Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Evangelion Battle Planet ❯ Bout 4! The Bishojo Senshi of Sailor Moon vs The-Randomly-Selected-Eva-Guys ( Chapter 4 )

Yo! Diros here once more with yet ANOTHER mind numbing chapter of the Eva battle planet series! Today is a special treat for Sailor Moon fans, and bashers alike. What am I gonna do? Why dontcha read and find out. And since I get SO many e-mails alerting me that my fic is OOC, I'm gonna say it now, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OOC. O_O. Now of course, I don't own Eva, and any characters depicted herein, but if I did, I'd be pumping out more episodes. >.< Having said that, ON WITH THE SHOW!!





We should do something new.. We could do something new.. It's about time we did something new.. But we wont. Why?



CAUSE IT'S EVA. BATTLE. PLAAAAANEEEET!!

Brought to you by Tokyo-3 Mall "Everything we tell you to buy, and more!"



TODAYS BOUT!!!

The 5 Inner Senshi from Sailor Moon Vs. Gendo, Shinji, Kensuke, Kaji, and Gay Angel Boy Kaworu.

Announcers: Tuxedo Kamen, Obsidian Dragon (O.D. Fer short)

Gong Ringer: Chris Rock



O.D: Hey everybody, Obsidian Dragon here again, since Diros is currently hospitalized from his last fic, I get hosting duty.

(Cut to Hospital room 303, Diros is wrapped in millions of bandages.)

Diros: Never again. will I self-insert myself...

Atomic Hammer toting Asuka: You just did.. (Super evil grin)

Diros: MOMMY!

(Back to Booth)

O.D: So today, since we have the Sailor Senshi here, I decided to let Tuxedo Kamen host with me.

Kamen: With the light of Truth and Justice, the protector of the revered Sailor Senshi, I am Tuxedo Kamen!

O.D: (-_-) Yes, your Tuxedo Kamen...we know that...

Kamen: Thank you for having me here to day, Sir Obsidian.

O.D: It's O.D for you. you child molesting freak.

Kamen: What you say? (From the All your Base Are Belong to Us thingie..)

O.D: Nothing. Now, I'll describe how this battle is gonna work. Since the Senshi have the power of Sparkles and hearts at their disposal, We decided to give the 5 Eva men their own ability to transform.

Kamen: Shouldn't this be an all out, woman vs. woman match??

O.D: You just want to see a bunch of women in short skirts.....I do too....but I have to remain business, for Diros' sake! (Thinking) You are SO gonna owe me for this...

Kamen: The Sailor Senshi have just entered the field!!

Sailor Moon: Guardian of Love and Justice! From the Moon, I am Sailor Moon!!

Sailor Mars: Reader of the Flame, and purifier of evil! From Mars, I am Sailor Mars!!

Sailor Venus: Child of the Goddess of love, and giver of the gift of love! From Venus, I am Sailor Venus!

Sailor Jupiter: Strongest of the strong, and Protector of the weak! From Jupiter, I am Sailor Jupiter!

Sailor Mercury: Strong in mind, and strong in body! From Mercury, I am Sailor Mercury!!

O.D:(Looked annoyed) Did they HAVE to do that.

Kamen: Yup.

O.D: The Eva Men are on the field, and I guess we have to watch their intro's too.

(Gendo enters first, wearing normal attire)

Gendo:(Becomes a spinning blur) With the power of The Cold Bastard, I am. (Stops spinning, he transformed, and is now wearing a pink Tutu) Asshole Man!! (Looks down, and sighs) I thought we RESOLVED that problem.

(The Senshi Snicker)

Sailor Mars: (Frowns) Just another dirty old man..

Sailor Venus: That's not so bad...

O.D: (From the booth) DEAL WITH IT OLD MAN!!

(Kensuke enters next, smiling)

Kensuke: With the power of War, and Conflict! I am am (Transforms in a blue puff of smoke, and suddenly, he's a Black Heavy Arms re-make) Shin-Heavy Arms!

Trowa:(From the stands) I smell a lawsuit!

O.D: Pretty cool, but I've seen better.

(The Senshi frown at the robot dude)

(Kaworu enters next, dressed normally)

Kaworu: By the power of the angels, I become (Transforms into a Rurouni Kenshin's outfit) The Samurai of Love...

(The Senshi drool, and call out to him)

Kaworu:(Jumps back in fright) Gah! Girls! Pretty girls!!

Sailor Mars: (Sexiest pose she could think of) And that's bad thing?

O.D: No.....

Kaworu: Yes! I'm gay!! I'm for Shinji ONLY!!

Sailor Jupiter:(Whispers) He dies first....

