Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Regret Not A Thing ❯ Ch. 4: Deserving ( Chapter 4 )

Regret Not A Thing

By Mizerable

 

 

Ch. 4: Deserving

 

“I never thought you could be this much of a fool.”

 

“It's not foolish, Jiraiya,” Tsunade eased back in her chair, “You can't tell me you're not even a little bit curious about what happened to him?”

 

“If I wanted Sasuke to tell me about how Orochimaru and Itachi died, I'd have kept him in a jail cell,” he answered sharply.

 

“Feh, with his health, he wouldn't live long enough to tell us anything from there.”

 

“And on that note,” Jiraiya crossed his arms as he leaned against the edge of her desk, “I still want to know what gave you the brilliant idea to start looking for a cure. Healing that kid is one of the most dangerous and stupid ideas I've ever heard of.”

 

Tsunade glared up at him and rested the palms of her hands against the smooth wood of the desk.

 

“Who's he going to go after, hmm? Itachi's dead and gone.”

 

“If he was strong enough to kill that guy while he's this sick, what do you think he'll be like at full power?” Jiraiya was starting to ponder if Tsunade had any bottles of sake lying around, “I mean, he trained under Orochimaru for crying out loud! You can't have forgotten what a master manipulator he was. Sasuke can probably make himself appear however he wants you to see him to get what he wants. If he comes across as enough of a sob story, you'll heal him and who knows what he'll do then.”

 

Tsunade sighed. She should have known he'd be like this.

 

“You know,” she gave him a rather pointed look, “It's a very good thing you turned down becoming Hokage.”

 

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow at that statement. Of all the times to bring up a thing like that…

 

“You see me as being soft, but you're the one who can't let go of the past,” she continued rather baldly, “I can't afford to kill someone that might be a great asset to the village. Yes, it's a risk but I have to look out for all of Konoha. Especially the ones who need more help than others to get back on their feet.”

 

“Are you saying I'm being detrimental to the needs of Konoha?” Jiraiya wasn't sure if he'd ever been so angry with Tsunade before, “Sasuke is a missing-nin!”

 

“I'm saying you're trying so hard to protect one person that it's blinding you from seeing the big picture.”

 

You're trying too hard to keep Naruto from being hurt like you were.

 

“…That's a cheap shot, you know.”

 

“Well, I won't tell him if you won't,” she gave a light smile, “No sense letting this information out `til we know how it turns out, anyway.”

 

Jiraiya found himself nodding along with her. It figured.

 

“So you'll take a look at that secondary seal in the meantime?”

 

“Might as well,” he added, hoping to sound grumpy about it. A man should always know when to admit when he's lost a battle and all. Tsunade wouldn't tell him he seemed a bit petulant instead.

 

Now that all that was settled, she could finally move on and dive into research. Tsunade and Shizune had been working to help Anko for nearly a year with virtually nothing to show for their efforts. Now that Sasuke was in the picture, Tsunade had viewed the rather grim progression the seal could take. But as much as she hated to admit it to herself, she really needed more help than just Shizune to solve this one.

 

As if reading her thoughts, Jiraiya began a new line of questioning.

 

“So are you going to have your apprentice assist you on this one?”

 

“Even I'm not that heartless,” she answered crisply, “Besides, she's not ready yet. However, I think Shizune's student is perfect for the job.”

 

“She is a good choice,” Jiraiya concurred, “But it's still a risk to let her in on such a big secret.”

 

“She's hardly a gossip. I know I can count on her to keep things under wraps,” Tsunade began rifling through her papers.

 

“True as that may be, don't you think it's still a bit cruel to make her help Sasuke?”

 

“Actually, I think she's probably exactly what he needs right now,” Tsunade paused and Jiraiya indulged her flare for the dramatic, “It's in Hinata's nature to be forgiving.”

 

* * *

 

Over Three Years Ago

 

They'd run into each other by chance.

 

Hinata was running late on her way to the training ground and for no particular reason. She blamed it on her tendency for constantly doing things not quite right. She hadn't expected to see Neji and Tenten also heading towards their own respective training area. Technically Neji wasn't even on the official roster, as he was still recovering from his injuries months later. Though he wasn't the type to idly sit by and do nothing. He would watch his team and study new strategies, perhaps even practice a little before heading to his physical therapy sessions. He claimed he felt fine but they weren't letting him take any risks.

 

Hinata had gone to visit him while he had still been on bed rest. Although he hadn't been outright cruel to her, there was still an uncomfortable stiffness about him whenever she was around. She doubted today would be any different.

