Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ What He Wants ❯ Part 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Part 4

 

 

Genma and Asuma have been speculating about Kakashi off and on since Iruka joined them two hours ago. They know he was taken in for questioning by T&I, but they have no idea why. Their theories run the gamut from the plausible to the outrageous, but they don't hit anywhere near the truth. Iruka is glad. They don't bother asking Iruka for his opinion, because they don't seem to think a mere chuunin would know anything about the goings-on of the Great Copy-Nin. But they are friendly enough to him, and refuse to let him pay for his own drinks. Iruka smiles and downs glass after glass of dark, bittersweet brew.

 

Genma, who knows Iruka a little better than Asuma, finally says, “You're awful goddamn quiet tonight, `Ruka, somethin' up?”

 

Iruka grimaces. He hates it when people shorten his name. “I'm just tired. It was a long day.” He'll have to watch his tongue, what with all this alcohol. Iruka knows he can be a very talkative drunk. Luckily for him, he feels too drained to make the effort to run his mouth tonight.

 

“I know what'll cheer you up,” says Asuma, grinning around his ever-present cigarette. “That waitress has been making eyes at you all night. You should take her home, work off some of that stress, Iruka-sensei.”

 

The thought of sleeping with someone who is not Kakashi fills Iruka with numb horror. He wonders if the feeling is completely artificial. On autopilot, Iruka hears himself laugh and say, “I don't think I have the energy to get it up. She'd just be disappointed.”

 

“There are jutsu for that, you know,” Genma says, his lips slyly grinning around a senbon. “Want me to teach you, Iruka?”

 

Asuma snorts. “Genma's got all the sex jutsu, of course.”

 

“You and Kurenai haven't complained about the lube jutsu.”

 

Asuma's eyes glaze a little, a faraway look on his face. “No, no complaints there,” he murmurs.

 

Iruka doesn't want to know. “Maybe some other time, Genma-san. I'm just not in the mood.”

 

Genma shrugs. “More poon for me, then.”

 

Iruka gives a humorless chuckle and stands up. His legs feel slightly unsteady. “I should get going.”

 

“Tomorrow's another day of teaching pre-pubescents how to become emotionless murderers, eh, Iruka-sensei? Hope you don't get hungover.” Genma salutes Iruka with his beer, only spilling a drop or two.

 

Ordinarily Iruka would politely object to this classification of his teaching position, but he isn't feeling the necessary verbal aptitude. Besides, the description is not off the mark. Iruka remembers that he actually won't be going in to teach tomorrow, won't be doing anything productive for who knows how long, and is almost depressed enough to sit back down and drink some more. Instead, he returns Genma's salute and bids good-bye to Asuma, and trudges toward his apartment.

 

The beer hasn't really helped anything, beyond making him somewhat numb and his brain a little fuzzier. He didn't even get buzzed, just tired and cranky. And now he's going home to an apartment where Kakashi won't be cooking dinner, or reading smut, or feeding his nin-ken, or anything else, and maybe never will again. Maybe none of that ever happened in the first place. Reality is thin and fragile as an onion skin.

 

***

 

Iruka can't sleep at all that night. His thoughts and memories of Kakashi plague him, keeping him second-guessing himself over and over. He misses the man horribly, and telling himself what he feels isn't real does nothing to alleviate the ache. Iruka has always felt too much, and he's never regretted it more.

 

Shiko haunts him as well. He feels humiliated, thinking about her. He and his fucking compassion, indulging the mental-case, pitying her, saying what she felt was an obsession with no basis in reality, and all the while he was the one who was deluded. What a fool he must have seemed, and how painful it must have been for her.

 

The cold, shocked numbness Iruka has been feeling since he visited the hospital begins to wear off in the early hours of the morning, to be supplanted by a rage like he's never known before. It isn't his usual inferno; it is a thin blue line running from his guts to his brain, like the edge of a sword. He feels icy and calm instead of feeling like his chest and brain will explode if he doesn't start yelling. He isn't sure what the result of this new rage will be, whenever he finds an outlet for it, but he is sure it won't be pretty.

