Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Things Naruto Characters Would Never Say ❯ Never Say Pt. V ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Naruto Never Says V

Disclaimers Apply!

-Any of the Ninja: (Being held at gunpoint, trembling and whimpering) "P..P...Please d..don't hurt me... I... I'll do w..whatever you say..."

-Naruto: *Thinks out loud* I'm going to piss on myself!
-Shikamaru: WHAT???

-Ino: I need breast implants.

*Itachi humping Sakura on trampoline*
-Haku walking up street: GO ITACHI!!

-Anko:I love you Sailor Mercury!
-Sailor Mercury: I love you too Anko!
*The two start making out*

-Jiraiya: Just call me "The Little White Albino Thing"

-Shikamru: Ino? Why is your face white?
-Ino: Its because I whack you off while you're sleeping.
*Shikamaru passes out*

-Gaara: *singing* I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm really really gay! (ala Animaniacs "I'm mad")

*Kakashi sitting on couch with his shirt off drinking a beer*
-Sakura: *Rubs Kakashi's chest* Oh Kakashi lets make passionate love.
-Kakashi: Ok
*They go upstairs and start having sex*
-Hinata: Kakashi, Sakura, I'm hearing scary noises...OH MY GOD!!!
-Sakura: Do you want to join us?
-Hinata: Oh Sakura you don't know how much I've wanted to have sex with you!

-Iruka: Lets all become Sailor Senshi!
-All: YAY!!!
-Iruka: We'll call it TRAGICMOON
-Konohamaru: I'm Sailor Ninja
-Zabuza: I'm Super Sailor Demon
-Naruto: I'm Sailor Chibi Shinobi
-Gaara: I'm Sailor Sand
-TenTen: I'm Sailor Chibi Nin
-Tenmari`: I'm Sailor ChibiChibi
-Haku: I'm Super Sailor Chibi Death
-Tazuna: I'm Sailor Old Guy
-Kabuto: I'm Sailor Mirai Slave
-Sakura: I'm Sailor Chibi Sugar
-Sasuke: I'm Sailor Short Guy
-Kakashi: I'm Sailor Tall Guy
-Shikamaru: I'm Sailor brown Ninja
-Jiraiya: I'm Sailor White Albino Thing
-Shino: I'm Sailor Weakling
-Neji: I'm Great Sailor Water
-Asuma: I'm Sailor Fat Ass
-Kurenai: I'm Sailor Absorb You and Become Stronger.
-Obito: I'm Sailor Transexual
-Villagers: We're The Sailor Village Girls
-Anko: I'm Sailor Eat A lot of Sushi
-Rin: I'm Sailor Laugh-a-lot
-Ino: I'm Sailor Bitch-a-lot
-Tsunade: I'm Sailor Bitch even more
-Itachi: I'm Sailor blink and Kill You
-Orochimaru: I'm Sailor Lipstick
-All: We Will Punish you

-Naruto: Isa be attend a unarvarsity is ummer
-Kakashi: Huh???
-Naruto: I'm attending a university this summer you idiot!
-Kakashi: OK

-Naruto: SEXYSEXYSEXYSEXYSEXYSEXY JUTSU I started to Sexy Jutsu but I forgot to stop.

-Neji: I just discovered I'm really a Horse *laughs out loud*

-Orochimaru walking: I'm walking to New Orleans (ala Fats Domino)

-Kakashi: *trips and falls down stairs* AAAAHHHHH!
-Naruto: OH MY GOD Kakashi!!!...Can I have your Sharingan Eye?

-Naruto: When I look at people I see candy.*Sees Shikamaru* OOH FOOD!!!
-Shikamaru: OH SHOOT NOT AGAIN!!! (ala Who wants to be a zillionaire)

-Shino: I'm the Snakelight...from Black and Decker.

-Itachi: I'm Itachi Bravo the one man army!!!

-Asuma: I have no muscles.

