Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Saffron and Spoony Present: Meet the Characters! ❯ Meet the characters, part one! ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Title: Saffron and Spoony Present: Meet the Characters! (part one)

Author: A Spoony and Saffron fanfic.

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: GaaLee, SasuNaru, KakaIru, KankyShinoKiba, ShikaChou, SakuIno, KuraJira, TemaHin, GaiTsu (onesided), ItaSaku (onesided) ItaTen (one sided)

Genre: Humour, crack! fic romance (sorta)

Rating: Err, 15?

Warning(s): Crack humour, randomness, mentions of sexual activities, innuendo , bad language, drug references

Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, not us *Weeps* and the `Gone With the Wind theme music' belongs to the peeps who made the `Gone With the Wind' movie

Summary: Meet the characters of Carry on Naruto! And the authors too…

Spoilers: Nothing specific

Authors notes:

Spoony: It's a whole lot of crazy. So many good jokes in this. HUZZAH!

Saffy: I'm the one that keeps on sticking in *Gone With the Wind theme music*, because I'm obsessed with Star Stories. Look it up and you'll see why! ^^

Saffy and Spoony Productions present...

Meet the characters!

*Gone With the Wind theme music*

Naruto: Hi, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, make shift Nine-Tail fox container and kicker of various ass. I'm 16, my dad was the Yondaime, my mum was crazy like me and I'm NOT a Dobe. I love ramen, Ramen, annoying Teme's and using the "1000 years of pain" technique on Snake pedo's who try to turn certain Teme's against me.

Sasuke: God, do I have to do this?

Spoony: Yes, *Holds a gun to his head*

Sasuke: *Sigh* Fiiiiiiiiiine

Sasuke: I'm Uchiha Sasuke, and I'm sixteen as well. I don't like ramen, I don't like sweet things, but I like fighting and my Dobe. I'm the younger brother of Itachi. I dedicated my life to killing him after he wiped out the rest of our clan, but I gave up when...well, you'll see in a bit.

Saffy: Thanks Sasuke! ^^

Spoony: Knew he'd come round *Snickers and puts away the gun*

Spoony: NEXT!

Saffy: I'll handle this one; *Pulls out a bag of green stuff out of her pocket, throws it on floor*

Saffy: *Waits*

Itachi: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED *Leaps from nowhere onto the bag of ganja*

Spoony: ... Holy shit! Itachi, seriously!

Itachi: B'uh?

Spoony: Nevermind...

Saffy: He's out of the wardrobe! At last…

Itachi: 'Sup dudes. My names Uchiha Itachi. I'm like, Sasuke's brother even though he hates my guts coz I like totally wasted our clan. But that's only coz someone doped me with some LSD *Glares at Orochimaru*. Dude, I'm so baked right now... and pretty much all the time. I smoke pot because of my Sharingan hurts my eyes, it's totally like medicinal and all that shit.

I'm a Member of the Akatsuki and we like are the total bomb man. I love chillin' with my Boy Blu, Kisame. He's my homie and watches my back. We're tight. He's like my Silent Bob to my Jay... anyone seen my bong?

Spoony: No Itachi I haven't seen your bong... *Mutters fucking stoner*

Sasuke: THAT'S why I haven't killed him. Not much point, he just mostly drifts around and tries to kidnap Naruto when he's near sober

Itachi: Almost had him too... wasted a whole bag of weed on that 'special ramen'. Still when the munchies call, you don't ignore 'em. 'Sides he was kinda banging my lil' bro at the time any way...

Saffy: o_0 See, I'm a perv, and even I SO didn't need to know that

Spoony: I could stand to hear a little more... *Devious face a slight nosebleed*

Hinata: M-me too Spoony-sama

Spoony: Any way, Hinata: You're next!

Hinata: Okay...

Hinata: Um, I'm Hyuuga Hinata, I'm sixteen, and my hobbies include videotaping, night vision photography, planting cameras, ...reading and writing *Sniffs*, stalking, chasing...groping *Nosebleed*

Saffy: *Gives her a bucket* Don't bleed on the carpet, luv, it's shagpile

Spoony: Ah a girl after my own twisted heart.

Saffy: Indeedy

Temari: HANDS OFF! *Whips out fan of death*

Naruto: Huh? why is Hinata-chan having a nosebleed?

Saffy: TEMARI!! *Glomps, gropes*

Sasuke: Dobe, you're such a moron...

Naruto: Hey!

Itachi: Dude. Thats like... totally *Lights up a fresh joint*

Hinata: Oh T-temari!

Spoony: ... I'll be in my bunk *Runs off with a streaming nosebleed*

Saffy: Ohh, Temari!

Sasuke: *Feels sicks* Enough with the girl groping! Temari, introduce yourself while I open a window *Glares at Itachi*

Temari: GET OFF ME! *Smacks Saffy away*

Spoony: WIIIIIIIIIIIFE!

Saffy: So cruel T_T Hold me!

