Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Evangelion: Renaissance ❯ Episode 18'b – State of Nature ( Chapter 5 )

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Episode 18' -

State of Nature 

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The humid air was suffused with the continuous chirping of cicadas. No wind was blowing now, and the cloudless sky offered no shelter from the ruthless blaze of the sun, compounding the brutal heat. Asuka and Rei took refuge beneath the shady overhang that adorned the front of the school. Asuka pinched the front of her white shirt between her thumb and forefinger and flapped it back and forth as a futile means to fan herself, but the air current the shirt created was still warm.
She leaned against one of the the awning's support columns and sighed, "Where the hell is Shinji?"

Rei stood a few feet away within the shade of the overhang, her hands delicately clasped together in front of her. She stared silently into space. At times like this, Asuka couldn't help but wonder if any thoughts ran through Rei's mind, or if just she just went into standby waiting for instructions. It was probably better that Rei didn't talk; if she did, it would likely be to taunt Asuka about needing to be rescued from that Angel yesterday.

The two children waited quietly under the awning for Shinji to appear. Whenever he emerged from the school they would head to HQ for sync tests.
At first, Asuka didn't like walking with the other pilots, but she acclimated to it. However, it was always better when it was just her and Shinji—the best part of the walk back to Misato's was always when Rei turned and departed down a different street.

Asuka stopped fanning herself and groaned, "Just what is he doing in there?"
She kicked away from the column and felt the full weight of her body come down on her legs. Folding her arms over her chest, she stared directly at Rei and tried to use her eyes to bore a hole into the other girl. She wondered how long it would take to make Rei flinch.

Ten seconds passed… twenty… thirty… after nearly a full minute, Rei unexpectedly broke the silence, "You would not damage your Eva if you acted less impulsively."

"What was that?" Asuka sneered, storming toward the blue-haired girl. She slammed her right hand, fingers spread wide, against her chest and continued, "You're saying that was my fault?"

"You are the designated pilot of Unit 02." Rei answered brusquely.

"So how does that make it my fault?" Asuka spat.

"You can confer with your Eva, to work together." Rei said cryptically.

"And how do I do that, huh?" Asuka demanded, "Empty out my brain, like yours?"

"Perhaps if you were less rash, you might–"

"You don't know anything about me!" Asuka screamed. "Don't ever talk about me or my Unit-02 again! You understand?"
Her head went dark as anger enshrouded her thoughts in a swirling mass of dark clouds.

Steadfast, unwavering, Rei stared directly back at her. Asuka couldn't be sure if it was a challenge or if Rei was legitimately stupid. Still feeling the sting of Rei's remarks, Asuka felt compelled to hit her. As many times as it took for her to finally show any emotion—fear, anger, sadness... whatever. Some kind of human emotion. Then, maybe, Asuka would be satisfied.

The red haired girl started to raise her arm, intending to hurt Rei like she was hurting, but something was physically holding her back. She looked to the right and saw Shinji. Apparently her rage had given her a kind of tunnel-vision, so that she didn't even notice as he walked right up to her.

He had grabbed Asuka by the wrist. His arms wobbled—it looked like he needed all the strength in his body to hold her back.
"Asuka," he gasped, a bewildered look on his face, "What are you doing?"

When Shinji realised what she was preparing to do, the expression on his face turned into a kind of quiet disappointment. Upon seeing it, Asuka's body started to quiver. She had seen that look before, in a time and place she didn't want to remember. Her anger fizzled out and the strength in her arm melted away. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

Shinji let go of her wrist, and her arm dropped limply to her side. She looked back at Shinji and the world blurred out of focus.
Her mind rifled through a thousand words trying to string together an excuse, some kind of defense, but one word stood out like a flashing neon sign: escape.
Not knowing what else to do, she turned and ran.

"Asuka!" Shinji called after her, but it was no use.

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The escalator seemed especially slow today as it hummed along its long descent into Central Dogma. Shinji and Rei stood a few stairs apart from each other, not speaking, as it proceeded downwards at a tedious crawl.

At first, Shinji wanted to know the reason why Asuka was so mad at Rei, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He supposed it didn't really matter. Maybe it was impossible for him to understand Asuka. Maybe it was impossible for him to understand anyone. Maybe people like him weren't meant to be around other people.
Maybe no one was. Not when it was so hard just to know yourself.

