Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Secret Love ❯ Sleep ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.

　 … 　 Sleep

When I woke it was dark outside. I was wrapped up in blankets to my neck and curled on my side. I was alone but from the noise I could hear in the room next door Naruto was still here. Then again, why wouldn’t he be? He lived here. I turned on my back and couldn’t help but scrunch my nose at the ache in my bottom.

I had to wonder what would happen now. Would things just be normal? Would everything go back to the way it was now? I thought it should, how else would things go? I thought maybe Naruto would act awkwardly, sensitive as he was. The dobe would probably try to make things much more difficult than needed. Knowing him as I did this was to be expected, but I still hoped things would return to normal.

Would we never do that again then? Did that mean it was a one off? Never to transpire again for the rest of our lives? I hoped that wasn’t the case. I wanted to do it again already, never mind waiting. Because that had been really nice, though I’d never tell him that. It may have started shaky but the ending sure was something I was going to get again. I mean, I had never felt anything like that. It was exceptional. It was amazing. It was definitely going to happen again.

Was that why people had sex then? Because of that…explosion was the only word I could think to call it. A mind numbing sensation coursing through my veins and pulsing inside me intensely. Oh yes, I would need to make sure this happened again.

It was then that a rather disturbing thought hit me. Why could I not remember much after this wave of adrenaline? Excitement? Explosion?…Why couldn’t I remember falling asleep? Surely we had said something afterwards. Or maybe we hadn’t said anything but surely I should remember at least separating from him, moving away, falling asleep. Didn’t I go to the bathroom? Wash?

A quick check showed that no, I had not been to the bathroom to clean myself. That was when my thoughts grew darker…if I couldn’t remember and I hadn’t gone to the bathroom…did that mean I had…passed out?…No! No way! Definitely not. I must have simply fallen asleep much faster than normal. That was perfectly alright, Naruto probably did so too.

The thought had me glaring at the bed covers while I listened to the sounds of Naruto in the kitchen. What was he doing? I wasn’t going to get out of bed, not now, not for anything. Not with the pain in my lower regions. I’d stay in bed till tomorrow. Naruto could take the couch tonight. Perhaps I’d get up to shower. But that was all.

I heard voices, one I knew was Naruto’s and another - a woman. It was Mai, I realised after a moment. It wouldn’t have normally taken so long but they were talking so quietly I couldn’t hear what they were saying, it was a struggle just to make put which voice was speaking. I wondered if Naruto was talking about me.

Which brought me to another…negative thought. What if it didn‘t just go back to normal? How would Naruto act towards me after what we’d done? I wondered if he’d avoid me. In another situation I may have been pleased with having him away from me, but now I couldn’t find it in myself to want that. What was he saying to Mai? I really wanted to know. I couldn’t shake the thought that it was about me. Was it about what we’d done? Was it how to make things less uncomfortable around me? Because it was expected of Naruto to presume our relationship would now be more difficult.

I wished I hadn’t agreed. The whole mess would have never happened if I’d just said no. We were so unprepared for anything like this. Why had I agreed? Maybe in time…no maybe we never should have tried this. The first time was a mistake. It was my mistake and I could handle that, but this…I had no excuse for this…I had agreed to this. I had consented, this was a choice I had made…

What had I done? I briefly wondered what I‘d done in the past that I could possibly have regretted more than this. Surely there was something. Then the door opened.

It opened slowly, cautiously. Obviously Naruto thought I was still asleep. He saw me soon though and when he did his response shocked me. He straightened up and flicked on the light, before regarding me with questioning, inquiring eyes. Not the eyes I expected to see him wearing the next time I saw him.

“Do you want a sandwich?” he asked me, casual as anything. I didn’t reply; couldn’t reply…

“Mai’s here, by the way.” He smiled “We’re making snacks - some snacks - a few snacks,” he shrugged, “she’s had nothing to eat all day and I’m always hungry. So, d‘you want anything?” He asked, again, as he usually does, as his usual self. I couldn’t help but be…bewildered.

“No.” I say, because I think that’s what I would usually say, and since he seems to be acting ‘normal’ I figure I should at least try. It would make things easier if everything stayed the same. That’s what I wanted in the first place. I wanted normality. I wanted this back to the way we were before.

