Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Research ❯ Chapter 9

It hurt. A stabbing pain in his chest that had nothing to do with physical injury. He prided himself on trusting and supporting his friends and allies, and he had failed with the one person that mattered most. And now Gaara was missing.

All through the night Lee had searched, joined by Gaara's siblings and Naruto, but he had eluded them. Sometimes his genius was very frustrating. Exhuasted and alone, Lee had staggered into his apartment as the sun rose over the trees. His heart sank when he saw the two mugs sitting out on his counter, a testament to how much Gaara had become a part of his days. There was a familiar sting behind his eyes as Lee washed both mugs and put them away.

He knew he was tired. He knew he should sleep, but he just could not face his bed just yet. The pillows would smell of Gaara. Instead, he curled up on his couch and watched the sun rise over the trees. He knew tears were sliding down his cheeks, but he let it happen. Gaara was not there to witness his moment of weakness. Exhaustion, both physical and emotional, dragged him down, even as tears continued to fall and soak his bandages.

----

Lee woke to thunder. He jerked awake, staring at his window. `What time is it? How long have I been asleep?'

The sky gave him no clues. Black clouds filled the view from his window, with lightening dancing over the trees that were leaning in the wind. Lee pushed up from his couch, dragging his hands through his hair and across eyes gritty from tears. He had most likely missed training with Gai-sensei. Why had his teacher not come looking for him?

With the next roll of thunder, Lee looked at his door. It sounded more like pounding then an explosion from the heavens. Still groggy, Lee yanked his door open, trying to find the source of the noise.

Sand slammed him against the wall, crushing him till he could hardly breathe. His eyes were impossibly wide when he stared at the redhead standing in his doorway. He knew those eyes. Those eyes had watched while his body was crushed. Gaara's hair was wet, clinging to his skin and hanging in his eyes, while lightening lit up the skies. Lee started to struggle violently against his crushing prison.

“Explain this.” Gaara walked into the apartment, tracking mud and water behind him.

Lee stared at the redhead. “What?”

“Explain.” One pale hand fisted in the wet cloth that covered a heaving chest. “Explain this reaction.”

“Let me down.”

“No.” The sand tightened. “I'm still deciding whether or not to kill you.”

Lee's eyes narrowed. “You are going to kill me?”

The hand over Gaara's heart twisted again. “This is your fault. I shouldn't care what you do with that man, but I do.”

“I am not going to let you kill me because I am friends with Kiba.”

“And why do you think you could stop me?”

Somehow, Lee had already started the process of opening gates without even being aware of it, preparing for battle. The gourd at Gaara's back started to dissolve and drip to the floor when he recognized the shift in Lee. The taijutsu master was heartbeats away from summoning enough power to break free.

Lee suddenly sagged in the sand's grip, his head falling forward. “I am sorry, Gaara.”

The sand cresting around the Kazekage froze. “What?”

“You will not kill me. I know that. I trust you.”

“Trust . . . me . . . “

“Yes, Gaara. I trust you, and I am hoping you will trust me.”

Jade eyes glared at the trapped man. “You broke my ribs. It's your fault I feel like this now. I trust no one, why would I start with you?”

“Because I trust you.”

“Then you are an idiot.”

“We cannot work together like this. We need to stop assuming the other one is going to hurt us.”

Gaara crossed his arms and gave Lee a condescending look. “This research is not about trust. You are starting to sound like those women. I thought a shinobi would be stronger.”

Chakra flashed as Lee ripped a gate open, snatching his arm free of the sand and setting a kunai at the surprised Kazekage's throat.

“I am strong enough for you.” The kunai clattered to the floor as Lee released it. “But I trust you. You will not kill me. That makes me stronger, not weaker.” He let his arm fall limply at his side, back within reach of the sand.

The sand did not move to recapture the jounin. Gaara continued to glare. “You don't think I can kill you.”

“I know you can. And I know you will not.”

Gaara's hands clenched at his sides. “I'm a monster. Everyone knows that.”

“You are not a monster. You can trust me, Gaara.”

“I don't want to trust you.”

“You need to. You need to trust me.”

“I can't trust you. I mean nothing to you.”

