Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Preferable Path to Perfection is You ❯ Objectively Broken ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: The characters, items, places etc of Naruto are property of Masashi Kishimoto. These objects are used without permission for entertainment only, not for making money. No infringement is intended.

Chapter 5: Objectively Broken

The moment Itachi stepped out of bed and realised his clock wasn't working, he knew he was in for a bad morning. It was just an instinct- of course, it was probable that the batteries had run out but he knew better than that. Deidara had too much energy to expend on useless 'artistic creations' that drove Itachi to distraction for that to be the case.

He turned the clock over just to check if it still contained batteries- as suspected, they had been removed. He exhaled and fell back down onto the bed, wondering idly if it was worth actually bothering to get up at all. He had been feeling that way a lot lately, he noted with a hint of disdain.

He did so anyway, morbidly curious as to what outrageous explanation he was going to get this time. Pushing the bedroom door open, he tentatively stepped into through the hall and into the living room. Deidara was sitting at the table, writing something. That seemed harmless enough and rather surprisingly normal.

The room was... Quieter? He couldn't put a finger on it and he was mostly afraid to. Deidara didn't even acknowledge him, leaving him to walk into the even quieter kitchen to get a coffee.

He filled the kettle with water and turned it on, realising after a moment that it wasn't humming as it boiled. He turned to see the red light on the side dull with inactivity, clicking it on and off a few times in confusion.

"Deidara?" He called when it became apparent it wasn't going to work no matter how many times he flicked the switch on. "Did you break my kettle?"

"Read my assignment objectives, yeah. It's on the fridge."

Deidara was still furiously writing, seemingly deep in some kind of written portion of his apparent assignment. Itachi turned to the aforementioned appliance and tugged the note off of the door, not even bothering to try and read it. He couldn't- something he hadn't yet explained to Deidara.

"Can't you just tell me?"

Deidara glanced up at him, frowning and indicating the paper. "Are you blind? You're holding the paper it's written on."

"A little," Itachi responded with an awkward shrug, earning a curious frown from Deidara. "You hadn't noticed I wear contacts? I haven't put them in yet, so I can't read this."

"So you try to be perfect... But you don't have perfect vision?"

"The irony doesn't escape my notice," Itachi muttered, seating himself at the table with Deidara and letting the paper flutter uselessly down in front of them. "Explain."

Deidara put his pen down, seemingly annoyed with being interrupted. "I took the kettle lead away."

Itachi didn't want to ask why. He absolutely did not want to know, yet he asked the question anyway. "Why did you do that, Deidara?"

"My first assignment objective," Deidara explained- well, half-explained- with a shrug, picking up his pen again.

Itachi ripped it from his hands, setting it down in front of him and shaking his head to indicate he wanted a better explanation. Deidara continued to ignore him anyway and he growled, snatching the note up and holding it close to his face to read it.

A physical manifestation of the word 'broken',
Actions, reactions, emotions...

"A physical manifestation of broken," Deidara repeated, seeing the glare he was receiving and attempting to dispel it. "I decided on a broken home. Obviously not the usual meaning but rather... A broken home, yeah."

Itachi stared at him for a moment, quite unsure of how to react to that.

"I broke everything," Deidara clarified, reaching out and picking up his pen once more. Itachi snatched it up to stop him, holding it tightly enough to snap it in two.

"What did you break?" He asked.

"...Everything," Deidara repeated slowly. "I didn't literally break it though because I thought you'd be angry with that, so I improvised, yeah."

Itachi realised with a start what the quiet he had noted was- a glance around told him that not a single electrical appliance in the living room and, at a closer inspection, the kitchen was turned on. He opened the fridge, the light staying off as he did so, turning back to Deidara who was standing in the kitchen doorway looking sheepish.

"I..."

Itachi stopped. He didn't have any words to describe what he was thinking, but his mind selected some choice ones when Deidara disappeared and reappeared moments later with his camera, snapping a shot of him.

"Are you kidding me?" He finally snapped, turning round to the blond. "Don't take photos- put it right!"

"It's for my second assignment part," Deidara protested. "Actions, reactions and emotions! This is your reaction to your tragic broken home!"

"For heaven's sake, Deidara!" Itachi yelled at him. He prided himself on being a patient person who was difficult to anger so he took a deep breath, calming himself before he really lost his temper.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said after a moment. "When I get out, I want it all back how you found it."

He stormed off, closing the living room door behind him just a little too harshly. Stepping into the bathroom he slammed the door and attempted to lock it.

The lock had been removed. Of course it had- Itachi had given up attempting to be surprised. He turned the shower on anyway, only to find it didn't actually turn on. He frowned, attempting to turn the tap on the sink on as well and finding the same result.

Had that idiot seriously turned his water off, too?

As he re-opened the door to ask just that, Deidara was waiting, snapping another photo of him. Itachi blinked a couple of times and wondered somewhere on the edge of his consciousness if he was going to have to kill him before the day was over.

"I told you, everything's broken," Deidara told him. "I turned the water and electrics off, and I've hidden all the cables just in case. I've broken the door to the water cupboard-"

"You what?!"

