Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Fundraiser ❯ Fundraiser ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Bastion 
What happens when NERV meets its greatest challenge yet?
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 01.16.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 1.4K | Status: Completed
What happens when NERV meets its greatest challenge yet?
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 01.16.2007 | Pages: 4 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 1.4K | Status: Completed
Fund Raiser
by
Bastion
*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O**O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*
With the stealth of a cat, Gendo entered into the dark privacy
of his office. His siloutte figure glanced back and forth with
nervous anticipation. Gendo prayed under his breath as his
shaking hand reached for the hidden compartment in his desk. He
sighed in relief once his fingers touch the ripply smooth skin
of his prize.
These tempting things were such a delicacy, he remembered the
addictive allure it had when he first experienced its sweet
charms. Their rarity heightened his ecstacy, thinking to
himself, 'It's ashame the Americans quit making these.'
With the impatience of a junky, Gendo greedily digested the
sinful creation of a time of his childhood.
Suddenly, a clicking noise caught Gendo's attention. In great
hast, Gendo regained his usually cold posture as the guard
turned on the lights.
The startled guard nearly jumped upon seeing his boss sitting
calmly at his desk, "Uh, sorry, Mr. Ikari, sir. I thought I
heard a noise coming from this office..."
The guard's voice trailed off as he studied his superiors face,
"Sir, there's a-uh, something black on the corner of your mouth-"
The guard pointed at his own mouth to indicate the same spot on
Gendo's lips.
Gendo could feel a bead of sweat roll down the side of his
face, he had to act quickly and with authority.
"It's nothing. Now go guard the halls. . . or something." The
guard jumped into action at the bite in his boss's voice.
Once the door closed, Gendo smiled and removed the object of
his obcession from under the desk. He admired the long,
cylindrical chocolate covered decadency.
"My little darling, I shall always cherish you."
Gendo shoved the ho-ho down his throat.
*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O**O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*
No one saw it coming. No one could have predicted it. The
horror. The chaos. Oh, the humanity!
"A budget meeting?!" Misato cried as Ritsuko covered her ears.
'Since when did Misato's voice get so squeaky.' Ritsuko
cringed and proceeded to continue her long walk down the hall.
"Yes, for some reason we have exhausted most of the budget for
this year."
"But I thought we had a budget greater than most deficits of
developed countries."
"I know," Ritsuko and Misato stopped in front of the meeting
room doors, "and I intend to find out why."
The meeting room became quiet as the two women entered. Gendo
sat at the end of the elogated table with his ever cold expression and
sunglasses.
'I wonder why he wears those sunglasses all the time?' Misato
pondered as she went over to her seat. 'Maybe they're Raybands.
God knows those are expensive. Either way I'd look better in
them-'
"Misato."
'Heck anything looks better on me-'
"Misato."
'Well. . . as long as it's tight enough.'
"Misato!!!!" Ritsuko screeched.
"What!?" Misato squeaked.
Everyone covered their ears.
"Misato will you please sit down so we can start this meeting."
Ritsuko brooded, her breath ragged and her nails digging into
the surface the table.
Sitting down slowly, Ritsuko eyed Misato moving simultaneously
to her own seat. Once everything became settled, Gendo's advisor, What's-
His-Face, began the meeting.
"Now, as you all know we have a crisis on our hands-"
Without warning, one of the people at the table jumped up
screaming, "OH NO! AN ANGEL HAS PENETRATED INTO OUR BASE!!
ALL OF HUMANITY IS DOOMED! AHHHHH!"
In a flash, the frantic man ran toward a window but, unexpectedly was
stopped cold by something with a greater density than a window.
Gendo's advisor glanced at the unconcious man and then
to Gendo and leaned over to whisper. "Now I understand why you
painted that window there."
Gendo gave a faint smile and the meeting continued.
"So what's the crisis, What's-His-Face?" Misato blinked.
The older man frowned. "For the last time, my name is-"
"We have a budget crisis on our hands." Gendo interrupted leaving his advisor
to pout.
