Naruto Shippuden Fan Fiction ❯ Kazoku no Tsuru : The Crane Family ❯ Kevin You Idiot! ( Chapter 1 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

“And tonight's Diana's Dilemma is brought to you by Chubby's Chocolate.” said the prerecorded message on the radio.

“What the hell, Diana?” I replied while alone in my bedroom, “You're exploiting people's problems in order to sell chocolate, you dumb bitch!”

There were a lot of things that irritated me and making money off of people's misery was one of them.  A small growl came from the depths of my chest as I sat down on the side of the bed to check the messages on my phone. Unlike a lot of people in twenty-first century America, I actually had a land-line still connected. Everyone I knew had a cell phone and had nearly forgotten how to use one of these. It was a shame. A lot of the things I did were a bit out-of-date but I found them to be much more useful than the options given these days. Although, I feel this way, Kevin manages to easily impress me with the speed of newer things. It was a dichotomy in my preferences.

There wasn't a lot on my schedule. I worked part-time at a tiny bookstore in a city across the river. Most of my family lived over here in Caltoone. With my spare time I wrote novels. However, I've never gotten anything published because I've never finished any kind of project like that in my whole life. I was lucky enough to have been able to finish high school. I am the first female in about five or six generations to have graduated from secondary education.  And I will state another dichotomy of mine: I may not be a recluse – I am actually very friendly! – but I have a problem keeping up with friends. Some people I have met actually wonder if I have fallen off the face of the earth.

At seeing the messy heap of clothes on the floor in my bedroom – which were clean, by the way! – I decided to ignore it and head into the living room. From there, I used the universal remote to turn on the television. The glowing red dot on my digital converter box turned green and my television came on. It was always on the same station because I'd rarely watched it. It was about ten o'clock and the late night news was about to come on. This way I'd be able to figure out what the weather would be like for the rest of the week so I could plan my rides on the bus, our public transportation, more efficiently.

I could feel my eyes getting heavy as I stared at the screen, having the volume on mute, watching the commercials. A lot of these were new to me simply because I only turned the thing on maybe once a week. If anything, I could get the weather by looking at it on my phone or listening to the radio. I supposed that I had chosen the television this particular evening simply because I wanted to get in a brief message about the world's current events and then turn it off.

The news came back on and before I could hit the volume button, my phone rang. With as late as it was and by the fact that it was my cell that rang, it could have been only one person. Kevin.

I picked it up off the end table and looked over the identification display. I was correct on who it was. He was the only person that would have known that I was home and called my cell despite that. It wouldn't have mattered, anyway, seeing as I had unlimited calling on both services. I think it was easier for him because he only got free access to other mobile devices. On the touch screen I hit the block that contained a green receiver.

“Hello?” I did my best to sound perky as possible. It'd been a while since we'd spoken and I didn't want him to think that he had woken me up. It was kind of difficult with all the things going on.
“Porcelain dolls and ball gags~ How are things doing at the Public Relations Department of World Domination, Inc.?” His greetings were always a bit eccentric but they were nothing to complain about.

I replied with: “Things are doing well with Public Relations. I have hired a new personal assistant and coincidentally her boyfriend got hired on to deal with Tech Support. So far, we have put out a new line of clothing that has subliminal messages in their designs and that once the fabric touches bare skin it will release micro-organisms that penetrates the dermis and heads straight for the brain. Once inside, the main organs are imprinted with the World Domination, Inc. logo and effects the vict – ahem – I mean, the consumer, in a way where it will influence them to buy more of our products and soon enough, submit to our whims.”
“Your brain-washing techniques are brilliant, Hope. I am glad I promoted you from Local Representative to Head of Public Relations.” He audibly smiled.

“Now what about Lucas? I've just spoken with him today and he said he was concerned about his several demotions. If we demote him any more he will no longer be an employee.” Even I couldn't believe that I could hold a straight face during this conversation.

“He's not good enough for termination,” He replied, though there was the sound of wind entering the phone. It stopped soon enough and he continued, “There is no way we can let him know that his skills can be useful elsewhere. He is here simply for cruelty and our entertainment.”

“Indeed. Would you like me to fax you the minutes of the meeting we had without you last week?”

