Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Box ❯ The Box ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

"YOU WHAT?!" Tenten's voice could be hard echoing all through Konoha as she stared Neji down.
"Omg, Neji, WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONNA LIVE ON THE STREETS FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!" Tenten wailed, and Neji stayed quiet. He knew she would yell when she found out, he was just expecting something more like 'Neji, how did you ever get such a great deal!?' and 'Im SOOO happy! I love you neji!'Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. He silently cursed the fox demon boy, because, of course, it was his fault, not Neji's! Naruto... Neji thought, I'm gonna kill you!
Flashback
Neji was walking around, thinking over what Tenten told him, and he looked at his hand, wich had lots of moneys in it XD Since you left the hyuga mansion, I need you to go buy a house. make sure you dont spend too much, and get a fair sized house! Neji remembered Tentens voice. But, as Neji figured out over his long walk around konoha, houses were not easy to find. I mean, sure, there were houses with for-sale signs on them, and they looked pretty large, but tenten had said 'fair-sized', and where Neji grew up, fair-sized was mansion-sized. He walked around again, and on his way, bumped into Naruto. Wait! Naruto bumped into him, of course, because Hyugas dont do such foolish things as bumping into people. So, he did what Hyugas do best and glared at the boy, suprised he didnt run away.
"Hia Neji!" he had spoke, and grabbed Neji's hand, "Follow me!"
"Where are you taking me?" Neji asked, and his hyuga glare probably would have burnt a hole in any normal human by now, but, as we all know, Naruto was not normal. So, he just kept grinning like an idiot and leading Neji down random streets and alleyways.
"Where are you taking me!?"Neji spoke again, in a louder voice that caused naruto to turn around and hush him.
"Ok, do you want to buy a house or not? Hinata-chan said you needed help, so I told her I would help you, and I dont go back on my word, BELEIVE IT! So, shut up and follow me!" He whisper-shouted, and continued walking. Oh yea, neji thought as he remembered, Hinata-sama ran off with him a while back He wondered where they were living now, not that he cared of course. but, going home to tenten that night without a house deed in hand did not seem to be a very... tempting idea. So, he let the idiot pull him along for about five more minutes, untill they came to an abrupt halt, and the person they had almost bumped into turned around.
"Naruto! Dont tell me you told even MORE people about my house. Idiot!" The person (whom after a second of turning around was verified as sasuke) yelled, glaring at Naruto. The blonde boy shrugged.
"Comon, chicken butt. I didnt tell THAT many people! Besides, our good friend Neji here has no idea what we're even talking about!" He exclaimed, and patted Neji on the head. Neji glared at him, but for the moment decided to stay quiet. A house? That could definetly be useful to him right about now. Narutos little speech did not seem to make Sasuke any happier, and he also glared at Naruto (how does Naruto remain so ignorant? XD)
"Well, umm... I only told.. Hinata! and Shikamaru, and Ino, and Sakura... oh wait she already knew... and the ramen guy, and his daughter, and Gaara, and shino, and kiba, and Jiriah, and kankuro, and lee, and guy sensei, and kakashi sensei, and tayuya, and kimimaru, and your screaming wads of fangirls, and jirobo, and akamaru, and kibas sister, and his freak mother, an that one guy with the head shaped kinda like a kazoo that stares at me when i buy ramen from that bench across the street, and kurenai sensei, and ibiki sensei, and.. FIVE MINUTES LATER.. and kabuto, and shizune, and Itachi, and Kisame--"
"YOU TOLD MY BROTHER!?"
"Duh. And the kazekage, and I think Orochimaru might have caught on somewhere between the ramen guy and his daughter." Naruto smiled at himself, yet again completly unaware of Sasuke, who looked as though he was about to have a heart attack.
"Wow." was all Sasuke could say. He hadn't expected it to be this bad.
"Naruto? Remember on the day I sold you and hinata your home i told you not to tell ANYONE, right?" Sasuke asked, still totoally freaked out by what naruto said.
"Awww... But, like I said, I didnt tell THAT many people! Or do I need to repeat myself?"Sasuke sighed, and put his hand on his head. There was no point in conversing with the blonde, he was like a brick wall.
"Ok, Naruto. I give up. Go back home to Hinata, tell Sakura I'll be home soon. Make sure Shikamaru and Ino aren't doing anything... weird. I'll talk to Neji." Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the shoulders and shoved him out of the little ally way.
"Kay! Im coming, Hinata-Chan!" And with that the fox boy ran around the corner and back to who knows where. Well, in Nejis mind, who knows where. In Narutos mind he knew exactly where he was going... sorta.
"Idiot." Sasuke muttered turning to Neji and staring at him.
