Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Under the Sea ❯ Chapter 1

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: What can I say, other then I'm really, really sorry. To everyone. I do not take the blame. I blame those that inspired my muse to misbehave in this manner. I do not own the characters, the plotline, or much of anything in this equation.

----

Deep beneath the sea, there is another world. A world filled with wondrous creatures never seen from the land. Far from the waves, there is a kingdom completely separate from humans. And in this kingdom, it is time for a celebration.

Neiji glared at the band. He glared at the king. He glared at the audience. He even glared at the narrator. “Why am I the crab?”

It's called typecasting. Get to work.

“But did you have to actually turn me into a crab?”

I happen to like crab, especially with drawn butter, so if I were you, I'd shut up and start conducting.

Batting his long hair away from his face with a claw, Neiji lifted his baton. On the down beat, the Sound Four leapt into a raucous rendition of “Cherry Pie”.

The mermaids that were supposed to emerge singing instead emerged glaring. Sakura crossed her arms under her seashells. “I'm not singing to this. Especially wearing nothing but a bra made of crustacean body parts.”

Tenten and Hinata grumbled in agreement, while Ino smirked. “You're just jealous because I can actually fill my seashells out, forehead girl.”

“Ino-pig!”

Ladies, knock it off! Somebody has to cue the really big clam in the middle.

Tenten glared at the band, still rocking out to 80's hair metal. “And how are we supposed to do that?”

Make something up! What kind of kunoichi are you?

“Got it.” Sakura pulled her gloves on, wicked grin in place. With one blow she turned the clam centerpiece into rubble, showering the audience and band with shrapnel. The Sound Four screeched into silence, ducking down to avoid the worst of the blast.

Tenten gave Sakura a high-five. “Nice shot!”

As the water cleared, it was revealed that no one was inside the shell. King Gai grabbed his chest, dramatically rushing from his throne. “Lee! My adorable pupil! Where are you?”

----

Far from the celebration, Princess Lee was roaming the ocean with his trusted friend, Chouji.

“Eh, still better then being the crab.” Chouji stuffed a fin full of brine shrimp into his mouth.

“How can you eat at such an exciting time? We are on an adventure!” Lee tugged at his top. “But my seashells are not staying in place.”

“Well, you don't really have anything there to hold them in place.”

“Good point.” Ignoring his wandering costume, Lee pushed on. There was a sunken ship up ahead, and he was certain that there would be many youthful treasures from the surface!

The friends slipped into the wreckage. Right away, a bit of silver caught the Princess's eye. “Chouji, look here!” Lee scooped up the metal tool, careful of the sharp edges.

“Cool. But what is it?” Chouji wolfed down another mouthful of shrimp.

“I do not know, but our youthful friend Naruto will know!”

Lee swam on, hunting for more treasure, while Chouji froze in the water. He was picking up on someone's chakra, and it wasn't friendly. “Hey, Lee?”

The Princess was spinning some star shaped tool around his finger in wonder.

“Oi, Lee, I think we need to get out of here.”

“What is the matter, Chouji?”

“I'm picking up some chakra, and it's not very friendly.”

“Do not worry!” Lee pulled himself up into a good guy pose. “With the powers of youth, we will be safe!”

Chouji rolled his eyes. “How are the powers of youth going to save us from a - shark!”

“Huh?” Lee spun around to see a set of sharp teeth bearing down on him. “Kisame? Well, I guess he does fill the roll very well . . . “

Move it, Lee! It's gonna be a really short story if he eats you on page two!

With a strong kick of his tail, Lee shot through the water, escaping from a bloody, messy, and inconveniently timed death. Behind him, Kisame swung around, grinning manically as he charged again.

“Spinning meatball!” Chouji's red and green fish form suddenly expanded to the size of an efficiency apartment and started to spin. Lee and Kisame were knocked aside in a rush of displaced water.

Lee righted himself and went for his bandages, only to realize he didn't have them. “What?”

Yeah, like those would go with the outfit.

“But, I need them!” Lee hugged his arms. “I feel so naked.”

You're wearing nothing but a seashell bra, and you're worried about showing your arms?

“But . . . “

Having you on display is going to lead to more views and comments. Take one for the team.

“Yes, Narrator-sama!” The Princess dove back into the fray, dodging the spinning fish as he homed in on the chains scattered across the sea floor. If his bandages were not available, he would improvise! Hauling the heavy chains with ease, he waited for Chouji to race past with Kisame right on his tail. The chains looped around the fish-man, binding him tightly as Lee grabbed him from behind.

“Primary lotus!”

