Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Angels of Armageddon ❯ Chapter 5: "The Unexpected Touch ( Chapter 6 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

DISCLAIMER: The characters, universe, etc. of Neon Genesis Evangelion
are not mine. I make no claim to them. They are used without
permission.

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" " = speech
^ ^ = thoughts
_ _ = italics (emphasis)

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Angels of Armageddon
Author: Ryan Xavier
Chapter 5: The Unexpected Touch

Shinji's legs were pumping hard, carrying him quickly over the distance
to the battlefield. Every few seconds, he'd glance up, at the form of
Unit-00. The Eva was still motionless, kneeling down and staring at
the ground as though ashamed.

^Just stay that way,^ he thought at the Eva, as though he could
mentally command it.

Behind him, Kensuke and a few other brave souls were trying their
hardest to keep up. They tried not to notice how hot it was around the
site of the recent explosion, and they tried hard not to wonder if
there was radiation floating around after that final blast.

They reached their first target: a pale boy staggering around,
apparently trying to cough his lungs out. Shinji and the others were
also coughing violently by the time they'd reached him; they couldn't
help it, now that the dust from the blast was settling. As such, they
were staggering instead of running by the time they'd reached Kaoru.

Shinji reached Kaoru and bent over double, trying to get some oxygen.
After he'd caught his breath, he looked up at the boy.

"K-Kaoru-(cough)-kun, what (cough) happened?"

Kaoru just shook his head, trying to get air, as well. He started to
walk away, only to stumble and fall to his hands and knees. He tried
hard to get up, but he didn't seem to have the strength anymore.

Shinji knelt down and carefully tapped Kaoru on his back, as the people
who'd been following circled around.

"Kaoru, can you hear me?" Shinji asked the pale boy. Kaoru only
nodded.

"Kaoru, what happened? Where's Ayanami?"

Kaoru just shook his head again. He coughed, his whole body spasming
with the force.

Shinji frowned. He turned to face the others.

"Kensuke, can you keep an eye on him?" he asked, in a rushed voice.
Kensuke nodded carefully, keeping his eyes on Shinji's and trying to
ascertain what the boy was thinking. He could only see nervousness.

"The rest of you guys, help me find Ayanami," Shinji continued. He
couldn't keep his voice from trembling, even though he knew he was
supposed to be the one in charge. As such, his 'order' sounded a bit
more like a suggestion.

The other men knew it was an order, though, and they all wanted to
look, anyway. They spread out, searching for any trace of Rei Ayanami.

Several long minutes passed. Rei's name was called out by everyone
looking for her, with no response. Shinji quickly began to get
desperate. He ran all over the place, looking behind every rock, under
every bit of rubble. His hands were soon scraped and bleeding as he
moved bits and pieces of debris out of the way so he could see if there
was anything they were hiding. But he didn't care; he knew he had to
find her.

^Kaoru-kun survived...so Ayanami had to, as well, right?^ he thought.
He wasn't sure. It didn't make any sense that Kaoru would have
survived while Ayanami had been vaporized. But logic was quickly
abandoning him. He just knew he had to find some trace of her.

In the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn't be this concerned.
Ayanami was a strong person; stronger than he was, he was certain of
that. Also, there was the fact that she still made him feel queasy
inside; he didn't know what he'd do once he'd found her. But he knew
that it just _wasn't_right_ to leave someone out in the middle of
nowhere, possibly hurt, or even dying...

He shook his head. No, Ayanami wouldn't be dead, he was sure. He
stopped, running his hands through his hair. He looked around, his
head whipping back and forth in hopes that he'd missed something.
Where _was_ she?

He almost missed her; so much dust had fallen onto Rei's unmoving,
prostrate form that she blended in with the color of the earth. Only
by chance did Shinji see her, lying face-down on the ground.

He was there in seconds, rolling Rei onto her back. The girl's eyes
were closed, and they stayed that way, even as Shinji shook her to try
and get her attention. Her head lolled around limply on her neck, so
much that Shinji let go, fearing that he was hurting her.

"Ayanami?" he called, loudly, hoping she might respond to her name
being called. "Ayanami? Can you hear me? Ayanami!"

Rei was in bad shape, he could see. Blood was streaked over her face
and down her neck; apparently she'd hit her head on something. Her arm
was bent at an odd angle; Shinji winced in empathy just looking at the
injury.

He reached out to put his hand onto her chest and see that she was
still alive. He hesitated, however, as he remembered where his hand
would be going to check her heartbeat.

^Idiot,^ he chided himself. ^Don't think about things like that. And
she's unconscious, anyway...^

But he still couldn't do it. Grumbling to himself, he instead picked
up her good arm and put two fingers onto her wrist. He had to search
around for a minute before he found a pulse. It was rather weak, but
still regular.

He sighed in relief and carefully lowered her arm down to the ground.
It seemed she was OK for the time being, but he knew she couldn't be
left out here.

He looked around, waving his arms and calling out to try and get the
attention of someone nearby. Two of the closer men headed for his
position as they noticed him.

"Help me with her," Shinji said, looping his arms under Rei's armpits.
He looked up at the two men, only to see them standing, arms hanging by
their sides, watching him. They both looked afraid to even _look_ at
Rei, let alone pick her up.

"What's wrong?" Shinji asked. "Help me."

"Ikari-san..." one of the men said, slowly. "...she...she's dangerous.
You shouldn't be touching her." All he could think of at the moment
was how he'd seen this girl, a little younger, just before he'd
dissolved into LCL. The other man was thinking the same thing.

Shinji looked at them incredulously. "She's _hurt_," he said, trying
to sound authoritative, and not doing so well. ^I wish Asuka was here.
She'd get these guys moving.^

The men looked like they wanted to comply, but fear had frozen their
feet to the ground. They'd been willing to help find the girl, but
neither had thought about what to do if she was hurt.

After a few moments of staring at them, trying to will them to help,
Shinji gave up and adjusted his grip.

Placing his left arm in the crook of her knees to hold her, and
cradling her head and upper body in his right arm, he slowly lifted her
off the ground. Her blood slowly seeped into his shirt, staining it
crimson. It was true that she was stronger than him, but that strength
was only on the inside. As indestructible as Ayanami sometimes seemed,
she could be broken just as easily as him.

He grunted and started walking, taking one step after another towards
the camp. He was thankful that the air had cleared, letting him
breathe. Rei was heavier than she looked, but Shinji figured he could
handle it. He tried to be gentle, though the exertion made that
difficult.

The men followed dumbly, looking quite ashamed. Shinji called over his
shoulder at them.

"If you want to help, get Kensuke and tell him to bring back Kaoru-
kun."

The men nodded and then jogged off, as though afraid to follow him any
further than they had to.

^I _really_ need to get Asuka to show me how to get people to listen to
me,^ Shinji thought. ^Or maybe Misato-san...people seem to listen to her.^

It was quite a distance back to the camp, but Shinji was determined to
walk it, carrying the girl with him the whole way if necessary. No
matter what she'd done before, she didn't deserve to be left out here.

As he walked, he realized that this was the second time he had ever
held her in his arms. The first time, she had been helpless, her life
hanging in the balance...

...just like she was now.

He was so concerned with his own thoughts, as well as keeping himself
moving, that he didn't notice Rei beginning to stir.

* * *

Rei's eyes tightened as she regained consciousness.

She felt _terrible_. The last thing she remembered had been seeing the
Eva explode in front of her. She'd known it was too late to avoid the
blast, but she'd still tried to brace herself. The force of the
explosion had been too much, though; she'd been thrown backwards. Her
head had hit the ground rather hard; it had felt like her skull had
found a rock buried in the earth. With a brief burst of pain, she'd
passed out.

