Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Shinnen ❯ Shinchou ( Chapter 2 )

“You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself.” Beryl Markham Chapter 2: Shinchou

Iruka trudged down the dark street, Naruto asleep on his back and Kakashi drifting at his side. They had long since passed from the run down streets and back into the respectable part of town. After rescuing Naruto from the hooker (Iruka pointedly ignoring the smirk on Kakashi’s face), they had decided that all involved had had quite enough fun for the day. It was mutually decided to call it a night. And so there they were, walking down the street side by side. Iruka said nothing and Kakashi made no attempts to strike up a conversation. The silence was marginally comfortable, or at least it was to Iruka. Iruka often found it hard to read the fellow instructor. He wished, for more than the first time that day, that he could reach up with his hands and gently pull the mask away, gaze at the face underneath. Iruka’s fingers twitched in spite of themselves and he silently berated himself for his lack of self-control. He snuck a glance at his silent companion and was considerably startled to find him gazing back at him.

“It’s been a long night.” Kakashi remarked. He yawned, as if emphasizing his point.

Iruka was forced to agree. The night certainly hadn’t been like anything he had expected to happen when he invited Team 7 and their instructor out for some ramen. He had only expected Naruto to show, but it had been a pleasant surprise to have Kakashi show up, albeit a bit late, as per usual. A confrontation between himself and the Jounin instructor had been completely unexpected, but Iruka was glad it had happened. That distance between the two of them had lessened somewhat, and Iruka felt he at least had a faint idea about Kakashi, as compared to his previous total ignorance.

Only these guys, Iruka thought to himself, would make a day so spontaneous and unpredictable.

“Iruka, since we’ve already breached the subject of being a parental figure to Naruto, I figure now would be a good time to fill you in on a few things.” Kakashi said. As Iruka turned his eyes toward him, he saw Kakashi’s body shift stance, so he appeared to be guarded, uneasy. Unable to read Kakashi’s face, Iruka constantly found himself looking elsewhere for clues to Kakashi’s emotions.

Iruka, for the most part, was willing to continue their earlier conversation from Ero Paradise. It was, so far, the only time Iruka and Kakashi had talked with each other for such length, and with such honestly. He had caught a glimpse of a serious Kakashi, a Kakashi that aroused his curiosity. He greatly desired to speak with that Kakashi once more. He was getting tired though, he could feel his eyelids protesting at being kept open, and he was beginning to get a headache. He had to shake himself mentally to prepare himself for what he figured to be an engaging conversation.

“What kind of things?” Iruka inquired. He shifted Naruto’s weight on his back. He’s getting older, and heavier, Iruka thought distantly.

“The Wave Country.” Kakashi began. “You knew about our mission there, correct?”

Iruka wracked his tired brain for a moment, before remembering.  “Escorting someone, wasn’t it?”

Kakashi’s head bobbed up and down in assent. “An old man named Tazuna. I’m sure you remember him.”

A mental picture of the old man appeared in Iruka’s head. He had a perfect image of the bridge builder leaning against the doorframe, a bottle of alcohol dangling from his hand, not asking but demanding an escort, the words emerging from his mouth slurred, yet forceful. Iruka smiled faintly. “Yes, I remember him.”

“He was a builder from the Wave Country, attempting to construct a bridge between his home town and the neighboring island. The mission was originally to escort him safely back to his country and protect him from thieves and brigands. Sounded simple enough, definitely something Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura could handle, and it was something more exciting and dangerous than the boring missions they had been handed.” he said, and then paused.

“However, assassins were sent after Tazuna. They were fortunately low-level, and Sasuke dealt with them, admirably I might add. After having a talk with Tazuna I discovered he had lied to us about the difficulty of the mission in order to decrease the amount of money he would have to pay.”

Iruka frowned. “That happens more often than we’d like.” Iruka always found himself annoyed and frustrated when he received the mission reports from people who were given easy assignments, yet returned with a few extra scars because customers didn’t want to pay more money.

“Who was hiring the assassins?” he asked.

“I’m not sure you’ve heard of him. His name was Gato.”

