Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Path of No Regrets: Renewal ❯ Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Facts:

1. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
2. Jack Bauer has killed 93 people in four days' time.
3. Masashi Kishimoto created Naruto.

Kishimoto FTW.

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There are things I'd like to say
But pride has got my tongue
So I'll take the easy way out
And blame it on being young

--The Unseen, “Don't Look Back”

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Path of No Regrets

-Chapter 7-

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Naruto couldn't remember ever feeling more miserable and furious with both himself and the world at large.

I blew it. I blew it, I blew it, I blew it.

And now things were never going to be the same again, no matter what he did. His promise, his friendship… the bond he'd once shared with Sasuke against all odds… the one that made no sense, that couldn't be explained or defined but was just there somehow, and for better or worse was one of the first and most important bonds Naruto had ever known…

…All of it meant shit now, thanks to him. Thanks to Sasuke and his stupid revenge and inability to see anything beyond that—and thanks to Naruto, who'd known Sasuke was hurting and that he needed time, and who had made a promise that he would fix this, and yet had just now screwed it all to hell anyway. All because he'd lost his temper.

Damn it, he mentally kicked himself again as he stalked on toward Ichiraku—and away from his apartment—as fast as he could. What the hell had he been thinking? Of all the things he could have done, of all the things he could have said… what the hell had he been thinking? He'd just gone and ripped open every single wound that had finally begun to scar over between them, and then rubbed salt into every freaking one just for good measure. He knew that they'd still needed time… he knew that Sasuke was still struggling beneath that Itachi-shaped shadow… so why…?

Because it wasn't just Sasuke who was hurting!

He grimaced and tried futilely to suppress that little part of him that had been screaming for more than a week now to be acknowledged, but it refused to quiet. It had sat there denied for too long, waiting and hoping and needing for Sasuke to show even just one small outward sign that he regretted what he'd done in any way at all.

Because I was hurting too!

Naruto didn't need much; he would have never asked for much. He didn't need an apology (he wanted one but he didn't need one); he didn't need a promise (and at least Sasuke had given that much anyway); he didn't even need a reason, although it hurt not to have one. It hurt to not understand why Sasuke had done it, and it hurt that Sasuke had never even offered to explain. But even though he wanted those things, he didn't need them.

But just a sign—a look, a glance, a gesture—anything—that Sasuke regretted the fight even the tiniest bit… anything that showed that he hadn't meant it, hadn't been himself back there, hadn't really meant to hurt Naruto like that… would have been sad, at least, if he had killed him…

He needed that. He needed that.

…Any sign that Sasuke cared at all.

Because he couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep reaching out to someone who wasn't reaching back at all. He couldn't keep his promise if Sasuke truly didn't care, because the Sasuke he was trying to reach so badly would have never left him hanging there, no matter how much of a self-centered bastard he was. Only that was exactly what he'd done… he'd just left Naruto hanging.

And finally it had been too much, and Naruto had snapped… and ruined everything, just like that.

It's not your fault, it's his, the voice inside him said with absolute conviction, but either way, it didn't matter, did it? At the very least, they were right back to square one again, and at the worst, Naruto had just shattered that bond apart for good at long last. And either way it made no difference, because Naruto was fed up with trying to fix everything when it just kept falling apart again in his hands.

Fuck Sasuke. Just screw it—if he didn't care, then Naruto didn't either.

A sharp pain stung his palm, and he realized he'd clenched his fist so hard that his nails (and were they sharper than usual?) had torn the skin. He stared at it for a moment, eyes fixed dully on the four little crimson marks, while his mind saw a different place and time entirely.

(I won't ever get scared or run away… I swear by this pain in my left hand!)

That was what he'd said, back then… but back then he'd never thought anything like this could ever happen.

…That really had been a long time ago.

Fighting the sudden conflicting urge to both curl up into a ball and storm off to flatten the nearest standing object, Naruto leaned back against a nearby wall and closed his eyes.

“Naruto?”

…And opened them once more to see a pair of beautiful green ones staring into his with concern.

“…Sakura-chan,” he breathed.

Sakura was frowning at him, having just come from up the street. “Are you all right?” she asked cautiously.

“I… yeah. Yeah, I'm fine,” he said quickly, trying to sound convincing. He must not have done a very good job of it, though, because Sakura's frown only deepened, and she looked away hesitantly.

“…It's Sasuke-kun, isn't it?” she said, her voice quiet.

“No, it's all right,” he replied even though it was blatantly false, determined not to upset her with any of this. “It's just, you know…” He cast about for some excuse to give. “…He didn't want to come with me, that's all,” he finished rather lamely.