 

Eventually, the dawn begins to curl its golden fingers beneath his shades, so he gets up and pulls on his uniform. Just as he is fastening his hair tie, there is a knock on his door. His heart leaps for a second as his first thought is Kakashi! But he knows there's no way, even if Kakashi has been let out of T&I's holding cells, that he would be allowed within a hundred feet of Iruka. Iruka's not sure what the hell he could say to Kakashi right now, anyway. Even as he feels love for the man spreading his ribs, he thinks he could cheerfully rip out Kakashi's fingernails for putting him through all of this.

 

Iruka opens the door to see the pretty pixie face of Tatsumaki Shiko, her wrists in lightweight casts, looking at his doorstep nervously. Her eyes snap to his face. “I'm so sorry to bother you this early, Iruka. Iruka-sensei,” she corrects hastily. “I…Hokage-sama visited me herself, told me that Kakashi's been locked up and that you know everything now.”

 

Iruka gives a snort at that. Whatever it is he thinks he knows is now under suspicion. He doesn't know anything at all.

 

“Iruka-sensei, I'd like to talk to you, if that's okay. May I…come in?” Her face has grown stoic but her eyes are furtive, pleading.

 

Iruka doesn't want to talk to her, but he knows he owes her at least an apology, and probably more than that, if everything the Hokage told him is the truth. He nods curtly and stands aside to let the stranger inside.

 

She settles familiarly on his couch as though she's sat there many times before. A rush of shame causes Iruka to bow deeply. “Please forgive me, Shiko-san. I've treated you abominably and caused you pain. If--”

 

“No, please stand up, Iruka! I don't need an apology from you; none of this is your doing. I only…I thought you might have questions.” She sounds pained.

 

Iruka straightens up and leans tiredly against the wall, looking into her eyes for a few moments before staring at his feet. “Hokage-sama said we are engaged,” he says, expressionless.

 

Shiko's eyes close briefly and her hands fist. “Yes,” she whispers. She chuckles, and he can tell from her expression that it tastes bitter in her mouth. “We had been engaged all of two days before that…” Her mouth twists. “Before your memories were taken.”

 

“Ah.” Iruka really can't think of anything else to say. He feels absolutely nothing for this woman at all except guilt. He wonders if, whenever the Hokage or Ibiki or whoever is going to try to fix his memories makes the attempt, he will remember loving this woman. He wonders if he will forget loving Kakashi. He isn't surprised to find the thought traumatizing, from a distance, beyond his numbness. He guesses that once it happens, it won't matter.

 

“You told me, about two months before it happened,” Shiko continues, “that Hatake-san— “she spits the name like she's expelling a poisonous insect from her mouth, “—had been following you around for a while, and that he'd demanded that you sleep with him while trying to grab you under your uniform. You said you'd told him you weren't attracted to men, and that you were already involved, and that he just walked away without another word.” Another sour chuckle. “You even made friendly overtures after that, because you felt bad about it, but he always ignored you. I even approached him on the street once myself, to invite him out to dinner with us and some friends, because I thought…shit, I don't know what I thought. I just wanted to do it because you were giving yourself such a hard time about the whole thing, and nothing you were doing was getting you any result.”

 

Iruka crosses his arms and stares at a point just above her left shoulder. “What did he do when you approached him?”

 

“I introduced myself, extended the invitation, while he stood there looking as lethargic and bored as I've ever seen him, the few times I've come across him. Then he leaned over a little and motioned me forward, like he wanted to whisper a secret. I was nervous and didn't move, and the next thing I knew I was in an alley with my back against a wall. He was gripping my arms, not hard enough to bruise but strong enough that I couldn't even try to get away, and he was whispering in my ear. I'll never forget it. He said, `Isn't it strange how words can influence the mind? Just a group of vibrations or a collection of marks. I have a few words for you, to keep you company in your head: I am a man who gets what he wants.' And then he looked at me with that horrible red eye, and I fell to my knees. When I looked up again he was gone, and I was so scared of what he might have meant I went to find you right away. When I told you what happened we decided we'd better both just stay away from that man. I wanted to report him, but you said no, since he hadn't really hurt or threatened anyone and he's such an important pillar of the ninja community.” The last few words come out laced with arsenic sarcasm.

