Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ To Win Her Heart ❯ With or Without You ( Chapter 2 )

Sakura stared out the window of her second floor apartment, watching for Kakashi to pass by on his way from Tsunade's. She was anxious to see him. She'd been feeling particularly disturbed since the teashop experience, and she needed his comforting presence.

She'd been waiting for hours now with no sign of him. Any elation she'd felt at spending a romantic night with him had long since dissolved as her thoughts on today repeatedly assaulted her mind and broke down her jubilance. Now she was irritated, anxious, and depressed.

'Where are you Kakashi?' She silently asked for the hundredth time in minutes only to be answered by another round of better-forgotten memories and speculative thoughts.

Five years ago they'd told her Sasuke was dead. They told her his body was unrecoverable, destroyed, her only consolation that he took the snake with him. It had been speculated that Sasuke had killed Orochimaru but lost his own life in the process.

Instinctively she'd sought out Kakashi for comfort; he'd obliged. That was how their relationship started, a comforting friendship that had grown into more.

The silver haired jounin had been so protective of her that day, so understanding. Here she'd been dating him a year, came crying to him over an ex-love, and he couldn't find it in his heart to be jealous or angry. Well, at least if he was he hadn't shown it. He'd just held her in the circle of his arms, soothing her, and let her cry.

Sakura couldn't help but smile at the memory. Kakashi seemed, without a doubt, too good to be true. In fact, it was kind of scary how perfect he was. He always knew when to argue, how much to argue, when to acquiesce… These past three years he'd proven to be no less than ideal.

How many times had she toyed with him in attempt to unbalance him? Played the part of a spoiled child to bait him? Sakura rocked back on her feet; hand over her mouth in attempt to suppress her chuckling. 'Too many.' She thought biting back the urge to outright roar with laughter.

Her mind could clearly see his reaction to her childish pranks. His head would slightly cock to the side, and his eye would narrow minutely, as if to say, 'are you serious?' the instant before he realized he was being toyed with. That was all the reaction she ever got, and it always disappeared as quick as it had come.

Ever the faultless ninja he never tipped at her attempts to unbalance him. He always managed to block and counter every type of assault she'd throw at him. Her brow furrowed and she turned her mouth down in frown. It was annoying really.

'He's just too damned faultless.' She mentally griped. There was never a time he wasn't perfect. Even in sleep he looked perfect. She resisted the urge to tsk in frustration. Sometimes she wished he'd drool or snort, or something. Anything to make him less than the infallible man he was.

She had faults abound, but he… He was absolutely flawless. He was a perfect lover, a good friend, a comforting presence… And he was so damned good looking.

More than anything though Kakashi was her comfort and her strength, something she could curl up next to and rest peacefully by, a warm glow on a cold winter's night. But... 'It's not enough.' Her inner voice whispered.

She hated that thought, but it was true wasn't it? If Kakashi was everything she needed then she should feel content. Right?

But as much as Kakashi meant to her, as much as she loved him, and she did love him, something was missing. She yearned for something more.

'But what?'

---

Ino slowly woke to Sasuke's tossing and turning. She didn't alert him she was awake, just tuned into his movements. It was the same every time she was with him. It seemed he never got any sleep. She heard him loudly exhale; it was a resigned sigh, one that said he'd given up on rest for now. She felt the bed dip as he got up.

For most normal people it was too early for sleep, the sun was still shining, and night was still a good few hours away. But she and Sasuke were anything but normal. They spent a good deal of their time in bed, as much sleeping as not. Well… more not. Daylight or night they did as they pleased, and normally it pleased them to roll around between the sheets.

Inwardly, she smirked, delighted with the images her thoughts brought to mind. It was a wonder he wasn't able to sleep; he'd absolutely exhausted her. She repressed a giggle at the last few hours' memory. She didn't want to seem a coy little schoolgirl, but really he'd been quite amazing. He always was.

She had no idea she could be this happy. A year ago she'd have sworn she loved Choji; she'd been happy enough with the portly fellow, but not like this. This felt right. This was where she belonged. Sasuke needed her, and it felt so nice to be needed, to feel that important to someone.

He'd been so traumatized when she first came to him a year and a half ago, and now, though he still had a lot of trouble with bad memories and horrible nightmares, he was much more his old self - if less cold. And it was because of her.

She watched as he slipped on his black pants, leaving them to hang loosely from his hips. He scuffled lazily to the window running his hands through his passion-mussed hair. She smirked proudly at that. It had been her hungry hands that had tousled it so thoroughly.

She could clearly see the scars on his wrists and back as the sunlight reflected off his ivory skin. He hated those disfigurements. He never left the house without wrapping or taping his arms and hands. He didn't like people to see them.

In her opinion the scars only enhanced his already beautiful body. They added extra mystery and interest to him. 'As if he needs it.' She mentally scoffed. He never would tell her what caused them. Lord knows she asked often enough. He'd never tell her though.

---

Sasuke leaned against the windowsill, head bowed and eyes squeezed shut in attempt to chase away the nightmarish thoughts pounding in his mind.

