Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Shichinin no Sakura: Seven of Team Seven ❯ Hello, Reality? CHECK PLEASE!!! ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

"Hurry up in there, will ya!" Xellos yelled through the door, shuffling uncomfortably in that way people do when natures' call is put on hold.
There was a flushing sound, and a few moments later, Death came out, still tugging her black jeans straight. "Your turn." the Endless said, and the Mazoku rushed past, slamming the door behind him. From inside came the sound of a relieved sigh. Even immortals need to pee. Well, except Toltiir, who had turned himself into a houseplant for the moment.
"Oh, good, you're back." the fourth person said. "Uh, D? Your fly's still open."
Blushing, the anthropomorphic personification turned around and zipped herself back up as the god-turned-houseplant behind her shook with mirth. "You didn't have to say it out loud, you know."
"Would you rather have found out when you sat down, your crotch had opened, and everyone had had a good look at your lacy black panties?"
Death's blush grew worse. "When you put it that way, thanks Shadow."
"Alright!" Xellos said, hiking up his own clothes and sitting down. "Let's get this show on the road!"
"Uh, X? Your fly's open."

Shich inin no Sakura: Seven of Team Seven
by Shadow Crystal Mage

Persona 2: Hello, Reality? CHECK PLEASE!!!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto, other people do. Neither do I own Norse mythology, Evangelion, Slayers, Love Hina, Shichinin no Nana: Seven of Seven, Ranma ½, Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars, Ah! My Goddess!, or the Endless. I did, however, make this story, though not for monetary purposes. Please don’t sue me, I don't have any money as it is.

The Sakura was wearing a wide, almost lecherous grin. "Always wanted to do that. Nice ass Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei."
Naruto's jaw dropped. Sasuke, still trying to reconcile to the fact that he had just been groped, also felt his jaw drop. Kakashi's visible eye was as wide as it would go.
"Could you keep it down?" a voice said. "I'm trying to sleep."
They all turned to look at another one of the Sakura incarnations, who was looking at them with sleepy, half-lidded eyes.
The Sakura the guys had been talking to was opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish. "What the heck is going on here?" she finally managed to croak out.
The sleepy Sakura's eyes widened slightly. "Humph. That's interesting."
And so saying, she closed her eyes, wrapped her blanket around herself, and promptly went back to sleep.
The Sakura who had groped Sasuke and Kakashi looked behind the guys and came face to face with her doppelganger, who had just taken in the room, pinched herself several times to wake herself up, and was now flipping out. "Woah! You look just like me." the groper said, surprised. Her expression was quickly replaced by a lecherous grin. "Wanna make out?"
Keeping an eye on her, the guys slowly backed away and inched towards the door.
"Wait!" the first Sakura said, noticing they were trying to make a break for it. "You're not going to leave me alone with this weirdo, are you?"
At this, the guys bolted for the door. Naruto got there first, but was trampled by the more panicked Sasuke and Kakashi. Still, he managed to crawl out and close the door behind him. Outside, the (conscious) Sakuras could hear the door being barricaded by heavy objects.
"They left me..." the Sakura managed to whimper once the shock had passed. Then she was rudely reminded of the situation at hand.
"So..." the Sakura in the other bed said, leaning forward and causing the other to shrink back. "Guess it's just you and me." Looking the other up and down, in a manner that made the other feel she was being mentally undressed (which she was), she leaned closer. "Wearing any underwear?"
The other Sakura snapped. "NURSE!!!"
Unbeknownst to the other two, the Sakura in the corner bed watched them, her face devoid of expression, observing everything in the room.
Hmm, she thought, feigning sleep. Interesting....

"That was weird." Naruto said once they had reached lobby. He was so weirded out, he was letting Sasuke and Kakashi trampling him pass.
"Weird? That," Sasuke said, looking at him levelly, "was a perfect 100 on my 'Weird-Shit-O-Meter'."
Kakashi nodded grimly. "The words for this situation read: 'WHAT THE FUCK!?!'"
Naruto snorted. "It wasn't that bad."
"You didn't get your ass touched." Sasuke and Kakashi said in stereo.
Naruto scowled at them. "You say that like it's a good thing."

