Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ asukas off day ❯ asukas off day ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

ASUKAS OFF DAY

THRASH: HI ALL I WENT TO THE DENTIST that guys grate except this fucking anesthetic numbed up most of my mouth it feels like shit god well wile Dr. evil was applying it and doing his dentist thang I decided to brainstorm for Asuka's off day so here goes
Message to
The daydreamer
You didn't begin anything buddy

On with the fic

Shinji woke up earlier than usual one morning feeling … normal (how did youe think he would feel odd? It is ASUKAS off day) he tried to sleep more but couldn't so he decide to get up. He did his usual routine brush teeth comb hair kick pen pen.
SHINJI: <thinking> pay a bitch!!! Hahaha
After that he got into his normal shy sweet nice guy mode and went to the kitchen to hear cooking
SHINJI: <thinking> ohhhhhhhhhhhhh shit one of themes cooking again
And so our hero (Shinji for those that haven't paid attention) takes a deep breath sighs and goes into the kitchen. To find Asuka wearing nothing but panties and an apron. That's rite cooking IN HER UNDERWERE her long read hair falling at her waist her shapely legs supporting her perfect body she turned around showing her well developed bust for a fourteen year old clad in an apron (you drooling yet guys).
SHINJI: <thinking> oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit I'm in for it now
Shinji backed away in fear of LOOSING A LIMB OR HIS LIFE
SHINJI: uh … Asuka I…. Uh I didn't… um uh … guh, guh, guh
ASUKA: Shinchan you're awake
Asuka went over to the extremely frightened boy and hugged him
ASUKA: <flirtatiously> I made a special breakfast just for you
Shinji's body stiffened (this ones for you kimbo) all of his body *stiffened* and Asuka apparently felt *it*
ASUKA: hee, hee, hee oh my aren't we excited today!!!
SHINJI: uh um
ASUKA: well we can fix that hee, hee, hee
The beautiful red headed girl garbed Shinji by the hand and led him to her room you can guess what happened
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<& lt;<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;
<THRASHES "OFICE">
THRASH IS OUT AND REI IS DANCING AROUND
REI: do a little dance make a little love get down yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa get down tonight
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<BACK AT THE APARTMENT>
Shinji is all smiles while eating his breakfast and watching Asuka dress for school in front of him
ASUKA: ok lets go to school
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<AT SCHOOL>
When Asuka got to school the first thing she saw was rei (Shinji went with the stooges)
|ASUKA: HEY GIRLFRIEN!!!
REI: …
ASUKA: C'MON GIRL LETS GIRL TALK
REI: girl talk…
ASUKA: YEA!!!
REI: I do not understand
ASUKA: YOU KNOW: GUYS, FAKE ORGASMS, … YOUR'E ALWAYS SO COLD REI!!!
Even the most calm girl in the whole school (universe) looked surprised (she got called her Rei not wondergirl)
REI: what did you call me?
ASUKA: rei isn't that you're name oh you want a nick name ok … SHANANA!!!
SHANANA: Asuka please
ASUKE: ohh I want a nick name too I'm SHANTAI!!!
SHANANA: are you not mad at me about yesterday
Even rei smiled warmly fondly remembering the day before it was perfect…
SHANANA: <thinking> kooooooolade, koooooooolade!!!
SHANTAI: uh shany?
SANANS: uh please call me Rei