“That would be grand, my flower.” His serious tone turned into a chuckle. “...So, you got anything big planned for tomorrow?”

“Not really. Saturdays are typically my day off. I do laundry and light cleaning on Sunday.” I replied, “Why do you ask?”

“Ohhhh, nothing really major,” He said, the wind blowing into the phone again. I assumed that he'd moved his head when the noise stopped, “I just need a place to crash while I'm in town visiting the fam.”

“When are you going to arrive?”

“I should be there around 2am. I'm already at a filling station in the middle of Bumfuck, Egypt. I'm on my way there now. I just had to get more gas and cigarettes. These Solar Sodas are a life-saver, you know.”

“You sure inform me late notice. That's okay, though, I'll be awake then.” And I wasn't one bit irritated at this. It was typical of him and I didn't see it as a negative anymore. That was just how he was. My home was always open to him, anyway, so it wasn't a big deal.

“You want to stop for a burger when I get there? Treat's on me.”

“I don't think WacDonald's is open that late,” I remarked, looking up at the hanging wall-clock. My eyes went back down to the television, listening to him. The weather had come on, showing the weekly forecast. There was no reason to turn the volume up.

“That's fine. We can go to Meat & Malt instead. I won't eat but I'll probably get coffee.”

“Won't you want to go to sleep once you get here?” And I don't blame him for hating their food. I mean, he worked there for about three years and saw some awful things. We won't get into that here because it's entirely irrelevant to our story. But continuing:
“Sleep is overrated. I'll just play games on my laptop until you wake up tomorrow.” Although I couldn't see it, I knew he was smirking. With a roll of my eyes I sighed, turning off the TV and the converter box then placing the remote on the end table.
“I suppose coffee will do. We have a lot of catching up to do, anyway.”

“You'll have to tell me about that new novel you're writing on. I have a few friends down here at the University and we might be able to hook you up with an agent.”
“Ooooh, that'll be cool.” I smiled. As I had said before, it was a dream of mine to be able to have a work of fiction published. Although, it was a small town, I hardly knew anybody in it. I may be very knowledgeable in my field but as the old adage goes: It's not what you know, it's who you know! And who I know is diddly squat. Things would seem to be easier with the advent of social networking on the web but it works the exact opposite in my case.

“Hope, you're a very good writer. You just have to be confident in your abilities. Don't let a single rejection or flame on the internet deter you.” He continued, “There's a quote by Dolly Parton that says, 'Get your dreams in line – Shine, design, refine 'til they come true'.”

“Well, that's something new from you, Kevin,” My smile felt almost painful in my chest, he was saying all the right things and something inside wanted to reject it. Though, I wanted it to come true, “And I didn't think you listened to country music.”

“I'm not joking, Hope,” He said, “This is one of those times I'm really serious.”

“Well, it's getting late.”

“Yeah, I should let you go if I want to be there within the time I said. I'll let you go then and we can discuss this more later, okay?”
“Okay. Talk to you later. Love you,”

“Love you too,”

And both of us, as if in sync, said “Bye.”

I touched the screen of my phone and selected the End option.

Now, I bet you're wondering how Kevin and I know each other. Is he a significant other? Is he a relative? Neither. He is my best friend with whom I've meshed families with. We'd known each other since late Junior High and managed to sustain our friendship even after graduation from high school. Which we knew we would. There was a period there where we didn't talk to each other. He was angry with me for a few years. He was appeased after I apologized. Those were months that we regretted missing. We're making up for that now.

And to top it all off, his younger half-sister – Annalee – ended up marrying my second cousin, Miguel. If it makes it easier to understand, his father is my mother's cousin. I don't really pay much attention to family trees unless it has to do with antiquated ancestors who had interesting lives. Which means anybody who was before my grandparents and their families. Anyone here born after 1960 is fucked.

Myself included.

We were already considering ourselves family well before the advent of the wedding.  That mostly being because no relatives were supportive and couldn't have cared about our existence. Unless, of course, you're conveniently useful. Otherwise, if you're not providing free labor and booze then you're S.O.L.

