Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Girl Whose Brother was a... Fox? ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

FCUKED up Fairytales… a Naruto Crossover-crackfick/mindfuck.
Rating: Light R… hell, who am I kidding, R.
Pairing(s): Kakairu, Narusasu
 
 
Once upon a time, long, long ago, an old man lived with an old woman and her two children from her first husband. These children were such sweet, innocent little boys, though not so close in age, but close enough. Their mother, Tsunade, thought them to be the apple of her eye, and often extended unto them all her kind thoughts and goodwill. Their evil stepfather, Orochimaru, hated them, and often asked of the mother to destroy the children.
“Tsunade, if you ever want to see Dan again, I recommend killing the children and exchanging their souls for his.”
“But… They're so cute. And Iruka's scar is just adorably kawaii!”
The old man (who did not look so old) went to the old woman and told her that she must get rid of the children or he would never again eat with her or speak to her or, god forbid, he refuse to pay all her gambling debts for her. He instructed her to take them to the forest and make sure they would never find their way home, or, “for fuck's sake, kill the little bastards”. The old woman was completely distraught and begged her husband to relent and allow the children to stay but he would not be swayed. Finally, the old woman agreed to carry out the terrible plan because she was so besotted with her husband she felt she could do nothing that risked losing him (and he threatened to never pay for another gambling debt so long as he lived).
“Ah, kids. Let's go play in the woods.” The mother said. The kids were naïve enough to believe she was taking them to play in the woods, and so they followed her. Since they were good little shinobi, they remembered to mark the trees and found their way home.
“Damn it woman,” Orochimaru hissed, “can't you just kill them or something?”
“Um, well, they kinda remind me of people I've loved in the past. And Naruto is so cute with his Hokage routine.” Tusnade said.
“Just… leave them in the woods without anything next time,” Orochimaru said rubbing his temples.
“Uh, kids,” Tsunade said, “We're practicing survival training in the woods, and I hear there's a… really bad guy in the woods. I think his name's Mizuki…” She frowned, “but that's not important.”
“I thought Mizuki was nice…” Iruka furrowed his brow in youthful puzzlement.
“Um, he's just been declared a missing nin.” Tsunade was proud that she thought of that on such short notice. “So, just go into the woods without any weapons. You've got the power of…” Tsunade remembered their odd neighbor Gai, the woodcutter, “youth on your side.”
“Ano-sa, old geezer,” Naruto waved his hands, “do we get dinner when we get back?”
“Show your mother some respect, Naruto!” Iruka admonished as they set off into the woods. “She's an angry kunoichi a lot of the time,” He shuddered, “and the house will probably need to be fixed again when we get back. She's sure to have destroyed it in her anger.”
“You worry too much, Iruka-nii.” Naruto said.
Soon they came upon a fountain in the woods.
“Sugoi!” Naruto exclaimed, “I'm soooo thirsty, isn't this convenient?”
Although Iruka was incredibly naïve, he did have a little bit of latent sorcery. “Uh, Naruto if you drink from that you'll turn into a…” he thought of a non-threatening animal so Naruto wouldn't drink, “squirrel.”
“Ew!” Naruto recoiled from the fountain. They traveled in silence with the occasional complaint from Naruto about how thirsty he was. “Ano-sa, ano-sa! Iruka-nii, another fountain!”
“Naruto,” Iruka was fighting the urge to rub his temples like Orochimaru, “That will turn you into a rabbit if you drink from it.”
“That's so not cool. I am so not down with that shit,” Naruto was pretty close to faint with thirst. “I guess I won't drink from that fountain.”
They traveled on, and Iruka took a brief breather at the next clearing.
“Ano, Iruka-nii, look at that!” Naruto had found a third fountain.
“Naruto, don't…” Iruka began, but it was too late. Naruto not only drank from the fountain, he poured the water over his head. “I told you so.” Iruka shook a finger at the fox.
“You never said anything about this,” Naruto pouted.
“Because you never listen!” Iruka waved his hands, “Now I'm alone in the woods, and people will think I'm schizophrenic or crazy because I'm talking to animals.”
“Pfft.” Naruto swished his tail in clear disbelief. “I am probably more helpful in this form than I ever was. I'll just steal chickens and stuff for you. Don't worry Iruka-nii, I'll take care of you!”
“That's what I was afraid of.” Iruka sighed.
 