One of the individuals raised his hands, hopeful, "Is that all you had
to say?"
"Um, no. We need to find away to raise more funds to keep from
being shutdown."
Ritsuko raised her hand. "Wait. I thought all of humanity
depended solely on us to rescue them from complete anihilation?"
What's-His-Face shrugged. "Capitalism, who knew?"
"Did you find out where all the money went?" Misato blurted
out.
Gendo's advisor in crime smiled politely. "The accountants are
currently looking into the matter."
Gendo fantasized about swimming through a huge lake of ho-hos.
"I promise you, we will find out where all the funds have
disappeared to."
Gendo began to calculate the expenses he would need to make a
lake of ho-hos.
Ritsuko raised her hand once more. "Why is Gendo drooling?"
Gendo's advisor nudged his friend back to reality and
Gendo ressumed his cold, distant demeanor that he knew everyone had come
to love.
"As I was saying, we need to raise more funds to stay afloat.
Suggestions are welcome."
"Well," pondered Kaji while rubbing his rough, unshaven face,
"we would need something that we could produce a lot of and was
very popular among the public."
Everyone stared in dumb amazement at Kaji.
Kaji stared back nervously. "What?"
"It's nothing," Misato began, "it's just that, well, you know. . ."
"Ah." Realization came to Kaji. "The black crow caws twice in the twilight
of a new age of humanity. Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot. Niner. Over."
"That was pretty good." Ritsuko nodded.
"You really think so?" Kaji blushed. "I was going to throw in a quote
from Deuteronomy so we could meet the religious reference quota, but I thought
maybe that would be a little too over the top."
"Nah you're right." Ritsuko smiled.
"Awww, thanks." Kaji rubbed the back of his head, embarassed.
Suddenly, Misato slammed her fist on the table, stopping their conversation.
"Alright you two! Quit it! You're not even a canon pairing!"
Everyone around the table nodded and murmured in agreement.
"Oh yeah."
"That's right."
"I agree, Ritsuko is a real bitch."
Instantly, Ritsuko eyed the room. "Who said that?"
Before anyone could point fingers at each other, Gendo loudly cleared
his throat calling attention to himself because well, he was the star of this
show after all, he reasoned.
"Hmmmmmm." Gendo 'Hmmmm'ed.
"Do you have an idea o' Master Gendo?" Ritsuko asked with
great admiration in her twinkling eyes.
"Yes, I do." Gendo replied dryly, adding quietly. "But please
don't call me that in public."
Gendo stood and addressed the table. "I believe I have the
solution to all our troubles."
*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O**O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*
Shinji looked down the list of supplies he needed to get from
the store.
'Let's see beer, milk, eggs, butter, beer, peanuts, spam, bean,
bacon, beer, spam, beer, spam, beer, spam, lettuce, 7" zucchini-'
"Since when does Misato make any dishes with zucchini?" Then Shinji
remembered that Misato was going out on a date tonight and regretted asking
the question. Well, only slightly.
Walking down the isle of the grocery store, he decided to check
out what was new with the magazine rack. Searching through all
the publications devoted to the lastest teen pop bands with
exposed oblonged abdomens and weird looking goatees, he saw his favorite
magazine.
Teen Angst Monthly.
Shinji flipped through it nonchalantly. It was 'Hate your
Father month' and he hoped his letter got published. What
he found instead, shocked him to the, ahem, bone.
It was an ad, but an ad he never thought he would ever see.
"Are you lonely?" It read. "Girls won't come near you? You spend too
much time playing online RPG games instead of socializing? Paraniod
that Canada will invade before the Angels kill off mankind?"
Below the writing was a picture of Rei in her plugsuit.
"Then worry no more, with your very own Rei! She's obedient!
She's quiet! And she's the perfect accessory to your teenage angst anyday!
Only $1299.99 with shipping and handling, comes complete with
plugsuit and status capsule!"
Shinji dropped the magazine and stared at the ad glaring right back
at him. He wondered if his dad could loan him thirteen grand.
Finito!
Eva is property of Gainax and Ho-Hos are property of Hostess.
