Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Geo Dome ❯ Geo Dome ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: PerfectCarrot 
What if Shinji Ikari was a different kind of loser.
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.10.2004 | Pages: 16 | Words: 7.0K | Visits: 950 | Status: Work In Progress
What if Shinji Ikari was a different kind of loser.
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.10.2004 | Pages: 16 | Words: 7.0K | Visits: 950 | Status: Work In Progress
I've read all sorts of stories where
Shinji becomes a badass, or isn't such a
weenie loser somehow or another. So I
thought about it for a while. "What if
Shinji was a different kind of loser?"
This is the result. Heh...
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Geo Dome
A CarrotGlace fic. ^_^
Chapter One: Angel Attack!
The Year 2015 AD...
"Damn! Why did I have to lose him at
a time like this?" Muttered Misato
Katsuragi as she drove through the empty
streets of Tokyo 3. She frowned as she
looked at the photo on the folder in the
seat next to her. The name Shinji Ikari
was printed on the bottom, and a
scraggly looking boy in a school uniform
stared back at her with a sort of daze
in his eyes. He had a mop of shaggy
brown hair that seemed to stick up in
every direction, and was holding his
fingers up in a rather stupid looking
pose.
++++++++++++++
Shinji looked at the phone receiver
in his hand and snickered loudly. "Heh.
Check this out..." He was wearing loose
blue jeans, a Metallica T-shirt, and a
pair of untied tennis shoes.
Standing next to him was a boy of
about the same age. He was dressed much
the same, except his jeans were torn at
the knees, and his shirt was a ragged
looking black shirt with a huge Eric
Cartman on the front. The phrase 'Hell
yeah, I want cheesy Poofs!" was written
across the bottom. He had long brown
hair tied into a messy ponytail that
hung to the middle of his back, the rest
of it looked as uncombed as Shinji did.
Both teens were wearing backpacks with
various patches sewn onto them. Shinji's
friend also had a worn looking
skateboard held in his hand. He giggled
and put his ear up to the phone.
"We're sorry, all lines have been
disconnected."
"Man, bummer," grumbled Shinji's
companion.
"This sucks," muttered Shinji as he
tried another number with the same
results.
The pair was looking at the address on
the building across from them and had a
phone book in their laps. They were
trying to order pizza's to be delivered
to the home.
"No pies in this place? What if I get
hungry later?" grumbled Shinji's friend.
"Come on Squeal. I'm seriously
reconsidering this place. Pop wanted to
see me, but if I can't grub, I'm so
gone." He sighed and hung his head.
"Well, I hate to agree, but if your old
man can't even get a decent pie
delivered, I say we bail." Squeal
shrugged and flipped a pair of silver
rimmed sunglasses on his face. "Come on
Bud."
"What about the babe?" asked Shinji as
he pulled out the photo of Misato he had
in his pocket.
Squeal blinked. "Dude! I almost forgot!"
He slapped himself on the forehead.
"Man, look at those things!" He peered
at the woman's cleavage and grinned
dumbly. Misato had kissed the photo and
was in a leaning pose. She had drawn an
arrow to her cleavage with the caption.
"Check these out!" written off to the
side.
"So...we stay here then?"
"Excellent," agreed Shinji.
The pair's celebration was cut short
as something similar to a sonic boom
suddenly ripped through the air. Power
lines wavered and doors and windows
shook violently from the force.
Squeal blinked and looked around for
a moment while Shinji held his hears.
"What was that?" asked Squeal
calmly.
The pair turned as several fighter
aircraft with UN markings flew backwards
into their view from behind several
buildings. A dull thumping sound seemed
to hit the ground as a huge creature;
easily ten stories tall lumbered just
after them into their line of sight.
"Dude. How long ago?" asked Squeal
as he peered at the scene.
"I dunno, maybe an hour?" muttered
Shinji.
Squeal took a small bag out of his
pocket and peered into it for a moment.
He arched his eyebrow and looked over at
Shinji. "Dude, this is some good shit."
"Score!" agreed Shinji as he high
fived his friend.
"Should we make another one, or wait
until it wears off?" said Squeal as he
fumbled around his pocket.
"Dude. You gotta ask?" said Shinji
with a surprised frown.
"Right!" agreed Squeal as he nodded
and produced rolling paper from his
pocket. Within a few seconds, he had
skillfully rolled a joint with one hand
and licked it sealed. He started to pat
his pockets down and frowned. "I know I
got..."
Shinji smiled and produced a
lighter. "Dude, I got it!"
The pair grinned at each other and
lit the joint. Passing it between one
another as they watched the monster walk
by. Within a few seconds, a missile
blasted down the street just over their
heads and they watched it calmly.
"Whoa!" muttered Shinji as he leaned
forward to look at it with his eyes
squinted slightly.
"Excellent vintage my friend, this
was a good year," said Squeal happily as
he sucked on the joint.
Explosions rocked the sky in front
of them, and the pair acted as if they
were watching a fireworks display.
Hooting and hollering cheerfully.
The giant creature jumped into the
air, landing on top of one of the planes
as it crashed down no more than ten feet
in front of them. There was an explosion
and the boy's covered their faces.
"Um, maybe we should go?" said
Squeal as he looked at his friends.
Shinji blinked and looked at the
vehicle that had moved in front of them,
blocking the shrapnel from the
explosion. "Dude, it's the babe!"
:"Huh?" muttered the boy as he
turned his head and looked at Misato.
She had the door opened and blinked
in surprise. "Um, which one of you is
Shinji Ikari?"
Shinji raised his hand and grinned
at her.
"You'll have to come with me," she
said.
"Cool," said Squeal cheerfully.
"Not you! Just him!" said Misato
irritably.
"He don't go, I don't go," replied
Shinji with a small shrug.
Misato looked out her windshield and
cursed nervously as the thing stood
overhead. "Fine! No time to argue!"
"After you!" said Shinji cheerfully.
"No! I insist!" said Squeal as he
bowed and waved his arms.
Shinji repeated the gesture. "No! I
insist!"
"Get in the goddamn car!" screamed
Misato as she pulled Shinji in by his
collar. Squeal hopped in beside him and
ended up on his lap in a rather
uncomfortable position. The pair fumbled
about as Misato slammed the door shut
and drove off, narrowly missing being
stepped on by the huge monster.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
snapped the woman as she glared at the
pair. "We could have been killed!"
Squeal had his knee in Shinji's
face, and his head was on the floor. His
face was completely red from the blood
rushing into his head. "Cool, I can hear
my brain when I'm like this!"
"Move!" grumbled Shinji; "Your elbow
is crushing my wang dude!"
"Sorry," muttered Squeal as he
scrambled upright. He grabbed the
steering wheel as he righted himself and
forced Misato to almost drive off the
road.
She screamed as they veered towards
the edge of a nearby cliff and narrowly
nicked the guardrail that separated them
from the drop. Sparks flew from the
fender as she forcibly corrected the
turn.
"Watch it you jerk!" she snapped
angrily.
The boy grinned at her and climbed
into the back seat.
"So, you must be Shinji," she
muttered after she had taken a moment to
control herself.
"Sclortch!"
"Yeah. Hi!" replied the boy
cheerfully. There appeared to be
something wrong with him, but she
couldn't put her finger on it.
"Sclortch!"
"Who the hell is that?" she growled
as she looked at him for a moment. His
photo made him look much more clean cut
than he looked at the moment.
