Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Regret Not A Thing ❯ Ch. 8: A Child's Love ( Chapter 8 )

Regret Not A Thing

By Mizerable

 

 

 

 

Ch. 8: A Child's Love

 

Team Gai was gathered together at a fine restaurant for a celebration (in theory) now that Neji's upcoming marriage appeared in the newspaper's section for nuptial announcements. Not that he had a real say on whether it should have been printed there. Lee had been set in a state bordering on shock and excitement, though it might have been better to call it misplaced anger. He'd known Neji long enough to know that he was less than thrilled about the situation, though it didn't stop Lee from trying to make the best of things. He talked grandly of how this was an important step in a man's life, along with a series of other well-meaning but otherwise trite words of inspiration.

 

Neji looked ready to stab him.

 

Gai was strangely stoic about the whole thing. He promised Neji they would share a good bottle of sake in honor of this step into adulthood. It wasn't as if he could do such a thing with Lee included, unless he wanted one hell of a fight afterwards. And Tenten…well, if Lee had to be left out, she could also handle that.

 

Tenten just sat there with a vague sort of smile, not really sure what else she could do in such a situation. They all knew Neji didn't want to marry, least of all not within his Clan. Hatoko was just distantly related enough so that it wouldn't “seem” too unnatural. But even that was far too close for Neji. Even so, Tenten simply did nothing beyond look polite. Neji would be disgusted if this turned into a pity party.

 

“It's just so weird,” Lee prattled on, “I never thought you'd be the first of us to start a family.”

 

He conveniently left out his optimistic dream of a wife and children with bright green eyes. He more specifically failed to blatantly mention Tenten at all.

 

Neji merely snorted at the statement, mentioned and unmentioned.

 

“As if I really need a servant for a wife,” he muttered, “And I certainly am in no hurry for a child.”

 

Though the Clan certainly thought otherwise.

 

“Maybe,” Tenten finally spoke up, “maybe it won't be so terrible.”

 

Neji raised an eyebrow at her. He couldn't fathom how even she could put a positive spin on any of this.

 

“Even if it's a marriage that you don't want,” she paused, hoping he wouldn't overreact before she said her piece, “A child might not be so unbearable.”

 

“Oh?” he scoffed, “And why is that?”

 

All he could see was a child born of a loveless marriage and then neglected due to his heavy workload.

 

“Well, friends and lovers may come and go…but no one can ever love a person as purely and unconditionally as a child loves its parents.”

 

Neji couldn't believe it. She'd done it again. For better or worse, Tenten told him exactly what he needed to hear.

 

It was horrible of him, Neji realized, that he had been so angry about the situation that he hadn't thought of his own father until now. He hadn't married for love, yet had loved Neji so greatly. And it was true; Neji had never cared about anyone as deeply as he had his father. It wasn't an ideal situation by any means, but there was a glimmer of hope left. He could breathe a little easier in his cage.

 

* * *

 

Anko was going through the motions of keeping house. Washing dishes (there should have been more than what was there), laundry (the blood wasn't coming out), cleaning the bathroom (when did he break the mirror?). It wasn't even noon yet and she was already exhausted. Figured.

 

She went to wake Sasuke and discovered it was not going to be one of his better days. She got him to sit up but it seemed that was the extent of his mobility. Whether it was purely a physical problem or something far deeper didn't matter, not really. It didn't change the fact that she had a half-blind wounded boy in her care (more or less). It made her wonder how terribly driven he must have been to have survived alone in that one year after the Sound fell. To have forced himself no matter how much he suffered to track down and kill the Uchiha Itachi.

 

She wanted to make a joke about serving breakfast in bed but she doubted he'd even eat it. She was going to tell him that he should eat more to keep what little strength he had, but there was no bloody point to that. Everyday, she watched him die a little bit and heard the clock ticking towards her own impending death. Not so long from now, it was going to be her in that bed.

 

She wanted to be angry with him, spectacularly so. She knew he had to know more than he was letting on. If he could make himself be strong enough to kill one of the strongest shinobi alive, he had to know some way of combating the curse. The answers were all in that secondary seal, staring her right in the face, yet he betrayed nothing. He just allowed himself to rot away, pulling her down with him.

 

She didn't want to die from his silence. She just plain didn't want to die.

 

What was it about this kid that just wouldn't let her be mad at him?

 

* * *

 

Sakura missed the seasons.

 

Or to be more accurate, she never noticed them anymore. So absorbed in everything else as she was, she just didn't keep track of them. There never seemed to be time to take in spring flowers, or enjoy warm summer rain, or be in awe of fire-colored autumns, or see the beauty of crisp snow.

 

And what an irony that was. With her genjutsu, she was rather adept at creating fantastic visions of icy unending winters. She was hard-pressed to find an enemy that wasn't terrified of freezing to death. Or at least believing they were going to, before being picked off. More than a handful of shinobi had taken to giving her the nickname “Ice Queen,” though she had a sinking feeling it had far less to do with her abilities than she'd like to believe.