"- so you can't turn it back on again, yeah."

The stupid little blond lunatic actually sounded proud of himself. Itachi leant back against the doorframe, quite unsure what to make of the entire situation and wishing he'd stayed in bed as he'd originally wanted to.

"Am I going to have to replace the door you broke?" He asked after a moment.

"I'll pay. It's a small price to pay to keep you ruining my art."

"Deidara," Itachi remarked, not impressed with how nonchalant the other was being about the situation.

"You..." He slammed a hand to his forehead in frustration, not sure how to express what he was thinking. He was usually so articulate and Deidara had reduced him to a jabbering, incoherent mess.

Nothing new there then, his mind chided rather spitefully.

"It's clever though, yeah?" Deidara spoke after a moment.

Itachi stared at him in disbelief. He wanted praise now?

"I bought bottled water- it's in the fridge."

"The fridge that's switched off."

"Don't eat any of the food in there, you might get sick."

Itachi took a deep breath, mentally counting to ten.

"...Aren't you impressed, yeah?"

"I'm going to my brother's," Itachi finally spoke. "I'm going to borrow his shower and kettle and then I'm going out for the day."

"It's early- won't he be annoyed?"

"I'll take my chances," Itachi ground out through gritted teeth.

He grabbed a change of clothes and pulled his coat over his nightclothes- no point changing out them when he was only going a few streets down, he decided, and especially when he wasn't clean yet. He'd just have to drive there instead of walking and attempt to explain the situation to Sasuke.

Stepping out onto the main road, he stopped and studied his car. Something wasn't right. He hated that now-familiar feeling, turning to Deidara who was standing nervously behind him. He hadn't protested to him trying to leave yet, and there had to be a reason why.

The car was looking rather sorry for itself- Deidara had even swapped the ludicrous googly eyes Itachi had left on the bumper for sad ones. The tires were flat and Itachi suspected for how thorough Deidara had been, the petrol would have been siphoned out as well. A few drips of liquid on the floor around the area of petrol cap confirmed his suspicions.

"You have to be impressed? I thought of everything."

"I think..." Itachi started, slowly turning to Deidara with narrowed eyes. The vague hold he'd had on his temper vanished and he felt something inside his mind snap, glaring at his companion with exasperated eyes.

"What made you think this was a good idea?!" He demanded to know. "Did you honestly think I was going to be alright with you breaking everything I own and attempting to call it art you freaking idiot?! Think before you act, please, and spare us both the mayhem in future!"

Deidara squeaked and fled inside, leaving Itachi to stand and stare at the spot he'd been standing in. Well, he told himself, at least he hadn't sworn at him. He could still say he'd kept some restraint on his temper.

He stomped back inside and through into the kitchen, ignoring Deidara at the table. He grabbed a couple of bottles of water, heading into the bathroom and slamming the door- he'd just get as clean as he could with cold bottled water, get dressed and then vanish for the day.

When he felt suitably presentable he headed back to his living room, glaring at Deidara who was still writing at the table.

"You really are a lunatic," he told him, sitting down opposite him and taking his pen away once more. "You are crazy. But alright, I admit- it was a smart idea. Are you happy now?"

Deidara didn't reply, looking slightly hurt as he studied the paper in front of him. Itachi narrowed his eyes, wondering what he had to be offended about when he had just completely broken every fixture and appliance in Itachi's home?

"Denial," Deidara said quietly after a moment. "Anger. Acceptance. Three signature marks of someone having to deal with a broken home. It's funny how the feelings a physical broken home gives mirrors the feelings living in an actual broken home gives, yeah."

Itachi's eyed widened in realisation as Deidara took the pen back from his now-loose grip gently, biting his lip just a little too hard as he returned to his work. His hand was shaking, Itachi noticed, and he mentally kicked himself for reacting badly even if it was warranted.

"Deidara..." He said quietly, needing to say something to get the other's hand to stop shaking.

"I'm alright, yeah," Deidara responded, running the trembling hand across his eyes irritably. "Just let me work. I'll see you tonight."

"I'm not leaving."

"You should."

Itachi took the pen from him once more and threw it across the room, glaring at him sharply. Deidara simply glared back, folding his arms across the table and looking defiant.

"You don't talk about you," he said quietly. "So why would I talk about me?"

Itachi had to admit he had a point. "Alright," he nodded, getting up and heading into the kitchen. "We can run circles around each other until one of us snaps and opens up- that will be fine."

He grabbed a bottle of lukewarm water from the fridge and leant back against the counter instead of going back to Deidara, opening it and taking a sip. He hadn't meant to voice that last thought, but it had happened anyway. It also implied that he had some talking to do, which he most certainly did not.

He sighed, closing his eyes and taking another sip of the water. Of course he had some talking to do, who was he trying to kid?

He yelped and opened his eyes as Deidara tilted the bottle he was drinking from, showering him in water. Coughing, Itachi put the bottle on the side and scowled at Deidara- he didn't seem to care, giving Itachi a bright smile and snapping a photo. He'd certainly cheered up, then.