Now, She had a splitting headache, starting from the back of her head
and spreading out through the rest of her. Her right arm felt like it
was going to explode.

^Probably broken,^ she reasoned. She opened her eyes to get a better
look...

...and was immediately greeted by the face of Shinji Ikari.

The angle was a little odd. She was looking _up_ at his head, her
point of view apparently below him. Glancing to the right, she saw she
was right up against him.

^He is...carrying me,^ she thought, her eyes widening. A blush quickly
spread over her cheeks. ^Why? Why would he do this? Was I badly
hurt?^

She looked down, seeing that her arm was, indeed, very badly broken,
possibly in two places. Her face kept the detached look it usually
had, but her cheeks were getting steadily redder as she became aware of
Shinji's body warmth seeping into her. Did she warm him as well, being
held as she was?

^No, I...I cannot think like this...he is with Soryu...^

But she found that she didn't want to be put down, not yet. Strangely
enough, she felt better in this position; more secure, more relaxed.
Indeed, it almost felt as though the pain from her injuries was
receding, as she rested in his arms.

She'd only had this safe feeling once before...and while being held by
the same boy who held her now...

Shinji let out a small grunt of effort. It was obviously taking a lot
out of him to be doing this. He shifted his grip on Rei,
unintentionally moving her arm and sending a burst or firey pain
through the girl, causing her to gasp and cry out.

Shinji was so surprised, he almost dropped her. But he caught her at
the last second, again jerking her arm and making her cry out. Rei's
eyes were clenched shut again, trying to withstand the pain.

"Ayanami?" Shinji asked. "Ayanami, are you awake?"

Rei could only manage a weak nod. She forced her eyes open to meet
Shinji's gaze.

Shinji was now looking directly at her. "Can you stand?" he asked, his
face full of worry.

Rei nodded again. Shinji was more careful in handling her this time,
setting her on her feet and trying not to move her arm. It was
difficult, though. Rei only succeeded in not crying out again through
a great amount of self-control.

Shinji gave Rei some time to compose herself. The girl cradled her
right arm close to her body, trying to protect it.

"Are you all right?" he asked, out of habit. ^Of _course_ she's not
all right,^ he thought, his eyes going back down to her injured limb.

Rei still nodded. "I will live," she said, keeping her voice even and
trying to ignore the pain. However, she noticed the blood on the arm
of his shirt. ^Is that from me? Or did he injure himself trying to
help me?^

"Well, come on," he said, pointing in the direction he'd been walking.
"Let's see if we can do something about that arm. How's your head?"

^Terrible.^ "It should heal," Rei responded. She reached back
carefully and touched the part of her head that felt like the source of
the pain. She touched wetness, bringing her hand back around to see
the blood on it.

^It seems the blood on him is from me. I suppose that is better.
I...do not want to see Ikari-kun hurt, especially not on my account.^
That last thought called up half-forgotten memories, of how often she
had protected him in the past. And now, Ikari was helping _her_,
instead of the other way around...

"Here," Shinji said, taking a cloth out of his pocket and handing it to
her. "Try putting pressure on that."

Rei did so, then started walking, coming alongside Shinji. Shinji, for
his part, glanced back over his shoulder, to see the rest of the group
beginning to catch up.

He looked back to the girl standing next to him. Despite himself, he
too felt some of the fear the other men had been experiencing. Now
that Rei was awake, he couldn't forget that she wasn't exactly normal.
He began to drift away from her.

^Why is he doing this?^ Rei wondered, noticing how he was moving away.
^He was helping me just a moment ago. Why avoid me, now?^

She wanted to ask Shinji, but was hesitant to do so. If the boy was
avoiding her, was there any guarantee he'd want to answer her
questions? As such, Rei remained silent as they got back into the
camp. She also remained silent as a crowd of people surrounded them,
asking them what had happened and if they were safe. And she remained
silent as Shinji took her over to Ritsuko and Maya to see if the two
women could help set Rei's arm.

It was only much later that Rei finally came to a conclusion.

^Is he...afraid of me?^

* * *

Touji looked out, again, at Tokyo-2. Or rather, where Tokyo-2 once had
been. The shockwaves and explosions of the earlier fight had proven to
be too much for the decaying buildings. The city had been levelled to
the ground in a matter of minutes. Touji sighed, despite himself.
What a waste that had been.

"Something wrong?" Hikari asked, from her position next to him.

Touji turned towards the girl and gave her an encouraging smile.
"Nah," he said, brusquely. "Just looking around, ya know?"

Hikari didn't seem to buy that explanation, but she didn't say
anything. Touji sighed inwardly at this. She was probably going to
make him pay for lying. Somehow, someway, she'd do it, and he was
helpless to stop it.

On the upside, he'd been welcomed back very nicely by everyone. When
he'd first gotten in, everyone had been in a panic, apparently about
the Eva he'd seen out in the distance. He had a few questions about
that thing, himself.

Fortunately, word had spread quickly that he was back, as people had
begun to recognize him. No one had taken the time to talk to him,
though, as they were all too worried looking out at the Eva, and
listening to Asuka, who'd been there ordering people around and trying
to keep everyone under control.

The first person he'd searched out had been Hikari. All he'd been able
to think of, after seeing the frenzy of activity, coupled with the
mecha on the horizon, was that maybe the people he cared about the most
had been hurt.

His fears had not been justified; he'd found Hikari off in a corner of
the camp, doing her best to stay calm. She hadn't been doing so well.
The girl had been surprised at Touji suddenly walking up, but the shock
had passed quickly.

After a rather involved 'welcome back' kiss, Hikari had started
explaining what had happened. Or rather, what she had been able to
piece together. Eventually, they'd come over to the edge of the camp,
where they stood now.

A while ago, Shinji and the others who'd still been out there had come
back. In the ensuing activity, Touji hadn't had the opportunity to say
hello. Currently, the boy was in one of the shelters with Akagi and
Ibuki. Apprently Ayanami and some other kid had been injured. Touji
clenched his fists unconsciously, knowing that he was unable to help,
and angry for it.

Shinji finally came out of the shelter, wiping his hands onto his pants
to try and clean them off. Touji couldn't help noticing the large
bloodstain on his arm, up around the crook of his elbow.

^What happened?^ he wondered. He started making his way towards
Shinji, leading Hikari along with him.

Unfortunately, everyone else in the general vicinity _also_ wanted to
know what had happened. They clustered around, crowding in on Shinji
and shouting out hundreds of questions, until Shinji looked like he was
going to pass out.

Touji twitched, seeing this. Excusing himself from Hikari for a
minute, he shoved through the crowd until he reached Shinji. Then he
turned around and started waving people off, raising his voice so he
could be heard above the clamor of everyone trying to talk at once.

Off to his side, he heard another loud voice. Glancing in that
direction, he saw Asuka had gotten the same idea as he had. The girl
met his eyes and nodded once, the only greeting she could manage at
this point.

"Everyone just back off!" she said, literally shoving people away.
"Give him a minute to breathe!"

After a while, Misato caught up and took Asuka's place as crowd
control. She threw Touji a smile, which he returned. But then they
both had to go back to making sure no one got too animated.

Meanwhile, Asuka came up next to Shinji, who'd sat down on the ground
as people had crowded in. Touji turned his head to see the two of them
talking. Asuka nodded as Shinji quietly explained what he'd heard.

Finally, the German girl got to her feet. "All right, everyone, calm
down and I'll give you the lowdown."

"Yeah, everyone, shut up!" Touji shouted. This got him a glare from
Misato and Asuka for being rude, but he just ignored them.

The crowd calmed down very quickly. Asuka stepped up in between Touji
and Misato.

"All right, it looks like the Eva out there was just in a fight with
another one. We won, so you're not in danger any more." Noting the
questions on the people's faces, Asuka continued. "We don't know
_where_ the other Eva came from. We'll try and figure it out."