They ain't mine, and I have the lent in my pockets to prove it!
See yoots later my fellow crazy people!
Bastion
by
Bastion
*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O**O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*
With the stealth of a cat, Gendo entered into the dark privacy
of his office. His siloutte figure glanced back and forth with
nervous anticipation. Gendo prayed under his breath as his
shaking hand reached for the hidden compartment in his desk. He
sighed in relief once his fingers touch the ripply smooth skin
of his prize.
These tempting things were such a delicacy, he remembered the
addictive allure it had when he first experienced its sweet
charms. Their rarity heightened his ecstacy, thinking to
himself, 'It's ashame the Americans quit making these.'
With the impatience of a junky, Gendo greedily digested the
sinful creation of a time of his childhood.
Suddenly, a clicking noise caught Gendo's attention. In great
hast, Gendo regained his usually cold posture as the guard
turned on the lights.
The startled guard nearly jumped upon seeing his boss sitting
calmly at his desk, "Uh, sorry, Mr. Ikari, sir. I thought I
heard a noise coming from this office..."
The guard's voice trailed off as he studied his superiors face,
"Sir, there's a-uh, something black on the corner of your mouth-"
The guard pointed at his own mouth to indicate the same spot on
Gendo's lips.
Gendo could feel a bead of sweat roll down the side of his
face, he had to act quickly and with authority.
"It's nothing. Now go guard the halls. . . or something." The
guard jumped into action at the bite in his boss's voice.
Once the door closed, Gendo smiled and removed the object of
his obcession from under the desk. He admired the long,
cylindrical chocolate covered decadency.
"My little darling, I shall always cherish you."
Gendo shoved the ho-ho down his throat.
*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O**O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*
No one saw it coming. No one could have predicted it. The
horror. The chaos. Oh, the humanity!
"A budget meeting?!" Misato cried as Ritsuko covered her ears.
'Since when did Misato's voice get so squeaky.' Ritsuko
cringed and proceeded to continue her long walk down the hall.
"Yes, for some reason we have exhausted most of the budget for
this year."
"But I thought we had a budget greater than most deficits of
developed countries."
"I know," Ritsuko and Misato stopped in front of the meeting
room doors, "and I intend to find out why."
The meeting room became quiet as the two women entered. Gendo
sat at the end of the elogated table with his ever cold expression and
sunglasses.
'I wonder why he wears those sunglasses all the time?' Misato
pondered as she went over to her seat. 'Maybe they're Raybands.
God knows those are expensive. Either way I'd look better in
them-'
"Misato."
'Heck anything looks better on me-'
"Misato."
'Well. . . as long as it's tight enough.'
"Misato!!!!" Ritsuko screeched.
"What!?" Misato squeaked.
Everyone covered their ears.
"Misato will you please sit down so we can start this meeting."
Ritsuko brooded, her breath ragged and her nails digging into
the surface the table.
Sitting down slowly, Ritsuko eyed Misato moving simultaneously
to her own seat. Once everything became settled, Gendo's advisor, What's-
His-Face, began the meeting.
"Now, as you all know we have a crisis on our hands-"
Without warning, one of the people at the table jumped up
screaming, "OH NO! AN ANGEL HAS PENETRATED INTO OUR BASE!!
ALL OF HUMANITY IS DOOMED! AHHHHH!"
In a flash, the frantic man ran toward a window but, unexpectedly was
stopped cold by something with a greater density than a window.
Gendo's advisor glanced at the unconcious man and then
to Gendo and leaned over to whisper. "Now I understand why you
painted that window there."
Gendo gave a faint smile and the meeting continued.
"So what's the crisis, What's-His-Face?" Misato blinked.
The older man frowned. "For the last time, my name is-"
"We have a budget crisis on our hands." Gendo interrupted leaving his advisor
to pout.
One of the individuals raised his hands, hopeful, "Is that all you had
to say?"
"Um, no. We need to find away to raise more funds to keep from
being shutdown."
