Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ To Find Warmth In The Snow ❯ Chapter 14 Memories ( Chapter 14 )

Chapter 14

Memories

 

I woke with a jolt. Beads of sweat dripped off my forehead.

The rain was still pitter-pattering in the background.

I looked around quickly and realized I was still in the hospital.

Taking a deep breath I laid back down resting against the soft pillow.

My dream had been so vivid.

The emotions and the physical pain had been so tangible.

I could still feel the ache of my scars and the hard wood floor beneath my back.

I'd moved out of the Uchiha estate after that incident.

I'd never really wanted to live there after my family died but it was to show Itachi that I wasn't scared by what he'd done and would still claim what was rightfully mine.

But I couldn't stand to be there after that.

To see my blood stain on the old wooden floor along with all the others. Like I was already dead.

I remembered very clearly the times after that as well.

The very next time I saw Naruto was after I'd come out of the hospital.

He showed up on my doorstep.

“Sasuke,” he said as if amazed to see me, “I'm glad to see you doing so much better.”

“Hn.” I'd replied.

“I was wondering if- Hey!” he cried as I slammed the door in his face.

I couldn't stand to be around him.

Not one bit.

Being around him was absolute torture as I've said before because…

It's so hard to resist him.

Hard to not just pull him into a tight hug and tell him everything.

So I tried to stay away from him, at least, at first.

After a year or so of avoiding him completely I tried to just think of him as a friend. Tried to use up all my energy sleeping with other people so I could talk to him like a sane person.

Those moments were the best. Even though our friendship would never be the same as it was before the year of alienation. I was still so happy just to be around him.

Happy that he would still try to understand that even after I'd slammed doors in his face call him horrible names and refused to look him in his eyes that there was hope for something more.

That's why I'm so glad he's not like me. He sees the hope in everything. If he were like me, he would have given up a long time ago.

I remember the night when he asked if I would go out with him

 

It was cold and I was walking briskly down the newly deserted streets to his apartment.

I was hoping that I would find an open bar to buy myself some sake first. Partly because I knew it would warm me up and partly because I needed the confidence that only alcohol could give. To smooth over all the rough edges.

I couldn't find any.

I was walking up his stairs now my heart pounding like it always did when ever I was around him.

I knocked on the door and he answered it quickly.

“What do you-”? He started before he really looked at me.

“Hey.” Was my only reply.

“Hey…what is it?” he asked looking at me ruefully.

“Well…”

 

*Oh yeah wasn't I supposed to think of a reason for being here? I tried to think quickly*

 

“Can I borrow five dollars?”

His face dropped visibly.

“WHAT?!?!?”

“Well, I'm a little short on money, I'll pay you back.”

He sneered.

“Yeah, yeah come in.” He said turning into the dim apartment.

I saw him pick up his adorable frog wallet and pull out some money, which he handed me.

“Thanks.” I near whispered but I didn't want to leave yet.

Instead I decided to use this time to talk to him about how weird he'd been recently. It seemed like his exuberant and bubbly personality had fizzed out. I didn't have the chance to talk to him about it earlier.

“You've been…weird lately.” I started awkwardly while staring down at the money, “I'm sure you've heard this a billion times but…” I couldn't find the right words in my jumbled head, “You can talk to me, dobe.”

He froze in place staring at me before nodding slowly.

I nodded back and, because I couldn't think of anything else, moved towards the door.

I had just barely started reaching for the doorknob when Naruto grabbed my other arm

I turned quickly looked at him hearing my heart increase and feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

“Sasuke…” He started.

“Sasuke, I…I really…Like you a lot.”

My body, on the inside nearly exploded at the news. My heart and my mind battling. My heart wanted to grab him and kiss him but my mind was desperately trying to remind me of what Itachi had said.

“I have for a while,” he continued, “and… would you go out with me?”

My heart was pounding. This time his words required response.

I tried to make sense of my churning emotions enough so that I could answer him.

He smiled at me and that made my already chaotic mind go to total anarchy.

But I remembered very clearly Itachi's words. I remembered very clearly what Naruto would look like dead.

That image had never faded. And it still made me shiver.

I knew the answer I needed to give. Not the one I wanted to give. But the one that would best for the both of us. Or, so I thought.

“No.”

“What?” he asked in shock.

“I'm your rival and your teammate. It's disgusting to think of us as any more than that…No.”

I knew I was quoting Itachi, but I didn't take the words back. I knew how much the words had hurt me and if I could hurt him enough to where he would stay away from me we wouldn't have this problem anymore.

But the only problem was, I didn't want to hurt him.

I was about to turn to leave again but he stopped me and pulled me towards him.

I tried not to look directly in his eyes. I didn't want to see what I knew would inevitably be there.

Suddenly, he pulled my face towards his and tried to look deep into my eyes.

I was forced to look at the pain and inner turmoil I'd caused him.

It hurt.

But I kept my veneer in place.

“What're you doing?” I asked raising an eyebrow before pushing him away.

He didn't try to stop me again and for this I was glad.

The feel of his too warm hand against my skin… I just.

I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment.

Everything and nothing at the same time.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it closing my eyes.

“I'm sorry, I…” I whispered to myself, “I really like you too.” I instantly regretted saying the words out loud.

If someone heard….

But then again I wanted to say them.

After that I ran to the nearest open bar and drank myself into oblivion.

 

I heard the soft sound of someone landing gracefully in my hospital room and I opened my eyes to see Iruka half-hidden in the shadows.

The academy teacher was the last person I'd expected.

“Can I help you?” I asked suspiciously.

He walked forward the moonlight, dimmed only by the rain, illuminating him.

“You…slept with Kakashi.”

I stared at him for a moment before answering.

“Yeah.”

“Was it his idea or yours?”

“It's always been mine. Have no qualms about forcing myself on someone.” I replied coldly.

He nodded.

The room silenced for a while before Iruka spoke again taking another step towards me.

“Sasuke, what are you doing to yourself? You're a mess. No one wants to see you like this. This is part of why Naruto left isn't it?”

“Iruka,” I started quickly turning to him.

“Yes?”

“Get the hell out of my room.”

I watched his demeanor change form concerned teacher to pissed off ninja. But I didn't care. He wouldn't have been able to hurt me even if he wanted to.

I knew that I was scaring off the last few people who gave a damn about me. But I didn't care about that either.

I didn't care about anything.

I watched Iruka as he stood there glaring at me before he disappeared.

I turned my head back to look out the window. It was still raining.

I'd never understood that saying `when it rains it pours' but I think I do now.

When bad things start to happen they happen a lot and they happen to everyone.

Staring out of the window I gave my silent hope that Naruto was okay.

I then turned on my bed and tried to go to sleep.