Years passed, and Iruka's beauty grew as exponentially as the trickster fox's reputation for being mischievous did. Iruka was soon the prettiest thing in the forest, which really pissed him off, because he had to live in a tree to prevent people from molesting him. “FUCKING SQUIRRELS!” Iruka howled, brushing another besotted rodent off his arm, “Naruto! You are so dead.”
“Hey, it's not my fault. If you had drunk some of the water too…” Naruto gave the foxy version of a shrug, “What can I say.”
“At least find a way to prevent the damn things from getting into the tree,” Iruka moaned. 
 
Soon the prince of the land heard of the demon-fox that seemed uncannily intelligent and had a coat of burnished bronze and gold. He thought it would make a good prize, so he went out to the countryside to hunt it.
“Ma, I don't know what I'm doing out in the countryside hunting this stupid fox when I could be reading porn,” Prince Kakashi grumbled. Suddenly he stumbled into the clearing Iruka and Naruto lived in. “Ow! Bloody tree roots.” Prince Kakashi picked himself up. He looked up at the tree to see the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his entire life. “Well, hello!” Kakashi was suddenly mister smarm and charm, “what's a beautiful creature like you doing in a dump like this?”
Iruka blushed, “Uh, stargazing?” He tried.
“Only if you're looking into a mirror,” Kakashi's voice dropped to seductive, “Your eyes are like black holes, irresistibly drawing the unsuspecting into them.”
“I'm not quite sure what you're talking about, as I've lived all my life in this tree… or at least what I can remember of it.” Iruka paused, putting a thoughtful finger to his lips.
Kakashi nearly fainted from loss of blood. “Won't you come down?”
“No,” Iruka said firmly, “I won't ever come down from the tree; there are too many horny woodland creatures out there.”
“I'll just come to you, then,” Kakashi said boldly.
“Actually, you probably can't,” Iruka said, “I don't think my brother would like that.” He paused. “And neither would I.” He added finally, and rather unconvincingly.
“Your brother?” Kakashi idly wondered if they were twins.
“Yes, he's a fox.” Iruka replied.
“Isn't that incestuous to consider your brother hot?” Kakashi's inner pervert took over, “Can I watch if you're going to get kinky?”
“GAH!” Iruka threw a pinecone at Kakashi's head, “Hentai!”
“Hey!” Kakashi caught the pinecone, “I'm a prince! Don't throw shit at me!”
“That is a pinecone,” Iruka said in the tones of one talking to a remarkably dense person, “and I sincerely doubt princes look like you.”
Kakashi hefted the pinecone, “You know… you're actually rather rude.”
“Well, I don't like talking to strangers.” Iruka sniffed.
“I'm Prince Kakashi,” Kakashi said, “I'm not a stranger anymore. And you are… let me guess, Gorgeous.”
“No,” Iruka innocently and rather puzzledly replied, “I'm Iruka.”
“What a nice name,” Kakashi said, “I bet it would sound even better if it had my name attached to it.”
“Um,” Iruka said suddenly picking up on the fact that Kakashi was flirting with him, “I think… I hear my brother calling. You'd better go before he eats all your chickens.”
“What?” Kakashi asked, thinking he'd missed something.
“Um, Naruto's a fox,” Iruka said, “like, four-footed, red coat, kinda gold-ish in the sunlight…”
“Wait, your brother's a fox?” Kakashi paused, “Don't tell me, he's inhumanly clever and rather sneaky despite his bright coloring?”
“Oh, so you do know Naruto,” Iruka said, “I suppose he must like you a little if he let you see him.”
“Actually,” Kakashi suddenly paused. Telling someone you were there to kill their sibling was not a good way to make friends. “I have to go… do some princely things.” Like masturbating behind the nearest bush. “So, I hope I'll see you around, ja!”
“That was pretty fucking weird.” Iruka muttered to himself as Kakashi left.
 
