Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ Healing a pained heart ❯ Exhausting week ( Chapter 8 )

Ever since Sakura confessed through tears about the illness that grind her from the inside out, Gaara was determined to find out everything he can about this disease.

It wasn’t often when he visited hospitals. He preferred to have ninja medics report to him in his Kazekage office and he would help them without physical presence. This time he made an exception under the pretext of an unannounced inspection. The staff became restless and went head over heels to please their leader. They all struggled more than usual, which irritated Gaara. He knew this behavior is just the result of him being there. It’s just a facade.

Gaara entered the patients’ salon asking if they need anything. He talked to each one. Of course, none of them demanded anything and thanked Gaara for making an effort to check on them. Gaara didn’t dislike talking with his people, but he didn’t risk talking with them more than necessary because that would offer many gossip ideas. He was afraid they would start talking bad words about him. Guilt squeezed his heart because he came to the hospital for another purpose, while the patients falsely believed he genuinely went to the hospital for them. Some of the staff asked for approval on renovation projects. Gaara told them to have the written plan brought to his office. He liked being authoritative and resolute, but never overdid it. He worked a lot on self control ever since he fought with Naruto.

The image of Sakura’s face popped into his mind and didn’t leave him be. He really needed some answers, but he was afraid to ask her because it would stress her and the topic would make her sad. It was better to do some research rather than blindly believe everything she said. Maybe there are some things she doesn’t know. The Kazekage found the only doctor he fully trusted and asked him to share all his knowledge on this disease. This doctor earned Gaara’s trust because he always healed his brother and sister when they were injured.

“At your service, Kazekage-sama.” the doctor said with a deep bow. “This disease is very rare, thus makes it harder for us to know exact facts about it.”

Kazekage-sama had a cold and serious look on his face as he listened. If it is so rare, how come just Sakura developed it? If nobody knows enough information, then can he truly help Sakura? His state of mind worsened, but he didn’t let himself be swallowed by despair.

“Please continue.”

“We noticed some common symptoms in the few patients we’ve had throughout the years: increased level of stress, worry, depression and anxiety. They seemed to have a poor self-image and dependent behavior.”

This explained why she over-relied on Naruto and her co-villagers so much before. She depends on the people to whom she is closest. A part of Gaara wanted her to depend on him. He would be very happy to be by her side, supporting her every time. The doctor said it as if it is a bad thing: “dependent behavior”, but is it truly? Plants depend on water to live. Insects depend on plants and animals depend on both plants and insects. They do this to live. Life if dependence. A baby depends on the mother’s milk. A man depends on the woman’s sensitivity and care. He craves her gentle caress and sweet words. Man can live without them, but he will grow a beast, like Gaara. Shinki depends on him to procure and care for him. Is it wrong for Sakura to depend on me, too? It’s true I survived even without my mother’s milk, but at what expense? It felt like I lived with only a quarter of my heart. I felt pain of being abandoned and alone, pain I would never wish even for my enemies. Didn’t God make the man this way? To depend and rely on one another and both man and woman rely on God to protect and care for them? Could Gaara deprive her of that? No. It would make him more than happy to be chosen by Sakura as the unmoving stone she can hide behind when she is afraid; her faithful bird to whisper sweet love words into her ear when she cries; the shining flower on her windowsill to make her smile every time she lays eyes on; her lion with red mane she can summon for protection; her endless cave to swallow all her sorrow and pain, all her grief and doubt, all her insecurity.

“Some even manifested thoughts of self-harm or suicide.” The doctor continued.

A cold sweat coated Gaara’s forehead and he shivered slightly. Suicide? No, this can’t be.

“Fear of food.”

“Fear of food?”

“Yes, Kazekage-sama. Stomach pain leads to unhealthy weight loss. The patient’s pain gets worse when his moral is down or when he eats certain types of food. Loss of appetite and diarrhea also lead to malnutrition. That’s why patients tend to eat less and sometimes go without food for a whole day.”

That’s why she always eats like a bird.

“Which type of food is recommended for this illness?”

The doctor scratched his head and looked at the floor, signaling a difficult answer ahead. Gaara started to worry.

“My lord, I can only tell you which food is better to be avoided.” Gaara sighed and listened further. “Dairy products, sugar, fats, fried food, almonds, any raw fruit or vegetable, whole grains, beans, alcohol, caffeine, spicy food “

The longer Gaara listened, the longer the list got. The sky fell on his head and crushed it on the spot. He has just given Sakura strawberries and he saw her eating sweets all the time.

“At this rate, it’s easier to make a list of the food you are allowed to eat. Why aren’t fruits and vegetables allowed? I thought they are healthy and good in treating any disease.”

“You are right, my lord. Unfortunately, fruits and vegetables cause irritation of the intestine, especially those with skins and seeds intact. This disease, if not treated, creates holes in the digestive tract, most commonly in the intestines. The immune system thinks the intestine is a foreign object that doesn’t belong there and it tries to forcefully take it out. That’s where the pain comes from. Our patients always complained about abdominal pain and blood was found in their stool samples.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense. Why would the body suddenly believe a part of it is an enemy?”