"Well, since you and half of the world know where my house is, I might as well cut you a deal. You see, I might be willing to sell you about.. one fourth of my box." Sasuke whispered, bringing his mouth really close to Neji's ear. Neji looked at Sasuke, and then at the money in his hand. dont spend too much he yet again remembered Tentens voice.
"Hmm... how much?" Neji asked. Sasuke pondered the question for a minute and then held his hand up in the air.
" 600, 000!" He exclaimed, waving his raised hand frantically around in the air. Neji looked at him curiously, wondering if he was serious. You see, Hyugas have... alot of money, therefore their idea of what things are worth arent exactly... acurate. So when Neji heard that Sasuke was selling one fourth of a box for 600, 000, his first thoughts were Is he serious? I mean one of my cousins bought an eighth of a box for like 800, 000 once. This must be either a REALLY small box, or Sasukes REALLY stupid about the worth of boxes these days! Either way, I just scored myself one fourth of a box! Neji counted the money in his hand, and it came up to... 600, 000.25! Neji smirked. Oh yeah! Enough to buy the house and get me a refreshing pepsi!
Sasuke looked at the money in Nejis hand and grabbed it all, turning around and motioning for neji to follow him.
"HEY! You took my 25 cents! Give it back!" He growled, reaching over Sasukes shoulder for the quarter. Sasuke shoved him away and scanned the moneys with his sharingan. After finding out that it indeed was 600, 000. 25, sasuke grimaced and looked at the quarter. Then he looked at Neji.
"You owe me 25 cents in intrest." He said. Sasuke pocketed the cash and turned back around, leaving Neji no choice but to follow him.Neji thought of his poor Pepsi, and looked over at Sasuke, deciding that he would forever hold a grudge.
"Fine. But I want a Pepsi when we get to this 'box' of yours." Neji said quietly. Sasuke looked back at him.
"Fine." Sasuke replied. My grudge has been compensated. Neji thought, and they continued walking, until they finally reached a street with large buildings and many allyways. They finally stopped, and on the street in front of them was... a box. With Naruto sitting next to it.
"What are you doing?! I told you to go INSIDE!" Sasuke sighed, putting his hand on his head again.
"But Sasuke, my house keys were revoked, remember? Hinata-chan has them now!" Naruto exclaimed, standing up, "Can you let me in now?" Neji finally looked at the box, and was greeted with a very odd sight. A box, about large enough to put a medium-small printer in, totoally coated with locks. Large locks, small locks, chains, buckles, a burgalar alarm, a door bell and a knocker. Oh, and a pager.
"Naruto, you idiot! Why didnt you just use the pager?!" Sasuke scolded, and Naruto looked at the box carefully, until a look of relization came upon his face.
"Oh yeah!!" Naruto grinned, then pressed the button on the pager.
"HINATA-CHAN!! LET ME IN, OK!?" He yelled, and then sat next to the box again, grinning like a maniac. Sasuke took a deep breath and pressed the button on the pager again.
"Dont worry, Hinata. I've got the keys. Tell Sakura I'll be down in a minute, and I have a buyer for the last quadrant of our home!" Sasuke said, and although Hinata couldn't see, he was motioning to Neji. Sasuke let go of the button and reached into his pocket, revealing a keychain with ten enormous keys. He slowly unlocked each lock, and opened the box. Smoke rolled out of the crack (Neji heard Sasuke mutter ' Ino's cooking again'), and Neji peered into the box. In the box was a very steep stone staircase, jagged, looking very cold and uncomfortable.
"OH, COME ON! How am I supposed to live on THAT?!" Neji cried, looking at the staircase in the box and motioning towards one fourth of it. Sasuke looked at Neji.
"They call you a prodigy genius?" Sasuke asked, before starting to climb down the staircase.However, before he got a foot in the box, Shikamaru came shooting up the staircase.
"INO'S COOKING AGAIN!!" He cried, before leaping out of the box and darting down the street. Sasuke looked after Shikamaru, then peered down the staircase, recieving a face full of smog. Ino's voice could be heard.
"Shikamaru!! Your cerial's ready!!" She called, Sasuke closed the entrance to the box and looked at Neji, then back at the box that looked as though it was charring.
"Umm... now's not a good time. Can you come back tomorrow, around six am?" Sasuke asked. Neji thought about it, and remembered Tenten.
"Alright, but can I get some papers, like saying I own one fourth?" Neji replied, looking at the box and Neji. Sasuke nodded, and pulled out an oversized crayon. He took out a piece of coloured paper (pink), and wrote in messy writing, 'Neji owns 1/4th of my box'. Neji crammed the note in his pocket before walking away, to go back to Tenten. He looked over his shoulder at the Uchiha, remembering something very important. My grudge returns. My poor pepsi :'(
End flashback
So, you you see, it was all the fox boys fault, not Nejis. Neji looked at Tenten, who was withered pathetically in a ball on the floor. He thought about comforting her, but then remembered her disturbingly accurate sense of aim, and that she ALWAYS had weapons on her.