 

Neither of them speak for a while. Iruka tries to imagine Kakashi doing what she described, and finds the image inexplicably funny. That or he's slightly hysterical. He doesn't think Shiko would appreciate him laughing, so he covers the one chuckle that bursts free with a mild fit of coughing. From the glare Shiko throws him, she knows what he's done. She knows him, and he doesn't know the first thing about her. The thought sobers him, makes him dread her. “Then what happened?” he asks, wanting this interview over. He has to go to T&I, after all.

 

Shiko fiddles with the couch cushions restlessly. “We didn't run into Hatake or hear anything else from him for more than two weeks, and we'd decided he was just messing with us. I think both of us had put him out of our minds. But then I came to meet you after classes, and you couldn't remember who I was. I thought you were joking at first…and then I thought you had gotten cold feet, you know, since we'd just gotten engaged, but I couldn't really believe that. You're not a coward that way. I just didn't know what else to think. I've never been involved in ninja affairs, and other than teaching, you like to keep that part of your life private. I had no idea there were ninja capable of altering your memories.”

 

Iruka's head is really throbbing. He wants to sit down, but doesn't. “I remember you asking me about Kakashi, a couple of days after we met. Um, I mean after—”

 

“I know what you mean,” Shiko says with a sad smile, waving away his explanation. “I'd remembered what Hatake said when one of my friends mentioned seeing the two of you eating ramen together. She couldn't believe you were hanging out with `that lazy, porn-reading excuse for a ninja who'll probably never amount to anything.' That's a quote.”

 

This time Iruka laughs out loud, even though it makes his head throb enough for him to feel sick. Kakashi has cultivated his `inconspicuously incompetent' persona among civilians, very few of whom ever look far enough underneath the underneath to discover how dangerous and foolish their assumptions are. But civilians can afford to be superficial.

 

“I knew as soon as I asked you about him that he'd done something to you. Your expression didn't change, but you blushed to the roots of your hair. “

 

Iruka sighs inwardly. Not for the first time, he thinks that if he ever decides to advance in rank, he'll either have to be ANBU or wear a mask like Kakashi. Stupid giveaway face.

 

“And then, of course, Kakashi himself showed up, and the police, and I was being treated like a criminal lunatic. I almost believed I really was crazy, more than once. If it wasn't for my parents making a huge fuss every day and hounding the Hokage, Hatake might never have even been investigated. I'd probably be in an asylum by now. No doubt that was his plan.”

 

Iruka shakes his head. “I think he knew he'd be found out. If he didn't want to be found out, he could have just erased your memories of me. Your parents' too. Or killed you. I'm not sure why he chose to do it this way.”

 

“Maybe he's just not that smart.”

 

Iruka's eyes narrow. “You don't know anything about Kakashi, Shiko-san.” His voice is frigid. “He's—”

 

Shiko's eyes are wide with astonishment as she cuts him off. “And what the hell do you think you know about him, Iruka, that he hasn't deliberately led you to think? You don't know what's true and what isn't!”

 

Which is only what Iruka's been telling himself for the past fifteen hours or so, but coming from her it makes him irrationally angry. He rubs his temples with one hand, trying to get his emotions under control. “Shiko-san,” he says finally, “I have to go and meet with Ibiki-san so we can discuss what can be done about this. I'll be in touch with you as soon as we've made some progress.”

 

Shiko seems to know a dismissal when she hears one, and Iruka is grateful when she nods and rises without protest. “Should I leave you an address?” she asks.