“My lord” the doctor bowed again “I apologize; I do not know the answer to your question. Nobody knows why this disease appears. The causes are unknown, although some speculate that stress related to environmental and lifestyle factors have a strong influence. If a person is under a considerable amount of stress, his mind and body also get affected on the inside as well as the outside. Others speculate that this is a bacterium we simply couldn’t identify due to a lack of patients to experiment on. Kazekage-sama, forgive me asking this, but do you know anyone who suffers from this disease?”

Gaara felt his stomach churn and twist. He could never accept people to conduct experiments on Sakura. She wasn’t a lab rat. Could never accept doctors cutting her for biopsy, monitor her stress level, test the consequences of eating different types of food, checking the evolving rate of the disease.... No. This he could never accept. There were a bigger number of problems he didn’t foresee: unknown cause of the disease, no exact list of allowed food- the list of banned edibles forbade Sakura from eating any kind of food-he didn’t know how to fight the pain caused by the organism’s self destruction; what was worst was the suicide thought caused by this illness. He didn’t wish to open this topic with Sakura, but he must know if she manifests it or not.

Gaara felt his shoulders heavy with the burden of a crass failure. The wealthiest man in Suna is powerless in front of his girlfriend’s suffering.

“This would be all.” Gaara didn’t want to answer to the doctor’s last question because he didn’t want everyone to look at Sakura from behind a magnifying glass. “Please keep this a secret. If you come across any other information related to this topic, please let me know.”

Gaara gave the man some money and the doctor bowed, thanking him.

Meanwhile, Sakura and her research team worked outside for taking measurements. They compared the pH of the soil with the data they had from last year and a year before that. They discovered the pH became 4 times more alkaline. Sure enough, this had notable consequences on the plants, trees, water and fish. Sakura and Midori measured the quantity of fish from every oasis, while Kankurou and Tanaka observed the insects, writing down the number of each insect group and if they show any sign of illness or weird behavior. These measurements must be done periodically in order to compare the data and extract relevant conclusions for the research.

In between work, Sakura had a little time to talk to Kankurou and found out how difficult it was for Gaara to bring the strawberries for her from Konoha. Kankurou said his brother paid Konoha to lend him a ninja who can manipulate water and another ninja from Suna who can manipulate wind. Their powers combined created ice flakes in and around the box to maintain the same temperature for 3 days, from dawn till dusk, so the fruits don’t rot. They buried the box in the ground at night, so they could rest. Sakura felt flattered, but also indebted to her boyfriend. Everything she did for him seemed small and insignificant. How can she make up to him? Should she ask him? Will he tell her? Or will he also say he doesn’t need anything from her?

After the festival, Sakura and Gaara continued to live their lives in the same routine.

Gaara always came home late, but he split his little free time between his son and his girlfriend. He stroked Sakura’s hair, held her close, hugged and kissed her. He embosomed her to his chest and waited for the right moment to talk to her.

Sakura always went to the lab in the morning and analyzed samples wrote reports and computed the obtained data. She came home for lunch and ate with Shinki, who stared sitting next to her when his father wasn’t home. After that, she had lessons with the boy. He still had his moments when he liked to show off: “I am the smartest 4 year old boy in Suna!” “I am the best!” but Sakura smiled because the boy was indeed very smart and it was worth spending time with him. She looked at the boy and sighed because she desperately wanted to have a child of her own. Sakura stroked the boy’s hair in happiness because he didn’t reject her anymore. She prayed in her heart that neither Shinki nor Gaara ever reject her. These thoughts disturbed her peace of mind and her stomach started to ache. She grew accustomed to asking Noriko to make her chamomile tea multiple times a day. Soon, Shinki realized something is wrong with her and asked if she is ok, but she brushed it off with a smile, saying it was nothing.

One night, Gaara came home later than usual and found Sakura on the couch in the living room, waiting for him. Shinki was already fast asleep. Sakura happily came to greet him. She was ashamed to make the first step and she was afraid of the humility that would swallow her if Gaara refused to kiss her when she tried to kiss him. So she waited for him to pave the road of affection. Gaara saw her grinning face, her figure with her arms behind her back, and head tilted to the side. The happiness of seeing her was greater than the happiness of sunflowers when they see the sun, but he was also ashamed to show affection when others were around. If he made a mistake, nobody needed to see.

Sakura waited for him to come home every night so they can dine together. She sat next to him, breathed his perfume and fed on his trust and self-confidence. Gaara always put food from his plate onto hers. He talked to Noriko to try and change the menu according to what Sakura couldn’t eat, but this couldn’t always be done because dairy products and many other things from the list were necessary for Shinki’s growth and he couldn’t feed Sakura different food from his son. That would be rude and he didn’t want to be accused of preferential treatment. He had to talk to Sakura about this later. For now, he enjoyed her presence, the smell of her hair and her beautiful body which she always hid beneath long dresses. It is true that it is better to imagine what she looks like under the dresses rather than see everything from the first if she wore tight, revealing short clothes. The innocence these dresses provided for Sakura fascinated him.