Kevin's mother was so kind that she had opened her home to friends on several occasions. Even I have lived with them a time or two. There is also the permanent resident, a formerly homeless man that we started calling Uncle Uncle. Yes, I said Uncle twice. Mom always gave us nicknames that pertained to our personalities. Though, with as relatively normal this man was, she couldn't come up with a name. So when she tried to name him, she said, “Uncle uhh....Uncle...”

“I know!” I remembered hearing Annalee interrupt, “He can be Uncle Uncle!”

And the name had stuck.

The name I ended up was Moon Brat. I had acquired the name one night when I stayed over. There's no way in the world I could have counted how many drinks I had had but can only measure it by my actions in which I am surprised I even remember. I had lied on the lawn of the back yard under the stars with Kevin, both of us wasted beyond reconciliation.

His mother had come out to check on us to ask how we were doing and to inform us that it was 2am and we needed to get to sleep. I made this strange, guttural sound and proceeded to move my arms and legs about like I was making a snow angel. Except I did this in the grass, howling: “The moon! I'm getting a moon burn! Oh God, it HURTS! Moon burn!”

Then I rolled over and started crawling past her for the back door.  

She occasionally called me Moonie.

And I have no idea how Kevin and Annalee got their nicknames. I suppose that would be something I could ask him in the near future. Instead, however, we will recount these happenings later because what I have told you thus far is merely the best of memory I have before we arrived.

Ah, what a delicate place. What with their oriental sensibilities and their strange, fried food. And noodles. Good Gods, I hate noodles. Especially ramen noodles. When I was a child I remember being fond of them. That was, until, my mother lost her job and we had applied for food stamps and all we could afford was ramen. A lot of people who have these benefits are expected to fill in the gaps with their own money. We didn't have that extra money so what we were awarded was all we got.

We had rent, car insurance, car payments, repair payments, electricity, gas, water, medical and a whole slew of bills we had to pay after my mom got her unemployment check.

Needless to say, we were poor.

But onto other things; I recounted all the events that happened the next day to the translator. And being here, of course they spoke Japanese. There wasn't a bit of English and it was driving me insane listening to a giant garbled mess.

I sat at an interrogation table, listening to what was being translated. Thank the Gods I wasn't in there with Mr. Ibiki. I think because we seemed like a minimal threat that they didn't feel like they had to get out their big-guns. The entire situation was bizarre as it was which was why they needed to question us all separately, alone.

I still couldn't believe I was there. Everything was so floaty and off-balance that I could have sworn it was a dream. The only thing that kept me at least half-assed in reality was the fact that I had a pounding headache.

“Is there anything else we need to know?” The translator talked to me slowly.

“I'm sorry,” I replied, “That is all I know. I have no idea how we got here, no joking.”
“You'll be escorted to go see the Hokage here momentarily.” He said, gesturing for us to get up. I nodded, my hands still tied uncomfortably behind my back. I would finally be back with my friends and family. He led me out of the room.

Then he opened a door and pushed me in slightly. The first person with whom I shared eye contact with was Marissa. I sighed very heavily and sat next to her on the bench. The others shuffled around a bit to make room for me. The translator spoke briefly to her in Japanese before leaving.
“I didn't know you were fluent in Japanese. And here I thought you only knew Spanish.” I commented, leaning against her and resting my throbbing head on her shoulder.
“I know a lot of things you don't know about,” She replied. I took in her scent of candy bananas and sighed.

“How the hell did we get ourselves into this situation?” I grumbled rhetorically, my eyes straying over to the red-head in the corner, “I think you have those answers, Kevin.”

“Well, the whole gang is here at least.” Annalee pointed out, being the only one with her hands tied in front of her as opposed to the back. I think they did that because her pregnant belly was well beyond obvious.

“Can't think of who else I'd want to be with,” Marissa noted as I lifted my head. Her long bangs were dyed orange while the rest remained their natural color; brown. With as softly as she said that, I wasn't sure if she were being sarcastic or serious. Her hazel eyes went back to me, “...Do you think their Fire Shadow is going to interview us individually like they did in the interrogation room or have us all in there at once?”

“The title is properly pronounced Hokage,” Kevin managed to say, his eyes and head still down-trodden. He obviously felt guilty about something. His head swayed a bit, as if he were having the floaty, dream-like experience as well.