"Huh? Oh, that's just Squeal,"
replied the boy.
"Sclortch!"
"Squeal?" muttered Misato dumbly.
"Yeah, my cousin. I've been staying
with my Uncle," said the boy with a
small shrug. "That blowhard old fart.
Still ain't as bad as my old man
though."
"Sclortch!"
"Fine! What the hell is he doing
here?" snapped Misato.
"Riding in your car?" said Shinji
after a moment of thought.
"No you idiot! Why is he here!?" she
growled angrily.
"Sclor-"
Misato reached back and snatched a
canister from Squeal's hand.
"Wrt?" muttered the boy through a
mouthful of orange sludge.
"Stop that!" she snapped angrily.
She tossed the can of Cheez Whiz out the
window irritably and glared at him.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Riding in your car?" replied the
boy cheerfully.
Misato growled and her eye twitched.
"Why did you come?" asked Shinji.
"What? And stay with my old man
alone? Without you?" said Squeal with a
surprised blink.
"Oh yeah," agreed Shinji.
"Something is up," grumbled Misato
as she pulled over to the side of the
road. She leaned out the window with a
pair of binoculars in her grasp. Squeal
and Shinji had their heads sticking out
of the window underneath her arms on
either side of her. Neither was paying
any attention to what she was looking
at. Their gazes were fixed on her chest.
"These aren't as big in real life as
they looked in that picture, still
doable though," said Squeal.
"Yeah, it is kinda disappointing
though," agreed Shinji. "Seven out of
ten."
"Bud! Harsh! She's at least an
eight!" said Squeal.
Misato's lip twitched as she
continued to peer through the lenses of
the binoculars and conked the both of
them on their heads with one swift
motion of her right arm.
"Ouch," muttered Shinji as he rubbed
the spot where he had been struck.
"You're right, she's a seven,":
grumbled Squeal.
Misato blinked as she noticed the
aircraft pull away suddenly. "Oh shit!
They're gonna use an N2 mine!"
"Cool!" was the simultaneous reply.
"Get down!" she cried as she forced
them back into the vehicle.
There was a flash of light in the
distance, nothing happened for a moment,
and then the shockwave hit. The car was
literally tossed and rolled on its side
for about twenty yards. It stopped on
its side and the trio peered out the
window again, with the shockwave blowing
their hair back.
"Awesome!" said the two boys as they
stared at the scene in awe.
"I think I ate a worm," said Squeal.
"I definitely got some gravel,"
muttered Shinji as he spit out a
mouthful of dirt.
"Stop complaining! Help me push!"
snapped Misato.
The boys looked at her and then back
at each other. After a moment, they
burst into laughter.
"Dude! Your ride is totaled!" cried
Squeal as he pointed at the car.
Misato growled angrily.
+++++++++++++++++
Shinji and Squeal looked slightly
beaten and had several lumps on their
heads as they put their backs against
the car.
"Ouch," muttered Squeal.
"I say she's a six now," grumbled
Shinji.
"Shut up and push!" snapped Misato
as she tapped her foot on the ground.
The boys grunted in effort as they
dug their feet into the ground. Squeal
and Shinji tried several different
positions as they attempted to right the
car. Squeal rammed it with his shoulder
a few times before he fell to the ground
clutching his arm, and Shinji tried
pushing it with his hands, succeeding in
digging two foot long trenches into the
ground with the soles of his shoes, and
little more.
The pair backed away, both gasping
for breath.
"This is pathetic! What kind of boys
are you?" said Misato dumbly.
The trio looked at the car as it
groaned and started to tilt.
"No!" cried Misato.
It promptly fell over, landing on
the roof of the vehicle rather than the
wheels.
"Guess we ain't takin that car
anywhere," muttered Squeal as he looked
at it for a moment.
Misato was pulling at her hair in
frustration.
++++++++++++++++
"Heh heh! Grand theft Auto!" said
Squeal as he pat the seat he was sitting
on.
"Awesome! We're criminals!" agreed
Shinji cheerfully.
They had hot-wired a small car they
had stumbled across about a mile after
the unfortunate incident involving
Misato's car. She was too caught up in
her own self-pity to notice the pair's
rantings. They were currently playing
air guitar together. "My car!" she
thought to herself. "This stinks! I just
had that car repaired! Thirty-three more
payments to go! And look! My favorite
dress! It's ruined! Ruined! And I looked
so good in it!"
"Hey, Misato,
Misato...MisatoMisatoMisatoMisato..."
"What?!" snapped the woman as she
turned her head to glare at Shinji.
"Misato, we want to know who gets to
be your bitch in prison after we get
arrested for this?" said Squeal
cheerfully.
"That's Miss Katsuragi to you!" she
snapped.
"Lucky bastard," grumbled Shinji as
he frowned at Squeal.
"Heh. It must be my animal magnets!"
He pulled out a chicken and cow set of
refrigerator magnets from his pocket and
stuck his tongue out at Shinji.
"AAAARRRRRGGGG!" screamed Misato in
frustration.
++++++++++++++++++
"Nerv?" said Shinji as he looked at
the doorway to the vehicle transport
rail they had just entered.
"Yeah," said the woman with a
slightly frustrated sigh.
"This is where Pop works?" said
Shinji.
"Doesn't make sense, Uncle Gendo
used to tell us we got on his nerves all
the time. Why would he want you here? It
sounded like something he didn't like,"
said Squeal with a thoughtful frown.
"Maybe it's one of those 'wait till
you're older' things?" offered Shinji.
"Don't you know what your father
does?" asked Misato.
"No," replied the boy with a small
shrug.
"Didn't your family tell you? Or
your teachers?"
"Teachers?" asked Squeal.
"From school you dope!" snapped
Misato.
"There's teachers at school?" asked
Shinji as he stared at her.
She simply glared at him. "That
explains a lot."
"Um, sure..." muttered Shinji with
an uncertain frown as he scratched his
head.
There was a sudden light and the
pair looked out the window. "Dude! We're
outside!" said Squeal.
"Man, we went underground though!"
agreed Shinji.
"I had no idea that the other side
of the world was so...close," muttered
Squeal as he stared at the trees below
him. "Oh! Prime location!"
Shinji blinked and stared out at
what his friend was pointing at. "Dude!
Excellent!"
All Misato saw was a well-lit patch
of ground surrounded by shrubs with a
small stream flowing nearby. "What?"
"Tell me you at least brought the ID
we sent you with you," grumbled Misato.
"Huh? ID?" asked Shinji.
"Maybe she means that plastic thing
that came in the mail?" asked Squeal as
he poked his cousin in the back.
"Oh yeah!" Shinji pulled out a ratty
looking piece of paper with a small card
clipped to it.
Misato blinked in surprise. It was
more than she was expecting from him at
this point. She sighed and handed him a
folder. "Here, start reading this."
The front page had the words "Top
Secret!" and "Welcome to Nerv" written
on it. Shinji shrugged and took it from
her. "Okay." He opened it up and
blinked. "Too many words."
"Dude! No pictures or anything?"
muttered Squeal as he peered over his
cousin's shoulder.
Misato honked the horn of her car
with her forehead repeatedly.
Shinji and Squeal looked at each
other and grinned before head banging in
time with her.
+++++++++++++++
Misato growled in frustration as she
glared at the idiots standing next to
her. Shinji was grinning like an idiot
with Squeal giggling silently.