He mumbled something and then said, in a tone of voice quite childish “fine then, be a prude.” Before sticking his tongue out and retreating from the room.

I sat there for a while in a state of almost…shock. I had been so prepared for an awkwardness, for a strangeness I would be able to fight, to reject and focus on. And yet this, such normality, I found even more difficult to bare. I could hear the conversation begin again outside the bedroom. The floors moaned when someone moved. My own eyes stayed stuck on the opposite wall and the window it had in it’s centre.

It was…so odd. For Naruto to behave almost as if nothing had happened. If I couldn’t feel the discomfort inside me I may have questioned if the whole afternoon had really transpired. Deciding that it was worth less time than I was willing to spend pondering I lay myself back down comfortably and let my mind drift.

I felt so…different. Surreal was the closest word I could find to describe the sensations running through me. It was almost as though I was very tired and yet very awake at he same time. I felt like I was floating, a dizzy sort of feeling. Physically though I was uncomfortable. The sheets stuck to me in a way I’d never experienced before. I could smell myself and it wasn’t nice. The room was unbearably hot and as such I was still sweating a little. And I was sticky. Yeah, not pleasant.

Closing my eyes I attempted to burry myself within this surreal atmosphere I was in and the next time I was disturbed from this was to the smell of tomatoes. Instinctively my body urged me to follow it. Naruto had said nothing of tomatoes. Was he making tomatoes sandwiches? Why hadn’t he said that if it was the case. Naruto knew how much I liked tomatoes. Surely he would have said something.

For a moment I waited in contemplation. What would be worse? Missing out on tomatoes? Or having to face Naruto and his odd normality?

Reluctantly I decided that the second was the less of the two evils and carefully pried myself from the sheets. I couldn’t help but notice that nobody had cleaned them and felt myself shudder in disgust. Looking down upon myself I realised that while I was not dirty, I wasn’t all clean either. Someone had cleaned me up all right, but they’d made a decidedly poor job of it.

Shaking my head I wrapped myself in the only dressing gown we had and proceeded through to the kitchen, fully prepared to face Naruto. What awaited me was a little less than I’d expected. Not that I’d expected much, but I’d expected more than Mai leaning against the counter, a mug wrapped in her dainty hands, while Naruto placed neatly chopped tomatoes into a bed of lettuce and cover with a pale sheet of bread. I could see an array of sandwiches lined up in lines across our dinner table and wondered why there were so many.

Mai looked up at me as soon as I entered, Naruto however, did not. Instead he grinned widely and boasted to Mai “Told you he’d be here in no time” before promptly sticking out his tongue and continuing with the sandwiches. Mai merely chuckled and took a sip of her drink, clearly amused by the situation. I had a feeling she knew more than she should.

“What is this, Naruto?” I asked, feigning indifference.

“What, this?” He asked in a ridiculously immature tone as he indicated the food in front of him.

I grit my teeth in an effort to keep myself calm. I was not comfortable with the situation. “Yes, that. What is that, Naruto?”

“This is the sandwich you don’t want.” I closed my eyes at his stupidity and Mai laughed and turned around, pouring her drink down the sink and rinsing out the mug. I scowled at her back, annoyed at their behaviour and sore in places people should not be sore.

“I meant the ones all over our dining room table.” Naruto just snorted at me and enquired if I’d have a nice nap. I could have killed him. I really wanted to, especially when Mai burst into giggles and bent over our worktop to control herself. Because that proved it all really - he’d clearly told her more than he should have. What happened in the morning was between me and him and it was certainly none of her business. And I really wanted that sandwich but now that he’d thrown back in my face how I didn’t want it before my pride wouldn’t let me ask for it. I was surprised, a little, when I found the patience to answer him.

“Yes, actually, I enjoyed my sleep. Not that I can say the same for any earlier activities.” And then I yawned, and really, I would remember the look that swept over Naruto’s face for too long. Mai nearly collapsed from laughter and to take advantage of the situation whilst I could I snuck up and snatched a tomato sandwich from one of the piles before turning smugly and returning to bed, Mai‘s laughter keeping the smirk on my lips as well as the indignant ‘he‘s lying!’ that I heard from behind me.

