Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Thicker than Blood ❯ Vengeance Written in Blood ( Chapter 4 )

Thicker than Blood

 

Disclaimer: the characters are not mine!

 

Chapter Warning: Angst… angst… and just in case you haven't had enough… more

angst!

 

A/N: please note that Sasuke's POV occurred on the same night that Sakura made her final decision .More specifically, right after Sakura went through the door.

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Chapter 4: Vengeance Written in Blood

 

Sasuke…

 

Who does she think she is trying to fool?

 

I heard the bedroom door click to a close, signaling her departure. I opened my eyes and was greeted by the eerie shadows that swayed along with the window drapes. Faint beams of moonlight peeped through the thick curtains even though they were drawn together. The lampshade beside the bed was within reach but I had no intention of turning on the lights just yet in case she decided to come back. The room was ghostly cold despite the warmer that was installed in the corner.

 

It had been oddly chilly in our place… ever since the first time she left me for her nightly trips and it got even colder every time she returned. I have a strange feeling the environment wasn't the only thing affecting the temperatures of our home.

 

She went though the door again and I let her leave…

 

Again.

 

To where, I don't know. With whom, I don't care. For what reason… well I was not that insensitive not to notice my own wife's discontentment with our arrangement. I may be a lot of things, but I was most definitely not that senseless and overlook her late night disappearances the way she thought I would.

 

I knew this would happen. I anticipated it all along even before we got married. I knew she would not be satisfied with what I give her and that she'd want more from me. I knew she would feel miserable, imprisoned within the terms of our marriage.

 

But I still let it happen…

 

Why?

 

I asked myself that question countless times and I found many answers… or should I say… many excuses… to that riddle, but only one made sense.

 

I was selfish.

 

…

 

I rolled on my back and reached for her side of the bed as I stared flatly at the ceiling. Her side was cold and empty, exactly what she was inside. She had lost that vibrant aura that was distinctively hers. She was lifeless, unresponsive and yielding, the fiery tempered Sakura was gone… replaced by the innate phantom that dwelled on her shadows and fed upon her misery.

 

She barely even smile at me anymore and on the rare occasions that she does, it lack the warmth that used to radiate from her. Her touches are no longer affectionate, her caresses are without sincerity and the way she look at me…

 

She looked at me with obvious regret in her emerald eyes.

 

She lived life one day at a time and did everything in routine, as bare and as hollow as an empty gourd. Gone were her childlike characteristics, her annoying curiosity… her irritating sensitivity… her nauseating notion to care…

 

The very things that endeared her to me...

 

She was unhappy, depressed and disheartened.

 

I made her into splitting image of myself.

 

…

 

I ran my fingers through the sheets where her body laid just a moment ago. Even though she was numb from the world and distant from reality when we did the act, I managed to capture the hint of sweet strawberries that was her unique scent. Her feminine presence lingered in the darkness of our room and suffocated me with emotions that I never expect to feel. I sensed the softness of her skin even though it lacked warmth and her delicate features were carved on my mind, try as I might to erase them.

 

I heard the front door - ever so slightly- creak open and close with a soft click… and once again, she was out of my reach. I pulled myself up and sat on the edge of the bed. I saw the shadows against the walls more clearly, taunting me for being so weak in many aspects. A strange feeling made my stomach churn and I held a shaking hand to my chest… to calm the unknown force that squeezed at my heart.

 

I had a nauseating feeling that it was my conscience, the fickle friend I often wish I never had.

 

She wanted love, but it was a luxury I cannot give. It was true that I married her for reasons less than what was normally expected, but even then, I did care for her in ways that I never cared for anyone else. She was someone special to me, if it amounted to anything at all… and I married her because I wanted her, for whatever purpose it may serve.

 

Nobody held a knife at my throat. Nobody threatened me. No one on earth could have possibly forced me into this marriage… if I did not want it myself.

 

I could never tell her this though, that was unique in my eyes. I could never show her what kind of hold she had on me…the hold which I painstakingly tried to avoid…

 

But caught me anyway.