“Hey, Jiraiya,” Kakashi poked one of the most famous wizards in his kingdom, “I have a job for you.”
Jiraiya looked up blearily, “Right now? You know, I was having a really good dream, you didn't have to wake me…”
“I found the man I want to marry.” Kakashi plowed on excitedly with no regard whatsoever for what Jiraiya was saying.
Jiraiya twisted a finger in his ear, “Did I just hear what I thought I did?”
“His name is Iruka, and he's gorgeous.” Kakashi continued, “I think he's the marrying before fucking type.”
“A man?” Jiraiya blinked, “I thought you were going to marry Anko…”
“She's a sadist.” Kakashi brushed Jiraiya's concerns off like so many cobwebs, “I want some cute little sex toy.”
“He's that hot, eh?” Jiraiya rubbed his chin. “I'll see. I'm not a wizard for nothing.”
“I knew I could count on you, Jiraiya,” Kakashi said gratefully, “If you can actually get him back to the palace, I'll…” Kakashi thought rapidly, “pay for a month at the local pleasure house, just for you.”
Jiraiya was gone before Kakashi finished his sentence.
 
“Oh, woe is me!” Jiraiya was deliberately not using the cauldron right, “I have no idea how to set up this cauldron!”
“Um, If you turned it right side up…” Iruka called out helpfully from his tree.
“Like this?” Jiraiya turned the cauldron clockwise.
“No,” Iruka put on his stern teacher face, “That is incredibly wrong. How did you get to be so old and stupid?”
Jiraiya smiled, the fish had taken the bait, “It's a tragic tale of loss and horror,” he affected a sad demeanor, “I was a rich man, used to a life of luxury, but my evil brother disposed me, took my gorgeous wife, and kicked the kids out… I'm used to having servants do this stuff for me,” he teared up a little for authenticity. “She had humongous boobs, and the kids were adorable.”
“That's so sad!” Iruka wailed, “My heart is breaking with sympathy! I'll be down to help you.” Iruka slid down the tree. Jiraiya picked a flailing Iruka up and ran back towards the palace.
 
“Where is Iruka-nii?” Naruto was sitting at the bottom of the tree, “I was gone for five minutes…” He had been stealing chickens from the palace yard. The prince was such a soft touch. The raven-haired boy who often wandered the yard had a soft spot for animals, and a formidable scowl for any servants who dared question his hobby of assisting said pathetic looking animals. Naruto knew how to play to the audience, and he often got a really nice belly rub out of it too. He gave a little huff of annoyance, then remembered he was a fox, and could follow the scent trail. It was leading back to the palace. Curiosity perked, Naruto loped off after the trail.
 
“I don't think that's what normal people do…” Iruka trailed off with a gasp as Kakashi continued nibbling on his neck.
“It's something Princes do,” Kakashi said fondling Iruka, “when they really like someone.”
“I…” Iruka wasn't sure he could talk and concentrate on breathing at the same time because Kakashi was quite distracting, “I'm sure this is probably illegal in some countries.”
“I'm the prince,” Kakashi growled as he rolled his hips against Iruka, “and I say it's legal.” He kissed Iruka again, and Iruka melted. “In fact,” Kakashi smirked in a fit of brilliance, “it's illegal to not like me if your name is Iruka.”
“But…” Iruka looked so cutely innocent, “my name is Iruka…”
“Exactly,” Kakashi picked Iruka up and brought him to the bedchamber. “So, you should show proper gratitude to a prince who's terribly attracted to you.”
“Um,” Iruka blushed, “I don't think I know how,” Iruka stuttered, “I've been in the woods without human contact so I haven't exactly done anything like this before…”
“That's great!” Kakashi grinned, “I can show you everything then,” and suiting actions to words Kakashi molested Iruka.
Iruka learned he was a lot more flexible than he thought, and Kakashi thought he was in love, or at the very least very deeply in lust.
 
