Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

Refer Chapter the First.

Author's Pre-Rant -

Yes, you heard (read?) right. This is the last chapter of Insight and Understanding. Technically that's a big fat lie. There is an epilogue, which I will be posting sooner rather than later. Then it will all be said and done. (Probably?)

Insight and Understanding

Chapter the Sixteenth - Endings?

Tokyo-3 - Interim NERV Headquarters (aka - Still Out in the Open)

"Misato, the power supply's acting up." The holo-display panel indicating the level of externally supplied power kept flickering from full supply to the five-minute indicator. A sure sign that something was wrong.

A somewhat snowy image of Misato Katsuragi appeared in a communication window in front of the young German woman. "It's the best we could do given the circumstances Asuka. You keep telling us you're the most elite Pilot we have. Now's your best opportunity to prove it to the world."

"Gott in Himmell." Asuka clutched her head as she watched Misato smile and give the 'V' for victory sign. "Wonder Girl? Any problems with that Prototype piece of junk of yours?"

Misato's image was immediately replaced with that of the azure haired Pilot of Unit 00. "Apart from the power fluctuations, Unit 00 is in operable condition." Rei looked away for a brief moment before continuing. "Pilot Sohryu, about Shinji…."

"I know, we need to do something." Just 'How' they were going to achieve this still eluded the self-proclaimed genius.

"It will be difficult to stop him without injuring him and," Crimson eyes narrowed slightly and pale features hardened. "I will not harm him Pilot Sohryu." The young woman's countenance indicated that hurting Shinji wasn't even a final option. It simply wasn't an option at all.

A short sharp burst of laughter escaped Asuka's lips. "I wouldn't let you if you tried Wonder Girl. Now let's go bring the perverted idiot back. There are Christmas presents with my name on them waiting for me."

***

Taking a long drag from her cigarette to calm her nerves, Ritsuko stared up at the turbulent night sky. Dark, angry clouds obscured the stars and the ever-strengthening breeze offered no respite. All in all an ominous portent for Christmas Eve. "The two girls appear to be in high spirits. What do you think their chances are?" Voicing her own opinions wouldn't be conducive to morale at this point. Instead Ritsuko opted to ask the one person who always tried to play the eternal optimist.

Filling her coffee mug from a nearby urn, Misato took the time to steady herself as she actually considered the reality of their current situation. "If they work together, everything will work out. Shinji'll be back home preparing a succulent Christmas lunch before you know it. You and Maya are welcome to attend." Misato smiled as she watched the steam rise listlessly from the surface of the hot black liquid. <He'll be home. He has to be.>

Ritsuko glanced at her friend, noting the slight tremors that occasionally appeared, the way her breathing seemed irregular. <Still trying to hold it all in Misato? How will you be if Shinji-kun actually ….>. "Well, as long as Shinji-kun is cooking, we'll gladly be there."

Misato glared back at the casually smirking Doctor from over her shoulder. "And just what are you insinuating Ritsu-chan?"

"I'm not insinuating anything, Misa-chan. I'm telling you. Your cooking is terrible. It's a medical miracle that Shinji-kun actually survived as long as he did before he finally convinced you to stop destroying perfectly good food." The sadistic smile on Ritsuko's face added to the overall effect of the oft-used taunt. "You really should have taken the chance to take some 'Bridal Training' courses Misato. What sort of man can you expect to catch with the pathetic house keeping skills you have?"

Sniffing in disdain at the remark, Misato returned an equally vicious grin. "Just for that remark, you don't get to play with Shinji under the mistletoe."

"Meaning your keeping him all to yourself?" Ritsuko arched an eyebrow as she levelled her gaze at the lavender haired Major.

"Naturally." Both women broke into a short-lived round of furious laughter.

