Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Dreaming of Nightmares MST ❯ Dreaming of Nightmares MST ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the property of Best Brains Inc. Neon Genesis Evangelion is the property of Gainax. Ah! My Goddess is the property of Kosuke Fujishima. The original fic "Dreaming of Nightmares" is the property of Echo, who has practically given me permission to MST this. With all that said, on with the MST!

Dreaming of Nightmares MST

MST # 9

In the not too distant future.

Somewhere in time and space.

Mike Nelson and his robot pals

Are caught in an endless chase.

Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl.

Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world.

She put a few things in her purse

And in her rocket ship she hunts them all across the univer-erse!

"I'll GET YOU!!!!"

"I'll send them cheesy web posts.

The worst, I can find. (lalala)

He'll have to sit and read them all

While I monitor his mind."(lalala)

Now keep in mind Mike can't control

Where the postings begin or end. (lalala)

He'll try to keep his sanity

With the help of his robot friends.

>>>Robot Roll Call<<<

CAMBOT! (You're on!)

GYPSY! (Oh my stars!)
TOM SERVO! (Check me out!)
CROOOOW! (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,

And other science facts. (lalala)

Then repeat to yourself it's just a post,

You should really just relax! For…

Mystery Science theater 3000………………

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

S.O.L.

Mike, Tom, Crow, and Asuka were cleaning up the satellite after that fiasco with the strange crossovers. It was because of that fiasco why Asuka wasn't able to return to her world yet.

While they were cleaning, the mad lights flashed. Asuka quickly answered it.

"Yes? Yes?" she asked impatiently.

CASTLE FORRESTER

Bobo and Observer can be seen in the background cleaning up the mess that the crossovers had caused as well. Pearl can be seen sitting on a recliner, watching the whole event take place.

"Put your backs into it!" she shouted to her assistants. "We need this done fast!" then she brought her attention to the camera. "Oh hello, little one. How fares the field trip on the satellite?"

S.O.L.

"Well, I can't complain much." Asuka answered. "Mike and Gypsy are pretty nice to me, but Crow and Tom keep asking me hard questions."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Ah, I see. I would ask you to elaborate, but it looks like I've run out of caring time."

S.O.L.

Asuka frowned. "You were the one that asked!"

CASTLE FORRESTER

Pearl chuckled at this. "Yeah, aren't I evil?" Then she brought out a roll of film. "Oh, and speaking of evil, tell Nelldrill that this experiment is yet `another' horrible fic called "Dreaming of Nightmares." It's an Evangelion/Oh my goddess crossover, so it'll most likely make you `dream of nightmares.'" She laughed at her own joke, while Asuka just groaned. "Well, I better have it sent." Then she turned to Observer. "Brain guy! Send this over!"

While grumbling, he did so. After that, Pearl ended transmission.

S.O.L.

Seconds later, the sirens went off.

"We got fic sign!" shouted Mike.

And so the group rushed to the theater.

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

*The group had taken their seats, with Tom on the far left, Mike next to him, Crow next to Mike, and Asuka on the far right.*

CROW: *to Asuka* Why did you decide to change seats?

ASUKA: This is going to be a crossover, so I want to be next to the person that irritates me the most.

CROW: Oh come on! All I asked was whether or not you wore underwear under your jumpsuit.

MIKE: Shh! It's starting.

>In the far reaches of the Otaku universe...well, okay. maybe not THAT far out but a couple of light years out past Anime Station >#15

MIKE: So, anyone ever heard of this place?

ALL: *shake their heads*

>you will find the glorified rust bucket called Listening Station #17 and here we find our author, Echo, living in his very

>luxurious 10' by 15' quarters.

ASUKA: Something tells me this is a bad thing.

TOM: Yeah. I'd say when a fic starts mentioning an author living a luxurious and/or powerful lifestyle; you have plenty to worry about.

>Okay, this is my first fan fiction so go easy on me.

MIKE: We'll try, but we're not responsible for what comes out of our mouths if this gets too stupid.

>Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own any of the yada, yada of NGE or OMG, this is for fun and it's pointless to sue me

>because I have nothing. Just so you know I'm not a Lemon writer but my battles can get graphic.

MIKE: It's fine by us… unless you write a scene of someone getting their leg torn off and getting beat with it.

CROW: Or shooting someone in the head with a shotgun repeatedly.

TOM: Or putting unnamed body parts inside toasters.

ASUKA: O_O! Where the hell did you guys see that stuff?!

MIKE: You don't want to know.

>Okay two final things before you get started: 1. This takes place after the 14th angel and after the 400% ratio event.

TOM: Sure, things can't go over 100%, but that's just my opinion.

> 2: In this

>dimension Kaji has not been given his last assignment yet. The cast is the same but I might not be exact on how some characters

>should act,

ASUKA: Keeping them In Character would be nice…

>Gendo's still a cold father (I'm in the Gendo's not a total bastard party),

CROW: Yeah, he's a pretty nice guy once you look past his previous acts of ill parenting and treachery to his species.

> Shinji still has no backbone,

ASUKA: No kidding.

>and the rest is pretty much the same.

MIKE: As long as you ignore the crossover.

>Beware there are A LOT of spoilers!

>So strap yourselves in for there WILL be collisions on this trip. Bwahahaha!

ASUKA: Is it a bad thing when the author laughs maniacally?

MIKE: Only if it's a crossover or lemon.

>Dreaming of Nightmares

TOM: The oxymoron of the century!

>It was Sunday night. As always Adia Kensuke got mildly depressed on Sunday. All he had to look forward to was

>another week of school listening to sensei drone on endlessly. The only excitement he got was when an Angel attacked, but

>even then he was forced inside a shelter away from the action. At least he got to know the pilots...well, sorta,

MIKE: He pretty much watched them from a distance.

>Shinji hated to talk about the Evangelions,

CROW: And instead talked about beer drinking contests with Misato.

>Toji only piloted once and as a result ended up in the hospital,

CROW: (as Toji) I `knew' it was a bad idea to toss aside the instruction manual!

>Rei hardly talked, and Asuka...was Asuka.

ASUKA: And this means…

>With his parents out at a company party Adia popped in the VCR the one thing that could cheer him up at least a little.

TOM: Hardcore porn!

>The EVA battles he had recorded.

TOM: Oh.

CROW: Wimp.

>Within minutes he was directing all three pilots what do like a seasoned army general.

MIKE: (as Kensuke) Okay, now Shinji is `salt,' Rei is `pepper', and Asuka is `paprika.' The NERV's are the delicate dishes that `must' be flavored! I will impress the world with my amazing culinary skills!

>"Shinji don't show your intent for the core!" he yelled

MIKE: (as Kensuke) You're salt! Use your cholesterol attack!!

>"Aim for an arm or other limb on your first blow THEN when you're in close go for the core!"

MIKE: (as Kensuke) Clog up his arteries, and `then' go for the kill!!

>His stomach growled.

MIKE: Playing `Neon Genesis Kitchen' will do that to anyone.

>Pausing the tape he got up and looked in his refrigerator, then his cabinets. *Nah, I'm sick of instant stuff* he thought

>*I'll order a pizza* He walked to the phone and grabbed the receiver and punched in what he thought was the right number.

>"Hello and welcome to the Yddgrasil request line." said a recording over the phone "Please hold as we have one of our

>representative's contact you."

TOM: (as recording) While you wait, would you like to request a side order of tree sap?

>*What the- Oh right they changed their number. I wonder what this is? Maybe they're that new Thai restaurant.

ASUKA: But I thought he was ordering pizza?

MIKE: He was. The number got changed or something. *shrugs* I wasn't really paying attention.

>If they are I hope the deliv-*

>

>Kensuke's thinking was cut short as a loud BANG went off from inside his freezer!

CROW: Those roaches just keep getting smarter and smarter.

>He cautiously went over to it and when he just had his hand on the handle another loud BANG went off this time in the >refrigerator section!

TOM: Aaaahh!! Take cover! Roaches are taking over the refrigerator!

> Adia flung to two doors open to find to women inside.

CROW: Okay, so he flung to the two doors open to find to the women inside?

TOM: No-no. He flung two doors too open to find too many women inside.

ASUKA: Huh? You guys are just confusing me further!

> The one in the refrigerator was tall, had white hair and was decked out in the oddest assortment of clothes and jewelry. The girl >in the freezer was considerably younger than the one below, she had black hair and was carrying a rather strange looking mallet >on her back.

MIKE: So Adia stuffed two women inside his refrigerator?

ASUKA: O_O! I-I guess so.

