Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Regret Not A Thing ❯ Ch. 11: Sasuke's Story I: Crawl ( Chapter 11 )

Regret Not A Thing

By Mizerable

 

 

 

Ch. 11: Sasuke's Story I: Crawl

 

It was late now, well after midnight. Sasuke tugged the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, adjusted his dead arm in its sling, slipped on his shoes all in the dark. It felt strange and not terribly stealthy to be sneaking out through the front door. But Anko was standing just around the corner out of sight and he knew she was there. She knew he knew she was there. Yet they didn't say a single thing to each other. Sasuke's assessment of her hadn't changed. She understood him perfectly. He owed her this kind of honesty in return.

 

She wouldn't stop him, even though his reason for leaving wasn't exactly the same as what she was probably thinking.

 

He let himself out without so much as a click from the door, just like any good ninja. Anko leaned back against the wall, letting her head droop. A strange lopsided smirk pulled at her mouth with a breath of soft laughter sneaking by. It would have been very easy for her to keep him here. Even if he'd been strong enough to kill a guy like Itachi, all she would have had to do was ask and he would have stayed. But she just let Sasuke, let her one hope at surviving, disappear into the night.

 

If she learned anything in her life, it was that when it really came down to it, no one was responsible for your survival except yourself. She'd be damned if she forced that kid to bear the burden for her. He'd come this far just to honor his dead family. Who was she, a near stranger (more or less), to make him carry on for her sake?

 

She sometimes wondered if maybe she could have learned to be a little more selfish. She'd certainly had the right teacher for it.

 

* * *

 

Tsunade hadn't been facetious when she said the old Uchiha Compound had been boarded up. It had taken quite a bit of effort to pry the planks loose with just one hand. He had intended to tear them all away from the door but settled for making a space just big enough for him to climb through. There was a good layer of dust coating everything, from what he could tell in the pale moonlight, and a general mustiness permeated the air. He imagined it would have been far worse if it had been the height of a Fire Country summer.

 

It still wouldn't hold a candle to the dank reek of the Sound.

 

Sasuke made his way through the familiar house, finding everything as he left it four years ago. No, this place hadn't changed at all. He was what had changed. As he ventured on, his mind covered the time he spent away in fine detail. On that time that changed him.

 

* * *

 

He'd arrived before Orochimaru still rain-soaked with his arm bleeding and two raised welts along his back. The old snake had been accommodating enough to give him a set of fine robes as a change of clothes, though it did little to change Sasuke's opinion of the man. They walked along torch-lit corridors, many lined with cells holding the "Sound Village residents," all while Orochimaru spoke grandly of the future. This new mentor, however powerful, was nothing more than a means to an end and Sasuke had no problem expressing such sentiments. Even though Kabuto warned Sasuke to mind his tongue, he felt secure in the knowledge that Orochimaru needed him quite alive to achieve his own agenda.

 

It was in this place Sasuke learned to appreciate the notion that there were fates far worse than death.

 

Orochimaru made good on his word, however. He did train Sasuke, jutsu after jutsu meticulously catalogued by his Sharingan. But more importantly, he learned several techniques that could not be copied. And considering the opponent he was going to face, he valued these most of all. He was fairly certain most of them were forbidden jutsu, but he was hardly in a position to have any moral scruples over that fact. Part of him did wonder why Orochimaru would bother teaching him such high-level techniques, even though they might one day be used against him. Sasuke justified it to himself that the man probably wanted to ensure his new body would be up to snuff when the time came. Not to mention it kept Sasuke relatively placated.

 

While it hadn't been the most ideal situation, it had been bearable. Sasuke knew he was learning a great deal. But things could never remain so docile.

 

* * *

 

It had seemed like an ordinary day, or at least as ordinary as it got around there. He'd lost track of exactly how long he'd been in the Sound, but he probably would have estimated somewhere around six months. It was a typical training session, nothing very out of place. Orochimaru was explaining some jutsu, he'd forgotten which particular one it had been. He just remembered feeling irritated by Orochimaru's condescending way of speaking, talking as if he were trying to teach a three year-old. Sasuke had muttered some comment telling the man to just make his point already. He did not have time to waste on useless exposition.