Shinji spent the entire escalator ride staring at his shoes. Without looking up, he heard the hum of the escalator give way to a rumble as the stairs flattened into tracks and the tracks terminated into steel grating. He could hear the clanging of Rei's footsteps on the metal floor as she walked on ahead of him, and he knew that they had reached the main level.

The sound faded into the distance and he was alone... suddenly the school roof seemed so far away.

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"Commencing first stage connection."

The testing facility was alive with overlapping chatter as a steady stream of announcements poured through the PA of the control room. Technicians spouted assorted jargon, updating each other regarding the status of the synchronization process.

"Data received. Verifying... Signal indicator online; SNR two-to-one. Pattern green."

"Main power supply connected. All restraints secure. Initiating secondary contact."

Misato gazed through the reinforced glass at the Eva unit in the chamber below, listening to the call-and-response as Ritsuko and Maya followed along on a bank of monitors.

"Harmonics even; heterodyne normal. A-10 nerve connection established." the announcements finished.

Misato approached the control panel and leaned forward, inspecting the screen displaying Shinji's data. She pressed the talkback button and addressed him, "Shinji, are you alright in there?"

The speakers crackled and hissed. After a brief delay, Shinji replied, "I'm okay, Miss Misato."

Taking a small step back, Misato tapped on a section of the screen, denoting the input to Maya. "Is this accurate?" she asked.

Maya entered a series of keystrokes.
“B-type harmonics oscillation constant... Q-factor optimal, spectral density average." she read aloud, cycling through different displays.
"They're accurate," she nodded after a few seconds, clarifying, "Nothing's interfering with the readings."

"The only thing that is effecting these results is the pilot's mental state." Ritsuko concurred.

Misato watched unhappily as Shinji's synchronization rate continued to drop. Gauges drained and meters fell, towers of green bars steadily collapsing.

"Subharmonic series minus 0.3, 0.5, 0.8, 1.3..." Maya relayed as the lines on one graph plummeted.

"There's no denying it; his sync rate has drastically declined." Ritsuko stated, her businesslike tone laced with a muted note of disappointment.

"This doesn't make sense," Misato protested, "He seemed to be doing so much better this morning."
Her eyes shifted to Unit-01, a sleeping giant, a silent purple sentinel beholden to the child nestled in its bosom.

Ritsuko adjusted her glasses and inspected the readout for another moment before she turned to face Misato.
“There's no telling what kind of residual psychological effects his time in the Dirac sea may have," she explained. "We still have no real way of knowing what he experienced in there; some of the repercussions may not always be apparent."

"Not that I can really be sure how he's feeling all the time, anyway..." Misato lamented, staring past Ritsuko at the image of Shinji on one screen, hunched over in the entry plug, his head hanging low on his shoulders. He looked defeated.

"That's the mother in you talking." Ritsuko quipped as she turned back to face the control panel.

Before Misato could find the words to respond, there was a swishing sound and the door slid open. Fuyutsuki stepped through and crossed the room to where the three women were gathered. His eyes scanned the monitors, followed by Misato's face, then settled on Unit-01 in the cage below.

"What's your progress on today's tests?" he requested, angling his body toward the window.

"We're just concluding Shinji's test, and then we'll be done for the day once the data is processed and saved to Melchior." Ritsuko answered.

Keeping his sight locked on Unit-01, Fuyutsuki inched forward and thoughtfully placed one hand on the thick glass.
“What were the results?" he asked.

"Shinji's sync rate has dropped significantly since his last test, and Asuka showed some unstable psychograph readings." Maya reported, indicating the records from earlier.

Fuyutsuki turned his head to look at Ritsuko, finally breaking his focus on the Eva. "And what about Rei?" he inquired.

"No abnormalities." Maya responded flatly.

Misato noted an incredulous look flash across Fuyutsuki's face before he turned his head again. "Why?" she blurted, before quickly tacking on, "If you don't mind me asking, sir."

Removing his hand from the window, Fuyutsuki slowly turned around and folded his hands behind his back.
"It seems her apartment complex was located within the disaster area. It was destroyed in yesterday's Angel attack." he informed her.

A swell of sympathy washed across Misato, followed by a jolt of dismay and surprise. She had no idea... Rei hadn't mentioned anything, hadn't acted any differently from normal, or showed any hint that there was anything wrong.
Misato considered what Ritsuko said earlier: it wasn't always obvious when something is wrong. She reached out and pushed the talkback button.