"Desi re helped you with this, didn't it?" Death said to Shadow, who smirked.
"It said it had some fun ideas. I didn't know it would be this fun!" he crowed.
"Men!" Death snorted.

"What do you mean they're being released?" Kakashi asked the nurse. "Shouldn't they still be under observation?"
It was two days later, and Kakashi and the boys were back in the hospital, talking to the head nurse, who was looking slightly harried. "Ah, no." she said, "They're all perfectly healthy, so we're releasing them today. Right now, in fact."
Sasuke's mother hadn't raised an idiot, however. He smelled a rat. "Why are you so anxious to get rid of the Sakuras?"
At that moment, Sakura- one of them, anyway- ran past, a large bag full of men and women’s underwear slung over her shoulder and shouting "What a haul! What a haul!", followed by a large hoard of nurses, doctors, various male and female shinobi throwing kunai and shuriken, and three of the other Sakuras, all shouting for their underwear back. They all rounded a corner and disappeared.
The nurse sighed in exasperation. "That's why! Obviously, they've all recovered- this has been happening every couple of hours since they regained consciousness. Under the circumstances, we see no reason to keep them and a very pressing reason to get rid of them. Unless you see otherwise? In which case,YOU'RE NEVER USING THIS HOSPITAL AGAIN!!!"
As the three guys stepped back in surprise at the unexpected shout, the sounds a beating in progress wafted from around the corner. After a little while, people started coming around the corner, surreptitiously stuffing bras, panties, briefs and boxers as discretely as possible into pockets. Bringing up the rear were the three Sakuras, dragging the fourth, who was sporting various bumps and bruises and whose eyes had gone swirly, behind them. The nurse, seeing an opportunity, bid a hasty retreat.
"Grrr, isn't this pervert ever going to learn!?!" With that, the Sakura dragging the unconscious Sakura dropped the leg she was holding and was about to start kicking her when one of the other Sakuras pulled her back, causing her kicks to miss. "Let me go, darn it!"
"You want to injure her so bad she has to stay here longer? Because if you do that, the hospital will never let us in again!" the one holding her said.
"ARGH!" the Sakura she was restraining cried, swiped at the unconscious pervert one last time, and pulled herself roughly from the one holding her. "Hentai no baka!!!"
The last Sakura shook her head in amusement and exasperation, and the guys felt their breaths catch in their throats. There was nothing outstandingly different about her, but somehow, her hair seemed fluffier, her breasts fuller and bouncier, her movements smoother and sexier, immediately drawing attention to her chest and hips. She practically radiated sex appeal at a tangible level. The fact she was still holding panties, absently rubbing it between her fingers, twirling them around, and making no move to hide them, only made things worse.
As the Sakura turned to look at them and smiled, various thoughts flitted through the guys' heads.
Kakashi: Oh wow she's hot! Oh wow oh wow oh wow uuhhhhhhh...... Man I'm horny, oh man oh...- WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING!?! SHE'S MY STUDENT!!! And she's a minor, and I'm a grown man, and no matter how big my porn collection is, I'm not that kind of pervert and- Oh, Kami, she is so HOT!!!!!
Sasuke: Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA!!! I hope she asks me out so I can- WHAT THE HECK AM I THINKING!?! Bad for image, bad for image, bad for image!!! Oh, Kami, I WANT HER!!!
Naruto: Huh? Is something different about Sakura-chan? And why do I feel so weird? Must be something I ate.
"Hey guys." the source of their reactions said. Then she turned on the charm, big time. "Hey Sasuke. Wanna go on a date sometime?" Her tone could have evaporated an ocean.
For the first time ever, Sasuke was about to say yes.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, the Sakura spoke before him. "No? Oh well." the Sakura shrugged, which did interesting things to her chest. The heat came back. "But you can't hold out forever, Sasuke-kun. One of these days, I'm going to make you say yes." She managed to slur that in the worst possible way.
As she turned away, twirling her panties around, the would-be pervert-kicker Sakura rounded on Sasuke. “Hey Sasuke! Date?” The way she said it sounded more like a challenge than an invitation.
The one who had held the kicker back rolled her eyes. “Give him some room, will ya.” she said, pulling the kicker away from the about-to-lose-it avenger. “Hey guys. Nice of you to stop by. Hey Sasuke.”
Silence. The wind blew. Leaves rustled. Crickets chirped.
The kicker Sakura turned to the one who held her back. “Aren’t you going to ask him out on a date?” she asked.
The one she asked shrugged. “Nah. He always says no.”
More silence.
She didn’t ask him out, thought Kakashi. It’s a sign! The end of the world is nigh! And me still a virgin! No! It can’t end like this!
Naruto, who was getting uncomfortable with all the silences and being a true loudmouth, said the first thing that came to mind. “Hey, Sakura, shouldn’t you put that thing away?”
He gestured in the general direction of the still-out-in-the-open panties.
The Sakura considered. “Nah. Sasuke can have it.”
So saying, she tossed it casually in Uchiha’s direction. Sasuke, surprised, caught it.