Lee started to reach towards the redhead, who stepped out of reach. “You are my friend, Gaara. I trust all of my friends.”

“Trusting me could be the last mistake you make.”

“Then prove me wrong. I will not fight you anymore.”

The sand shifted, tightening and loosening while Gaara glared at the jounin, visibly torn. He took half a step forward, then another, while Lee forced his body to remain passive in the grip of his old adversary.

Long moments dragged by while the sand would start to crush, only to loosen again. With a snarl, Gaara hauled back and punched Lee in the jaw, snapping his head to the side.

The jounin blinked a few times, stretching out his jaw. Gaara might not specialize in taijutsu, but he certainly knew how to throw a nasty punch. When he refocused on the redhead, Gaara had his hand twisted in his shirt again. “Gaara?”

“I can't do it. I can't kill you. I don't understand.”

The sand started to drip to the floor, releasing Lee from the wall. Still testing his jaw gingerly, he eased towards the visibly distressed man. “I knew you could not. I can trust you, Gaara, and I think you can trust me.”

“Then what were you doing with Kiba?”

“That was friendly touching, not couple touching.”

“He said he wanted you.” Gaara's hand flashed out to grab Lee's wrist, yanking the taller man even closer. “You are mine. He can't have you.”

A dark, secret part of Lee's mind leapt at the declaration, but was quickly crushed. This was not real. “So long as you are here, I can be yours.”

Gaara narrowed his eyes and looked as though he might argue, but instead he nodded and released Lee's arm. “Fine.”

“But you will need to trust me. You cannot attack because a friend touches me. I give you my word that I will be yours while you are here.”

“And what about Kiba, or the other men he mentioned that want you?”

“I will not be with anyone but you.”

“And I am supposed to trust them as well?”

Lee finally managed to get a hand on the wet, faintly shivering Kazekage. “Who you trust and do not trust is your choice, Gaara. Regardless, no matter how youthful or sincere their offers, I will decline.”

“And if they don't take no for an answer?”

“I do not think anyone would force attentions on me.” Lee laughed at the absurdity of the idea, but kept his thoughts on the matter to himself. Gaara already looked frazzled.

“True. You would be able to dispatch the Inuzuka with little difficulty.”

Lee blinked in surprise. The casual, certain way Gaara said that . . . it was one of the greatest compliments he had received from the redhead. Gaara caught at the hand resting on his shoulder, his eyes dark and intense. The lightening still flashed through the open apartment door, illuminating the scene in flickers.

“You're mine.”

It was dangerous, but Lee could not stop himself. He would regret it later, but he was only human, and it felt so real. His heart pounded in his ears when Gaara took a possessive grip around his waist and pulled them flush. “Yes. I am yours.”

Wet lips trailed over Lee's neck. “Only mine. No one else can have you the way I do.”

The jounin let his head fall back, offering his throat to the questing mouth. “Only yours, Gaara.”

“Good.”

Lee forced his mind to shut down. Later he would regret and long for more. In this instant, this one time, he would allow himself to believe. Gaara was biting him, hard enough to bruise, and he crushed the redhead tighter against him. His clothes were already being pushed aside with rough movments, pulling hard enough to damage seams. Lee responded by helping him pull the material out of the way.

It was rough and demanding, but it was enough.

“Gaara, you forgot the door again.”

The door slammed shut. Gaara started to drag Lee through the small apartment, still working on removing clothes as he walked. The gourd was left by the door, his jacket went on a couch, his pants were forgotten in the hall, next to Lee's spandex.

Lee was shoved flat on the bed. Not since that first night had Gaara manhandled him like this. The redhead straddled him, working his way slowly down the powerful body with his mouth. Lee knew he would be littered with bruises the next day. Gaara was keeping his hands pinned. To Lee, it seemed like Gaara needed to prove that Lee was his. He shut his eyes and reveled in every sensation, arching up against the demanding mouth when it worked down his sides.

Gaara trailed his fingers over Lee's erection. “I'm the only one that has ever touched you here.”

The jounin could only moan in response, his hips coming off of the bed when Gaara took the hand away. Lee was almost surprised when he heard the oil being opened. This was fast. “Gaara?”