TOM: Adia `is' Hannibal Lecter!

> She was also pigging out on the ice cream inside!

CROW: And they were still alive?!

ASUKA: I'll never look at Adia the same way ever again!

> The two girls jumped out saw each other and began to scream at each other.

>"Skuld! What are you doing here!" yelled the white haired one "I though his holiness made it clear that I was doing the jobs >while Belldandy and Keichi were doing that car show with the club in Osaka!"

TOM: But I thought Belldandy's only job was Keiichi.

CROW: Yeah. *snickers* I also thought that was her only `job.'

MIKE: Alright, Crow. Don't press the issue.

>"Nuh uh!" the one named Skuld said "You're a bad liar Urd! He said that SOMEONE had to do this while she was >away. Besides you always get the fun stuff, I want a turn too!"

>"Uh...excuse me?" Kensuke said.

MIKE: (as Kensuke) Um, how did you get inside my fridge?

ASUKA: Or out of it?

>"We're sorry sir" the one named Urd said

CROW: I can see this fics going in a healthy direction, the one named Crow said.

TOM: And with complete sarcasm to boot, the one named Tom said.

> "I will be right with you as soon as I can sort this out with my sister."

>The two strange women both had strange markings on their faces that seemed to ring a bell in Kensuke's memory.

CROW: (as Kensuke) They're Indian! So that's why they're so flexible!

MIKE: Crow! There could be Indian readers here!

> *Didn't I see that in one of Grandpa's old books?*

CROW: (as Kensuke) I think it was called "Kama Sutra."

>He went into his family library and got out some of his grandfather's old books.

TOM: (as Kensuke) Let's see……Playboy, Hustler, Swank….yep! They're all here!

> Kensuke's grandfather was always big into myths and legends. After five minutes Kensuke looked up from the book he was >reading with a big devious smile on his face. He strolled back to the two girls who were still arguing.

CROW: (as Kensuke) Hey, girls. Anyone wanna try the wheel barrel?

>"You did the last one though Urd!"

>"Sure but that was fifty years ago!"

ASUKA: O_O! I can't help but think you guys might be right about that sex book idea.

>BEEEP! The phone rang and Kensuke picked it up.

ASUKA: (as Urd) That was the car horn, you idiot!

>"Hello? Oh yes they're right here! It's for you to, I think it's your boss and he's not happy."

MIKE: So the guy gets to talk to the man upstairs and he just throws it away?

CROW: I guess so.

TOM: (as Kensuke) I'm an atheist, so you don't exist! There has to be a logical explanation as to how two women were able to fit in and out of my refrigerator and still be in one piece!

>The two goddesses lunged for the phone. "Yes your holiness?" they both said.

TOM: Or God. Or Odin; whichever your preference.

>"If your missions in life are to give me headaches then stop trying you've already succeeded! Now just give him a wish and if >you must argue then give him a minor one for a rain check! CLICK!"

CROW: God's under a lot of stress, isn't he?

ASUKA: *shrugs* Well, when you have to deal with idiots like these, you can't really blame him.

>"Now down to business shall we?" said Kensuke "Which one is the elder goddess?"

ASUKA: One is in her twenties, and the other one is twelve. What do `you' think?!

>Urd raised her hand.

>"Good. Skuld was it?

TOM: (as Urd) I'm Urd, stupid!

> I'll take the rain check from you. Now Miss Urd I assume you are aware of the situation this current time is in?"

CROW: (as Skuld) Sure do! Only one thing; "I'M SKULD, YOU MORON!!!"

>"Yes...your friends are trying to save the world from the *snicker* `Angels' and you feel helpless"

>"Good....why did you snicker when you said Angel?"

ASUKA: (as Urd) Because your fly is open.

> "She's not allowed to tell you what they really are!" piped up Skuld.

CROW: So Skuld quickly shut up? How did she say that, then?

MIKE: Now-now, Crow. Let's give her some credit. We wouldn't want the continuity to get more screwed up than it already is.

> "Ah well no use pushing that any further. Anyway let me think for a sec...okay

ASUKA: More like three seconds.

> I wish that I could help my friends Shinji, Rei, and Asuka while piloting my own unique evangelion."

ASUKA: That's a pretty big wish, especially considering that only "Shinji" is your friend!

> Urd's markings began to glow. There was a thunderclap outside and a ethrealic wind swept through Adia's apartment.

> "Granted. The effects should start tomorrow."

MIKE: (as Urd) And if you should die when piloting your first and only EVA, just remember; you didn't wish for piloting skills.

> "Here's my end of the deal," said Skuld giving Kensuke a slip of paper with what seemed to be wires running through >it. "Write your request on that and it will be granted. One use only!"

CROW: Hey, Mike. Imagine if he dropped it in water.

> "Thank you two and have wonderful evenings!"

> "I wonder in a week Kensuke if you'll be thanking us in your mind."

ASUKA: `Cause they'll sure be kicking themselves in theirs.

> And with that the two Goddesses disappeared.

>/////////////

TOM: Well that's the worst form of binary I've ever seen!

>Gendo Ikari and Futuzuki stood in central dogma listening to a woman in a white business suit make her sales pitch.

> "As you can see the Eva Tokyo 3 Tactical unit will reduce costs not only to repair damages to the city but will possibly >prevent damages from occurring to the EVA units."

ASUKA: But I thought they `found' our EVA's.

MIKE: *shrugs* Used EVA garage sale?

> "Well...the proposal certainly is interesting." said Ikari "But I will have to converse with the board of directors before >we can give you and answer"

MIKE: (as Ikari) After all, I'm thrice your age.

> The stranger nodded got up and silently left the room.

> "You have no plans on seeing the council do you?" asked Futuzuki.

> "Of course not. The old men would never agree to this. Which is a shame as this is a brilliant plan. Tell me does the >Marduke report show anyone suitable to pilot this thing?"

CROW: Here it comes……

> "Actually there is someone," mumbled Futuzuki lying down a small thin folder on the table, "The 17th child selected >by the report. It's almost funny,

ASUKA: Yeah, considering that there were only "4" children.

> he was slated to basically never be a pilot.

ASUKA: That was a pretty smart computer, then.

> However considering his...talents and the new EVA model's uses...he's absolutely perfect."

ASUKA: *gaping* Tell me this isn't happening.

MIKE: Welcome to the world of obscure fanfiction.

> Gendo chuckled "Yes, it's fitting that young Mr. Kensuke is so appropriate. I wonder how Shinji and the other pilots >will take the news."

TOM: Let's see…Shinji will groan, Rei will commit homicide, and Asuka *looks at her shaking her head in frustration* will try to figure out why this event wasn't written more believably.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Construction of the T3T unit as it came to be known went fast. It wasn't surprising considering the simplicity of the >basic design.

CROW: Yeah. Good EVA's are so easy to build.

> "You know if it weren't for the shape this would look a lot like the fourth angel." Misato said to Ritsuko as they >oversaw the construction.

>"Mmmph." grumbled Ritsuko.

> "Okay I know that sound," Misato said, "What's bothering you know?"

ASUKA: (as Ritsuko) Well, aside from the fact that the computer must be malfunctioning, and that this EVA isn't original in design, and the fact that we're letting a bunch of 14 year olds fight our battles for us, nothing is wrong!

CROW: Good one, Asuka. Where did you get that idea?

ASUKA: I heard Misato say it once.

> "I don't know, that's exactly it," Ritsuko half-said to Misato and herself. "Am I the only one who feels a sort >of...wrongness from this thing? Like it was just pasted into existence."

TOM: Hey, look! Ritsuko's trying to tell us something.

> "I thought I was the only one..." Misato mumbled. The two were quiet now just staring at the new EVA being built, a >large blue sphere.

TOM: (as Misato) One day, we'll be out of this fic!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> "WHAAAT! ARE YOU SAYING WE HAVE TO WORK WITH ANOTHER EVA!" Screamed Asuka.

ASUKA: Well at least my fic self is aware of the stupidity of this.

> The three pilots were in Misato's apartment getting briefed on the new situation. Rei and Shinji were just sitting there >quietly, Rei was her usual demeanor and Shinji was in a pure state of shock. *How* he thought *How could my father even >think of doing this when two months ago Toji was almost killed!*

MIKE: Then he remembered who his father was, and just went about his business.

> Asuka was, as usual, a little more vocal with her thoughts.

ASUKA: Is this fic insulting me?! *to the bots* In more ways than one?!

> "Who is piloting Unit-5?" the quiet voice of Rei rang out.