"Shinji," she said.

"Yes, Miss Misato?" Shinji replied.

"You're all done in there. Get your stuff together and let's get going."

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Misato struggled to stay awake as she waited at the elevator. After Sagiri left last night, she stayed up until dawn digging through the avalanche of paperwork which buried her in the aftermath of yesterday's Angel attack. Now the all-nighter was taking its toll. She yawned and envisioned her futon... once she got home she was going to drink a beer or ten, take a hot bath, and sleep for the next three days.

The mechanism clicked and clacked as its numbered panels counted up to the current floor number and the elevator clambered to a stop. There was a dampened ding as the doors slid open to let out Rei, the elevator's sole occupant. She strode out from behind them and proceeded to circumvent Misato, only making it two steps before Misato grabbed her around the wrist.

"Hold it," Misato commanded.

While Rei rotated to face her, the elevator doors slid shut.

"Where do you think you're going?" Misato questioned.

"To the pilot's locker room," Rei admitted candidly. She had already changed out of her plugsuit. Misato shook her head.

"I don't think so," Misato asserted, a hint of mischief in her voice, "I know what you've been doing."

"What are you talking about?" Rei asked.

"I know that you've been sleeping on the floor in the locker room... and I know that because I found out your apartment was destroyed by the last Angel." Misato divulged. "Just how long did you think you could hide this from me, huh?"

Rei blinked. "I didn't intentionally conceal it; no one asked." she contended, actually seeming to be mildly insulted by the implication that she was keeping secrets.

"You're coming with me," Misato stated bluntly. She depressed the elevator's call button and the doors reopened. Pure shock lit up Rei's face as Misato stepped through the doors, pulling the blue-haired girl along with her.

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"WHAT? Absolutely not! No way! I'd rather sleep outside!" Asuka screamed, pumping her fists up and down as she crossed the kitchen.

Pen-Pen waddled into her path, but she continued to advance. The penguin's eyes bulged. With a frightened squawk, he dove out of her way and slid into his refrigerator sanctum.

Misato sat at the kitchen table with a beer in her hand and a goofy smile on her face. She waved her free hand like she was shooing a fly as she assured the red-haired girl. "Don't worry about it—you'll get used to it in no time! Besides, if not it's only temporary... right, Rei?"

Rei was sitting to Misato's right, back straight, knees together, hands folded in her lap. A bowl of instant curry was placed in front of her, mostly untouched after Rei spent a few seconds reshuffling little bits of it. Her response was a succinct "Yes."

With a huff, Asuka crossed her arms and turned her back to Misato. She pouted, then looked at Rei and furrowed her brow.
“Well... if it's only for a couple of days." she conceded.

Misato chugged the last bit of her beer and slammed the empty can down on the table. The corner of her mouth curled into a sly smirk.
"Unless, of course, she likes it and decides to stay permanently."

Throwing her hands in the air as she spun around, Asuka whined, "Misato, you can't do that!" 
She clasped her hands together in a gesture of humility and turned Shinji, who sat at the table opposite Rei. Doing her best puppy-dog eyes, Asuka pleaded to her male roommate, "Shinji! Please, help me! Don't let her do this!"

"Sorry, Asuka, but I actually agree with Ms. Misato. Ayanami does need a place to stay, after all." Shinji answered, his eyes shut in contrition as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

Asuka's arms dropped and her hands found her hips.
"Fine!" she declared, "I'm going to the room now, and I'm dividing it in half. If Wonder Girl ever steps FOOT on my side, I cannot be held responsible for what happens to her." Once she concluded, she clomped off to her bedroom and slid the door shut as hard as she could.

"Things sure will be lively with another roommate here, won't they?" Misato laughed, standing up from her chair to retrieve another beer.

Shinji nodded meekly. Rei stared ahead vacantly.

Pulling a cold beer from the fridge, Misato popped the tab and twisted her body to close the fridge door with her hip.
“Well, since that's been worked out, I'm gonna get some sleep. I'll see you two later," she said with a smile before exiting the kitchen. She shuffled into the bedroom and flopped face-first onto the futon without bothering to close the door.