She took a breath, as chatter began to pick up again in the other
people. "Rei and Nagisa are both OK," she said, calmly. "They're both
a little beat up, but they're resting, now. That's...really all I have
to say," she finished.

Misato took this as her cue. "All right, you heard her, clear out! Go
do something important."

Touji pitched in, trying to get everyone moving. Many people lingered,
but no one seemed to want to tick off any of the people who'd been
keeping them back.

"Well," Misato said, strolling up to Touji after everyone had left.
"Sorry you had to see that, Suzuhara."

"Ah, it's fine," Touji said, nonchalantly.

Misato smiled, then gave him a loose hug - not enough for him to start
getting ideas. "Glad to see you made it back," she said, letting him
go.

"Yeah, I'm in one piece," he said, patting his torso for emphasis.

"So the second stooge is still alive?" Asuka commented from a distance,
crossing her arms haughtily.

Touji grit his teeth and turned to face the girl. "Nice to see you
too, Soryu."

Asuka nodded at him again, not saying anything else. She then helped
Shinji back to his feet and led him off to a slightly more open space.
She looked back and gestured for the other two to follow her.

"C'mon," Misato said, grabbing his arm. "You probably have a lot to
tell us."

"Hang on, hang on," Touji replied, shaking her off. "Hikari, come on.
You can listen in, too."

The freckled girl blushed a little at the attention, then followed,
taking Touji's hand as he offered it. Misato smiled again, watching.

"Well then, come on, you two. Maybe we can figure out what the hell
just happened."

She led the way, with Touji and Hikari following close behind. They
eventually took seats in a relatively open area, far enough from most
of the buildings that other people wouldn't bother them. By the time
they'd gotten there, Shinji had collected himself enough to be able to
talk.

He started hesitantly, but slowly became more sure of himself, as he
explained what Dr. Akagi had told him. Rei and Kaoru were both alive,
and resting. Unfortunately, they hadn't come out unscathed. Nagisa
had a concussion, but would recover quickly. Rei, on the other hand,
had her arm broken in two places. She'd also gotten a nasty gash on
the back of her head, along with a concussion of her own. She was
probably going to be bedridden for another day or two. The only thing
that really had them worried was the arm; they weren't sure they'd been
able to set it correctly.

There were mixed reactions around the group. Hikari was content just
to hear that they were both alive. Misato, on the other hand, was
concerned to hear about their injuries. The others all had varying
levels of worry and relief. Shinji just looked tired, the events of
the past few hours having worn him out. Asuka helped him to bed, then
stood guard outside to make sure everyone left him alone.

Slowly, time passed, until the sun finally set. Asuka decided _she'd_
had a long day, too, and joined Shinji as they tried to help each other
sleep. Around the camp, everyone else also went about going to bed.

But as the sun set, a dark, blocky shape appeared over the horizon.

Its metal form had travelled thousands of miles in record time to reach
its current destination. Its crew had been hard pressed to make that
kind of time, but they'd managed to arrive on schedule.

Now came the hard part: first contact.

* * *

"Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yes sir. The coordinates were quite exact."

"Amazing," the captain said to himself, shaking his head as he looked
out the window.

He stood on the bridge of the U.S.S. _Goliath_, a massive aircraft
carrier. Hours ago, they'd been in the middle of the Pacific, on their
way to a friendly port in Asia. Their course had changed, though,
after a report of an explosion out in Japan. They'd double-timed
it here so they didn't miss anything.

Now, the rest of the mission was up to the helicopters that rested on
the _Goliath_'s deck. Although the ship had originally been meant to
carry airplanes, several weeks ago it had been converted to carry
mostly helicopters.

And there were a _lot_ of helicopters. The captain was still a little
disturbed, seeing so many rotating blades all sitting in one place.
All they needed was one little screw-up, and everything would crash
into everything else...

But he'd been assured it wouldn't be a problem. So, he kept himself
from worrying about it too much. He looked back out the window, to the
dim coastline of Japan. It was hard to believe there was anything
left, but they'd been informed of an explosion here not long ago. An
explosion was worth investigating. It either meant there were humans
here, or there _had_ been.

"Should we wait until morning to deploy, sir?" one of the techs asked.

The captain shook his head. He'd made a decision on this some time
before they'd arrived at their current position.

"The men are all still on Pacific time," the captain said. "If we
wait until morning, they'll start showing signs of fatigue. And we
still don't know if we'll find hostiles, here."

"Understood, sir."

"It's fine. Now deploy. I want them to search as much of the area as
they can with their current fuel supplies."

"Roger."

The bridge lit up with even more activity than usual, as orders were
given and displays were checked. Down on the deck, many powerful
engines were activated.

Some years ago, the acceptable routine may have been to send out a lone
scout, either a light jet or a fast helicopter. But that had been
before the near-apocalypse. Now, speed was of the essence, because
every second wasted was another second that a group of refugees would
be going unnoticed.

And so, one by one, the helicopters lifted off from the deck, rising
into the night sky. The captain gave them a brief salute, once they
were all airborne. Seconds after he'd done so, they began moving en
masse towards the land.

* * *

Long after everyone else had gone to sleep, Touji and Hikari remained
awake. Touji had lived outside long enough that he had gotten to know
the night sky very well. He could think of no one else he'd want to
show it to.

He and Hikari sat on a small rise of the turf, leaning against a
rolled-up blanket Touji had brought for just that purpose. They sat
next to one another, Touji with his arm around Hikari. Sharing body
warmth, they stayed comfortable in the cooling night air.

"So Ayanami and Nagisa are going to be all right," Hikari commented,
breaking the silence.

"Yeah," Touji responded, simply. Neither of them really wanted to talk
about it; it was hard for them to think about people they knew getting
hurt.

Hikari sighed. It had been so long since she'd seen Touji. She wanted
to talk to him, ask him some of the questions that had been bugging her
since he'd left. But it was so nice, just sitting here looking at the
stars...

"What's on your mind?" Touji asked.

"Huh?"

"You're thinking about something. What is it?"

Hikari smiled at the concern. "Well...really, what _did_ you see out
there?" Hikari asked, keeping her voice quiet so she didn't disturb the
peace of the moment.

"A lot of dust," Touji responded, also quietly. "There just isn't much
left."

"I guess. Did you meet anyone else?"

"A few people. I sent them back here. I think I saw a few of 'em
today."

"That was nice of you."

"I'm allowed to be nice."

"I know." A brief pause followed this statement. A comforting silence
fell on the two.

After a while, a particularly frigid breeze blew over them, causing
Hikari to shiver. "It's getting cold."

Touji reached over and grabbed another blanket he'd had folded up next
to him. He threw it over them, feeling Hikari cuddle up closer to him
for the extra heat.

"Yeah, I can be nice," he said, commenting on his own action.

Hikari nodded, turning her head and nuzzling his neck a little. Touji
in turn adjusted his grip and gently rubbed her side.

Hikari's eyes cracked open. "None of that, now," she said. "That's
what got me the way I am."

"No harm in doing it again, then, right?" Touji asked, smiling a
little.

"Hm..." Hikari mumbled. "Guess not..."

They didn't move from their positions, though; they were both too tired
for much more than talk.

Hikari turned her head, resting on Touji's shoulder and looking out to
the sky. The stars glittered in her eyes as she gazed into the night.

"Hm...hey, Touji?"

"Eh?"

"Which stars are _those_?"

Touji followed her gaze as best he could. He looked over the sky, so
familiar to him now, trying to pick out what the girl next to him was
talking about.

Finally, he saw them; a few lights, sitting in between the stars he
remembered. Only these lights were new; he'd never seen them before.
Their color was also very different from the other stars, and they
seemed to move around. But he was too tired to care, at the moment.