TOM: But then how were they able to go through 17 children?

ASUKA: *shrugs*

>"Actually the new unit is NOT unit 5 but something called the Tokyo 3 Tactical Unit or T3T as for the pilot I invited him over >for lunch. So he should be here any moment now."

TOM: (as Shinji) Is he bringing over commas for your sentences?

>"So what does this T3T do exactly?' asked Shinji.

> "That's a question that I wouldn't mind being answered myself."

> "You mean we're getting a new unit and you don't even know what it does?!" screeched Asuka.

*>DingDingDong* The door bell chimed.

CROW: *to Mike* Do all doorbells go "dingingdong?"

MIKE: *shrugs* My uncles doorbell sang "la cucaracha."

>Shinji got up and opened the door, Kensuke was there smiling.

> "Oh hi Adia," said Shinji "You sort of came at a bad time, we're waiting for the new EVA pilot to arrive."

> "Yeah I know."

> "Great so you won't mind coming back later-" Shinji stopped mid-sentence as the realization finally hit him.

CROW: And 3, 2, 1……

> "WHAT! YOU MEAN THAT HE'S THE NEW PILOT!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I DON'T >BELIVE THIS!" Asuka screamed. She then stomped off to her room and slammed the door.

CROW: (as Kensuke) What? I know it sounds far fetched and illogical, but it's true I tellz ya!

> "Is lunch almost ready?" Rei quietly said.

TOM: *chuckles* That Rei. Always thinking with her stomach.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> "Ikari has gone mad!" screamed Keehl "This new...abomination has absolutely no precedent!"

MIKE: Wow. There are a lot more Kensuke haters than I imagined.

> "True," said Mr. Yellow

BOTS: Ppht!

> "I think that this absolutely shows that Ikari is not suitable to hold his position."

> "By the way gentlemen," Mr. Blue said

TOM: (as Mr. Blue) Are we color coordinated yet?

> "Do any of you feel that it's odd that a blank company suddenly appears and gives Ikari these plans? Green what have you >found out about Belldandy, Urd and Skuld Electronics Incorporated?"

CROW: (as Mr. Green) I don't know, sir. Mr. Fuchsia has all my paperwork.

> "Absolutely nothing, they no longer exist.

MIKE: So they existed before?

> And what's more I find no record of them either before this. It's as if they just appeared to give Ikari the plans for the T3T and >the disappeared off the face of the earth!"

> "What do you mean `disappeared'?" Keehl asked.

> "Exactly that, I'm fairly concerned about this. The scrolls say absolutely nothing about this." said Green.

BOTS: *humming the Twilight Zone theme*

> "Not entirely true gentlemen," said Mr. Red

ALL: *snickering*

CROW: Are these really the Power Rangers or something?

> "Part of the scrolls we've still been unable to translate does give a small hint, the few parts we can figure out detail three beings >one of light, one of repentant darkness, and one of the future dawn."

>Keehl began to get interested. "And what do the scrolls say about them Red?"

> "There is one sentence we can't seem to translate after that but other than that nothing more."

MIKE: (as Mr. Red) All I could make out was "It's morphing time!"

> "Very well we shall let this continue and see where it does lead then we shall act. Meeting adjourned."

CROW: And with that, they went off to fight in their robotic dinosaurs.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> "YOU TWO ARE THE MOST INCOMPITENT, IDIOTIC, IMBICLES THERE ARE!" his almighty screamed trough >the phone to the two goddesses.

TOM: God was so angry at them, that he forgot to spell-check.

> "But you said that-" Urd tried to say.

> "Do you know what I've had to DO?! CHANGE THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS FOR ONE! And do you WANT me to >go into the LONG list of broken destinies you have caused?"

MIKE: (as Urd) I'd like to use my free will option and decline that offer.

> "OKAY! OKAY! We screwed up." Urd said.

> "Wadda mean WE kemosabe?" Skuld mumbled.

TOM: Kemo what?

CROW: Kemotherapy.

TOM: So they now have cancer?

ASUKA: *shaking her head in frustration*

> "Well now the damage is done. So this is your punishment. You screwed up the time and destiny flow so YOU have to >go and make sure a paradox doesn't destroy that era."

>"But-but-but" Urd and Skuld stammered.

> "NO BUTS! YOU LEAVE TOMORROW!!" CLICK. the line went dead.

> "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" the two goddesses screamed at each other.

BOTS: *pointing at the reader* NO, THIS IS ALL "YOUR" FAULT!!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Kaji stood in a phone booth five miles out of Tokyo 3. In his hand he held a red assignment card. He had just left >Misato his messages, hopefully one of them would reach her.

> "You love her don't you?" said a female voice behind him.

>"And you are?" Kaji asked without turning around.

> "People call me Belldandy." the woman said.

MIKE: And she's here because……

> Kaji still didn't turn around. "The goddess of legend or one of the three executives in that new corporation?"

CROW: Well let's see…..the goddess of legend is actually called "Verthandy," so I'm going to go with that new corporation as my answer.

> The voice was silent for a few seconds. "If I answer your question you answer mine alright?"

> "Fine you answer mine first."

> "Yes."

MIKE: I didn't know Bell was into trick answers.

> "Hmmh. And your question?"

> "What are the names of the other two executives?"

TOM: Um…shouldn't she know that already?

> "Urd and Skuld I believe. Also goddesses from the old legends?"

> "You are very well read sir, you are correct. Now to why I contacted you. I want you to NOT kidnap OR rescue

>Futuzuki."

> "That's not an option. I want to find what the truth is and I've been ordered to."

> "A nameless thug can always replace you and a folder with the information you want is on your desk now, that is if you >throw the card over your shoulder."

CROW: So……anybody understand what just went on?

> "Done." He threw the card away and walked to his car. "Damn I want a drink."

MIKE: (as Kaji in hillbilly voice) Throwin' things over my shoulder always gives me a hankerin' for some alceehol!

ASUKA: Don't we get a break now?

PEARL: *intercom* Sorry, but this experiment is several weeks late. I have to make up for lost time.

ASUKA: Dammit!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

TOM: *to Mike* How do you suppose the author makes those slashes reversed?

MIKE: *shrugs* Dyslexic typewriter?

> "Ready Adia?" Misato yelled up to the young man in a green plug suit.

MIKE: So his EVA's a wad of mucus?

> Kensuke fidgeted uncomfortably, this was basically because his plug suit was NOTHING like the others.

CROW: In case no one noticed, this one had "plugs."

> First off, instead of gloves, his hands went into two dark green spheres that felt like they were full of needles. Another thing >was that an attachment on his neck was a needle pumping in some kind of green liquid into his blood stream, it was NOT >pleasant. And finally there was the chair. It turned out he couldn't move normally in the T3T. *No real surprise there* he >thought *Considering that it's a giant sphere.*

MIKE: So it was a hamster wheel with needles?

CROW: You know, I'm willing to bet that Urd was thinking of humoring herself at his expense when she made that.

So he had to sit in this chair that actually plugged into a socket in the back of the plug suit. Kensuke chuckled as an old pre-impact movie came back to him where people had to sit in chairs that plugs going into the back of their heads! *A unique EVA you said...* he thought *Hoo boy, this was NOT what I had in mind. But I guess that's what you get for non-specific wishes these days.*

MIKE: He looks like the type of guy to wish for a Voltron suit.

ASUKA: You don't know how right you are, Mike.

> "Ready for the test run?" Ritsuko asked the bridge crew.

> "Ready." said Aroba.

> "Inserting pilot into synapse net."

ASUKA: (as Kensuke) Isn't anyone going to ask if "I'm" ready?!

> The chair with Kensuke began to lower itself into the orb. When he was in the center of the orb the hole he was >lowered trough sealed shut and he was plunged into darkness.

ASUKA: *confused* Huh?

CROW: This sentence reads like a Thinkerfic.

> LCL began to fill the orb, thankfully Shinji warned him about this and he took a huge breath, swallowing a lungfull of the >orange liquid. *Ick. Shinji wasn't kidding when he said this stuff was awful.

CROW: Hey! Pearl said there were no lemon scenes!

> Tastes like my grandfather's cold beet soup.*

CROW: Danger! Danger! Fic is going into extreme filthiness!

MIKE: No, Crow. That's just you.

> "Okay Kensuke," Misato said into the intercom "We're going to start up the connections now you may feel a tingling >sensation through your body."

CROW: *to Mike* Just me, huh?