Iruka shifted. “The Gato? Of course I know about him. I’m not an idiot, you know. Supposedly the ‘richest man in the world’. He appears to be an honest businessman on the surface, but underneath he is responsible for a great deal of the drugs and contraband being exported from the Mist Country.  He’s been quite busy lately, securing his place in the Water Country.”

Kakashi laughed, one hand scratching the back of his head. “Yes, I should have known you’d know. Sorry. Didn’t mean to make it sound like I thought you were ignorant.”

“Forget it. I wasn’t the Chuunin assigned to reading your mission report, so there was no reason for you to think I did know. You were saying?”

Kakashi smiled to himself at the sometimes almost painfully polite Iruka, but the smile vanished as quick as it had come, and he continued. “Along the way, we encountered a shinobi named Zabuza.”

Iruka heard himself gasp. “The Devil of the Hidden Mist?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Kakashi nodded. “You’ve heard of him. The missing-nin who attempted a coup ‘de tat of the Mist Country and failed in an assassination attempt of the Mizukage.”

“He’s in the Bingo Book.”

“Then you know that he is– was— almost on the same level as myself.

“But that wasn’t what was really important. What was important was the fact that he had a young boy with him, a shinobi named Haku.”

Iruka mulled the name over in his mind, but didn’t recognize it. “I’ve never head of him. What’s his surname?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that Haku, a native to the Mist Country, possessed an Advanced Bloodline.”

Iruka shifted. “There were several families in the Mist Country with an Advanced Bloodline. They were mostly eradicated by the people after several bloody civil wars.”

Kakashi nodded. “Like all those with an Advanced Bloodline, he was feared and hated, regarded as one who causes war and death.” Here Kakashi took a deep, silent breath. His words betrayed nothing of his emotions.

“He was powerful, someone that could have easily surpassed me in time. I feared that perhaps he was too powerful, that maybe I couldn’t protect everyone because I wasn’t strong enough to fight them both at the same time.” Kakashi’s voice suddenly became hard, biting. Iruka could tell the fact of his own weakness bothered Kakashi. “So I took on Zabuza, and Haku fought with Sasuke and Naruto. Sakura protected Tazuna.”

Iruka remained silent. He could still feel Naruto asleep on his back, his chest rising and falling evenly, his faint breath brushing up against his cheek.

Kakashi continued speaking, his voice evening out into a deep monotone. As he spoke, his sentences were clipped, fact-like, distant. His eyes, which earlier had been fixed on Iruka, now stared straight ahead into the distance, staring but not seeing. His hands were tucked away in his pockets.

“Iruka… during the fight, Sasuke was severally injured. Almost dead. Naruto believed he was, at any rate, and fought with Haku on his own. Haku… Haku fought for his precious person, for Zabuza. I’m sure you realize what a driving power that is.”

Iruka nodded, but Kakashi couldn’t see it.

“I didn’t watch the fight. I was too busy dealing with Zabuza. But I could hear it, clear as day, every word they spoke to one another. I wanted to tell you, Iruka, what that fight meant to Naruto. And I’m not telling you because you need to know, but because I want you to know. And I want you to know that Haku was dangerous for Naruto, in the fact that they were alike. Haku, a beautiful, brilliant young man, fighting with all his heart and sole for the one man among all the others who took him in, cared for him, made him into someone. But Zabuza was a twisted man, and used Haku’s love to turn him into a tool, a blade for Zabuza to use when needed, and when it was broken he could cast it away. Haku realized this, spoke of his experience to Naruto, and told him what it meant to be a shinobi, something Naruto had not yet realized.”

Kakashi spoke a practiced line, what Iruka instantly recognized as Shinobi Saying #25. He had taught it to every child that passed through his classroom door. “No matter what happens, a true shinobi must never, ever show their emotions. The mission is the only priority. Carry that in your heart. And never, never shed a tear.

“Naruto finally realized what it was to become a shinobi. We are merely tools. You either use, or be used. Your friends die around you, you kill because you are told to. It is a harsh life. Naruto didn’t get it then, but when he met Haku, he finally understood. Haku told him ‘when you fight for your precious person, that is when you become truly strong.’ Holding Sasuke’s body, that’s when Naruto realized what a shinobi is.

