Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer to the First Refrain

Author's Pre-Rant -

Okay, the drugs have kicked in and I'm wearing my 'I Hate Myself and Want to Die' T-Shirt. (Yes, I really do have one. It's good therapy >.<)

Actually, I wasn't intending to insult the owner/operators of EVAFics.org or Darkscribes or anyone else (I don't think those sort of arguments are all that constructive). I enjoy the works of some of the Lords/Ladies on Darkscribes (Some I could do without.). I personally feel my work is sub-standard. But I think it is gradually improving.

All That I Am

Fourth Refrain - A Fragile Hearts' Decision

Office of the Supreme Commander of NERV

"……if that is so, then I can only consider her actions stupidity. Death cures that particular affliction. See to it that she receives a suitable ……. vaccination." Gendou deactivated the secure communications line and leaned back in his seat to contemplate just how simple it was to end the life of someone that had the audacity to oppose him.

Glancing up from the document that had held his attention until now, Kouzou observed his former student for any clue to his mood. "Some people would call you insane, Ikari."

Finished with idle thoughts of murder, Gendou returned to his more familiar position, elbows resting on the desk with his interlaced hands forming a barrier fronting his face. "Insanity is a line that anyone can cross and then recross. I discarded such fanciful pretensions years ago. There is no line for one such as myself." His voice took on a dangerous edge. "I decide my own reality."

Kouzou raised an eyebrow at the statement. "Reality or truth?"

The grin that briefly graced his stern features was hidden from sight. "Truth is too fragile Sensei. Far too intangible to be grasped by the hands of man. My reality was the all to brief time I spent with Yui. Yui was and still is my reality." His tinted glasses reflected the muted lighting as he shifted his head slightly. "I intend to recapture it and awaken from this nightmare and thereby surpass humanity."

Kouzou rose from his seat and walked over to the window. "There is still much that can go wrong. One mis-step and our enemies will feast on our corpses."

Gendou Ikari had long ago discarded the possibility of failure, just as he had the name Rokubungi. Success was the only viable outcome for his decade of suffering. He had thrown everything away to ensure he would emerge victorious. "Has a suitable trail been laid for Agent Kaji."

Kouzou laughed softly to himself. "The one that he will forward to Chairman Keel or to the Ministry of the Interior?" Shaking his head he turned to Gendou. "Do not concern yourself. The deceptions we have prepared should keep our erstwhile triple agent suitably entertained for a while yet."

"He skirts the fringes looking for any sign of weakness to exploit. The day is fast approaching when his annoying habits will require reprimand." Gendou knew he had to allow the insufferable wretch to continue his quest for the 'Truth'. But as the old adage implied. Curiosity was ever the slayer of inquisitive cats.

"His removal could affect the Major's ability when we need it most. The flow-on effect could also hamper the Second Children." Kouzou knew more than most just how tragic the past had been for both Misato Katsuragi and Asuka Langley Sohryu. His own family had died before Second Impact. Normal deaths that allowed a person to grieve and recover. Nothing like the trauma experienced by the Major and the volatile Pilot of Unit 02.

Gendou made it an issue to apprise himself of the current emotional and psychological status of all the important pieces on his shogi (Japanese Chess) board. "I believe the Major will fall in line. Her allegiance no longer lies with her former lover." In fact, while Doctor Akagi's assessment of her friends hinted that the relationship was indeed blossoming once more, he suspected that with proper incentive, Major Katsuragi would follow his orders. "As for the Second Children. She has always been more nuisance value than anything else. But every army has need of cannon fodder."

Kouzou shrugged his shoulders. Arguing with Gendou Ikari was a fruitless exercise. And often fatal. "The risks are too great. You gamble everything on them all performing as you direct. They're not puppets on strings Ikari. You even allow Rei to run unrestrained."

"Of all of them, Rei is the least of our worries Sensei." Gendou had spent most of his spare time devoted to ensuring the Pilot of Unit 00 did not deviate far from her profile. A profile he had constructed and nurtured.

<You place too much faith in your little creation Ikari. Your doll is learning. The problems with the Dummy System are undeniable evidence. Yet you choose to ignore it. Such lapses will be your downfall.>

***

Aida Residence

"Man, did you see Yumi Hijiko? She looks even better in the flesh." Touji turned another page of the magazine he was 'reading', his adolescent eyes widened slightly at the tantalising sights it contained.