"Dude, we're totally lost!" said
Squeal.
"Yeah. Excellent!" agreed Shinji.
"We aren't lost!" snapped Misato.
"Dude, I get the feeling we've been
here before," said Squeal as he glanced
round.
"We haven't!" snapped Misato.
"Really?" said Squeal in genuine
surprise. "Whoa! No way!"
"What's up?" asked Shinji.
Misato growled, but turned her head
to see what he was talking about.
"That means there's another guy
named Squeal, who wrote his name on the
wall just like I did!" cried the boy as
he pointed out a messily scrawled
"Squeal waz here!" in black marker on
one of the walls.
"No way!" gasped Shinji in what
appeared to be genuine awe.
Misato felt the vein in her forehead
pulsing.. She wasn't sure what she was
angrier about, the fact that they
probably believed what they were saying,
that the idiot boy would dare deface
Nerv property, or that he was right
about her being lost.
After a few more minutes of
wandering, the group finally made it to
an elevator. The doors opened and a
blonde woman with short cut hair walked
in and scowled at them. "Are you lost
again Captain?"
Misato jumped into Ritsuko Akagi's
arms and almost kissed her. "Thank god!
I've found you Ritsuko!!"
The woman blinked and blushed
heavily. "What?"
Shinji and Squeal blinked and looked
at her for a moment. They had their
hands stuck under their armpits and were
frozen in the act of making farting
sounds.
"Hey! Another babe!" said Squeal.
"I get to be her prison bitch!" said
Shinji.
"I guess that's fair. I wonder when
the cops will show up and arrest us?"
asked Squeal cheerfully.
"Arrest you?" muttered Ritsuko in
confusion.
"Uh. It's nothing," muttered Misato
nervously as she stepped back.
"For what?" snapped Ritsuko as she
scowled at the woman.
"Grand Theft Auto," replied Squeal.
"What? We don't have time for this!
Come with me!" snapped Ritsuko
irritably.
Squeal and Shinji shrugged and
walked after the new babe.
"Is every chick here this bitchy?"
asked Shinji.
"I dunno, we've been here the same
amount of time," replied Squeal.
"Oh! Oh yeah!" said Shinji as he
seemed to just remember that. "Where are
we again?"
"I dunno," said Squeal with a shrug.
Ritsuko blinked and looked at
Misato. "Are they serious?"
"Probably," grumbled the woman with
a frustrated frown.
++++++++++++++++++
A moment later, the group was riding
an elevator that passed by a gigantic
glass wall that towered into the air
above them. It appeared to be some sort
of tank, and was holding in a sea of
some sort of semi translucent liquid.
Neither of the boy's noticed or
cared. Ritsuko was talking about the
probability of activating something,
while Squeal and Shinji spit off the
edge of the moving platform, aiming at
the workers scurrying around the room
far below them.
"Ha! Got one!" said Shinji
cheerfully.
"Cool, the guy's going all spastic,"
said Squeal cheerfully.
"So it doesn't work?" asked Misato.
"Don't be so foolish. We call it the
O-nine system, as in Oni, a Japanese
devil."
"Devils are pretty cool," commented
Squeal.
Both women glared at him and he
blinked. "What? Do I got a loogie on my
chin?" He wiped his face with his shirt
and they turned away to ignore him.
"What is he doing here?" grumbled
Ritsuko. "You were only supposed to
bring the third child."
"He wouldn't come unless I brought
him," grumbled Misato. "We didn't have
time to argue about it at the time."
"We'll deal with it later," grumbled
Ritsuko. She turned to look at Squeal
and frowned. "He shouldn't be here, he's
not cleared. Commander Ikari is going to
be very upset."
"I didn't have a choice," grumbled
Misato.
They stepped off the platform and
walked through a large automatic door.
It shut behind them and they were in
total darkness.
"Dude! They took us into a dark and
out of the way place!" said Squeal in
shock.
"You mean...?" said Shinji dumbly.
"Yeah. They're going to rape us!"
"Awesome!"
The lights came on and the boy's
were standing in their boxer shorts in
the middle of the room. Misato and
Ritsuko were both twitching in disgusted
shock.
"Dude! Turn out the lights! It's
ruining the moment!" said Squeal as he
puckered his lips. "I'm ready! Take me
gently!" He stuck his tongue out and
closed his eyes while reaching forward
with his hands in a rather disgusting
looking mock kiss.
Shinji was making rather vulgar
looking thrusts with his pelvis, and was
swatting at an imaginary ass in front of
his crotch. "Dude, we're gonna score!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
cried Misato as she backed away.
Squeal seemed to notice something.
"Hey, what's that thing?"
Shinji blinked and turned his head
in the same direction. "A giant face?"
Ritsuko seemed to calm down visibly
as the two boys stared at the thing for
a moment. "This is humanity's last hope,
the synthetic live form known as
Evangelion."
"Cool, giant robots. So, where's the
weenie guys in spandex?" asked Squeal as
he glanced round the room. "Course, they
also gotta have the token babe."
"Excellent!" said Shinji as he
turned towards his friend.
Both women noticed that he was still
quite aroused.
"Put your clothes on!" snapped
Misato as she covered her face in
revulsion.
Shinji and Squeal looked at each
other for a moment, and then turned back
towards her. "Why?" they asked in
unison.
"Just do it!" snapped Ritsuko.
The pair reluctantly started
dressing themselves.
"So...this is like...my old man's
thing?" said Shinji as he peered at it.
"Always knew he was a little weird."
"Correct!" said a firm voice from
above them.
Shinji blinked and turned his gaze
towards the sound. Gendo Ikari was
standing behind a window in an
observation room above them. "Hey. It's
the old man! How's it goin Pop?" he said
cheerfully as he waved to his father.
Gendo let out a small tsk of disgust
at the display. "It's been a while."
"It has?" muttered Shinji as he
thought about it really hard. "Oh yeah."
"Hey Uncle Gendo!" said Squeal as he
waved his arm at the man and grinned.
Gendo ignored him. "We're moving
out."
"What?" gasped Misato. "Unit Zero is
still in cryostasis! Wait a minute!
You're gonna use Unit One?" She seemed
to realize this all at once.
"There's no other choice," said
Ritsuko.
"Now wait! Rei can't do it yet can
she? We don't have a pilot!" cried
Misato. She was praying very hard that
her suspicions weren't true.
"We just received one," replied
Ritsuko.
Misato almost passed out. "You can't
mean that! Look at him!"
Ritsuko ignored her outburst and
turned towards the boy. "Shinji Ikari,
You will pilot it."
"Huh?" said the boy dumbly.
"Ha! You're a spandex weenie!"
guffawed Squeal.
"Pilot what?" said Shinji as he
looked up at the woman dumbly.
"Weren't you paying attention at
all?!" cried Misato angrily.
"Umm..." The boy thought about it
for a long moment. "No?" He really hoped
it was the right answer.
Everyone looked at him in a sort of
horrified shock. Well, Squeal was too
busy trying to remember what they were
talking about.
"You're going to pilot Unit One,"
said Ritsuko firmly.
"You mean that thing?" said Shinji
as a half hidden understanding seemed to
cross over his face. He looked at the
giant head for a moment.
"Yes!" snapped Misato.
"But...I can't even drive," replied
the boy with a sort of shocked awe on
his face.