SHANTAI: ok Rei can I still be Shantai
Rei was starting to get annoyed by this stupid banter
REI: YES, YES WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST GO AWAY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Rei starts panting
SHANTAI: (looking all shocked) OH NO YOU DID NOT!!! LOOK GIRL I DON PLAY THAT GAME I GET RESPECT YA HEAR THAT SISTA!!!
SOME GIRL: word up!!!
Rei is now fully annoyed
REI: Grrr
SHANTAI: AND SECON ALL!!!
Rei jumps the window lands on two feet and desperately runs back home to take a shower. After the whole ordeal Asuka turns around to find the whole class staring at her. And swiches from gheto mode to sweet mode.
ASUKA: hi everybody!!! I love all of you, you guys are so special to me!!!
Now we go back to Shinji and his friends
TOUJI: what the hell is up with her
KENSUKE: she's not herself,… when did it start shin-man
SHINJI: this morning
TOUJI: did she do anything weird
SHINJI: <blush>
KESUKE: you didn't
SHINJI: <blush harder>
TOUJI: you did
KENSUKE: tell us all the details how was she!!!
Kensuke and Touji kept bantering Shinji to tell them and Shinji kep refuseing but lets go to everyones favorite rep. Hikary had seen all that happened when Asuka went all gheto girl on rei and than got all nice on the whole class
HIKARY: … I need to go to the library
Back to "the three stoges"
TOUJI: c'mon
SHINJI: NO
KENSUKE: tell us
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
KENSUKE: pleas, … cmon, cmon
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
TOUJI: please
SHINJI: NO
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SHINJI: awwww would you look at that it's the bell got to go to my seat damn
Shinji runs over to his seat and sits down while the teacher enters the room. Seeing the teacher inside Asuka runs over to him
TEACHER: oh shit she finally lost it
ASUKA: teacher I missed you
Asuka gives the teacher big ol hug and kisses him on the cheek
ASUKA: hi, hi, hi
TEACHER: uhh….
ASUKA: hey Prof. I really enjoyed the homework I just loooooooooooooooooooove jr. high school!!!
TEACHER: are you ok Asuka
ASUKA: off course what ever makes you say that
TEACHER: Asuka um maybe you should go see the nurse…
ASUKA: what ever you say teach
TEACHER: yea
The teacher try's to go over to scribble the pass when he finds that he cant move
TEACHER: uh… Asuka
ASUKA: yes?
TEACHER: could you let go of me
ASUKA: ok
Asuka lets go of the poor man and he gives her a pass
TEACHER: sigh I see Rei's absent again…
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<NURSES OFICE>
the school nurse is jumping wildly listing to satanic sounding music with a cup of "lambs blood" (koooooooooooooooooooolade) and wearing dark robes
NURSE: <singing like Marilyn Manson>MOTHER FUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER DIEEEEEEEEEEEE SATAN BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD SOMEONES GONNA DIE WHEN YOURE SPEEKING TO ME D-D-D-D- DIE, DIE, DIE!!!
<BEEB>
INTERCOM: were sending in Asuka
NURSE: ASUKA! but she's crazy
INTERCOM: look who's talking Marilyn
NURSE: sighs send her in
The nurse dejectedly turns of the music finishes her "blood" takes robes of and puts a stethoscope around her neck. (She was wearing her uniform under her robe). Asuka walks in side
ASUKA: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppp
NURSE: <thinking> oh yea its gonna be a lo…o…o…ong day