“In a rage, under the influence of a depth of emotion he was unfamiliar with controlling, Naruto began to draw on the power of the demon fox sealed within himself.”

Iruka could feel his entire body go rigid, his eyes widen, his fists clench. The idea that Naruto not only contained the demon fox, but could use the demon fox, sent a tremor of fear and loathing through him. Naruto stirred on his back, and despite himself Iruka shied away. He actually used the Kyuubi’s chakra, Iruka thought to himself, and could scarcely believe it.

Kakashi, unaware of Iruka’s inner battle, continued. “Haku begged for death from Naruto. Haku existed for the sole purpose of being Zabuza’s tool. Zabuza was the one person in all the world who acknowledged Haku as a person.  But when Haku was faced with the demon’s power within Naruto, he knew he couldn’t win. He begged for death, he knew that without victory, he lost Zabuza, and without Zabuza he was nothing. And because of the death of Sasuke, Naruto was willing to grant Haku that death. They connected, Naruto and Haku. They were so similar. Both escaped from the hell called loneliness. Both had a precious person close to their heart. They were both powerful, both shinobi. They were both hated and feared for something they could not control.”

Here, Kakashi’s voice grew quiet. “Haku ended up dying by my hands. He put himself between Zabuza and me. He died, because he believed that Zabuza would have no use for a weak shinobi. And if Zabuza no longer needed him, his sole reason for existing would disappear as if it never were.”

Kakashi, his face black and emotionless, faced Iruka and stared deep into his eyes. Iruka was so captured that he found he couldn’t even blink, couldn’t open his mouth to speak. They were the eyes of a person who had seen this a thousand times before, the eyes of a tired hardened man. But to Iruka, his eyes were full of cracks, and he caught a glimpse of something underneath. And what he saw there sent a small thrill down his spine, but why, he couldn’t say.

“Iruka, I want you to realize how vitally important you are to Naruto’s existence. You are his sole driving force. Out of this entire village, only you came to him and acknowledged his existence from the bottom of your heart. You saved him from the hell called loneliness. When faced with Haku and Zabuza, he could only think of himself and you. You became his precious person. Without you, he would be dead.”

And silence fell.

Iruka turned the words over in his mind, knowing them to be, on some level, true. He bowed his head. He stared down at the ground, painfully aware of the young boy pressed against his back, blissfully unaware in sleep. Iruka felt an emotion rising in his chest, something horrible and painful. He felt his eyes burn, and as always there was that split second of horrible realization of what he was powerless to stop. I’m going to cry. And then, slowly, tears were beginning to fall down his cheeks. The emotion grew worse, the words playing again in his mind. Only you, only you.

“No.” he whispered, his voice tortured. “No, don’t say that.” He was shaking his head back and forth, once, twice. Those words… “I’m not- I shouldn’t be his precious person.” The tears began to fall faster. “Because I…” Gods, how hard it was for him to say it. He had said it countless times before in his head, in places where no one could hear. But, to say it now, and have someone know… the words emerged, whether he wanted them to or not.

“I hate Naruto.”

Beside him, he felt rather than saw Kakashi stiffen.

It was too late to turn back now. The words were coming faster. He spoke in heated rush. “I hate him sometimes, with every fiber of my being. I hate the demon sealed inside of him. I can’t even look at him without seeing the fox. And when you spoke of him using the demon’s power, I could feel myself shaking, my hatred of him rising. I’m no different from anyone else in this village.” He cut himself off, unable or unwilling, he couldn’t tell anymore.

And there, it was said. It at once horrified him and relieved him. He had felt it for the longest time, but was so ashamed by it that he could never find the words to tell anyone. He loved Naruto, of that he was certain. But sometimes he would stare into that boy’s eyes, and it seemed as if he could hear that final horrible wail of the Kyuubi, and he thought of his father’s sightless eyes. He couldn’t help but feel, staring into Naruto’s eyes, that the Kyuubi was there, laughing at him. And his hatred was immense.