"You will be instructed," replied
Ritsuko.
"Awesome," muttered the boy as he
stared at the giant head.
"Even Rei Ayanami took seven months
to synchronize with her Eva! It's
impossible for him to do it! He's too
stupid!"
Ritsuko frowned at her. "We just
want him to sit in the pilot's seat. We
don't expect more than that from him."
Misato growled irritably.
Shinji was wandering back and fourth
in front of the thing with a grin on his
face. "Hey! Where's the door? I wanna
try it out!"
There was an explosion outside and
everyone staggered for a moment.
"It's getting close. It must be able
to sense us," commented Gendo.
"Huh?" said Shinji in genuine
confusion.
Squeal shrugged as he looked at him
for a moment and blinked. "Got me. I
dunno what the hell these people are
talkin about."
"We'd best get started," grumbled
Ritsuko.
+++++++++++++++++
"Signal flow terminator, now being
injected," said Maya as she looked at
the readout screen in front of her.
"Entry plug, now being inserted." Misato
and Ritsuko were standing behind her in
the control room, watching the events
unfold.
As this was going on, a long tube-
like object was being plugged into the
Eva's back. It screwed into place and
the back closed up.
Inside the machine, Shinji was
sitting at the controls cheerfully. He
was jerking on what seemed to be the
control handles impatiently. "This is so
awesome!" He was almost giddy with
excitement.
"Filling the entry plug," said a
feminine voice from one of the interior
speakers.
"Huh?" muttered Shinji as he watched
a liquid begin to fill up the space he
was sitting in. "Hey!"
"Are we there yet?" asked Squeal as
he poked his head from behind the seat.
"Shhhh!" snapped Shinji as he shoved
him back behind him. The liquid went
over his head and he blinked. He
couldn't remember if he could breathe
underwater or not. "Um..." Bubbles
escaped his mouth as he spoke. He
remembered that he couldn't.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"Shinji, relax. Once the LCL
saturates your lungs, your blood will be
oxygenated directly. You'll get used to
it," said Ritsuko's voice.
"Huh? This stuff tastes like bong
water," he muttered with a thoughtful
frown. "Excellent." He shook his head in
a positive manner as he sucked up the
liquid from around him greedily.
"Shinji, stop breathing so hard. We
can't get a good reading," said Ritsuko
irritably.
"Huh? Dang," grumbled the boy as he
sighed and calmed down a bit.
There was a lot of commotion
outside. Shinji blinked and glanced
around. "Wild."
"Connecting Main Power! All circuits
transmitting!" said a male voice
outside.
"Connecting secondary contacts,"
said a feminine voice.
Shinji heard a bit more tecnobabble
that made no sense to him and watched
all the pretty colors that shined around
him as the innards of the thing came to
life. "Whoah!"
"Dude! We gotta get one of these!"
whispered Squeal.
"Yeah!" agreed Shinji.
+++++++++++++++++
Meanwhile, at the control center.
"What's that flat line?" asked
Misato.
"It's his brainwave pattern," said
Ritsuko in shock. "I think there's
something wrong..."
"All systems nominal, we're
connected," said Maya in confusion.
"That can't be, I'm barely getting
enough for a reading!"
"You mean...he's really this
stupid?" said Ritsuko in horror.
"The pattern is weak, but we've got
enough to attempt a connection," said
Maya nervously. "Should we proceed?"
"We have no choice," growled
Ritsuko.
"There's something else in the
system," said Maya as she glanced at the
screen in front of her. "It isn't
presenting any problems, but it seems to
be effecting the pilot."
"What?"
"Trace chemicals of some kind, still
active in the bloodstream." Maya blinked
in absolute disbelief. "He's stoned
Ma'am."
"Pardon?" said Ritsuko as she looked
up at the dumbly grinning figure on the
screen in front of her. Shinji looked
dazed and had an awkward smile on his
face.
"Shinji! Are you stoned?" gasped
Misato angrily.
"Like Mick Jagger," he replied
cheerfully. "Ain't it awesome?"
"Use the nanomachines to block it
out!" snapped Ritsuko.
"That isn't a good idea," said Maya.
"What?" said Ritsuko. Suddenly she
realized it. His brain was stimulated at
the moment. The activity they were able
to read now was probably caused by it.
"If we..."
"We might not be able to read him at
all," said Maya with a small nod. "I
don't believe this."
Misato was completely silent, and
merely stared forward in horror.
Suddenly, she blinked. "Where's Squeal?"
"Huh?" said Ritsuko.
"Dude! We're giant robot pilots!"
said Squeal as he poked his head out
from behind Shinji's back. He was behind
the seat and was trying to light a
joint. His lighter didn't work in the
LCL though and he glanced at it. "Dang,
out a juice! This bites!"
"Bogus!" cried Shinji in horror.
"Hey! Do any of you have a lighter?" he
cried into the screen in front of them.
Misato blinked dumbly, and before
she realized what she was doing, she had
pulled one out of her jacket.
Shinji and Squeal were now pressed
up against the screen, trying to reach
for it.
"Dude! A window!" cried Squeal.
"Let's break it!" said Shinji
angrily. The pair started to beat on the
wall inside the Eva.
"How the hell did he get in there?!
Get him out! Now!" snapped Ritsuko.
"Ummm..." said Maya quietly.
"Don't tell me, please don't tell
me," she muttered as she turned her
glare towards the woman. Maya was
blushing badly and looked down at the
floor. "The reading we've been
getting...It's from the both of them. If
we take one of them out..."
"It won't work," said Misato with a
heavy sigh.
"The sync ratio is within forty
percent, with the two of them, it should
work," said Maya nervously.
Ritsuko looked like one of the veins
in her forehead was about to burst.
Misato sighed. "I guess we should
begin."
The hanger bustled with activity as
the Eva was released from its restraints
and maneuvered up to the launch pad on
the wall. Shinji and Squeal were singing
'She's my cherry pie!" together quite
badly inside the unit and ignoring the
goings on outside.
Finally, everything was ready and
Misato turned towards Gendo. The man was
sitting in the back of the control room
with his hands folded in front of his
face. He had been silent up till that
point and merely frowned.
"Can we do this?" muttered Misato.
"Is this really our only hope?"
Gendo snorted at the scene. "Most
unexpected. In any case, we should
proceed. If this fails, then humanity
has no hope."
Misato nodded, a look of firm
conviction on her face. "Evangelion,
Unit One! Launch!"
Shinji and Squeal slammed back into
their seats, screaming bloody murder as
they were forced down by the intense
gravity of the launch. Their entire
world vibrated madly for almost a full
minute. Finally, they slammed to a stop.
"Dude, this water stuff tastes
different," commented Squeal.
"Misato, I think we need to change
this water out. It's all dirty now,"
said Shinji.
"Dude! Sick!" cried Squeal in
horror.
The pair burst into laughter.
"That was awesome!"
A gigantic figure lumbered around
the corner and paused as it noticed the
thing in front of it. It was easily as
tall as one of the buildings and seemed
to consider the Eva for a moment.
Shinji blinked. "What the hell is
that thing?"
"I dunno," replied Squeal. "Looks
pretty awesome though."
"Yeah," agreed Shinji cheerfully.
"Now what?" asked Squeal.
"I dunno, I think we're supposed to
just sit here or something," replied
Shinji. "That's what the chick said
anyway."