“My head feels awful light,” Annalee whined. She'd had her dark, red hair up in a high-pony tail. That and she'd had on a dress-like shirt that exposed the roundness of her belly and her maternity pants beneath. “When are we going home? I was supposed to meet with my boss tomorrow to see if I would still have a job after I had the twins. I'm really nervous about this, you know.”

So, I wasn't the only one worried about that. That was when Marissa's boyfriend, Mark, spoke up, “I think the reason we're feeling this way is because of the dimensional flux that happened to make it possible for us to come here.”

“So our brains and spirits got stretched in the process of traveling?” I asked, looking him over. He was a few inches taller than Kevin and had dirty-blonde hair that was a bit shaggy but not curly.

“Something like that.” He replied. I knew something was happening to him. Marissa mentioned that it was something greatly important to the future of the United States and to its citizens. She didn't give me any other information regarding that because they assumed that because of what he did they'd got their telephones tapped. That was when the intruder came into my house after Kevin. I can't believe they actually came to the house instead of taking the next plane out to China or Russia or somewhere else to seek refuge.

“So, what do we do now?” Annalee, the youngest of all of us, asked.

“We wait until the interview, I'm assuming.” I replied. I was surprised that Kevin wasn't more excited about being here. I mean, I can understand being disgruntled about being locked up, but the mere fact that we were in Konoha of all places should have made him ecstatic. Before we get into detail about this magical place, I will explain how we know Marissa and Mark.

I met Marissa in college. Granted, we didn't have any classes together. Our first encounter was on the bus. I told her that I thought she was really pretty and that I loved all the colorful, rainbow outfits that she'd worn. We got into the conversation about it being anti-goth in concept yet also not being so anti in anything. The first things we discussed were video games. Eventually, it got into a conversation about writing. We shared a lot of our fanfiction ideas and then briefly about our original titles.

From then on, we became friends. And I'm quite surprised at this, too, seeing as she's particularly antagonistic about the bus population in general. I'm pretty sure she could point out maybe fifty things wrong about the society in those large caravans in a single setting. I'm pretty sure she'll have to explain the rest to you.

Soon enough, we exchanged numbers and she dragged me to the writing club at the college. We've been very good friends since then. I would have to say that I consider her one of my best friends.  That, and her boyfriend, Mark, is the only boyfriend of any of my friends to actually remember my name!

She said that she found him when she stopped looking for a boyfriend. That and now that she has a boyfriend, she cannot keep creepy guys from asking her out! It's funny how a change in status can attract these kinds of things.  

I don't know a lot about Mark other than he's in the computer engineering field and that he has a very well paying job that supports the both of them. Marissa has a single semester to go at the University before she graduates. Her field of work would compliment Mark's work, seeing as it has to do with computers as well.

They're both younger than me. Kevin and I are the oldest of our group. We're both at twenty-eight-years-of-age. Mark is twenty-five while Marissa is twenty-four. Annalee and Miguel are both twenty-three.

I honestly don't know a lot about Miguel other than we're related. We've met maybe three to four times in our lives but we never got deep into conversation about ourselves. I know that him and Kevin get along, seeing as whenever they're visiting together they tend to either play video games or talk about them.

As for job titles, Annalee is a beautician who went to school specifically to do hair and nails. Her mother had done the same thing but got out of that field when doing so started to become expensive. Miguel works as a customer service representative. He talks on the telephone a lot. Kevin works part-time and goes to college to basically do the same things as Marissa and Mark.

Myself, my main career is writing and art but because I can't get a proper job in that field – even though I have the credentials – I ended up working as a Peer Support Specialist in the mental health field. On the side, I read people's fortunes and am a Reiki student who just recently passed my second degree. I plan on getting my third attunement sometime so I can become a master and teach it to others. I'm also training to become a priestess of the faith.

And before we get any further into the plot, or just our backgrounds in general, I need to explain the place in which we have been transported. I'm sure about three quarters of the American population is unfamiliar with anime or anything that is imported from Japanese culture. I'm sure the most anybody knows about this genre of entertainment are the parents who are being annoyed with buying their kids the latest Pokémon or YuGiOh products on the market.