 

So I pushed her away, as far away from me as possible. I built a wall of sullenness to keep her out and locked myself in it. She reached out but I ignored her attempt. She called to me but I played deaf. She pounded on the wall with her fists and I turned my back on her.

 

I don't want to be held. I don't want to be embraced. I don't want to be loved.

 

She thought I did all these things simply to hurt her.

 

Little did she know… that behind the prison I built for myself… underneath the mantle of insensitivity I carry… behind the dispassionate mask I wore…

 

I too was hurting inside…

 

Because I couldn't bring myself to give her what she wanted from me.

 

I couldn't.

 

Because everything that I held dear, everything that I treasured and everyone that I loved…

 

Died…

 

This was the burden I was forced to carry… to live my life in solitude, never knowing how to accept love in all its wonderful forms and give the same in return. It was the predicament I was given, on that fateful night when I was forced to witness the merciless reality called `life'. My young, immature mind was traumatized beyond healing, when I saw the people I love die by the hands of someone I too loved.

 

It was a long time ago, but it still haunted me in my sleep. I saw the shadows of my clan dropping to the ground like dead fireflies everywhere I look, on the street… in the forests… at my own house. I smelled the coppery scent of blood tainting everything in a bright color of vermilion… as if it happened only yesterday. And I saw his eyes, mocking me for my weakness… because I couldn't save the people I love.

 

Since then, I viewed love as a curse… the bane that runs though my blood… and I was afraid that if I love her the same way I did them…

 

She would meet the same ending they did.

 

…

 

I walked to the window and gently parted the drapes with one hand. The moonlight illuminated the dark room in a bluish hue and forced the shadows to retreat to one corner. I was engulfed by the ethereal light coming from the heavens, shying away the dimness in my soul, making me feel at peace for one brief second. I stood there by the window and craned my neck, straining to catch a last glimpse of pink against the shadows of the night… but she was out of my sight, in more ways than one. I pulled the drapes back together and just like that… I was back within the confines of darkness.

 

I pushed her away, for her own protection. But I fear I may have pushed her too far…

 

Straight into the arms of another man.

 

Another man…

 

I ignored all the signs even though they were trampling on my dignity and slapping me right on the face. I smelled the masculine scent on her skin even from across the room. I felt the heat from her blood even after she had taken a shower. I sensed the fire flowing through her veins. Stronger even, once she climbed back to the bed she and I shared.

 

But the stench of another man was getting too strong to ignore anymore and all the signs were becoming clearer.

 

I wiped the sweat on my forehead with a shaking hand as anger started to overwhelm my emotions. I clenched my jaws together and fought for control. Adrenaline pumped through my veins and I felt my heart race with rage. My hand itched for something to break… and my mind instantly thought of her pretty little neck. It connected to the wall of our bedroom instead, creating a huge crater in the middle. Pieces of crumbled cement fell down on the floor and the whole house quivered with the intensity of the blow it received, but that was nothing compared to what I would have done if she was within view.

 

How dare she do this to me!? Is this how she shows her love for me, leaving me in the middle of the night for the embrace of someone else?!

 

I practically told her up front that she could expect no love from me but she insisted! I never forced her into this mess! I gave her every chance to say `no' but she didn't!

 

She didn't!

 

The stubborn fool still chose me… saying how much she cares for me… how much she loves me… but now she's running around in the middle of the night to meet her damned lover!

 

My breath grew ragged and shallow and my sight darkened with fury. I pounded on the wall over and over again but still it wasn't enough. I knew I was making a disturbance and waking up the entire street but I couldn't care less! I needed to get all this frustration out of my chest and if that meant tearing down the whole house, then I will.

 

All this was her fault! I laid out my cards and told her my intentions. I told her not to expect anything from me!

 

She brought all these misery… all these despair…

 

She could blame no one else but herself!

 

A choke was trapped inside my throat and my eyes misted with tears but I held it back. I told myself I would never cry for her… the fool who betrayed my trust. I gave the wall one last punch before leaning my back on it. I put both hands on my head in a pathetic attempt to hold back the tears that threatened to escape.