The pair crashed into the sea floor, driving Kisame's head into the sand. Lee left him there, neck deep in sand and surrounded by chain. “Chouji?”

“Yo!” The fish spun to a stop and returned to his usual, pocket size with a pop.

“Are you all right?”

“Sure, as soon as the spins stop.” Chouji listed to the side for a second before righting himself and inhaling another snack.

“If we hurry, we can catch Naruto before he takes off for the afternoon.” Lee took the lead as the pair swam towards the surface.

----

On the surface, resting on a small island, Naruto was occupying himself.

“Miso ramen, pork ramen, chicken ramen, beef ramen, mushroom ramen . . .”

“Naruto!” Lee popped above the surface and waved to his friend.

“Hey, Lee! How's it hanging? Ah, damn, I lost count.” Naruto tossed his paper aside. “I just know too many kinds of ramen.”

Chouji bobbed alongside Lee. “Wait a minute. Why are you human, Naruto? Aren't you supposed to be a seagull?”

“Yeah, well, every time the narrator tried to make me into a seagull, I came out bright orange, so I'm off the hook!”

“Is that all it took?” Chouji studied his red and green fin.

Forget it, fish boy. You look cute. Back to work!

“So, Naruto, what can you tell me about the things I found today?” Lee dumped his bag out, letting his treasures tumble out.

“What do you mean, what can I tell you? You know how to use these. Hell, you're damn good with a kunai.” Naruto scratched at the back of his head.

“Naruto,” Lee hissed. “You are supposed to explain how to use these, because I'm a princess that has never been on land, remember?”

The orange clad shinobi started snorting with laughter. “Princess Lee.”

Water hit the snorting shinobi, courtesy of a belly flop by Chouji. “Don't piss the narrator off. Just get this scene over with.”

“Okay, okay.” Naruto wiped the water off of his face. “So, this thing's called a kunai, and I usually use them to pick out my teeth.”

Chouji sank beneath the water with a gurgle.

“Really?” Lee studied the deadly weapon. “I had never considered that.”

“It's great! You get a sesame seed stuck, and these suckers will just pop them right out.”

“Hmm.” Lee studied the weapon as it was handed back to him. “That could be useful.”

“And shuriken, well, they've really got only one purpose. Shuriken tag!”

“Shuriken tag?”

“Sure! Me and Sauske used to play it all the time before the bastard took off. You've never played shuriken tag?”

“No.” Lee tugged at his seashells. “I had always considered them a weapon.”

“Shuriken tag is awesome. When I get together with friends, all it takes is someone tossing one and it is ON!” Naruto grinned broadly as he handed the star back. “You should try it sometime.”

“Perhaps I can play with Tenten and . . . oh, no! The concert!”

“Concert?”

“There was a concert today, and I forgot!”

“You forgot something like that, bushy brows? I figured you'd be there an hour early.”

Lee sighed. “Well, I did not really forget it, but my character did. Evidently it was very important that she miss it, even though I know King Gai will be very disappointed, and I would never truly do something like that . . . “

Yo, princess, get back into character!

“Yes, Narrator-sama!”

And quit calling me that. You're not in Japan!

“Oh! Yes, Ms. Narrator!”

Naruto leaned over to whisper to Lee. “She's kind of a bitch, isn't she?”

I heard that, brat. I can change my mind on the whole seagull bit.

“Okay, princess, you're late. Get going!” Naruto gave Lee a shove under the water.

Lee took off for the palace as fast as his fins could push him, Chouji racing after him.

----

In a deep, dark part of the ocean, purple eyes watched the black haired man as he raced home.

“Pathetic.” Orochimaru glared at the bubble showing the princess and his friend. “Racing home to a half-assed celebration in a plot that makes no sense with these characters because the narrator got lazy and stole an idea from an over-sized talking mouse.”

Like you didn't jump at this role.

“I have no intention of following this pathetic excuse of a plot. I will burn Konoha to the ground.”

It's underwater, genius.

“A minor detail!” The sannin glared at the ceiling. “I will destroy this village and steal the trident that you so foolishly put under that weakling's care. With that I will be able to repair my arms and continue my pursuit of every jutsu known!”

Hey, so long as you're getting into the character, go nuts.

“Kabuto! Sasuke!”

“Right here! Right here, Orochimaru!” One eel raced into the center of the room, peering through his glasses.

“Suck up.” A second eel drifted in, glaring with his sharingan eyes.

“You two will watch the weakling's student. The plot will revolve around him. He is the key to the destruction of Konoha.”

----

“Lee, where were you? Sakura destroyed your clam!” Gai posed in front of his throne, brandishing his trident. “Were you on a youthful mission?”