"I dunno..." he said, slowly. "I guess I just didn't look hard enough
in that direction."

"I guess."

"What the..."

Hikari looked again, hearing the shock in Touji's voice. As she
looked, more of the new lights appeared. They came in pairs, popping
up in one place, then another, until there were over two dozen of them.

More importantly, they were becoming larger, as though approaching.

Touji heard it first; a buzzing, slowly growing louder as the lights
approached. Very soon, it was discernible as a collection of beats, of
air being whipped around by many blades.

It was also about then that the forms of over a dozen helicopters
became apparent, sitting behind the running lights they'd activated
just as they came in.

"Holy shi - " Touji was drowned out as one chopper came in low, passing
not more than ten meters above him and Hikari, the wind from its blades
blowing their hair around and the sheer noise nearly deafening them.
Hikari let out a brief yell of utter surprise.

The helicopters spread out, going in all different directions and
covering territory quickly. On their noses, large spotlights
activated, pools of light forming everywhere, lighting up the area as
though it were day.

Touji stood up, helping Hikari to her feet. He raised one hand to his
eyes, not because of light but because of wind, trying make out what
was going on.

"C'mon," he said, taking Hikari's hand. They started down the small
rise, abandoning the blankets they'd been using. A feeling of
disappointment at being interrupted filled both of them. But at the
same time, a feeling of excitement - and fear - of this new development
was also beginning to rise up in their hearts.

They got to the camp as other people, awakened by the noise and light,
began to come out of their shelters. They looked into the sky with a
mix of shock and awe, as the helicopters swarmed overhead like bees.

One chopper pulled around, slowly circling the camp. A man's voice
boomed out of speakers on the craft, somehow even _louder_ than the
combined noise of so many helicopter engines.

"What'd he say?" Hikari asked.

"Uh...I dunno..." Touji said, bashfully. "He's speaking English..."

"Wish you'd paid more attention in that class, huh?" Hikari asked.

Touji considered retorting by saying that _she_ couldn't understand it,
either, but decided against it. He just put his arms around her,
holding her up against him and trying to be supportive.

The man on the speaker finished delivering his message. A brief pause
came, then the man started speaking again, this time in fluent
Japanese, though with a noticeable American accent.

"This is the United States Air Force Specialized Recovery Team. Come
into open view. Bring no weapons. Our intentions are not hostile.
Repeat, our intentions are _not_ hostile. Come into open view and
allow us to land."

"United States _what_?" Touji asked, yelling at the talking helicopter
as it flew overhead.

If the man in the chopper had heard, he didn't say anything. The
helicopter just circled again, repeating the message in English, then
Japanese.

Shinji and Asuka were there, having arrived at some point after the
first sweep. They were watching, just like the other people. They
looked like they had absolutely _no_ idea of how to handle this
situation. Noticing this, Touji did not feel too encouraged. He tried
not to let Hikari notice, though.

Finally, the helicopters clustered over in a small patch of ground just
outside the camp. One by one, they touched down, kicking up small
whirlwhinds with their blades and leaving the tang of engine exhaust in
the air.

It was only now that people began to noticed how the choppers were
mismatched; some of them were landing on permanent skids, while others
were deploying wheels from their hulls. Though they all carried
spotlights, some of the lights appeared to have only recently been
welded on. Some of the choppers were sleek and aerodynamic, while
others were blocky and thick. A few of them had visible weapons ports.

Most people were afraid to approach. Touji wanted to go and see, but
he didn't want to leave Hikari, either. Not wanting to bring her up to
so many armed aircraft, he stayed with her, keeping his arms around
her.

^Looks like it's up to you guys,^ Touji thought, noticing how Shinji
and Asuka had snapped out of their surprised states and were cautiously
approaching the helicopters.

* * *

The spotlights on the helicopters shone brightly; anyone looking at
them was blinded. Shinji and Asuka had to squint just to be able to
see. They were both disappointed at having been so abruptly awakened,
but they were also both too excited to let that get them down.

Shinji glanced over at Asuka, walking next to him. He didn't say
anything; he doubted the girl would be able to hear him over the noise
of the choppers. But he was able to see, even through the glare, that
Asuka looked confident.

Shinji turned back to the new arrivals, trying to copy Asuka's mood.
It didn't come easily; it never did. But he was at least able to keep
his composure as they finally came up to what looked to be the lead
helicopter.

The leader was a lightweight affair, with large windows and huge
propellers. It looked like a military design, but definitely not one
for fighting. This helped ease Shinji's nerves a _little_. However,
the sight of a nearby Apache helicopter, bristling with missiles and
guns, had the exact opposite effect.

^Sure hope they were serious when they said they weren't hostile,^ he
thought.

A door on the lead chopper swung open. A lean man, looking to be in
his late twenties, jumped out. He was followed shortly by a few other
men who hung back. Shinji kept his eyes on the first man, but his gaze
- as well as Asuka's - kept flickering out to the other helicopters,
where they though they could see the glint of polished rifles hiding in
the darkness of some of the choppers' bellies.

The lean man walked up to them, his face a dark smear with the
spotlights behind him. However, both Shinji and Asuka noticed when his
hand twitched towards the handgun he wore at his hip.

He stopped when he was about two meters in front of them, his eyes
looking Shinji and Asuka up and down. Shinji couldn't help feeling
that he was being eyed like a piece of meat.

Asuka, apparently feeling the same thing, crossed the rest of the
distance to the man and extended her hand. Shinji couldn't see it, but
her eyes were hard and her jaw was set.

"Welcome to Japan," Asuka said, simply. However, she had to shout to
be heard over the noise of helicopter engines.

The lean man looked at her, silently, for a long moment. Finally, he
took her hand and shook it. "The name's Lewis," he said, also shouting
over the noise. "Major Lewis, of the USAFSRT. Glad we found someone
here." His voice, as well as the accent on his Japanese, identified
him quickly as the person who'd been speaking into the loudspeaker a
moment ago.

"Asuka Langley Soryu," Asuka replied, identifying herself. "This here
is Shinji Ikari," she said, gesturing to Shinji. Shinji could only
wave awkwardly, the distance being too great to try shaking hands.

Lewis nodded once at Shinji, then turned back to Asuka. Behind him,
most of the spotlights shut down, allowing light from the moon and
stars to illuminate the landscape again.

"All right, thanks for coming out to meet us," he said,
condescendingly. "So who's in charge, here?"

"We are," Shinji and Asuka both said at once, without hesitation.

Lewis blinked, the gesture being visible now in the reduced glare.
Then, he rolled his eyes and smiled. "Should've seen that coming,
eh?" he asked. "OK, great. So look, can we land here? It didn't look
like there was any kind of settlement on this patch of land."

Asuka glanced at Shinji, who just shrugged. "It's fine," she said.
"So now that you're done showboating, who are you, and what the hell
are you doing here?"

Shinji grimaced slightly at her attitude, but said nothing. However,
he _did_ manage to make his feet move, getting him over to Asuka's side
and closer to Lewis.

Lewis, for his part, just smiled lopsidedly. "Well, is there anyplace
we can talk? It's a little noisy here."

Shinji and Asuka looked at each other again. "Come on," Asuka said,
gesturing towards the camp. "Hope this doesn't have to be private or
anything."

"No, everyone can hear," Lewis replied. He turned and gestured to a
few of the men in the choppers. They disembarked and followed him as
he caught up to Shinji and Asuka. Shinji, looking over his shoulder,
saw that a few of them did indeed carry rifles and machine guns.

Lewis noticed the glance. "Don't worry, kid," he said, patting Shinji
on the shoulder. He was able to lower his voice, now that their
distance from the helicopters was increasing. "That hardware's just
for our protection."

