Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Risque Redux: A Side Story ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

A/N: This was inspired by Moerae's Risque, a hee-worthy SasuNaru WIP. It's a bit like a series of side story drabbles kinda thing, and you'll probably need to read Risque to understand the whole joke/concept, but otherwise this is set in a diverging timeline and it won't incorporate too much of original's elements.

"Sasuke," Kakashi said solemnly. "I will now officially accept your membership into Pervert Hood, the one and only club where members can be as perverted as they like. Now, I know it is a bit of a surprise -- and if I do say so myself, the Pervert Hood doesn't just take in any members. Those who do get in are a very special kind of pervert. A rare breed, in this world of morally minded people." He shook his head with a sigh.

Sasuke stood stock still, jaw not quite dropping open but close enough to give the image of absolute and utter shock. His body wouldn't move, no matter how many times Sasuke's brain would fire off tiny burst of run-like-hell commands, and he couldn't speak. His mouth wouldn't even close let alone protest in outrage to Kakashi.

Words wanted to slip out -- "I'm not a pervert, dammit" and "the hell?" were very close favourites -- but before he could even gain back his much needed control over his paralysed body, Kakashi continued his speech. Sasuke had a wild feeling that Kakashi wouldn't stop until he finished that blasted speech.

"These morally minded people have to be reminded about the pleasures of the world. They are very, very poor indeed, not having read great classical books such as these," he took a moment to pat his pocket fondly and then continued, "and I have very little hope that they would have indulged in such wonderful activities as us. Right, Sasuke?"

Was it his imagination or did Kakashi just wink at him? Sasuke shuddered and backed a few steps, already eyeing his surroundings for the perfect escape. Kakashi had gone mad; absolutely crazy. Sasuke had always suspected the Jounin was out of his mind, and now he knew. Oh he defintely knew. Somehow, it didn't surprise him that reading perverted books had twisted Kakashi into the insane person he appeared to be now. No, it didn't. Sasuke nodded to himself. Then he stopped, dark eyes growing wider by the second as Kakashi gave him a pleased grin.

"Well, well," a deep bellow rang out in the silent clearing. "Looks like our new member is settling in nicely."

Sasuked whirled around and faced Jiraiya, who was moving gracefully out of the bushes he was hiding in. Again, Sasuke found his mouth opening and closing in shock while he speechlessly looked from Kakashi to Jiraiya and Jiraiya to Kakashi.

"Congratulations, Sasuke. Welcome to the Pervert Hood." Jiraiya clapped Sasuke's back heartily. "Why, even I wasn't in the Pervert Hood until I was at least five years older than you are now," he said seriously, leaning close to Sasuke, "You have the potential to be a great Pervert, Sasuke. We will teach you our ways and -- "

Sasuke ran for his life.