I’d thought that perhaps Naruto would follow me, but in the end he never came. I suspected it was Mai who held him back, but either way I wasn’t bothered. I’m not sure when I did fall asleep, but one minute I was sweeping crumbs from the sheets and the next I was flat on my back, out sooner than I would have expected.

I could hear singing. I recognised the voice, though perhaps not immediately. In fact I almost doubted my instincts, for why should I dream of Sakura? But as I turned where I stood on the white earth and swivelled through the white mist in search of a visual to match the sound, there she was. Sakura stood on a stage, one with flowers and cherry blossoms to surround her, singing into a microphone. Yet there was no audience. No, surely there was nobody here but myself. The sight puzzled me…where was I? …Don’t try to explain your mind, I know what’s happening here…

“Outoto.” I turned, looking again for a body to match the assumption. Sakura’s song continued while I turned again and again. Though through the heavy mist Sakura’s saddened appearance had vanished. I struggled to pull even my own weight through the thickness of it. …One minute it’s love and, Suddenly, It’s like a battlefield…

“Outoto,” I turned. Where was he? I could see nothing anymore. Even the sand beneath my feet was too far for the mist to allow. …One word, Turns into a war. Why is it the smallest things, That tear us down…

“Where…?” I asked, wanting to see him more than anything. Even Sakura’s bleak visage would have helped me understand this dream. It was like no other. The feeling surrounded me. “Where are you…Itachi?!” My body broke into a run and in the next instant I was in a room; a room not unfamiliar to me. And yet it was not the same. It had been too long for me to remember the last time I’d seen my brother’s bedroom look like this. …My world’s nothing when you’re gone, I’m out here without a shield…

He was standing by the bed, crouching to look underneath. He was younger than me, I realised. The thought sickened me. He must have been only eleven or twelve here. I saw him pull something out from under the bed. It was large and struggling and I knew immediately what it was. I felt even worse when the noise began. The laughter grew and grew until both were in a fit of giggles. Lying on Itachi’s bedroom floor tickling one another. …Can’t go back, Now…

“There,” he panted, “I found you.” his voice carried such feeling that I had remembered so vividly in other dreams. I stared at myself with apathy though. I had been a foolish child. Playing games, acting up, it had been unnecessary and I wished I had not been so very blind. …Both hands, tied behind my back, for nothing…

“Aniki! Aniki! Play with me more!” The small body whined, pitifully, climbing over him enthusiastically. But no. “No, no, Sasuke. I have something to do.” At the look on the child’s face, though, Itachi softened. “I’ll play with you again soon, Outoto. I promise.” And I couldn’t watch when he raised two fingers and tapped the boys forehead. With my head turned, I listened on to Sakura’s song. …Oh, no, These times when we climb so fast to fall, Again…

My head turned back when I felt pressure on my wrist. He was standing in front of me, tears trickling their way down his cheeks. Itachi was alone now and the room faded fast, dissolving into a mist once more. This mist was different though; slightly darker; slightly thinner. He was holding my wrist. I didn’t mind the contact, though I knew very well how I should, but he was so warm. …Why we got to fall for it, Now…

“Itachi…” I tried, prying for the reason behind his upset. It was the only way I’d be free from this dream. The feeling was getting worse with each passing moment. Itachi opened his mouth and began talking, but no words came from his mouth, only silence, yet his mouth continued to move. He seemed like he was saying something important, his face turned strict, like father’s and he pointed behind me. I didn’t want to turn. I knew the moment I did the feeling would grab hold of me. It would grow stronger, I knew. But how else could I escape this dream. How else could I get back to reality. I turned. …I never meant to start a war, You know I never want to hurt you…

I was in a field, the mist was thin enough for me to see but dark enough for me not to make out the entirety of the scene in front of me. There were people. So many people. But not the people I wanted to see. These were the people I never wanted to see in my dreams. All of them. Everyone. …Don’t even know what we’re fighting for…