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, finally speaking to the American
commander. "That looks like overkill. We don't have that many weapons
around here."

Lewis smiled again. "_You_ don't, but we've serviced other countries
before coming here."

Asuka turned slightly, to see what they were talking about. She saw
the weapons immediately, then turned back, shifting her attention to
the conversation on her right.

"You see," Lewis explained, "We're a special division of what's left of
the US Air Force, working in conjunction with the Navy. It's our job
to investigate surviving human settlements and provide aid when
necessary. America got off pretty well, so we kinda see it as our
responsiblity to get the other countries back on their feet."

Shinji nodded, glancing forwards every few seconds to make sure he
didn't trip. They were beginning to get back into the camp. The other
Japanese refugees were moving back, keeping their distance from the
new arrivals, especially when they saw the guns.

"But the problem is that not every country starts up under some
benevolent ruler and gets some 'era of peace' and shit like that,"
Lewis continued. "We've run into more loonies than you could shake a
stick at. Problem is some of 'em are armed."

"You mean fanatics," Asuka said, looking at him.

Lewis turned to face her. "Yeah, that's just what I mean. People
saying crap like 'God's will has come and only the chosen were meant to
come back'. So of course only _they_ are these 'chosen', and everyone
else might as well paint big bulls-eyes on themselves."

Shinji's eyes widened, both at what Lewis was saying and at how easily
he was saying it. ^He's obviously military, I could see that right
off,^ he thought. ^I guess it's good to have someone like around if
there are people like what he just said. But why would people do that?
Can't they see everyone's struggling? Well...maybe not _everyone_...^
he thought, looking back at the helicopter armada that had just landed.

"Well, we're all mostly sane here," Asuka replied, coming to a stop
somewhere in the middle of the camp. "So you don't need your big
toys."

"An M-16 is not a toy, little lady," Lewis replied, his voice going
stern for a moment.

"It is compared to what _I_ used to use," Asuka replied, smirking.

"Heh," Lewis grunted out. "I might like it here." He looked around,
seeing the eyes from dozens of people too scared to come any closer,
but too interested to run away. He nodded knowingly to himself, having
seen that look several times before on this job. It would pass.

"OK, great," he said, putting his hands in his pockets. Now, we - "

He was cut off as his radio beeped. Letting out a small noise of
apology, he brought the headset to his ear. After a moment, he started
speaking rapidly in English. Shinji couldn't make any of it out, but
he could tell there was a definite edge to his words. Lewis' hand also
twitched for his sidearm again.

He switched off the radio before the other person was even done
talking. He then turned his gaze on Shinji and Asuka. "Big toys,
eh?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow. "You know what my men just found
over the ridge?"

Neither Shinji nor Asuka said anything, both of them knowing it was
probably just a rhetorical question.

"One of those big robots you people kept making. You just can't let
those damn things go, can you?" he asked. "Jesus, the _world_ goes
down, and you Japs _still_ want the biggest - "

"It's a tool to help us get back on our feet," came a voice, cutting
him off.

Both Lewis and Asuka looked at who had spoken: Shinji. The boy
blinked, unable to believe he'd actually just said that. But he knew
he couldn't stop now.

"We use it to help move large objects," he explained. "Ayanami and
Kaoru-kun are very careful with it. We don't want to hurt people with
Eva again," he added on. But even as he said this, he briefly
remembered what he'd seen Eva-00 doing to the MP Eva earlier. He hoped
he sounded convincing.

"Yeah, and without that thing, we'd all be toast anyway," Asuka added
in, not wanting to be left out. She threw Shinji an approving glance,
feeling moderately turned on by this show of spine.

Lewis held up his hands defensively. "All right, sorry. You sound
sincere, anyway. But look..." he said, turning around and looking back
to the choppers, while putting his hands back in his pockets. "We
brought all this stuff over from America, thinkin' you people would
need it. If you got this giant robot..." he said, trailing off and
glancing back at them.

Shinji and Asuka looked at him disbelievingly.

Lewis turned around and smiled again. "Ah, can't you take a joke?" he
asked. "C'mon, show my men where you got a supply depot, or just
someplace we can deposit some of what we're carrying. Beats lugging it
all the way back to the States, anyway..."

Asuka closed her eyes and thanked whatever god was up there. She'd
been worried for a moment, though she hadn't let it show through her
mask of toughness. Glancing over to Shinji, she could see him visibly
relax. ^Same old baka,^ she thought. ^But somewhere in there is a
spine. Just gotta push him into showing it more...^

"Now, you understand..." Lewis was saying, as he started walking again,
"...that I'm gonna want some explanations. Like where that explosion
yesterday came from. Who are 'Ayanami' and 'Kaoru-kun,' anyway?"

"Well, I think I can set something up," Shinji replied, following the
older man as they walked through the encampment. "Come on, you can
probably start unloading right over here. There's also a girl who's
recently been hurt. Do you have any doctors with you?"

"We get by," Lewis said, his voice fading with the distance. "We can
take a look, if you want..."

Asuka shook her head at being left behind. "Baka," she said, to no one
in particular, as she jogged to catch up.

* * *

Rei stood in a space of total blackness. She couldn't feel the ground
under her feet, or even the air around her. Looking down, she saw that
she was wearing her old school uniform.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence and darkness. Then, Rei
became aware of a pair of red lights floating in front of her, shining
dully against the blackness. Rei met the familiar "eyes" with her
steady gaze.

"I did not want to fight," Rei's own voice sounded in the darkness.
But Rei knew it wasn't _her_ that was speaking. It was..._it_, that
was doing the speaking right now.

Rei said nothing; she didn't know what to say. Why should a Dummy plug
care whether it fought or not?

"You made me fight. You made me live, when I wanted to die. You made
me destroy one of my own."

"You did it of your own volition," Rei responded, simply.

Silence greeted her. Then, images began to flash, lighting up the
darkness.

Shinji, arguing with Asuka as they walked to NERV...

Asuka, an angry, helpless look in her eyes, as her hand flew at Rei's
cheek...

"We are of the same mind," the Dummy plug began.

Watching the extra bodies floating in the tank of LCL, while Rei
herself was standing in the recording tube for the Dummy plug.

"And the same body."

A shot from Unit-00's viewpoint, as it plunged the Lancea Longinus into
Lillith's chest.

"I was made from you."

Gendo Ikari, looking down at Rei, a serious look on his face as the
light reflected off his omnipresent sunglasses.

"My actions depend on you."

The images began to accelerate, appearing for only a fraction of a
second, then flickering to the next one.

Gendo.

Shinji.

Asuka.

Touji.
< br> Ritsuko.

Unit-01.

An MP Eva.

Sachiel...Samshel...Ramiel...Gaghiel...Sandalphon...Israfel.. .

"Stop this," Rei said.

The images didn't stop coming. "Why?" the Dummy plug asked.

"This is pointless. You are merely showing me things I already know."

"These are my memories, as well. As I have said, I am nothing but a
derivative of you, a copy of a copy. I have no will to live, yet you
make me live."

"We need you to help us. Without you, the other Eva would have
destroyed us all."

"What are your feelings on this?" the Dummy asked, as though it hadn't
even heard Rei's statement.

An image froze in front of her. Sahaquiel, looming in front of her as
it plummeted to the earth.

"Enemy," Rei responded, immediately.

An MP Eva, grinning its permanent grin.

"Enemy." Again, no hesitation.

Unit-00.

"Ally."

"Yet it is the same as the thing you just called an enemy," the Dummy
plug responded.

"The other Eva was not under our control. The Evas have the same
powers as the Angels. The only thing that describes whether or not it
is the enemy..." she trailed off, coming to a realization.