Ritsuko raised her hand. "Wait. I thought all of humanity
depended solely on us to rescue them from complete anihilation?"
What's-His-Face shrugged. "Capitalism, who knew?"
"Did you find out where all the money went?" Misato blurted
out.
Gendo's advisor in crime smiled politely. "The accountants are
currently looking into the matter."
Gendo fantasized about swimming through a huge lake of ho-hos.
"I promise you, we will find out where all the funds have
disappeared to."
Gendo began to calculate the expenses he would need to make a
lake of ho-hos.
Ritsuko raised her hand once more. "Why is Gendo drooling?"
Gendo's advisor nudged his friend back to reality and
Gendo ressumed his cold, distant demeanor that he knew everyone had come
to love.
"As I was saying, we need to raise more funds to stay afloat.
Suggestions are welcome."
"Well," pondered Kaji while rubbing his rough, unshaven face,
"we would need something that we could produce a lot of and was
very popular among the public."
Everyone stared in dumb amazement at Kaji.
Kaji stared back nervously. "What?"
"It's nothing," Misato began, "it's just that, well, you know. . ."
"Ah." Realization came to Kaji. "The black crow caws twice in the twilight
of a new age of humanity. Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot. Niner. Over."
"That was pretty good." Ritsuko nodded.
"You really think so?" Kaji blushed. "I was going to throw in a quote
from Deuteronomy so we could meet the religious reference quota, but I thought
maybe that would be a little too over the top."
"Nah you're right." Ritsuko smiled.
"Awww, thanks." Kaji rubbed the back of his head, embarassed.
Suddenly, Misato slammed her fist on the table, stopping their conversation.
"Alright you two! Quit it! You're not even a canon pairing!"
Everyone around the table nodded and murmured in agreement.
"Oh yeah."
"That's right."
"I agree, Ritsuko is a real bitch."
Instantly, Ritsuko eyed the room. "Who said that?"
Before anyone could point fingers at each other, Gendo loudly cleared
his throat calling attention to himself because well, he was the star of this
show after all, he reasoned.
"Hmmmmmm." Gendo 'Hmmmm'ed.
"Do you have an idea o' Master Gendo?" Ritsuko asked with
great admiration in her twinkling eyes.
"Yes, I do." Gendo replied dryly, adding quietly. "But please
don't call me that in public."
Gendo stood and addressed the table. "I believe I have the
solution to all our troubles."
*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O**O.o*o.O*O.o*o.O*O.o*
Shinji looked down the list of supplies he needed to get from
the store.
'Let's see beer, milk, eggs, butter, beer, peanuts, spam, bean,
bacon, beer, spam, beer, spam, beer, spam, lettuce, 7" zucchini-'
"Since when does Misato make any dishes with zucchini?" Then Shinji
remembered that Misato was going out on a date tonight and regretted asking
the question. Well, only slightly.
Walking down the isle of the grocery store, he decided to check
out what was new with the magazine rack. Searching through all
the publications devoted to the lastest teen pop bands with
exposed oblonged abdomens and weird looking goatees, he saw his favorite
magazine.
Teen Angst Monthly.
Shinji flipped through it nonchalantly. It was 'Hate your
Father month' and he hoped his letter got published. What
he found instead, shocked him to the, ahem, bone.
It was an ad, but an ad he never thought he would ever see.
"Are you lonely?" It read. "Girls won't come near you? You spend too
much time playing online RPG games instead of socializing? Paraniod
that Canada will invade before the Angels kill off mankind?"
Below the writing was a picture of Rei in her plugsuit.
"Then worry no more, with your very own Rei! She's obedient!
She's quiet! And she's the perfect accessory to your teenage angst anyday!
Only $1299.99 with shipping and handling, comes complete with
plugsuit and status capsule!"
Shinji dropped the magazine and stared at the ad glaring right back
at him. He wondered if his dad could loan him thirteen grand.
Finito!
Eva is property of Gainax and Ho-Hos are property of Hostess.
They ain't mine, and I have the lent in my pockets to prove it!
See yoots later my fellow crazy people!
Bastion