Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Tonsou Ninja ❯ A Tough Decision ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the names, places, or events affiliated with it.

I lean back in my chair, staring at my reflection in the soup still left in the bottom of my ramen cup. Inside it floats a single scallion and I slowly swing the cup from side to side and watch it move in different directions.
I think the question over a few times, trying to see if there was a way around not messing this up completely but so far I have drawn a blank. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make and the Kyuubi’s taunts aren’t helping me think any better.
“What’s the matter? Don’t think you’ll be able to handle it?” and “Are you afraid that you’ll have to use me and lose control of your body?” seem to be the highlights of his speech, not like I'm thinking about that as an option or even a possibility.
Trying to ignore him is impossible because he can get into my thoughts. And since thinking was what I needed to do, I guess I will have to deal with him.
I look through the hollow doorway that leads to my bedroom. It’s a mess, the blankets are hanging off the edge of the bed and my clothes are sprawled all over the floor. If someone were to make a hole in it, I’d fall right through without knowing what was happening. There is a dark-rimmed square on the wall where a poster of a girl in a bathing suit had once been hung. But things like that don’t interest me anymore, I'm more interested in the real thing. Thereare crumpled up pieces of paper scattered on the floor as well where they poured out from the overflowing garbage can.
The living room/kitchen isn’t much neater. The sink is at least clean but that isn’t hard to maintain because all I eat nowadays is cup ramen which are stacked up on the counter. There are books scattered all over the place, most of them contained jutsus I have been trying to learn. Someare on strategy, as I found that mine seemed to be a bit weak, and others were from Tsunade-sama who thought studying leadership was important if I wanted to become the best Hokage the Konoha had seen. I guess she was right, but how should I have known?
The fold-up table that served as my desk and dining room table was cluttered with papers, some of which bored brownish stains from when my clumsy hands had knock over my ramen.
I hear a knock on the door and I look around lazily. “Come in.”
The door slides open and I see Iruka-sensei standing in the doorway smiling. I guess he isn’t really my sensei anymore, I am a Chuunin after all, but it just seems easier to call him that.
“Hello Naruto,” he says.
“Hi,” I reply half-heartedly. I’m too busy lost in my own thought to be excited, so instead I down the rest of my soup.
“Tsunade-sama told me about what happened earlier.”
“Who didn’t hear it?” I ask as I throw my cup to the other side of the table.
“Well I guess everyone in the village heard about it, you two were a bit loud. I was just worried about what you’re going to do next. I know the decision is up to you, but I don’t want you to make one that won’t suit you.”
“No matter what I do, it won’t suit me. I’ll lose my dream or a teammate either way so it’s not like it matters. But if I choose to go, I could be risking both.”
“There are plenty of other shinobi willing to look--”
My laughter stops him mid-sentence. “Do you actually think they care? To them it’s just another mission. They want practice so they’ll become better and I’m sure some of them want to become Hokage, which is the only reason they’d do it. They know how much this mission means to the old bat."
"And to you," he adds. But the truth is that no one in this village could really care about something like that, no oneI know at least.
“I’d offer you a seat, but as you can see, it would probably be easier to stand.”
“It’s okay,” he replies.
I look up at the ceiling, reflecting on what Tsunade had told me earlier that day.
“I’m sorry, but it cannot be helped, I will not allow you to go on this mission. Your connection with the target is too strong and could affect your decisions.”
“But I have to,” I told her.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but if you do, I will have to suspend you indefinitely.”
I remember hanging my head, staring at the ground, wondering what to say next. “Why would she do that?” I finally decidedwas the right question to ask.
“Sakura had her own reasons I’m sure. As you may remember, she was frustrated, confused, and sad when Sasuke left. It is obvious that she got too impatient and went to retrieve him herself.
“Normally I would send you, but there is no way to tell how she would react to you. My guess would be that she might consider you an enemy for not bringing back Sasuke in the first place. I’m deeply sorry,” she said in a sincere tone and I knew that was that. She wouldn’t fight about this any longer and I was screwed.
I phase back to the present time and remember that Iruka is still there, quiet, perhaps watching me, waiting for me to say something that he can respond to. I lean forward on my chair and hear the loud bang as the front legs collide with the floor. I stand up and walk over to the couch, pulling off the books so there is room for Iruka to sit and I pull my chair across the room so it is facing the couch.