“I am sorry about your concert, King Gai! I was gathering research on the shinobi that live on land!”

“And what have you discovered during your important and determined research?”

“I found some weapons, and I had Naruto explain to me how they were used, King Gai.”

“Excellent, my pupil!” Gai switched to the good guy pose. “And how is the youthful Naruto?”

“He is excellent, King Gai, and still human!”

Guys, you're supposed to be fighting. Gai, get mad at Lee.

“Why would I get mad at Lee? His valuable and determined hard work will lead to new techniques to master!”

He's not supposed to go to the surface.

“Why not?”

For the love of . . . Forget it. Lee, I don't ever want to hear of you going to the surface again, is that clear?

“But, Naruto invited me over for ramen . . . “

Is that clear?

With a quiet sniffle, Lee turned and raced out of the throne room, still accompanied by Chouji.

Gai glared at the ceiling. “That was not youthful.”

“He'll get over it.”

The King looked around before spotting the crab sulking on the back of his throne. “Neiji! I did not see you there.”

“Nobody can see me since someone turned me into a midget crab.”

I repeat: drawn butter.

“But Neiji, are you sure that Lee will be all right? She was very harsh with him and his ninja way.” Gai reached back to pluck the crab from his hiding place and pulled him around to the front.

“He'll be fine.”

“But someone should watch him, to keep him out of trouble. Who knows what that cruel narrator will do to him if he goes to the surface again?”

Neiji shrugged two sets of shoulders. “Who cares?”

“Of course! You are his youthful teammate! You can watch him!”

“What? No!” Neiji started swimming backwards, trying to get away. “He has Chouji to watch him.”

“Yes, but who better to watch him then his very own eternal rival!”

“Forget it! I'm not chasing him all over the ocean!”

“Neiji, I am assigning this to you as a B-rank mission. Keep Lee out of trouble with the narrator.” Gai had his best no-nonsense face on.

Recognizing defeat, Neiji sulked out of the room and set off to find Lee and Chouji.

`This is ridiculous. I should be training and plotting the demise of the main house, not caught up in some ridiculous fairy tale.' Neiji activated the Byakugen, sweeping the area. `There he is, heading towards some cave full of junk. I should just knock him unconscious and lock him in there.'

Still growling about cruel fate, the crab-nin used some chakra to boost his speed. At crab speed it would take hours to get there, and he just wanted to get this ridiculous scene over with. With a flurry of jointed legs, claws, and black hair, he zipped into the cave just behind Lee and Chouji.

“Yo, Neiji.” Sucking on a lollipop, Chouji studied the crab that had crashed into a stack of spears when he realized how hard it was to slow down in water.

Lee spun around. “My eternal rival! But I thought your entrance was after the musical number.”

“Musical number? Are you kidding?” The crab in question pulled himself from the rubble.

“Of course! A youthful proclamation of my dreams and goals!” Lee struck the good guy pose.

“I am in hell.” Neiji pulled his head back into his shell as the music swelled.

The music continued to build, before slamming into “Dude Looks Like a Lady”.

What the hell? Did you guys even look at the score?! I'm looking for a beautiful, moving song, not one about cross dressers!

The Sound Four continued to rock out.

Screw it! Skip the musical number.

“Oh, but I trained very hard for this part.” Lee looked crushed.

Skip it. Cue the ship!

The light dimmed as something moved overhead, blocking out the sun shining through the cave's very convenient skylight. The Princess looked up, excited smile returning. “Let's go!”

Neiji huffed a sigh of relief at dodging the musical number before he realized that his mission was taking off without him. “Lee! Wait!”

Lee sliced through the water, relentlessly driving himself towards the surface. `If I do not reach the surface before the fireworks start, I will swim one hundred laps around Konoha without using my tail!'

Once on the surface, the Princess was treated to a display of fireworks. The sky exploded in brilliant colors, reflecting on the ocean.

Chouji bobbed up alongside him, sucking away on his lollipop. “Wow. This must be a big chunk of the special effects budget. Who'd they get to sail the ship? Did they bring in shinobi from Wave country?”

“I do not know. They did not post the cast anywhere. We can go check.” Without a second thought, Lee took off for the ship. Behind him, a small, cranky crab surfaced. With a snarled curse, he took off after the hot blooded lead character.

Lee tucked Chouji under his arm and scaled up the side of the ship using just his other hand. At a port hole he perched on a piece of the hull that jutted out and set the chubby fish on his lap so they could both peek inside.

Standing on the deck, staring out at the ocean, was obviously the Prince. While everyone else ran around in stereotypical sailor uniforms, one man was dressed in a poofy white shirt, snug pants, and tall boots. His red hair fell to his shoulders, and sand moved around his feet.