'Why can't I just forget? Why?'

The same nightmares that haunted his sleep, or lack thereof, played in his mind now. The screams of dying comrades, the sight of demons ripping apart young boys and girls… He chased those memories away only to be replaced by Orochimaru's cursing as Sasuke commanded Manda to kill him. There were always more memories to chase away the others. The worst, the one that left him shaking in a cold sweat every waking morning was his brother's death. That played in his head almost constantly. It haunted him so, probably always would.

Killing his brother was nothing like he'd thought it would be. He'd cut a gaping hole in his brother's chest, puncturing a lung, leaving Itachi gasping for breath. He held his brother to him as he struggled to breath. Sasuke whispered to him over and over again how sorry he was, tears streaming down his face.

After he'd landed the killing blow he'd regretted it. His mind recalled images of being carried on his brother's back, of training together, of moonlit talks… 'I killed my brother.'

He'd apologized profusely to Itachi, calling him niisan, something he'd sworn never to do again. But this was his niisan and he didn't want him dead.

Sasuke grasped the sill with white knuckles, silently pleading with his mind to let him forget if even for just a moment. As usual his beseeching bore no results, and the grisly image continued to repeat itself in his mind.

It was strange how Itachi's atrocity seemed to fade into near nothingness against his death. Of all his family members, while they were living, none had ever been as close to him as his brother, except possibly his mother. But even her death hadn't hit him as keenly as Itachi's. Perhaps it was because Itachi's death came at his own hands.

Sasuke had clutched his brother to him in a fierce hug. "Please don't die. I need you. I've always needed you. Please niisan… stay." He'd whispered hoarsely.

It was then Itachi reached up and touched his cheek. He'd even smiled. And his lips moved in speech. Sasuke couldn't hear his brother's words, but he didn't need to. With trepidation in his gut he knew what his brother said. He could see what he was saying. 'You're healed otouto. I'm proud. The clan can be saved.' And then he died, his hand falling heavily from Sasuke's face. Sasuke had keened then, the first time since his clan's death.

Almost violently he pushed himself away from the window and roughly dragged his hands through his hair. 'What the fuck did that mean!' His brother's last words puzzled the shit out of him, and that pissed him off no end. He wanted to kick something, smash something, hurt something!

He paced back and forth across the room, swinging his arms and flexing his hands. He needed to run. He grabbed his discarded shirt from the floor, slipped it on and strode toward the door.

"I have to get out Ino." He spoke softly, keeping his face averted. He didn't want her to see the crazed rage in his eyes. She was getting to know him too well, and it was becoming that he couldn't hide things from her anymore. "We'll get dinner when I get back." He promised before bolting out the door.

---

Sakura didn't like not talking to Sasuke. He'd always been important to her, and though she was with Kakashi it didn't mean she shouldn't be friends with the dark haired genius.

'Just friends?' Inner Sakura asked, inadvertently summoning Hinata's words to mind. 'Your eyes are always on Sasuke.'

That statement still pissed Sakura off, and she clenched her fists in memory of it. Hinata had totally misinterpreted her staring today. She was trying to see if he still gave her the butterflies like he used to. If he still stirred her heart like he had in the past. She'd been testing herself, not ogling him like the dark haired girl seemed to suggest.

Except that Sakura had been ogling him, she'd failed the test. Sasuke had made her stomach flip flop. She'd gotten jittery and excited at the sight of him. He was hot, and there was still a spark inside of her that longed for him, a big spark.

Really though, it wasn't just his looks that drew her gaze. He was one of her old teammates, her biggest crush, and a good friend that had protected her many times. He was someone she'd entrusted her life to countless times, and invested herself in emotionally.

He'd been more to her than a mere childhood crush. He was her first love. The one she swore was and always would be the love of her life. She had always, always, wanted him.

How many times in the past had she envisioned Sasuke kissing her, Sasuke moving deliciously over her, Sasuke's breath ghosting over her ear as he whispered her name in pleasure, Sasuke holding her tight after a passionate exchange?

'Several times.' She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Sasuke.

She wanted to taste that which she'd always hungered for, touch what her body had always craved, and have what her mind could never forget. She wanted Uchiha Sasuke, and not instead of Kakashi, in addition too.

Sasuke was a bright burning fire, beautiful and hypnotizing, but too bright to stare at long, painful to touch, and too hot to get close to. He was an unstable inferno… dangerous.

Kakashi on the other hand was a warm glow, solid, handsome, peacefully luminescent, comforting warmth, something you could curl up next to and rest peacefully by. While Kakashi certainly could burn bright, his overall character was loving and subdued. She liked that.

Sasuke was an adventure, a thrill seeker's delight. Kakashi was… well… Kakashi was home. She wanted Sasuke to be sure, but she needed Kakashi.

It was selfish and unreasonable to want both men so shamelessly, but want them she did. And a sense of foreboding settled over her like a dark storm cloud at the thought of it. Involuntarily she shivered.