"You're supposed to fight it," said
Ritsuko angrily as her face appeared on
the screen in front of them.
The pair blinked and turned to face
one another. "No way!"
++++++++++++++++++++
TBC...
Heh. ^_^;
Shinji becomes a badass, or isn't such a
weenie loser somehow or another. So I
thought about it for a while. "What if
Shinji was a different kind of loser?"
This is the result. Heh...
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Geo Dome
A CarrotGlace fic. ^_^
Chapter One: Angel Attack!
The Year 2015 AD...
"Damn! Why did I have to lose him at
a time like this?" Muttered Misato
Katsuragi as she drove through the empty
streets of Tokyo 3. She frowned as she
looked at the photo on the folder in the
seat next to her. The name Shinji Ikari
was printed on the bottom, and a
scraggly looking boy in a school uniform
stared back at her with a sort of daze
in his eyes. He had a mop of shaggy
brown hair that seemed to stick up in
every direction, and was holding his
fingers up in a rather stupid looking
pose.
++++++++++++++
Shinji looked at the phone receiver
in his hand and snickered loudly. "Heh.
Check this out..." He was wearing loose
blue jeans, a Metallica T-shirt, and a
pair of untied tennis shoes.
Standing next to him was a boy of
about the same age. He was dressed much
the same, except his jeans were torn at
the knees, and his shirt was a ragged
looking black shirt with a huge Eric
Cartman on the front. The phrase 'Hell
yeah, I want cheesy Poofs!" was written
across the bottom. He had long brown
hair tied into a messy ponytail that
hung to the middle of his back, the rest
of it looked as uncombed as Shinji did.
Both teens were wearing backpacks with
various patches sewn onto them. Shinji's
friend also had a worn looking
skateboard held in his hand. He giggled
and put his ear up to the phone.
"We're sorry, all lines have been
disconnected."
"Man, bummer," grumbled Shinji's
companion.
"This sucks," muttered Shinji as he
tried another number with the same
results.
The pair was looking at the address on
the building across from them and had a
phone book in their laps. They were
trying to order pizza's to be delivered
to the home.
"No pies in this place? What if I get
hungry later?" grumbled Shinji's friend.
"Come on Squeal. I'm seriously
reconsidering this place. Pop wanted to
see me, but if I can't grub, I'm so
gone." He sighed and hung his head.
"Well, I hate to agree, but if your old
man can't even get a decent pie
delivered, I say we bail." Squeal
shrugged and flipped a pair of silver
rimmed sunglasses on his face. "Come on
Bud."
"What about the babe?" asked Shinji as
he pulled out the photo of Misato he had
in his pocket.
Squeal blinked. "Dude! I almost forgot!"
He slapped himself on the forehead.
"Man, look at those things!" He peered
at the woman's cleavage and grinned
dumbly. Misato had kissed the photo and
was in a leaning pose. She had drawn an
arrow to her cleavage with the caption.
"Check these out!" written off to the
side.
"So...we stay here then?"
"Excellent," agreed Shinji.
The pair's celebration was cut short
as something similar to a sonic boom
suddenly ripped through the air. Power
lines wavered and doors and windows
shook violently from the force.
Squeal blinked and looked around for
a moment while Shinji held his hears.
"What was that?" asked Squeal
calmly.
The pair turned as several fighter
aircraft with UN markings flew backwards
into their view from behind several
buildings. A dull thumping sound seemed
to hit the ground as a huge creature;
easily ten stories tall lumbered just
after them into their line of sight.
"Dude. How long ago?" asked Squeal
as he peered at the scene.
"I dunno, maybe an hour?" muttered
Shinji.
Squeal took a small bag out of his
pocket and peered into it for a moment.
He arched his eyebrow and looked over at
Shinji. "Dude, this is some good shit."
"Score!" agreed Shinji as he high
fived his friend.
"Should we make another one, or wait
until it wears off?" said Squeal as he
fumbled around his pocket.
"Dude. You gotta ask?" said Shinji
with a surprised frown.
"Right!" agreed Squeal as he nodded
and produced rolling paper from his
pocket. Within a few seconds, he had
skillfully rolled a joint with one hand
and licked it sealed. He started to pat
his pockets down and frowned. "I know I
got..."
Shinji smiled and produced a
lighter. "Dude, I got it!"
The pair grinned at each other and
lit the joint. Passing it between one
another as they watched the monster walk
by. Within a few seconds, a missile
blasted down the street just over their
heads and they watched it calmly.
"Whoa!" muttered Shinji as he leaned
forward to look at it with his eyes
squinted slightly.
"Excellent vintage my friend, this
was a good year," said Squeal happily as
he sucked on the joint.
Explosions rocked the sky in front
of them, and the pair acted as if they
were watching a fireworks display.
Hooting and hollering cheerfully.
The giant creature jumped into the
air, landing on top of one of the planes
as it crashed down no more than ten feet
in front of them. There was an explosion
and the boy's covered their faces.
"Um, maybe we should go?" said
Squeal as he looked at his friends.
Shinji blinked and looked at the
vehicle that had moved in front of them,
blocking the shrapnel from the
explosion. "Dude, it's the babe!"
:"Huh?" muttered the boy as he
turned his head and looked at Misato.
She had the door opened and blinked
in surprise. "Um, which one of you is
Shinji Ikari?"
Shinji raised his hand and grinned
at her.
"You'll have to come with me," she
said.
"Cool," said Squeal cheerfully.
"Not you! Just him!" said Misato
irritably.
"He don't go, I don't go," replied
Shinji with a small shrug.
Misato looked out her windshield and
cursed nervously as the thing stood
overhead. "Fine! No time to argue!"
"After you!" said Shinji cheerfully.
"No! I insist!" said Squeal as he
bowed and waved his arms.
Shinji repeated the gesture. "No! I
insist!"
"Get in the goddamn car!" screamed
Misato as she pulled Shinji in by his
collar. Squeal hopped in beside him and
ended up on his lap in a rather
uncomfortable position. The pair fumbled
about as Misato slammed the door shut
and drove off, narrowly missing being
stepped on by the huge monster.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
snapped the woman as she glared at the
pair. "We could have been killed!"
Squeal had his knee in Shinji's
face, and his head was on the floor. His
face was completely red from the blood
rushing into his head. "Cool, I can hear
my brain when I'm like this!"
"Move!" grumbled Shinji; "Your elbow
is crushing my wang dude!"
"Sorry," muttered Squeal as he
scrambled upright. He grabbed the
steering wheel as he righted himself and
forced Misato to almost drive off the
road.
She screamed as they veered towards
the edge of a nearby cliff and narrowly
nicked the guardrail that separated them
from the drop. Sparks flew from the
fender as she forcibly corrected the
turn.
"Watch it you jerk!" she snapped
angrily.
The boy grinned at her and climbed
into the back seat.
"So, you must be Shinji," she
muttered after she had taken a moment to
control herself.
"Sclortch!"
"Yeah. Hi!" replied the boy
cheerfully. There appeared to be
something wrong with him, but she
couldn't put her finger on it.
"Sclortch!"
"Who the hell is that?" she growled
as she looked at him for a moment. His
photo made him look much more clean cut
than he looked at the moment.
"Huh? Oh, that's just Squeal,"
replied the boy.
"Sclortch!"
"Squeal?" muttered Misato dumbly.