Spoony: *Glomps Saffy* Now stop your fussing

Itachi: C'yah chill out man

Spoony: Here *Whips out some Sasu/Naru Doujinshi* Go nuts

Saffy: Eeeeeek! *Glomps doujin*

Temari: *Ahem* Right. Hi My name is Subaku no Temari, I'm 19, an elite nin from Sand and I'm Hinata's girlfriend so if any of you perverts out there even try to take advantage of her I will personally rip out your entrails and sell them to the Scots okay?

Spoony: ...You do realise you girlfriend is a perv right?

Temari: *Glare* Any way, When I'm not with my Heiress I like to hang out with my family and try to protect my younger brother, Gaara, from any dangerous and disturbing influences.

Spoony: What about Kanky-chan?

Temari: Pfft, he's past saving....

Kankuro: HEY!

Saffy: *Drooling over DJ*

Kankuro: Well, the most handsome man is here at last! I'm Kankuro, Puppet master and Sand nin, and I'm 18, and I am the genius of my family. I also have a part-time boyfriend, Kiba

Spoony: Hehehe, he likes it doggy style

Itachi: *Snort* Word *Tries to high five Spoony but falls flat on his face*

Saffy: *Has finished doujin* ^^ I dunno what Shino would say about that

Spoony: Not a lot I should imagine.... although I hear his bugs sing what he feels

Shino: ...

Shino bugs: GET YOUR HANDS OF MY KIIBA MOTHER FUUUUUUUCKEEEEEEER!

Spoony: 0_o

Naruto: Holy shit, wait I think Sasuke sang that once when he was drunk and Sai asked to check if I even had a dick

Saffy: Say hi to the viewers Shino!

Shino: *Waves*

Sasuke: Dobe...

Saffy: Bless their cottons. Okay, Shino, say a little about yourself

Shino: ...

Spoony: Wow, that's deep man

Saffy: Argh, bloody men. Spoony will get the gun unless you talk!

Kanky: You women are insane

Spoony: *Smiles evilly, eyes glowing red as she pulls out her gun* With pleasure my wife... *Starts cackling insanely*

Itachi: DUDE! You got sharingan too? Heavy...

Shino: *Sighs, getting worried by the crazy lady with the gun* Fine... I'm Shino. I'm a ninja. I like bugs... and certain dogs.

Saffy: Now that wasn't too hard! ^^ *Smilesmile*

Naruto: She scares me Teme...

Sasuke: *Holds Naruto*

*Saffy and Spoony drool over yaoiness*

*Kiba wanders in with Akamaru* Hey, here you both are! Why are you in a room with crazy girls and the Uchiha family reunion from Hell?

Spoony: *Ahem* I'm not CRAZY!

Akamaru: *Barks happily and runs over to Spoony*

Spoony: *Returning to normal* DOGGY!

Kiba: Is this an orgy or something?

Saffy: No... (I wish) But see the lovely people over there? Why don't you go over and say a little about yourself?

Spoony: Doggy doggy doggy!

Kiba: Eh, okay. I'm Kiba, I'm from the Inuzuka clan, I like rock music, my dog, biscuits, sex, and my two boyfriends *Points at Kanky and Shino* But they don't like each other, dunno why…

Shino and Kanky: ...

Spoony: DOGGY! *Continues to play with Akamaru with Itachi looking at her strangely*

Kiba: Hey, you two love Run DMC and I listen to that shit when you put it on, don't say that ain't love!

Shino and Kanky: ...

*Saffy whispers to Itachi* I think Spoony needs help

Itachi: Dude... *Nods*

Spoony: And this is how we tickle the Doggy Ninja's tummy! Tickle Tickle!

*Saffy bitchslaps Spoony* FOCUS!!

Kakashi: Wow, lady BDSM, I always seem to walk in at the right time...

Spoony: *Knocked senseless and unconscious*

Saffy: ...Too hard?

Sasuke: Kick her!

Naruto: Er... I don't know, did y'all not see the red glowly eye thing?

Itachi: B'ah, I get that all the time

Kakashi: That's because you're stoned.

Itachi: True dat

Saffy: SPOONY, I'M SORRY! *Cuddles wife to bosom*

Kakashi: *Watching*

Saffy: *Sniffs tearfully* Kakashi-sensei, your intro please...

Spoony: Maaaaaaattt Daaaaaaaamon *Collapses again*

*Saffy gives more wifey cuddling*

Kakashi: ...Boobs. Anyway, Yo, I'm Hatake Kakashi, and what I do and what I don't like are none of your business. But I love and appreciate the human body in all its beautiful natural forms, like my...*Looks around* Where's Iruka?

Hinata: *With bucket* H-he says he won't come out until you return his clothes

Naruto: Kakashi sensei!

Saffy: Kakashi, not again!

Sasuke: *Rolls his eyes* You're such a pervert

Kakashi: It's not perversion, I am an artist...a naked artist *Filthy leer*

Hinata: *Bows* Sensei!

Kakashi: And with that, I got back to my canvas *Cackles and leaves*

Shino: ...

Kiba: I know, this weirder than that day with the pancakes and jounin exams!

Chouji: I've found the room! *Walks in with bag of food and a big piece of card under his arm*

Shikamaru: *Also with a card* How troublesome...