> "A quiet humming started from deep within the orb. Then suddenly he felt an electrical charge surge through the tube >in his neck. The impulse wracked his body and reached the spheres at his hands. It wasn't painful but rather...awkward."

MIKE: *to Crow* I told you it was just you.

TOM: So let me get this straight. Electricity went into his neck and gave him a convulsion, but it didn't hurt?

MIKE: Yep.

TOM: Oh. So how is that possible?

MIKE: Um……electric proof body?

> "Amazing!" Exclaimed Maya looking at the chart, "His synch ratio is 52%! That's higher than Shinji's was!"

CROW: It was so amazing, that it almost seemed "planned" that way!

> "Tell me again Ikari," Futuzuki asked him, "Why did you move him from the fourth child to the seventeenth?"

TOM: (as Gendo) Because children five through sixteen all died in an……unfortunate accident.

> "Does the general of the army fight along side his soldiers?" Gendo mumbled back.

CROW: Wow. Gendo sure did a great job at answering her question with an irrelevant one.

> "Synapse connection complete and- WHAT THE HELL!"

CROW: (as Ritsuko) Stop doing that, Adia!

> Ritsuko screamed as the lights suddenly started to explode in a shower of sparks.

> Suddenly three computer monitors exploded in a surge of electricity. Then the emergency lights came on and on a >small monitor that was still intact the words: `WOW WHAT A RUSH!' appeared.

> "Adia?" Misato said in a stunned looking both at the T3T and the screen.

TOM: I'm sensing some serious copyright issues here.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Belldandy was screaming at her sisters. She was also using a large hammer to emphasize every word she said. "THIS! >IS! ALL! YOUR! FAULT! YOU! RUNINED! MY! HOLIDAY! WITH! KEICHII! WHAT! ON! EARTH! WERE! YOU! >TWO! THINKING! BONEHEADS!"

MIKE: Bells has never been the same since her night out with ALFA.

TOM: *to Mike* Don't ever mention that name again, Mike! It's just as evil as mentioning Oscar!

CROW: Well, maybe not "as" evil.

> "Ow...." was the only reply they had.

> "Okay..." she took a deep calming breath. "Let's look at this one piece at a time.

TOM: (as Belldandy) It's going to take hours to pick up all these brain fragments!

>1. The kid's destiny has not only been >changed but 2. You gave him and NERV plans for a man and machine merger. 3. You >didn't tie up your loose ends so now >SELEE is looking for us. 4. I had to alter the timestream by keeping Mr. Kaji alive so he >can help us."

ASUKA: (as Urd) It's really not as bad as you're putting it.

CROW: At least not enough to turn their brains into Jello.

> "Huh? How can that slob help us?" Skuld asked.

> "Simple, he's one of the few people here who doesn't lie to himself. And since he will die once we restore the >timestream we can reveal any information to him with no further complications."

ASUKA: Wow…sucks to be Kaji.

MIKE: I guess this is his reward for being honest.

> "Okay so we have an ally, now would you please tell me what we have to do?' asked Urd.

> "It's actually simple, we get him to use Skuld's rain check to cancel out the wish Urd gave him. Then we can go home >so the boss and I can deal with you APPROPRIATELY!"

> The two goddesses winced.

CROW: First God, and now Belldandy. Who's going to mysteriously OOC next?

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>Keehl was alone in the holo-conference room.

TOM: Never mind the fact that he "Keeled" over. *laughs*

EVERYONE ELSE: *groans*

> He was experiencing something that he hadn't felt in eons. Something that he thought his machine body wouldn't be >capable of doing.

CROW: He was experiencing robot puberty.

> It was that feeling he felt the minute after he showed his contempt for that ...charlatan, so many centuries ago. It was >fear. For once in his tortured existence he did what was going to happen next. He had no backup plan, hell he didn't even have >a plan for this scenario to begin with.

MIKE: So he had nothing to work with, yet he already knew what to do?

ASUKA: Does anyone know what's going on?

> He had read the scrolls before thousands of times. Hell, he'd been there when the fools wrote those damn things. >There was no mention of three new beings. But right there on the original text, there it was. Fear, how does humanity stand it?

TOM: In fear of shorting out, I'm going to refrain from trying to figure out what's going on.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>Kensuke looked around the control center.

TOM: He wondered why everyone was pointing and laughing at him.

> There was every one just looking at the sphere but they were all motionless like statues. *HOLD ON A SEC! Wasn't >I just IN the sphere? And what happened to everybody?*

>Maybe if I sit down this will make sense. He sat down in one of the chairs and titled it back just when he realized that Maya was >also sitting in the chair! Adia leaped up when he noticed that he passed through her as if she was a hologram.

CROW: So Adia's on some serious hallucinogen?

> Then he noticed that Ritsuko's hand had moved a little. *Oh I get it now. I moving at a faster speed compared to everyone else >that they look like they're almost not moving. Also I can effect mechanical devices but not living beings. Okay this is usable.*

CROW: Ohhh…….huh?

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>Maya screamed as her chair suddenly bucked up and down. Ritsuko was trying to think what had caused these mechanical >malfunctions when over the loud speakers Kensuke's voice rang out.

> "Sorry Maya didn't mean to startle you. Dr. Ritsuko I've figured out what this thing can do!"

> "WELL WOULD YOU MIND TELLING US!?" screamed Misato.

ASUKA: And please make sense when doing so!

> It lets me have control over every mechanical system that the sphere is hooked into. Right now I have access to the test >cage and the observations center computers. I would be able to access the magi but I think that the integration with the 11th >angel blocks me off.

TOM: So is it like Raul Julia being "interfaced" in the Overdrawn at the memory bank movie?

MIKE: We never figured out how that happened, Tom.

TOM: Oh yeah.

>*Thank god for that!* thought Ritsuko. *Mother would kill him in an instant*

TOM: Kill him for what?

ASUKE: *to fic* You still haven't explained to us how this is logically possible!!

>"Okay well know we know what it does. I think we've all had enough for today." said Misato.

>"Affirmative Major!" said Kensuke.

TOM: So let me get this straight. His EVA allows him to control everything it's attached to, and it apparently allowed him to make invisible holographic images of himself, but none of the others could see him, but they said he was moving faster than the others, but he's still inside the sphere, but he could see himself outside the sphere……but he was confused……*sparks are flying out of his dome*……but then he knew all the answers……*more sparks*…… but didn't make s..en…se……*head explodes*

ASUKA: O_O! What happened?!

MIKE: *to Asuka* Nothing to worry about. Just an overload of confusion. *begins fixing his dome*

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>Futuzuki was kidnapped the next day. Kaji was nowhere near to be found but evidence showed he bought tickets and flew on a >plane to Chicago in the states to visit his Aunt Rally he was not a suspect.

CROW: Yep. And it's all very possible and safe to travel in a plane when you have aliens to worry about.

> In reality however there were no such tickets, no such flight and no Aunt. Kaji was really in the partially submerged hotel, on >the penthouse far above the water. He was talking to three women who had just told him everything.

CROW: Ah. That makes more sense.

MIKE: *has finished fixing Tom* The goddesses aren't very good liars.

> "So right about now Misato shoots me in the normal timeline? Huh, figures the bastards in Nerv would try something >like that. And the messages I sent Misato will never reach her unless she shoots me? My, aren't I having a lovely day in the >normal timeline."

ASUKA: (as Kaji) It's enough of an incentive to actually "want" to return to it.

> "Enough with the sarcasm smart-ass." Urd said to Kaji.

ASUKA: Well he "does" have a valid reason!

> she turned to Belldandy, "Okay, so what is our plan oh fearless leader?"

TOM: (as Belldandy) Shut your mouth, Urd! Or so help me, you'll be suffering "another" concussion!

> "Well with what Kaji tells me of the headquarters and what Skuld's plans for the so-called T3T...I'd say we just sit >back and wait for Kensuke to unintentionally nearly destroy the world.

ASUKA: *sarcastic* Yeah, that definitely makes sense, and it "really" makes those blows to the head all the worthwhile.

>"WHAT1" screamed Urd and Skuld.

TOM: What2!

MIKE: What3!

CROW: What4!

>"Perfect, I assume then I make my grand entrance as the savoir of time?" Kaji said smiling.

> Belldandy just nodded. "There's just one factor that I'd be worried about."

> "My dear sweet goddess," said Kaji "She should be the very last of your worries."

ASUKA: Are they talking about Misato?

MIKE: Are they talking at all?

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Kensuke's sleep was troubled. It was like that ever since he had first entered the T3T. There was just this strange >feeling like something was wrong. Like his mind worked too slow, like his body reacted too sluggishly. Food tasted like dust to >him, he just spent his free time lying on the bed in his room.