"You're overreacting, Tenten. It's not that bad." Neji tried. Wrong move. It was apparent as a kunai flew by and nearly embezzled itself in Nejis forhead. When he stopped having a panic attack he looked at Tenten, who was glaring daggers at him. He would have laughed, given any other situation,but here, laughing would be identical to signing a death sentence. Tenten stood up and looked at Neji.
"Neji, I am NOT wasting my time going out, and seeing this 'Box' of yours tommorow! I am going to work, so I can earn some money to buy us a real house!" Tenten looked up at the darkening sky obove them, and turned around. Neji sighed exasperatedly and walked fast paced behind the fuming weapons mistress.
"you know-" Neji started.
"NO! i don't know neji! i don't know why the hell they call you a damn genius or prodigy or what ever the hell they call you!" Neji was taken aback as Tenten continued to vent, and Neji seriously regreted following the seething kunoichi, not that a Hyuga could posibly be afraid of a girl, because Neji wasn't afraid, but one must always be cautious of crazy panda-girls, so naturally Neji shrunk back a bit (for his own safety of course) and made another mental note to double kill the fox boy. Tenten continued her firey rant as she stormed down the street.
"you're just a STUPID, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, Hyuga MORON!!"
Hyuga's don't take crap from girls, and though Tenten was not just ANY girl, Hyuga Neji couldn't help but straighten his back and stare intently into the back of her panda girl-head. Tenten of course was to bussy ranting to feel the intense glare and of course the hyuga knew this, as he should, but glaring made him feel more... 'in-control'... and the fact thet Tenten couldn't see his little 'display of power' was probably in his best intrest right now, and of course he knew this as well.
Neji knew all to well that at this pace his wife would never go to their new 'house'... and definetly not tomorow. being a Hyuga and all he thought up a clever plan that would require stealth, speed, quick reflexes, and a hell of alot of guts. Naturally Neji put this plan into play immediatly.
Thunk
In a matter of 2 seconds Neji Hyuga had brilliantly executed his well thought out plan. He had, in fact, snuck up behind his angry wife and clonked her over the head with a conviniently placed lawn gnome. Tenten flopped to the ground and Neji lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder after dusting most of the dirt off of her (Hyuga's usually make it a habbit not to pick stuff up of of the ground, but he figured if a Hyuga was to pick something/someone of the ground, then that Hyuga should probably brush it of as not to get their clothes dirty, but of course this was just speculation)
The next part of Neji's plan he had to admit was slightly not-so-well-thought-up, as he had not thought in advance what he would do in the 9 hours in between now and the moving in tomorrow at 6am (it was now 9pm).
Neji racked his brain for a way to keep Tenten from waking up and killing him... he soon realized why Shikamaru hadn't ever knocked Ino out, Shikamaru would have thought further ahead and realized that there was un-avoidable doom with a direct link to knocking your wife out. But Neji realized it was not only to late for that but that tenten would not be uncontious for long and that when she awoke thats when the doom would occur.
The Hyuga quickly looked around with his byakugan and concluded that there was no one for in the streets exept for two blurry figures too far off to reach them, even if they were to run to their direct spot. Once he was sure there would be no interfeirence Neji darted off in a direction towards the hotel (they had paid for a full-week before hand wich was a good thing because neji was broke now). once at the hotel Neji threw Tenten on the bed and searched the room for something to tie her up (to restrain her from killing him). He tore the blinds down and wrapped them around her tightly, tieing them at the back. Once he was sure that she had no weapons and that it might possibly take her more than 20 seconds to un-bind herself he threw her in the closet deciding that if she was to wake up he might have a whole 23 seconds to escape. (the door of the closet was locked shut, so it might take her 3 seconds to smash through... he hoped) (AN: why does the closet have a lock on it?)
The Next Day -6am-
Neji stood infront of Sasuke. Sasuke stood infront of the box. Tenten stood beside Neji, who was infront of Sasuke, who was infront of the box... Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the sight before him. Neji was bruised in every visible area of his body and blood was dribling in a thin, yet steady stream from his lip. Tenten, on the other hand was bound with tattered and ripped curtains from head to toe, and her eyes were full of a stong emotion though Sasuke wasn't sure if it was rage or fear... he hoped it was the later of the two. Neji however knew all too well that it was the earlier.
Sasuke looked from one to the other and then cleared his throat-
"OMG! FIRE!!" a voice from the inside of the box cut Sasuke off.