My mother, so kind and caring, so lovely, stood next to my father, his shoulders high and mighty, strong and powerful. And proud, so, so proud. My cousins, all stood in a line with their parents behind them. My neighbours, my family. The Uchiha clan. …Why does love always feel like, A battlefield? A battlefield? A battlefield?…

Senju Hashirama, the Shodai and founder of the leaf village stood with them, his face emotionless as his depiction on the monument. The Nidaime, his brother at his side - Senju Tobirama. Even Sarutobi Hiruzen stood with them, young as he was in his prime. And Minato. Namikaze Minato. My eyes lingered on him for a moment. He was the only one to smile, and he looked like…he looked so much like Naruto as he stood there with the others. The Hokages. …Why does love always feel like, A battlefield? A battlefield? A battlefield?…

Orochimaru. He stood with them also. His sneer still firmly in place. His followers behind him. The sound four. Or five, to be more accurate. I recognised Kimimaro standing there, though I had never met him myself. The twins, Sakon and Ukon were there. Jirobu, Kidomaru and that girl Tayuya. …Why does love always feel like…

Then there were the others, so many others. I saw a man who shared a striking resemblance with Kakashi and thought him to be the father. There were a group from Akatsuki, Hidan and Kakuzu were two of them. Standing between the Hokages and the Uchiha clan were two people, a girl and a boy. They looked young. Only about twelve. Genin. One had goggles on his head, black hair and a huge grin, the other had auburn hair, a rectangle print on each cheek and was looking at the other. They were missing someone. …Can’t swallow our pride, and neither of us, want to raise that flag…

I turned away from them then. A burning in my chest that I couldn’t explain. The feeling was taking over my mind, I could hardly think. What was this? I looked for my brother but what I found confused me. He was there, only, there were two. Itachi stood harsh and evil, a cloak with clouds covering him and his sharingan spinning next to my brother. My brother was young, twelve or so. He was kind and sorry and crying, he was holding someone by the shoulders. Someone short. Myself. …If we can’t surrender, Then we’re both going to lose what he have, Oh, no…

I couldn’t take my eyes away. But I didn’t have to. They moved apart and there was a mirror, an image of myself. I stood harsh and evil, a cloak with clouds covering me and my sharingan spinning. I looked to Itachi. I looked to my brother. I looked to myself. What was this? I looked back to the mirror but it was gone, instead I could see in the distance. The thick fog was so light now, but so black. There was someone standing there in the distance - an army behind them, just like my army of dead behind me. …both hands, tied behind my back, For nothing…

It was Naruto. Sakura’s voice grew louder again, cutting through me like an arrow, piercing my chest and a pain so deep began to fester and grow. The feeling bubbled inside me like a plague, tearing and eating its way through me. It was Naruto. …Oh, no, These times when we climb so fast to fall, Again…

I started walking, drawing closer, my army of death following at an equally slow pace. I wanted speed. I needed to get to him. I wanted some normality here. And I’d never before dreamt of Naruto. Not like this. I began to run, but my movements were so slow, my feet took years to move through the air, my steps seemed messy and hurried but I moved straight with accuracy. Slowly. …Why we got to fall for it, Now…

I was reaching for him, almost there, I was almost to him. I needed to get to him. It was the only way. The only way to escape from this dream. The feeling was getting worse with each passing moment, but I ignored it, buried it deep enough so that I could focus: I was nearly with him. I was nearly there. …I never meant to start a war, You know I never want to hurt you…

The closer I got the thinner the fog became, but darker still and soon I could not make out my own hands in front of me. Still I ran, but was I really running? I felt like I was, like I should be, but as I concentrated I realised it was false. I was not in control. I was not the one moving. …Don’t even know what we’re fighting for…

I tried to push myself, to walk faster at least, but I walked forward with persistence and patience. I couldn’t understand, the pain in my mind, in my heart, the feeling was overpowering me. Was it that that had taken control of my body? Was that why I could not move myself? …Why does love always feel like, A battlefield? A battlefield? A battlefield ?…

Naruto came out of nowhere, his face right in front of mine. In the darkness there was no one else. Just us, just the two of us and the feeling. The feeling that pulsed with the beats of my hearts, that shook my very soul and trembled from my fingertips to my toes. …Why does love always feel like, A battlefield? A battlefield? A battlefield?…