 

Tenten glanced at Neji, then Hinata, and back again before heading on ahead of them. She always knew when to stay and when to go, after all. And for some reason, this day was already proving to be too much for Hinata. She couldn't hold back her confession of feeling weak despite all her training. At least she managed to cut herself off before admitting her inferiority to her new teammate...Though for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why she blurted this out in front of Neji of all people…

 

“You just don't have the mentality to be a fighter like that,” Neji answered bluntly.

 

Hinata looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Yet another blow to her ego really shouldn't have mattered by now, but…

 

“Well, I, um, thank you. I'm g-glad you're so honest with m-me, Neji-nii-sama.”

 

“You know,” he called after her as she attempted to make a dignified exit, “You're not like the other kunoichi. You're not calculating like Sakura. You're not driven like Tenten. You're not aggressive like Ino. And you're certainly not ruthless like Temari of the Sand. You have kindness and compassion, Hinata-sama.”

 

Hinata wanted to be happy, that maybe he was actually giving her a compliment. But she didn't get her hopes up. It wasn't so long ago that Neji had once scorned her for those traits.

 

“I don't quite understand…”

 

“Have you ever considered becoming a medic-nin?”

 

That was probably the last question Hinata expected, and it was certainly one she'd never thought about. Certainly she knew how to make some herbal remedies for a minor injury here and there. But a full-fledged medic?

 

“You're not a stupid girl. With the Byakugan and the chakra control you gained from jyuuken training, you'd probably do well.”

 

Hinata did her best not to cry. Never in her life did she expect such high praise from Neji.

 

“But Father…He would never allow—“

 

Neji sighed. “You'll be able to help a lot of people. It would only enhance your power as a ninja, anyway.”

 

“But—“

 

“You can change things, Hinata-sama. Don't let the Clan get in the way of what you want.”

 

Hinata was amazed at Neji and his personal strength. It was hard to imagine that he'd hated her at one time.

 

If I could change anything, I would remove that awful seal.

 

Neji mentioned that he would put in a word with Shizune when he went for his next treatment.

 

And suddenly, Hinata didn't feel quite so weak anymore.

 

* * *

 

Present Day

 

Morning's come and Anko had the task of making Sasuke look halfway presentable for the Hokage's house call. Granted all parties involved knew the kid was sick as a dog, but it would reflect rather poorly on Anko if she didn't have him look clean and rested. As it stood now, it seemed Sasuke hadn't slept at all during the night. Hopefully a hot shower and a cup of coffee (could he drink coffee?) would work some magic on him.

 

She stood outside the bathroom door with him, while he stared at the entrance like it led to the electric chair.

 

“Well, if you feel sick or anything, just gimme a shout and I'll come help ya out,” Anko was all smiles and good cheer, feverish or not, “Lemme know when you're finished and I'll fix up your bandages.”

 

She wandered on down the hall and Sasuke slipped inside the room for his shower. He didn't tell Anko he could manage wrapping his own bandages if he had to, but maybe it would be rude of him to turn down her help when she certainly didn't have to do a damn thing for him. Though he supposed it didn't really matter. As well as she seemed to have figured him out, she was only acting on the Hokage's orders. There was no point in asking for anything from her.

 

He let the steam envelop him, let the water burn down on him. It made his arm ache something fierce (was that a new slice?) but it wasn't anything new. The damn thing always ached, just like his back. They hadn't discovered that yet, the twin scars parallel to his shoulder blades still red and angry. When he'd arrived in the Sound all those years ago, Kabuto had made it his first priority to heal them. He hadn't outright said why, though Sasuke imagined Orochimaru would be vain about having scars when that time came.

 

Sasuke stopped Kabuto, of course. When Sasuke was asked why, he didn't bother lying. He wanted them as a reminder.

 

“A reminder?” Kabuto had asked.

 

“That I became a demon for a day.”

 

They never spoke of it again. Kabuto even indulged his wish and left the scars in place. They could just as easily be mended later, after all…

 

And so Sasuke stood under the shower spray surrounded by pristine white tiles, pressing the palm of his good hand against the wall and hoping its cool smoothness would be soothing. The ache, the whiteness, the hissing water…All it did was put him back in that place.

 

* * *

 

Sound Country, Unknown Date

 

Sasuke hated it here.

 

He always knew he would. This had never been about personal satisfaction, though. It was a means to an end, nothing more. This nightmare would never end until he was washing his brother's blood from his hands. Orochimaru had a lot to teach him, but he certainly didn't like the man. Though perhaps he should learn not to be so blatant in his disgust…

 

At least here in the shower, he had a few moments away from the politics and mind games. Here he could quietly renew his focus and reflect on what brought him here.

 

There is only revenge. I've no need for anything else.

 

“My, those scars are certainly dreadful.”

 

Sasuke stiffened but didn't dare turn around. He couldn't show that he hadn't even heard Orochimaru arrive.