(Kaji appears next)

Random females from the crowd: WOOHOO!! KAAAAJIIIIIII!!!

(17 Gunshots later, those voices are silenced)

Misato: MINE!

Kaji: With the Powers of being the International Man of Pimpestry, I become,(Spins behind a field of glitter and sparkles, when it clears, threes a gigantic tentacle demon, with no mouth to speak with) Gbrfashhhh!!

Misato: WHO WANTS EM!!?!?!

Sailor Mars: ICK!!

Sailor Venus: Ack!!

Sailor Jupiter: Gah!

Sailor Mercury: Eww!!

Sailor Moon: (Drools)

Kamen: HEY!!

O.D: Looks like someone isn't making their old lady happy..(Grins)

Kamen: Are you saying I'm insufficient in bed!?

O.D: Umm....yes?

Kamen: (Frowns) Who cares what you say!? Shinji is on the field now...switch to him!!

(Shinji enters, wearing his normal clothes)

Gendo: HA! What could HE possibly turn into!?

Shinji:(Simply Grins, and a sphere of energy surrounds him, blowing the ground from under him, causing an eruption of dust. When it clears, Shinji isn't there, but what appears to be Guyver 3, only he's black and red, instead of purple and orange.)

Kensuke: Shin-Man! Dude!!

Shinji: Father, don't make me angry...(The control metal glows) you wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

Gendo: So what? Now you look stupid. What could that thing possibly do??

Shinji:(Opens the right breast plate, revealing one of the two Mega Smashers, and unleashes the beam towards Sailor Mercury, effectively eradicating her)

Gendo: Son, have I ever told you how much I loved you??

Shinji:(Grins evilly) Not gonna work old man.

O.D: All our fighters are here! Now sound the gong!!

(Chris Rock stands in front of the gong, using the Mallet to prop himself up)

Chris: You know, why you gotta use a BLACK man to ring yo' gong? Why cant you get THIS hoe (Makes the mistake at pointing at Rei) Ta ring it!?

Rei: I dislike being called that. (Stands, and proceeds to instruct Chris how to implant his face into the center of a Gong. Repeatedly)

O.D: And the match begins!!

(Sailor Mars starts launching a barrage of fireballs)

Gendo: AH!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!

Kensuke: Chill out. (Unfolds his arms, pointing the 4 gatling guns outward, and begins firing, taking down most of the fireballs. But some still strike behind him) Now it's my turn!!

Sailor Mars: Gah! That's mean!

Kensuke: My turn! (Panels on his armor open up on his shoulders, legs, and chest, revealing mini-missiles)

Sailor Mars: WAAAAH!! I DONT WANNA DIE!! (She tries to run)

Kensuke: DONT RUN! YOU'LL ONLY DIE TIRED!! (Fires them all at once, all of them locked onto Sailor Mars. Seconds later, they find their mark)

*Authors Note: Can we say Ka-Fucking boom??

Gendo: Alright, my turn! (Runs at Venus) DIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!

Venus:(Yawns, throwing her love chain around his neck)

Gendo: Mistress, I'll do anything you say...I love you.

Venus: Good boy. Now, lets go somewhere quiet so I can give you some lessons. (Smiles)

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Shinji: Ms. Venus

Venus: Yes?

Shinji: You know my father is married right?

Venus: Don't be silly. I remember your show. Your mom is dead. So he's single. And I happen to like older guys. (Grins)

O.D: (Looking up) Oh shitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit.....

Shinji: Sorry. My mom is right there. (Points behind her)

Venus: (Looks behind her, seeing a giant purple right foot, she then looks up. Unit 01 towers above her, and it doesn't look pleased)

Gendo: Oh...dear. ..hey...how are you..

(Needless to say, both are stomped into the floor by a gigantic purple left foot, that was hanging above said couple. Unit 01 then stomps off)

O.D: (Applauds from the booth) Ladies and Gentlemen, lets hear it for our surprise guest! Eva 01!!

Crowd: (Claps)

Kaworu: Shin-Chan? What do you want me to do??

Shinji: Go over there, and give the one in green a hug. Would you please?

Kaworu: If you say so Shin-Chan... (Walks over to Jupiter and hugs her, causing her to have an orgasm being touched by such a cute boy) Now what Shin-Chan?

Shinji: (Had the pressure cannon ready to fire) Say "Bye!"

Kaworu: Bye??

Shinji:(Fires the pressure cannon, killing both the Senshi, and the Angel boy.) Two with one stone, I feel good. ^_^

(Back at the Gong)

Rei: You (Slam) do not (Slam) call (Slam) women (Slam) "hoes" (Slam) Do I make myself clear? (Slam, slam, slam, slam, slam)

Chris: Yesh ba'am..

