Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Apocryphal Rhythms ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own this wonderful, thought-provoking series, GAINAX does. And I really shouldn't have to say this, but, don't read this until you've finished the series. There might be spoilers along the way.

Neon Genesis Evangelion:

Apocryphal Rhythms

Part2

by ZERØ's Wings

Shinji was curled up in a fetal position on his bed. Track 26, Beethoven's 9th, was playing on his SDAT. The small window over his reading desk looked out upon a cold, grey world of rain. Usually, Shinji would've taken comfort at being wrapped up in a warm bed, safe from the storm outside. Tonight, however, it only intensified his misery. His ceiling, while offering him no comfort, was at least familiar. So was the music that quietly marched on behind his eyes. An 'Ode to Joy,' on a rainy day with a heart full of sorrow.

Shinji wished his bed would swallow him up, and he would never have to see or touch another person in his entire life. He had killed one of the few people who was ever kind to him, saving a race of people who were always cruel or indifferent. Shinji now remembered a dream in which he was on a train car, staring at his own shadow-covered visage as it sat across from him, tormenting him with questions. He had pleaded desperately for someone to be nice to him, and now he cursed that wish. It only made things more difficult, for anyone who touched him became death.

Asuka was still alive now, but she had been catatonic in a hospital bed for almost a week. Shinji felt responsible for her as well, he had always taken her abrasiveness to heart, believing he was at fault for her inexhaustible hostility. Now she was dead to the world, because of him. Always, because of him. I'm a spineless coward, he thought. That is why my friends suffer.

Ode to Joy faded out, and the tape skipped back to the beginning. 'One is the Loneliest Number' by Three Dog Night came on. Shinji decided to turn the music off.

The phosphorescent green letters on Shinji's alarm clock read 3:15. He hadn't slept for days. Not since that day. He was afraid of what nightmares might come to him. He was afraid his mind would dredge up Kaworu's corpse, especially the contented smile on his severed head. Shinji walked to the refrigerator in a sleepless, living death. He got a glass of milk and sat down at the table in Misato's kitchen. His insides churned violently, and he felt tired all the time. His mind was quietly tearing him apart.

Against his own will, Shinji's memory took him back to the day when he killed Kaworu. He remembered climbing out of the Eva, having been towed up out of Terminal Dogma through the main shaft of the geofront. Rei was the first person to greet him on the walkway outside Unit 01. She was staring at him dispassionately, confused by his soft, tormented crying and shivering. He nearly collapsed to the floor as she approached him, and he instead stumbled forward and embraced her, desperate for the support of another. She looked down at his crumpled form, sobbing on her shoulder, and had no idea what to do. Finally, she returned his embrace, stiffly lowering her arms like a forklift so they settled around him.

Shinji was grateful that she at least did that, and was able to calm himself and dry his tears. The inner peace that Rei had unwittingly given him was shattered in the next moment though, as Shinji's father approached on the walkway. Shinji's sorrow evaporated into thin air, blasted from his mind by his sheer hatred for the man he was forced to call 'father.' Gendo Ikari stood there with the same dispassionate look that Rei greeted him with, and muttered: "Good work, Shinji."

No words could've hurt the boy more. Burning hatred rushed up through his gut and into his throat. The feeling was so overwhelming and painful, Shinji thought he would explode from the inside out. "Fuck you!" he spat in a vile tone. "I hate you!!" He rushed toward his father, head down, and slammed home, viciously pummeling his father's stomach with his raw fists.

Gendo Ikari stood motionless, watching his son express his rage by weakly punching him in the gut over and over. He was fed up with his son's insolence, but outwardly showed no anger. Instead, he calmly pulled a taser out of his pocket and pressed it against Shinji's right temple. The boy jerked spastically as sheets of brilliant, stinging pain washed over his body and paralyzed it. He fell back in a crooked fashion, splaying out across the deck in front of Gendo and Rei.

Shinji remembered flowing in and out of consciousness, with waves of pain ebbing and flowing in his head. He remembered the self-satisfied grin on his father's face. It vanished as his father saw Rei's expression, which was one of true anger and disgust. He opened the palms of his scarred hands, offering them to her with a surprised, questioning look on his face. She maintained her angry glare, and spoke to him in an incensed, clipped whisper.

"Was that really necessary?" she asked.

Shinji was silently cheering for Rei. He was so glad that she had finally found some distrust toward his father's actions. If he hadn't been paralyzed from the neck down, he would've jumped up and kissed her for that. His father simply shrugged back at her, turned on his heel, and left.

Shinji tilted his head, ignoring the awful tremors of pain that wracked his body, and watched his father leave. He had seen his father's back more than his face. In fact, the image of his father walking away, deserting him, was the quintessential image of his childhood. It was what had shaped him most, and had made him realize just how little his father really cared about him.

Shinji noticed that the glass of milk in his hand had been broken in a clenched fist. As his anger faded back into sorrow, Shinji softened his grip around the glass. He released it finally, letting milk run out from under his fingers and pool onto the table. The milk was colored pink.

There was a soft knock at the front door. Shinji turned around, bleary-eyed. Who would come over at this hour? he wondered.

Shinji quickly cleared off the table and placed the broken glass in the sink. He approached the door, trying to focus his eyes in the dim light. He fumbled with the latch and swung the door open with a groan. Rei was on the other side of the door, staring forward in an alert but undemanding fashion.

"Ayanami," he said with a yawn, "what are you doing here so late?"

"Were you sleeping?" she asked, curious rather than concerned.

"Actually, no," he admitted. "I've been having trouble sleeping these past few days."

"Oh." She said simply. She folded her hands behind her back and waited patiently. He simply stared back, his eyes bloodshot and his hair a tangled mess. "May I come in?" she asked finally.

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure," he mumbled, taking his hand off the doorway arch to let her by. As she walked forward, she noticed the cuts on his hand.

"You're bleeding," she said quietly.

End Part 2