Iruka has already sat down by the time I look at him.
“I don’t understand why Sakura-chan would do that? Just get up and leave. She didn’t even tell me,” I finally say.
“I know it’s hard to understand, but you have to realize that she likes Sasuke a lot, and those feelings brought her to that decision.”
“But Sasuke has never done anything for her. She’s willing to risk her life for someone who doesn’t even think about her.”
I could see that Iruka was at a loss for words by this. This was the truth and there wasn’t anything that could prove it different. So instead he stares at me for a while.
“And what about you? Look, I know how you feel about her,” he said, seeing that I had gone silent. “It isn’t hard to tell. But trust me when I say that it wouldn’t be wise to go after her. She is a great medical ninja and we need her, butgoing after herwon’t change her feelings for you. Her heart is dedicated to Sasuke and it isn’t likely that she’ll even treat you like a friend if you try to bring her back.”
“But leaving her just means she’ll be killed. I don’t want that to happen.”
“There will come a time when you have to realize that you and her will never work out. And I’m afraid to say you will have to move on. There are other girls out there that I’m sure you’ll find are just as good, if not better than Sakura. It would just be risking too much to go after her.”
I had never been angry at Iruka before, maybe frustrated because he expected so much out of me but now I can feel anger welling up inside me. “So you’re saying that she isn’t worth anything? That she’s just another tool like myself?”
“No no, you misunderstood me,” he says, waving his arms in front of him. “I mean that I think it’s time you move on, try going after some other girl you have a better chance with--oh that didn’t come out right,” he says, pushing back the sides of his face with his hands. “But listen, your dream was to become the Hokage, do you really want to risk that dream for Sakura? And there’s a chance she won’t be alive even if you do reach her. And then you will have wasted your future for nothing. Is one person really worth your entire future?”
I stand up but remain where I am. “Maybe you’re right, but someone once told me that sometimes you have to break the rules, even if it means compromising the mission. Tell me, do you think he was wrong?”
He looks at me strangely, not sure what to say but I know what he wants to say. “Believe what you want,” I say harshly. “But I won’t risk the life of my teammate because of some stupid dream, a stupid mission. This isn’t about me anymore, it’s about my friends, and my friends are worth more to me than any mission.” I turn to the door and walk out, making sure to slam it shut as hard as I can. I can hearthe woodcrack and know Iwill have to fix it eventually, but now isn’t the time.
I head down the stairs and out into the street. I'm not really going anywhere in particular but I know the person I am looking for will come to me.
It only takes ten minutes before I see him sitting on a fence, reading his book. “It’s been a while,” he says closing the book and replacing it in his knapsack. "Sorry I never really got caught up with you after you came with Jiraiya." He jumps down from the fence and takes a seat on the bench under it, gesturing for me to do the same.
I do and he begins to talk. “Well I’m sure there’s not much to say, no matter what I say or do, you’ve already made up your mind. So why don’t you tell me what your decision is.”
“I actually haven’t decided yet,” I responded earnestly. “I want to do this, I want to go find her, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I was talking to Iruka-sensei--”
“I know, I heard everything. And I thank you for what you said. But when I told you that, back when we first met and you hadn’t even become a Genin, I said that for a reason. It wasn’t because you had to know that or because I knew that you would one day need to use that, I'm not that smart; it was because of my personal experiences. I figured that by telling you, you wouldn’t make the same mistakes. It was my attempt at making a difference.
“But I never thought it would come down to something I said. But you aren’t me, you won’t make the same mistakes as me. If you haven’t listened to anything I’ve told you, about teamwork, about anything, listen to this. Our choices and our abilities affect who we are. I was foolish enough to get one of my teammates killed by my poor choices but it is you who decides what happens. No one can tell you what to do. No one can stop you from making a choice that will affect your future. You choose what to do, and I’ll support you every bit of the way.”
I looked down at the ground and smile. “Thanks Kakashi-sensei,” I say as I stand.
“I guess that means you’ve made up your mind?”
“What do you think?” But I didn’t wait for his reply, I had a mission to get ready for.
Just finished updating this chapter; for some reason I didn't notice that everything was in the past tense which makes everything I wrote sound stupid.