Kensuke checked that his image and video files continued to upload to his web page before he answered. "See her? I was standing next to Shinji when she practically threw herself at him." Removing his glasses, he wiped the tears of frustration away. "Why does he have all the luck? It must be because he's an EVA Pilot. It's not fair." He lamented.

Touji shook his head at his friends' ongoing obsession, his eyes never straying from the treasures on display in the magazine. "Everything comes back to that for you, doesn't it?"

"Well, have you got a better explanation?" He replaced his glasses and began editing the page layout to accommodate his latest additions.

"Not really." Shrugging his shoulders, Touji discarded his 'educational' material for the next one on the pile.

Kensuke spun around on his seat to face the young athlete. His eyes burning with an internal fire. "It has to be. I mean let's face it. Shinji's hardly anything special"

Rising to a sitting position, the tracksuit clad youth stared momentarily at the posters on the ceiling before he answered. "I dunno 'bout that. I overhead a few of the girls at school talking about him. Maybe they can see something we don't." He slowly rolled his head, popping his vertebrae back into place. "Girls don't think right when it comes to love"

"You mean like the Class Rep?" Kensuke fired the verbal barb, looking for a reaction.

"Huh? What are you talking about Ken?" His voice rose an octave or two, the panic in his voice self evident

The young military aficionado crossed his arms with a sense of smug superiority. "I've heard a few things." He replied smugly. "And the way she was staring at a certain someone tonight confirmed those rumours."

Touji moaned as a wave of nausea threatened to overcome him. "The Class Rep's got a thing for Shinji?" Touji immediately sorted through his memories, looking for any instance where the pretty, young brunette had made her intentions concerning Shinji Ikari known.

"Nope."Kensuke shook his head. "At least not that I know of."

Touji's relief was short lived as he carefully considered the alternatives. "Not that guy that the Demon was hanging all over?" He tried to recall his name, but failed. "You know, that old guy." He had heard Asuka carry on about how awesome the guy was. As far as Touji could tell, he was just some loser in need of a shave and a decent tailor.

"Try again." Kensuke's grin evolved into a leer.

"It couldn't be you." Touji murmured, much to Kensuke's chagrin. "Who then?"

Slightly upset at his supposed friends rather brutal critique, Kensuke decided that he had had enough of this particular game and opted to put the boy out of his misery. "You see his face every morning."

"Dad? Seriously?" Touji spluttered. Just where would his father find the time to hit on fourteen year old girls, especially since he could barely manage to visit his own daughter in hospital.

Kensuke fell out of his chair and landed heavily on the floor. "Just how dense are you? I'm talking about you, you moron."

"She was looking at……." Touji pointed his index finger at his own chin

"Yep."Kensuke sighed, as Touji finally understood things.

"You're kidding? The Class Rep was looking at me?" Touji's grasp of simple mathematics was tenuous at best. The equation Kensuke was explaining confounded him completely.

Ignoring Touji's baffled look of incomprehension, Kensuke considered one of the nights other strange occurrences. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was the same way Ayanami was looking at Shinji." While not as overt as the Demon's adolescent flirting or the Class Representative's immature glances, he had caught the quiet albino staring at his quiet friend. And it didn't look like the normal expressionless void that normally graced her features. It was something altogether different.

"Is that why Ayanami volunteered to stay with Shinji?" At the time Touji had been otherwise occupied with the attractive young women parading around to bother with the likes of the three fourteen year old girls. A guy had to have priorities.

Kensuke picked up his replica pistol and began shooting imaginary targets. "Don't know but did you catch the look on the Demon's face?" Seeing Touji shake his head, he continued. "I managed to record it on tape. She looked mildly upset didn't she?"

"That's one way of putting it. If looks could kill, Shinji would have just died right then and there." Touji got to his feet and prepared to head home. "Hey Ken, can you tell the Class Rep I won't be at school tomorrow."

Noting the sombre expression, he knew why. "Mari-chan?"

The smile Touji was trying for never made it. "Yeah. Dad's too busy with work to spend a lot of time with her, so if I'm not there she'll be all alone." Initially it had torn his heart watching his sister suffer so much. Seeing her smile every time he visited made him realise just how much his family meant.

