Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Reaching for Air ❯ A Breeze From Midnight ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto. It belongs to Kishimoto Masashi-sama, and this work is absolute fiction.

 

Author's Note: My first non-one shot. I actually meant for this to be a one-shot in the beginning, but I thought it over and decided that I should try something else. At the end of this chapter, I realized what a big turning point it was, and how hard it was to continue on with another paragraph after it. The pairing is unusual for me, a die-hard SasuSaku fan. But, like mentioned before, I wanted to try something else. This didn't come out too bad, ne?

-RaiMidori

 

POV: Naruto

 

 

When she asked me what I would do, her emerald eyes locked plaintively with mine, I had no answer. There were a million things I could do. There really were, and if you gave me just one day, I would be able to list them all. But when I'm asked to decide which one to choose, I'd crumble under the persistent pressure. It's painful, it really is. And if I said it wasn't my fault, I'd be lying.

 

It's not finished. We're not finished. That would be the first thing I would've said to him. I would've walked right up to him despite all the jagged wounds in my flesh, the waterfalls of blood pouring from them. I'd say it right there, despite the poised sword, adorned with my very own blood. But then, the hardest part would be to grit my teeth and bear the agonizing pain of his sword running through my frame and the words he would speak, as sharp as daggers, and just as painful. You may not be, Naruto, but I am. We're strangers now.

 

Oh, it's lost. It's really lost, beyond the beyond, where no one can catch a glimpse of it anymore. It's too easy to say. It's too easy to slap on a sheepish smile and casually change the subject. When no one notices it, that's when you can die hard, just within yourself.

 

I got tired of thinking and said what I really felt, deep inside me. “I don't think Sasuke's coming back unless we catch him, Sakura. I'm going to go find him for you, and then…” I let my voice peter out, the last hesitant breath caught in my throat. I turned on my heel, planning to hold back the lump in my throat until I was well out of sight of my light-haired teammate. Sasuke's never coming back. We'll never find him. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want him to. Sakura looped her pale fingers around my arm, gently, at first, but increasing in strength. Her thin voice rose as she spoke. “No, don't do it.”

 

There's no guarantee you'll live. That's what all shinobi know. No one's said it aloud, but we have it locked up within us, a ball of fiery shadows, licking flames that engulf you piece by piece. It's frightening, but if you've lived through it once, it suddenly morphs into a challenge, a simple question. Will I live to see tomorrow? The thoughts will start to pound consistently with your heart beat, a painful yet exciting throb. I'm alive, I'm alive, at least… for now. But with Sasuke, there're no guarantees or false hopes. Just pure nostalgia, a dream-like scene that I know will never exist. It's already started to fade away into the haze of fragmented memories.

 

And Sakura? There was a time when I loved her with all of my being, and I was willing to do anything for her, anything at all. I still love her just as much, maybe even more, but my resolution's changed. When you get older, when you mature, you realize, suddenly, the world has been narrowed. I know, now, that I can't do everything Sakura might want or fare better with. I just can't, but really, no one can blame me, because that's part of being human. That's all part of the lovely ribbon wrapped package that's labeled `Life'. When you're older, you realize that it wasn't all it was meant to be. Suddenly, you start to lose focus. What's real, and what's not doesn't matter, but at least, at long, long last, you can truly be yourself.

 

She looked lost, unsure of what to say or do. She released her grip on me, embarrassed. I tilted my head cautiously in question. When she finally laid her gaze to rest on my face once more, I could tell that she had changed. “Don't go after Sasuke. It's all done and gone, and you're all I have left now. I don't want you to leave me, too. Please, don't go.” The tears started falling, one after another, until it was like rain was bestowing itself upon the ground. I caught a drop in my hand, spellbound by its fragility. I caught her face, reflected in the water, distorted, but just as beautiful. I took her cold and wet hand in mine, and placed it on my beating heart. And then I lifted it daintily and slowly, and let my lips brush her rosy skin. When she looked up, the candle in her eyes had been blown out by the wind.