 

Even with his Sharingan, he hadn't seen the fist until it nailed him square in the jaw. He crumpled to the floor with an arc of blood splattering across the cool stone. He shakily climbed to his hands and knees, attempting to spit out the excess fluid though only managed to have most of it dribble sloppily over his chin. He hadn't been too surprised to see a tooth hit the ground and was pretty sure his jaw was broken. And here he'd thought being Orochimaru's future host offered him a certain level of security.

 

"You Uchiha all seem to suffer from a persistent problem," Orochimaru spoke as if he hadn't even been interrupted, "You're able to perform countless jutsu, yet you never bother to learn the how or the why behind them. What good is a technique if you don't understand anything about it?"

 

Even if Sasuke could use his mouth at this point, it would have been useless to try and say anything in response. This right here was the crux of the man's madness. Yes, he sought immortality. But it was for a very distinct purpose. He not only wanted to learn every jutsu for the sake of gaining supreme power, but to gain supreme knowledge. What it really came down to was a man who was likely too smart for his own good. His quest for ultimate understanding had torn him apart. Sasuke might have felt a little sorry for him, if he hadn't seen that same awful trait in his brother. Itachi had killed his own family to find his limits, so clearly this hunt for knowing everything never ended well. Sasuke took small comfort in knowing he didn't want to learn all there was. He just needed to know enough.

 

As he contemplated how to mollify Orochimaru's wrath, a foot caught him sharply in the ribs. At least two broke and it left him wheezing painfully. He had no idea how long the beating lasted, frozen and defenseless due to the ever-present curse seal. He awoke sometime later while Kabuto fussed over him.

 

"You really should learn to watch your mouth," Kabuto chastened, his polite facade wavering ever so slightly. Sasuke was actually grateful for his presence for a change. Having such a talented medic around was certainly convenient. Though he immediately started wondering if this was the same reason Orochimaru felt he could take such "liberties." And it was clear Kabuto did not like having Sasuke around. At all. Maybe he was jealous that his precious Orochimaru found someone more interesting to occupy his time. But, if Sasuke was going to be honest, he couldn't figure out why Kabuto stayed at all.

 

"I can't even imagine what makes you so loyal to him," Sasuke ground out, his jaw far too sore to manage much else.

 

"Hmm...I doubt loyal is the right word for it," Kabuto admitted mildly, "But I also have something to gain from this arrangement."

 

"Do I even want to know?"

 

"No," Kabuto chuckled softly, "Probably not."

 

* * *

 

They never discussed such things again. Even when that horrible beating proved not to be an isolated incident. If anything, the brutality of Orochimaru's treatment seemed only to grow with time. Kabuto would ever so gently inform Orochimaru that it was probably a poor idea to continuously damage his future self. It did very little to improve the situation, however, and Sasuke spent most days shuffling around in some half-wounded state. Both he and Kabuto silently questioned if Orochimaru had finally lost it completely.

 

But then the snake paid Sasuke a visit during his shower one day and brought the twisted game they played to a whole new level.

 

Sasuke had told himself he was willing to do anything for power. While he discovered he wouldn't let himself fall into Itachi's trap completely, that he wouldn't follow the supposed requirements to gain the Mangekyou Sharingan, he hadn't known he'd lower himself to this. At first, he fought until Orochimaru utilized the curse seal to force him into obedience. But when he decided to withhold teaching Sasuke anything new until he took up his "new role" of his own volition, Sasuke truly began to question how much his revenge was worth.

 

This is the path I have chosen. There is no going back.

 

* * *

 

And so he found himself on his knees playing the whore, chanting over and over in his mind that there would be an end to this someday. It did very little to sooth his nerves. And Orochimaru was nothing if not creative for finding countless ways to strip down every shred of Sasuke's being. Sasuke had thought it bad enough that he would so willingly suffer such indignities. He hadn't wanted to believe how deep the darkness that Orochimaru dwelled in really was. The man was still human, wasn't he?

 

“Sasuke-kun,” that raspy sound hissed by his ear, “I'm beginning to worry.”

 

Orochimaru reached a cold hand around to grip at unresponsive flesh, slithering up and down. Up and down. Sasuke kept his focus on a candle at the far end of the room. He studied ever flicker of its flame, watched its smoke dance and drift away into the smothering darkness.

 

“I'm starting to fear that perhaps…not everything about this body is in working order.”

 

“I've no need for such things,” Sasuke answered dully, imagining what it would take to have that small flame grow and consume this room.