Waving his hand, Kensuke smiled, hoping to lift his friend's spirits. "Sure thing. I'll let her know. How about we go see Shinji later on?"

The opportunity to see the Miss Japan Finalists did manage to revitalise his spirits. "Wouldn't miss it. Maybe he'll introduce us to all the babes."

***

Tokyo-3 International Hotel

Shinji continued to stare at the digital display of the clock across the room. It had been two hours since both he and Rei had climbed into the bed. <I can't believe she fell asleep so quickly. Isn't she the least bit embarrassed by all this?>. Memories of how she had simply exited the bathroom once she was finished and had dressed in front of him caused a raging inferno of emotions to burn inside his adolescent frame. When she had finished he could only offer his apologies as he raced inside for his own shower, hoping that the water would somehow soothe the steadily increasing warmth he felt all over. <Maybe I should have slept on the couch?>

Resting on his side he swallowed nervously as he felt the young girl beside him shift slightly in her sleep. <At least she wears clothes to bed.> He thought, somewhat embarrassed by the fact that part of him had actually entertained the idea that she may sleep naked. Some of his more 'interesting' dreams were very similar in situation to his current predicament. Although his dream self was nowhere near as petrified as his real self presently was.

His body tensed as the steady warm breathing of his bedtime partner blew gently across the back of his neck. The sensation was nearly more than he could endure as certain parts of his anatomy began to respond almost automatically.

<Not good, Not good.> Turning his head slowly, he caught a glimpse of Rei's light blue hair behind his shoulder. "Uhmmm ….. Ayanami? Are you awa-" His softly spoken question lodged in his throat as a slender pale arm snaked it's way around his waist, grasping him firmly.

Shinji's mind suddenly lost all cohesion as he felt the young girls small frame press against him. Her body moving against his until it found equilibrium.

<Kami-sama, help.> Shinji pleaded to whatever deities were willing to listen as his own body further reacted to the embrace he know found himself ensnared in.

Unsure of just how to act in such a situation, he stayed as motionless as he could, waiting for the right opportunity to present itself.

Sensing Rei's hold on him finally relax, he quickly extricated himself from her hold and slipped out of the bed. Gazing down at the quiet girl, he couldn't help but think she resembled something straight out of a fairytale. <She looks like Sleeping Beauty. Or maybe a Fairy Princess.> The muted light from the crescent moon in the night sky cast a gentle halo around her pale features.

Realising his eyes were wandering, as were his thoughts, he grabbed a hotel kimono and quietly left the room, hoping that a walk around the hotel would clear his mind.

***

Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu Residence

Misato sat down onto her futon and scratched her thigh as she vented her complaints and frustrations into the phone. "I still can't fathom the Commander. I really couldn't believe he'd just allow Rei to stay with Shinji-kun."

"Commander Ikari must have his reasons Misato." Ritsuko's voice had a faint trace of weariness as she spoke. "He doesn't allow things to happen spontaneously. In my experience he likes to have ……. complete control of a situation."

Checking a nearby beer can, Misato sighed as she discovered it was already empty. <If Shinji-kun was here I could just call for him to get me another.> "I don't know if I should be worried or not." She flopped backwards across the comforter and stared at the ceiling.

"What about? You don't think Shinji-kun is going to jump Rei, do you?" Ritsuko could barely contain her amusement at the lurid suggestion.

"No. That's not it." Misato tried to envisage her Shinji attempting something along the lines of what Asuka generally accused him of every day. She just couldn't picture her timid Shinji doing anything of the sort. "I think Shinji-kun was even more shocked than the rest of us. It's just…. Rei seemed almost…..well….eager." She struggled to convey her sense of just how surreal it had seemed. "I've never seen her offer to do anything before. She usually just stands there waiting to follow orders."

"I'll have to agree with you about Rei acting a little different." Ritsuko confirmed. "Her latest psychological evaluations indicate that she's changing."

"Things would have been so much easier if Asuka had just been slightly more amicable about the whole thing." She fumed as she recalled just why Asuka had been so adamant in her refusal. "It's all because Kaji was there."