“No way.” Chouji almost choked on his lolly as he gasped. “How did she get him to play the Prince?”

“Gaara? The Kazekage is the Prince?” Lee stared, slack jawed. “Wait a minute, the Prince is a man?”

“They usually are.”

“But, I am the Princess, and I am supposed to fall in love with the Prince!”

Chouji rolled his eyes. “You didn't think something was up when she cast a man as the Princess?”

“I will admit, I did think it was a bit odd, but I am willing to trust the narrator's youthful judgment! If she wishes for Gaara to play the Prince, then I will play the Princess to the best of my abilities!”

“It's not real life, you know. You don't have to actually fall in love with him.”

Can it, Chouji!

The fish flinched and scrambled to recover. “But he looks really good in those pants. I mean, I'm straight as a board, and I'm staring.”

Lee let his eyes slide down, away from the tumbled hair, and quickly found what his fish friend was talking about. “Oh. Wow.”

“Yeah. Who knew that was hiding under that gourd?”

“What'cha guys looking at?”

A startled squeak from Chouji was muffled by the quick moving Lee, even as he swung around to face the threat. Instead he found Naruto, standing on the water and staring up at them. “Naruto! What are you doing here?”

“I was heading back to my island after catching some ramen for dinner, and bumped into Neiji.” Naruto held out the sulking crab. “What's going on?”

“We were checking to see who was cast as the Prince. But keep it down, they are not supposed to know we are here.”

“Cool.” Naruto walked up the side of the ship to join them at their porthole, Neiji sitting on his shoulder. “They got Gaara? Hey, cool. I haven't seen him in ages. Oh, man, look at Kankuro. That is the most retarded costume I've ever seen!”

Lee clapped a hand over Naruto's mouth. “They will be able to hear us! We need to quietly observe.”

The hyperactive shinobi nodded his head, earning his freedom. “What's with that big bundle over there?”

----

“Yo, Gaara!”

The Prince slowly turned away from the ocean, his green eyes narrowed. “Kankuro.”

The puppet-nin, minus his usual slathering of makeup, stumbled across the deck. Growing up in Suna had not exactly given him sea legs, and he was constantly pulling at the stuffy, lace trimmed suit he had been forced into. “Happy birthday, kid! It took me forever to find you something, but I came through for you. Take a look!”

A large bundle was pulled into the middle of the deck and uncovered. Gaara stared at it, unblinking.

“You need one. Every Kage has one. And I figured, why have the same old standing there pose as everyone else?” Kankuro clapped his brother on the shoulder, ignoring the way the sand was jumping around. “Think of it as advertising.”

Before them was a statue of Gaara. With no shirt. Or pants. He was commanding the sand swirling around his ankles, arm raised, decked out in just his boxers. And a come hither smile.

The crew of Konoha shinobi stood and stared. Iruka clamped his hand to his nose and disappeared below deck.

“No need to thank me. It's my job to make sure my kid brother gets laid. Just send any excess ladies my way and we'll call it even.” Kankuro batted at the lace around his wrist. “Damn costume.”

“Kankuro. I do not need assistance.”

“The hell you don't! Have you even managed to hit a home run yet?” There was a loud rip, and Kankuro was free of some of the lace.

“I have no interest in those women. They are weak and annoying.”

Some more lace was ripped off and tossed overboard. “I'm not saying you need to make friends, I'm saying you need to get laid! It doesn't take a top ranked shinobi for that. But it's a nice bonus if you can get a jounin ranked kunoichi. They are damn flexible.”

“If I find someone that I wish to do that with, I will. But not before then.”

“Damn, you sound like a hopeless romantic.”

Gaara gave his brother a dark glare.

“Um, guys?” Genma leaned over the rail, switching his senbon to the other side of his mouth. “Anyone just pull a nasty little jutsu out?”

“No.” Gaara joined him at the rail. “Why?”

“Because we've got a hella' nasty storm coming out of nowhere!”

“Ah, fuck!” Kankuro yanked the last poof of lace off, taking most of the collar to his shirt with it, and ran to help pull down the sails. “It's probably the damn narrator again!”

“Doesn't matter who it's from, we can sink either way!” Genma grabbed the rigging on the main sail, trying to get it down.

The wind hit the ship like a battering ram. The sails were only half down, and the shinobi were tossed around like rag dolls as the storm took control of the equipment. The wheel was spinning free, and Gaara ran to take control of it. He was rapidly losing control of his sand in the drenching rain. His armor was actually being washed away in places, even as it tried to rebuild itself. The weight was dragging his arms down, slowing him.

