Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man: All About Eva ❯ Chapter 1
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Lord_Raa 
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.20.2004 | Updated On: 04.21.2004 | Pages: 8 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 3.5K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.20.2004 | Updated On: 04.21.2004 | Pages: 8 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 3.5K | Status: Completed
The Adventures Jusenkyo Man:
All About Eva
Part 1
By Lord Raa
Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised & posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters.
Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.
You're on your own from here on.
PS:- This takes place early in Evangelion.
Like any of you care.
***********
Shinji looked at the strange penguin that greeted himself and Misato at the door to their apartment.
"Waark?"
"Don't mind Pen-Pen," Misato advised as she waved her young charge into the small apartment. "He's your other roommate. Your room is that one there."
Shinji blinked. "Ok."
'Thank god Pen-pen was at the door to distract him from the mess.' Misato set their food down on the table on her way to the fridge. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Apple juice, please Misato-san."
Handing the Evangelion pilot his drink, Misato opened her beer. "Cheers."
"Cheers," Shinji replied half-heartedly.
The captain nearly emptied her can in the first few gulps. After exhaling deeply, her whole demeanour changed to that of a footloose and fancy-free young woman.
"That's the good stuff. Well, Shinji this is your home here. Feel free to take advantage of everything here. Except me, of course," she finished with a chuckle.
If Shinji got the captain's joke, he gave no indication. Instead he stared at his drink with a pathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry to be a bother to you, Misato-san."
Rolling her eyes, she decided that a bath would make the boy feel better.
"Why don't you take a bath, Shinji-kun? Bathing cleans both body and soul."
"Thank you, Misato-san."
**********
"Another unfamiliar ceiling," Shinji thought aloud. His musing was
Interrupted by the door opening.
"Waark."
Turning his head, Shinji saw the penguin waddle into the bathroom.
"What?"
The penguin gave a gesture that seemed to say "move over." "Wark?"
Shifting to the edge of the bath, Shinji made enough room for the warm water penguin.
'There's something creepy about this penguin,' Shinji didn't dared voice his thoughts.
'If he was any more timid, he'd implode. Now, what's the best way to boast confidence? I know just the thing.'
The penguin seemed to smirk at the confidence impaired boy.
Despite the hot bath, Shinji shivered. 'I've got a bad feeling about this.'
**********
After the other residents fell asleep, Pen-Pen emerged from his fridge.
'Nobody suspects the penguin,' he thought sneakily.
Morphing to a human form, he opened a window so that he could return after his mission.
He changed shape again, this time to that of a small bird and took off for the apartment of a young girl.
**********
Having spent some time exploring Tokyo 3, Ranma knew the best way to the albino pilot's apartment block.
Arriving at the dilapidated building, the swallow made its way to Rei's room. Finding the door unlocked, the bird pushed it open to allow access.
Ranma was not impressed when he saw the state of the girl. 'She's not much good for my plan in that state. I need to heal her enough to save Shinji's hide if he needs it but not so much that suspicion is aroused.'
The swallow morphed into the shape of a muscular man with long black hair tied back in a pigtail. Pulling clothes from seemingly nowhere, Ranma made quiet steps to Rei's bed for some magical healing.
It was at this time that Ranma placed the notion that Rei needed to protect Shinji.
After a few minutes Ranma departed in bird form, leaving a much healthier Rei Ayanami in bed.
**********
Misato woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking.
"Mmm, food," she shuffled towards the dining are like a zombie.
"Morning Misato," Shinji greeted his guardian.
Misato looked at Shinji. "There's something different about you today, Shinji."
Shinji blushed under the intense scrutiny of his room mate.
'He seems so much cuter...' Misato shook her head to clear the improper thoughts. "Get me a beer, will ya Shinji?"
Shinji handed the captain the drink. "Here you are, Misato."
"You attend school today, try not to cause too much trouble for me. I can't afford to spend too much time away from Nerv," Katsuragi teased gently. She knew full well that Shinji hated to bother others.
Shinji just looked at his feet.
**********
At school Shinji's class were nearly bored to tears at the teacher's dull lesson. A bleep caused him to turn his attention to the computer in his desk.
A message was waiting for him.
[Are you the pilot of that robot? Y/N?]
'I hope I don't regret this'. He typed in the truth.
[Yes]
Suddenly, he was surrounded by a crowd of students.
"Wow man, that's so cool!"
"What's it like inside the cockpit of that thing?"
"I'm not supposed to talk about classified things like that," Shinji tried to weasel his way out of answering technical questions that he didn't really understand.
"Pilot Ikari is correct."
These four words ceased the commotion instantly. Not because of the tone, but because of who said them.
"Whoa, it must be important if Ayanami gets involved," one of the boys in the class voiced the general consensus.
His comment was greeted with what looked like a death glare, but that would be ridiculous, as it came from Rei Ayanami.
Before anybody could say anything else, the chimes that signalled the end of the lesson sounded.
Touji and Kensuke gestured to each other that they should have words with Ikari.
***********
Outside, Touji grabbed Shinji by the front of the shirt.
"I'm really mad, right now."
The jock, threw the spinally challenged boy the floor. Cracking his knuckles, he prepared to throw a right jab as punishment for injuring his sister.
"Sorry Newcomer, but I just have to let off some steam."
Suddenly, Rei was standing between the boys.
"What are you doing here Ayanami?" Kensuke asked.
"Ikari-kun is needed to pilot Evangelion Unit 01. I cannot allow his ability to pilot to be impaired by any incidents that occur in his civilian life. I will do everything in my power to protect Ikari-kun," Ayanami's tone was calm as normal, yet more than a little threatening.
"Uh ok," Kensuke started to sweat like the coward he was.
Touji was more reluctant to back down but realised that if he wanted to get payback on Shinji, he'd have to go through the albino. Furious as he was, he knew that he'd regret hurting a girl. Never mind one that was injured.
Spitting on the ground, he turned on his heel and strode off with Kensuke in tow.
Shinji was a little unsure of what just happened. "Ayanami-san, is everything all right?"