"OMG!! NOOOOO!! I'LL DIE IF I EAT THAT!! NOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOooooOOOOOoooOOOoooooooooo..." this time everyone could identify the voice in the box as being Shikamaru's. Ino was evidently cooking, again as billows of black smoke were erupting from the cracks in the box carrying with them a dingy, sulphurus smell that for some reason reminded Neji of laundry-detergent, though he quickly came to the conclusion that he was probably thinking to hard and that the fumes from the box must be somewhat intoxicating.
Another voice could be heard from inside the box "COME ON SHIKA!! EAT THE DAMN TIDE-SANDWICH!!" the three outside of the box looked at eachother with a mixture of pity and fear... especially Tenten who also looked somewhat confused. Feet could be heard scrambling up the staircase, then a thunking sound, as the person's head connected with the top of the box. Rapid beeps and clicks were heard, as well as some more foot steps coming up the stairs, then the box burst open and Shikamaru came rocketing out. A few seconds later it was verified that Ino was following him, as she was jumping out of the box and after Shikamaru, in her hand were two peices of bread that looked a bit blueish, soggy and had a fabric softener sheet slipping from in between them. Neji stared at the sandwich and Ino, and then the Shikamaru. Seeing the pathetic look on his face let Neji know; He had to help Shika. Neji quickly turned around, looking for something of use. His eyes scanned two blurry figures, too far away to help, then he grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on. After dramatically embedding the object into the now immobile Ino's head, he realized he had hit her with a conviniently placed lawn gnome, and the pointy part of its gnome hat was in Ino's head. Ino slowly turned to face Neji, a questioning look on her face.
"Neji? Why'd you pinch the back of my head? Don't tell my you want the sandwich? Well, sorry, it's Shikas! Later!" Ino smiled, and then turned around, the gnome finally falling out of her scalp. She ran after Shikamaru, who had fortunately got some get-away time due to Neji's little stunt. All three people outside the box stared, mouths agape, thinking one thing. Don't tell me she didn't feel that? Five minutes later Sasuke was the first one to recover, and shrugged.
"First thing to get used to. Weird things happen here. Oh, Yeah! I forgot to give you the rules list!" Sasuke exlaimed. Tenten gave Neji a weird look, and he shrugged. Sasuke reached into his pocket, and pulled out a list, it was writen with an oversized red crayon (quite evidently). It said the following.
Here are the Rules, Idiots. Abide by or Die.
1. Never walk by the fruit bowl picture by yourself. In fact, its best just to stay away. (unless you're Shikamaru or Ino. Then it's cool.)
2. Keep cheese puffs away from Naruto.
3. Energy drinks and Shika don't mix. So don't try.
4. If you're closest to a mess, you will be blamed for it.
5. Trying to smuggle Temaris' into the house is punishable by law. Don't.
6. Any small, fuzzy creatures brought into the house will be used for target practice, cuz it's fun.
7. Don't use sakuras hair formula. I get blamed for it.
8. Dancing infront of the giant fosslized mongoose is like eating a taco in front of Choji and not offering him any.
9. Floor tiles are only for decoration. Do not step on.
10. All writing utensils MUST be oversized crayons.
11. Pencil-crayons are NOT crayons.
I herby consent to the above rules,
Signature: &
Tenten and Neji looked at the note carefully, and Neji seemed to accept all the rules on the note, signing it. He then looked at Tenten, and on his second thought, forged her signature. Tenten's reaction, however, went a little like this.
"WHAT!? How do we AVOID the fruit bowl picture? Its a BOX!! And in a box theres no ROOM to keep cheese puffs away from naruto!! Who would bother trying to mix Shika and energy drinks?! If we're all in the box, we'll all be the same distance from a mess!! Is there even room for a Temari in there?? Same with the small, fuzzy animals!! How do you even FIT a giant fosslized mongoose in there, let alone dance infront of it!? Where do we step OTHER than the floor tiles? And why would we use giant crayons!? Thats just STUPID!!" Tenten wailed, sending a horrible glare towards the Hyuga standing next to her. Said Hyuga just nodded slowly. After all, boxes are mysterious things. Then, Neji double-taked, looking at Tenten again. His eyes zoomed in on her mouth. His eyes then considerably widened. WHERES THE MOUTH COVER?! he thought, before looking at the ground, and finding a chewed up, ripped rag on the ground. ... ok... Neji simply hoped she was in a better mood than before, and decided to keep his hands away (very far away) from her mouth.
Sasuke grabbed the note and re-crammed it in his pocket. He looked up at the couple before them, and then at the box.
"Lets go now. Hurry, while Ino's busy with Shikamaru!!" Sasuke suddenly became hurried, as though dreading the thought of the two coming back. He opened the box and leapt in, and (very apperently) missed the first step. A series of crashes were heard, followed by a sickening crack at the bottom of the stair case. Neji leaned into the box, twitching at the sight of blood on the staircase.