-Zabuza: Hey Haku do you want a joint?
-Haku: Sure Zabuza

-Rock Lee: I'm really short.

-Sakura: I have huge boobs!!!

-Itachi: I love you Kakashi!
-Kakashi: I love you too! *The two start making out*

-Naruto: At last my ultimate creation...#69er

-Ino: GO LONG Rock Lee *passes football*
-Naruto: Interception by Hinata...TOUCHDOWN!!!

-Sakura: I'm open Sasuke
-Sasuke: *passes basketball*
-Neji: *Catches ball*
-Sasuke: SLAM DUNK!!

-Shikamru: Pikachu I choose you!!
-Naruto dressed as Pikachu: I hate you Shikamaru.

-Kakashi: I look like Rambo with this headband!

-Gaara: *lying on couch naked*
-Neji: *Lying on floor naked*
-Gaara: I told you not to fall off!
-Neji: Sorry Gaara *cries*
-Gaara: Its Ok Neji you can get back on.
-Neji: OK *climbs back on top of Gaara*

-Orochimaru Washing dishes in a pink lace apron: **cockroach runs across floor**
AAHHHHH a bug kill it, kill it Fire Jutsu!!!!! **Fries cockroach**
MMMMM **Eats cockroach** It's crunchy. **sound of Itachi's frying pan on
Orochimaru's head**

-Kakashi: F**K YOU SAKURA!!!
-Sakura: I'd love to...when? Where? And How?
-Kakashi: Right here, right now, missionary style.

-People in CA: EARTHQUAKE!!!!!
-Naruto: Shoot I fell out of bed again!

-Shikamaru with head stuck under couch cushion: I can't find the friggin thing!
-TenTen: Hurry Shikamaru it's almost dinnertime for my Pooky *pooky is TenTen's teddy bear*

-Sasuke: Just promise you'll never tell mom about this, OK.
-Itachi: I wont, I never want to stop having incest sex with you.

-Anko: *running around in Sailor Mercury's dress* These miniskirts are so
comfortable!
-Sailor Mercury: *runs down stairs in Anko's uniform* Gimmie back my
damn skirt!!

-Iruka: I...can't have...multiple...orgasms *Cries*

-Kakashi: I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you!

-Asuma: Wow! I think I see hair growing. Oh wait, its just lint…

-Gai: It's not easy being green…

-Sakura: Who wants to go out and make some trouble?

-Iruka: Hey Naruto I'm horny .

-Hinata: Beans, beans the musical fruit. The more you eat the more you toot.

-Kakashi: Hey there La La (teletubbies)
-Naruto: Dammit stop calling me that!

-Kakashi: Chicks dig scars.

-Itachi: Keep your eye on the birdie now say cheese !

-Kakashi: CHID.......now what was that last part?

-Iruka: Take this job and shove it!

-Sasuke: Maybe if I wore pants I wouldn't get my leg hair singed.

-Itachi: Would ya look at that? It says "Kill" on the back of my shirt.

-Shikamaru: It's true I am Tuxedo Mask.

-3rd Hokage: Why did I buy a car?

-Kakashi: Well, I don't know how to fix this crazy thingamajig.

-Sakura to Sasuke: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

-Itachi to Kakashi: I know its gross but I can't stop thinking about you.

-Ino: Who wants bacon?

-Hokage: Kiss my wrinkled white butt!

-Zabuza: My mom says violence is wrong and by golly I'm gonna listen to her.

-Neji: I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but I think unicorns are kick ass.

-Gaara: Ino, do you like movies about gladiators?

-Rock Lee to Gai: Up yours green giant!

-Kakashi to Sakura and Naruto: Have fun battling evil you two!

-Tsunade: Okay who's the prankster that put Nair in my shampoo?

-Sakura: Sasuke You're cheating on me? With who? C'mon I can see you under the covers. Huh? Shikamaru?!!