Rei turned to the boy on the floor. "We are needed at Nerv, pilot Ikari. Please come with me."
"Ok, Ayanami-san," Shinji got to his feet and quickly made his way to the Nerv headquarters.
**********
The two pilots travelled in silence. This was a good thing as Rei's mind was in disarray. 'I have never had these feelings before. They are much stronger than after the time Commander Ikari came to my rescue. Protecting Ikari-kun gives me a new purpose.'
Shinji was concerned that he might be responsible for the suffering of more people in Tokyo-3 because of his actions. 'I hope that this mission will go a little more smoothly that the last one.'
**********
Misato was glad that the Eva pilots arrived promptly. 'The sooner they defeat this Angel, the sooner we can get out of here.'
"Misato-san, what's going on?"
"Shinji, the fourth Angel has appeared. We need you to defeat it quickly."
Shinji nodded and left for the changing rooms.
**********
After the Angel stopped moving due to a progressive knife penetrating the core, the power in Unit 01 ran out causing it to remain statue-like in the streets of Tokyo-3.
Misato was not impressed by Shinji's disregard for her order to pull back and was preparing to rip him a new one.
Ayanami saw the look one the captain's face and moved to intercept.
"Captain Katsuragi."
"What is it Rei?" Misato's voice just oozed impatience.
"Before you speak with pilot Ikari, you should be aware of the fact that he was trying to protect people from harm. It was not his intention to disobey your orders," Rei explained for the young Ikari.
Forced onto the back foot because Rei had initiated a conversation, Misato was given a chance to cool off and allow the injured girl's words to sink in.
"I will take that under advisement, Rei. Now if you'll excuse me." Misato moved around the red eyed girl and off to have words with Shinji.
Rei was briefly awash with a pleasant sensation. 'I will look out for Ikari-kun more often.'
***********
"Just what the hell do you think you were doing out there?" the purple haired captain shouted at Shinji. "You're supposed to follow my orders, Shinji!"
"I'm sorry Misato-san, but does it matter? I beat the Angel, didn't I?"
Misato moved in close to stare the boy down. "If you don't follow orders, what good are you to Nerv?"
Shinji backed off as he felt his guardian's breath on his face.
"But..."
"But nothing Shinji, you were lucky this time. And luck runs out. But since you managed to leave the Angel in a relatively complete state, I shall forgive you this once. You might still get punished at a later time. Understand?"
Shinji gulped and nodded nervously.
"Good. Now let's get home, you've got dinner to cook." Misato had a smile on her face as the notion of punishing Shinji involved spanking him on the bottom. She shook her head to dislodge the naughty thoughts that involved Shinji. 'That's twice in one day, I thought about him like that,' Misato's comment was kept to herself. 'Perhaps I should speak with Ritsuko?'
**********
That night, Misato lay in the bath allowing the heated water to soothe away her stress from the life or death situation that had occurred earlier. Seeing the phone nearby, she recalled that she had thought about speaking with her college friend about Shinji.
"Ritsuko, can I ask a favour?"
*Possibly. What about?*
"Shinji. Something just seems different about him. I can't put my finger on it and it's really bugging me. Could you give him a physical?"
*Sure, bring him in tomorrow. I'll compare the results and let you know.*
"Thanks, Ritsuko. I owe you one."
*I'm pretty sure that it's more than one, Misato. I seem to recall dragging your drunken carcass back to the dorm room several times.*
Misato hung up on the giggling doctor.
"Bitch."
*********
Ritsuko sipped her coffee as she waited for Shinji to arrive at the infirmary for his physical examination. 'Misato seemed awfully paranoid about Shinji's condition, I hope nothing in the cockpit systems is affecting the pilots,' she mused.
When the young Ikari knocked on the door, she looked up from her computer.
"Come in."
"Dr Akagi? You wanted to see me," Shinji asked in his usual timid manner.
Turning to the boy, she appraised him carefully. "Yes, this is just a check up to see how you are handling the stresses of piloting Unit 01."
"Ok."
"Now undress and sit on the bench, please."
Shinji's face turned red. "B-but Dr Akagi..."
"What? I'm a doctor and a grown woman, you've got nothing that I've not seen examples of before."
"That's not it," Shinji whined.
The blonde sighed. "Then what is it? I can turn up the heating if you're cold."
"Can I talk to you about something, Dr?" Shinji looked up from studying his feet.
"Of course, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko sat next to her boss's son. "You can tell me anything."
Shinji took a deep breath. "Do you think Misato and Rei have been acting strangely recently?"
"Rei has always been a bit strange, compared to the norm for teenagers. But I've not noticed anything different about Misato. Why?"
Shinji related the events that transpired earlier to the doctor, not noticing the glazed look in her eyes.
"Hmm," Ritsuko agreed. She caught herself before she placed a hand on Shinji's thigh. 'What am I doing? He's just a boy! And what would the commander say?'
"Are you all right, Dr?" Shinji asked when he saw the look of horror on the woman's face.
Blushing, she realised that she'd been staring at the pilot's lap. "I'm fine, Shinji-kun. Now, can I take a blood sample?"
Shinji nodded and held out his arm, bracing himself for the discomfort of a minor bloodletting.
Not trusting herself not to do something sordid, Ritsuko took the blood sample to the lab personally.
"I'll be back shortly, Shinji-kun. If you need a drink, help yourself to coffee."
A few minutes after Dr Akagi left, Maya Ibuki arrived, looking for her mentor. Noticing that Shinji seemed to be nursing his arm, she stepped up to him.
"Shinji-kun, is everything all right?" she asked, gesturing to his arm.
"Yes, Dr Akagi just wanted to take a blood sample down to the lab. She'll be back soon if you want her."
Maya sat next to the pilot. "I'll wait here, if you don't mind."
"I don't mind at all, Ibuki-san," Shinji said honestly.
Maya looked at Shinji, her eyes taking in his lithe form. "Is Akagi-sempai doing a full physical examination?"
"I think so. She said something about monitoring the stresses of piloting Unit 01."