ASUKA: It was like he was inside a machine.

> All the machines on, just so he could feel the energy flowing out of them. He started to understand why Rei never interacted >much with anyone. It just felt strange and improper.

CROW: *chuckles* That Urd and her sadistic jokes. What a card!

> Rei…God what a beautiful creature. She was the best pilot of the EVAs hands down.

CROW: I suppose he thinks he now has a chance with her.

> Asuka just forced her EVA to do what she wanted,

ASUKA: Hey!

> Shinji was never in control of his.

ASUKA: That's true.

> There was no poetry in their piloting.

MIKE: (as Shakespeare) To kill or not to kill? That is the question.

> But Rei…it was like a dance and Tokyo 3 was the stage. But the art was not complete, no, the stage needed lighting, a battle >needs support. And now he could be that support. Tokyo 3 was his stage and battle ground, existing for him to change and >control.

MIKE: I suppose it's safe to assume that Adia is now officially a mental case.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> "Misato I'm worried about Kensuke." Shinji said one night at dinner.

TOM: As opposed to some of the other nights.

> "Yeah! Do you know what I saw the freak do? He was just sitting next to one of the Magi with his ear next to it.

TOM: He was trying to hear the sounds of the ocean.

ASUKA: Is that me talking?

> Ritsuko was screaming at him to move, but he just kept on looking like he was listening to the Magi." Asuka said.

> "Ritsuko told me about it. Is there anything else?"

> "Oh that's not the worst part. Now he's acting like wonder girl all the time. I swear, ONE of them was enough!"

MIKE: Hey! I happen to like Wonder Woman!

ASUKA: I think my fic self was referring to Rei.

MIKE: Oh……you should really change what you say.

> "Has either one of you seen Kaji lately? He's been due back for a week now."

> "No, it's almost as he's been plucked from reality." Said Shinji.

CROW: You know, I hope that wasn't an attempt at a pun. Cause' if it was, Shinji's one sad boy…even more-so.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>The fifteenth angel hovered above the Earth's atmosphere looking like a huge crystal butterfly. It was pretty, if you didn't know >what it was here for. It's mission was basically simple: Disable as many of the abominations called Evangelions as possible.

TOM: So you mean that it "wasn't" here for cookies and milk?

> The same goal was also give to the next angel. If no potential problems were left, the chances that the young one would >complete his task were guaranteed.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> "So is it looking for a place to land or is it going to attack us from up there?" asked Misato evident but deep down she >was worried. Worried about where the hell Kaji was,

TOM: So she could shoot him.

> worried about Asuka's plummeting synch rate,

MIKE: (as Misato) If that EVA goes out of "sync," I'll lose the bet!

> worried about what the T3T was doing to Kensuke.

CROW: Basically, something she didn't "want" to know.

> Basically worried about the future.

ASUKA: And the past. And the present.

> "Asuka," Ritsuko said into the speaker, "Come on out, Rei will be piloting Unit 2."

> *And let wonder girl save the day again? NOT A CHANCE!* "EVA UNIT 2 LAUNCH!"

MIKE: (as Asuka) I'm not letting her lasso get the best of me this time!

> The giant bio-mecha was blasted through the entry lifts. The sound blocking out Ritsuko screaming profanities.

> "Launch the T3T. She'll need the back-up." Misato said calmly.

ASUKA: e_e. It's annoying how they think I need help.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Urd and Skuld were panicking. Running around in the sunken hotel penthouse.

MIKE: Being chased by an angry hammer swinging goddess.

> Belldandy was just in the kitchen writing something.

TOM: (as Belldandy) Let's see….people to kill…..ALFA, Urd, Skuld, Keiichi-er, I mean… Aw screw it! I'm just going to write everyone's names on here!

> Kaji was trying, without luck, to get the ancient television set working.

MIKE: By kicking it while grunting?

> "DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Skuld screamed at Kaji.

> "Yup."

> "SHOULDN'T WE BE DOING SOMETHING?" asked Urd frantically.

MIKE: (as Kaji) Yup.

> "If you two want to be of some help," said Kaji, "Then you could try fixing this damn TV."

> "You know I'm wondering why you two even bother keeping us here." mumbled Urd.

CROW: (as Kaji) Well, you're mainly here to serve as eye candy, while Skuld serves us coffee.

> "That's because we don't trust you not to screw up even more if we're not watching you." Belldandy said.

TOM: So basically to fix this mess, they have to do nothing to fix this mess?

MIKE: Now Tom. You don't want to lose another head.

> "Besides things are going perfectly as planned. Miss Langley should destroy the so-called 15th angel in about four and a half >minutes. So make yourself useful and fix that TV before we all get bored out of our minds."

CROW: Um, this is Belldandy talking, right?

MIKE: Yeah.

CROW: And she's kind of a couch potato?

MIKE: I guess.

CROW: Okay. Just making sure.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> The angel let loose it's attack, a beam of white light. The next moment Asuka could be heard screaming. The Eva >looked as if its head was exploding.

TOM: *to the fic* I know how `that' feels.

CROW: *to Asuka* Boy, you really suck, don't you.

ASUKA: *muttering*

> At least that's what everyone in central control saw. Adia saw, or rather, heard something different.

CROW: He saw it smoking from a pipe, and kindly offering Asuka a sample.

> The light was basically affecting the internal communication system. Adia chuckled grimly as he heard the beautiful gospel >music com from within the EVA.

CROW: Wow! I'll have whatever he's smoking.

> However that wasn't what really interested him. The interesting part was the series of low sub-sonic tones coming from the >beam of light. A wild idea hit Adia,

CROW: (as Adia) I'm gonna have me a puff of that!

MIKE: Alright, Crow. That's enough drug riffs for one day.

> he got the T3T to chart the wavelengths of the tones. When that was done he very carefully generated the exact tonal opposite >sound wave. *Please, please, let this work!*

> Asuka was screaming, the angel was basically peeling away her mental defenses, she couldn't take any more. When >abruptly the music that was affecting her stopped. *What the hell?* She spied the T3T behind her.

TOM: (as Asuka) Another Angel! DIE!!

> *For once I'm glad one of those two stooges was here.

MIKE: So was it Larry, Moe, or Curly?

CROW: Asuka is pretty stupid, isn't she?

ASUKA: Stop making fun of me, or I'll dismantle you!

> Now...where was I? Oh yeah.* Asuka aimed the pallet gun to where the angel was.

CROW: (as Asuka) Sorry, Adia, but I'm stealing the spotlight!

ASUKA: *muttering* Strike two, bot!

> Confusion wracked the Angel's brain. It was firing the psychotropic beam and was getting a direct hit. But there >seemed to be absolutely no effect at all. Then it saw the abomination, the T3T, that abnormality was emitting a sort of signal >that was canceling out the effects of the beam! Trying to stop it the angel fired another beam that was slightly changed as to not >be affected by the signal. It got one good second of full contact when the shots from the pallet gun hit. In it's last few seconds of >existence it realized another effect caused by the signal. Its AT field was no longer up.

> The explosion above was one of the sweetest sounds that Asuka had heard in a long time.

CROW: Right next to the sounds she makes when fantasizing about Shinji.

ASUKA: Strike three! *tackles Crow*

MIKE: *prying off Asuka* Calm down!

TOM: Easy for you to say, Mike! *launches himself at him*

MIKE: *holding him back* Hey! What'd I do?!

TOM: You carried me into this theater to watch this awful fic!

MIKE: Calm down, everyone! See what this fic is making us do? It's turning us against each other.

TOM: *sits back down* You're right, Mike. Sorry about that.

ASUKA: *stops, and then puts Crow's head back on* Sorry about that. I don't know what came over me. *sits back down*

CROW: *sitting back down* It's okay. The last time this happened was when we watched "Space Mutiny" and "The Erotic Torture Chamber."

> *I'll have to tell Adia I owe him one.* She would have to wait a bit, for Kensuke was unconscious, unharmed mentally and >physically, just unconscious. His brain just shut down as a defense when for one second a single word dominated his mind: >Abomination.

ASUKA: Well, at least my fic self is grateful.

TOM: So he just "now" thinks his machine is an abomination? C'mon! Urd and Skuld making it are reasons enough for its abomination!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>Kensuke was asleep in his room. His mind, now more like a machine, was analyzing his fight with the angel. Thousands of >information files streaked past his mind. The buzz of machines was humming in his ears. The sweetest music to him.