"And just what was Kaji-kun doing there?" The mirth in her question only increased Misato's irritation.

"What else. I think he ended up leaving in the company of one of the contestants." Watching the fool wave as he walked off with some young floozy had pissed her off. Her hand had twitched very close to her holstered firearm. It had taken all her self restraint not to fire at the grinning idiot. "I thought Asuka was going to explode. She ended up taking it out on Shinji."

"And how do you feel about that Misa-chan? From what Maya told me, both you and Kaji-kun were quite friendly during our little power outage recently." Misato could literally hear Ritsuko grinning.

"Shut up Ritsuko. It wasn't like that!" Misato shouted.

"You called me!" The blonde scientist countered sharply.

"Doctor Akagi." A distinctly male voice interrupted on Ritsuko's end of the line.

"I have to go Misato. I'll see you tomorrow." Ritsuko's excitement was followed by the sudden disconnection of the line as she obviously hung up.

Misato gaped at the phone. "That was a man's voice? Ritsuko never told me she was seeing anyone." <And why did it sound so familiar?>

***

Tokyo-3 International Hotel

"Not too many guests up at this time." Shinji mused to himself as he waited for the elevator. Once the lift arrived he stepped inside and pressed the button to take him to the lobby.

"Hold the lift. Please." Upon hearing the voice, Shinji pressed the hold button to allow the person to join him in the lift. His eyes widened slightly as he saw who it was.

"Thank you Shinji. I thought for a minute that I'd missed you." The light female voice held an amused tone as the women joined him in the elevator.

"Tanaka-san?" Shinji stared openly at the young woman. She was attired in the same hotel provided kimono as he was. But her finely toned body was practically on display as her garment was obviously at least a size or two too small for her. Blushing uncontrollably as he noticed that she had caught him gazing at her more salient features, he cast his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry, Tanaka-san." He mumbled apologetically, hoping that she wasn't too much stronger than Asuka as he waited for her to slap him.

"Shinji, please, call me Megumi." The lift slowly began its journey down as Megumi slowly closed in on the youth who in turn backed up against the wall. "We never did have the chance to ….. finish our conversation, did we? Perhaps we can pick up where we left off?"

At some point during her speech, Megumi had attached herself to the young boy and proceeded to nuzzle at his neck. A low moan escaped her lips as her breasts rubbed into her captive. "Mmmmm….Shinji."

A soft chime filled the air as the lift doors opened. "Oh excuse us, we didn't realise the lift was occup……Shinji-kun?"

"Kaji-san!?"Looking over the shoulder of his overly amorous assailant, Shinji caught the rakish grin of the man that treated him more like a son than his own father ever had.

Ryouji used his free hand to give the boy a thumbs up, his other arm being wrapped around the waist of young woman. A woman Shinji recognised. Seeing his young friend stare openly at his companion, Kaji decided introductions where in order. "Ohh, allow me to introduce my …….. associate. Mayu Seijiro, meet-"

"Yes, I know. Shinji Ikari right? We've met at the dinner earlier. I'm Mayu Seijiro, journalist for 'New Look' and contestant number Seven." Mayu smiled at the obviously distraught boy. "My photo shoot's tomorrow." Her gaze then hardened as her eyes met those of the young woman attached to him. "Tanaka!" Venom literally dripped from the word.

"Ahh, Seijiro. I see your taste in men hasn't improved any." Megumi's eyes narrowed playfully. "Or is it his bank account that you find is his most attractive feature?"

Having been released from Megumi's grasp, Shinji slowly made his way around the two women as they continued to glare at one another and spar verbally. Ryouji motioned the boy outside. "Well Shinji-kun, it looks like I didn't have to worry about you too much." He said as he slipped a computer disk into his jacket pocket.

"What do you mean Kaji-san?" He asked, confusion evident in his voice.

Ryouji laughed. "I thought maybe I could offer a few words of advice. A few pointers on how to ….. make the most of your situation." He slapped the boy on the back in congratulation at his escapade. "But it seems your doing fine on your own."

"But…. I ……. She……… we ……… not.." Kaji chuckled at the boy's stammering.

"Katsuragi, Asuka, Ayanami. Is there any woman capable of resisting your charms?" He pursed his lips as he considered the options. "Ritsuko perhaps? Maybe young Miss Ibuki?" Ryouji's wolfish grin only further embarrassed him. "Or have you had them as well?"