***

Tokyo-3 Battlefield

Cybernetically enhanced synapses fired simultaneously. Hardwired programs engineered into the dummy plug hosts reacted to encrypted transmissions issued by their creators. The weapons created by SEELE slowly surrounded the targets designated by their masters. Even the savagely mutilated Evangelions that lay strewn across the surrounding area joined the advance. The program now active had one main directive. Capture and contain both life forms. Sensors continually analysed the two beings, searching for weaknesses to exploit and seeking to determine strengths. The large female Angel had not yet displayed any significant abilities worthy of attention while her male counterpart appeared to affect the elements to a degree. The knowledge database installed into each Evangelion Drive System held scant information on the entities listed as Adam and Lillith, and virtually nothing of the evolved Third Children. This was not interpreted as a weakness. Their tactical extrapolations indicated that individually, both targets were considerably more formidable than anything encountered previously. The database provided by translations of the Dead Sea scrolls determined that collectively, the Adam/Lillith Angel and the current incarnation of the Third Children were capable of destroying all life on the planet.

Expanding their artificially generated AT Fields, the Mass Production EVA's raised their weapons and levelled them at the Third Children. Reacting to the wave pattern of the AT Fields, the weapons began their transfiguration into their final form. Duplicates of the one true Lance of Longinus. Shinji did not even have time to register the pain as the first weapon extended out towards him.

***

Without souls to devour, to seek their retribution against, the shadows of the lost turned their hunger against their master. Shinji felt their mocking laughter as they tore at his flesh. His screams amplified as the first lance pierced his wrist. Another extended out and tore into his other wrist, effectively impaling his body in an obscene parody of a crucified messiah. The serpentine faces grinned maliciously as yet another lance changed it's shape a plunged it's tip into his prone form. Blood and bile sprayed forth from his mouth as the next one tore into his abdomen, near the bullet wound his father had inflicted on him.

Blood and pain. Central themes of his former and current life.

Memories of his father barraged his mind.

His father smiling at his tears.

Laughing at his pain.

Joyous at his own sons suffering.

The images continued unabated, merging into a continuous montage that engulfed his senses. Displaying the entirety of his existence, everything that had led him to this precise moment.

But the timid Shinji Ikari was gone. All that remained was the Harbinger of Oblivion. Tearing his arms free, ignoring the pain, Shinji unleashed his rage upon the nearest creature that dared injure him. The results were impressive as it literally exploded under his psychic onslaught.

***

Having returned to the battle, Asuka and Rei could only watch from the sidelines as Shinji began his methodical decimation of the last of the Evangelion series. Spears tore mercilessly at his flesh, gouging terrible wounds that nearly severed his body. With almost casual indifference, he ignored the accumulation of wounds and renewed his attacks.

"The Invincible Shinji-sama." The oft-used taunt had never rung more true than now. The Shinji Ikari that she had glimpsed on those rare occasions, the Shinji Ikari that had ultimately caught her fancy. This was him, unfettered by his compassion, in all his glory. And not for the first time, Asuka Langley Sohryu was afraid. As much as she longed for this Shinji to be the true Shinji, he terrified her. Without his gentle indecision, his shy embarrassment, he wasn't the Shinji Ikari she wanted. The Shinji before her was a rabid animal, a creature that had abandoned pity and mercy in favour of hate and rage. His fury was frightening to behold as he literally tore his foes apart. "Wonder Girl, any ideas on what we should do?"

Rei considered what few alternatives they had. "Perhaps if we synchronise our AT Fields with his. Nagisa-kun mentioned that his conscious mind has retreated. We must restore him to his senses."

"What about the Angel? Adam?" The presence of the large female dominating the background disturbed Asuka. Up until now, it had been mostly inactive. But her experiences had taught her that the longer you left them the worse things became.

"She is unable to act. Her hold over Lillith is still tenuous." Although subdued, Rei was certain that Adam's hold over Lillith was not yet complete. If it were, they would already be dead.

"Then let's finish this up before she is able to act."

***

The return of the blue and red biomechanical beasts irritated him. It was much akin to an itch you can't scratch. He could feel them as they attempted to smother and isolate his connection to Adam. Somehow they were able to adjust to his harmonic state very quickly. It was if they were able to anticipate and predict his every move. Of course, if subtlety proved ineffective, brute force was always in his favour. Lashing out, extending his field to pierce directly at his latest foe, Shinji smirked as he sensed their pain as the pilots within the armour suffered something of the assault. By linking their fields with his he could not only feel their pain, he could allow them a glimpse of the cold emptiness that was his existence. He roared with ecstasy at their cries as they echoed in his mind. Allowing the dark tide of hate to build within himself, he prepared to destroy the pair of them. He had an entire world to cleanse. It wouldn't do to waste time on the appetisers. Raw power crackled and arced around him as he readied his attack.