MIKE: Idiot or not, you can't help but feel sorry for him.

> A plan formulated in his mind to win the attentions of Rei.

CROW: By rubbing out the competition!

> All he had to do was wait for the next angel attack. Hopefully Shinji and Asuka wouldn't get in the way, it would be very >inconvenient for Adia to have to eliminate them.

ASUKA: Come again?!

CROW: Can I call it or what!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> "You want us to do WHAT?!" screamed Urd and Skuld.

CROW: (as Kaji) That's right. I want you to-

MIKE: Crow…..

CROW: (as Kaji) Make me a sammich!

MIKE: Oh. Never mind, then.

> "Help the defense against the 16th angel." replied Belldandy.

> "Have you lost you cotton-picking MIND?!" screeched Urd. "If that thing doesn't infect us, it'll blow us to kingdom >come!"

TOM: This is assuming that they even "can" be affected by it.

> "That's not as certain as you may think. If these two angels are just to weaken the EVAs for the last angel, then two >goddesses shouldn't be a target."

> "For some reason that fails to comfort me." mumbled Urd.

> "This is not what I planned to happen." said Skuld

TOM: You know, I just thought of something. If the world is in ruins, how could Belldandy and Keiichi even "have" a date?

MIKE: I think they're from another world, or something like that.

TOM: But then why are they granting wishes from different continuities?

MIKE: Um, kindness out of their hearts?
TOM: Oh. Then why are they-

MIKE: Just smile and nod.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>"THIS WAS NOT WHAT WAS PLANNED TO HAPPEN!" bellowed SEELE 4.

>"Affirmative," SEELE 2, "If Gendo Ikari is allowed to continue he could disrupt all of our plans. I suggest to activate Solution >Delta."

MIKE: Solution Delta?

TOM: It'll be a nice day if it doesn't rain.

CROW: It's always a nice day if it doesn't rain.

ASUKA: Huh?

MIKE: *to Asuka* "Quest of the Delta Knights." It's a long story.

>"Annihilation of Tokyo 3? ...acceptable. A setback, true, but considering the situation, acceptable." Kheel said through the >monolith labeled SEELE 1.

MIKE: (as Kheel) But how shall we start?

TOM: (as SEELE 4) By sending in guys who throw pee as a weapon, and then finishing them off with midgets.

CROW: (as Midget from Delta Knights movie) I'M COMING!

> "I suggest we use the dummy EVAs we have in storage. Also attacking after all the Angels have been destroyed would >be the most opportune time." SEELE 5 said.

CROW: (as Midget) I'M COMING!

>"Agreed." SEELE 1 said and the holo-council faded out.

CROW: I'M COMING!

ASUKA: Stop that!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> A white circle hovered above a hill. If a person got closer they would see that the line was in the shape of a double >helix. The 16th angel was here, and it was patiently waiting. It had a task, corrupt that half-angel demoness. The secondary goal >was to try and get rid of the abomination that was thrust into this world. And finally the more EVAs destroyed the better. But >right now all it had to do was wait.

MIKE: Wow. That was convenient.

CROW: First time the villains of a story ever did that.

MIKE: Second, actually. Remember all those bad lemons?
CROW: True.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Unit 00 and Unit 02 were launched along with the T3T. The minute Kensuke did a scan of the angel he knew exactly >what it could do. Infest and corrupt.

> "AYANAMI! ASUKA! GET OUT OF THERE!" he screamed through the intercom.

MIKE: (as Kensuke) Or so help me you'll become my first targets!

> Rei lunged to the side to try and avoid the snake-like form of the angel now lunging at her. She almost dodged it. It had >only grazed her but it was enough. What seemed to be raised veins started to appear on the EVA and Rei inside.

> Kensuke was in shock. The green synapse fluid pulsing through his veins seemed to turn to ice. Rei, beautiful Rei, HIS

>beloved Rei was being...violated by that monster.

MIKE: Okaayy……

CROW: *to Asuka* Your friends got some serious issues.

ASUKA: Tell me about it.

> Then he heard the command being issued from the inside of Unit 00, self-destruct. No...he would not let his beautiful one die. >The T3T hovered over the convulsing form. Kensuke activated the defensive laser, and with the precision of a machine he used >it like a surgical knife. Carefully cutting out the entry plug.

ASUKA: Um, since when did Adia become such an expert?

> "Asuka grab the entry plug and get out of here as fast as possible." Adia said. His voice unnaturally calm.

> Silently Asuka complied. Despite the danger around her she was only scared of one thing. Kensuke's voice, it was cold, >flat, just like a machine. *What the hell is the T3T doing to him?* Of course she couldn't pursue that though any further as a >huge explosion rocked the area knocking Unit 2 down. Thankfully it nor the entry plug Rei was in was harmed.

CROW: Yet "another" convenient situation.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Urd and Skuld walked through the door to the apartment base they were using and promptly passed out onto the floor. >Keeping the angel from directly entering the entry pod not only turned out to be much harder than they thought, but also far >more painful too. *Note to self: NEVER EVER COME TO THIS F%&$@#^ REALITY AGAIN...EVER!*

ALL: O_O.

MIKE: Wow. First Bell, then God, and now Urd. Who's next? Skuld?

> was one of the more lucid thoughts that repeated itself in Urd's mind. Skuld could only murmur a faint `Ice Cream!'

MIKE: And there you go. The whole cast is now tainted, although Skuld received the better end of the deal.

> Belldandy was on the phone. "Yes your holiness, the big blast should happen tomorrow. Then we move in. So things >are almost fixed. Those two bakas? They're on the floor passed out. I sent them to `help' the scenario through. I know it's risky >but they seem to be okay. Oh you're not talking about how they'll end up. Well the scenario still looks like it will work. yes sir, >I will give my status report same time tomorrow."

TOM: You know, if Belldandy were to see how she was portrayed, she'd be highly upset.

CROW: Or God for that matter.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Kensuke was watching the TV. Although there was only static on the screen he didn't seem to mind.

CROW: (as Kensuke) Purdy-purdy lights!

> *Subject: The 17th angel's arrival.* his computer like mind started to think. *Purpose: Union with ADAM. Probable >procedure: Due to past failures with forced entry a tactic of espionage and infiltration is probable. Suggested defense: Hook into >inner NERV command for defense. Final Note: Angel scenario must not play out in their favor. Must protect Rei at all costs.* >Kensuke then slipped into a quiet slumber, now a pure tactical machine.

MIKE: I bet he's wishing he didn't make that wish now, huh.

TOM: But if that was the way they planned it, wouldn't it be more convenient "not" to grant wishes there in the first place?

MIKE: True, but you don't want to put too much thought into this.

TOM: Yeah, I know what you mean.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

> Karowu smiled as he entered Nerv. It was pretty easy for him to slip a mild poison into Asuka's food when they met >during lunch at school. It wouldn't kill her, just put her out long enough for him to `borrow' Unit 02.

CROW: And have a little fun with her while he was at it.

ASUKA: Ew! I don't even want to picture that!

> That girl Rei didn't worry him, even though she knew what he was. Unit 00 was destroyed and her own personal AT field >could only hold him back for so long. Shinji was a nice boy, but with him in unit 01 he was a terror, but that's what Unit 02 was >for. However...the boy that should not be here, he worried him. Not only did he seemed to know exactly what he was and what >he would do, but Karowu also got the feeling that someone was helping him. Someone who had power equal to that of Lilith >herself.

TOM: Or Morrigan, or Dimitri, or Pyron……

> THAT really worried him. *It's going to be a shame to do this. I'll miss their music.* He was at the cage with unit 02.

> Misato burst into the bridge panicked by what Ritsuko had told her. "STOP HIM! HE'S THE SEVEN-" She was cut >short as every speaker in the system began to blare Beethoven's `Ode to Joy'. If Unit 02 wasn't moving on it's own because of >the now floating bit the music would have been very beautiful.

MIKE: Yeah. It's just as beautiful when they played opera at the end of "The Godfather."

> Kensuke however was already in the T3T. A large smile on his face. "Sucker." He pressed a few buttons and the large >dummy of Unit 02 that Karowu had in his thrall exploded. Shinji and Asuka right about then came down from a launch tube >where they was hiding.

ASUKA: But I thought my fic self was poisoned?

> Shinji was emotionally hurt a little. However since Kensuke had warned him it was not a big shock.

CROW: For Kensuke could see into the future.

TOM: I kinda question Shinji's sexual preference, and this isn't helping matters.