 

“I do,” the hand constricted tightly, “What would it take, I wonder…”

 

Sasuke half-considered making a snotty comment in response. It would be far less agonizing to endure the probable violence that would ensue. But after pissing blood for the last week, having to recover from yet another series of injuries would only set back his training even further. And Orochimaru knew this.

 

“I'm afraid I won't be teaching you anything until you can prove everything is functioning properly,” Sasuke could practically hear the smug expression on Orochimaru's face. The faint buzzing of the curse seal stung at his neck as a far less subtle reminder. I own you, completely.

 

“Are you capable?” Sasuke tried not to wretch at the feel of that cold and sloppy wet tongue, “What would make this body cum?”

 

Sasuke contemplated biting off his own tongue to spare himself the shame. What in God's name was he doing here?! He tried his damnedest to think of the life he would have when this was over. When Itachi was dead and rotting, when he had the wonderful satisfaction of knowing there would be no more ghosts to haunt him. That was the sort of quiet bliss he craved. But it wasn't doing a fucking thing to save him now.

 

Instead, he thought of the life he could have had. The life he walked away from. Of all the dumb and self-defeating things, he thought of Sakura.

 

He wondered how pretty she might have become, of how much sweeter it would have been to be wrapped in her arms than those of a deranged lunatic. She'd been so desperately, yet undeniably, in love with him. Even though she knew he wasn't the good person she once idolized.

 

He realized now that he probably could have had a decent life with her, had things been different. But he never could have done anything so long as his family lay in graves while their killer ran free. All the love in the world couldn't erase that sort of guilt.

 

After his body performed as requested, he knew he could never go back.

He would never be able to look her in the eye knowing what he'd done.

 

Sasuke eventually did throw up when no one was there to see him.

 

* * *

 

Occasionally, Kabuto would offhandedly comment that Sasuke was becoming a nervous wreck. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. He threw himself into his training with rather reckless abandon, crawling for medical treatment at the end of the day. Part of him was even starting to forget exactly why he even came to this living, breathing hell.

 

That last year got worse. Considerably worse.

 

Perhaps knowing how close he was to his goal had just been too much for Orochimaru to handle. Most of the remaining Sound that were still alive didn't survive his "excitement." Well, in the end, none of the others had survived.

 

Most days were spent bending Sasuke around his twisted perversions, testing his body's every limit. Kabuto didn't even bother trying to keep up with healing him, nor did he seem to have any qualms with leaving Sasuke injured so long as the wounds weren't particularly serious.

 

In those last days, Sasuke had been convinced he was going to die. The time for the body transfer was fast approaching and he could see no way to escape in time. And just to ensure he stayed put, Orochimaru dragged him from his room in the middle of the night, opened a grate in the middle of the floor, and tossed him down the hole. Most people would mistake it for a storm drain. Around here they called it the Snake Pit, the darkest and most terrifying cell in Sound. At first, Sasuke shouted and cursed, especially after realizing there were chakra seals warding the prison. Then he tried to claw his way up, ripping his fingernails and bloodying his hands along the way. Eventually Kabuto appeared and ever so kindly told him to be quiet.

 

"You knew this was going to happen, Sasuke-kun."

 

"And you'll just let it?!" Sasuke shouted, his voice already hoarse, "Even you can't honestly want him to have that kind of power!"

 

Kabuto's lips twitched into a nervous not-quite smile, though Sasuke couldn't see that from where he was.

 

"I believe I already explained to you that I have something to gain from this. Why wouldn't I allow it?"

 

Sasuke was left alone in silence, save for occasional bottles of water thrown down. If nothing else, it gave him a terrible amount of time to think. He'd managed to avoid it with all the shit he'd gone through here, but now he realized he'd never felt so agonizingly lonely. He was going to lose himself completely to that monster and there was no one there for him. Not one for tears, especially after lasting this long without them, he found himself being crushed by an insurmountable wave of despair and nothing was going to hold back his choking sobs. He was going to die alone so very far from home and there was no one to weep for him but himself.

 

All of a sudden, he remembered words long since lost to him. He recalled Sakura begging him to take her with him and at that moment he desperately wished he had. He didn't want to face this alone. Even after swearing to himself that he wouldn't think of her again, even though he didn't have the right. He was just so fucking selfish though. God help him, he missed her. He missed both of them! Even in an impossible situation such as this, he was certain Naruto would have done something completely crazy and gotten out of here alive. If nothing else, Naruto would have found that speck of light.