Rei: Good. (Lets his limp form hit the floor, then takes her seat back in the crowd, anyone near her scooting away. slightly) What?

(Back in the booth)

Kamen: Looks like that Rock fellow had the mess beat out of him, wouldn't you agree O.D-san (Looks to his left, and is surprised to see two barrels of a sawed off shotgun) O.D-san??

O.D: Eat it fucker. (Blasts his head clean off.) Now that he's been gotten rid of, lets get back to the fight.

(Sailor Moon is the only one remaining)

Sailor Moon: With the hope of my friends, I'll defeat you both!!

Kensuke: Tch. (Shoots out her kneecaps)

Sailor Moon: OW!! NOO!!

Shinji: (Pressure Cannons her arms off)

Sailor Moon: Why is Shinji acting this way!??!

Shinji: This suit also came with a confidence boost.

Sailor Moon: NO IT DOSENT!!

Shinji: (Shrugs) I don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Kensuke: (The twin gats drop, and arm blades flick outwards on both arms) Time to die!! (Jumps atop her, and uses his thrusters to spin in a circle, effectively cutting her apart)

Shinji: (Pumps a fist into the air) WE WIN!!

Kensuke: ALRIGHT!!

Sailor Moon: Not so fast!!

(Both guys sweat drop and look over. All the Senshi are standing) WTF?!

Crowd: WTF!?

O.D: WTF!?

Kamen: Thought you could kill us eh? (Eats another shotgun burst)

O.D: THIS TIME STAY DEAD!!

Sailor Moon: Don't you know!? We can all be reborn!

Kaji: grrfrrrbsshhhhh!!

Kensuke: Kaji says he wants a turn.

Shinji: Fine. (Throws all the Senshi within Kaji's tentacled reach)

Kaji: His tentacles race toward the Senshi. Wrapping themselves around slender waists, and thighs, tearing off clothing. Kaji then decides that oral sex should be a starting event, and slowly inches his tentacle toward their mouths. He then-

(The rest of this is censored because I'm an evil bastard who wants to deprave the Hentai Community until a later date. MUA HA HA HA HA HA!)

(Hours Later)



Shinji: How long do you think he'll keep this up??

Kensuke: (Had his camera out, and didn't care. Both boys were back to normal, Shinji still had his confidence boost though)

Shinji: Right....O.D-san? Is it over?

O.D: (Also had a camera out, and didn't care)

Shinji: Fine. Rei-Chan, Ring the gong again please!

Rei: (blushes slightly) Hai Ikari-kun. (She picks up Chris' limp body, and slams him hard into the gong, breaking both) Oops...Gomen ne...

Shinji: Daijobu Rei-Chan. Now lets go home. (Puts an arm around her shoulder)

Rei: (Her blush increases dramatically) H-Hai...Ikari-kun..

Shinji: You can call me Shinji if you like Rei-Chan.

Rei: Hai...Shinji....Chan...

(They both look toward the camera, the sunset right behind them) Ja ne!!





Post fight Rants, Raves, and Comments.

Shinji: I liked this one. I wasent a wussy little baby! I was a badass!!

Rei: I enjoyed this fanfictional as well (Rested her head upon Ikari's shoulder)

Asuka: HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN!!

Rei: If you want him so bad, why not duel for him?

Asuka: Fine then, I challenge you to a Duel Monsters match!

Shinji: Ladies, there's plenty of Shinji to go around!!

Both Girls: SILENCE!

Shinji: Hai!!

O.D: Well, you heard it folks. The next battle is Asuka Vs. Rei, for the rights of Shinji!!

Shinji: Why do I have the feeling it's gonna suck to be me tomorrow.

O.D: Cause it will.

Shinji: Damnit!!

Misato: (Was wearing a thong bikini)

O.D: Misato, what are you doing??

Misato: Going to visit Kaji and some friends.

(On the field, the Super Tentacle Sex Show was still under way, and Hentai fans from around the world came to watch)

O.D: Fine fine. Well, hopefully, Diros will be fully re-habilitated, and be able to select another host.

Asuka: Eheheh....

(At the Hospital)

Diros: Was wrapped in bandages, speaking softly) Cant sleep...clowns will eat me. Cant sleep...clowns will eat me. Cant sleep...clowns will eat me.

(Back at the E.B.P forum)

O.D: Well, that takes care of this round. Bai bai!

(Static)

*Authors indecent babble That's right folks, Asuka Vs. Rei in a Yu-Gi-Oh style match! When will it air? I dunno. Ja!!