Ritsuko returned as Maya thought about "assisting" the doctor.
"Maya, what are you doing here?"
"I brought that report you wanted. Do you need any help in examining Shinji-kun?" Maya asked hopefully.
Ritsuko blinked. "I don't think that would be appropriate, Maya."
Maya pouted, but decided that she'd visit Shinji later to see how he was settling into his new life in Tokyo-3. "I'll catch up with you later," she said.
Ritsuko, having splashed her face with cold water, was now ready to examine Shinji.
'Come on, Ritsuko. Be calm and clinical, just as you would be with Rei,' the blonde pushed away any improper thoughts. "Now Shinji, I need you to undress so I can gather your vital statistics."
As Shinji nodded and moved behind the screen to shed his clothing, Ritsuko prepared the scales and other measuring equipment.
Sitting down on the bench, Shinji tried to cover himself. Dr Akagi smiled when she saw how much of a poor job Shinji was doing.
"Kindly step on the scales Shinji-kun."
Ritsuko managed to behave in a professional fashion. Up until the point the little voice in her head that it was perfectly fine to give Shinji a prostate exam.
"DR!" Shinji exclaimed, not being used to having things travel the wrong way up a one-way street.
"I'm sorry for that, Shinji-kun. I have to do a full physical. Now, I need one last sample from you," she had a smile. Said smile was enough to scare even the dumbest of humans and Shinji was not known for his bravery.
The door burst open with an irate looking Rei scanning the room for the source of Shinji's distress.
Backing away, Shinji reached for something to cover his trembling body.
"Dr Akagi, are you supposed to touch your patients like that?" Rei asked the bottle blonde.
Ritsuko stammered as she tried to formulate a feasible excuse for molesting a 14 year old boy. "I was just giving Shinji-kun a check up. Misato was concerned that something had happened to him."
"What would cause the captain to think that?" Rei asked.
"She said that something 'seemed off' about Shinji," Ritsuko found that she couldn't meet Rei's inquisitive stare.
"So why did you stick a finger up my ass?" Shinji demanded.
"I needed to touch you," Dr Akagi confessed in a quiet voice.
"It seems that people are out to hurt Ikari-kun. I will protect him with my life," Rei's tone was one of absolute truth.
"Ayanami-san?"
"Bullies at school and Angels are not the only threats that you face, Ikari-kun. I shall move in with you and Captain Katsuragi as it will be easier for me to protect you."
Shinji was unsure of what to think. "I don't want to be a bother, Ayanami-san."
Rei turned to face the naked boy. “The Angels must be defeated, Ikari-kun. Your assistance is required." Rei also cast a speculative eye over his body. "Close proximity will make my task easier."
For some reason, Shinji felt like he was being graded like a racehorse that had been put out to stud.
**********
Upon arriving home, Shinji announced to Misato that he had returned.
"Shinji, I've been waiting for you."
"M-misato-san!" Shinji was not prepared for the manner in which his room-mate/legal guardian/commanding officer was dressed.
Sure, he'd seen Misato dressed in little more than a pair of short shorts and a form fitting shirt, but this, this was causing nasal haemorrhaging.
"Captain Katsuragi," Rei interjected.
"What are you doing here?" Misato asked the just noticed third party.
"I am here to protect pilot Ikari. I have seen several threats to his safety and wellbeing since he arrived."
Shinji looked embarrassed for the inconvenience he was putting Rei through. "I'm sorry for being a bother to everyone."
"Protecting you is my purpose," Rei simply stated.
Misato suddenly felt a draft and two more pairs of eyes on her barely covered body.
"Ikari!" Touji and Kensuke exclaimed in unison.
"Why didn't you tell us you lived with this babe?" Touji demanded.
"What is Ayanami doing here?" Kensuke asked, puzzled that the socially defective individual would visit anyone.
"I am here to protect Ikari-kun."
"Oh. But what about you, ma'am?"
"I'm Shinji's," Misato said as she threw her arms around Shinji's neck in a way that contravened several rules of Nerv conduct.
"S-s-shinji's what?" Touji nearly choked on his question.
"Whatever he wants," Misato teased the boys as she licked Shinji's neck.
Two geysers of blood hid the collapse of the "Idiot Duo".
As evidenced by the yawn he let out, exhaustion and stress had gotten the better of Shinji. "Misato-san, I've had a really strange day. Can I go to bed now?"
"Sure thing, Shin-chan. I need to speak with Rei anyway."
As Shinji left for his room, Rei turned to the fantasising woman. "Captain Katsuragi, you are drooling."
Misato turned and glared daggers at the blue haired pilot.
This did not faze Rei in the slightest.
"What do you want, Rei?"
"To protect Ikari-kun."
Misato laughed. "I've never heard it called that before, Rei."
"What do you mean, Captain Katsuragi?" Rei was puzzled by the older woman's euphemism.
Misato blinked. "You're serious, aren't you?"
Rei's nod was the barest of movements.
"I was referring to engaging in sexual intercourse with Shinji," Misato gestured to Shinji's room.
"I have no such plans at this time. I was referring to Dr Akagi."
"What did she do?" Misato was beginning to worry about her friend. And her new friend. Or more accurately, what her old friend was doing to her new boyfriend.
"Akagi-sensei anally violated Ikari-kun with her finger during the examination you requested. I will now move in with you and Ikari-kun to ensure his safety."
'Angel's, bullies and perverts. Poor Shin-chan. I'll do my best to comfort him,' Misato thought with a gleam in her eye.
"I will share Ikari-kun's room as it will allow me to react quickly to any threats," Rei spoke in her usual monotone.
Misato nodded. "Hang on a minute, how do I know that you won't do anything to my Shinji?"
"Ikari-kun has always behaved like a perfect gentleman, Captain Katsuragi. I do not believe that he would try to take advantage of me. In fact I believe that it is you that would do something to Ikari-kun," Rei's lips moved fractionally upwards in what was a victorious smirk for her.
Misato knew a challenge for a man when she saw one. "I'll have you know that I have nothing but Shinji's interests at heart."