> Rei was standing on the bridge amongst the happy cheers of the bridge crew. Gendo and Futuzuki were smiling grimly. "Shinji, >Asuka..." Misato said, "Eliminate the seventeenth angel."

> Karowu stood there in shock. He was tricked, tricked! He scanned the thoughts of the people in the room and found >that all of them were in on it.

ASUKA: So my fic self "wasn't" poisoned?

> He just stood there waiting for the others to finish him off when he started to feel a rage grow within him. His kind face >distorted and twisted and the air seemed to shimmer. Suddenly Asuka was heard screaming then was suddenly cut off.

> Maya was staring at the screen in horror. "She's...dead... . The angel, he warped her EVA's AT field so that it...crushed >her body to a pulp.

TOM: So a distorted face crushed her?

ASUKA: Huh? Aren't you even paying attention?

TOM: No, not really.

> "No...NO! NOW YOU DIE MONSTER!" screamed Shinji. He lunged with his prog knife but then Unit 02 blocked it >before he could connect.

CROW: *to Asuka* So this is your way of thanking someone who just shown that he cared for you?

ASUKA: Shut up!

>*Analysis: Pilot Asuka: No longer functioning* Kensuke compiled *Target now has control of Unit 02. Procedure: Seal off all >levels* Almost immediately all doors in the complex sealed shut.

CROW: Oh.

MIKE: It makes sense, seeing as how the Angels represent Bell, Urd, and Skuld, to want to help them out.

ASUKA: e_e That wasn't funny, Mike.

> This however was a useless deterrent to Karowu.

TOM: Did he say "detergent?"

> Shinji was fighting for his life. Unit 02 seemed to be moving at an inhuman speed.

MIKE: Well, yeah, Unit 02 being inhuman and all.

> That monster Karowu was just watching, smiling. The T3T and Adia was helping him by showing the probability of what >attacks would be used. Then the three of them burst through the final door and ADAM was before them.

MIKE: (as ADAM) Where's EVE?!

> "This is not Adam...this is Lilith!" Karowu said shocked.

CROW: And this is not Lilith… this is Morrigan!

> When he said that Unit 02 paused for just 1 second. That was all Shinji needed to ram the prog knife in its chest. The unit fell >into the pool of LCL and was silent.

TOM: This fic didn't even give us a warning about heavy drug usage, especially with LCL.

ASUKA: That's LSD, Tom.

TOM: Oh.

> Karowu was grabbed and was held in Unit 01's hand.

>Karowu looked at Shinji in the EVA, then he looked back at Lilith. "You know Shinji I understand now that the way I should go >would be to let you kill me." Karowu turned and looked hard at the T3T. "But that abomination leaves me no choice."

> In the bridge two screams could be heard as Karowu tried to crush Shinji like he had done to Asuka. The first one was >Shinji. The second one was that of a woman. "Yuri..." Gendo said softly.

CROW: How could he be thinking of Hentai at a time like this?!

> "...try the dummy plug system. Yuri, please, your son will die if you don't take this."

CROW: I just thought of something. Why in the world would someone call their kid the Japanese term for "girl on girl?"

> Just as the dummy plug system was activated, Shinji's heart gave out under the stress his body was taking. Then Unit >01 stood upright. Placed it's hands around the spear of Longous and threw it at Karowu. It exploded in a massive blast that went >all through NERV.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

CROW: Well, I'm glad that's over.

> Adia wandered through the rubble of NERV.

CROW: Of course.

> He had survived the blast by dropping out of the T3T and into the ocean of LCL.

TOM: So he survived the explosion by ejecting himself out "into" the blast? What, did the T3T have ejection seats that travel at supersonic speed?

> He had gotten out and found that most of the machinery still was intact and worked. However even his mechanical like brain, >which was returning to normal fast, couldn't help him from the scenes of horror that were on the bridge. Maya and the other >members of the bridge crew were fused to their partially melted seats.

ASUKA: I think I'm going to be sick……

CROW: Well, at least they'll never have to worry about finding a place to sit.

ASUKA: If I wasn't feeling so nauseous, I would hurt you for that!

> Their dead eyes looking at the flickering screens before them. Misato was sitting against a wall. She must have been waiting for >the end. A small picture of herself and Kaji together was clutched in her hands.

TOM: "Now" how is she supposed to shoot him?

CROW: (as Kaji) I got off Scott-free!

>Ritsuko's corpse had fallen upon the Magi, in the near exact position her mother was in when she died. Futuzuki was also lying >against a wall. Looking like a man who is about to loose a great burden from his shoulders.

CROW: In a way, he did.

ASUKA: *feeling more ill*

> Gendo was a twisted blacked figure. A spider web had already began to form between his hands.

MIKE: So how much time passed?

> And in the middle of it all was Rei, still alive, holding one of Shinji's plug suits. The tears streaming silently down her face. >She made no movement not even when Kensuke tried to shake her. She might as well have been an ivory statue.

ASUKA: *is shocked, but looks at Mike* How can you be so calm and collected?

MIKE: I'm used to it.

> "Pretty gruesome isn't it?" a voice said behind Adia. He whirled around to see Kaji there, smiling gently.

CROW: (as Kaji) 2 Goddesses caused it by playing with your wish. Isn't it funny?

> "Come on. You and I need to have a talk, a long quiet talk."

TOM: (as Kaji) About "me" getting shot.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

They sat down in the cafeteria. "You want anything Adia?"

Adia could only shake his head, totally in shock. He couldn't believe how he had been lately. Just a machine devoted to war tactics. God, It was petrifying.

CROW: Sure, that's the whole point to EVAs and ANGELs, but that's just my opinion.

> "So Mr. Kensuke, what is it like to be a hero of war?

CROW: Or villain, whichever you prefer.

TOM: He's got nothin' on Solid Snake, though.

> I know you don't know this but it isn't over yet. SELEE is sending a swarm of dummy EVA soldiers."

TOM: But at least the "SEELES" aren't taking over, right?

>"Not a problem," Adia said, "I'll use the defense grid so that...so that...OH GOD I DON'T KNOW!" Kensuke broke down >sobbing.

MIKE: (as Adia) I usually just hit the reset button!

CROW: (as Snake) War as a videogame, a perfect way to create the perfect soldier.

> "You know Adia. You have a chance to go back. I assume you still have that slip of paper?" Kaji asked. Adia pulled >out Skuld's rain check.

TOM: (as Adia) I wanted to see if it was waterproof, so I threw it in the toilet. It made a nice sparkle, though.

> "If I do erase all that's happened what will happen to me?"

TOM: (as Kaji) You'll cease to exist, but if it's any consolation, I'm going to get shot by my own girlfriend.

> "You will never pilot an EVA, your family will move away after the 16th angel's explosion. You will not forget this >but everyone else will. So what will it be Kensuke? A hero living in sorrow and solitude or just another face living a normal >life."

CROW: In other words, Solid Snake or your average Joe?

MIKE: This is also assuming that he can ever have "normal" thoughts ever again.

> "I want this nightmare to be over. But if I sign promise me this...that the angels and SELEE will both fail in taking >over." Adia mumbled.

> "You have our word." said Kaji, "Now just sign right there and we can end this dream."

TOM: Of course, the promise wasn't made for the "SEELES" arrival.

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

>The plane silently flew over the pacific. Adia's family was moving to the United States. Adia wasn't too sad, after all his Uncle >Bill was a great guy, and Washington had a lot of interesting places to visit. In his hands he held a small picture. It was him, >Asuka, Shinji, Rei, Misato and PenPen. The pilots were all in their plug suits, even Adia. They were all celebrating the defeat of >the 15th angel. It wasn't a good quality picture, tears had stained it.

CROW: It had "better" be tears!

MIKE: *shaking his head*
ASUKA: *grimacing at Crow*

> On the back of the photo a simple message was written: We always keep promises. Four words, but they were enough to give >him hope for humanity.

CROW: Hey! That's 9 words!

>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\THE END\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

CROW: Finally!

>Author's Notes: Well Ladies and Gents there you have it.

TOM: The Evangelion world in a distorted nutshell.

> My first work in which I poured my soul into it. I worked my flesh and blood into this piece. Pretty bad ain't it?

CROW: So he worked hard on making a bad fic? He could've just typed it with eyes closed.

MIKE: No, Crow. Then we would have had a fic more incomprehensible than any of Thinkers works.

CROW: Oh yeah. *shudders*

> Well now I guess there is only one last step remaining. BRING ON THE MSTs! I DARE YOU!

MIKE: Unfortunately, Pearl answered to that call.