Sakura’s voice was strict now, sharp like she was angry, like she was yelling but it was far away. She was too far away. It was just us, just me and Naruto, the armies had dissolved into darkness and there was nobody but the two of us. …I guess you better go and get your armour, Get your armour, Get your armour…

I wanted him to say something, to do something but he simply stood there, looking at me with sad eyes. In the darkness I could see very little but I could see the sadness, I could see the hurt in his features. Why was he sad? What was wrong? I reached out my hand to him and was surprised when my body followed my commands. I was back in control. …I guess you better go and get your armour, Get your armour, Get your armour…

“Please” he said. “Please don’t, Sasuke.” I saw the tears on his soft tan cheeks and trembled - what was wrong with him? “Please…” he said but his voice was lowered in defeat. “I can’t,” he said, “I’m sorry.” What was he talking about? …I guess you better go and get your…

I tried to pull back, to move away and give him space but my body wouldn’t obey, my hand continued moving towards him. I didn’t like this - the feeling grew stronger, warning me but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breath. Don’t. Don’t! Stop! I tried to tell myself but I couldn’t - I wouldn’t move. And then the world dissolved, bubbled like it was melting and poured light into my eyes. I awoke.

With my heard beating like a drum in my ears and the thrill of the feeling searing through my insides I took a moment to realise that I was in fact screaming and that the only reason I wasn’t thrashing around the bed was because I was being held.

Naruto was whispering something in my ear but I couldn’t hear him for my own noise. I tried to collect myself but the fear and raw emotion eating through me made thinking very difficult. I clung to him and shook while my nerves settled. I must have looked pretty bad, I realised when I saw the look on Naruto’s face - my face was wet with what I could only expect to be tears and my body was trembling in his arms. I felt pathetic.

I pushed him away from me as soon as I felt ready to move without falling over and headed straight for the bathroom. Naruto followed me. I didn’t say anything, mostly because I didn’t trust my voice to be steady. I was wearing very little as it was, the dressing down half falling off of me was the only thing keeping me from his sight, so I didn’t think twice about taking it off and stepping quickly into the shower. I felt dirty and uncomfortable and pathetic. Naruto didn’t say anything, but he stayed in the room with me.

I knew he must have been curious as to what my dreams were about - to make someone like me fall to pieces this way - but I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t know myself what the dream was about, except that it was nearing it’s end. I was eager to know at the same time as I was terrified; the end meant I would be free but at the same time I knew it meant I’d have to face this feeling I had, I would have to confront it instead of pushing it away. I knew that, but the thought made me…scared.

Emotion was not something I was comfortable with, let alone a foreign emotion I’d never experienced before. I wanted it to go away but at this stage I was sure that was never going to happen - all I could do was put up with it and hope for the best. It was easier to handle nowadays anyway. The only time it really had any negative effect was in this dream. I couldn’t understand it and to be honest I didn’t want to.

Naruto said nothing as I finished my shower and returned to bed. It was not until I had finished changing the sheets and lay down that he approached my with words.

“Can I sleep with you?” It was not what I’d expected and it was not what I’d wanted to hear, but after he’d said it I was glad he had. I rolled away from him and closed my eyes, knowing as the bed dipped when he got in beside me that he’d realised my answer.

This time when I slept, I slept silently.

　 …

I’m back ^.^ I was going to put in an authors note explaining that I wouldn’t be updating in a while but I didn’t because I wouldn’t want to get your hopes up for a new chapter and then for you just to see an authors note. I hate it when that happens in stories I’m reading so I didn’t want to do that in mine -.-

But I’m back now. I had a few problems in my family that have been ongoing for a while but have come to an end just recently. I’m also finished school so I expect to be updating a lot more now that I have the time. I hope you guys understand and haven’t given up on me already =(

Also, would anybody want to be my beta reader? I’d just like someone I could get a second opinion from…someone who’ll tell me honestly if I’m going wrong anywhere…so any offers? Because I’m half ways through a story it’s harder to find one. If you think I should just finish this one and then look for a beta then let me know as well, any advice would be nice, thanks C=

Xx..xX