The word anime is just a shortened way of saying animation by native Japanese speakers. They developed a cartoony art-style back in the 1950's to use in their animated films. What they were trying to do was emulate the old style of Betty Boop and others. The very first pieces that came to America in that time were Astro Boy and Little Witch Sally. The genre got a bad reputation because some of the first stuff that was exposed to American directors were videos of extreme violence and rape. They didn't want to have anything to do with it, which was why it did not become popular at that time.

Those that did make it to the silver screen were heavily edited and much of the original plots just bamboozled. In my opinion, it may be a good introduction to the culture but is embarrassingly presented as mere children's shows.

Honestly, I was an anime fan before it got popular. I remember as a kid the older fans talked about how they sent fansubbed VCR tapes through the mail at no charge. The only money that was dished out was the expense of postal services. For those unfamiliar, the difference between a Sub and a Dub are as such: Sub is an abbreviation of the word Subtitled. A lot of fans prefer the style of subtitling simply because back in the day it was the only way to watch a show or movie uncut. A dub is what happens when a program is released to an American audience. Which means that they hire actors to do voice-overs for the characters.

In the past it was mostly taboo to enjoy an anime dubbed in English. Now, that it has been licensed by bigger companies that actually do the work to keep the story and translations as accurate as possible, dubs have been deemed acceptable. That and the acting has gotten hella better than in the past.

With these in the works, anime has actually become pretty popular and just about anyone can recognize them based on seeing artwork. Not everyone is as open to seeing it as an actual genre of entertainment, having called it Satanic or worse. Much similar to what fundamentalists have done to Dungeons & Dragons and others.

The specific world we're in now is the one of Naruto.  The manga was released in 2000 in Japan and then in America in 2003. I'm unsure of the anime release dates but I'm sure it was soon after the release of the comic.

It stars a twelve-year-old named Naruto who lives in a village that is prevalent with ninja of their culture. Not the kind of ninja with their shuriken, black gi and masks. Not a ninja in the traditional sense, at least. They wear either military uniforms or completely absurd yet somehow grunge outfits.

Now Naruto is this kid who attended the Ninja Academy to become their lowest ranking ninja: Genin. He'd failed at several attempts and was just an obnoxious, annoying kid in general. The sad part is the fact that he's an orphan yet somehow he can keep a job and pay for all his bills. He lives in own house and has all say-so over his living circumstance and has little to no respect for authorities.

What I don't understand is the fact that all these kids are entering ninja school. While engaged in the series, we are never informed on how they expect these kids to be fit for military if they've not even a hint at a basic grammar education. Kishimoto, the creator, never fills these plot holes for us.
Frankly, I am against the idea of indoctrinating kids into not only practically worshiping their military authorities but to join their ranks before their sixteenth birthday.

The world in which this little boy is strung up in is something similar to Feudal Japan. All the countries take up this continent and are named after their differing elements. To name a few of them, for an example, would have to be the countries of Water, Waves, Earth, Grass, Air, and Fire(where Naruto is from). These places are run by royalty named Daimyo and their governments aren't as set in stone as the ones we have in our world.

Within these countries there are single villages that are run by ninja. Those who rule in these places are called Kage. The person entrusted with this title proves to be something like a president or prime minister but in a more militant sense than politics. Those who are the best ninja are elected as these officials and can stay in office for either their entire lives or until they want to step down and give someone else the honors.

I'll give more information regarding ninja ranks and teams in a later chapter.

So, one by one, we were interviewed by their Hokage. I was the last one to speak with her. I gave the same story as the one before without missing a beat. Hopefully, I had done my best with the translator. What made me nervous was the fact that there was a woman there, standing beside the Shadow's desk, taking notes. I frowned, thinking that this was no time for psychotherapy.

I knew our private discussion was over when she stood and motioned toward the door. With a nod, the translator went and slid it open. He invited the others to come in. When they were at a reasonable distance, I stood up as well. Our attention was at her. The usual cleavage in her shirt wasn't there. She had covered it up with both her shirt and the green Hokage jacket. It didn't hide the bruises on her collar, though. We had really done a number on her, didn't we? I almost felt bad. Almost.

The memory caused Mark to force himself from laughing. Marissa silently scolded him. He sighed. We all stood in a group together as the translator and the woman taking notes stood at each side of the woman, whom I'm assuming is Tsunade, moved to the front of the desk. She didn't want anything to block our attention, apparently. That, or she was being overly polite. I'm not sure at this moment because of how our appearance affected her.