The ship bucked, knocking down one of the many lanterns. The open flame rolled into the remaining fireworks. With a thunderous explosion, the fireworks detonated. Shinobi were tossed from the ship to struggle in the water before getting their chakra directed to their feet so they could balance on the waves.

Flying debris hit the Prince, and the sand was too heavy to stop the blow. He was thrown from the ship. When he hit the water he immediately went under, dragged down by the remnants of his sand armor.

On the other side of the ship, the Princess jumped clear with Chouji in tow. Naruto and Neiji had also jumped clear, slamming into the water a few hundred yards away.

Holy crap, he's sinking like a rock! Lee, get your ass over to the other side! I'm going to get into so much trouble if I drown the Kazekage!

“Yes, Ms. Narrator!”

Lee released Chouji and dove under the water, searching through the sinking rubble to find the redhead. He saw a flutter of white, falling rapidly. He pushed forward, putting all of his determination and strength into it. He had to reach Gaara and get him back to the surface!

He grabbed the Prince under his arms, heaving against the combined weight of the man and the remnants of his armor. His muscles burned under the strain but he pushed on until they burst through the surface of the water. Gaara slumped against his shoulder, breathing but unconscious.

Lee's heart skipped a beat before he remembered that Shukaku was no longer an issue. His only concern now was the haul the Prince to safety.

----

In the grey light before dawn, Princess Lee laid next to Prince Gaara on the beach, studying the unconscious man.

“I have not seen you in years, Gaara. Not since you died. How did you end up as the Prince? I hope that you are not seriously injured. If you are, I will run across the beach on my hands fifty times! I wonder how you have changed. You are probably stronger. Of course, since you are the Kazekage now! You are in the full springtime of youth! I wish we could spar again. That would be a wonderful training opportunity! What would it be like to face you again?”

On the water, Naruto dropped Neiji off on a rock on his way to the ramen stand. The crab glared at the Princess, who was doing exactly what she was not supposed to be doing. Of course.

“Gaara!”

Lee's head snapped up, looking at the shinobi running towards him. “Oh, no! He is not supposed to see me yet!”

Green eyes opened, catching a glimpse of moving black hair to go with the constant stream of words. By the time Gaara sat up, his rescue party was gone. Kankuro came thundering up the beach, skidding to a stop with Karasu in tow.

“Where have you been? Everyone has been freaking out, and Temari's just getting nasty with that fan of hers!”

“The sand dragged me under the water.” Gaara looked around. “A man pulled me from the water. He never shut up.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Kankuro gave his little brother a pat on the head before pulling him to his feet. “Let's go before Temari actually kills someone.”

Unnoticed by either of the men on the beach, wide black eyes watched them return to the palace.

“Yo, Lee.” Chouji bobbed to the surface next to the Princess. “Next time you take off like that, give me a warning! I've been looking for you everywhere!”

“Sorry, Chouji.”

“So, what are we watching?” The little fish slurped down an oyster.

“Gaara.”

“Okay. Why are we watching him?”

“I saved him from drowning.”

“No kidding. Looks like the narrator's pulling out all the stops to make this story keep going.” Another unfortunate oyster met its demise. “So, what are you going to do now?”

The music swelled, strains of Aerosmith filling the air.

Either read the score or knock it the hell off!

“I am going to spar with him. There has to be a way. I am not sure how, but I will find a way to face him again and show him how much I have advanced in my ninja way!” Lee struck the good guy pose.

Chouji made a face. “So much for the love story.”

Close enough.

Lee sighed. “Let's go, Chouji. I have considerable training to do if I am going to face Gaara again!”

----

And in the darkest part of the ocean . . .

“This must be some sort of a joke. This melodramatic piece of dribble is so obvious.” Orochimaru glared at his all seeing bubble. “Sure, he just wants to spar. Of course he's not interested in the Prince in that way. Did the narrator have a single original thought, or did she rip off every cliché known to yaoi authors everywhere while she was mugging the oversized rodent?”

Lee's obsessed with sparring. Not my fault. And if you haven't noticed, none of these damn characters are doing what they're supposed to. It's taking every trick I can think of to keep pushing this thing along.

“Even if it fits into your pathetic excuse for a plot, I will use King Gai's student's new obsession to my advantage. I want that trident.”

Well, duh. Why do you think I made a trident with healing powers? So you'd try to get it.

“Your plan will backfire, narrator. I will heal my arms, destroy Konoha, and become the most powerful shinobi in history!”

Which one of us is melodramatic?

“Don't you have some characters to go abuse?”

You're just jealous that I get to play with all of the pretty boys.

----