“Iruka-nii!” Naruto was back in the palace yard.
“There you are Kitsune,” the raven-haried prince walked into the courtyard, “you don't usually visit more than once a day…”
Naruto looked up with pleading eyes. “Do you know where Iruka is?”
“Are you looking for another chicken?” the Prince looked concerned, “At this rate, you'll be too fat to run and hide.”
“I wish someone understood me.” Naruto sighed. The Prince picked the disconsolate fox up.
“I'm going to give you a bath,” the Prince wrinkled his nose, “you smell like dead chicken.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Naruto attempted escape.
“Dobe,” the Prince rolled his eyes, “it's for your own good.”
 
“Kakashi?” Iruka looked at the man beside him.
“Mnph?” Kakashi was sated, and quite relaxed.
“I'm worried about Naruto.”
“You have enough brains left to worry?” Kakashi sat up, “I think I'm insulted.”
“Gomen,” Iruka looked away embarrassed, “I didn't know that was how one was supposed to be after having five hours of thanking…”
Kakashi smirked, “Oh, don't worry. I'll be sure to rectify the situation, just… give me a minute and I'll make you forget about…”
“But I don't want to forget!” Iruka wailed.
“Ma,” Kakashi was at a loss now that Iruka was crying and not bending in incredibly sexy ways, “Don't cry, we'll find your brother…”
“Really?” Iruka looked up at Kakashi worshipfully.
“Since it's really important, I'll ask my brother to do it. I don't trust anyone else with that job.”
“Kakashi-sama!” Iruka cried, “You're the best!” And remembering what Kakashi had told him about thanks, Iruka proceeded to give Kakashi another blowjob.
“Mph!” Kakashi said. And there was more sex. And a very happy silver-haired prince.
 
“Naruto!” Iruka hugged the little fox Prince Sasuke had brought in.
“He gave me a bath!” Naruto wrinkled his nose.
“Well, it's a good thing he did!” Iruka said, “Imagine if he hadn't,” He turned to Kakashi, “you wouldn't have made a good impression on Kakashi-sama.”
“What-a-wha?” Naruto twitched his whiskers.
“Kakashi-sama is going to be family!” Iruka said excitedly. “I promised I'd marry him if he found you. Apparently, getting married is a way of thanking your benefactor by means of making yourselves legal sex slaves to one another. And nobody else is allowed to touch you, so you don't have to put me in the tree anymore, because Kakashi will execute anything that dares touch me.”
Naruto raised an eyebrow. “Iruka-nii, you know what sex is now?”
“No, but I do know how to be very thankful!” Iruka's eyes took on a glazed look, “and it's incredible… Kakashi is very nice. Although, they have such strange vocabulary in the palace…”
“Well,” Naruto sighed, “so long as you're happy.”
“I'm extremely happy.” Iruka said. “Orgasmically so.”
Naruto blushed, but you couldn't really tell because his fur was red too.
 
“That… BITCH!” Anko threw a vase at the wall, “Who does he think he is? Just because he's incredibly bendy, handsome, and a pliable fucktoy…” Anko rubbed her temples, “Okay, okay, I know why, but RAH!” And she threw another vase.
“Calm down,” The man in the shadows soothed, “why don't you just… remove your rival from the picture?”
“You're right!” Anko slammed her fist into her hand. “Thanks Orochimaru-sama!”
“No problem,” a thoroughly evil smile twined its way across Orochimaru's face, “I'd like to thank you Anko-chan. You're actually doing me a favor.”
 