"Misato-san? We haven't…..Asuka?" He shivered slightly at the thought of just how Asuka would react if he even so much as looked at her the wrong way. He found all the women that Kaji mentioned attractive in their own right and not just physically. But he knew that he could never hope to approach them in the same casual manner that the man before him would.

"Settle down Shinji-kun. It's a joke. Take it easy." Ryouji tried his best to soothe the boy's nerves as two voices from inside the elevator suddenly stopped their arguing.

"Ryo-chan! You told me that Shinji Ikari was a close personal friend of yours and that you'd introduce me to him."

Ryouji covered his face with a hand as he sighed. "I didn't lie about that. Tell her Shinji-kun."

The voice of Megumi Tanaka interjected violently. "Keep your hands off Seijiro. I've already laid claim. And you can tell that to all those other tramps."

Shinji considered the options available to him and selected an old personal favourite.

He ran.

***

Watching the stars shimmer, Shinji could only wonder why things always went horribly wrong. His wandering thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of a silhouette suddenly obscuring his vision. <Kami-sama, no. Megumi-san found me!>

"Why are you here, Ikari-kun?"

"Ayanami?" Shinji blinked. "I thought you were asleep?"

Stepping out of the shadows, Rei's familiar pale features, azure hair and crimson eyes created a picturesque contrast with the night sky. "I was." Taking a seat, she glanced briefly at the sullen youth before staring off into the distance. "When I awoke, you were no longer in the room."

"How did you manage to find me?" Shinji wasn't absolutely certain but he thought he could hear an undertone to her voice that he had never heard before. <Is she upset?>

"Section 2." She turned towards him, her face angled at the ground. "I contacted them to discover your location." There it was again, he thought, sure that he had heard her voice waver slightly. "With that information, I made my way here to ensure your safety."

"Because I'm a Pilot." His voice dropped to a whisper.

"No." Rei shook her head briefly. "Not entirely."

"Why else, Ayanami? I'm just a fellow Pilot. And I'm not even good at that." His hand began clenching into a fist and releasing as he endeavoured to control himself. "I'm not good at anything."

"I….." Her gentle voice forced him to raise his head and make eye contact. "I …am unsure of why." A small frown furrowed her brow. "It is…..confusing."

Rising to his feet, Shinji moved over to stand beside the young girl. He watched her struggle with whatever uncertainty it was that assailed her. "Ayanami." Slowly, his trembling hand reached out, his intention to comfort her somehow. Instead he retracted his hand, frightened that it would be misinterpreted, that he would only suffer for his actions. "Maybe we should go back." Hanging his head in shame, he began walking back towards the hotel.

"Agreed."Matching his stride, Rei watched the disconsolate youth slowly come to a halt.

"I'm sorry Ayanami." The warm breeze caused his hair to fall across his forehead. The resulting shadows obscured his dark blue eyes.

Rei felt her breath catch in her gradually constricting throat as a glistening trickle of water ran down his cheeks. "You have nothing to apologise for Ikari-kun."

"Yes I do. I'm your friend, Ayanami. And the first time you actually need my support, I failed you." Closing the distance between the two of them, he nervously reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. Squeezing it gently, he looked into her eyes, the distress and confusion that he felt dissolved as he lost himself in the depths of the twin red orbs.

Before he could remove his hand, Rei reached up and covered it with her own, returning the soft caress. <When I am with Commander Ikari, there are no doubts. He lays the path that I am to follow. Why is it that Ikari-kun's presence creates such turbulence and indecision inside me? It only interferes with my ability to perform my duties adequately. And yet……I want…..to be…..here with him……….With Him>

"You are mistaken Ikari-kun. I am not your friend." Rei's eyes widened as she finally attained a level of understanding that had eluded her until now. "I am your girlfriend."

***

End Fourth Refrain

Tbc

Authors Post-Rant -

Why have Rei grab Shinji in bed. I happened to catch a documentary on sleeping habits and patterns and it explained how sometimes when people shift and move in their sleep, the tendency is to latch onto the nearest available body. So don't read too much into it. It was simply a bit of fluff to ease the story along.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Ja Ne