 

“You must have been rather desperate,” Sasuke closed his eyes and tried no to think about the finger tracing his old injury, “To let yourself go this far.”

 

There is only revenge.

 

“It's rather ironic, isn't it, Sasuke-kun? That someone as beautiful as you could be filled with such bitter hatred.”

 

It took all of Sasuke's willpower not to turn around and punch the creep in the face. Not that he could do much to the likes of Orochimaru.

 

“Did you need something?” he all but growled out.

 

“Hmm? You might say that…”

 

Sasuke did not like where that hand was going. Desperate for power as he was, even he had his limits.

 

“I want to learn everything about this body of yours, Sasuke-kun,” Orochimaru hissed in his ear, “I want to know it inside and out.”

 

Despite Kabuto's warnings, Sasuke was ready to curse out the snake then and there. That was, before the seal jumped to life and left him paralyzed. He felt his own hands being pressed palms down against the tile, felt cool skin pressing against his back.

 

There is only revenge…

There is only…

 

Sasuke tried to picture his brother's face. He wanted to let his anger and his shame consume him more with ever passing moment. It was all Itachi's fault that this was happening to him.

 

Instead he remembered Naruto lying cold and unconscious in the rain, the one he couldn't kill. If he'd done it, would he need to be here now?

 

He thought of Kakashi. Would his old teacher have known how to get out of a mess like this?

 

He thought of Sakura, sweet and soft and who loved him too much. Did she even give a damn about him now?

 

I will have my vengeance. And you both will pay.

 

There would be a time for vengeance. But justice worked both ways. Sasuke knew now this was his punishment.

 

* * *

 

Anko heard a crash and raced towards the bathroom door, pissed that she felt winded after such a short sprint.

 

“Sasuke?” she called out, knocking a few times for good measure, “You alright in there?”

 

She didn't get an answer and started to worry that he'd fainted. Well, she hoped he was understanding as she burst into the room. The steam made her fever more uncomfortable but it was a small price to pay. She found him curled into a ball in the corner of the stall, gripping his arm tightly. One of his cuts seemed to have opened wider…

 

“Hey! Are you okay--!” She reached out a hand towards his good shoulder. To say he reacted violently was putting it mildly. He spun around, his visible eye mad with fear and fury, fist cocked back to strike. Anko's reflexes were still honed enough to catch his hand before it hit her face. And just as quickly he pulled out of her grasp and curled in defensively around himself.

 

“Don't touch me!” he snarled.

 

This was certainly a different side to the sullen boy brought to her home last night. She didn't have time to figure out what set him off, though. They had to get that arm wrapped up.

 

“C'mon, Sas—“ she moved to help him up.

 

“I said don't fucking touch me!”

 

Anko didn't know why she hadn't figured it out sooner.

 

“I know,” she spoke grimly as she shut the water off, “I hadn't even realized something bad had happened to me, I'd been such a blind fool then. But hey, we've still gotta patch up that arm of yours.”

 

Sasuke's rage seemed to deflate from him immediately. He was right, Anko did understand him perfectly. He let her wrap a towel around him and help him to his feet, too stunned to even be embarrassed by his nakedness. He let her treat his arm with fresh bandages and she let him go get dressed on his own. Now they sat drinking coffee together while she absently hummed to herself.

 

Yes, he was grateful Kakashi wasn't his caretaker.

 

There was a knock at the door not long after and Sasuke braced himself for more questions and testing. There was the Hokage, looking entirely too cheerful for what her visit entailed. Jiraiya followed shortly after her but at least he looked annoyed about being there. Shizune, too, seeming apprehensive as always. Though Sasuke sure as hell hadn't expected Hyuuga Hinata to show up.

 

“What…?”

 

“I'm sure you remember Hinata,” Tsunade greeted, “She's going to be assisting in our research.”

 

“…Hi, Sasuke-kun.”

 

She didn't look too pleased about being there, her eyes glued to the floor. What was the Hokage thinking, making her come help him. Because of him, Kiba was…

 

“You don't have to do this, you know,” he spoke stiffly.

 

It's not like I'm looking to be saved.

 

“Hokage-sama asked me to,” still soft-spoken, but she seemed a little more steady than he remembered her being. Her hair was longer now. “And I want to help Anko-san, so…”

 

“Fair enough,” he mumbled.

 

* * *

 

It was cold, wherever he was. Snowing probably. Everything seemed fuzzy. Was he medicated…?

 

“You're awake now.”

 

“I was ready to die down there.”

 

“I know,” the voice answered, seeming further away than it was, “It must have been hell.”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“We all suffer through life. And we're stronger for it. This, too, shall pass. You'll survive it.”

 

 

 

To be continued…