Again, however, something must have come across in his voice or manner that gave him away, because Sakura turned back to him, and there was something both sad and oddly touched in her eyes. “Naruto… you don't have to pretend everything's all right just for me. I know he…” She paused diplomatically, then concluded, “…He can be frustrating, sometimes.” She trailed off with a smile that looked achingly forced, and for a moment it was painfully clear just how much she really missed Sasuke. It tore at Naruto's heart, partly because he hated to see her sad, and partly because a very small part of him was wishing desperately that, even just a little, she might one day feel the same way about Naruto that she did about Sasuke.

But mostly, his heart ached because it was his fault that she was feeling sad now… because he'd failed, again, to keep his promise.

“Sakura-chan…” he murmured, suddenly overwhelmed by a tremendous feeling of guilt. “I'm sorry.”

Sakura looked surprised for a moment, then frowned again, shaking her head firmly. “You don't have anything to be sorry for, Naruto; it's not your fault.”

“No, it is!” he said back louder than he'd meant to, as the guilt tore at him even harder. “Just now… just now we were…” He faltered, tightening his fists again, then winced, barely suppressing a hiss as his hand stung once more.

Sakura didn't miss it, and glanced at the blood dripping from his palm with sudden alarm. “Naruto, your hand—”

He squeezed his fist even tighter, suddenly feeling as though he deserved the pain. “We fought,” he admitted hollowly. “We fought again. And—” He broke off with a grimace, as the remorse he was feeling transformed with astonishing swiftness into anger as he relived those last few minutes in his apartment. “And that stupid bastard—he—”

Sakura was looking at him with more and more concern. “Naruto…?”

He blinked, and almost started as his tumultuous emotions melted right back into guilt; for a moment he had nearly forgotten who he had been talking to. He looked back at her; damn it, he was making her even sadder, all because he just couldn't shut up. He hated this. “I… tried to keep my promise…” he said urgently, needing to communicate this to her, but feeling more and more like a failure with every word. “I really did—”

“It's all right,” Sakura said hurriedly, taking his left hand gently into her own before he could cause it any further damage, and giving it a small, comforting squeeze as she pulled a roll of bandages from her equipment pouch and started to wrap the injury. “I never expected it to go back to the way it was all in one day.”

He shook his head, dismissive; she was too kind and naïve, and it only made it worse, somehow. “You weren't there, Sakura-chan, you don't know… it was…”

“You two fight all the time,” she said reassuringly. “I'm sure it'll be just fine.”

“This was different!” he shouted back—damn it, she sounded so encouraging; he couldn't take it. “This was… if he didn't hate me before, I know he does now.” Feeling a sudden creeping bitterness, he muttered, “If he even cares enough for it to make a difference one way or the other.”

“Sasuke-kun does care, Naruto; you know that,” she stated firmly as she finished with his hand. “He just… he doesn't show it like you or I would.”

“Would it kill him to do it just once then?” he replied still more bitterly. “Would it kill him to just once do something to show that he's fuc—that he's even human? Maybe apologize, or something!”

Sakura looked for a moment as if she half wanted to agree with Naruto and half wanted to defend Sasuke. “…It's hard for him,” she said at last.

“I don't care if it's hard for him! It's not like it's been a picnic for us!”

Sakura looked down, her eyes soft and understanding. “…I know.”

…And here he was, causing her still more pain and unloading on her once again. What the hell was wrong with him? Feeling horrible, his eyes fell to the ground as well. “I just…”

But he trailed off as he noticed Sakura was no longer looking at the pavement or at him; instead she had suddenly shifted her glance upward, behind him, eyes widening in surprise and recognition. He realized who she had to be looking at and turned around himself just as she whispered, “Sasuke-kun.”

Sasuke was standing with his hands in his pockets, his face solemn but unreadable as he met Sakura's eyes in return. “Sakura.”

For a moment it was quiet. Feeling suddenly out of place, and still angry at Sasuke on top of that, Naruto wasn't sure whether to say anything or to just shut up and let the two of them have their moment, so in the end, at a loss, he wound up doing the latter. Finally, Sakura broke the silence with a hesitant smile, somehow managing to convey a dozen messages with that one expression and the question that followed. “How are you?”

Sasuke looked away somewhat awkwardly. After a moment, he shrugged for answer. “…You?” he asked in return.

Sakura's smile broadened slightly at the question, and Naruto saw that she seemed less tentative now. “I'm all right.” She paused for a moment, then added in a very modest, casual tone, “I've been training.”