"HEY, UCHIHA!!" he called down the box, snickering, "do you still have your brains in your head?" Neji's ammusement left him quickly though, when he felt Tenten leaning on his back, apparently trying to get a look in the box. Within two seconds both he and Tenten were toppling head-first down the steep stair-case, wich was definetly longer than it had looked, and still filled with smoke due to Inos cooking. It felt like ages before they finally reached the bottom, wich was thankfully padded. Oh wait, that was Sasuke... oh well. Neji stood up and dusted himself off, surveying his surroundings. He appeared to be in a very beautiful, fancy hall-way, with a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and large double doors at the end. He looked back at Tenten, who, in a similar fashion, was gaping at her surroundings. He sent her a 'I-rule-and-am-the-king-of-all-house-buying-so-there-ha' look, before recalling it when she sent him her own 'I-know-where-you-sleep' look. Sasuke, who was trying to wiggle out from under Tenten, whom wasnt moving any time soon, sighed. He pushed Tenten off him and looked at the other prodigy.
"The tour starts now. so, you might want to un-bind her." he pointed to Tenten, and Neji quickly shook his head. he picked up Tenten, and began following Sasuke, who had already opened one of the big doors and was moving ahead. They entered the second room, that was somewhat of a kitchen, apart from the large black burns and explosion marks on the counters and floors. Not to mention the steam coming from the forgotten pan, and the laundry cleaner bottles sitting next to the counter.
Sasuke looked at the mess, not really caring. When foot steps were heard from the hallway to the left of them, however, he looked around cautiously and began backing up. Tenten got the hint, and wriggled free of Neji, slightly pushing him forward in the process. A pink head bobbed into sight from around the corner, and Sakura appeared before them. She looked at the mess, then at the trio that had come in, then back at the mess. She repeated the process a few times, and just before Neji thought he should say something she yelled
"STAND RIGHT THERE!!", and dashed out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a measuring stick and a big black crayon. she put the meter stick on the floor, and carefully measured the distance between each of them and the kitchen, before glaring at Neji.
"HYUGA!! Clean up your own messes!!" She called, before handing him some cleaning utensils and scrawling 'Stupid' across his head with the crayon. She left then, Neji standing there, confused. Tenten began to laugh.
"Rule 4, Neji!!" She called, before glaring at Sasuke with her 'unbind-me-or-else' glare, and he quickly did as she 'asked'. Once unbound she looked at Neji, who was still hopelessly standing there with the cleaning items. She sighed and took the mop from him, earning a quick, questioning look from her husband, She shrugged, and began cleaning the mess with him. Sasuke looked at them, and decided to wait untill they were done.
Five mins later
Sasuke looked in suprise at the two standing in the clean kitchen, his eyes wide. It normally took a span of five DAYS to clean Ino's messes, and this one had been especially bad, seeing as they hadn't cleaned out the 'cerial' mess from yesterday. He closed his eyes and opened them again, to find the same sight greeting him. Sasuke grinned a little, before telling them some 'valuable information'.
"You didn't have to clean that mess, you know. We normally dont, unless Sakura is actually watching us..." Neji and Tenten dead-panned, staring at the kitchen behind them, and the Uchiha in front of them. Tenten was the first to recover, as all the things she had seen today had prepared her for pretty much anything else traumatic she might see or hear for the rest of her life. The Hyuga was soon to follow, and looked at the ground, muttering something about how he should've been like a shinobi, and looked for 'meanings within hidden meanings'. Tenten sighed at Neji, then put away all the cleaning utensils. Sasuke nodded, then they continued with the tour.
First, they ventured down the hallway Sakura had come from. It was almost identical to the front hallway, if not more extravigant. It had a total of five doors and one archway leading from it, and while they were walking down the hall, each room was explained. The first door led to the laundry room, the second led to the T.V. room. The next was the archway, leading to the bathroom. Then, the third doorway, to the other T.V. room, the fourth doorway to the lego room. Finally, they stopped at the end of the hall and turned left, entering the fifth door. It led to another large hallway, yet this one had over-sized pictures hanging from the wall, and the wall paper was lost among the mess of frames and photos. The pictures were all beautiful, though random. To Nejis immediate left there was a giant watermelon on a tea-cup, and to his right, there was a picture of a hippo. Further ahead, there were pictures of strawberrys, cows, wolves, computers, frogs, dryers, couches, dishwashers, dishes, sunflowers, and blackberrys. Well, there were alot more than that, but Neji doubted he would ever memorize all the pictures in the hall anyways. They began walking down the hall, and abruptly stopped in front of a picture of a strawberry and a blackberry. Sasuke pushed the picture, and it fell in, revealing another mansion-sized room.