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<& lt;<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;
a few minutes later Asuka is sitting on the bed thingy they have at doctor offices and is chatting with the nurse

ASUKA: heydoyoulikensincthairsoooooooooooooooooocuteijustwannahugemalllll
NURS E: good for you Asuka please go back to class
ASUKA: oky dokey
NURSE: <thinking> if I hear the words funny bunny one more time I'm gonna quit

Asuka walks out of the nurses office and goes back to class
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<& lt;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>

<CLASS>
Rei is back and is normal sitting in her seat staring out the window.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
<LIBRARY>
Yup, it our favorite rep reading the evil books again
HIKARY: spell works best with human sacrifice hmm… didn't I
Hikary looks behind the librararien's desk to find her there the librarian looks happy to see her thinking she was gonna be set free
HIKARY: hi
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;
<SECRET ROOM in nerv>
Gendo is sitting in his desk being his usual scary, intimidating self. And Ritsuko is talking to him
GENDO: so the first and second child are acting strange
RITSUCO: yes yesterday it was Rei, and now Asuka
GENDO: what have they done to make you think they were acting strange
Ritsuko explains the whole story of what happened to Rei the day before.
GENDO: yes this is very odd lets wait and see what happens and if anything weird happens we will look into it more closely now BRING IN THE DANCING LOBSTERS
Like in "the Amanda show" I bunch of guys in lobster out fits come in and start dancing around
GENDO: yes all is in order… get yo fweek on
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;
<THE HALL>
Rei is walking back to class when she turns around to use the rest room but sees Asuka turn a corner
REI: <thinking> she hasn't seen me yet how do I get away… hmm
Suddenly Rei remembers something she saw with Shinji on the discovery channel rei presses herself against the wall and starts to concentrate
REI: <THINKING> she cant see me
ASUKA:<in a very sweet, and innocent voice> watcha doing Rei
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >
<LIBRARY>
HIKARY: SATAN I COMAND YOU!!!!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>
<CLASSROOM>
Shinji needed to use the bathroom so he slowly raised his hand
TEACHER: yes Ikari
SHINJI: may I use the bathroom
Normally the Teacher wouldn't let anyone go during class but he was fond of Shinji "such a nice politer young man" he always said.
TEACHER: yes you may Shinji
SHINJI: thank you
Shinji takes the pass and walks out the door into the hall to see Rei pressed against the wall and Asuka is standing in front of her
ASUKA: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
Shinji seeing this goes up to them
SHINJI: hey Asuka the teacher needs you
ASUKA: oh Shinchan
Asuka walks over to Shinji kisses him on the cheek and runs back to class. Shinji notices Rei pressed against the wall
SHINJI: Rei what are you doing
REI: I do not understand it worked for them
SHINJI: why were you up against the wall
REI: I was trying to hide from her
SHINJI: Asuka
REI: yes
SHINJI: but you're out in the open
REI: remember when we saw that show on the Discovery channel
SHINJI: uh the one on the chameleons
REI: yes and guess what
SHINJI: what?
REI: IT DOASN'T WORK!!!
Rei walks back calmly to class. Leaving Shinji standing alone in the hall
SHINJI: I gotta take a piss
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<& lt;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;>
<LIBRARY>
HIKARY: I offer the blood of a virgin to you
LIBRARIAN: <still gagged> ei ot a igen
HIKARY: what
LIBRARIAN: I a ot a igen
HIKARY: you're not a virgin?
LIBRARIEN: orry
HIKARY: a crappy poo
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >

<CLASS>
Shinji is back and is chatting with Kensuke and Touji
<G.I Joe: Asuka is acting weird
<Dumb Jock: ooh genies boy figured it out
<Shy guy: yea she's not being how can I say it
<G.I Joe: an asshole

<Shy Guy: well… yea
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Lunch time
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<LUNCH>
the three stooges are eating together under a tree that's about it
TOUJI: I swear if she asks me if she's fat I'm dropping out of school
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>
<LIBRARY>
Hikary and the librarian are sitting around in the library
LIBRARIAN: we need a virgin
HIKARY: but where can we find one
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >
<LUNCH>
Asuka is skipping around looking for Hikary so they can have lunch together
ASUKA: where could Hikary be
Asuka comes across the three stooges (why do I call them that well I'm to lazy to type Shinji, Kensuke, and Touji but look at that I already typed a lot… crap)
ASUKA: Hi Touji!!!
TOUJI: uh…hi
ASUKA: hey do you think I'm fat
TOUJI: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Touji runs to the office to drop out of school forever.
ASUKA: what's up with him guys… um guys
Asuka looks around to see no one is around
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>
<LIBRARY>
Hikary are in the library and have a pantograph on the floor with a green haird girl in the middle of it.
HIKARY: leaves the body of Asuka incubus
(A/N: whatever tomorrow brings ill be there)
GIRL: uck ou
HIKARY: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>
<LUNCH>
Asuka is well um you know what I'm out of jokes and out of plot better make the lunch bell ring
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ASUKA: lunch is over lets got to go to class weeeeeeeeeee
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<& lt;<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;>>>
<LIBRARY>
HIKARY: OH SHIT could you finish this
LIBRARIEN: yea sure whatever
HIKARY: thanks
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>&g t;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>
<CLASS>
Class was normal the rest of the day
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< ;<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<&l t;<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >
The next day Shinji wakes up and goes into Asuka's room. Asuka is dressing for school when she feels something around her waist she looks down to see Shinji's arms around her
ASUKA:… WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE
SHINJI: I thought you aaah Asuka put that down no wait
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fin