-Orochimaru: Grab me by the balls and make a wish baby!

-Sakura: No Gaara, I am not Videl Sassoon so stop calling me!

-Jiraiya: Excellent idea old chum. We will venture down to the planet Earth, destroy the homosapiens, then consume the planet's recourses. Splendid, simply splendid.

-Tenmari: Oh crap I'm married to the president of the Lollipop Guild.

-Kakashi: Gray skies are gonna clear up. Put on a happy face!

-Itachi: Whew good thing I can't get stronger!

-Itachi :If I would have picked that dress, Kakashi would have accepted me.

-Shikamaru :Tenmari!!! Where's Tsunade's lipstick?
-Tenmari: In our room, be careful to not disturb her and Sakura!

-Iruka: No, no ,no. You have it on wrong, Hokage.

-Itachi:But Kakashi, didn't you tell them about us yet?
-Kakashi:And ruin our wedding? I don't think so.

-Naruto: Kakashi, orange just isn't me. I've gotta have the pink one.

-Sasuke: Naruto!! Where's the cord?!
-Naruto:In your pocket.
-Sasuke:Were you looking at it again?
-Naruto:Possibly...

-Gai:But Kakashi you promised me.
-Kakashi:It's just not working out for us.

-Sakura:Sasuke, I thought you loved me.
-Sasuke:Nah I was just using you. Neji!

-Itachi :Welcome to the gay family, whereas I and Kakashi are the parents..
-Kakashi :It's Kakashi and I, get it straight you gay, geez..

-Iruka :When do I get paid for being here?

-Itachi:okay I wake up and I have no boyfriend, and now I have two Kakashi's?
What's going on?

-Sakura :Kakashi, I'll help ya' dye it again. This time we're going lighter.

-Ino:To get it that blonde, you've gotta drink the Clorox bleach.
-Tsunade:So that's your secret?

-Itachi:I am having a good day....
-Zabuza:Look for the PMS truck on your way out.

-Naruto:Kakashi, you told me that my thingie's too small..
-Kakashi:I know..Itachi's better sized..

-Jiraiya:There's no place like my bathroom..There's no place like my
bathroom....

-Tenmari:Give it a rest!

-Gaara:The Congo's two miles north..I'll see you tonight.

-Iruka:Where's my lacey one Asuma!!

-Sasuke:Fire..fire..fire..fire...Explosion at the next exit!!!

-Iruka:You're sexy Naruto..

-Sasuke:No,no,no,no,no. Try it again..Lift the leg higher..
-Sakura:it can't go any higher..

-Shikamaru: Legs spread wide open...

-Sakura: Naruto get going. You don't want to be late for your midnight
orgy!
-Naruto:Should I wear green or blue?

-Gai:I hate green...

-Sasuke:Bald man strikes again...
-Gai:Cue ball gets head smashed into wall...

-Shikamaru:I just can't seem to get on Kakashi's good side,EVER.

-Iruka: In case of an emergency, my head has been designed as a floatation device.

-Asuma: Look at my bulging muscles you girly girls! (ala Hans & Franz)

-Naruto: I'm not overweight! I'm....undertall.

-Kakashi: *shows up with a chicken leg in hand* Always when I'm eating!

-Jiraiya: I wanted to join the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but nooooooooooo! That Splinter guy wouldn't have it! Too violent, he said! You're not a turtle, he said! But I'll show him!

-Kakashi: Chidori!
-Sakura: Kakashi!!*Sakura hits Kakashi in the head with a frying pan* How
many times do I have to tell you, to open the door, just use the doorknob!!

-Gaara: Daaa Bears
-Neji: Daaa Bulls!
-Gaara: So who do you think would win in a fight, Naruto or Coach Ditka?
-Neji: Coach Ditka.
-Gaara: Whoa whoa, hold on. What if Naruto WAS Coach Ditka...?
*The three indulge in some deep thought* (ala SnL)

Still more to come…