 

I was always wondering how Sasuke felt about her. His usual acrimonious grunts were of maddening persistence, driving me to the very verge of insanity. His austere midnight-black glares spelled out his distaste in more ways than one, and he gave them out generously, seemingly at random. Despite all of this, Sakura let her benevolent heart become infatuated with him, though no matter how strong her longing was, it never was even close to enough to satiate Sasuke's black soul. It was always the same, blank, probing stare accompanied by an almost undetectable lift of his nose, drowning in the obvious disgust that covered his features. I hated it, but Sakura chalked it down as another of his lovable features. I hated that, too, but, really, there wasn't a thing I could do.

 

What do you do, the first time you fall in love? I really, really don't know. It's too ironic- being a shinobi had granted me agonizingly painful wounds and scars that ripped across my body, fated to never heal. But when faced upon a wound of the heart, I don't know what to do. There's always going to be pain, but what will I do with it? Will I give it to you? Will we share it? Or will I… bear this pain in an oppressing silence, for all of eternity?

 

In a childish act of amnesia, I repeated what I had said only moments before. “I'll get him back for you, Sakura, you're in pain!” my feverish voice had risen a few pitches, ringing with a desperate intensity. Sakura didn't respond, biting her lip so hard that a few drops of blood beaded up and sparkled under the punishing heat of the sun. An erratic breeze blew her hair into her face, but she didn't bother to retrieve the strands. My voice broke as I said it, an unbidden window into my weaknesses. “Look at me.” She only kept her gaze, unwavering, on the ground, and poked out a bubble gum coloured tongue to collect the blood. I gently brought my hands to her face and tilted her head towards mine. They were raging pools of anguish, suffering, and a one-sided love that had delivered a death blow to her old self. Lined at the very bottom were tears, twinkling in the sunlight, mirroring her breaths as they shook with a lifeless passion. In the end, it was I who looked away, but only for a moment. My gaze settled on a robin, its red feathers glowing majestically. I saw a flash of empathy in his eyes as he spread his wings, prideful, taking to the sky.

 

The night fell quickly, racing itself across the horizon. We had been talking for hours. Sakura wore an affable smile on her silky lips, a fake gossamer mask that I longed to be tangible. “I mean… you love Sasuke, right?” I heard my voice break, but ignored it. My urgent tone was ripping through the air, my heart worn on my sleeve. She peered at me closely. “Sasuke...? Uchiha Sasuke… I…” Her gaze was flitting across my chest, the wrinkles and faded lines of the fabric under direct scrutiny. I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the urge to encourage her, but not wanting to push her too hard. Her voice picked up in an eccentric way, a sharp edged blade that sliced at my heart. “I love him. I love him the most.” Sensing my pain, she went on, her undine eyes luridly shining under the glare of the dying sun. “But… Sasuke's left me. He's the past now. And you're all I have left. Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me alone.”

 

Clutching at air. What does it feel like when you reach out for the sky but receive nothing instead? It's just as painful, agonizing, as grasping a handful of glass like a lifeline. In the end, nothing ever happens, and you are awarded with a collection of scarlet wounds that will serve as an eternal reminder of what wasn't there, even when you tried as hard as you could. They will close, eventually, leaving thin, ugly, scars that won't ever go away. What do you do then? Because sometimes it's too hard to keep living.

 

She reached out to touch my hand in a titillating way. I shivered, feeling her presence pressing in on me like the darkness of midnight. Clutch, clutch. “Sakura… I can't do this.” My voice, mixed in perfectly with the rustling of the leaves, wavered, unbidden. It's air, it's nothing. “I want to go find Sasuke. If we give up now, we'll-” She studied my face for a split second before reaching a trembling hand to stroke away the fervent, angered tears clouding my vision. And then she tugged at my collar softly, and almost undetectable was her unmistakable scent of roses, mixed in with the pine wafting on the night air, filling my senses to the brim. Nothing's there, stop reaching. She let her silky lips close the space between us, burying my mouth with a candid myriad of kisses. Stop reaching before the air turns to glass. I called her name but it was nullified, smothered in the torrent. Sakura, Sakura. That's a beautiful name. Blood, you're bleeding. I meant to say that, but as I held it in my heart, I was sure she could hear it. We didn't need words. I was sure she knew. But just in case, I tipped my head back, capturing the moment. I love you, Sakura. Did you know that? It doesn't hurt anymore.