Rei was beginning to feel what she understood to be jealousy. "And what make you think that Ikari-kun is interested in some exhibitionist drunkard?"
"YOU BITCH!"
Before Misato could launch her self at the crimson-eyed pilot, Shinji opened the door to his room.
"Could you be quiet please? I'm really tired and if you want breakfast, either let me sleep or make it yourselves," his tone was calm, yet dangerous at the same time.
"Ikari-kun, we are sorry for disturbing you but we need an answer to a pressing matter."
Shinji yawned. "Can't this wait until the morning?"
"But it concerns the sleeping arrangements, Shin-chan," Misato pouted.
"I don't care what happens, as long as I get to sleep in two minutes." With that, Shinji turned and went back to bed.
Rei and Misato blinked. Shinji had given them a blank cheque and they both intended to cash it in.
"I will make sure that nothing happens to Ikari-kun," Rei stated for the record, "during the night."
"What do you mean by that, Rei?" Misato demanded of the girl in front of her.
"Tenacity is a trait common in many people, Captain Katsuragi," a new voice came from the doorway. "I doubt that you'd give up so easily."
"Ritsuko! What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough to my poor Shinji?"
"I've done nothing wrong, Misato," Akagi deluded herself. "He's a teenaged male and they all want sexual gratification."
Rei did not believe that for a second. Misato, however had more experience with men in general and nodded in agreement.
"My purpose is to protect Ikari-kun from all threats. I will not allow Ikari-kun to be disturbed." Rei left the two adults and wedged Shinji's door shut.
"Damn. Anyway, why are you dressed like that?" they spoke in unison.
Doctor Akagi was dressed in a tight fitting lab coat that told the operations officer that 1) Dr Akagi was well developed in the chest area, 2) there was a cool breeze out and 3) if she was wearing a skirt or dress it length was comparable to that of a belt.
Misato's charcoal grey gown-less evening strap was not any better in covering what little modesty the purple haired beauty had.
"Uhn, what happened?" Touji asked. When he managed to open his eyes, he saw something that the doctor had planned to show only to Shinji that evening.
More blood gushed from his nose. When it landed on Kensuke's face, it woke him up.
"Man, I had this really weird dream that Shinji lived with this stellar babe," he groggily said to no-one in particular.
"Thank you, Aida-kun."
The military otaku looked up and saw that he hadn't been dreaming. Drool started to drip from the corner of his mouth. "It's good to be a pilot."
"Yes, well Shinji is tired so you have to go now. All of you." Misato took an authoritative tone with those that had interrupted her plans for Shinji.
Ritsuko pouted cutely at her college friend.
"Sorry, Ritsuko. No room at the inn. Now drag that," she gestured to a grinning Touji, "out of here. Hey, you seem you like younger guys, so why don't you make these boys men?"
Ritsuko looked at the "Idiot Duo". "I'd rather fuck Commander Ikari."
"Why don't you? It'll be the only Ikari you get tonight." Misato would not be lenient on anyone that hurt her Shin-chan.
Ritsuko was lost for words.
Misato had lost all patience with the visitors and left to get her pistol. Chambering a round, she used it to wave the troublemakers away. "Shoo, get out! Don't make me shoot you."
Finally they left, allowing Misato to decide on which bed she would sleep in.
The decision was made for her when she found herself unable to open Shinji's door.
"Damn," she whispered.
**********
Rei gently roused Shinji from his sleep.
"Ikari-kun, it is time for you to wake up. We have a synchronisation test after school."
"Ok Rei," Shinji mumbled. Then the penny dropped. "Rei? What are you doing here?"
"I told you that I would protect you. I spent the night here to ensure that you would not be disturbed."
"Yeah, I remember something about that. I'm sorry to be such a bother to you, Ayanami-san," Shinji was embarrassed by the fact that he'd disrupted Rei's routine.
"It was not a bother, Ikari-kun. I found sleeping next to you in your bed to be both comfortable and pleasant."
It was with that comment, Shinji experienced a condition familiar to all males at one point or another in their lives.
Rei's attention was drawn to the movement of the covers. "Do not move Ikari-kun, there is something in the bed with you."
Misato realised that something could be going on at that very moment and wrenched the door to Shinji's room off the rails.
Just as Rei lifted the sheets to reveal Shinji's very own "Special Unit" in all its glory.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SHINIJI, YOU FILTHY WHORE?"
This was enough to scare the blood out of the enlarged appendage.
"I was concerned that an animal had entered the bed. It was a fair assumption given that this house is not as sanitary as it could be, Captain Katsuragi."
Misato's eye twitched. "What's your apartment like, Rei?"
"The status of my apartment is irrelevant since I will now be living here."
"And just who was it that said you could live here?" Misato demanded.
"Ikari-kun has not expressed a desire for me to leave. Nor has Commander Ikari," Rei's bluntness was quite unnerving.
Feeling that something was not quite right, Shinji decided that now would be a good time to get started on breakfast.
**********
To be continued...
Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pointing out my errors so that I look slightly less foolish.
Author's notes:
As stated at the top of the page, this will make a little bit more sense if you have read (and vaguely enjoyed) The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man.
I would also like to state that some of the inspiration for this came from Otaku D-man (he's got writing skills) Lord The Night Knight ( Eva! Parallel Reality Genesis is an entertaining read) and that lovely piece that was started by Raiden-X and continued by Graceomega - Shinji Huntin' Season. My apologies if this comes off as a poor addition to the "Shinji the Babe-magnet" genre of fanfiction.
If this seems a bit off (compared to my normal efforts), then I'm sorry, but I'm going through a bit of stress with my job at the moment. It has meant that I have to cancel my birthday trip to Tokyo in September.
Grumble, grumble. Stupid outsourcing. Bloody relocation to sodding Chesterfield. Grumble, grumble.
Don't expect too many updates in April, I'll be getting my Crystal Xbox and Crimson Skies, GTA, Rainbow 6 3 and Steel Battalion: Line of Contact (with 40 button controller).
Any questions?
Send your opinions via your normal method.