Aroun d the corner, unknown to the others, another of the Sakuras watched, eyes narrowed, observing the byplay between the other Sakuras and team seven.
"Interesting," she said, and walked away, her mind processing what she had seen and heard. "We all have different personalities. Markedly different. But one of us retains the same personality of the original Sakura. Or is it that she is the original Sakura and we are the clones? Interesting…”
Not caring about the looks people were giving her for talking to herself- that and they were afraid she was the perverted Sakura- she continued processing the information. “How could this have happened? Obviously, that crystal we found has something to do with it, but what? And by what mechanism? How long will it last? Would the six of us just cease to exist?”
“All thing cease to exist. Only in dreams and story do mortals live forever as gods.” a voice said.
Sakura spun around, three shuriken held in a fan shape in her left hand, as she dropped into a taijutsu stance. “Who are you?” she demanded.
The figure in front of her was tall and thin, clothed all in white and wearing a large emerald on a chain around his neck. He was dressed as a shinobi, although no shinobi in their right of mind would wear that much white. Sakura barely kept herself from reacting when she saw that, where his eyes should be, there were only pools of pure darkness, blacker than space, in stark contrast to his alabaster complexion. The figure smiled.
“That is the question your sisters should be asking themselves, child. You already know the answer.”
Sakura’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“The crystal is a magical item of no useful purpose. When exposed to the light of the full moon, it divides its wearer into seven distinct beings, all retaining the same memories. One retains the personality of the wearer and is essentially the original. The other six, yourself among them, have radically different but fairly simplistic personalities. Never the less, you are all real. None of you is a pale shadow of the others.”
“Who are you?” Sakura repeated.
“The magic of the pendant is permanent, but for you or your sisters, it will never work again. You will not fade. For you to end, you must die.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Sakura asked, shifting slightly. The strange, pale shinobi smiled, not seeming to care.
“For your peace of mind. Troubled minds lead to troubled dreams. Besides, you are the only one who cares to know. Your sisters certainly don’t, accepting it as part of the insanity of their lives.”
Got that right, she thought.
The shinobi turned to leave.
“Who are you?” Sakura asked one last time.
The white shinobi turned back. “Once, my name was Daniel. I am the King of Dreams.”
Sakura was alone in the hallway.
She straightened. “That was surreal.” she said succinctly.

"Than ks for doing the explaining, little brother." Death said, patting Dream on the shoulder.
The Prince Of Nightmares smiled. "And you'll keep your end of the bargain?"
Shadow nodded. "Regular updates of 'Shichinin no Sakura: Seven of Team Seven' on fanfiction.net."
"Excellent."
Who knew the guy was such a fanfiction-natic.