A hand fell on Iruka’s shoulder, heavy yet gentle. Another hand touched his chin and tilted his head up, where his eyes met Kakashi’s face.

“Stop, Iruka. Stop torturing yourself over this.” Kakashi said, and his voice was still hard. “You love Naruto just as much as you hate him, and you know I’m right. I see it in your eyes. I know it must tear you up inside, to love and hate something as much as you must, and I realize what a strong will you must possess to be his precious person. You, of all people, would have a right to hate him. No one would begrudge you that. And yet you chose to push aside enough of the hatred in your heart to let in that young boy sleeping against your back.”

The words, simple, frank, comforting. He felt something release inside, like he was clinging desperately onto something and suddenly let it go. It took him a moment to place the feeling, but he realized it was his self-loathing. Iruka wasn’t one to hate himself and live in constant dejection. Truly, it barely weighed on his shoulders. But you don’t realize how much something weighs until you don’t have to hold it any longer.

Taking deep breaths, Iruka freed one hand and wiped away his tears, never taking his eyes off Kakashi’s face. “Then why don’t you carry him for a while?” Iruka whispered.

And just like that, Naruto’s weight changed shoulders.

Wordlessly, Kakashi moved around Iruka, gently pried Naruto off Iruka’s back, and moved him onto his own. He adjusted Naruto’s weight until it was comfortable, then beckoned Iruka to begin walking once again.

The two of them set off down the dark streets, once again a silence falling between them. It continued for a time, Iruka leading the way, Kakashi trailing at his side. The only noise was Naruto’s faint snores.

And as always, the silence between them never lasted long.

“How did you know?” Kakashi asked softly.

Iruka looked puzzled. “Know?”

“How did you know which one was me, back in Ero Paradise?” he asked again.

It seemed like forever ago. Iruka opened his mouth to reply, then snapped it shut, as if unsure of himself. He struggled to find the right words, to make it so Kakashi could understand. He had never told anyone this, so the world stumbled out of his mouth uncertainly, unclearly. That seemed to be happening to him a lot tonight.

“I could… feel it.” He said slowly.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. “Feel it?”

Iruka looked at his feet nervously. “Yes. Feel it. Not… you specifically. Those clones… they didn’t have any life in them. The way they moved, the way they spoke. There wasn’t any feeling behind their actions. They were… cold.” He said quietly. “They had no color, they were just…gray. The Kakashi I know isn’t that dull color. When I look at you, I see a deep vibrant red.” He said. Having said it, it took him a moment to realize how strange that sounded, but it was, again, too late to take the words back.

Kakashi stared wordlessly at him. Iruka bit his lip, thinking that perhaps he had said too much and half afraid Kakashi would laugh at him. But Kakashi said nothing and the two of them continued down the lonely road, Naruto still peacefully unaware as he snuggled against Kakashi’s back.

They almost stayed for more than a minute, before Kakashi spoke up once again.

“So you give people colors? Is that some sort of teaching thing?” he asked. He said it in the way of someone who didn’t really want to ask. He said it as if curiosity had gotten the better of him and he had to ask, or it would drive him nuts.

Iruka shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I don’t give people colors, I see them. But not what you’d think of as seeing. It’s more like knowing than seeing, really. When I look at a person, sometimes I’m get an impression of something, a color like blue or violet. Sometimes a mix of colors, sometimes I’ll get nothing at all. There’s really no rhyme or reason to it. It just… is.”

“I think I understand. So you actually see these colors, you don’t just think of them.”

“Again, it’s more like knowing that seeing. Do we really have to talk about this? I sound like an idiot.”

A pause.

“What, do the colors surround them, like a halo?” Kakashi asked curiously.

“You’re making fun of me.” Iruka said accusingly. “I knew you would.”

Kakashi held up a hand. “Hey wait, I wasn’t. Honest. I was just asking.”

Iruka eyed him, as if to take measure of his sincerity. Seeing nothing to object to, Iruka shrugged. “If you must know, it’s more like an inner light. It comes from the whole body, like the way they lift their arm makes me think of yellow, or when they walk I reminds me of green.” Iruka informed him.