"Yeah, my cousin. I've been staying
with my Uncle," said the boy with a
small shrug. "That blowhard old fart.
Still ain't as bad as my old man
though."
"Sclortch!"
"Fine! What the hell is he doing
here?" snapped Misato.
"Riding in your car?" said Shinji
after a moment of thought.
"No you idiot! Why is he here!?" she
growled angrily.
"Sclor-"
Misato reached back and snatched a
canister from Squeal's hand.
"Wrt?" muttered the boy through a
mouthful of orange sludge.
"Stop that!" she snapped angrily.
She tossed the can of Cheez Whiz out the
window irritably and glared at him.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Riding in your car?" replied the
boy cheerfully.
Misato growled and her eye twitched.
"Why did you come?" asked Shinji.
"What? And stay with my old man
alone? Without you?" said Squeal with a
surprised blink.
"Oh yeah," agreed Shinji.
"Something is up," grumbled Misato
as she pulled over to the side of the
road. She leaned out the window with a
pair of binoculars in her grasp. Squeal
and Shinji had their heads sticking out
of the window underneath her arms on
either side of her. Neither was paying
any attention to what she was looking
at. Their gazes were fixed on her chest.
"These aren't as big in real life as
they looked in that picture, still
doable though," said Squeal.
"Yeah, it is kinda disappointing
though," agreed Shinji. "Seven out of
ten."
"Bud! Harsh! She's at least an
eight!" said Squeal.
Misato's lip twitched as she
continued to peer through the lenses of
the binoculars and conked the both of
them on their heads with one swift
motion of her right arm.
"Ouch," muttered Shinji as he rubbed
the spot where he had been struck.
"You're right, she's a seven,":
grumbled Squeal.
Misato blinked as she noticed the
aircraft pull away suddenly. "Oh shit!
They're gonna use an N2 mine!"
"Cool!" was the simultaneous reply.
"Get down!" she cried as she forced
them back into the vehicle.
There was a flash of light in the
distance, nothing happened for a moment,
and then the shockwave hit. The car was
literally tossed and rolled on its side
for about twenty yards. It stopped on
its side and the trio peered out the
window again, with the shockwave blowing
their hair back.
"Awesome!" said the two boys as they
stared at the scene in awe.
"I think I ate a worm," said Squeal.
"I definitely got some gravel,"
muttered Shinji as he spit out a
mouthful of dirt.
"Stop complaining! Help me push!"
snapped Misato.
The boys looked at her and then back
at each other. After a moment, they
burst into laughter.
"Dude! Your ride is totaled!" cried
Squeal as he pointed at the car.
Misato growled angrily.
+++++++++++++++++
Shinji and Squeal looked slightly
beaten and had several lumps on their
heads as they put their backs against
the car.
"Ouch," muttered Squeal.
"I say she's a six now," grumbled
Shinji.
"Shut up and push!" snapped Misato
as she tapped her foot on the ground.
The boys grunted in effort as they
dug their feet into the ground. Squeal
and Shinji tried several different
positions as they attempted to right the
car. Squeal rammed it with his shoulder
a few times before he fell to the ground
clutching his arm, and Shinji tried
pushing it with his hands, succeeding in
digging two foot long trenches into the
ground with the soles of his shoes, and
little more.
The pair backed away, both gasping
for breath.
"This is pathetic! What kind of boys
are you?" said Misato dumbly.
The trio looked at the car as it
groaned and started to tilt.
"No!" cried Misato.
It promptly fell over, landing on
the roof of the vehicle rather than the
wheels.
"Guess we ain't takin that car
anywhere," muttered Squeal as he looked
at it for a moment.
Misato was pulling at her hair in
frustration.
++++++++++++++++
"Heh heh! Grand theft Auto!" said
Squeal as he pat the seat he was sitting
on.
"Awesome! We're criminals!" agreed
Shinji cheerfully.
They had hot-wired a small car they
had stumbled across about a mile after
the unfortunate incident involving
Misato's car. She was too caught up in
her own self-pity to notice the pair's
rantings. They were currently playing
air guitar together. "My car!" she
thought to herself. "This stinks! I just
had that car repaired! Thirty-three more
payments to go! And look! My favorite
dress! It's ruined! Ruined! And I looked
so good in it!"
"Hey, Misato,
Misato...MisatoMisatoMisatoMisato..."
"What?!" snapped the woman as she
turned her head to glare at Shinji.
"Misato, we want to know who gets to
be your bitch in prison after we get
arrested for this?" said Squeal
cheerfully.
"That's Miss Katsuragi to you!" she
snapped.
"Lucky bastard," grumbled Shinji as
he frowned at Squeal.
"Heh. It must be my animal magnets!"
He pulled out a chicken and cow set of
refrigerator magnets from his pocket and
stuck his tongue out at Shinji.
"AAAARRRRRGGGG!" screamed Misato in
frustration.
++++++++++++++++++
"Nerv?" said Shinji as he looked at
the doorway to the vehicle transport
rail they had just entered.
"Yeah," said the woman with a
slightly frustrated sigh.
"This is where Pop works?" said
Shinji.
"Doesn't make sense, Uncle Gendo
used to tell us we got on his nerves all
the time. Why would he want you here? It
sounded like something he didn't like,"
said Squeal with a thoughtful frown.
"Maybe it's one of those 'wait till
you're older' things?" offered Shinji.
"Don't you know what your father
does?" asked Misato.
"No," replied the boy with a small
shrug.
"Didn't your family tell you? Or
your teachers?"
"Teachers?" asked Squeal.
"From school you dope!" snapped
Misato.
"There's teachers at school?" asked
Shinji as he stared at her.
She simply glared at him. "That
explains a lot."
"Um, sure..." muttered Shinji with
an uncertain frown as he scratched his
head.
There was a sudden light and the
pair looked out the window. "Dude! We're
outside!" said Squeal.
"Man, we went underground though!"
agreed Shinji.
"I had no idea that the other side
of the world was so...close," muttered
Squeal as he stared at the trees below
him. "Oh! Prime location!"
Shinji blinked and stared out at
what his friend was pointing at. "Dude!
Excellent!"
All Misato saw was a well-lit patch
of ground surrounded by shrubs with a
small stream flowing nearby. "What?"
"Tell me you at least brought the ID
we sent you with you," grumbled Misato.
"Huh? ID?" asked Shinji.
"Maybe she means that plastic thing
that came in the mail?" asked Squeal as
he poked his cousin in the back.
"Oh yeah!" Shinji pulled out a ratty
looking piece of paper with a small card
clipped to it.
Misato blinked in surprise. It was
more than she was expecting from him at
this point. She sighed and handed him a
folder. "Here, start reading this."
The front page had the words "Top
Secret!" and "Welcome to Nerv" written
on it. Shinji shrugged and took it from
her. "Okay." He opened it up and
blinked. "Too many words."
"Dude! No pictures or anything?"
muttered Squeal as he peered over his
cousin's shoulder.
Misato honked the horn of her car
with her forehead repeatedly.
Shinji and Squeal looked at each
other and grinned before head banging in
time with her.
+++++++++++++++
Misato growled in frustration as she
glared at the idiots standing next to
her. Shinji was grinning like an idiot
with Squeal giggling silently.
"Dude, we're totally lost!" said
Squeal.
"Yeah. Excellent!" agreed Shinji.
"We aren't lost!" snapped Misato.