Email is (lordraa) AT (hotmail.com)
Or (lordraa) AT (digitalpimp.co.uk)
I'll answer what I can, but I make no guarantees.
Toodles.
All About Eva
Part 1
By Lord Raa
Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised & posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters.
Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.
You're on your own from here on.
PS:- This takes place early in Evangelion.
Like any of you care.
***********
Shinji looked at the strange penguin that greeted himself and Misato at the door to their apartment.
"Waark?"
"Don't mind Pen-Pen," Misato advised as she waved her young charge into the small apartment. "He's your other roommate. Your room is that one there."
Shinji blinked. "Ok."
'Thank god Pen-pen was at the door to distract him from the mess.' Misato set their food down on the table on her way to the fridge. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Apple juice, please Misato-san."
Handing the Evangelion pilot his drink, Misato opened her beer. "Cheers."
"Cheers," Shinji replied half-heartedly.
The captain nearly emptied her can in the first few gulps. After exhaling deeply, her whole demeanour changed to that of a footloose and fancy-free young woman.
"That's the good stuff. Well, Shinji this is your home here. Feel free to take advantage of everything here. Except me, of course," she finished with a chuckle.
If Shinji got the captain's joke, he gave no indication. Instead he stared at his drink with a pathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry to be a bother to you, Misato-san."
Rolling her eyes, she decided that a bath would make the boy feel better.
"Why don't you take a bath, Shinji-kun? Bathing cleans both body and soul."
"Thank you, Misato-san."
**********
"Another unfamiliar ceiling," Shinji thought aloud. His musing was
Interrupted by the door opening.
"Waark."
Turning his head, Shinji saw the penguin waddle into the bathroom.
"What?"
The penguin gave a gesture that seemed to say "move over." "Wark?"
Shifting to the edge of the bath, Shinji made enough room for the warm water penguin.
'There's something creepy about this penguin,' Shinji didn't dared voice his thoughts.
'If he was any more timid, he'd implode. Now, what's the best way to boast confidence? I know just the thing.'
The penguin seemed to smirk at the confidence impaired boy.
Despite the hot bath, Shinji shivered. 'I've got a bad feeling about this.'
**********
After the other residents fell asleep, Pen-Pen emerged from his fridge.
'Nobody suspects the penguin,' he thought sneakily.
Morphing to a human form, he opened a window so that he could return after his mission.
He changed shape again, this time to that of a small bird and took off for the apartment of a young girl.
**********
Having spent some time exploring Tokyo 3, Ranma knew the best way to the albino pilot's apartment block.
Arriving at the dilapidated building, the swallow made its way to Rei's room. Finding the door unlocked, the bird pushed it open to allow access.
Ranma was not impressed when he saw the state of the girl. 'She's not much good for my plan in that state. I need to heal her enough to save Shinji's hide if he needs it but not so much that suspicion is aroused.'
The swallow morphed into the shape of a muscular man with long black hair tied back in a pigtail. Pulling clothes from seemingly nowhere, Ranma made quiet steps to Rei's bed for some magical healing.
It was at this time that Ranma placed the notion that Rei needed to protect Shinji.
After a few minutes Ranma departed in bird form, leaving a much healthier Rei Ayanami in bed.
**********
Misato woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking.
"Mmm, food," she shuffled towards the dining are like a zombie.
"Morning Misato," Shinji greeted his guardian.
Misato looked at Shinji. "There's something different about you today, Shinji."
Shinji blushed under the intense scrutiny of his room mate.
'He seems so much cuter...' Misato shook her head to clear the improper thoughts. "Get me a beer, will ya Shinji?"
Shinji handed the captain the drink. "Here you are, Misato."
"You attend school today, try not to cause too much trouble for me. I can't afford to spend too much time away from Nerv," Katsuragi teased gently. She knew full well that Shinji hated to bother others.
Shinji just looked at his feet.
**********
At school Shinji's class were nearly bored to tears at the teacher's dull lesson. A bleep caused him to turn his attention to the computer in his desk.
A message was waiting for him.
[Are you the pilot of that robot? Y/N?]
'I hope I don't regret this'. He typed in the truth.
[Yes]
Suddenly, he was surrounded by a crowd of students.
"Wow man, that's so cool!"
"What's it like inside the cockpit of that thing?"
"I'm not supposed to talk about classified things like that," Shinji tried to weasel his way out of answering technical questions that he didn't really understand.
"Pilot Ikari is correct."
These four words ceased the commotion instantly. Not because of the tone, but because of who said them.
"Whoa, it must be important if Ayanami gets involved," one of the boys in the class voiced the general consensus.
His comment was greeted with what looked like a death glare, but that would be ridiculous, as it came from Rei Ayanami.
Before anybody could say anything else, the chimes that signalled the end of the lesson sounded.
Touji and Kensuke gestured to each other that they should have words with Ikari.
***********
Outside, Touji grabbed Shinji by the front of the shirt.
"I'm really mad, right now."
The jock, threw the spinally challenged boy the floor. Cracking his knuckles, he prepared to throw a right jab as punishment for injuring his sister.
"Sorry Newcomer, but I just have to let off some steam."
Suddenly, Rei was standing between the boys.
"What are you doing here Ayanami?" Kensuke asked.
"Ikari-kun is needed to pilot Evangelion Unit 01. I cannot allow his ability to pilot to be impaired by any incidents that occur in his civilian life. I will do everything in my power to protect Ikari-kun," Ayanami's tone was calm as normal, yet more than a little threatening.
"Uh ok," Kensuke started to sweat like the coward he was.
Touji was more reluctant to back down but realised that if he wanted to get payback on Shinji, he'd have to go through the albino. Furious as he was, he knew that he'd regret hurting a girl. Never mind one that was injured.
Spitting on the ground, he turned on his heel and strode off with Kensuke in tow.
Shinji was a little unsure of what just happened. "Ayanami-san, is everything all right?"
Rei turned to the boy on the floor. "We are needed at Nerv, pilot Ikari. Please come with me."
