Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Angel Standing By ❯ Isolation and Regrets ( Chapter 2 )

White feathered wings wrapped around a thin alabaster body. Tabris sat alone, finding consolation in his isolation.

He had failed God. He had not returned to Adam and sacrificed his own destiny because of a weak and cowardly human boy.

Tabris recalled the gentle disparity in Shinji's touch. The boy so badly needed love and Tabris had more than happily provided him with it. The albino angel marveled at how easily they had become friends and at a simple proclamation of love, it had become much more. A warmth filled Tabris's ethereal body as he retraced every precious moment with the young Eva pilot, Shinji Ikari.

The comforting warmth was sharply killed by the recollection of his betrayal. Shinji's anguished cries echoed harshly in the angel's heart. He knew when he met Shinji that the betrayal was immanent. Yet he allowed Shinji to become close to him, only to shatter the boy's heart.

Tabris's wings fluttered as his gut wrenched, his brain recalling their last moments together. A warm, unfamiliar wetness running down his cheek broke Tabris's thoughts. Salty tears fell freely from scarlet eyes.


"I'll never be able to apologize to him," Tabris thought to himself. "All I can do is watch him. Watch him grow into a man, fall in love again, overcome the hurdles that would face him," Tabris found this realization to be more painful that he had possibly imagined.

Tabris had failed his heavenly Father and was thus bound to heaven. He could not return to Earth as Kaworu Nagisa, the boy that Shinji had loved. He was stuck as the angel of Free Will, Tabris. It was his damned free will that had landed him in this mess.

He at least had the ability to watch Shinji from the heavens, this was the one consolation he had. He watched as Shinji slept, the boy tossing and turning restlessly. He let out a soothing sigh and watched as Shinji stilled, slipping into a deep sleep. Though he couldn't visit Shinji in a spiritual form, there wasn't any rule against communicating through dreams or as a whisper in the wind.

"I'll promise I'll come back to you, Shinji. Please wait for me," Tabris whispered from heaven, hoping Shinji's subconscious heard the message.

Tabris had his mind made up. Somehow he would leave heaven and rejoin Shinji on an Earth without Angels or Evas. Not God himself would stop him.

Tabris stood up and pulled himself away from the image of the sleeping boy. He laughed at his own thoughts. How on earth would be be able to defy the all-knowing and all-powerful. Failing Him was one thing, going against His will was an entirely different matter. To think such thoughts was foolery.

He looked around the barren landscape. So this was true isolation. Tabris didn't have a single soul to talk to and he suddenly felt a strong sense of empathy towards Shinji. When they had met, Shinji had been completely alone, in this same isolation. Tabris smirked. God certainly did work in mysterious ways. Oh the irony of having to endure the heartache of the one he betrayed. Although Shinji would have time to heal his wounds. He would meet others and there would be a time were Kaworu Nagisa would be nothing but a faded memory from a dark childhood.

Despite the possibility of Shinji moving on and the brief love they shared forgotten, Tabris wished the very best. The boy had been through so much. Tabris prayed that Shinji would be allowed to live a peaceful, non eventful life in his adulthood; he had earned that much. Tabris looked around once again, the gray, lonely atmosphere seemed not be fitting of heaven. He sighed and wrapped his large, snow white wings around him, wishing to hide himself, to escape from the overbearing loneliness that began to consume him.


Author's Notes:
Alright, that took some time. This has been remarkably hard for me to write, so please give me some constructive criticism, I could really use it. I've never written in this kind of style and how it flows and sounds worries me, so if it sucks, please let me know. If it's not obvious already, I'm looking for some serious help. If anyone happens to be interested in beta-ing this fic, please email me at moof86@daviskisner.com and we can talk. But please, only email me if you're really serious about beta-ing. Sorry the chapter's short, but hopefully it was somewhat enjoyable. I'm still trying to push pass setup, so sorry for that.