We stood there, silent, staring across the space of our separate groups before she spoke.

Her words were short, slow, and concise. Between each sentence there was a breath of silence so that the translation would be made in proper time.

“Your story is an extraordinary one and is incredibly unbelievable.” He was silent as she spoke, then went on, “There isn't enough evidence to surmise whether or not you're telling the truth. We have examined not only yourselves but the inside of your house. It seems ordinary enough to not pose a real threat – however – there are a few items of special interest that we have never come across before. Those will be evaluated soon enough. You had better be prepared to explain further the purpose of these objects.”

He went silent as the Hokage continued the last of her monologue. After her silence, she nodded at him as if to urge him to continue.

“While here in Konoha, you will act as civilians who wish to obtain citizenship. Your case and mysterious appearance will be kept a secret until we figure out how you got here and what your purpose of coming is. You are thereby ordered to assume aliases while here and to learn the language and culture. The reason it is it to be kept under ties is because we don't want our enemies to be able to use this case as a way to direct harm against us or yourselves.

“If you are hiding anything it will be brought to the surface eventually. Until then, you will be kept under strict surveillance... Are there any questions?”

“I have one,” I raised a loose hand.

“Go ahead.”

“When will we be able to move back into the house?”

He repeated what I said to Tsunade then she answered, “When we're done inspecting the items stated before.”

“Okay, I –... I mean – we – have no problem explaining what those appliances do. But you have to understand that there is food in the refrigerator and we'll need the furnace when it gets cold. On top of that, there is no running water. Is there someway we could get hooked up to utilities before the day is over?”

The translator went over it with the Hokage. She nodded and he reiterated it, “That can be taken care of as soon as the morning. However, the bill will be on your heads. You'd best be able to figure out how to pay for it.”

“No problem.” I looked at the others. They were about as bewildered as I was. My eyes glanced over Kevin's. His expression was still, without a doubt, filled with guilt. I wondered if he told the interrogator something he hadn't told us and it was obvious that the Hokage knew but hadn't informed the rest of us. It was awfully suspicious.

And yes, having the house transported to this place did disconnect all of our utilities. Our very life-source. What I couldn't understand was how Mark and Marissa managed to get his vespa scooter here. I had passed out before things got underway, so those are empty gaps that I cannot explain.

Honestly, I couldn't explain anything that was happening. I swear to Zeus, it had to be a dream. I'll go to sleep tonight and everything will be back to normal in the morning. I'll get up at five thirty in the morning and get ready for work. Go through the droning day as usual, go get some groceries for the week, come home and do a load of laundry and then sit down in front of my laptop and get another chapter of my novel written. It'll be all honky-dory and life will be as it was meant to be.

 Or at least that's what I had hoped.

“Oh, and also,” The translator finished, “You'll have to choose names that are native to our land. Also, you're to learn the language and culture so you may get steady jobs to pay your debts. Since Marissa is the one most fluent, it is up to her to choose those names. You have ten minutes to talk among yourselves about that.”

Tsunade let out a gutteral sigh, then plopped back down into her office chair.

“What kind of names should we choose?” Annalee was the first to question.

“I don't know!” I replied and looked at Marissa, “Try to name us after objects or ideas. That seems to be how all the artists and authors do it these days.”

“Oh great, Kishimoto meets Takeuchi time.” This was obviously taxing on her.

“I want to be Kaneda the bad-ass.” Was Mark's immediate reply.

“So you'd be Yagaru... No, no, that's not it. That's an accent at the end of a sentence,” Marissa thought, “What about Akudo?”

“Akudo Kaneda is fine with me,” Mark finished.

“You're an old school fanatic, aren't you? Not every day you see another anime character with the name 'Kaneda'” Kevin scowled.

“Shut up, you ass!” Easily towering over Kevin, Mark took his hand and grabbed the top of his head, pushing him down.

“Cut it out, you two!” Marissa scolded, “We need to think of other names. What about your guys' family name, Hope? I could easily name you Nozomi.”

“Make them like doves.” Annalee popped in, “You know, peace?”