Sasuke blinked, though Naruto couldn't tell if it was surprised or interested or something else. “By yourself?” the dark-haired boy asked.

Sakura shook her head. “No.” And very suddenly, her smile grew even more, and she looked so visibly proud and pleased with herself for the first time in ages that Naruto almost wanted to smile too. “With the Godaime Hokage-sama.”

Naruto gave a start—this was news to him, even though he'd been wondering what she'd been up to as of late. Apparently, it was news to Sasuke as well; for the first time since the conversation had begun, his unreadable expression actually slipped a little in surprise. His lips parted just slightly, but he didn't seem to know just what to say, so he finally seemed to settle for a simple, mild, “…Huh.”

“With that old hag?” Naruto said incredulously, gaping at Sakura and even forgetting for a moment that he was still angry with Sasuke.

Sakura turned an annoyed glance to him. “Don't talk about the Hokage like that, Naruto!”

“But she is an old hag!” he insisted in his defense. “She's the same age as that old pervert!”

“She's beautiful and she's amazingly strong,” Sakura affirmed in a tone that left no room for argument. “So you'd better shut up, because I want to be just like her some day.”

“Good,” Sasuke put in suddenly, causing both Naruto and Sakura to turn; for a moment they had almost forgotten he was still there. “That's good,” the other boy repeated as he looked at Sakura, quiet and thoughtful. “…I hope you do well.” His face was as hard to judge as ever, but for a moment Naruto thought he detected something almost like respect or satisfaction in his voice; at any rate, he sounded as sincere as he ever did, and Naruto's hostility lessened a little almost in spite of himself.

Sakura beamed. “Thank you, Sasuke-kun.” She paused, then asked tentatively, “Um… do you want to come and get some ramen with us?”

Sasuke looked down, then shook his head. “No.” The answer wasn't cruel or even apologetic, simply matter of fact, but nonetheless the rejection sent anger coursing through Naruto once more. Ignoring this, however, Sasuke suddenly turned to look him straight in the eye. “You.”

Naruto glared. “What?”

“Come with me.”

“Why?” demanded Naruto, narrowing his eyes—it figured the jerk wouldn't even ask, but instead just order it like Naruto was expected to follow.

“Because I need to show you something,” Sasuke said irritably, as if questions were a waste of his time. “Just come.”

Naruto scowled, not particularly wanting to go anywhere with Sasuke, especially when it would mean leaving Sakura on her own, but to his surprise, he suddenly felt the latter's hand on his arm again. “It's all right, Naruto… go on.”

“…You sure?” he asked uncertainly.

“Yeah.” She patted his arm with a smile. “Go.” She smiled up at Sasuke too, was met by still another unreadable glance, and nodded. And even though Naruto wasn't close to fluent in whatever silent language they were speaking, the consensus was apparent enough that even he still got the gist. So finally he just sighed. “All right, fine.”

With a goodbye wave to Sakura, he stepped over to Sasuke, muttering under his breath, “I thought you weren't allowed to leave the apartment.”

“I'm not,” said Sasuke dismissively. “I just don't really care. Come on.”

He leaped to a nearby roof and looked down at Naruto impatiently. Naruto jumped after him, and they set off to wherever it was that Sasuke intended to go.

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The sky was getting increasingly overcast as Naruto tailed Sasuke through the village, and he was just starting to wonder if they were going to get rained on before they reached their destination when Sasuke turned into the Uchiha compound, and Naruto abruptly found himself with quite a few more pressing questions on his mind. Sasuke led them right past his old house, which answered one question, but when they finally halted outside an old temple, a dozen more sprang up in its place.

Sasuke opened the door, and Naruto stepped after him into an empty room padded with tatami mats. Sasuke moved to kneel beside one. “This shrine's been on my family's property since before this village was founded.”

When Naruto looked at him questioningly, the other boy slipped his fingers in between the edges of the mat, and pried it up. Naruto's eyes widened. Underneath the mat lay a concealed trap door. Sasuke pulled it open, then peered down, his brow furrowed darkly. “And I don't know how old the scroll is that's hidden down there… but I'm pretty sure it's been in my family even longer than the shrine.”

There was silence after that. Then, finally, Sasuke looked up at Naruto, his dark eyes as grave as Naruto had ever seen them.

“I've never shown this to anyone.”

He held Naruto's gaze for so long that Naruto felt as if a vital secret was being suddenly placed upon him. “Then why me?” he finally asked.

Sasuke glanced away. “…Because you deserve to know.”

He reached down into the dark, withdrew a candle, and a few hand seals later had produced a tiny flame. He handed it to Naruto silently, and motioned back to the passage. Then without another word, not even a sarcastic warning to not burn the place down, he disappeared back out the temple entrance.