 

Sometimes she really disliked who she had become. Perhaps if she hadn't been so appallingly weak to begin with, she wouldn't have been forced to be the person she was now.

 

She hadn't been lying when she told Sasuke his leaving would make her feel as abandoned as he once was. She'd put all her being into loving him, handed her heart to him on a silver platter, and had it ground to dust beneath his heel.

 

She didn't eat apples anymore.

 

And maybe, just maybe, she might have been able to let go. She might have understood someday. But to learn the person she once loved so desperately had been willing to murder his teammate in cold blood robbed her of that. She couldn't have really known him, if she had been unable to know what he was capable of. Though maybe it hurt so damn much because now she understood him too well.

 

Had this been what it was like for him? To have the person he loved above all else betray him so deeply that he could never love again?

 

And he so carelessly would put another in his shoes.

 

But Sakura was better than that, she concluded. Even as she sought power, she did it her own way. At first, she wanted to be strong so that no one else would ever have to protect her again. Never again would she put Naruto in the position of making promises because she was too weak to accomplish anything on her own. She threw herself completely into her training, wounded heart and all. She made many a great accomplishment, but it hadn't seemed to be enough. It terrified her that she could feel so empty despite her growth.

 

But then it occurred to her what she was really seeking. She didn't want to be strong only to serve herself. She wanted strength to protect others. When Tsunade offered an apprenticeship, she clung frantically to it. As a medic, she could save lives rather than destroy them. To this very day, she did nothing but work towards becoming better at it. She was going to be perfect. Never again would she lose her friends.

 

At least, she wouldn't lose them in combat.

 

She knew how wide the gap had grown between the people she had so cherished. Naruto, her dearest and closest friend, would never be more than that. No matter what happened, he would always fear he was only “the substitute,” only “second-best.” And she just couldn't bear to be the one to hurt him. It didn't help that she was now teammates with Hinata. Sakura wished with every waking breath that things were different. She wished she could reach beyond the gap and latch onto the sincere friendship waiting within Hinata. Sakura wanted to tell her to have courage, to love freely, to pursue him.

 

But love was spoiled for Sakura. She couldn't speak such words so easily to herself, let alone anyone else.

 

She wished she could offer Lee affection, even as friends, but she said nothing and did nothing. Even though she knew her cold silence hurt him. To think she once ended one of her greatest friendships of all time over something as foolish as idealistic love.

 

She missed Ino terribly.

 

But how did a person take back all those wounded years? Ino lost a dear friend because of the person Sakura had destroyed their bond for. All the apologies in the world couldn't change that. Nothing was good anymore.

 

So she studied hard because it kept her from thinking about all the wonderful things that were gone. All that hard work kept her from remembering that two people were dead, that the one true friend she had in this world was probably hurting more than she was, that she was probably incapable of loving anyone again.

 

Sakura wished she could still enjoy flowers, but her heart withered at the thought of them.

 

* * *

 

Tenten smoothed out the wrinkles in her clothes and let out a deep breath as she stared at herself in the mirror. She was dressed in her finest, as in the best for combat. Her most essential scrolls tucked within the folds, not to mention assorted other hidden weapons. Though she had her favorite bo staff strapped to her back. It bore black singe marks at one end, for it had once been her mother's. Her mother, who carried it to her death against the Kyuubi.

 

Today would be the most important of Tenten's life and she prayed for her mother's courage to guide her.

 

She marched with her head held high towards her beloved dojo and opened the doors boldly before stepping inside.

 

The calm silence and open spaces did not give their usual greeting. Instead there was a crowd awaiting her, all arranged in neat and orderly preordained positions. Tenten took her own place at the center of the room, the squeaky floorboards to her right, and knelt.

 

Her father was seated across the room, the family weaponry hung on the wall behind him.

 

“Today is a grand moment for our family,” he spoke with a confident and commanding voice. He made no comment as to her choice in attire, “We are gathered here as proud members of Konoha to bring our village closer together. With this union, our two families…”

 

Tenten was certain her father named the other clan involved but she had stopped listening. She tried to keep a smile from creeping onto her face, tried not to guess their reactions. She had trained her entire life for this one moment. It was time.

 

“I give my daughter Tenten freely to you as a gift to solidify our unification.”

 

“Father,” she began not long after he finished, “It seems you have forgotten something.”

 

He raised an eyebrow, having a vague idea as to what she was going to say. Though he doubted she would seriously try something like that.

 

“I am now eighteen. As is the rule of our Clan, I have the right to challenge for the title of heir.”

 

The happiness within the room seemed to drain away through the floor, leaving a heavy silence in its wake. It took only mere moments for her father to recover.

 

“Don't be preposterous,” his voice was like warm air passing over steel, “Such laws do not apply to you.”