"Ok, Ayanami-san," Shinji got to his feet and quickly made his way to the Nerv headquarters.
**********
The two pilots travelled in silence. This was a good thing as Rei's mind was in disarray. 'I have never had these feelings before. They are much stronger than after the time Commander Ikari came to my rescue. Protecting Ikari-kun gives me a new purpose.'
Shinji was concerned that he might be responsible for the suffering of more people in Tokyo-3 because of his actions. 'I hope that this mission will go a little more smoothly that the last one.'
**********
Misato was glad that the Eva pilots arrived promptly. 'The sooner they defeat this Angel, the sooner we can get out of here.'
"Misato-san, what's going on?"
"Shinji, the fourth Angel has appeared. We need you to defeat it quickly."
Shinji nodded and left for the changing rooms.
**********
After the Angel stopped moving due to a progressive knife penetrating the core, the power in Unit 01 ran out causing it to remain statue-like in the streets of Tokyo-3.
Misato was not impressed by Shinji's disregard for her order to pull back and was preparing to rip him a new one.
Ayanami saw the look one the captain's face and moved to intercept.
"Captain Katsuragi."
"What is it Rei?" Misato's voice just oozed impatience.
"Before you speak with pilot Ikari, you should be aware of the fact that he was trying to protect people from harm. It was not his intention to disobey your orders," Rei explained for the young Ikari.
Forced onto the back foot because Rei had initiated a conversation, Misato was given a chance to cool off and allow the injured girl's words to sink in.
"I will take that under advisement, Rei. Now if you'll excuse me." Misato moved around the red eyed girl and off to have words with Shinji.
Rei was briefly awash with a pleasant sensation. 'I will look out for Ikari-kun more often.'
***********
"Just what the hell do you think you were doing out there?" the purple haired captain shouted at Shinji. "You're supposed to follow my orders, Shinji!"
"I'm sorry Misato-san, but does it matter? I beat the Angel, didn't I?"
Misato moved in close to stare the boy down. "If you don't follow orders, what good are you to Nerv?"
Shinji backed off as he felt his guardian's breath on his face.
"But..."
"But nothing Shinji, you were lucky this time. And luck runs out. But since you managed to leave the Angel in a relatively complete state, I shall forgive you this once. You might still get punished at a later time. Understand?"
Shinji gulped and nodded nervously.
"Good. Now let's get home, you've got dinner to cook." Misato had a smile on her face as the notion of punishing Shinji involved spanking him on the bottom. She shook her head to dislodge the naughty thoughts that involved Shinji. 'That's twice in one day, I thought about him like that,' Misato's comment was kept to herself. 'Perhaps I should speak with Ritsuko?'
**********
That night, Misato lay in the bath allowing the heated water to soothe away her stress from the life or death situation that had occurred earlier. Seeing the phone nearby, she recalled that she had thought about speaking with her college friend about Shinji.
"Ritsuko, can I ask a favour?"
*Possibly. What about?*
"Shinji. Something just seems different about him. I can't put my finger on it and it's really bugging me. Could you give him a physical?"
*Sure, bring him in tomorrow. I'll compare the results and let you know.*
"Thanks, Ritsuko. I owe you one."
*I'm pretty sure that it's more than one, Misato. I seem to recall dragging your drunken carcass back to the dorm room several times.*
Misato hung up on the giggling doctor.
"Bitch."
*********
Ritsuko sipped her coffee as she waited for Shinji to arrive at the infirmary for his physical examination. 'Misato seemed awfully paranoid about Shinji's condition, I hope nothing in the cockpit systems is affecting the pilots,' she mused.
When the young Ikari knocked on the door, she looked up from her computer.
"Come in."
"Dr Akagi? You wanted to see me," Shinji asked in his usual timid manner.
Turning to the boy, she appraised him carefully. "Yes, this is just a check up to see how you are handling the stresses of piloting Unit 01."
"Ok."
"Now undress and sit on the bench, please."
Shinji's face turned red. "B-but Dr Akagi..."
"What? I'm a doctor and a grown woman, you've got nothing that I've not seen examples of before."
"That's not it," Shinji whined.
The blonde sighed. "Then what is it? I can turn up the heating if you're cold."
"Can I talk to you about something, Dr?" Shinji looked up from studying his feet.
"Of course, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko sat next to her boss's son. "You can tell me anything."
Shinji took a deep breath. "Do you think Misato and Rei have been acting strangely recently?"
"Rei has always been a bit strange, compared to the norm for teenagers. But I've not noticed anything different about Misato. Why?"
Shinji related the events that transpired earlier to the doctor, not noticing the glazed look in her eyes.
"Hmm," Ritsuko agreed. She caught herself before she placed a hand on Shinji's thigh. 'What am I doing? He's just a boy! And what would the commander say?'
"Are you all right, Dr?" Shinji asked when he saw the look of horror on the woman's face.
Blushing, she realised that she'd been staring at the pilot's lap. "I'm fine, Shinji-kun. Now, can I take a blood sample?"
Shinji nodded and held out his arm, bracing himself for the discomfort of a minor bloodletting.
Not trusting herself not to do something sordid, Ritsuko took the blood sample to the lab personally.
"I'll be back shortly, Shinji-kun. If you need a drink, help yourself to coffee."
A few minutes after Dr Akagi left, Maya Ibuki arrived, looking for her mentor. Noticing that Shinji seemed to be nursing his arm, she stepped up to him.
"Shinji-kun, is everything all right?" she asked, gesturing to his arm.
"Yes, Dr Akagi just wanted to take a blood sample down to the lab. She'll be back soon if you want her."
Maya sat next to the pilot. "I'll wait here, if you don't mind."
"I don't mind at all, Ibuki-san," Shinji said honestly.
Maya looked at Shinji, her eyes taking in his lithe form. "Is Akagi-sempai doing a full physical examination?"
"I think so. She said something about monitoring the stresses of piloting Unit 01."
Ritsuko returned as Maya thought about "assisting" the doctor.
"Maya, what are you doing here?"
"I brought that report you wanted. Do you need any help in examining Shinji-kun?" Maya asked hopefully.