Naruto stared after him for a long moment. Then he turned, swallowed, and stepped down through the door. There was a staircase inside, and he followed it down until he emerged into a dark room. At the far end stood an altar; strange-looking bird and fire carvings decorated the walls on either side. He stepped over, pausing to light the two candles that stood at the altar's base, then placed the one he was holding on the ground beside them.

Atop the altar sat a small, ancient-looking scroll. Naruto picked it up, carefully unrolled it, and began to read.

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He read it three times before he finally accepted the contents, even though everything fell into place before he was even halfway through the first time. Afterward, he just stood there for a very long while, lost in thought. He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he finally climbed back out of the little door, closed it, and mechanically replaced the tatami mat once more.

He found Sasuke sitting by the base of a large rock outside, fingering a kunai absentmindedly and staring off into the darkening clouds. Wordlessly, Naruto sat down beside him. Minutes passed. The sky above rumbled and threatened to pour down any second, and Naruto knew that neither of them cared in the slightest.

At last, he asked quietly, “How long have you known?”

“…Since I was seven.”

Naruto's head shot toward him, stunned. “Seven?”

Sasuke didn't look back. “He told me the same night he killed them,” he said simply.

A feeling of horror and empathy for the other boy washed over Naruto, and he looked away, suddenly feeling sick. He hesitated, choosing his next words very carefully. “So… if you've known all this time… why didn't you…?”

“That's not the question,” said Sasuke in reply. “It's why did I finally try, at the valley.” He paused. “…And I don't know why.”

Naruto frowned. “Back at the Academy… you never seemed interested in making any friends,” he said slowly.

Sasuke didn't answer.

“…Was that the reason?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke sighed. “I wouldn't have wanted to anyway,” he answered, his voice very soft and hollow in a way that implied a hundred meanings, most of which Naruto wasn't sure he ever wanted to know. He took a deep breath, not knowing if he should continue, but he was becoming increasingly sure of something, and he needed to be certain.

“You left Konoha,” he said at last. “If you really wanted to, you could have done it, back here… but you left, instead.”

Again, Sasuke said nothing in response.

“…And you didn't kill me, even at the Valley of the End, when you had the chance.”

“Not for lack of trying,” Sasuke intoned quietly.

Naruto remembered that well enough without the reminder, but he just shrugged this time. “…Still. You didn't do it.”

“I shouldn't have tried,” Sasuke replied, his voice suddenly harsh. He clenched his fist hard. “Ever since that day, I've told myself… I'd never become what he was. A monster… a murderer. And yet… I almost did it anyway.” He released a long breath, and suddenly seemed to slump against the rock.

“I'm sorry,” he said at last.

Naruto swallowed… then closed his eyes, feeling as if a crushing weight had finally been lifted off him.

“…It's all right.” He smiled suddenly, feeling at ease for the first time in ages, then looked back at Sasuke.

“After all… you're my best friend, right?”

Sasuke turned at long last, and met Naruto's eyes hesitantly. Naruto grinned. A raindrop suddenly splashed atop his head, and he grinned wider.

You're right, Sakura-chan. He does care.

Another raindrop landed, then another, and almost before he knew it, Naruto had started to chuckle softly. It suddenly seemed like the only possible way to end a day that had cycled him through so many rampant emotions, from pain, confusion and anger, to understanding, contentment… and relief.

Sasuke looked away again, and though he didn't really smile himself, Naruto knew that it was going to be all right.

It rained, and they sat there, as the world made itself anew.

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-to be continued-

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Author's Notes:

I have no clue what's written at the Nakano Shrine, except that it must confirm the “You must kill your closest friend” stuff Itachi told Sasuke, at the very least. So I cheated here and didn't go into details. Eh. :P

Anyway, on to what's coming next: This whole fic so far is basically act 1 (or part 1, or whatever you prefer to use) of what should hopefully be a three-part story. Next I'll be posting the epilogue to this first part, and then it will be completed and I'll be moving on to the second part (which will be posted as its own fic).

Lastly, for those who are interested in following this story in its entirety, I have a reading assignment for the next chapter. ;) This is where my one-shot Grown Up Orphans fits into the timeline, taking place three months after this and about a month before the soon-to-be-posted epilogue. (Incidentally, a few ff.net reviewers were wondering where/when the nightmare issue might again come up—that story is pretty much where it's acknowledged, although subtly. But I figured anything bigger would be too OOC.) Thanks very much to everyone who's been reading this, and I hope it's been worth your while so far. :)