But please take note, my retribution will be merciless! Farewell fellow otaku!

TOM: Should we be worried?

CROW: Nah. The worst he could do is make a sequel.

ASUKA: Now let's get out of here!

[The group now exits the theater]

**************************************************************** *****

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

When the group entered the satellite, they looked around in horror. Everything was in shambles. The floors were cluttered, most of the electronics were destroyed, and no life could be sensed. Mike quickly went to search for Gypsy, who was trying to keep the satellite of love from crashing into the moon.

"What's going on, Gypsy?" Mike asked in worry.

"I don't know." She responded. "It's like the wrath of God is before us or something. Go ask Pearl. Maybe it's her fault!"

So Mike quickly called Pearl. She responded, but her picture wasn't shown. He could only hear her voice.

"Pearl! What's going on?!"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Remember in the fic where they made God and his daughter totally OOC? Well, somehow he got word of our experiment, and is now punishing us for it. Like it was `my' fault that piece of tarp was written!"

S.O.L.

"Well, have you tried apologizing to him?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"And admit to being wrong? Never! That windbag could go and find one himself!"

S.O.L.

Suddenly, a lot of noise and static could be heard. In the background, he could hear Bobo shouting in his monkey language, and Observer begging for forgiveness. Finally, everything just shut off. A bright light emanated from the satellite.

"Mike, come here, quick!" shouted Crow. "There's something you should see!"

So Mike rushed to the other room. In it, was Belldandy. She had a sad look on her face. The bots went up to hug her.

"We missed you!" Exclaimed Tom.

"Save us from this danger!" exclaimed Crow.

"I can't." Belldandy said sadly. "The only way for me to do that would be for Pearl to wish that this experiment never happened. Unfortunately, she's being very stubborn, and-" her speech was interrupted by a phone call. "Excuse me." She then answered it. "Hello? Yes? You mean she gave in? That's splendid! When can I start? Okay. Thanks again." Then she hung up. "That was father. Apparently things went better than expected, and I now have permission to make things normal again." The she turned to Asuka. "You won't remember anything after this event. You will return back to your world the way you left it."

Hearing this made Asuka jump for joy. "Who cares?! I get to go home!" But then she suddenly stopped cheering. "Wait a minute. If I go back there, doesn't that mean that something terrible is going to happen to me? In that case, I want to stay!"

"Sorry." Belldandy said. "But it's the way things must unfold."

A bright flash of light filled the room, making everyone shield them. When the light faded away, everyone looked around, and Asuka was nowhere to be seen.

"Aw." Crow finally said. "I didn't even get to say goodbye to her."

"I'm sorry, Crow, but it's for the best."

"Well, I guess." Then he turned to Belldandy. "Since you're here, does that mean that you can get us out of here?"

The Goddess shook her head. "I'm sorry, but that would disrupt `this' continuity. It is not yet your time to leave this place. But do not fret. That time will come."

Crow smiled. "I hope you're right."

"I am." Suddenly, the phone rang again. "Hello? Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get right to it…….I'll be sure to let them know." Then she hung up. "That was father, again. He wants me to restore everything right away. Hang onto something."

So everyone quickly held onto the nearest pinned down object they could find as Belldandy used her powers to restore the satellite to its former glory, even to the spot it was originally stationed on.

Mike looked around. "Wow. The place looks as good as the day when I first arrived here."

"So what was the other thing he said?" asked Tom.

"Well, he said that he'll allow you to ask three questions about anything you want."

"Any three we want?"

"Yes, but please make them good ones, as you only have three."

So they nodded, and then made a huddle. After several seconds of conversing, they approached the Goddess.

"We have our first question." Tom said. "Why is it that God allows people to make crappy movies? I know why he allows `bad' movies to happen, but why allow the production of movies that are so gut wretchingly horrible that you want to pull your eyes from your sockets?"

Belldandy had a look of confusion on her face. She was expecting a question like `what was the meaning of life.' She didn't expect such an odd question to be asked. Still, she smiled as she tried her best to answer it.

"The reason for that is because… um… hold on." Then she dialed the phone. "Hello? Father? Yes, they asked me a question that I don't have the answer to… mhm… yes… really?...Okay. Thanks. Bye." Then she hung up. "The reason why horrible movies are allowed to be produced is because so you'll know what a horrible movie is. If he only allowed good movies to be produced, then we wouldn't know what a bad movie was, and therefore would lose our sanity to the first fiasco that happened on television. That, and your minds are fragile. Bad movies help strengthen your tolerance to ignorance and stupidity. I hope that answers your question."

"Well, it did, I guess." Tom answered. "Still, I wish movies didn't have to get `this' bad."

"My turn!" exclaimed Mike. "Here's my question. Why is it that girls don't like me?"

Again, Belldandy was bewildered by such weird questions. Fortunately, she had an answer to it. "The reason girls don't like you, is because you're not popular. However, if I were you, I would look for a girl who is similar to your personality. There are plenty of them, you're just not looking in the right places."

"Wow, thanks, Bell." Mike said happily.

"Me next!" exclaimed Crow. "And it's a good question, too. Why is it that whatever comes out of Canada is bad? Same goes for Japan with movies."

Belldandy slapped her hand against her forehead. Not only was this another weird question, but one that might be offensive to others. "That's an offensive statement, you know."

"I know, but you said any kind of questions we want."

Belldandy sighed. Only half smiling, she answered his question. "You see, Japan doesn't have a good budget on movies, so therefore are not as high quality as that of others. Their technology in other places is very high, though. As for Canada, um… can "I" ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why are you asking such a terrible question? If you promise to ask something else, I'll give you a free question."

"Deal!" He then thought for a moment, and the responded. "What time is it? My watch is broken."

"It's 3:45pm." Belldandy answered, glad that it was a quick question. "I've now fixed your watch as well." Then she hugged Mike and the bots. "Farewell. Maybe we'll bump into each other again one day." Then she vanished.

Tom and Crow conversed with each other, talking about how great it was to meet Belldandy again, and how great it was that the fic they just watched now ceased to exist. Mike was about to join in, but the mad lights flashed. He quickly answered it. Bobo and Observer were on the screen.

"Hi, guys." Mike said. "What's up?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Our self worth." Observer said gladly. "Ever since Bobo had a talk with God about fixing this stuff, things have been going smoothly, at least for the time being."

"Allow me to elaborate." Bobo started. "Just as things were looking bleak, I decided to have a talk with the big guy. So we talked about many interesting things. After that, we shot some hoops and went bowling. He's a very nice guy, unlike his portrayal in that fic."

S.O.L.

"So what happened next?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Well after the conversation, which seemed to be while time was frozen or something…no matter. What was important was that he allowed `me' to ask for the experiment to never happen. I knew that the Lawgiver would hurt me for doing that, so he decided to punish her by striking her with a lightning bolt. She'll live, but had to be put in a body cast."

"Allow me to show you." Observer said. He went out of view, and then came back with Pearl in a wheelchair. She had so many bandages and casts, that she looked like a mummy. "Until she recovers, which could be for weeks to months, we're in charge. And speaking of which, how would you like to come over for a card game? We could watch some sports afterwards."

S.O.L.

"You know, I'd love to do that." Mike answered. "After all, it's great to hang out with guys like you."

Tom and Crow quickly stopped their conversation.

"You're going to the castle?!" shouted Tom. "Take us with you! We want to see Pearl!"

"Yeah! We want to babysit our lovely Pearl!" shouted Crow.

Mike turned to Observer and Bobo. "So, what do you guys say?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Well, I'll have to see if it's alright with her." Then she turned to Pearl, who was staring icily at him, giving him mental threats. He grinned, and then turned back towards Mike. "She would be honored." Then he used his mind powers to teleport the three to the castle. "Well, let's get going."

So Mike, Observer, and Bobo went to the living room to play cards and watch sports. The bots cuddled up next to Pearl, saying random things. Pearl just grumbled, knowing that for the time being, there was nothing she could do about it.

*roll credits*

Well, there you have it. I'm sorry it took such a long time to finish, but I had so many real life agendas that kept getting in my way. I'd like to once again thank Echo, who gave me permission to MST this.

If you'd like to send me feedback, send it to evil_reviewer@hotmail.com

~~~. "THIS! IS! ALL! YOUR! FAULT! YOU! RUNINED! MY! HOLIDAY! WITH! KEICHII! WHAT! ON! EARTH! WERE! YOU! TWO! THINKING! BONEHEADS!"

"Ow...." was the only reply they had.~~~