The nurses all tensed as a Sakura walked up to the nurses station. Hands reached for kunai and shuriken shinobi friends had lent them. The Sakura raised her hands in a gesture of peace.
"It's okay! I'm not the pervert." The nurses relaxed slightly.
"Sorry," one nurse said, putting away an exploding tag. "Can't be too careful with that hentai on the loose."
"Don't worry, we knocked her unconscious." the Sakura said, laying her hands on the desk where the nurses could see them. After a few 'misunderstandings', the nurses and non-pervert Sakuras had developed a few unwritten protocols. "I wanted to apologize for what she's been putting you through. And to thank you for taking care of us."
The nurses smiled. It wasn't often they were appreciated.
The Sakura was relieved. Maybe this will keep them from banning us, thought the Sakura. Sometimes, she wondered if she was the only one in the group- of Sakuras, of course- who was normal. One was a total pervert, another was absolutely useless because she was so lazy and still another kept giving people those weird looks and talking to herself under her breath. Then there was the one who was so rude, being aggressive and resorting to violence over the smallest thing, not to mention the one who kept giving people- men and women- arousal nosebleeds and whose attitude practically screamed 'sex kitten waiting to happen'. And of course, there was that Sakura who had at first seemed like she was always on the verge of a nervous breakdown, although she had since gotten better.
Idly, she thought how attractive the nurses all looked in their form fitting uniforms. Especially that chesty blond next to the filing cabinet. Though that green-haired nurse was cute too, in an ‘innocent-girl-next-door’ sort of way. And that brunette drinking coffee sort of remind her of Sasuke, the way they both had that ‘strong, silent’ type thing going on, with hints of suppressed sexuality....
Abruptly, she noticed that a nurse was handing her a sheaf of papers. Their release papers, she realized. “Sorry,” she said, taking the papers and starting to sign where necessary. “I was worrying about how we were going to get the pervert out without causing a scene.” What was I thinking back there? It felt so right… and natural. And kind of hot....
Realizing she had spaced out again, she handed the papers back to the nurse. “Sorry,” she said, tapping her head. “Still worrying.”
The nurse tapped her lips thoughtfully. “I think we can help with that…”

“I wonder how long before she realizes she’s gay?” Xellos said.
“I’m betting inside an episode.” Toltiir answered.
“Men!” Death snorted, amused this time.
Shadow just smiled.

̶ 0;Thanks for the straightjacket!” the Sakura yelled to the nurses as they walked away from the hospital. “We’ll bring it back!”
The pervert was tied up in said straightjacket, being pulled unceremoniously by the one who had tried to kick her repeatedly. Sasuke and Kakashi kept their distance, making sure to stay out of groping range.
“You know,” the pervert said, moving her arms experimentally in their restraints, “this is actually turning me on. Anyone wanna make out?”
The team seven guys and the Sakura who acted like the original moved farther away from the perv. The one keeping her moving made a face in disgust and shoved her a bit more roughly than necessary. The one who liked to go to sleep said nothing, too lazy to speak. The one Sasuke nearly said yes to looked at her appraisingly and shook her head, laughing huskily. The one who liked to observe people without their knowledge just gave the pervert a level stare. And the one who hadn’t asked Sasuke out on a date…
That Sakura felt herself growing hot under the collar, as she tried to keep herself from blushing, but thoughts of those nurses in their sexy uniforms and the perverts’ statement mixed explosively in her head. Against her will, she found herself growing slightly pink.
Only one person noticed, however. The observant Sakura noted the reaction and internally raised an eyebrow. After a few moments of thought, she had reached a half-baked conclusion.
Hmm, she thought, interesting. So that’s her personality…
For the first time since she was born, she felt her lips twitch for a moment, forming into a small smile. Then, it was gone.