 

Sasuke understood then how grateful he was that he hadn't taken Naruto's life.

 

In those final hours, Sasuke felt a strange calm wash over him. He thought fondly of his old team during that time, finally grasping how hard they had tried to save him from this. He found himself rather devoid of all the anger that had driven him all these years. He was never going to be the one to kill his brother, and it actually bothered him that Orochimaru would be the one to do it. He silently prayed that they'd both kill each other so the world could just wash its hands of the both of them. But a moment later, even those feelings slipped away from him. He wasn't sure if he'd ever had such clarity of mind before, though it's been said people often feel like that when they know they're going to die.

 

He smiled weakly and thought once again of Naruto's eternal optimism. He bet even now, Naruto would have a plan to live through something like this. "So long as you're alive, you still have a chance," he'd probably say. Hell, it wasn't as if he really had much left to lose. If nothing else, at least one person out there would find this proof that he had existed. He reopened the gash on one of his hands and let the blood well up.

 

This is for you, dead last.

 

With a shaky hand, he smeared his blood across the rough stone and shaped them into words.

 

"I can breathe. I can think. I have hope."

 

* * *

 

Away from Sasuke and his private funeral, a war had made its way to the Sound. The foreboding doors were threatening to give way.

 

“Hurry!” Orochimaru snarled, a frantic bundle of nerves, “Bring the boy to me!”

 

“There's no time for that now!” Kabuto, too, felt his anxiety swell, “You'll never have the time to adjust to the new vessel by the time they break in. And I haven't even prepared Sasuke-kun's body for the transfer.”

 

“What have you been doing?” Orochimaru's voice was caught somewhere between a growl and a hiss, “That should have been taken care of hours ago.”

 

“I hadn't anticipated this…” Kabuto's eyes continually darted towards the direction of fast-approaching noise, “I should have known they wouldn't remain quiet.”

 

One glare from Orochimaru shared his thoughts on the matter before he pushed past Kabuto. He was so close to his goal. There was no way he was going to give it up now.

 

“Orochimaru-sama?” Kabuto's tone was beseeching, ever the underling.

 

His feet ground to a stiff halt. Stuck somewhere between nervous agitation and his own overwhelming madness, it was near impossible for him to calculate every variable as once had. Robbed of his logic by his now twisted mind and corrupted soul, he simply didn't anticipate what should have been pathetically obvious. If he only even turned around…

 

Kabuto's dagger with it curved blade caught Orochimaru by the throat and tore it wide in a terrific scarlet shower. He dropped like a stone with a gurgled howl and eyes searching wildly for his attacker.

 

“You…you…” his words were caught in his own blood, spilling from his mouth and the wound shaped like a grim smile across his neck.

 

Kabuto watched with the coldest of expressions as his former master crawled across the floor on his belly like the snake he was.

 

“We had an agreement,” Kabuto was startlingly calm, “But now they've come and not even you could have stopped them. There's no reason for me to stay anymore.”

 

Kabuto turned away, knowing it wouldn't be much longer before they reached this spot.

 

“…I really was grateful, though. I just thought you should know.”

 

* * *

 

Sasuke could hear the noise faintly from where he was but didn't get the chance to figure out what was happening. His seal began to sear his skin before full-blown agony set in. One minute he was standing, the next he was tearing at his shoulder. His eye was changing, his skin was pulling apart. He thought for a moment that Orochimaru was taking over. Even when he realized that wasn't the case, he was still lucid enough to know the curse seal was killing him.

 

But he didn't panic. The calm he achieved did not abandon him so quickly. It was somewhat satisfying to think he'd most likely be dead before Orochimaru even got a hold of him.

 

Then the grate opened and he made himself reach for that hand. All he could think was that it was so warm. His body went limp just as he was pulled out of the hole.

 

* * *

 

“Even if we make it through this, there won't be anything to go back to.”

 

“So long as you're still alive, nothing really matters in the end. You could still find a place to settle down and have that good life. Maybe even find a woman to share it with.”

 

His face darkened like storm clouds, not knowing how to explain why he couldn't without giving himself away completely.

 

“What about you?”

 

“I never planned on getting through this. That much should have been obvious.”

 

“And if you could?”

 

He never got an answer. To this day, he wondered what it might have been.

 

 

 

To be continued…