 

I refused to cry for her! Never for her!

 

I was shaking from all the resentment that coursed through my body and the ache in my heart intensified tenfold. I shook my head and tried to think clearly but I couldn't… not with all the anger that wanted to be released. I lifted my head up and pounded it on the wall behind me… over and over again but the throbbing pain in my head won't quit.

 

So I let my aching soul engulf me and I accepted it without a fight. The pain was unimaginable, worst than any physical torture I have endured. It tore me up from inside out. I felt betrayed, cheated and deceived in the worst possible way.

 

I let it torment me… until I have reached the threshold of pain… until I couldn't feel any of it anymore… until I grew numb from it all. I calmed down the nerves that raked through my body and took a long deep breath. It somehow managed to calm my emotions long enough for me to think… and I took this chance to reflect on the true source of my anger.

 

I thought to myself…

 

If she was the one to blame for all this…

 

If she brought this misery upon herself…

 

If all this was her fault…

 

Then why do I feel so guilty?

 

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I put on my boxers and paced around the room nervously, trying to shake off the unwanted feelings from my body. Minutes passed by like hours as I waited for her return. My mind was in chaos, asking questions that have no answers, leaving me more confused and more stressed out. I glanced at the crater in the wall I had created out of frustration and gave a feeble smile.

 

“I will have to find an excuse for that one when she gets back.” I thought to myself.

 

Are you sure she's coming back?

 

“Of course I'm sure, she always does.”

 

What if she doesn't?

 

“Then I will find her and drag her back home…”

 

What if she wanted to stay with him?

 

“Who?”

 

Her lover…

 

“Then I will kill him… then drag her back home…”

 

…

 

You don't even know who he is…

 

…

 

I smacked my head on the wall once again to silence the thoughts of my mind.

 

Dammit Sasuke, you need to know!

 

But do I want to know? I wasn't exactly sure.

 

It was one thing to learn that my wife was cheating on me, but a completely different notion to actually confirm it with my own eyes. Somehow, a small part of me still believed that the Sakura I married was not capable of this deception. Innocent and sweet little Sakura would never do this to me.

 

It was like this every single time, a conflict of mind against heart, and it felt like I was waging war against my inner demons.

 

A bead of sweat dropped down from my forehead and I balled my hands into a tight fist. I parted the drapes again and looked out the window, for the fifth time this night. The path she took suddenly became clearer, tempting me to follow my instincts and seek her out. I clutched at the curtains and my knuckles turned white as I battled against the part of me that wanted to know the truth while the other half wanted to stay in the comforts of darkness.

 

I gave a loud sigh and place my hand on my head as I made my decision. I knew I was going to regret it later but I couldn't care less anymore.

 

I closed the drapes again and made my way across the room, straight towards the mahogany closet where my uniforms were hung. I let my fingers trace lightly at my ANBU uniform, my jounin vest and my usual attire of dark blue shirt with the Uchiha fan symbol at the back. My weapons were laid out neatly, shuriken, kunai and various tags and summoning scrolls were piled up in order while accessories and bags hung from the closet door.

 

Sakura prided herself for her tidiness.

 

I pulled out my stealth clothes, black turtle neck and dark pants and contemplated for a moment if I should bring my weapons. I picked up a black kunai and twirled it around. It glided smoothly between my fingers, almost like it was a part of my body and the cool metal gave me some sense of comfort. I tucked it inside my belt and headed for the window.

 

A strong wind blew the drapes open and the curtains fluttered wide with an invitation for me to go outside. I crouched at the window sill with hesitation, but I pushed the uncertainty behind and gracefully jumped down to the ground without even making a single sound. I glanced back up the window… the window where I looked out so very often, waiting for her to come home.

 

I turned around and forced my attention back on the path before me. The moonlight illuminated the road with conviction, as if I was fated to tread though it this very night.

 

I took one step forward… and another step…and another…It was too late to turn back now.

 

It seemed to me that at last… after all the pain and torment I went though while awaiting her return…

 

The demon inside me finally won.

 

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edited: nothing too drastic

 

Next chapter: Twice is too Much