Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Chronicles Of The Meh ❯ Chapter 2: A Poking & Prodding We Go ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I own neither Neon Genesis Evangelion nor Yebisu (such a travesty). I do own myself… unless Gainax went behind my back again and bought my name (and I liked the name Jimmy Hoffa SO much). Well, that about does it.

Author's Note: Sorry about the extra days' wait. School kicked my ass and work kills me half the time, back to business. If you find anything wrong with this fic let me know in a review. Hope you enjoy my sad attempt at humor and maybe a lil bit o' drama…Meh.

Chronicles of the OOC

Chapter 2: A Poking & Prodding We Go

Rated: M for wirty dords and sexual references and/or suggestions.

Location in Eva-verse: After the 12th Angel, before the 13th

“FGSFDS!” Speech

`OMGWTFCAKE!' Thought

-WTF HAXXORZ!11ONE- Phone/Intercom/Com Link Speech

STFUNOOB! Me

:RAFSHAFADDUHTECHNOLOGA: Letter/Note/Whatever

Still Monday - Current Time: 1:00p.m. and slightly Cloudy.

(In other words about an hour from the end of Chapter 1 12:00 noon)

“Are we done yet Dr. Akagi?” Shinji whined from the other side of the changing curtain.

“Almost, we just need to see if you can still sync with Unit 01.”

“Oh goodie…” he mumbled.

After hearing this Dr. Akagi started wondering if Shinji could be as bad as Asuka when she got angry. She let the idea settle for a full second after considering his apparent growth of a pair and hit her speed dial for Section 2 to update them. During her 2 minute listing of new precautions and sedatives to order she thought she heard someone in the back ground.

“Dr. Akagi.”

Still talking.

“Dr. Akagi.”

Nothing.

“Dr. Akagi! Pay fucking attention to your damn job!”

“Sorry Commander Ikari!” she replied as a reflex.

“What did you just call me Doctor?”

“Uh…sorry…someone usually has to yell or something to get my attention when I'm on the phone; only damn thing still left from when I was a teenager.”

“Oooook …whatever. Can we finish up now?”

“Sure. Get changed and meet me in Unit 01's cage.”

“Sure, I'll be there in a few minutes.”

“Take your time Shinji.” Dr. Akagi added.

Shinji just grunted an affirmation before walking through the door and to the pilots' locker rooms. A few minutes later he arrived in Unit 01's cage. As he walked in he stared at the face of his giant biomechanical monster that contained the soul of his dead mother that will later be used in third impact… Sorry about that, Scar Queen's punch to the base of my skull just reminded me, Shinji doesn't know that, yet.

“Now, if you'll just hop in the entry plug we can begin the test.” Dr. Akagi said in way of a convenient trap door for the author.

Thanks.

“Stop breaching the fucking fourth wall already!”

Oh…sorry. It won't happen again. Carry on.

“That's better. Now, where were we Shinji?”

“Dr. what the fuck was that? Who were you talking to and what in god's name is the `fourth wall'?”

I can fix this!

“Oh my god! I'm hearing voices now too!”

Oh Jesus Christ… Hold him down and I'll wipe his memory. Oh shit…I'll have to wipe everyone else's memory here. Damn it! Reset!

And it was if I hadn't fucked up.

“Now, if you'll just hop in the entry plug we can begin the test.”

“Wow. I'm getting some weird sense of déjà vu.” Shinji suddenly tripped and hit his head conveniently killing all the brain cells that had knowledge of déjà vu. Lucky no?

“That's weird. Anyway, I'll be on the bridge so let us know when you're ready.”

Picking himself up Shinji muttered an ok and entered the entry plug. Well, that was redundant.

Shinji started to think about what it would be like when he got home and if Hurricane Asuka would go back into full swing as the techs started calling out the activation steps.

“Just relax and concentrate Shinji; we'll be done before you know it.” Maya said when she saw the bored look on Shinji's face which she mistook for exhaustion.

Shinji just nodded and looked at his screen that showed the command deck. That was when he noticed his Father, Rei, and the Sub-Commander watching his test.

`That's weird, Rei's watching my test. She doesn't even care so…wait! Why is father watching this test? Usually Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki monitors these kin of things.'

As if hearing what his soon was thinking the Douche of the Universeâ„¢ winner for the past decade stood up and walked to his Elevator O' Doomâ„¢, followed by Rei, and descended into hell, er, wherever it is he descends to.

After his father's departure Shinji quietly closed his eyes and concentrated on his 40 story biomechanical beast of the apocalypse for the next hour.

“You're all done now, Shinji, and congratulations! Your sync ratio has hit an all-time high.” Dr, Akagi announced.

“Uh…thanks I guess.” He replied in his new `uh, ok but I don't care voice'.

“You can go get changed now; we're done for the day so you can go home.”

“Okay. See you around then.” He replies before heading off for the showers and then home.

(Current time: 1:15p.m. and it's still slightly cloudy)

During Shinji's test, At the Ikari-Katsuragi-Sohryu Residence…

Misato lazily walks out of her room before noticing Asuka staring at Shinji's bedroom door.

`What the fuck is goin' on here?'

She walked over to Asuka and waved in front of her eyes.

Nothing.

She then started to poke Asuka in the arm knowing how pissed off it would make her.

Still nothing.

`Fuckin hell! What is wrong with her?'

Remembering she thought better with a little beer in her system she headed for the fridge. Opening the fridge she sees a note from Shinji so she grabs it and a six-pack before heading back to the living room.

:Misato

Told Asuka off this morning and appears she has gone for a vacation. If she isn't back yet I suggest telling her you're pregnant with Kaji's love child or something like that. Remember to act like you just got off the phone too.

See you this evening,

Shinji

After reading the note and then rereading the note she chuckles as she opens her sixth beer. After downing her last beer she uses her cell phone to call the house phone and answers it.

-Hello?-

-Oh, it's just you Kaji.-

-You found what?-

-I read it wrong!-

-I'm WHAT!-

-You gotta be fucking kidding me; I can't be pregnant!-

At this Misato noticed Asuka's left eye starting to twitch before she blinked several times in rapid succession before turning to stare at Misato.

“What did you just say?” she growled.

-Gotta go Kaji, bye. - Misato said before quickly hanging up.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Asuka repeated looking like she would tear Misato's head from her shoulders.

“It was just a joke to get you to snap out of it! It was all Shinji's idea! I swear it!” Misato answered as she threw the note at the slowly advancing Asuka.

“This better not be a distraction to sneak away.”

Misato was dumbstruck. `She hit the nail on the head. Damn.'

After quickly reading through the note Asuka slowly crumpled up the note until it was the size of a pea before throwing it onto the kitchen table where she had cornered Misato.

“I'm gonna beat his emo ass for this!”

“Now Asuka, I don't think you will.”

“And why is that?”

“One, we need him to pilot. And B, he can cook and clean.”

“So?”

“Are you going to do either of those?”

“Of course not, that's what Shinji's f…”

“Exactly my point.”

“Oh.”

“I'm hungry, you?”

“Yea. Let's get take out.”

“Sure.”

After the two left Gendo pressed a button on his desk shutting off the live feed from his son's home. `I can use this to my advantage. The scenario's success is assured. '

TO BE CONTINUED.

Post-Crap Rant:

Sorry about this being shorter, I felt Rei's conversation with Gendo should be saved for Chapter 3 as well as her and Shinji conversing. Review. Flamers will be sent to hell. Peace.