“Iruka-kun!” Anko waved at the oblivious man.
“Oh, Anko-chan,” Iruka turned, “What did you need?”
“I just thought it would be nice to go have a girl's…” she paused, “a Kakashi fanclub picnic!” She grinned brightly. “What do you say?”
“Why,” Iruka beamed, “that sounds lovely, let me go get a basket…”
“Take your time,” Anko smirked.
 
“Oh, isn't this delightful!” Iruka beamed up at the clouds, “and your almond-flavored muffins taste wonderful Anko-chan!”
“Heh, heheheeh,” Anko chuckled, “I'm glad you like them Iruka-kun, I have heard that they're to die for.”
“Um,” Iruka's brow furrowed, “well, they are delicious, but I don't think they'd cause a heart attack…”
“Mwahahaha! They have cyanide in them! Enough to send you into a coma! Bwahahahaha!!” Anko started laughing maniacally over the prone, surprised form of Iruka. “Kakashi is so mine now!” And she took on Iruka's form and went back to the palace.
 
“Iruka-nii, you're acting weird,” Naruto said. Anko ignored him, but gave the fox a funny look. It had been following her around ever since she came back and had worked her illusions on Kakashi and everyone else in the castle. Maybe she should have Kakashi kill the damn animal.
“Mwahahaha! I'll kill it! Kill it dead! Bwahahaha!” Anko suddenly switched off the evil laughter at the arrival of a certain dark-haired prince. “Oh, Sasuke-kun! I wasn't expecting you to be here,” Anko chirruped sweetly at the sudden appearance of the broody dark-haired prince. Sasuke merely raised a brow.
“I'm not sure why you're laughing to yourself in the corner, but I'm guessing Kakashi fucked your brains out.”
“What? That bitch!” Anko paused, “I mean, wow… I must be one hot tamale.”
Sasuke gave her an incredulous look. Naruto made it out the window in record time.
 
“Damn,” Naruto was out in the woods. “The place smells like… almonds and Iruka-nii.” He paused. Iruka was in the middle of a clearing and looked pretty much close to dead. Naruto's foxy nose told him Iruka wasn't dead, so he figured he'd better find someone with hands and the ability to administer CPR.
 
“I'm telling you, I don't think that's the same person you brought home.” Sasuke was standing with his arms crossed.
“But, it looks like Iruka…” Kakashi patted Anko, “So pretty.” Anko smirked smugly.
“Look, the bitch is smirking superiorly at me!” Sasuke growled. Kakashi looked. “Look with the sharingan!”
“But, I see…” Kakashi blinked. “It's Iruka…” He grinned. Um, hi… I'm your sharingan… and um, that is so not Iruka. Kakashi ignored the little voice. Yo? Are you listening to me? Because that is not the person who gave us head last night. “Hehehe…” the little inner voice slapped itself in the forehead.
Suddenly, a little russet colored blur dove into the throne room. Naruto was doing a credible imitation of charades, but not such a good thing at getting his point across.
“Kill it!” Anko shrieked, “It's probably rabid!”
“Bitch!” Sasuke grabbed Naruto up, “Don't attack defenseless animals!” Naruto licked Sasuke's cheek in gratitude. He wrinkled his nose when his brain caught up with his actions.
“Yuck… If I only had a toothbrush.”
“Aw…” Sasuke melted a little, “It likes me.” Then he suddenly was glaring at the room at large again. “You won't hurt it.”
“Didn't you tell me that was your brother?” Kakashi asked puzzled. Thank you! You're listening, okay, that's not Iruka… “…Iruka?” Dammit!
“Oh,” Anko fluttered her eyelashes rapidly, “I must have been hallucinating…”
“I think,” Sasuke said in a flash of sheer genius, “maybe the fox is telling us something, Kakashi.”
“Sasuke, I think your attachment to dangerous animals is robbing your brain of thought processes.” Anko feigned concern, “we should get rid of it to make sure…”
“Actually,” Kakashi blinked, “I was thinking I'd like to go for a walk…” The fox did a little jig in Sasuke's arms. “And for some reason, I feel compelled to take the fox with me. Don't wait up for me, ja!” And he and Naruto were gone.
 