Itachi: DUUUUUUUUUUUUDES!

Shikamaru: Hey

Naruto: Wait, you lot know each other??

Itachi: Totally lil' dude! He's my dealer! What up Shika my man?

Shika: Not much, I just wanted to stay home, but Chouji insisted we come along...

Chouji: We're trying to earn money for a cruise holiday ^^

Saffy: A cruise?

Naruto: Cooooooool, can we go on one Teme?

Sasuke: No, waste of money.

Naruto: *Grumbles cheapskate*

Chouji: It'll be a great, 10 restaurants, 20 cafes and 7 all night buffets. We'll lay down by the pool and get those drinks with the weird colours! ^^

Temari: So...basically, eat and look at the clouds. Same as always then

Shikamaru: Troublesome woman

Itachi: Dude, I'll totally help pay for your holiday, just hit us up with a shit load of your finest cheba and we're on

Shikamaru: Usual bulk order?

Chouji: Usual box of brownies?

Itachi: Hook me up, homo-bros *Hands over wad of cash*

Kisame: ITACHI!

ItachI: Uhhh

Kisame: Would ya stop stealing my wallet to pay for your fucking habit?

Itachi: My bad

Kisame: *Bops Itachi*

Spoony *Twitches*

Shika; Right, I'm Nara Shikamaru-

Chouji: And I'm Akimichi Chouji!

Kisame: And I'm Kisame, Itachi's *Sigh* partner, although I feel like his fucking parole officer half the time *Glares at the Uchiha Stoner*

Shikamaru: I'm a ninja, but I don't like to do much, guess you can say I'm a slacker. Cho is my boyfriend...you finish...this is too troublesome

Chouji: Tch, so damn lazy! I like cooking, eating and cloud watching. Shika and I are dating, and we also have our own private business selling...um, all natural herbs, to fund our big holiday. We have a flawless campaign, ready Shika?

Shikamaru: Meh -.-

Chouji: *Pout*

Shikamaru: Okay okay...*Holds up sign, it says "Remember kids, just say no to drugs..."*

Chou: *Holds up his sign "Unless you're buying from us!"*

Itachi: HELL YEAH!

Spoony: *Twitch twitch*

Saffy: ^^ Anou sa, I'm not sure that's legal... ^^;;;;;; (Doesn't want to get sued)

Shikamaru: Meh, probably not...

Kisame: If it wasn't the fact you guys give Itachi such a good deal and that he'd bitch at me like Deidara during 'that' time of the month, I would rip you guys a new one

Chouji: Well why don't you have some delicious homemade brownies to forget your troubles

Naruto: Mmmm, brownies *Reaches*

Sasuke: *Smack* Those aren't regular brownies!

Temari: I'll take 5!

Kankuro: How strong are they?

Chouji: I can do from mostly normal to, uh, wackybaccyriffic *Scientific term*

Itachi: *Mouth starts watering* Dude, if I wasn't already in love with that Pink Haired Chick I would so totally do you both

Everyone: NANI? 0_o

Itachi: Wha?

Kisame: Her name is Sakura...

Kiba: I always thought Kakashi was the main Konoha dealer...

Shikamaru: He was, but then he got side tracked by Iruka

----------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------

Kakashi: *From another room* It's a full-time sexy project!

Iruka: Gah, get off me!!

----------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------

Itachi: *Love hearts in his eyes* Oh Sakura, if you were mine I'd totally share my stash with you any day. I'd roll you a joint and make you a bong worthy of song.

Hinata/Temari: -_-;; Who said romance is dead?

Itachi: And we'd sit together, smokin' and laughin'. Together in our own smokey haze of love and weed...

Sasuke: 0_o

Kisame: Please, don't encourage him...

HInata: W-we weren't...

Naruto: Ya know Sakura is way younger than you right?

Itachi: LOVE KNOW'S NO AGE!

Sasuke: That's what Orochimaru said... >_>

*Naruto glomps traumatised boyfriend*

Itachi: *Ignores Sasuke's comments and stays in his Sakura filled daydream*

Kisame: You only like her because you know she could probably find you a stronger type of skunk known to man

Itachi: *Drooling* She's my pink haired goddess...

Shino: ...

Kiba: Shino's right, if you have anything stronger your brain will pop

Kisame: I don't think he even has a brain...

Itachi: Damn, bro, that's harsh man..

Sasuke: I totally agree with Kisame

Naruto *Sighs*

Spoony: *Twitch twitch*

Saffy: You guys, I think Spoony's in a coma, what should I do?

DUN DUN DUN

So we've been introduced to quite a few characters

Will Iruka ever get introduced?

Will Itachi ever win the hand of his lady love?

And will Spoony ever come out of her pain induced coma?

Find out on the next exciting instalment of Saffy and Spoony's: Meet the Characters!

*Gone With the Wind theme music*

Spoony: *Opens her eyes and sees nothing but white* ... Shit I think I'm dead.

Voices: Welcome, I believe you know our son...

Spoony: o_0 HOLY SHIT IT'S!

(tbc)

OWARI

A Spoony and Saffron Production.