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Gendo wasn't sure how long he'd been in that black room. It was an isolation chamber: the lightless, windowless space functioned almost like a sensory deprivation tank after a while—minutes could seem like hours... it became harder for one to make such distinctions when robbed of any frame of reference. This was obviously meant to unnerve those brought in for interrogation. He wasn't so easily rattled.

"I'm curious as to why you chose a child to assist in the progression of Project-E, in these late stages of the undertaking." Gendo commented.

Keel propped his elbows up on the table and linked his hands.
"Yours is not to ask why, Ikari." he boomed, tilting his hands toward Gendo, "Yours is to act within our scenario, according to our script."

"To ensure our plans are brought to fruition." put forth the thin, bespectacled man to the right.

"This is why we provide you with funding. Leave the important decisions to SEELE." the chairman cautioned.

The other members nodded simultaneously to silently affirm this, and the committee vanished as the room went black.

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A metallic clattering sound from the next room stirred Sagiri from his rest. Groggy, he rolled over and tumbled to the floor. It took him a moment to understand he had fallen off the couch. He had no recollection of going to sleep.

Summoned by the thudding of his body hitting the hardwood, Hinoki rushed into the room and knelt by his side.
"What happened?" she asked, cupping her hands under his arms to help him off the floor.

"I rolled off the couch." he moaned as he climbed to his feet. "What was that noise?"

"I'm just putting away some things in the kitchen." Hinoki answered.

"I meant to ask you," Sagiri began, glancing around at the veritable cityscape of cardboard boxes still remaining, "Where did all this stuff come from?" 
He patted the couch to his left. "This is new, too."

Hinoki clapped her palms together in front of her lap and frowned. "I'm sorry... are you mad?"

"No, it's just not a good time to be buying a lot of random stuff right now." he responded, "I know I've got this new job, but we had to relocate on such short notice, and now I need a new computer..."

A devilish look crept over Hinoki's face. "Well now that you're up, how about helping me unpack?"

Despite Sagiri's weariness, he stayed up for another three hours helping Hinoki unpack box after box. Over time, the empty apartment was steadily transfigured into a welcoming home. While they worked they talked: they conversed about their respective arrivals to New Tokyo-3; they waxed philosophic about their hopes and dreams, and about nothing in particular.

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Thick strands of gray smoke hung in the air like lace as Ritsuko smashed the lipstick-stained butt of her cigarette into the overflowing ashtray. The halls were eerily quiet aside from the persistent, ubiquitous hum of a thousand nameless machines. She must have been one of the last few people still there... even Maya had gone home, after Ritsuko repeatedly insisted she'd be okay by herself.
From her computer screen, the shapes of complex waveforms taunted her. She was missing something, and it was probably hiding in plain sight.

She clicked the filtered sound file again and closed her eyes as it played, letting the whoosh of the rushing wind fill her ears and listening intently.
When it finished playing, she opened her eyes again and gasped. There was a figure standing behind her, reflected in the computer screen. Startled, she spun her chair around to see the outline of a man silhouetted in the doorframe.

"Well if it isn't my favourite blonde." came the unmistakable voice of Ryoji Kaji.

Feeling the tension leave her shoulders, Ritsuko exhaled a breath of relief. She relaxed in her seat as Kaji stepped through the door and his rugged features came into view.
“Please, you know my hair is just as fake as everything else about me." she sighed, adjusting her glasses.

"Well I haven't had the pleasure of being able to check for myself, but..." Kaji said suggestively, intentionally trailing off as he circled around her. He put one hand on the back of her chair.

Ritsuko gently backed him up with a finger pressed to his chest. "That's not what I mean." she chuckled, rolling her eyes.

He looked her up and down and intoned, "The rest of you looks real from what I can see."

"I'm a fraud," Ritsuko insisted, "I can't figure this out... I don't know what I'm doing." she complained, nodding toward the computer. She arched her neck back and sighed, "I tried so hard to be different from my mother, but ended up becoming her anyway."

"Sounds like you're dealing with a bout of imposter syndrome." Kaji remarked. "You're better than you think you are."

Dropping her head again, Ritsuko gave Kaji a weak smile and turned her chair back toward the computer.
“Maybe... I guess there's no point in asking what you're doing here so late?" she wondered.

"When else would we get the chance to be alone together, Ritsu?" he purred, and bent down to slip his arms around her neck. His face was next to hers, his head almost on her shoulder.