“I won't damage you. I don't want to wait another week while you heal.”

Lee bit his lip and shut that comment out as though it had never happened. Instead he reveled at the fingers sliding over his skin, teasing him. A single finger slid inside and made him pant. He wanted more. He wanted that impossible feeling that came with having Gaara buried inside of his body. “More. Please.”

Breath fanned across his thigh. The Kage licked and bit at his flesh while sliding a second finger into place. He was not setting a languid pace or teasing. It was almost functional, a preparation.

The third finger made him hiss, unused to moving this quickly, but he made no protest. He wanted Gaara. He wanted to be as close as two humans could be. He gasped when the pumping fingers hit his prostate. His body pushed against the intrusion, trying to increase stimulation.

When the fingers pulled away, Lee automatically stared to roll over, pulling his knees underneath him. He was confused when he was pushed back over.

“I want to watch you.”

Lee went scarlet. “Uh, well, if you want to . . .”

“I do.” Gaara caught Lee's legs, pushing them up and apart. “Kiba said that this position was possible. I enjoy watching your expression when you orgasm.”

Mortified and feeling rather exposed, Lee squirmed back. It did him no good. Gaara caught him by the hips and dragged him back down the bed. While Lee panted and scrabbled at the blankets, Gaara buried himself to the hilt inside of his partner's body.

“Gaara!” The jounin when rigid, trying not to move while his body adjusted, but knowing it would not save him. He was flat on his back, and had little say on the pace. His eyes squeezed shut as he struggled to relax, feeling the redhead shift against him.

“Open your eyes, Lee.”

Mildly confused, he complied. Gaara was studying him, unmoving.

“You're not enjoying this.”

Lee gasped, feeling frantic. “It was just a bit fast, Gaara. It is fine now!”

Jade eyes studied him for a long moment. Gaara leaned forward, pushing Lee's legs back until they were on either side of his chest and the two men were nose to nose.

“Don't.”

“Do not what?”

“If you don't like this, say so.”

Lee set his hand alongside Gaara's face. “I do not want to stop.”

“Neither do I.” Gaara closed the remaining distance, taking Lee's breath away with an intense kiss. Lost in the feel of their tongues sliding together, he scarcely noticed the hand stroking his waning erection back to full attention. He moaned into the redhead's mouth when Gaara thrust against him, a small controlled movement.

Their mouths remained locked together, their arms around each other, as Gaara started to slide in and out of Lee's body. Each moan and gasp was shared. With their bodies crushed together, Lee was reeling from the friction on his aching cock. Gaara shifted angles, making Lee tear his mouth away. “Gaara!”

“That's how my name is supposed to sound,” he growled in Lee's ear, thrusting harder into his willing partner. He leaned back a bit, watching Lee. “I want to watch you.”

“Yes, Gaara,” Lee moaned, hardly able to think anymore. He could feel it, twisting tighter like a spring. “Please, Gaara!”

Gaara grabbed his cock, stroking him twice before he exploded, splashing across the both of them. Lee's mouth was captured again, ravaged by his partner, as Gaara followed him over the peak. He collapsed in a boneless heap on Lee's chest.

Lee ran his fingers through the red hair, his thoughts groggy. `It is a good thing he is so light.'

“I think I like this position.” Gaara's breath tickled Lee's chest hairs as he spoke. “I like being able to see you and kiss you.”

“I do, too.”

----

`Ugh.' Lee ran a hand over his eyes, trying to figure out what time it was. He had stopped replacing his alarm clock days ago. The sun was much higher than he had ever seen it while still in bed. `I think I have slept in.'

A warm weight was pressed to his chest, trapping one of his arms. Smiling, Lee trailed his fingers through silky hair. “Gaara, I need my arm.”

“No.”

Lee rolled his eyes. “We cannot stay in bed all day.”

There was no response.

“If you let me up, I will make omelettes . . .”

After a long moment, the dozing Kage shifted, releasing Lee's arm and mumbling something that sounded like `acceptable'.

“I will be right back with your fuel for a powerful and productive day!” Lee bounced off of the bed, rattling his partner.