A small bit of veiled confusion leaking into his voice, Kakashi asked, “Then is it transparent or something? Or do you just walk around seeing blue and green people?”

A humorless smile tugged the corners of Iruka’s lips. “You’re not listening. I’ve said it twice; it’s more like knowing than seeing. Except one kind of turns into the other. If I see you walking in front of me, it makes me think of the color red. And because I’m thinking of red, you look red to me, even though at the same time you don’t. And remember, this doesn’t happen all the time. Only randomly.”

There was a short pause. Then Kakashi said, “You know, that’s really weird.”

Iruka frowned. “Yeah, almost as weird as eyes that can see out the back of your head. Or bodies that act as a house for bugs. Or men who can turn into dogs. Or eyes that change to red and spin. Or a young boy with a demon sealed in his navel.”

Kakashi raised a hand apologetically. “Valid point. In fact, you’re rather normal, all things considered.”

Iruka grinned. “Why thank you Kakashi, that’s so kind of you to say. I’m glad you don’t think I’m a freak.”

Kakashi bowed.

“What color is Naruto?” he inquired.

Iruka laughed softly and Kakashi shifted Naruto’s weight. “Orange. An incredibly vibrant orange. Sometime I see threads of red. I almost thought it was black at first, but it’s a dark dark red.” He stated. Kakashi glanced back at Naruto, calling to mind his orange jacket and pants, and thought of his bright outgoing personality.

“I would never have guessed.” He murmured. Iruka grinned at him.

“Naruto’s was obvious. It’s easier to tell with some people.” Kakashi glanced at him.

“Was I easy?”

Iruka slowed to a halt and turned to fully face Kakashi. He gazed into his eye, as if judging him, searching him. Kakashi merely gazed back, expressionless.

“…No, you were difficult. It’s really just how my mind works. It’s how I connect to people. I associate them with things. Not consciously, but just as something natural to me. When I look at Naruto, my mind automatically associated him with the color orange. And to me, that color means energy, vivacity, joy. And sometimes I’ll look at him and he’ll strike me as something different, like deep red. It’s just the natural way my mind connects to people. You though… your color is different than what I normally associate with someone. It’s a deep red, but there is something in it. Something underneath it.” Iruka’s eyes flicked to Kakashi’s hair. “Not quite white, but not purely gray either. The color of your hair. It’s as if… the red isn’t your color. It feels…” Iruka hesitated. “It feels as if you stole it, and you’re trying to hide behind it.”

Kakashi kept his face expressionless, but on the inside his mind was racing. Iruka possessed some talent he had never seen before. He had seen past Kakashi, past the Sharingan. Kakashi began to get curious.

“Is that all you associate? Colors? Or do you get feelings as well? I though I heard you say something about intentions.” he asked.

Iruka turned away and began walking again, Kakashi falling in step beside him. He smiled.

“Looks like you were paying attention after all. Yes, not only color. Feelings sometimes… or rather, intentions, as I said earlier.”

Kakashi’s thoughts drowned everything else out as his mind raced. Initially, he wished he had never asked Iruka how he saw through those clones in Ero Paradise. Because now that he knew how Iruka had known, knew that Iruka had his own unique jutsu, he couldn’t just let that information go. The cruel side of himself, the calculating side, realized the benefits of having such a gift, in light of recent events within the village and the neighboring countries. Especially considering the unique information that Hokage-sama had recently imparted to Kakashi. He also had many friends within the ANBU ranks, so information concerning military matters was very open to him. Relations between the Hidden Leaf and the Hidden Sand were quickly crumbling, and because of the information concerning Orochimaru sightings within the Leaf Country, to have someone who could automatically know…

“Kakashi?” Iruka asked uncertainly. “Are you alright? You didn’t answer me.”

Kakashi reached up and put his hand on Iruka’s shoulder.

“Iruka, I want you to come with me and see Hokage-sama tomorrow.” Kakashi told him, staring at him intently.