"Dude, I get the feeling we've been
here before," said Squeal as he glanced
round.
"We haven't!" snapped Misato.
"Really?" said Squeal in genuine
surprise. "Whoa! No way!"
"What's up?" asked Shinji.
Misato growled, but turned her head
to see what he was talking about.
"That means there's another guy
named Squeal, who wrote his name on the
wall just like I did!" cried the boy as
he pointed out a messily scrawled
"Squeal waz here!" in black marker on
one of the walls.
"No way!" gasped Shinji in what
appeared to be genuine awe.
Misato felt the vein in her forehead
pulsing.. She wasn't sure what she was
angrier about, the fact that they
probably believed what they were saying,
that the idiot boy would dare deface
Nerv property, or that he was right
about her being lost.
After a few more minutes of
wandering, the group finally made it to
an elevator. The doors opened and a
blonde woman with short cut hair walked
in and scowled at them. "Are you lost
again Captain?"
Misato jumped into Ritsuko Akagi's
arms and almost kissed her. "Thank god!
I've found you Ritsuko!!"
The woman blinked and blushed
heavily. "What?"
Shinji and Squeal blinked and looked
at her for a moment. They had their
hands stuck under their armpits and were
frozen in the act of making farting
sounds.
"Hey! Another babe!" said Squeal.
"I get to be her prison bitch!" said
Shinji.
"I guess that's fair. I wonder when
the cops will show up and arrest us?"
asked Squeal cheerfully.
"Arrest you?" muttered Ritsuko in
confusion.
"Uh. It's nothing," muttered Misato
nervously as she stepped back.
"For what?" snapped Ritsuko as she
scowled at the woman.
"Grand Theft Auto," replied Squeal.
"What? We don't have time for this!
Come with me!" snapped Ritsuko
irritably.
Squeal and Shinji shrugged and
walked after the new babe.
"Is every chick here this bitchy?"
asked Shinji.
"I dunno, we've been here the same
amount of time," replied Squeal.
"Oh! Oh yeah!" said Shinji as he
seemed to just remember that. "Where are
we again?"
"I dunno," said Squeal with a shrug.
Ritsuko blinked and looked at
Misato. "Are they serious?"
"Probably," grumbled the woman with
a frustrated frown.
++++++++++++++++++
A moment later, the group was riding
an elevator that passed by a gigantic
glass wall that towered into the air
above them. It appeared to be some sort
of tank, and was holding in a sea of
some sort of semi translucent liquid.
Neither of the boy's noticed or
cared. Ritsuko was talking about the
probability of activating something,
while Squeal and Shinji spit off the
edge of the moving platform, aiming at
the workers scurrying around the room
far below them.
"Ha! Got one!" said Shinji
cheerfully.
"Cool, the guy's going all spastic,"
said Squeal cheerfully.
"So it doesn't work?" asked Misato.
"Don't be so foolish. We call it the
O-nine system, as in Oni, a Japanese
devil."
"Devils are pretty cool," commented
Squeal.
Both women glared at him and he
blinked. "What? Do I got a loogie on my
chin?" He wiped his face with his shirt
and they turned away to ignore him.
"What is he doing here?" grumbled
Ritsuko. "You were only supposed to
bring the third child."
"He wouldn't come unless I brought
him," grumbled Misato. "We didn't have
time to argue about it at the time."
"We'll deal with it later," grumbled
Ritsuko. She turned to look at Squeal
and frowned. "He shouldn't be here, he's
not cleared. Commander Ikari is going to
be very upset."
"I didn't have a choice," grumbled
Misato.
They stepped off the platform and
walked through a large automatic door.
It shut behind them and they were in
total darkness.
"Dude! They took us into a dark and
out of the way place!" said Squeal in
shock.
"You mean...?" said Shinji dumbly.
"Yeah. They're going to rape us!"
"Awesome!"
The lights came on and the boy's
were standing in their boxer shorts in
the middle of the room. Misato and
Ritsuko were both twitching in disgusted
shock.
"Dude! Turn out the lights! It's
ruining the moment!" said Squeal as he
puckered his lips. "I'm ready! Take me
gently!" He stuck his tongue out and
closed his eyes while reaching forward
with his hands in a rather disgusting
looking mock kiss.
Shinji was making rather vulgar
looking thrusts with his pelvis, and was
swatting at an imaginary ass in front of
his crotch. "Dude, we're gonna score!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
cried Misato as she backed away.
Squeal seemed to notice something.
"Hey, what's that thing?"
Shinji blinked and turned his head
in the same direction. "A giant face?"
Ritsuko seemed to calm down visibly
as the two boys stared at the thing for
a moment. "This is humanity's last hope,
the synthetic live form known as
Evangelion."
"Cool, giant robots. So, where's the
weenie guys in spandex?" asked Squeal as
he glanced round the room. "Course, they
also gotta have the token babe."
"Excellent!" said Shinji as he
turned towards his friend.
Both women noticed that he was still
quite aroused.
"Put your clothes on!" snapped
Misato as she covered her face in
revulsion.
Shinji and Squeal looked at each
other for a moment, and then turned back
towards her. "Why?" they asked in
unison.
"Just do it!" snapped Ritsuko.
The pair reluctantly started
dressing themselves.
"So...this is like...my old man's
thing?" said Shinji as he peered at it.
"Always knew he was a little weird."
"Correct!" said a firm voice from
above them.
Shinji blinked and turned his gaze
towards the sound. Gendo Ikari was
standing behind a window in an
observation room above them. "Hey. It's
the old man! How's it goin Pop?" he said
cheerfully as he waved to his father.
Gendo let out a small tsk of disgust
at the display. "It's been a while."
"It has?" muttered Shinji as he
thought about it really hard. "Oh yeah."
"Hey Uncle Gendo!" said Squeal as he
waved his arm at the man and grinned.
Gendo ignored him. "We're moving
out."
"What?" gasped Misato. "Unit Zero is
still in cryostasis! Wait a minute!
You're gonna use Unit One?" She seemed
to realize this all at once.
"There's no other choice," said
Ritsuko.
"Now wait! Rei can't do it yet can
she? We don't have a pilot!" cried
Misato. She was praying very hard that
her suspicions weren't true.
"We just received one," replied
Ritsuko.
Misato almost passed out. "You can't
mean that! Look at him!"
Ritsuko ignored her outburst and
turned towards the boy. "Shinji Ikari,
You will pilot it."
"Huh?" said the boy dumbly.
"Ha! You're a spandex weenie!"
guffawed Squeal.
"Pilot what?" said Shinji as he
looked up at the woman dumbly.
"Weren't you paying attention at
all?!" cried Misato angrily.
"Umm..." The boy thought about it
for a long moment. "No?" He really hoped
it was the right answer.
Everyone looked at him in a sort of
horrified shock. Well, Squeal was too
busy trying to remember what they were
talking about.
"You're going to pilot Unit One,"
said Ritsuko firmly.
"You mean that thing?" said Shinji
as a half hidden understanding seemed to
cross over his face. He looked at the
giant head for a moment.
"Yes!" snapped Misato.
"But...I can't even drive," replied
the boy with a sort of shocked awe on
his face.
"You will be instructed," replied
Ritsuko.
"Awesome," muttered the boy as he
stared at the giant head.
"Even Rei Ayanami took seven months
to synchronize with her Eva! It's
impossible for him to do it! He's too
stupid!"