“But in the east their sign of peace is the crane.” Kevin remarked.

“So my name would be Hope of the Crane?” I blinked.

“Yep. You're Tsuruno Nozomi.” Marissa nodded, “I'm assuming you want the same surname, Kevin?”

“Anything that has to do with water,” His guilt seemed to be washed away, if only momentarily, “'Cause you know, I'm awesome like that.”

“Tsuruno Mizu? ...No, that's too simple and doesn't sound good as a name.” Marissa's brows pressed together. We had all huddled together much like that of a football team preparing their next move.

“What about Mizumaru?” Mark asked, “I mean, Kishimoto named a character Shikamaru, for crying out loud. Shika means dear and Maru added onto it just means best son, correct?”

“That okay with you?” Mark's girlfriend question.

“It's fine with me. Tsuruno Mizumaru, I'll be.” Kevin nodded, then looked across the circle at Annalee. There was a glare on her face. It wasn't because of the conversation, it was because of me.

“Why the hell do you smell like incense and oil all the time?” She grumbled at me, who was standing next to her in the huddled circle. Then she hissed out, “Devil-worshiper.”

With a sigh, I rolled my eyes. “This isn't about religion. This is about names. Now, what name do you want?”

“Something that has to do with snow.” Her eyes went back to the others, “For my first name I want something cute and short that way I'll remember.”

“Well, Kosetsu naturally translates into first snowfall.” Marissa replied, “So I guess yours and Miguel's surname could be Kosetsuno, which is basically first snow fall of.”

“I think she should be named after what best suits her,” I remarked sarcastically, “We should call her either love or acceptance.”

Naturally, she glared at me again.

“The name Ai is cute and short. How does Kosetsuno Ai sound, Annalee?”

“Sounds good. What do you think, Miguel?” She asked, her husband.

“I kind of like the name Souichiro. It has a professional ring to it, you know? Like almost old-world.” He smiled.

“Then Kosetsuno Souichiro.” Marissa nodded, then looked up. “And for myself...”

“You better make something more awesome than my name,” I said to her.

“How about a Korean name that can easily be read in Katakana?” Was what Mark said.

“Kata-who-wuh?” Was Annalee's response.

“I kind of admire the actress Choi Hana,” Again, Marissa nodded, “And it's really simple written out in Katakana. That should be my name, maybe?”

“What does it mean, though?” I asked.

Her eyes smiled, as if nervously, and she giggled a bit, “Tall flower.”

“Because you're TALL, right?” Mark said amidst a laugh.

“Oh, you are awful, Kaneda-kun!” I shared his laughter.

“Quit laughing! Flowers grow tall all the time!” She defended herself.

“Enough of that!” The translator scolded. Our little bubble broke out and we were standing individually again. “Your ten minutes is up. What are the names you have chosen?”

“I have chosen the name Choi Hana,” Marissa spoke. Then she started pointing us out, with each name tagged, “This is Tsuruno Nozomi. This is Tsuruno Mizumaru. My boyfriend here is Akudo Kaneda. This is Kosetsuno Souichiro and his wife Kosetsuno Ai.”

“A family, I'm presuming.” There were sounds of the pencil etching on the clipboard. He was taking notes.

“Watashi-tachi wa,” Marissa, or Hana, said in Japanese, “Kazoku no Tsuru!”

The Crane family, huh?

.o.o,o.

The only thing that was keeping us out of the house for a good, considerable few hours was the fact that we had to explain to the nin, who had swept over the place, what a laptop was. It was almost outrageous, in my opinion. They have running water, electricity, had the technological capacity of maybe America in the 1990's. Save for the internet or personal computers, they'd had it all.

And what really pissed me off was the fact that they can have a giant-assed, freaking computer to match up young ninja in the chuunin exams yet they were completely oblivious to what a laptop was. Oh my goodness, what is wrong with you?

Thus, we have to suffer through the plot-holes that Kishimoto gives us. I swear, fans must have a big fat target on their back saying, “Har, har, yoo can't hit me with your plot-hole paint gun”, then at the end of the match they're drenched in pain like it were some gigantic bird dropping. I mean, you're dripping in the stuff. It's completely unimaginable and is a horrible analogy. I think now is a good time to get on with the story.