Ritsuko could smell his cologne; feel his stubble scratch against her cheek, tickling her. She absentmindedly nuzzled into him for a second, then realised he was trying to look at her screen.
“So it wouldn't have anything to do with a certain project?" she inquired. With a shrugging motion, she wrested her shoulder from under his chin.

Kaji stood up. "I don't know what you're talking about." he claimed. Although Ritsuko couldn't see his face now, she could practically hear him winking.

"That's what I figured." Ritsuko replied as she returned her hands to the keyboard.

"Try to get some sleep, Ritsu." he said, and patted her shoulder.

She placed her hand atop his. "Goodnight, Kaji."

His hand slipped out from under hers. In the reflection on her screen, Ritsuko watched his silhouette disappear around the corner of the doorframe, leaving behind only the scent of his cologne. A few ghostly wisps of smoke still lingered in the air. She lit another cigarette and clicked the next audio file.

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By the time the morning sun began to peak its head over the horizon, Sagiri and Hinoki had made significant progress in putting away their belongings.

Sagiri flopped down on the new couch and stifled a yawn. "Well, Hinoki, I think that's just about all I can handle for now." He sprawled out across the cushions. "I've gotta get up in a couple hours."

"That's okay. I appreciate the help. We really got a lot done," she commended him, folding up a recently emptied box. She walked to the kitchen and stacked it on top of the others. The pile seemed to have grown exponentially overnight. As she walked back into the living room, she caught sight of a data disk that had been carelessly slid to the back of the counter. She grabbed the disk as she rounded the doorway.
“What's this?" she inquired, holding it up and waving it between two fingers.

"Just something I'm supposed to work on at home," he answered, "The Major gave it to me last night."

"But you don't have a computer right now." she reminded him.

Sagiri stretched and yawned, "It's no big deal... Don't…worry about it."

"Isn't it important?" she asked.

"Not… really…" he muttered, and drifted off to sleep.

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A city, growing. Sprouting from the earth, like a garden of so many steel flowers. 
A truly dead sea. A red sea, red lake. A pool of blood. An open wound, an... eye? A red eye. 

The same city, same angle, sinking into the ground. Same footage in reverse. Sucked under, pulled below the surface. Drowning. The skyline inverts. Sirens wail like lost children. 
A flutter of wings. Birds flocking, flittering, scatter startled from power lines. Empty streets stretch on to the distant horizon, over the edges of the world, into literal nowhere. 

In the third row of the audience, Yori Yugiri sat by himself, apparently alone in the theatre. He watched himself on the screen, wandering aimlessly through the irrational, ever-changing scenery.

A giant of light. Luminous body, radiating radial radio waves. Waves of spatial distortion. Glowing geometric shapes, fractals repeating. A cross of light. Pillars pierce the clouds, penetrate heaven. Fog along snowy mountain summits. 

As the film played, and Yori watched himself starring in it, a crushing loneliness descended on him. It seemed to have physical weight, pinning him to his seat.

A red tree, red leaves. An infinite tree, no branches, no roots. One red leaf. Two red eyes. Eternal suffocating eyeless void. 
The city, the same city, framed against intense, immense, brilliant moon. The moon over the ocean. The ebb and flow of the tides. Somewhere on the water, she stands. A girl, with short blue hair. She is the light; is the moon; is the water. 

Yori reached out for her, but found there was nothing he could touch. His hand passed through open air.

~~~

Yori woke up to find himself looking at the cracked white stucco ceiling of his foster home in Yokohama. He inhaled the stale air deeply and squeezed his eyes shut, straining to retain the details of the dream. No matter how hard he thought, he couldn't recall many specifics—other than an ineffable uncanny feeling, it was largely just a montage of nebulous shapes.

A wedge of bright, white light streamed in through the opening in the curtains. There was no point in trying to go back to sleep now.
He rolled onto his side and threw out his left hand, fumbling around for his glasses. When he felt their wire frame between his fingers, he picked them up and slipped them onto his face. Standing up, he ambled toward the window and tossed the curtains aside to look out at the world.

The sun beamed brightly across the bleak expanses of the town, signifying the dawn of a new day.

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つづく

To be continued

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Fly me to the moon 
and let me play among the stars 
Let me see what spring is like 
on Jupiter and Mars 
In other words, hold my hand 
In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my heart with song 
and let me sing forevermore 
You are all I long for; 
all I worship and adore 
In other words, please be true 
In other words, I love you