"These are Sakura's and my own living quarters. Noone else can enter unless allowed." Sasuke explained, before placing the picture back in its original place. They walked further down the hall, entering the room at the end. In the room there was another staircase, steeper than the entrance, almost steep enough to be a slide... and on an almost absolute vertical. It looked dangerous. VERY dangerous. They all walked... well... fell down the staircase, and landed in a giant room with vaises. Millions and millions of vaises. Sasuke started walking around, as though searching for something, every once and a while nudging a vaise. He then kicked one of the larger vaises with an orange and a blueberry pattern around the rim. A large grin appearing on his face, he signalled the two Hyugas over, before showing them the hole in the floor.
"This is Hinata and Naruto's corner of the house. I really couldnt care less if you intruded in on them. yeah, all sections of the house are over ten times the size of what you've seen so far." Sasuke spoke, before ushering the brown-haired ninjas out of the room, Neji trying to look back over his shoulder, his protective cousin senses kicking in. Fortunately, Tenten and Sasuke were able to drag him away before he managed to barge into hinata and naruto's house and kill the blonde. Once they were a fair ways away from the vaise room they arrived in... another room! This one, as the previous, had a collection of random items. In this room, that thing happened to be... Assorted bowls of fruit. Neji thought back to the previous rooms. Hey! the photos in one room... the strawberry and the black berry led to sasuke's and sakura's room. Sasuke is like a black berry, and Sakura's like a strawberry! On the vaise, there was an orange and a blueberry! Hintata-sama is like a blueberry, and the idiot is like an orange! I get it!
"Hey, sasuke," He called, "We're looking for Shikamaru and Ino's room right?" Sasuke nodded and Neji began looking around. He began to jump up and down excitedly when he found a fruit bowl filled with pineapples (five to be exact).
"Shikamaru's head looks kinda like a pineapple! This is it, right?" He asked, reaching for the bowl. Sasuke looked at him and his eyes widened.
"NO!! STOP!!" He yelled, grabbing neji's arm.
"Why?" Neji asked, looking at Sasuke questioningly.
"Look up!" Sasuke replied, and Neji did. His eyes widened extremely, as did Tentens (she was listening in.) Above them was a giant anvil, swinging precariously off the ceiling on a thin wire.
"If you lift up that bowl, the anvil will fall."
"WHAT? Why would you keep something that dangerous in your house?!" Neji cried, still eying the anvil and inching away cautiously. Sasuke shrugged.
"To weed out the Shikatema fans." He said, and walked over to a bowl with one pineapple and a billion banannas. He lifted it up to reveal a slide, looking very happy and fun. there were flowers coming out the sides of the tunnel. Neji looked up at the anvil and then at the slide, and decided that perhaps, it would be wiser to not pick up the pineapple bowl. Sasuke allowed Neji and Tenten to look down the tunnel, before placing the fruit bowl back.
"Well, yeah. Now, we go to your room." Sasuke informed them, exiting the room. Hmm... I wonder what fruit Tenten and I are.. Neji thought.
"Well, that's obvious. You're a chocolate covered Asian pear." Sasuke stated, answering Neji's unasked question. Creepy.. Neji thought, before putting his arm around Tentens shoulders.
"Asian Pear? Well, better luck next time, Tenten!"
"Umm, Neji? I was thinking more of Tenten as the chocolate." Sasuke stated, and Neji's face fell.
"... I'm... an Asian pear?" he stated questioningly. "I was thinking something more exotic... like...hmmm... PAAAAASSION FRUIT!!" Neji explained, throwing his arms out dramatically. Sasuke patted him on the head.
"Sorry, our official painter's already on it." Sasuke pointed to the corner of the room, at Naruto sitting on the ground, finger painting a chocolate covered Asian pear (wich looked somewat like a turd) on a giant panda. Neji looked, and noticed he hadnt realized they were already in the room, a room filled with giant pandas with random objects painted on their sides.
"What the?! How could you?!-" he moaned, glaring at Sasuke, "-I'm gonna lose my Tenten in here!" Neji slapped his hand against his forehead, exasperatedly. Tenten glared at him harshly.
"How the heck am I supposed to get into my house?!" he yelled, pointing with a stiff, and shakey finger at the panda. The uchiha shrugged.
"That's your problem. not mine." Sasuke said, before giving thema piece of paper.
"Thats a map. I have better things to do than show you around, and even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Not even I have been in all the rooms in the house. Noone knows where all the rooms are. The circled places on the map are where you dont go. For your own safety." Sasuke said, before leaving Neji and Tenten in the giant room of pandas. After a few seconds, he came back in, placing a pepsi in Neji's hands.