Luckily, they had collected enough information to be able to leave us alone. I was almost afraid that they were going to confiscate my beautiful electronics but was spared. I was only warned to keep them out of sight of any visitors that may come in.

When calling the water and electrical company there, I politely asked if the deposit of these services would bill me at a later time, seeing as I hadn't any currency to my name here. Of course, I couldn't have been the one to talk on the phone – that was all Hana's doing. She had a stronger back then myself because she managed to talk them into doing as we needed.

I imagine we'd have to go to a bank to get a loan to pay for all these bills that we were accumulating. It'd be kind of hard because we didn't have any credit here. We'd need a cosigner and I knew bruised-booby-Tsunade wouldn't have anything to do with that. If she did that and it was publicly known, then fifty-thousand or so agencies would want her to do the same for them. Then it just wouldn't be fair, ya know?  

Yeah, and I got a line open for my land-line. I got the bone-dry, most basic service available. Only local calls and no other bullshit. If we were really here, we wouldn't be able to call our family, right? Even on our cell phones there was proof; absolutely no signal whatsoever. There weren't any satellites, either, because we couldn't get so much as the time here. How lame was that?
I definitely looked forward to sleep. Unfortunately, though, what I had were nightmares.

Then there was a giant thud. Upon feeling this, I was jarred awake. Had I really passed out the night before? I tried to piece together everything that had happened but was coming up with a blank. Maybe it was one of those nights that I'd had too much to drink? I was unsure, simply because I didn't wake up with a pounding headache. Perhaps a chaser was provided with the booze. The thing of it, though, was the fact that I hadn't smelled any trace of alcohol in the living room. Walking around a bit, I checked the trash can in the kitchen. It was empty. Maybe Kevin had taken it out?

I heard voices outside. I was hoping it wasn't Kevin arguing with the landlord again. I could hear his and Annalee's voice loud and clear. Had she stayed the night or just came by this morning?

Why did I wake up on the floor? If I'm not hung-over, shouldn't I be in bed or at least on the couch?

And what were they arguing about?

My feet took me back into the living room from the kitchen. The door was open and I went to it. I gently pushed it open and looked at all the participants outside. A bit shocked, I looked at the scene before me. Kevin was talking to Marissa about something in the garden, I'm assuming, because they were looking down at the bottom of the house.

The scenery was different, though. There wasn't the sidewalk that led from the door to the driveway. There weren't familiar bushes or bustling cars on the freeway. It was mostly forest and other buildings.

“I'm sorry, but uh, I don't speak Hong Kong Fooey!” Was Annalee's reaction to the strangers on our doorstep.  She stood there, with one hand behind her, pushing in her back. Those uniforms looked familiar. Who were theses guys?

A few more things were said by our guests. They spoke fast and in Japanese, I presumed.

Upon fully opening the door and taking a step out, I noticed that Kevin and Marissa weren't talking about my garden and the reason the military guys were going hysterical was because there was someone buried under the house!

“Oh Gods, what happened?!” I managed to yell out and nearly trip on my feet because the stairs simply weren't there. Stumbling to regain my balance, I looked at the scene.

“Man, what did we land on?” Kevin asked, listening to the whir of oriental conversation behind him. Then Marissa, being fluent in several languages, tried to decipher it.

“...Something about their fire-shadow, Tsunade.”

“Whoa,” He replied. It seemed the only thing keeping her body from being completely crushed were her massive breasts. “That's one hell of a mammogram.”

And dammit, the phone rang before my alarm went off. My eyes shot open. I was wide awake.

I answered it, “H-...Hello?”

It was the translator from the day before, “We found a Japanese tutor for your family. He is fluent in several languages, much like Choi-san.”

“Yeah?”

“He's scheduled to come to your house this morning at ten hundred hours.” I wasn't awake enough to understand military time. I suppose I could ask one of the others after I washed up.

“Does this tutor have a name?” I asked, sitting up in bed and pushing the covers off. Kevin had obviously gotten up. I could hear the burr of socializing in the other room.

“Don't be sarcastic with me. Especially, if I provided you a free service to speak to the Hokage. And yes, he does have a name.”

“Who is it?” I pushed some of the hair away from my face.

“Kobayashi Ebisu-sensei.”