 

“I'll find you.”

 

Shiko bows, and walks to the door. As she puts her hand on the knob she says, “I love you, Iruka. Please try to remember that.” Then she is gone.

 

Iruka slides to the floor, his face in his hands, trying to think of lesson plans and anything else innocuous, until his head doesn't feel like a blister about to pop.

 

When the pain is bearable, he gets up and considers eating breakfast. He decides that he's too anxious, and his stomach isn't settled. He opts instead to just grab his keys and leave for T&I, keeping his mind as blank as possible.

 

“Hey, Iruka-sensei!”

 

He is surprised to hear the unmistakable sound of Kakashi's ninken's voice coming from a roof to his right. “Pakkun?”

 

The dog jumps down in front of him, paws kicking up a little dust. “Boss says I'm supposed to bring you somewhere.”

 

Iruka feels uneasy. If Kakashi has managed to get a summon out of T&I without anyone noticing, he's probably better off ignoring it if he can. “I'm going to meet Ibiki-san.”

 

“Yeah, I know that. Here,” the dog says, dipping his head and pulling a small roll of paper out of his vest with his teeth and holding it out to Iruka. Iruka can see the seal of the Hokage on it, and breathes a minute sigh of relief as he takes the paper and reads it.

 

Umino-san.

 

Before you come in this morning, please follow the ninken. He will be leading you to where Hatake-san has secreted some documents that may help us rectify your condition. Report to me immediately upon retrieval.

 

Morino Ibiki

 

 

Iruka raises a brow. “Why would Ibiki-san and Hokage-sama be sending me to get these documents? Especially with you, Pakkun-san. No offense, it's just that the situation…”

 

“Yeah, the boss's gone a little cracked in the head lately.” The pug shakes his head. “Usually he's so well-adjusted.”

 

Iruka can't tell if the dog is kidding or not. He laughs, and it sounds furtive.

 

If Pakkun notices Iruka's nervousness, he makes no sign. “They sent out ANBU teams to retrieve the documents earlier, but the boss has wards up that they can't get past. That's why you're being sent.”

 

“If the ANBU can't figure out how to get past these wards, how am I supposed to? I mean, I'm pretty good, but I'm not—”

 

Pakkun waves a paw. “Don't worry about all that. Boss says all you have to do is push a little chakra into the entrance and it'll deactivate for you.”

 

Iruka hadn't thought he could be more surprised. “The entrance to his secret document hiding place is keyed to my chakra,” he says incredulously.

 

The dog shrugs as much as a pug can. “I don't know the details of any of this, Sensei. I was just told to lead you there, let you open the entrance, and then sniff out the scrolls. How `bout we get going, Sensei?”

 

Iruka hesitates. “Why…would you happen to have any idea why Kakashi is giving up these documents—scrolls, you said?—so easily, if he went to so much trouble to conceal them?”

 

“Like I said, Sensei, the boss didn't tell me anything. If I had to guess, though, I'd say he's already done what he needed to do, so it doesn't matter who gets their hands on these papers anymore. Now let's go, Sensei; I didn't get a chance to eat breakfast before the boss called. I can't function well on an empty stomach, you know. My nose gets all confused and starts smelling things that aren't there, the pads on my feet dry out, I get dizzy…”

 

Iruka rolls his eyes, smiling in spite of himself. “Right, right. Let's hurry, then, Pakkun-san.”

 

The sky is heavy and grey and the air weighs on them like a wet blanket as they soar lightly over the ramshackle rooftops of Konoha. Iruka notices, with no small amount of uneasiness, that they are heading straight for the Uchiha ghost town. They reach the gates just as it begins to rain, and Iruka can't suppress a shudder. He has never actually been in the Uchiha complex, not even when there were still Uchiha populating it, and he doesn't have any desire to enter it now that it lies empty. But Pakkun bounds through the gates without hesitation, and after a moment Iruka follows.