Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Stiff Competition ❯ Stiff Competition ( One-Shot )

A/N: For those of you who don't know, I have two theories for Naruto's future. He either has his happy ending with Sasuke and Sakura, or he becomes the village pimp. Do not question my logic. Lol This obviously fits within the latter scenario.

Pairings: mentions of several, none occurring in the story itself

Warnings: I don't even know what to put here. Arrogant men bragging about their conquests, one mention of yaoi and bukkake, and deviant behavior in general. Does this actually surprise anyone here?

Disclaimer: Naruto ain't mine even though I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about his imaginary sex life. :O

 

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Stiff Competition

 

 

Genma bites back a curse and passes the senbon to the other side of his mouth again. Most days it does its job well, giving his mouth something to do. Its presence alone is usually enough to keep him distracted from the cravings. Most days. But not days like today. Not when the irritation is so palpable it hums in his ears. Not when the scent of a random passerby sparks a longing so strong he can taste the tobacco on his tongue and feel the smoke ghosting down his throat. Shit.

 

He bites down on the senbon and feels the metal give ever so slightly as he glares at the corner store. With a quick shake of his head, he pushes himself past, intent to stay on course. He made a promise to his dying friend, after all. He's managed to keep it this long - ten years for those counting - he isn't about to let something like a simple bad day ruin it. `Sides, Hayate would probably start haunting his ass or something if he picked the habit back up now.

 

He could go have a few drinks, but he knows from experience that trading one vice for another doesn't actually solve the problem at hand. It does kill the urge for a smoke, though. Usually. He considers it briefly and decides to stop by the pub later if he's still this irritable after his errands.

 

Ugh. He needs to get laid, which brings him full circle. Ayame had turned him down. Turned him down! And he'd laughed at first, because he hadn't believed her. Plans? When they'd once snuck off in the middle of her shift leaving her father alone to deal with a starving dinner rush? Right. But then she'd insisted and refused to cancel and even worse, refused to tell him who. And well, maybe it's none of his business, but damn it, he wants to know who the hell could possibly be more fun and charming than himself! Konoha is full of duds and nutcases, and not that he's perfectly well-adjusted or anything, but he knows he's good at what he does. The best, in fact! A one of a kind! At least, until recently.

 

He has a suspicion of who it might be, though, as grating as it is. There have been a few comments made by friends lately that, even in their light-hearted nature, still manage to strike a nerve whenever they pop up unwanted in his memories.

 

He turns the corner, and a frown immediately tugs at his lips when the administration building comes into view and with it, the sight of Uzumaki Naruto eating lunch on a nearby bench. He's sharing a bento with Sakura, the hot, pink-haired medic who, despite his best efforts, has yet to play doctor with him. He watches them a moment. There's definitely comfort there, which is no surprise considering how long they've known each other. But then Naruto's leaning over, mouth next to her ear, and suddenly she throws a chunk of her rice ball in his face. Genma laughs despite himself. Looks like they're equal as far as she's concerned.

 

A moment later, she gathers her things and says her goodbye, leaving Konoha's latest aspiring pimp alone. Seconds later, Genma finds himself taking the vacated seat and sizing up the competition. The kid's not bad looking, he concedes. If you're into blue eyes, shaggy blond hair, and disturbing amounts of orange. The shit-eating grin probably doesn't hurt either. It certainly hasn't hurt him any. Still, the kid is in his early twenties, and experience definitely counts for something, Genma thinks smugly.

 

Naruto stares back at him curiously.

 

“So.” Genma slouches comfortably, elbows resting on the back of the bench as if unconcerned by the situation. “I hear you're trying to take my title.”

 

The blond's eyes narrow slightly. “Title?”

 

Genma doesn't clarify; he's not sure where he's going with this anyway. The senbon is switched to the other side of his mouth again as he watches the steady flow of people entering and exiting the administration building. Shizune passes by with two bags of takeout. She looks a little surprised to see the two of them together but greets them both with a smile and continues on toward her destination.

 

The corner of Genma's mouth quirks up as he glances at his companion. “Special Weapons room with two unsuspecting ANBU outside.”

 

A blond eyebrow rises in response, and Genma's not sure if he doesn't get it or if he's just not interested in playing. He tries again.

 

Nodding at a woman buying a drink from a vendor across the street, Genma asks, “You know the library chick?”

 

“Suzume?” The suspicious expression has yet to leave his face.

 

“In the special interest section. We were shushed three times.”

 

“Ah.” Naruto nods in understanding. “Nice.” He seems to scan over the village center. A moment later, he grins, (and Genma knows right then his challenge has been accepted.) “Aki from ANBU. Six times in one night.”

 

From the corner of his eye, Genma sees her by the door of the building talking with another ANBU, blood red ponytail swaying behind her as she shakes her head. She's not easy to crack. He smirks at the kid, senbon switching sides again. Good one. “A rice country daimyo's daughter in the bathhouse while I was supposed to be guarding her.”

 

Naruto turns his attention back to the crowd of people. His eyes stop on Ino. “Back stairwell of the administration building and a threesome on top of Hokage Monument.”

 

“Not bad.” He has a few Ino stories of his own, though. It's time to step it up. “Okay, Inuzuka Hana and Mitarashi Anko on an undercover mission while Raido was fetching supplies.” He chuckles at the memory. “He refused missions with me for three months.” Naruto's laughter joins his own, and Genma decides right then it's getting hard to hate the guy.

 

“What the hell did you expect?” He looks thoughtful for a moment then says, “All over Hyuuga Neji's face in the men's room at the pub.”

 

Genma congratulates himself on not gawking ridiculously. He hasn't heard any rumors of that nature before, and to be honest, the only thing he has that's even close to that involves Kakashi and the locker room shower back when he was 15, and he's not quite sure he wants to divulge that little piece of information to Kakashi's former student. Or pretty much anyone. Instead, he shifts the senbon once more. “Three of my neighbors have filed noise complaints.”

 

“Two of my neighbors moved.”

 

“Had my first four-way at 17.”

 

“My promotion to jounin involved a ten person orgy.” The kid's grin is starting to look a little cocky, but Genma can't help but nod in acknowledgement.

 

“I'm permanently banned from two sushi bars for various members of waitstaff going above and beyond good customer service.”

 

“There have been five separate incidents of nurses giving me special healing sessions in the hospital.”

 

For a moment, Genma ducks his head in concession, then he turns toward the blond and slaps him on the back none too gently. “You are worthy competition, kid.”

 

Naruto offers a wide, cheeky grin. “You're not too bad yourself.”

 

The words are a little too placating for his tastes, and with a nod, Genma gets up and carries on with the day's business. After giving a past-due report to Sakura (the hokage was having lunch,) he stops by the pub. Not as originally planned, though. The craving for a cigarette has long since taken a back burner to his need to strategize. When the waitress brings him his first drink, Genma holds it up and with a wink, says to her, “To staying in the game.”