Ritsuko blinked. "I don't think that would be appropriate, Maya."
Maya pouted, but decided that she'd visit Shinji later to see how he was settling into his new life in Tokyo-3. "I'll catch up with you later," she said.
Ritsuko, having splashed her face with cold water, was now ready to examine Shinji.
'Come on, Ritsuko. Be calm and clinical, just as you would be with Rei,' the blonde pushed away any improper thoughts. "Now Shinji, I need you to undress so I can gather your vital statistics."
As Shinji nodded and moved behind the screen to shed his clothing, Ritsuko prepared the scales and other measuring equipment.
Sitting down on the bench, Shinji tried to cover himself. Dr Akagi smiled when she saw how much of a poor job Shinji was doing.
"Kindly step on the scales Shinji-kun."
Ritsuko managed to behave in a professional fashion. Up until the point the little voice in her head that it was perfectly fine to give Shinji a prostate exam.
"DR!" Shinji exclaimed, not being used to having things travel the wrong way up a one-way street.
"I'm sorry for that, Shinji-kun. I have to do a full physical. Now, I need one last sample from you," she had a smile. Said smile was enough to scare even the dumbest of humans and Shinji was not known for his bravery.
The door burst open with an irate looking Rei scanning the room for the source of Shinji's distress.
Backing away, Shinji reached for something to cover his trembling body.
"Dr Akagi, are you supposed to touch your patients like that?" Rei asked the bottle blonde.
Ritsuko stammered as she tried to formulate a feasible excuse for molesting a 14 year old boy. "I was just giving Shinji-kun a check up. Misato was concerned that something had happened to him."
"What would cause the captain to think that?" Rei asked.
"She said that something 'seemed off' about Shinji," Ritsuko found that she couldn't meet Rei's inquisitive stare.
"So why did you stick a finger up my ass?" Shinji demanded.
"I needed to touch you," Dr Akagi confessed in a quiet voice.
"It seems that people are out to hurt Ikari-kun. I will protect him with my life," Rei's tone was one of absolute truth.
"Ayanami-san?"
"Bullies at school and Angels are not the only threats that you face, Ikari-kun. I shall move in with you and Captain Katsuragi as it will be easier for me to protect you."
Shinji was unsure of what to think. "I don't want to be a bother, Ayanami-san."
Rei turned to face the naked boy. “The Angels must be defeated, Ikari-kun. Your assistance is required." Rei also cast a speculative eye over his body. "Close proximity will make my task easier."
For some reason, Shinji felt like he was being graded like a racehorse that had been put out to stud.
**********
Upon arriving home, Shinji announced to Misato that he had returned.
"Shinji, I've been waiting for you."
"M-misato-san!" Shinji was not prepared for the manner in which his room-mate/legal guardian/commanding officer was dressed.
Sure, he'd seen Misato dressed in little more than a pair of short shorts and a form fitting shirt, but this, this was causing nasal haemorrhaging.
"Captain Katsuragi," Rei interjected.
"What are you doing here?" Misato asked the just noticed third party.
"I am here to protect pilot Ikari. I have seen several threats to his safety and wellbeing since he arrived."
Shinji looked embarrassed for the inconvenience he was putting Rei through. "I'm sorry for being a bother to everyone."
"Protecting you is my purpose," Rei simply stated.
Misato suddenly felt a draft and two more pairs of eyes on her barely covered body.
"Ikari!" Touji and Kensuke exclaimed in unison.
"Why didn't you tell us you lived with this babe?" Touji demanded.
"What is Ayanami doing here?" Kensuke asked, puzzled that the socially defective individual would visit anyone.
"I am here to protect Ikari-kun."
"Oh. But what about you, ma'am?"
"I'm Shinji's," Misato said as she threw her arms around Shinji's neck in a way that contravened several rules of Nerv conduct.
"S-s-shinji's what?" Touji nearly choked on his question.
"Whatever he wants," Misato teased the boys as she licked Shinji's neck.
Two geysers of blood hid the collapse of the "Idiot Duo".
As evidenced by the yawn he let out, exhaustion and stress had gotten the better of Shinji. "Misato-san, I've had a really strange day. Can I go to bed now?"
"Sure thing, Shin-chan. I need to speak with Rei anyway."
As Shinji left for his room, Rei turned to the fantasising woman. "Captain Katsuragi, you are drooling."
Misato turned and glared daggers at the blue haired pilot.
This did not faze Rei in the slightest.
"What do you want, Rei?"
"To protect Ikari-kun."
Misato laughed. "I've never heard it called that before, Rei."
"What do you mean, Captain Katsuragi?" Rei was puzzled by the older woman's euphemism.
Misato blinked. "You're serious, aren't you?"
Rei's nod was the barest of movements.
"I was referring to engaging in sexual intercourse with Shinji," Misato gestured to Shinji's room.
"I have no such plans at this time. I was referring to Dr Akagi."
"What did she do?" Misato was beginning to worry about her friend. And her new friend. Or more accurately, what her old friend was doing to her new boyfriend.
"Akagi-sensei anally violated Ikari-kun with her finger during the examination you requested. I will now move in with you and Ikari-kun to ensure his safety."
'Angel's, bullies and perverts. Poor Shin-chan. I'll do my best to comfort him,' Misato thought with a gleam in her eye.
"I will share Ikari-kun's room as it will allow me to react quickly to any threats," Rei spoke in her usual monotone.
Misato nodded. "Hang on a minute, how do I know that you won't do anything to my Shinji?"
"Ikari-kun has always behaved like a perfect gentleman, Captain Katsuragi. I do not believe that he would try to take advantage of me. In fact I believe that it is you that would do something to Ikari-kun," Rei's lips moved fractionally upwards in what was a victorious smirk for her.
Misato knew a challenge for a man when she saw one. "I'll have you know that I have nothing but Shinji's interests at heart."
Rei was beginning to feel what she understood to be jealousy. "And what make you think that Ikari-kun is interested in some exhibitionist drunkard?"
"YOU BITCH!"