"...is whether or not it is your doll," the Dummy plug finished.
"So...does that mean without the Commander, you and I are the enemy?"

Rei didn't respond. She wanted to believe it was false. ^But then why
is everyone afraid of me...^ she wondered.

"How far will you go, to acheive victory?"

"I will do what is necessary to win," Rei replied.

"Are you certain? Your link to the things you called 'enemy' has been
strengthened with this last victory. That is why we may speak like
this. Will you _become_ the enemy, if it means victory?"

Rei was again, unable to answer. She had always done what she was
ordered to. She also didn't quite understand what the Dummy was
talking about.

"I have another question. What are your feelings on this?"

Shinji Ikari's face flashed in front of her. This was a more recent
view, of him looking at her with a concerned look, while absentmindedly
trying to get the blood out of his shirt.

"I...feel strongly, about him." Rei replied.

The mental equivalent of a nod could be felt. "I know. I have
memories of developing feeling, of affection, for Ikari-kun. Do you
remember how you felt, smiling for Ikari-kun when he asked you to?"

Rei nodded. "Yes." She said nothing more; she could tell the Dummy
plug also knew.

"Would you give that up?" the Dummy asked, its voice still calm.

Rei blinked. "I...give up what?"

"Would you give up that feeling? Would you give up Ikari-kun? To
acheive victory over the 'enemy'?"

"I do not wish to."

Asuka's face flashed in front of Rei, briefly, before the blackness,
accompanied by the red eyes, surrounded her again.

"Perhaps you have already lost."

"But I - "

"Goodbye," the Dummy said, sounding exactly as Rei did when she used
that line.

With that, the eyes disappeared. Rei was left floating in the
blackness, but only for a moment. Then the blackness thinned, turning
to gray, and then to light.

And then she woke up.

* * *

Rei came around slowly. After a moment, she opened her eyes,
immediately getting a good look at the ceiling of one of the shelters.

So the Dummy had communicated with her again. And this time, she
hadn't had to be in contact with Unit-00. It was an odd sensation,
that communication; she supposed it was something like what a dream
would feel like. That is, if she had ever dreamed before.

But her thoughts on this matter were pushed aside by more pressing
concerns. Namely, how she felt even worse than when she'd lay down.
She hurt all over. Her head felt like it was trying its damndest to
split in half. Her arm...actually felt okay.

She looked down at the injured limb, her eyes widening very slightly as
she saw it was professionally bound and in a cast. It was sore, but
not as much as it had been before.

She also noticed she was lying on a cot. A clean, white sheet was
underneath her, and she appeared to be raised about a meter off the
ground. She tried to move and get a better look at the room, but a
wave of nausea swept over her as she turned her head. Wincing, Rei
leaned back again, letting her head rest on the pillow.

Pillow? When had they gotten a pillow?

Rei thought it over, eventually deciding that it must have been among
the things they'd recovered from the city. It was all she could come
up with, for now, in terms of an explanation.

She stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it would be before she
would feel like moving. If they'd found some painkillers in the city
too, she could get up before the day was over.

Her present situation accounted for, her thoughts switched to the Eva,
and the battle it had just been in. It had defeated its opponent, but
there had been a tremendous explosion because of it...

^How am I still alive?^ Rei thought. ^If I'd been generating an AT
field, an explosion of that magnitude would not have been a threat.
But I don't know if I can do that anymore. Perhaps stress was enough
to push me into projecting an AT field...^

She thought it over, being unable to come up with anything better as an
explanation. Finally, she went back to looking at the ceiling. This
was what she was used to. Back before Third Impact, when she'd
finished her tasks at NERV, normally all she had left to do was lie in
her room and stare at the walls. She'd never minded before.

^But...this does not seem to be an acceptable state, anymore. Why is
that? Do I fear being alone?^ She thought about it. ^No, it is not
that; being alone has never bothered me before. But I still feel that
something is amiss. What could be wrong? Do...do I want something
more than this? Do I wish to have more in my life...than Eva?^

Again, she went back to staring at the ceiling. Several long minutes
passed, with nothing to do but count cracks in the rock surface above
her. That, and think over the question she'd just posed herself.

^Eva has always been the center of my being. It is what I existed
for. But now...would I seek something beyond that? Something more
than fighting? Again, it seems I need to learn to guide my own life.
This will be difficult...^

Finally, she heard footsteps at the doorway. Dirt crunched under shoes
as someone walked just past the doorway. Rei felt some anticipation
well up in her at the thought of someone coming to see her. The
feeling was unexpected, but not unwelcome.

^It means that someone thinks my life is worthwhile,^ she reasoned. ^I
know that is why I used to visit Ikari-kun whenever he was injured.^

The footsteps receded, then came back, then receded again. They
continued this pattern, with hesitation clearly present in their
rhythm. Rei's hopes fell each time they left, only to rise again when
they came back.

^Is someone pacing in front of the door?^ she wondered. She thought
about looking up to see who it was, but she didn't want to set off her
head injury again. The pain was bearable for now; she'd put up with
worse. But it became too much when she tried to move her head.

Finally, the person at the door seemed to make a decision. They walked
inside, sending a small wave of relief through Rei. Slowly, the person
approached, coming into Rei's view and revealing himself as Shinji
Ikari.

"Ayamami?" Shinji asked, walking up to the side of the cot. "How're
you feeling?"

Rei blinked, meeting his gaze. She'd heard that question before, and
knew that oftentimes it was more a requirement of society than actual
worry for your health. But Shinji's concern seemed to be genuine. So,
Rei took a moment to think about what to say in response, her eyes
glancing off to the side as she did so. Shinji waited patiently,
knowing from experience that Rei didn't always answer immediately, if
at all.

Rei finally found what she wanted to say. Unfortunately, at the same
time she discovered that her mouth didn't want to cooperate with her
thoughts.

^I am in pain.^

"I will live."

^I feel fear.^

"My head injury seems sensitive."

Shinji nodded. "Well, you sort of hit it on a rock, we think. So you
got a light concussion that knocked you out, and you got a big gash
there. You'll be sore for a while, but you'll be fine."

"When will I be able to move?" Rei asked.

Shinji carefully sat down in a nearby chair. "They said you should
stay in bed today, and maybe you could get up again tomorrow. You
should be fine, though. Nothing permanent."

As he said this, Rei looked at his face. Shinji was doing a good job
looking concerned, but she could still see it in his eyes: fear. He
was truly afraid of her.

^Do not fear me.^ she thought.

"Is that all?" she asked.

"Well...there's been some new...uh...developments, Ayanami. We got
some new arrivals last night." He smiled as he said this, even though
he was trying to keep himself composed. "It worked out for you.
Otherwise, you'd be in a lot more pain, now. And we might not have
been able to set your arm right. Be prepared for a shock when you get
out of here."

"What is it?"

"Well...some kind of US-something came in last night. Seems that
explosion got their attention. So maybe we'll be getting some outside
help."

"Or transport out of Japan," Rei added.

Shinji paused at this comment, then nodded. "I guess," he said. "But
most of us just don't want to leave it behind, you know? This is where
our lives were."

Rei looked away. She knew about the sentiments of people, and how they
often had reservations about leaving things behind. She had no such
reservations. She had no good memories of this place, especially not
now, after it had been destroyed.

A long silence passed, during which neither of them moved or spoke.
Finally, Shinji set his jaw, working up the courage for what came next.
"Ayanami...I wanted to save this until you were better. But..."

Rei just blinked, turning her head to get a better look at him.

"Ayanami, you...it was you who activated the Dummy plug in Unit-00,
wasn't it?"

Rei tried to nod, but it was too painful. "Yes," she said, simply.

"Why?"

"Because it was the only way to win."