Somew here in the cosmos, four cosmic jokers laughed their heads off…

A/N: Okay, to prevent misidentification and confusion, here are the Sakuras as they appear in this story:
1) Normal (so to speak), garden variety, original flavor Sakura. You know, the Sasuke- and bishounen-crazy kunoichi we all know and either love or hate.
2) Hentai/Ecchi/Perverted Sakura, a bisexual, nymphomanic, incestuous pervert. Think of the worst possible cross between Ranma 1/2's Happosai and Urusei Yatsura's Ataru Moroboshi, mixed with princess Fatora and Alele of El Hazard, with absolutely no inhibitions (Well, maybe not absolutely no, but close enough that no one can tell the difference). On my top three personal favorites list. Will grope, fondle and steal the underwear of any hot thing (male or female, doesn't matter) with a pulse, even the other Sakuras. And then some...
Also, in the fashion of all perverts, recovers very quickly from injuries received in the line of perversion.
3) Lazy Sakura. Just wants to eat and sleep, but otherwise, perfectly functional. Always needs to be urged to move and will stop at the first opportunity.
4) Genius Sakura. If canon Sakura is the already the smartest girl in her class, just think how smart she needs to be to become called a genius compared to the original! She's super smart, hyper analytical, with a perfect memory. Think Ami Mizuno of Sailor Moon, crossed with Hermione, with Sasuke's attitude, Rock Lee's stubbornness and determination to learn, and Rei Ayanami (of Evangelion) and Raven's (of Teen Titans) emotionless-ness (or at least, total self control).
5) Marine, tough cookie Sakura. Think PPG's Buttercup meets the green-cloaked hyper-marine version of Raven from Teen Titans (you know, from the pseudo-Trigon episode?) and a touch of Ranma 1/2's Akane Tendo so she has a short fuse. Then, throw in essence of 'Naru Narusegawa' for super strength. She's not mean, just tough and impatient.
6) Lesbian Sakura! pulls out victory fans and starts dancing, victorious music playing in the background Yay!!! I can't believe it!!! My very own lesbian character!!! I'm going to love you, and shower you with money, and call you Sakura-yuri and find you a nice wife!!!! I'm going to be the perfect lesbians' dad!!! gush No girl will be perfect enough for my little girl. They must all go through the test of the gold, silver and platinum caskets!!! On top of my top three favorites list!!!
Seriously, behavior-wise she's just like canon Sakura, except she's a lesbian ( gush No, must stay in control of myself!!!), so her bishounen interests have been replaced by bishoujo interests. She still probably like likes Sasuke, but it will never come to pass because she likes girls ( gush No!!! Control!!!). Might wish that Sasuke was a girl (Hmm, what would Sasuke look like as a girl... eyes bucket of nyannichuan. Sasuke notices and starts to sweat NAH!!! Sasuke is a pathetic weakling who'll never be good enough for my daughter!!! Sasuke is relieved, but growls Sasuke: who are you calling a pathetic weak- Naruto and Kakashi quickly tackle Sasuke and shut him up Chorus: QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD, YOU IDIOT!!!).
7) Finally, Sexy Sakura!!! Last but definitely not least on my top three list. Oozes sex appeal from every pore and knows it. Think Urd of Ah! My Goddess. Very few sexual inhibitions and bi-willing so long as the other girl is good-looking and S-Sakura is in the mood (Hmm, is putting her in the same story as a lesbian clone and a bisexual, nymphomanic, incestuous pervert clone really such a good idea? think think think HECK YEAH!!!! evil laughs ). Very risqué and daring, not afraid to be demonstrative in pubic, I mean, public.
WATCH OUT SASUKE!!! yells at the SasuNaru-ists HEY!!! YOU PEOPLE OVER THERE!!! THE PLAYING FIELD HAS BEEN LEVELED!!! NOW SAKURA-ISTS HAVE A FIGHTING CHANCE!!! SASUKE WILL PRACTICALLY BEG TO BE WITH THIS ONE!!! HECK, SO WILL NARUTO, KAKASHI AND EVERY GUY AND MOST GIRLS IN KONOHA!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hack hack cough cough Ugh, I need to have this cough seen to. It's ruining my evil laugh.
And sorry if Sakura-yuri’s scene if sort of half-baked, but give me a break, she’s my first lesbian ( gush NO!!! CONTROL!!!)
Oh, yeah, finally, a warning. Due to the nature of those in my top three favorites list, future episodes might contain instances of clone incest, that is, clones doing clones, but only to the extent allowed by the rules of FF.net. If so, step back, relax, and remember this a work of utter fantasy. If you are likely to be offended, I have given you fair warning to stop following this story. No flames from you people, you can just stop reading whenever you want. Although if I do get flames, it's gratifying to know people are still reading this even if it offends them. I must be a dang good writer : p
What else? The characterizations are way off? Sorry, but that's the impression they left me with after watching the movie (special?) involving the snow country(?) princess incident. If you want to send tidbits about the series, character profiles, gear names, etc (you get the idea), it would be very much appreciated.
If you're still complaining, then I have no choice but to send one of my Sakuras to slap or seduce you into submission (except for Sakura-yuri; she stays at home with me).
Please review, C&C welcome. Even flames are welcome, that means someone is reading this thing.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.

Trivia: still mostly written on a Palm Pilot. I'm still single, no surprise.

(I am so pathetic!!!!!!!!!!!)