"There isn't much to say," Deidara told him after a moment. "Bad childhood and all that- violent household, parents broke up because of it, got back together, broke up, blah blah blah. Why do you think I jumped at the chance to go to Europe? I needed to get out of there, though the police moved me into my own place when I got back and had no-where safe to go. Very dull and all over with now, yeah."

Itachi regarded him carefully, attempting to look past the blasÃe attitude Deidara was presenting to see if it was fake. It didn't seem to be, but the look in his eyes was certainly a bitter one.

"I'm sorry," he eventually settled on.

"It's alright," Deidara shrugged. "I guess you could say it's why I don't like being alone, yeah. The bad memories always catch up. Europe was a nice distraction- my mother managed to save up and help me pay for it, too. We don't get on that well- I think she was trying to get me out of her hair or something, yeah." He laughed slightly before his eyes sombre slightly. "Dad got in the way of us getting to know each other."

"I understand," Itachi replied softly, closing his eyes to the memory of his own strained relationship with his mother.

"Are you going to tell me why you seem to know what I'm talking about?"

Itachi paused before taking his soaked shirt off, earning a raised eyebrow in response.

"You know trying to charm me into silence won't work, right?" Deidara finally spoke as Itachi stepped past him.

"You wish," Itachi called seductively over his shoulder, very much hoping Deidara would respond with a positive so he could carry on flirting and possibly even- wait, no, he stopped his mind before it headed on a one way track to perversion.

Deidara scampered after him, following him into the bedroom where Itachi was rifling through the wardrobe for a new top.

"You have to tell me something now," Deidara pointed out. "About you."

"You found out I'm short sighted today, isn't that enough?" Itachi protested. He had no intentions of sharing anything of relevance.

"Just do it, yeah."

Itachi thought for a moment before turning around, slipping a new shirt on as he did so. "I was trying to seduce you into kissing me again."

Deidara stared at him with wide eyes, cheeks slightly red before he burst out laughing. "Nice response, yeah," he acknowledged. "I get it, I won't ask again. I wasn't expecting such a quick come back from you though- I'm impressed."

"You know me," Itachi sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed and deciding not to push it any further. "Always the joker."

"You should open up some time though," Deidara prompted.

Itachi simply fell back, exhaling and staring at the ceiling. "Who knows, it'll happen when you least expect it," he replied, careful to keep the bitter edge out of his voice that wanted to be there.

Deidara snapped a photo of him before falling back on the bed next to him. "I'm not in a hurry to go anywhere," he admitted with a shrug. "Except perhaps out for the day- I agree staying in a broken house is going to be pretty boring, yeah."

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you tampered with all my stuff. Why did you take my photo anyway?"

"My second assignment."

"What action, reaction or emotion? I'm just lying on a bed."

"You're upset about something. I don't see that in you very often," Deidara shrugged.

Itachi sat upright, giving him a curious glance. "No I'm not."

"Sure you are," Deidara protested, waving a hand dismissively at him. "I'm sorry I asked about your past, yeah. I didn't mean to offend you."

Itachi fell back down next to him again, closing his eyes. If that was what Deidara wanted to think then fine, let him do so. Apparently he couldn't take a hint even if it hit him in the face.

"Itachi?"

Deidara was lying so close to him that when he spoke, Itachi could feel the heat of his breath on his neck. He resisted a shudder, simply turning so their eyes met instead. Deidara was looking at him imploringly, seemingly not worried about their close proximity.

"What is it?" He asked when Deidara didn't respond, turning his gaze away to the bedspread with an anguished look in his eyes.

"Thank you for letting me get to know you as well as you have," Deidara finally responded quietly. "I can tell it isn't easy for you to do that, yeah."

Itachi shrugged, glancing back up at the ceiling. "Don't thank me for something like that."

"I don't see you treat anyone else the way you treat me," Deidara pointed out. "Except maybe Sasuke, but he's your family. I feel I should be thankful, yeah."

"Stop placing me on a pedestal," Itachi replied, feeling a little agitated at all the unnecessary praise. "I'm an introvert with a perfection complex. There's nothing special about that."

"You're my first-"

Deidara cut himself off, turning to look up at the ceiling instead. Itachi waited patiently for him to continue but the moment passed and Deidara sat upright, pushing himself off of the bed.

"I don't handle this sappy stuff well," he admitted, giving Itachi an awkward glance over his shoulder. "Shall we go out?"

"I don't care as long as it involves coffee," Itachi replied, pushing himself off of the bed as well. "Let's go."

First, What?!

He thought it over as they walked out onto the street, stopping dead in front of his car as he remembered it had been completely desecrated. Turning to Deidara he pointed at it and shook his head slowly.

"Why break my car?" He sighed. "It's not in the house. Surely it didn't count."

"I had to be thorough. I want a good grade after all."

"Right. That's clearly the most important thing here. Shall we gatecrash my brother? We can walk from here."

"Is that wise? Is he even going to let me into the house?"

Itachi thought about that for a moment before shrugging and indicating for Deidara to follow. "You know, I can't quite bring myself to care what he does to you," he declared. "He'll let me in and he has a working kettle."

Chapter End