Ritsuko frowned at her. "We just
want him to sit in the pilot's seat. We
don't expect more than that from him."
Misato growled irritably.
Shinji was wandering back and fourth
in front of the thing with a grin on his
face. "Hey! Where's the door? I wanna
try it out!"
There was an explosion outside and
everyone staggered for a moment.
"It's getting close. It must be able
to sense us," commented Gendo.
"Huh?" said Shinji in genuine
confusion.
Squeal shrugged as he looked at him
for a moment and blinked. "Got me. I
dunno what the hell these people are
talkin about."
"We'd best get started," grumbled
Ritsuko.
+++++++++++++++++
"Signal flow terminator, now being
injected," said Maya as she looked at
the readout screen in front of her.
"Entry plug, now being inserted." Misato
and Ritsuko were standing behind her in
the control room, watching the events
unfold.
As this was going on, a long tube-
like object was being plugged into the
Eva's back. It screwed into place and
the back closed up.
Inside the machine, Shinji was
sitting at the controls cheerfully. He
was jerking on what seemed to be the
control handles impatiently. "This is so
awesome!" He was almost giddy with
excitement.
"Filling the entry plug," said a
feminine voice from one of the interior
speakers.
"Huh?" muttered Shinji as he watched
a liquid begin to fill up the space he
was sitting in. "Hey!"
"Are we there yet?" asked Squeal as
he poked his head from behind the seat.
"Shhhh!" snapped Shinji as he shoved
him back behind him. The liquid went
over his head and he blinked. He
couldn't remember if he could breathe
underwater or not. "Um..." Bubbles
escaped his mouth as he spoke. He
remembered that he couldn't.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
"Shinji, relax. Once the LCL
saturates your lungs, your blood will be
oxygenated directly. You'll get used to
it," said Ritsuko's voice.
"Huh? This stuff tastes like bong
water," he muttered with a thoughtful
frown. "Excellent." He shook his head in
a positive manner as he sucked up the
liquid from around him greedily.
"Shinji, stop breathing so hard. We
can't get a good reading," said Ritsuko
irritably.
"Huh? Dang," grumbled the boy as he
sighed and calmed down a bit.
There was a lot of commotion
outside. Shinji blinked and glanced
around. "Wild."
"Connecting Main Power! All circuits
transmitting!" said a male voice
outside.
"Connecting secondary contacts,"
said a feminine voice.
Shinji heard a bit more tecnobabble
that made no sense to him and watched
all the pretty colors that shined around
him as the innards of the thing came to
life. "Whoah!"
"Dude! We gotta get one of these!"
whispered Squeal.
"Yeah!" agreed Shinji.
+++++++++++++++++
Meanwhile, at the control center.
"What's that flat line?" asked
Misato.
"It's his brainwave pattern," said
Ritsuko in shock. "I think there's
something wrong..."
"All systems nominal, we're
connected," said Maya in confusion.
"That can't be, I'm barely getting
enough for a reading!"
"You mean...he's really this
stupid?" said Ritsuko in horror.
"The pattern is weak, but we've got
enough to attempt a connection," said
Maya nervously. "Should we proceed?"
"We have no choice," growled
Ritsuko.
"There's something else in the
system," said Maya as she glanced at the
screen in front of her. "It isn't
presenting any problems, but it seems to
be effecting the pilot."
"What?"
"Trace chemicals of some kind, still
active in the bloodstream." Maya blinked
in absolute disbelief. "He's stoned
Ma'am."
"Pardon?" said Ritsuko as she looked
up at the dumbly grinning figure on the
screen in front of her. Shinji looked
dazed and had an awkward smile on his
face.
"Shinji! Are you stoned?" gasped
Misato angrily.
"Like Mick Jagger," he replied
cheerfully. "Ain't it awesome?"
"Use the nanomachines to block it
out!" snapped Ritsuko.
"That isn't a good idea," said Maya.
"What?" said Ritsuko. Suddenly she
realized it. His brain was stimulated at
the moment. The activity they were able
to read now was probably caused by it.
"If we..."
"We might not be able to read him at
all," said Maya with a small nod. "I
don't believe this."
Misato was completely silent, and
merely stared forward in horror.
Suddenly, she blinked. "Where's Squeal?"
"Huh?" said Ritsuko.
"Dude! We're giant robot pilots!"
said Squeal as he poked his head out
from behind Shinji's back. He was behind
the seat and was trying to light a
joint. His lighter didn't work in the
LCL though and he glanced at it. "Dang,
out a juice! This bites!"
"Bogus!" cried Shinji in horror.
"Hey! Do any of you have a lighter?" he
cried into the screen in front of them.
Misato blinked dumbly, and before
she realized what she was doing, she had
pulled one out of her jacket.
Shinji and Squeal were now pressed
up against the screen, trying to reach
for it.
"Dude! A window!" cried Squeal.
"Let's break it!" said Shinji
angrily. The pair started to beat on the
wall inside the Eva.
"How the hell did he get in there?!
Get him out! Now!" snapped Ritsuko.
"Ummm..." said Maya quietly.
"Don't tell me, please don't tell
me," she muttered as she turned her
glare towards the woman. Maya was
blushing badly and looked down at the
floor. "The reading we've been
getting...It's from the both of them. If
we take one of them out..."
"It won't work," said Misato with a
heavy sigh.
"The sync ratio is within forty
percent, with the two of them, it should
work," said Maya nervously.
Ritsuko looked like one of the veins
in her forehead was about to burst.
Misato sighed. "I guess we should
begin."
The hanger bustled with activity as
the Eva was released from its restraints
and maneuvered up to the launch pad on
the wall. Shinji and Squeal were singing
'She's my cherry pie!" together quite
badly inside the unit and ignoring the
goings on outside.
Finally, everything was ready and
Misato turned towards Gendo. The man was
sitting in the back of the control room
with his hands folded in front of his
face. He had been silent up till that
point and merely frowned.
"Can we do this?" muttered Misato.
"Is this really our only hope?"
Gendo snorted at the scene. "Most
unexpected. In any case, we should
proceed. If this fails, then humanity
has no hope."
Misato nodded, a look of firm
conviction on her face. "Evangelion,
Unit One! Launch!"
Shinji and Squeal slammed back into
their seats, screaming bloody murder as
they were forced down by the intense
gravity of the launch. Their entire
world vibrated madly for almost a full
minute. Finally, they slammed to a stop.
"Dude, this water stuff tastes
different," commented Squeal.
"Misato, I think we need to change
this water out. It's all dirty now,"
said Shinji.
"Dude! Sick!" cried Squeal in
horror.
The pair burst into laughter.
"That was awesome!"
A gigantic figure lumbered around
the corner and paused as it noticed the
thing in front of it. It was easily as
tall as one of the buildings and seemed
to consider the Eva for a moment.
Shinji blinked. "What the hell is
that thing?"
"I dunno," replied Squeal. "Looks
pretty awesome though."
"Yeah," agreed Shinji cheerfully.
"Now what?" asked Squeal.
"I dunno, I think we're supposed to
just sit here or something," replied
Shinji. "That's what the chick said
anyway."
"You're supposed to fight it," said
Ritsuko angrily as her face appeared on
the screen in front of them.
The pair blinked and turned to face
one another. "No way!"
++++++++++++++++++++
TBC...
Heh. ^_^;