The sand whipped into the room, then stopped. Gaara peered out of the blankets, expression groggy, and studied the jounin that had frozen at the hissing sound. A wave of his hand sent the sand back out of the room and gave him the necessary wind up to chuck a pillow across the room, hitting the startled jounin in the head. “Trying to sleep.”

For a second, Lee thought he was going to cry. `He stopped himself. He is really going to try.'

“The kitchen is not in here.”

“Of course not! I will be right back!” Feeling lighter than he had in days, Lee jogged into his bathroom for a quick wash and to use the facilities. When he looked in the mirror, he could see marks across his throat and chest, but it hardly mattered. His eyes were not haunted anymore. They were shining back at him, alive again.

It was amazing what a bit of hope could do. He pulled on some loose pants and padded through his apartment. He would bring breakfast to Gaara in bed, since the redhead was showing no signs of getting up. This was what he wanted to show Gaara. The part of a relationship that was based on trust, that consisted of thoughtful gestures and time spent together.

With their clothes on.

Even if remembering the previous night was enough to make Lee burn his first omlette and have to start over.

----

“Hey, Lee! Are you in here?”

“I am on the balcony, Tenten!”

A few seconds later the young woman appeared, a large satchel in hand. “Hey, Lee! Sorry I'm running late.”

“It is not a problem! I am certain that there was something very important going on.” Lee gestured to the seat next to him on the little balcony. “Would you like anything?”

“Stay put, Lee. I know my way around your apartment.” Tenten dropped into the offered chair and opened her bag, pulling out a kunai and her sharpening supplies. “How's training going?”

“Wonderfully! Thanks to Sakura's determination and knowledge, I am well on my way to being on active duty!” Lee smiled brilliantly as he untangled one of his bandages from the pile, preparing to roll it up neatly. “I have asked the Hokage if she would consider moving me off of the injured list sooner, but she threw a paperweight at me. Maybe I should have made an appointment.”

“I don't think she wants to put you on active duty yet.” Tenten smiled while keeping her eyes on the deadly blade she was sharpening. “Just use the time off to train. Just don't over do it or Sakura will go ballistic.”

“Yes. I do not want to upset Sakura. I will follow her regimen exactly!”

“So . . . how are things with Gaara?”

Lee hesitated in his rolling. “Better.”

“So you found him and talked to him? What was that whole mess in the bar about, anyway?”

“A misunderstanding.” Lee sighed and reached for another bandage to roll. “Naruto was correct. We did not trust each other. He thought I was going to do . . . something with Kiba.”

“Naruto? Kiba? How on Earth . . . never mind, don't want to know.” Tenten studied the edge of her blade critically. “So now what?”

“We are going to trust each other. I will trust him not to attack me, and he will trust me to not break my word.”

“Lee . . . I think your experiment is getting a bit out of hand. Jealous spats in a bar? Trust issues? This is way past a dinner date or even sleeping together.”

“I know.” Lee stared at the white bandage slipping between his fingers. “It is becoming difficult to keep it as an experiment.”

“You need to stop this. It's gone too far for you.”

“It is too late now.”

Tenten pulled her blade across the stone with more force than necessary. “Why? Why is it too late? I know you promised a month, but . . .”

“I am in love with him.”

A sharp gasp made Lee look to his friend. Blood was running down her arm and dripping onto her clothes. Tenten, who never missed, had slit her hand open. “Tenten! Your hand!”

“Forget my hand! You're in love with him? Gods, Lee, you can't fall in love with him!”

“Let me see your hand!” Lee grabbed his friend's wrist, quickly wrapping one of his bandages around the slash. “You need to go to the clinic, this is very serious . . .”

Tenten used her free hand to force Lee to look at her. “Lee, are you sure? Are you sure you're in love with him?”

Still keeping pressure on the cut, Lee sighed. “I am sure. I love Gaara.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

“Nothing. Love was not a part of his research.”

“None of this was part of the research!” Tears gathered at the corners of Tenten's eyes. “If you love him. . . “

“I cannot tell him. He does not want me to love him. I will help him with his research, and then I will let him go.” Lee smiled. “What greater gift can I give to my special person then teaching him how to trust and be close to someone? Now he can find his special person!”

“Don't be so self-sacrificing, Lee! You deserve to be happy, too, you know!”

