Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Angel Standing By ❯ Chapter 1

Author's Note: Well, I've finally set myself out to write an Eva fic. Well, let's see, spoilers! If you haven't seen all of Evangelion (particularly episode 24) then do not read this! Warnings: This is shounen-ai/yaoi . . . in other words, two boys loving each other. If you don't like this, kindly don't read. This will probably get a bit AU as it progresses, just so there's fair warning. Enjoy and please review!




"Kaworu," Shinji let the name slip off his tongue, the result of such were the tears that began to sting painfully in the boy's sapphire eyes. Shinji locked himself in his room, his sdat playing Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" on repeat. Kaworu had said that a song was good, but this one seemed to remind Shinji of the pain in his heart, the pain he couldn't escape.

The scene kept replaying through Shinji's mind. Kaworu made his final request, to be destroyed to save man kind. The slender boy held in the huge hand of Unit One, Shinji watching him. Shinji held him for an everlasting moment. Shinji was breaking up inside, tears running silently down his face as he faced the greatest battle of his young life; the decision on whether or not to fulfill Kaworu's one last wish.

The readiness of Kaworu to become Shinji's friend had stunned the younger boy. No one had immediately liked him. But Kaworu opened his heart and offered his hand so willing and graciously that it simply stole Shinji's heart. Three words he had never heard from any other human being were finally heard from a boy that had only known him an hour. They came without regret and with truth.

"I'm saying, I love you," Kaworu had told him, his scarlet eyes reflecting the depth of his feelings.

Shinji had been stunned beyond words. All he could do was stare at the other boy, unable to express the gratitude and love that flowed through his body. Kaworu leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Shinji's cheek, then stood to get dressed.

Shinji sat for a moment more, his brain still trying to work out the rush of adoration he felt for Kaworu. Why did Kaworu love him, there was nothing to love. Shinji was a whiny coward who's own father didn't care one lick about him. Kaworu became amazing in Shinji's eyes.

Even as he sat in his regret, Shinji still marveled, perhaps now even more, that Kaworu had transcended gender and defied heaven to love Shinji.

At the time, Shinij was beyond content with having just heard "I love you" from another person, but Kaworu intended to show Shinji what love could be. It wasn't a destructive emotion, but one that was filled with pleasure and happiness. When stayed the night at Kaworu's he felt compelled to share his life story to his new friend, who was still very much a stranger.

The gray haired boy was an attentive listener. He never once interrupted or try to offer advice. Kaworu lay quietly, listening intently. Shinji let his heart go and addressed issues he had hidden from so many others. Once he was finished, Kaworu leaned up on his elbow to look down at Shinji who was laying on the floor.

"I think I may have been born to meet you, Shinji Ikari," Kaworu said with a warm smile. Shinji blushed and Kaworu lowered himself onto Shinji's futon. For the second time that night, Shinji was kissed, except this time it was more intimate, Kaworu's mouth fully on Shinji's. Kaworu's kiss felt like coming home, that unexplainable feeling of complete peace and comfort. Shinji felt his lungs begging for air and gently pulled away. Love and passion burned behind the red eyes, and sapphire globes reflected it. Kaworu's fingers worked their way through Shinji's brown hair, pushing back the short bangs that not quite hung in blue eyes.

Kaworu leaned closer to Shinji, his lips resting on the other boy's neck. "Shinji-kun," was all he said and began slowly sucking on the sensitive spot where neck met shoulder. Shinji let his head fall back at Kaworu's ministrations.

"Kaworu, love you," was all Shinji could say as his mind fogged with pleasure and his voice became moans.

Kaworu was a wonderfully skilled lover, and Shinji only wished he could keep up. But Kaworu was slow with him, preparing the smaller boy carefully then finally entering him, completing and consummating their eternal bond.

"Stay with me always. Don't leave me," Shinji gripped onto Kaworu's pale naked body, both boys spent. Kaworu let his slender fingers trace the outlines of Shinji's face, studying each curve, each small change in plane.

He was silent for a minute. Shinji watched him and searched his eyes. Shinji looked concerned when Kaworu didn't answer. Kaworu smiled and planted a kiss on Shinji.

"I'll be with you always," Kaworu said and smiled. Shinji tightened his grip on the other boy, fearing beyond death losing the one person that loved him. Kaworu caressed the hair on the back of Shinji's head, smiling sadly. He knew what the day brought, but he refused to dwell on it. This moment was his and Shinji's and he refused to let anything come to ruin that.

Shinji woke up the next morning, Kaworu sleeping in his tight embrace. Shinji smiled. He expected Kaworu to leave him sometime in the night, but there he was, sleeping fitfully in Shinji's small arms. A smile came across Shinji's face. He placed a small kiss on the other boy's porcelain cheek and was content to watch Kaworu slowly wake up.

"You stayed with me," Shinji said, smiling enthusiastically.

Kaworu felt his heart fall. He pushed the feeling aside and offered Shinji a sleepy smirk. He pulled himself off Shinji's futon and stretched like a cat, feeling Shinji's approving eyes on his still nude form. Kaworu ruffled the hair on Shinji's head and pulled on his pajama pants.

Shinji watched for a moment then tugged on his own pants and followed Kaworu into the other boy's small kitchen.

"I'm afraid I haven't got breakfast for you," Kaworu said and handed Shinji a glass of water.

"Well, you just moved in. It's all right. I'm just happy to be with you," Shinji couldn't stop smiling.

"You make me very happy, Shijni-kun," Kaworu sipped at his water. He then glanced at the clock on the wall. "I believe I have an activation test today. I should get ready to go. You can stay here as long as you'd like, though," Kaworu offered and stood to get dressed.

"Oh. Thanks, but I think I'm going to go on a walk," Shinji said, glanced at the warm sun that shone outside.

Both boys got dressed and went their separate ways. Kaworu had promised Shinji that they would see each other later that day and Shinji, none the wiser, eagerly awaited their rendezvous.

But their next meeting was not to be the wonderful event the first one had been. The next time Shinji saw Kaworu, he knew that Kaworu was an angel, his enemy. Shinji had performed as he was expected, defeating the enemy. But now his heart felt cold, his body numb, his soul empty. Kaworu, though Shinji had only known him a short time, was everything to the young boy. The reason he wanted to continue. Kaworu was the good in people, but even that had been disproved.

Shinji's eyes wandered towards the heavens.

"Why did you have to die? You were much better than I am. Why did you love me, Kaworu?" Shinji asked to the stars. He then rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, no longer wanting to think or feel, not caring if the world crumbled down on him.