“Oh! My poor Iruka-kun! Who did this to you?” Kakashi was wailing over the prone body of Iruka. “If you weren't so dead, I'd so do you right now…”
“He's not dead.” Naruto waved his tail in irritation, “as I've been telling you for the past hour.” He sighed and curled up into a ball when it seemed obvious that Kakashi wasn't going to listen.
“My lovely Iruka, cut down in his sexual prime!” Kakashi was really getting into mourning Iruka. “And such talents… ::sob:: all wasted in death!”
“He's not dead,” Naruto mumbled.
“That your bright eyes will never again light up in passion and sexual completion!” Kakashi was patting Iruka's body. “Wait, what's that?” Kakashi realized that he was patting Iruka, and Iruka's penis was hardening under his hand. “Dead bodies don't react to molestation…” Kakashi fell upon the body with a cry of joy, “You're alive!”
“As I've been telling you, you loony pervert!” Naruto rolled his eyes. “And don't touch my brother like that… he's not conscious, and you're not married yet!”
“Iruka!” Kakashi clasped Iruka's body to him. “I'll find out how to get you back to your normal self… and we'll dwell in orgasmic bliss forever!”
“Ew… that's just… too much information…” Naruto gagged.
 
“Eh…” Jiraya was squinting at Iruka. “I'd say this looks like a True Love's Kiss scenario.” He put a restraining hand on Kakashi who probably would have kissed Iruka (with tongue) in front of the worried assemblage. “I meant CPR, dumbass.”
“Ah…” Kakashi blinked, “Well, I guess I will do that then…” Kakashi administered CPR, as the room held its breath. Because it was a room, it actually didn't breathe, but it did add tension to the story.
“Where… where am I?” Iruka sat up quickly, “Where's Anko?” He looked around, “…and why do I feel so thankful?”
“Iruka!” Kakashi leapt on the poor, confused man. “You're alive!”
“Um, yes… All I remember is eating these delicious almond-flavored muffins on the picnic with Anko…”
“Ah, yeah. I forgot about her,” Kakashi looked sheepish, “She's who I was supposed to marry instead of you, but she is a lot uglier and not as willing to have sex all the time.” Kakashi frowned, “and she's a sorceress…”
“Well, there's a simple solution to this,” Jiraya interrupted, “If you'll wait until I exit the room for your bout of celebratory sex I'll tell you.”
“Okay, but be quick,” Kakashi said, “It's been an entire two hours I've been deprived of Iruka-sex.” Iruka blushed.
“Well, if I cut out the moral,” Jiraya shrugged, “kill her.” And he left.
“Kakashi!” Iruka sounded shocked, “What do you mean by `sex'?”
“I'll show you…” Kakashi suited actions to words.
 
“Hmph.” Kakashi grumbled.
“Don't touch me,” Iruka hissed, “You said that was a thanking ritual! You never said anything about sex.”
“I figured after fucking like rabbits for five hours you would have known. Nobody's that naïve!” Kakashi replied.
“I lived in a bloody tree for thirteen years, what do you think I know about… about… sex?” Iruka was pure indignation.
“A lot now.” Kakashi sullenly replied. “This is so unfair. I just want to… kill something. Not having sex is so frustrating.”
“Well,” Iruka sniffed, “It's your own fault for lying to me.”
“I didn't!” Kakashi threw up his hands, “I just didn't tell you it was sex and a nice way to say thank you.” Iruka shuffled further away. “Aww… Iruka-kun, don't be like that…” Kakashi frowned. “Fine. I'm going to go kill something, and I hope there's a lot of make-up sex, or, by the gods, I'm going coming back and buggering you brainless regardless of what you want.” He stalked out of the room.
 “::sniffle:: I'm not a virgin anymore…” Iruka pouted in his corner. Suddenly, he sat up. “Wait… if I don't feel any different, how do I know I'm not a virgin? What the hell is a virginity anyways?” As he pondered that he suddenly came upon a realization, “I think I really like sex with Kakashi, why the hell am I so mad at him?”
 