“If Gaara is happy, then I will be happy.”

“The hell you will!” The tears were escaping, running down Tenten's cheeks. “I've tried that, and it doesn't help when you're alone in the night.”

“Gaara is not Naruto.” Lee touched the tears running down his friend's cheek. “Telling Gaara would just upset him.”

“So? You'll be miserable so he doesn't have to be upset?”

“Yes. It will not help anything to upset him. I will still love him, and he will still leave.”

“You're too nice, Lee. He's using you, and you're worried about upsetting him.”

“He is not using me. Not anymore.” Lee stood and pulled Tenten to her feet. “He is very confused, and broken, but he does not mean any harm. We are going to the clinic. I believe Sakura is there, and she can repair this in a matter of seconds!”

Tenten smiled at her best friend, a final tear running down her cheek. “You know I'm here for you, right? After he leaves, I'll be here if you need to talk. Or crash on my couch and eat ice cream.”

“I know. That is what the bonds of eternal friendship are for!” Lee turned his manic grin down to a softer, gentler version. “Thank you, Tenten.”

----

Knowing that it was coming didn't help, in the end. It didn't make the second mug disappear from his kitchen counter, or change the fact that he could find stray red hairs. Nothing could change the extra food in the cupboards, or the shogi board in the living room.

It was all still there, and it made Lee's heart ache. For that short time, they had been a couple, partners, lovers. But the exams had ended, and he opened his eyes to find himself alone in the bed. No parting words or gestures. A quick check of the kitchen showed that there was no note.

Not that there was really a need. They both knew that Gaara was leaving and that he was not coming back this time. The research was over. In a distant part of his mind, Lee wondered if Gaara felt like he had gathered enough information. Had he learned enough to help him find his special person and savor that bond?

He hoped so. He hoped that a sacrifice this painful had not been in vain.

Lee stared out his window, the sun just coming over the trees. It made sense that it end this way. Gaara had just walked away. That was the deal. But, if they were still friends . . .

The door was left unlocked and bandages were forgotten as Lee tore out of his apartment, running through the village as though the hounds of hell were at his heels. It would not end this way. He would not allow it! He had to say good bye.

He was almost startled to see a group at the gates, turned towards him. As though they had been waiting. Lee slid to a stop, eyes on the redhead that was standing next to the Hokage. “Oh, um, Gaara . . . sama. I did not get the chance . . .”

“I was about to go to your apartment.” Gaara stepped away from the group, walking to Lee. “I had expected you sooner than this.”

“You were . . . waiting?”

“I believe that was the proper action. It was certainly expected of everyone.”

“Oh.” Lee stared at the man, trying to memorize every detail for the long nights ahead. This was his special person, and there was no one else that held that place. To say good bye, especially with so many people watching . . . “I hope that I was able to help you with your research, Gaara-sama!”

“Don't call me that.” The jade eyes narrowed. “Never call me that.”

Lee nodded quickly, startled. “Of course, Gaara!”

It was awkward. It had never really been awkward between them, but now neither of them knew what to do. Hesitantly, Lee held out his hand, the same gesture he had seen Naruto use in this situation. “I will look forward to our next meeting!”

Gaara looked at his hand for a long moment before taking it, his skin warm and soft. The grip tightened suddenly and Lee was dragged in for a kiss, making him gasp and grab on to the shorter man. The world seemed to spin for a long, horrible, wonderful second. How could this not be real?

It was over. Gaara drew back, his expression blank, before turning away to join his siblings. Temari was watching Lee, her eyes sad, before she turned away to walk out of the gates with her brothers.

Lee just stared after them, rooted to the spot. Someone called his name. “What?”

“Lee!” Tenten called, catching him by the arm and giving him a shake. “Are you okay?”

His heart was screaming. No, he was not okay. But this was the agreement. “I am fine, Tenten! Thank you for your youthful concern!”

“Lee . . . “

“I must return to my apartment, I will be late for my training with Gai-sensei.” His smile slipped a bit when he was the blatant disbelief in Tenten's eyes. “It is okay, Tenten.”

Before anyone else could ask questions, Lee was gone. It was time to start living his life again, even if Gaara was no longer a part of it.