Before Misato could launch her self at the crimson-eyed pilot, Shinji opened the door to his room.
"Could you be quiet please? I'm really tired and if you want breakfast, either let me sleep or make it yourselves," his tone was calm, yet dangerous at the same time.
"Ikari-kun, we are sorry for disturbing you but we need an answer to a pressing matter."
Shinji yawned. "Can't this wait until the morning?"
"But it concerns the sleeping arrangements, Shin-chan," Misato pouted.
"I don't care what happens, as long as I get to sleep in two minutes." With that, Shinji turned and went back to bed.
Rei and Misato blinked. Shinji had given them a blank cheque and they both intended to cash it in.
"I will make sure that nothing happens to Ikari-kun," Rei stated for the record, "during the night."
"What do you mean by that, Rei?" Misato demanded of the girl in front of her.
"Tenacity is a trait common in many people, Captain Katsuragi," a new voice came from the doorway. "I doubt that you'd give up so easily."
"Ritsuko! What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough to my poor Shinji?"
"I've done nothing wrong, Misato," Akagi deluded herself. "He's a teenaged male and they all want sexual gratification."
Rei did not believe that for a second. Misato, however had more experience with men in general and nodded in agreement.
"My purpose is to protect Ikari-kun from all threats. I will not allow Ikari-kun to be disturbed." Rei left the two adults and wedged Shinji's door shut.
"Damn. Anyway, why are you dressed like that?" they spoke in unison.
Doctor Akagi was dressed in a tight fitting lab coat that told the operations officer that 1) Dr Akagi was well developed in the chest area, 2) there was a cool breeze out and 3) if she was wearing a skirt or dress it length was comparable to that of a belt.
Misato's charcoal grey gown-less evening strap was not any better in covering what little modesty the purple haired beauty had.
"Uhn, what happened?" Touji asked. When he managed to open his eyes, he saw something that the doctor had planned to show only to Shinji that evening.
More blood gushed from his nose. When it landed on Kensuke's face, it woke him up.
"Man, I had this really weird dream that Shinji lived with this stellar babe," he groggily said to no-one in particular.
"Thank you, Aida-kun."
The military otaku looked up and saw that he hadn't been dreaming. Drool started to drip from the corner of his mouth. "It's good to be a pilot."
"Yes, well Shinji is tired so you have to go now. All of you." Misato took an authoritative tone with those that had interrupted her plans for Shinji.
Ritsuko pouted cutely at her college friend.
"Sorry, Ritsuko. No room at the inn. Now drag that," she gestured to a grinning Touji, "out of here. Hey, you seem you like younger guys, so why don't you make these boys men?"
Ritsuko looked at the "Idiot Duo". "I'd rather fuck Commander Ikari."
"Why don't you? It'll be the only Ikari you get tonight." Misato would not be lenient on anyone that hurt her Shin-chan.
Ritsuko was lost for words.
Misato had lost all patience with the visitors and left to get her pistol. Chambering a round, she used it to wave the troublemakers away. "Shoo, get out! Don't make me shoot you."
Finally they left, allowing Misato to decide on which bed she would sleep in.
The decision was made for her when she found herself unable to open Shinji's door.
"Damn," she whispered.
**********
Rei gently roused Shinji from his sleep.
"Ikari-kun, it is time for you to wake up. We have a synchronisation test after school."
"Ok Rei," Shinji mumbled. Then the penny dropped. "Rei? What are you doing here?"
"I told you that I would protect you. I spent the night here to ensure that you would not be disturbed."
"Yeah, I remember something about that. I'm sorry to be such a bother to you, Ayanami-san," Shinji was embarrassed by the fact that he'd disrupted Rei's routine.
"It was not a bother, Ikari-kun. I found sleeping next to you in your bed to be both comfortable and pleasant."
It was with that comment, Shinji experienced a condition familiar to all males at one point or another in their lives.
Rei's attention was drawn to the movement of the covers. "Do not move Ikari-kun, there is something in the bed with you."
Misato realised that something could be going on at that very moment and wrenched the door to Shinji's room off the rails.
Just as Rei lifted the sheets to reveal Shinji's very own "Special Unit" in all its glory.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SHINIJI, YOU FILTHY WHORE?"
This was enough to scare the blood out of the enlarged appendage.
"I was concerned that an animal had entered the bed. It was a fair assumption given that this house is not as sanitary as it could be, Captain Katsuragi."
Misato's eye twitched. "What's your apartment like, Rei?"
"The status of my apartment is irrelevant since I will now be living here."
"And just who was it that said you could live here?" Misato demanded.
"Ikari-kun has not expressed a desire for me to leave. Nor has Commander Ikari," Rei's bluntness was quite unnerving.
Feeling that something was not quite right, Shinji decided that now would be a good time to get started on breakfast.
**********
To be continued...
Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pointing out my errors so that I look slightly less foolish.
Author's notes:
As stated at the top of the page, this will make a little bit more sense if you have read (and vaguely enjoyed) The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man.
I would also like to state that some of the inspiration for this came from Otaku D-man (he's got writing skills) Lord The Night Knight ( Eva! Parallel Reality Genesis is an entertaining read) and that lovely piece that was started by Raiden-X and continued by Graceomega - Shinji Huntin' Season. My apologies if this comes off as a poor addition to the "Shinji the Babe-magnet" genre of fanfiction.
If this seems a bit off (compared to my normal efforts), then I'm sorry, but I'm going through a bit of stress with my job at the moment. It has meant that I have to cancel my birthday trip to Tokyo in September.
Grumble, grumble. Stupid outsourcing. Bloody relocation to sodding Chesterfield. Grumble, grumble.
Don't expect too many updates in April, I'll be getting my Crystal Xbox and Crimson Skies, GTA, Rainbow 6 3 and Steel Battalion: Line of Contact (with 40 button controller).
Any questions?
Send your opinions via your normal method.
Email is (lordraa) AT (hotmail.com)
Or (lordraa) AT (digitalpimp.co.uk)
I'll answer what I can, but I make no guarantees.
Toodles.