“Don’t you have to teach Team 7 tomorrow?” Iruka asked, feeling that the question had been rather sudden. For some reason, staring at Kakashi and his rigid stance, he felt uneasy. “And why do we need to go see Hokage-sama? I don’t understand.”

Kakashi disregarded Iruka’s confusion with a wave of his hand. “You may not know it, but I think this is more important than teaching them. More important than anything right now, especially now. Besides, they’re bored with the missions given to them anyway. They can stand one day away from work.” Here, Kakashi’s voice grew more serious. “There are some things you don’t know Iruka, just as there are things you might be able to help with that no one else can. Isn’t it worth finding out?”

Iruka shook his head, beginning to understand intuitively what Kakashi might want from him. “I don’t think you understand. It’s not going to be useful because I have no control over it. I might know just as much as I might not know. I’ve never even told anyone about it because it’s so pointless.”

Kakashi shrugged. “Then I guess we’ll have to work on making it better.” He stated, and from his tone of voice Iruka realized that once Kakashi decided, there was nothing he could do about it.

And why not? he thought. Why not see if I can be useful?

Iruka fell silent and Kakashi didn’t continue the conversation. Iruka was inwardly surprised that Kakashi asked him something like that so suddenly. He had caught a look in Kakashi’s eye, briefly, something cold and hard, sad perhaps. But, somehow, that seemed just like him, and any doubts were pushed to the back of his mind. Naruto’s house appeared in the distance and Kakashi pointed it out.

“There’s Naruto’s house. Are you going to drop him off there?”

Iruka found himself blushing slightly, even though he was grateful for the change in conversation. “I was going to bring him to my house.” He said. “It’s been a while since I’ve had company.” He admitted, embarrassed.

“Are you lonely?”

Iruka glanced at him in surprise. “Sometimes, yes. But most of the time, no. I’m used to be alone.”

“Because of the demon fox.” Kakashi said quietly.

Hearing that, Iruka was suddenly painfully aware of how close Naruto was to him. His stomach was pressed up against his back, the naval where the demon fox was sealed keeping a constant pressure. In spite of himself, he found himself thinking of the demon fox. What separated him from that monster, that murderer? A few inches of flesh and fabric… “Yes, because of the demon fox.” He whispered.

Kakashi nodded. Why did he bring that up again? Iruka wondered.

“Where’s your house, Iruka?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka narrowed his eyes at this change in topic, but answered. “A couple blocks down, a few streets over.”

“Alright.” He said.

Iruka glanced at him curiously, realizing that he hadn’t the faintest clue where Kakashi lived.

“I live around here, just like you.” He said suddenly, answering Iruka’s unasked question.

“How did you--” he began.

Kakashi waved it off. “People are always curious to see where I live. They seem to think I don’t have a place to live, though what prompts that ridiculous thought, I have yet to figure out.”

Iruka laughed. “I’ll admit, that’s what I found myself thinking. No offense intended… but I always figured you lived in a tree somewhere, filled with perverted books that you read all day.”

“A tree?” He asked mildly.

Iruka laughed harder. “Yes, a tree.” He teased. “Naruto says you always look right at home in them, so naturally I assumed…”

Kakashi put on a suffering expression. “I’m so misunderstood.” He pouted.

Iruka draped an arm around Kakashi’s shoulders.

“There, there. I’m sure people have you figured out all wrong.” He sniggered.

Kakashi’s one eye began to water. “It’s… it’s not fair!” he wailed. There was a moment of utter silence then Kakashi started laughing.

Iruka laughed along with him and the two had to slow in their walking. They laughed for a long time, both of them walking in the dark, nothing but the noise of their laughter echoing off the silent buildings. Eventually the chuckles died down and the two Shinobi returned to silence. They walked for a few more minutes, walking past streets until Iruka led them down one of them. Before long, Iruka nodded towards a house a few yards ahead.

“There’s my house.” He declared.

 

 

 

~*~

Thanks for all the great reviews you guys!

And on a rather pointless note, I was listening to a live version of Eagles Fly by Velvet Revolver as I wrote this. What does that have to do with anything? Why, nothing.