<<I must go to him. Ikari-kun calls me.>> The voice whispered. All connection that Rei had with Unit 00 was immediately severed. The entry plug quickly fell into darkness, leaving Rei to wonder if she should activate the manual emergency release.

"What the…? Wonder Girl?" Asuka stared in disbelief as she managed to catch a glimpse of a glowing, near naked Rei flying from Unit 00 towards the airborne Shinji just before the entry plug shut down.

Dark, hate filled orbs slowly cleared to reveal midnight blue eyes. "Ayanami?"

"Ikari-kun." The ethereal figure of the second Rei enfolded Shinji in her arms and laid her head against his chest. "It is good to see you once more."

Shaken by the appearance of the girl who for all intents and purposes had sacrificed her own life to ensure the continuation of his, Shinji could only blink as he watched her close her eyes and smile as she nestled against him. He had never forgiven himself for letting her die. For failing her when she needed him most. For being too weak and afraid.

"Ayanami!" Arms, scorched by the remorseless energies that filled him, wrapped around the young woman's petite body and held her tight. Tears, similar to those he had first shed for this same person, flowed as he embraced her with all the passion and gentleness that he had.

"Ikari-kun." Rei gently cupped her hand against his cheek." Adam's truth is not your truth. Her world is not for you."

"Not the world I wanted" Nodding in agreement, Shinji's eyes stared deeply into the deep crimson eyes of Rei. "I missed you Ayanami."

"I will be with you always Ikari-kun." Energy enveloped the pair as Rei slowly dissipated, her form slowly filtering into Shinji. Small globes spiralled around them, illuminating them in a brilliant kaleidoscope of light. <<Always.>>

Shinji slowly opened his eyes, finding that he no longer held Rei in his arms. Instead of tears, a small smile lit his face. "I understand now. Thank you Ayanami. I ……" His final words were lost as thunder and lightning burst once again from the sky above.

Watching both Asuka and Rei eject from their entry plugs filled Shinji with a sense of relief. Even now he could see their souls burning bright. "Thank goodness they're both alright."

Turning towards his mistress, Shinji Ikari considered his options. He had never considered himself particularly intelligent or brave. Quite the opposite in fact. Yet here he was. A world and all it's inhabitants lay in the balance. His decision could condemn them. He couldn't allow that to happen. At any cost.

<<You think to thwart my revenge? The pact between us is more than just hollow words spoken in jest. We are one my love. Bound to each other. Without one to sustain other……...>> Adam narrowed her eyes as she glared at her instrument of retribution.

"I won't hurt them." Images of Misato, Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Touji, Kensuke and many more quickly appeared in his mind. Their smiles providing him with the necessary impetus to strengthen his resolve. "Ayanami taught me something very important. If we can give our own life to ensure that the ones we care about can live on, then our life isn't wasted." Warmth and a gentle calm filled his heart. Something he had not experienced for a very long time. The voices of the damned no longer echoed in his mind. Their cries of hunger finally silenced. He could sense them, still deep inside. But with the passing of his own hatred, they no longer had a passage with which to exact revenge. Fixing his eyes on Adam once again, Shinji offered her a sad smile of consolation. "I can't let you do this anymore. Not to them, not to yourself." Opening his arms in welcome, Shinji drifted towards Adam.

Startled by his sudden approach, Adam grinned and raised her hand to strike him down. <<How dare you. You presume to tell me what I can and cannot do. I am the First Messenger. My will is absolute. Without me you would be nothing more than a corpse at your fathers feet.>> Adam's eyes widened as her hand passed harmlessly through Shinji as he continued to advance. The smile not faltering, even as Adam renewed her efforts to prevent his approach. <<Stay away. Stay away.>> She felt a slight tingling sensation blossom throughout her body. Stumbling backwards in her desperation to avoid the inevitable, Adam tripped and fell. <<Stay away. Please.>> Hugging herself in fear, Adam began to shrink as her own AT Field felt the soul of her love. Now reduced to nothing more than a normal human being in size, Adam began to plead. <<Why. Why do you betray me. Am I so worthless. Were we nothing more than a distraction to stave off your boredom.>>

Shinji shook his head, disagreeing with her perception of things. "Of course not. I just didn't want you to do this. Killing. It wouldn't bring them, your children, back."