"Here." He said, before leaving again. Neji looked at the pepsi, and opened it, a grin growing on his face.
"FINALLY!!" He cried, before taking a giant swig of it. He then looked for Tenten, who had dissapeared into the mass or pandas. I really might lose her! he thought, before beginning to make his way through the sea of black and white (and other colours because of the pictures on the bears).
"Neji!" Tenten called, and neji followed her voice, finding himself in front of the panda naruto was painting on. Tenten was grinning happily.
"Neji! Isnt he adorable?" Tenten asked, cuddling the bear. Neji looked at the bear, who was looking at... his pepsi. Neji glared at the bear... who looked at the pepsi with little, bubbly, pleading eyes.
"I'M NOT GIVING YOU MY PEPSI, GOT IT?" Neji yelled, and Tenten stared at him accusingly.
"Neji! How could you say that!? He just wants a hug!" Tenten scolded, cuddling the bear.
The Hyuga rolled his eyes in the back of his head and proceeded to stare at the 'demon' panda. Tenten continued glaring cruelly at Neji. The bear continued glaring hopefuly at the pepsi.
Neji noticed that the 'demon' panda bear was grossly overweight and his face sagged patheticly. The Hyuga snorted. This was not his idea of a house entrance. However it was quite aparent that Tenten was content with it so Neji decided to make peace with the bear... but he wasn't giving up his pepsi.
Neji wondered for a few moments on how one would 'make peace' with an oversized demon panda and soon came to a brilliant conclusion!
The confident prodigy strode towards the bear and held out his hand as if to recieve a friendly hand-shake. What he recieved was slightly more painful. The panda had firmly latched its jaws around his hand and was not about to let go.
Neji's eyes widened as he shreaked out in pain and waved his arm around dramatically wich only led the panda to clamp down even harder like a vice grip and Tenten to start spewing out curses and scoldings (towards Neji).
--After many hours of gnawing, cursing, screaming, hissing, and stitching up panda inflicted wounds--
"Neji!! poor panda-chan had to deal with your nasty, dirty-hand taste for hours! what were you thinking!?" Tenten was yelling, neji promptly ignoring her (cuz really, who wants to listen to crazy panda girls rant on about crazy pandas?). Tenten had been ranting for a good five hours before neji finally spoke.
"wow, Tenten. Are you sure you wouldnt rather be married to the panda then me?" he asked, and tenten began to look nervous.
"Neji! how could you even THINK such a thing?! sure, panda-chan is cute... and fuzzy... and nice... but, I mean... well..." tenten began murmuring incoherently, and at about this time, neji began to worry for his wifes... mental condition.
Tenten continued " I mean! sure you're not fuzzy, or cute, or snuggly, but you have... um..." Tenten thought for a moment "Why DID I marry you?" she asked with a raised eyebrow at Neji "You must have SOME redeeming qualitys!" Tenten pondered for a few hours before leaving the bed room mumbling something about searching for something about something online.
Neji however didn't hear her as he was much too pre-ocupied with brushing his long, and sickeningly shiny hair. sometimes Neji's hair was SO long and SO sikingly shiny that even neji wondered wether or not he was gay, so he realy had no choice but to cut crazy yaoi fan-girls some slack. (A/N: ok sort of off topic there for a second...)
Tenten and Neji spent the rest of the night doing totally seperate things. Tenten spent the night typing key-words such as 'hyuga', 'neji', 'redeeming', and 'features' into the google and yahoo search engine wile spooning instant coffie into her mouth and washing it down with a two leter of coke. Neji spent the night sleeping.
Neji woke up the next morining with a stretch and a loud yawn before happily hoping out of bed and taking a nice long 2 hour shower (wich convieniently drained every last drop of hot water from the entire box). Upon entering the kitchen the Hyuga noticed his wife sitting hunch back in a chair infront of a computer with her face nearly pasted to the moniter. across the screen read words such as 'jerk' 'moron' 'gay' and 'sickeningly shiney'. On a second take Neji noticed a jar of coffie on its side entirely scraped and polished of any and all cafinated remnants. an the floor there were several more polished coffie jars mixed in amoung several dozens of empty 2 leter coke bottles.
The Hyuga shrugged and continued towards the stove to make himself some pancakes. He wasn't going to make Tenten any until he checked if she was dead or not. but that could wait until after his pancakes.
It wasn't long after neji sat down with his perfectly golden, crisp pancakes that Tenten stirred in her sleep, pushing the moniter dangerously close to the edge of the desk and mumbling something that sounded like 'jinjie dnede docshter'
Neji ignored Tenten's mumbling wile making a quick side note in his head that his panda-wife was indeed still alive and then turning back to his pancakes he began daintly, and elegently cutting them into portions of the exact same size.