This week was very stressful for him and he desperately needed to be caressed and loved by her delicate fingers. He wanted to rest his head on her chest while she strokes his hair in silence and peace.

After dinner, Gaara went to his room to change and have a shower, when he felt her steps following him. He smiled to himself and turned around unexpectedly: “What are you doing?”

She squeaked and took a step back.

“I-I just wanted to stay with you.”

He ran his fingers through his hair proudly and pretended to think about it for a long minute: “Ok, come. But you let me shower alone.”

She became flustered and embarrassed in less than a second. “Of course, I will wait for you at the door.”

“I am joking. You can shower with me if you want to.”

Sakura blushed and slapped his shoulder “You pervert.”

Gaara pretended to be wounded and said: “Do you know the punishment for injuring the Kazekage?”

Anger flooded Sakura “What punishment?” and she started hitting him with her fists and slapping him playfully. He laughed from the bottom of his heart, trying to avoid her attacks.

She waited outside his bathroom door while he showered. He put on a pair of black loose trousers and black shirt with long sleeves. She talked to him from outside the bathroom. He got out with steam following him from behind.  Gaara hugged her tightly to his chest and relaxed when she giggled. Her small sounds were music to his ears. The thought of coming back to her every night game him strength throughout the day. He lifted her chin with his left hand and bent to kiss her roughly. He kissed her as if tomorrow didn’t exist. He stole the air from her lungs, he bit her lips to leave her breathless, and he sucked her tongue into his mouth like he wanted to swallow her whole. Then, he squeezed her into his arms again and sighed heavily. Sakura licked her lips and asked: “What’s going on?” It wasn’t a reproach, but she was curious as to why he was so clingy tonight.

“I have had a long week. I am just happy it’s over. I needed your touch.” He paused for a few seconds, and then continued “I would like to stay next to you in bed. I mean just stay, nothing else.”

She kissed his Adam’s apple which made him swallow involuntarily and let him drag her to the bed. She lied on her back with her head on the pillow. He nestled under left arm, with his head on her shoulder and chest. He lied on his right side, facing her. Sakura rested her left arm on his left one, squeezing his shoulder to bring him closer to her. He draped his left arm around her waist, his fingers under her back. Sakura felt the weight of his head, but decided she can bear it for a while. She pulled him to her chest and kissed his head whispering: “My lion, my strong, powerful lion” Her left hand travelled along his arm soothing him. Her right hand ran through his red locks, untangling his hair still damp from the shower. He relaxed and she was happy he allows her to do this for him. She started humming a song while stroking his hair and face. A feeling he hasn’t felt in years enveloped him and his mother’s image popped into his head. Gaara sat on Sakura’s chest like a baby on his mother’s chest. She sang for him, exactly like a mother and it eased his baby like heart.

“Pull at my hair.” He suddenly said.

The tips of her fingers ran along his left cheek and when they reached his mouth, he kissed them. She lightly pulled his hair while constantly looking at his face to make sure it doesn’t hurt him. All she could see on his features was relief, nostalgia and some sort of sadness.

“Gaara, my dear, are you ok?” She said while kissing the kanji on his forehead. She buried his cheek in the crook of her palm to make him look at her.

He squeezed her with his arm around her waist and forced a smile “Of course. Don’t worry about me.”

“Don’t lie to me. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

He noticed her seriousness and decided it’s better to tell her or else she will get upset and they will fight. He sighed and told her: “I was thinking about my mom. I wish I could have stayed in her arms like this.”

His words touched her heart and her face softened. She pulled him to her chest with strong arms. She kissed his forehead again and resumed petting his hair and tracing the outline of his kanji. He heard her sing again with her mouth closed and an idea popped into his mind:

“Allow me to do something, if you don’t mind.”

Sakura nodded without stopping her humming. Using the hand around her waist, he guided her to rest on her left side on the bed. His face was buried in her breasts. He leaned on his elbow and kissed her lips first, then her chin, her neck while his left hand went under the hem at the top of her dress and pulled down. His hungry lips kissed every cm of the exposed skin until her whole left breast was out of the dress. The light brown nipple as big as a cherry made him smile and his lips closed around it. He sucked on it like a baby. Her breathing was heavy and she started feeling aroused and ashamed at the same time. Her right hand clenched his hair and pulled him even closer to her breast. He bit lightly and looked her in the eyes with the nipple between his teeth. Gaara let go just enough to let these words escape his mouth: “Let me sleep like this tonight.” His sand covered them with the blanket and Gaara sat his head on the pillow and took her nipple into his mouth again, sucking gently with his eyes closed. He could leave the discussions for the next day because tonight he really needed rest.

Sakura was happy to receive his attention and she continued to stroke his hair and hum until he fell asleep. She fell asleep almost an hour after him, on her left side, with the left hand behind her and the right hand in his hair and hoped she won’t suffocate him until morning.