“Alright,” Kakashi stormed into the throne room. “KAI!” There was a loud gasp as Anko was revealed.
“Damn it!” She shrieked, “You foiled my plans!”
“You have deprived me of sex for the foreseeable future.” Kakashi advanced with a flaring chidori, “You are so DEAD.” He pushed the chidori through her chest. It burned a hole right through the considerable amount of cleavage, leaving little bloodspatters all over Kakashi's sleeve. He sighed, “It's always so messy.”
“Ano-sa!” The entire court turned. A naked blonde was in the middle of the court.
“Um, and you are?” Kakashi was tired. Iruka was depriving him of sex. He hadn't killed enough things to make up for the lack of sex.
“Ah,” the blonde man blushed, and covered as much of himself as he could, “I'm Naruto… Iruka-nii's brother…”
“Oh, the fox!” Kakashi snapped his fingers, “That's right. Sasuke!” Sasuke stalked into the throne room. “Here's Iruka's brother, I want you to get him some clothes before the ladies of the court faint.”
“Sa,” Sasuke glared at Kakashi, completely ignoring Naruto, “get someone else to do it; I'm not a slave. I'm looking for Kitsune…”
“Right there.” Kakashi pointed. Sasuke looked. Sasuke looked away with flaming cheeks.
“Not funny, Kakashi.” Sasuke hissed. “That is a very naked… man.”
“That's your Kitsune. Apparently Anko was the sorceress who made him into…” Kakashi paused. He could get some thankful make-up sex out of Iruka if he hurried with this information. Sasuke was left with no explanation, a courtroom of confused people and a naked, blushing blonde.
“Uh…” Sasuke blinked.
“Hi,” Naruto said weakly, “I'm Naruto… but Kitsune was a cute nickname I guess.” He paused, “Not very original, but a cute nickname.”
“Why are you naked?” Sasuke asked, his eyes darting everywhere else but the blonde.
“See… that's a rather long story… can I tell you later?” Naruto looked down at himself, “when I have more clothes?”
“…I'll see if I have anything in my closet.”
“Thanks,” Naruto said, “And while we're being awkward, sorry I licked you.”
“…” Sasuke stared, forgetting Naruto was naked.
“…and next time, don't try to bathe me. The water was freezing and really, really hard to get out of fur.”
“What do you mean next time?” Sasuke finally found his voice.
“Can we just get some clothes?” Naruto asked, “I'm a little naked here.”
“I…” Sasuke swallowed hard, “know, I can see.”
“Right, so can everyone else.” The two men made their way out of the throne room, Sasuke draping his cloak over the blonde as they went.
“I am soooo jealous right now,” a random court woman exclaimed, “there's sure to be a lot of hot, steamy, man-sex in this castle tonight.”
“I'll send my best spy to tape it,” promised a random baroness.
“Make enough copies, and you'll be a rich woman,” a duchess said fervently.
 
“Kakashi!” Iruka flung his head back in ecstasy.
“Mmmm, Iruka…” Kakashi mumbled into Iruka's collarbone. “Lets get married, so you can be my sex slave forever.” He gave a particularly strong thrust, and managed to hit Iruka's prostate as Iruka opened his mouth to reply.
“Yes, yes, yes!” Iruka was not actually replying to Kakashi's question, but Kakashi took it as an affirmative answer anyways. They had celebrating marriage sex, followed by angry denial sex with a smattering of guilty make-up sex and just plain old sex.
 
 
Needless to say, they lived Orgasmically Ever After.
 
Er, Happily Ever After… happily.