"Ayanami, you...you saw what the Dummy is. It's a heartless killing
machine, made just to fight. It nearly murdered Touji," he said, his
hands flexing at an unbidden memory of one particular fight. He
paused, taking a breath. "It...it would kill _everyone_ here, if it
felt like it!"

Rei refrained from correcting him that the Dummy would only do what it
was ordered to. She was mainly concentrating on maintaining her
composure.

^He is...angry with me? Why? Ikari, are you rejecting me?^

"Listen, you...Ayanami, I don't want you _ever_ to use the Dummy plug
again! Never ever! Do you understand?"

Rei just met his eyes, her face betraying nothing. Inside, though, she
felt her heart break. ^Ikari-kun...do you hate me?^

Oddly enough, that realization, that the person who'd shown concern for
her was now angry at her, didn't send her into a depression. In fact,
the effect was much the opposite. She felt...anger...

"Was that why you came to see me?" she asked, in a quiet voice.

Shinji looked away. Rei's eyes narrowed imperceptibly.

"No...I wanted to make sure you were all right. Sorry I said all
that," he mumbled out. "But I needed to."

Rei relaxed, as the feeling of anger receded. ^So...he is not
rejecting me.^

"Ikari..." Rei began, hesitantly. Shinji looked at her, equally
hesitantly. "Ikari, I do what is necessary to achieve victory. I will
always do what is necessary. I do not see why I should throw away an
advantage like that."

^She sees the Dummy...as an _advantage_?^ Shinji thought. He shook his
head. "No, no, Ayanami...there has to be a better way. You can't
always take the quickest, bloodiest solution. Lives are worth
something, Ayanami. _Everyone's_ lives." He added that last part
almost as an afterthought, as he finally met her eyes.

They both knew what he was talking about. "I do what is necessary for
victory, Ikari," Rei said, looking away again. "If my own death or the
death of others is necessary..."

Shinji stood up, shaking his head again. It was disturbing for him, to
see Rei actually getting an opinion on something. It only made her
more frightening, in his mind.

"Well...sorry. We'll finish talking about it later, once you're
better. Glad to see you're doing OK, Ayanami," he said. He turned to
go.

^No...don't leave...^ Rei tried to voice this thought, but the words
wouldn't come. She no longer felt angry. Instead, she felt fear, at
the thought of being left alone. She watched, helpless, as Shinji
slowly made his way towards the door.

She could not explain why she didn't want to be alone again. But
she felt that it would be better if he stayed with her. Seeing him
come in had made the secure feeling return in her heart. But watching
him leave, feeling the solitude return, was making her fears return, as
well. So why couldn't she say anything?

^Do I want more than Eva in my life?^ she asked herself, one more time.
At that moment, she made the decision.

^Yes, I do.^

At the last second before Shinji could walk out the doorway, a word
finally came out of Rei's throat.

"Ikari."

Shinji stopped at the mention of his name, one foot frozen just outside
the doorway, while the other was still inside. He turned his head to
look back at Rei.

"Yes, Ayanami?"

Rei felt her heart accelerate. She opened her mouth to speak, and
again the words didn't come. She closed her eyes and got up her
concentration, before forcing her vocal cords to work.

"What...what do you think of me?"

Shinji blinked at the question. He slowly turned around, leaning
against the wall just inside the doorway.

"Why do you ask, Ayanami? I mean, you're a girl trying to start her
life over, aren't - "

"Are you afraid of me?" Rei asked, the question coming out with almost
no hesitation.

Shinji paused, then looked away, breaking eye contact. Rei could tell
what this meant. She tried to keep her gaze on him, but he didn't seem
to want to look at her, right now.

"Why?" she asked.

"What'd Kaoru-kun tell you?" Shinji asked a half-second later, looking
back at her.

Rei blinked twice. "Kaoru-san? Nothing. What..." - it clicked in her
mind what Shinji's question could mean - "...were you talking with him
about me?"

Shinji again broke eye contact.

Rei let out a small sigh. ^Does he not trust me?^ "Ikari-kun, I've
been able to notice from your actions. I am not blind."

"Oh...yeah," Shinji said. He turned to go, again. "Ayanami, I'm
sorry. It's just...what I think. I can't forget what happened."

Rei felt depression start to crawl up into her brain. ^Yes...he
_would_ remember, wouldn't he? I can't make any excuses for my
actions...and I doubt he would accept them, even if I _did_ have any.^

Shinji nodded at her. "I...hope you feel better," he said quickly,
turning to leave again.

"Ikari."

Again, Shinji stopped. He turned his head to look at her, not saying
anything this time in response to his name being called.

"Ikari-kun...come here."

Shinji hesitated, turning the decision over in his mind, before finally
turning around and walking up to the side of the bed.

^Why am I doing this?^ he wondered. ^Well...I guess I know it's wrong
to just leave her like that. But she _does_ scare me. Still...^

"Ikari-kun, there's something I ask of you."

Shinji's brow furrowed; he was sure this was the first time Rei had
ever asked him for anything. "Okay...what is it?"

"Stop being afraid of me."

Shinji blinked rapidly at the request. He leaned forwards a little.
"Ayanami, I...I can try, but I - "

He cut off as he saw Rei lift her good arm up off the bed. Slowly, her
hand came up, towards him. Shinji could only stand there, bent over,
and frozen.

He felt a brief chill go through him as Rei touched the right side of
his face. She rested her hand there, feeling the curve of his cheek.

^I was able to do this once before...^ Rei thought. ^But with the
other arm...and only through the use of Soryu's body. Now I can at
least do it on my own...^

"I can't change what I did," Rei said, beginning to talk before she
thought she was ready. There was turning back once she'd started,
though.

"No one can change the past. But I thought you, of all people, would
be able to remember something, anything, else." Through it all, she
kept her voice soft, and as soothing as she could make it.

Shinji was sure could feel his blood racing through his veins. What
was she _doing_? She was touching his face, cradling it in the one
hand she could still use. She'd even turned her head to look at him
better...wouldn't that hurt?

All he had to do was step away. Rei wasn't physically holding onto
him; he just had to move, and she wouldn't be able to reach him
anymore. When she'd reached for him, he'd felt icy fear spread through
him. It had been so much that he hadn't been able to move. But
now...why wasn't he moving away?

He realized it then: it was the eyes. Back in Third Impact, the thing
he remembered most clearly was how a giant Rei had opened her eyes, and
they had appeared to be glowing, like the rest of her. That had been
when he'd known the thing in front of him was in no way human.

But the Rei touching him now...her eyes were soft and moist, like a
normal person's. And her hand felt...warm, again like a normal
person's.

^What did I expect it to feel like? Cold?^

His eyes widened as the realize that _was_ what he'd expected her to
feel like. Cold and unfeeling, like the attitude she kept projecting
was. But this...this was like an ordinary girl looking at him. He
relaxed, realizing this.

Thinking about it, he wondered what _he'd_ be like if he'd had to go
through what Rei had just done. He was sure he'd have felt insecure,
unsettled...was that what she was feeling? Was she looking for
support?

"It's OK," Shinji said, slowly. "You're alive. You're OK..."

Rei nodded slowly, wincing very slightly as she felt her head wound
explode into pain again. A fresh wave of relief, this one much larger,
went through her. She closed her eyes, blocking out all other
sensations except the feel of his face.

That sensation was stolen from her much too quickly. Another set of
footsteps could be heard outside. Almost too quickly for the eye to
see, Shinji had stood up and backed away from Rei's bed, leaving her
arm to drop down to the sheet again.

Almost before Rei's arm had hit the bed, Asuka walked in through the
doorway. The German girl stepped inside, immediately taking notice of
Shinji standing there. She also glanced at Rei, seeing that the girl's
eyes were open and alert. It was only a glance, though. She looked
back to Shinji, who had just gone pale.