Tenten stirred again, this time the moniter teatered off the edge in an almost commical fashion and the dumpling haired girl once again mumbled some thing evidently louder that sounded like 'Nejiieeieieiegh! NEED DOGCTER!!'
Neji didn't know what a 'dogter' was but he asumed that if he had never heard of one before it couldn't be all that urgent, and who is this 'Nejiieeieieiegh' guy anyways? didn't she know her own husbands name? he thought, I mean come on PenPen! how could you not know your spouses name!?
The Hyuga Prodigy gradualy began measuring and poaring just the perfect amount of syrup on each and every tiny peice of pancake.
Once again Tenten stirred and knocked the computer off the desk with a loud 'crash' and several shattering noises. Then she began shout-mumbling 'Neejiiii!! I NEeEEeeE-'
"HOW RUDE TENTEN!" Neji snapped at his wife "Don't you know! pouring syrup is a refined art! Therefore YOU are interupting the creation of fine art!" he snorted, and returned to carefully applying his syrup.
Tenten began to whine and pout in the corner, apparently immobile and unable to move from her akward position half across her desk with her arms stretched infront of her and her face plastered to the wooden surface.
Neji finished his syrup 'art' and then proceeded to fork each one of the peices into his mouth with the exact same elegant, flick-wrist motion for every peice. After all, Neji Hyuga had none but the best manners.
Tenten mustered up all of her strength to make another wailing, squealing noise before breaking out into tears. The pale-eyed ninja turned to look at his pathetic wife and gave a sigh.
"Tenten?! If you wanted a peice so bad why didn't you just say so?" he said exasperatedly. Tenten began rubbing her head into the wood with frustration and sobbed even more at her husband's blatant stupidity. Neji rose from his chair with a peice of pancake on his fork and walked towards Tenten.
"Here, you can have this one." he stated, shoving the syrupy pastry towards her face "It had too much syrup on it anyways. That was your fault, by the way." Tenten begain wail-squealing again, and attempted to angle her face so that her husband couldnt shove the pancake in her mouth. Said Hyuga would have none of it.
"If you wanted it so badly, you're gonna eat it!" He said, shoving the fork in her unwilling mouth. Tenten began shaking viciously, and attempting to spit out the food. Neji looked at her suspiciously, gasped.
"TENTEN!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU NEEDED A DOCTOR!?" He cried, before grabbing her arm and patting her back, trying to help her get rid of the pancake (wich was now conviniently lodged in her throat).
"There you go, Tenten! One as sickly as you is not in a proper condition to eat my fine works of art! After all, it's for only those of the most refined health and stature!" He exclaimed. Tenten glared at him defiantly, before summoning all her power and forcing the pancake down her throat. It hurt like hell. But it was DEFINETLY worth it. Neji Hyuga's face had contorted, one of his eyes squinting, and the other expanding. His mouth opened wide, and his hands were infront of his body, as though protecting himself from the sight of is 'art' being eaten by one as sickly as his wife. His expression and body language were overall that of a terrified, disgusted school-girl, who saw horror unfolding infront of her, yet could do nothing to stop it. Tenten only wished she had a camera.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" He cried, curling up into a ball. "You and your sickly self ruined everything! It was supposed to be the PERFECT batch of pancakes, Tenten! PERFECT!! You CONTAMINATED it all!!" He sobbed. Tenten was fairly amused, if not slightly offended. Forgetting her desperate need for a doctor, Tenten grinned evilly, and as if her defiance gave her strength she stomped over to the table. Neji looked up, but it was far too late. Tenten had the largest, most 'perfect' piece of pancake on a fork, and was edging it towards her mouth.
"STOP!! WHY THEM!?" He cried, pointing at the stacks of pancakes. "THEY WERE INNOCENT!! WHAT DID THEY DO TO DESERVE YOUR WRATH?!" Tenten shrugged, and started edging the pancake towards her mouth.
"Noooo!!" Neji's wailing could be heard all throughout the box, and Tenten suddenly stopped. She walked over to the fridge, and Neji could only watch horrifiedly as she grabbed the syrup bottle and began excessivly pouring the bottle on the pancake pieces. She then walked over to Neji, and shoved the piece on her fork in his mouth. She smirked once more before saying,
"It had too much syrup on it anyways. That was your fault, by the way."
--
Hope you had fun reading! It was kind of an abrupt halt, but i've been thinking up ideas and writing this story for months We have some other ideas, so, if you guys would like, I can write a part two (if you'd like a part two, please say so!) XD Other than that, please review, it took me a really long time to write! Thanks!
-Utsuro & Kira (kibaskitty & gaarasbabe)