 

“And why is that?” her face only showed her conviction, nothing more, “As a child of the head of this Clan, I am more than worthy of such. I have memorized all of our techniques. I have an impressive record from serving our village. I know I am strong enough. Why should I be denied what is rightfully mine?”

 

“Because you are a woman,” he answered flatly, his anger far more palpable now, “Never would our Clan allow such a thing.”

 

“My gender dictates nothing about my abilities,” she refused to back down, “I am a Konoha jounin. I want to fight and protect this village representing my family. I want to bear my own last name!”

 

Her father was on his feet now, heavily scrutinizing the weapon displayed on her back.

 

“It was a mistake for me to let you indulge your ninja dreams,” he rasped, shaking with untold rage, “Girls are not given our last name for they do not keep them. It is their duty to marry into other families to give our strength throughout Konoha. You will continue to honor our great village by doing exactly as all who came before you.”

 

There was movement all around her, words of apology floating past her ears from her father to her “new family,” but Tenten heard nothing and saw nothing. She was frozen in place trying to absorb this horrid and humiliating shock.

 

All her life, all her life, she had been waiting for this moment. And now it was gone before she was even given the chance to try. If only they had let her show them her strength, she was certain she could prove them wrong. Women were more than bartering tools for clan alliances. They were Konoha shinobi. She ground her teeth as she thought of all the wasted potential.

 

“From today you are genin! I'd like to hear your goals, yes!!”

 

“I would like to become a strong ninja…like the legendary female ninja Tsunade-sama.”

 

She bit her lip and reminded herself again not to cry. If Neji could face his own impending marriage, then so could she. She would not disappoint them. She would not cry. She would not—

 

* * *

 

Naruto walked down the hall whistling some off-key half-remembered song. He was back from his latest mission and was going to give his report to Tsunade, not that he had much to say. It hadn't been remotely challenging. But at least he had the good fortune of running into Sakura along the way.

 

“How was the mission?” she asked plainly, though she could venture a guess as to what his answer might be.

 

“Bo-ring,” Naruto drawled, “It was waaay too easy for a great ninja like me.”

 

“Of course, of course,” she waved off the rest of his probable rant.

 

“Done with training today…or are you just getting started?”

 

“Oh, I finished up with my work with Team 8. Hinata had to leave to work on that research project of hers, so I thought I'd come see if Tsunade-shishou was available.”

 

Naruto nodded and they continued towards the Hokage's office. Right before he knocked on her door, he stopped to listen to the voice shouting on the other side. Especially since that voice belonged to Jiraiya.

 

“I'm telling you, he's hiding something huge! We can't afford to let him remain silent!”

 

“What do you expect me to do?” Tsunade snapped back, “If Ibiki isn't going to interrogate him, and we certainly can't notify anybody else about his being in Konoha, how do you expect to get answers out of him? He won't even talk to Kakashi about it.”

 

“There's got to be something we can do. Genjutsu maybe?”

 

“He's in no condition to survive something like that.”

 

“You mean to tell me that between you, Shizune, and Hinata, you've found nothing to cure him?”

 

Naruto and Sakura exchanged wary glances, both wondering if they should just leave and pretend they didn't hear anything. Clearly whatever they were talking about was not something they were supposed to know.

 

“Not a damn thing,” Tsunade begrudgingly admitted, “God knows what Orochimaru did to him.”

 

Cold settled into the pits of their stomachs right before they left. That one name left them cemented in place. They couldn't be talking about him.

 

“We're running out of time, Tsunade,” Jiraiya continued on wearily, “You and I both know he had to have gotten a good beat on the Akatsuki to track down his brother. He knows far too much for us to just let him be.”

 

“I know,” she answered softly, “I know. But it's just my luck that all these secrets are held by Uchiha Sasuke.”

 

Jiraiya was going to make a wisecrack about that, until the door slammed open. So caught up in their debate, they hadn't even noticed anyone approach the office. They didn't even have time to ponder about inattentive guards. All they could do was stare at their two students looking right back at them with eyes full of rage.

 

* * *

 

He could understand what happened to his father, in retrospect. A power-hungry and arrogant man that got nothing more than what he probably deserved: his own downfall. However…

 

“Why mother?”

 

“I hated her more than anything,” he answered far too quickly.

 

“How?!” he shouted back, “She had been nothing but kind.”

 

He thought of his mother patching up his scrapes and telling him sweet things.

 

“She loved being nobility. The wealth, the notoriety, those things meant more to her than anything. She would rather sit by and silently watch her children suffer than give up her life of luxury,” came the answer, one of the few times he'd ever seen him truly angry, “A woman who refuses to defend her young does not deserve to live, let alone be a mother.”

 

He could agree with that and felt anger bubble up as he realized the truth. Yet he could not understand why his love for her refused to lessen.

 

 

 

To be continued…

 

Author's Note: “Shishou” is a more formal title for “teacher” that Sakura uses to address Tsunade