"Hey, Shinji," she said. "Major whatzisname says he's gonna set up a
few things with us, but he needs to talk to the two of us, first." She
jerked her thumb over her shoulder, at the doorway.

"Oh...yeah, OK," Shinji said. He looked down at Rei, who was watching
the two of them, interested.

"So, uh...glad to see you're OK, Ayanami," he mumbled out, before
beginning to head over towards the door.

"How's she doing?" Asuka asked him, as he walked by.

"Fine," the boy replied quickly, avoiding making eye contact with
either girl. "She's awake, why don't you ask her, Asuka?"

"OK, fine," Asuka said, waving him off. "Now get movin'. I'll catch
up." She threw Shinji a self-assured smile. Shinji just nodded back,
before walking _very_ quickly out of the shelter.

Asuka's smile dissolved and her eyes hardened the moment he was out of
sight. She whirled to face Rei.

"What were you doing?" she asked, sharply.

"I was speaking with Ikari-kun," Rei replied, evenly and without
hesitation.

Asuka snorted. "The little invalid's trying to get some pity out of
Shinji-chan?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Rei blinked. "He came in to see if I was awake, nothing more," she
said.

Asuka let out a low sound that closely resembled a growl. "Then how
come he's ashamed to even _talk_ to you in front of me? Why was he
afraid to look at me, Wondergirl? Don't think I didn't notice how he
was acting."

Rei blinked again. "It is no fault of Ikari-kun's."

"_That_, I'm sure of," Asuka replied, putting her fists on her hips.
Look, Rei, I really hope you heard me earlier. You _should_ be happy
with what you can get. And Shinji is off-limits, got it?"

Rei normally would have looked away and conveniently forgotten Asuka's
presence in the room; it was how she'd handled the other girl before.
But this time, she couldn't just back down like that. Her eyes
narrowed, slightly.

Asuka felt a brief stab of fear in spite of herself. Rei always seemed
to be giving off the impression of contained power. Only the girl
never let out that power, because she apparently never saw a reason to.
Had she been pushed too hard, this time?

"Am I not allowed to have a friend, Soryu?" Rei asked. Somehow, even
though her voice was the same even monotone, it carried a barely
perceptible edge to it.

Asuka paused, forcing her fear down by defeating it with anger and
frustration with the girl in front of her. "Not _that_ kind," she
replied, a bit calmer than she'd sounded before.

"Yes, sir," Rei replied, looking away.

Asuka gasped. That was _exactly_ what Rei would say to someone
like...Commander Ikari.

She walked up to the bed, her breathing much too deliberate to be
natural. It sounded more like she was trying to control herself.

"Did you...you just..." she was trying to keep her voice under control,
but she was obviously already strained to the limit.

Rei didn't move her head; she only turned her eyes towards Asuka. But
even with this disinterested gesture, she managed to get a better look
at Asuka's face. There was a mix of emotions there. Rei could see
anger, a trace of sadness, and, lurking somewhere in her eyes...fear?
Was Asuka afraid, as well?

^Yes, of course she is,^ Rei thought. ^Everyone is afraid of me, for
one reason or another. But, it doesn't look like it's _me_ she's
afraid of...^

"I am _not_ like that," Asuka was saying, in a low voice. "I'm not
like that Commander dipshit."

Rei still didn't say anything. But her expression was saying, 'yes,
you are.'

Asuka backed off, a little, allowing herself some breathing room. ^She
said that just like...like she's my _slave_, or something,^ the red-
haired girl thought. ^No, more like...^

"I don't need a doll," Asuka said, her flinty gaze meeting Rei's
unblinking stare. "I don't need someone who does stuff just because I
_tell_ her to. Dammit...Rei, can't you understand? Stay away from
Shinji."

Rei considered saying 'yes, sir,' again. Instead, she paused, sorting
through her thoughts. She thought about what she'd seen in Asuka's
face. It finally clicked in her mind.

"You're afraid," Rei said.

"What?" Asuka asked, cautiously.

"You're afraid of losing him. You're afraid to be alone, Soryu."

"Wh-wh-_what_?! You're out of your mind, Rei. I'm not afraid. I just
want you to know where you stand."

Rei again switched back into silent mode, meeting Asuka's eyes.
Looking into those eyes, Asuka could tell Rei knew: knew that she'd
lied to herself and to Rei with that last statement.

^Bitch,^ Asuka thought. She took a step towards the bed, her hands
clenching and unclenching. She didn't know what she'd do, but she
_did_ know that she was going to make dead sure Rei knew what the rules
were.

She was interrupted by someone clearing their throat at the door.

Asuka froze, silently choosing between continuing with Rei and looking
over to see who had come. Her eyes had a brief staring contest with
Rei's. Considering who her opponent was, it was no surprise that Asuka
lost. She turned to see who had come in.

Kaoru Nagisa stood there, his hands in his pockets and an intrigued
smile on his face. He leaned against the doorway, looking right at
Asuka.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked, innocently. "Were you having a
discussion with Rei, here?"

Asuka backed away, putting on her most convincing smile. "No, you're
not interrupting, Nagisa. I just wanted to see how she was doing."

"Ah," Kaoru said, nodding. He didn't move.

"I guess...I should be leaving, now. Feel better, Rei," Asuka said,
waving at the blue-haired girl as she walked away.

"I still haven't said you could use my first name...Soryu," Rei said,
her voice soft yet clear.

Asuka developed a tic under her right eye. She took a step towards
Rei, but then stopped, her gaze flickering over to Kaoru, who'd come
around so he stood in between them. Making a decision, she forced
herself to calm down, turning around and tossing her head.

"Whatever you say, Wondergirl. Think about what I said."

With that, she walked out. Her feet stomped on the ground a little
harder than they needed to, but other than that, she maintained her
composure.

Kaoru glanced over to Rei as Asuka left. "Rub it in a little deeper,
why don't you?" he commented.

"I...could not help myself," Rei said, looking back at the ceiling. "I
could not tolerate her actions any longer...and I needed to say
something."

"Risky," Kaoru commented. "But life is centered around what risks you
take, isn't it, Rei?"

Rei made a small noise of agreement, not wanting to expend the energy
to nod. ^Choosing to live beyond Eva requires taking more risks, I suppose.^

"Well, in any case, you don't need to tell me what she said, if you
don't want to," Kaoru commented. "I can take a guess."

Rei made another noise of agreement.

"So...this is probably getting monotonous, but how are you feeling?" he
asked, pulling up a chair next to the bed. "You don't mind if I keep
you company for a while, do you?"

"I do not mind."

Kaoru got comfortable in the chair, as they both sat in silence for a
while.

"You know," Kaoru said, "If you're worried about what people think of
you, you should try being a little more...personable."

"Understood."

"Rei, you should try. It worked for me."

"Understood."

Kaoru sighed and went back to sitting in silence with the girl.
Eventually, Rei asked what was going on outside. Kaoru started
talking, keeping his voice calm and reassuring, as he explained the
events of the previous night, going into the day.

------------------------------------------------------------- ---------
Endnote: Yes, I know I broke some rule somewhere by bringing in people
from the outside. If it's any consolation, Major Lewis will not be
a central character in this fic.

------------------------------------------------------------- ---------
Started: May 5, 2001
Version 1 Ended: May 18, 2001
Version 2 Ended: May 26, 2001

Send comments to: otakusadist@hotmail.com
And visit my site: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/shinjirei

Thank you, prereaders: the Avatar of Dragonia, Judging Eagle, and
Heavyarms Kai. Thank you especially Avatar of Dragonia, for giving me
an idea to work from in getting the title for this chapter.

And thank you again, Paul, for suggesting the idea of outside aid to
Japan.