<<So in the end, you choose the species that would cast you into darkness over the eternal kingdom I offer.>> The tingling sensation continued as Shinji's soul continued to synchronise with her own.

"No. Not really." Shinji knelt beside the now trembling woman. "Adam, don't cry. Please." Carefully, he gathered her into his arms and held her even as she tried to resist.

<<Why? Why haven't you killed me?>> The look of surprise on Adam's face upset Shinji. She expected him to kill her.

He was never comfortable with death. He remembered how he had even questioned why they needed to fight and kill the Angels. "Because I can't."

Adam blinked in surprise. She could feel the darkness draining away. All the accumulated hate and spite, leaving her at a rapid pace. Staring up at the face of the one who now held her, the one she loved, Adam watched with a mixture of awe and concern as dark shadows moved beneath his skin. The pain that etched itself into his features. <<What do you think you are doing?>>

Grimacing in pain Shinji spared the woman a smile to hopefully ease her worries. "I'll take it. The darkness that stains your light. I'll add it to my own. I'll shoulder the burden for you."

<<No. You cannot. It will destroy you.>> Adam frantically tried to halt the drain, but found herself unable to resist.

"No. But it will sever our bond. That way, if I die at least you'll survive. And maybe you'll find the happiness you deserve." Shinji released his hold and staggered off to the side. Clutching his stomach, he doubled over and began coughing and heaving. Blood sprayed across the earth as he collapsed to his knees.

<<Adam. Do you see now? Why I chose him?>> The voice was soft and barely audible.

Closing her eyes, Adam turned her mind inwards. <<Lillith?>>

The image of a pale woman with dark eyes and long silvery hair appeared in Adam's minds eye. There standing beside her was her own child, Tabris, the Angel of Free Will. <<He fears contact with others yet cannot bear to see them suffer. He takes their pain for his own. Ignoring the consequences of such an act.>> Tabris smiled sadly as he closed his eyes, focusing on the young man who at this very moment was struggling to contain the chaos within himself.

Adam's mental avatar looked between her pale sister and her child. <<Can we help him?>>

Shaking her head at the question, Lillith closed her eyes and sent her own restored senses towards her Chosen. To Shinji. <<He refuses. His soul refuses me. Without permission, the barrier that his light projects cannot be breached. It is a strength born from his conviction to help you.>>

<<If we combine our strengths, what then?>> Adam released her grip and opened her eyes to stare at the fallen young man.

<<Then perhaps we can provide them with the chance to save him.>>

The 'Them' in question were just now coming into view as they made their way to where Shinji and Adam had fallen. Misato Katsuragi, Rei Ayanami and Asuka Langely Sohryu were scrambling as fast as they dared over the treacherous terrain to reach the young man as he lay on his side, his hand slowly clenching and releasing.

Energy sparked as Adam, Lillith and Tabris spread their combined souls to encompass the barrier Shinji had erected. While Shinji's strength was amplified by the darkness he harboured inside, his 'adversaries' were the First, Second and Final Messengers. Their power was energised by desperation to somehow save their Chosen one. Surrendering themselves to the task, Adam/Lillith's corporeal form slowly began to dissolve as they eroded the field around Shinji.

Shinji lifted his head to gaze in amazement as he felt the contact. "Why?"

The fading image of Adam/Lillith separated into two. The faces of the two Angels smiled at the young man. <<Because, If we can give our own lives to ensure that the one we care about can live on, then our lives are not wasted.>>

***

Unit 01 Core

Yui Ikari watched, impassive and unmoved as her former husband writhe in agony. Layer by layer she peeled the armour that had enclosed Gendou Rokubungi's heart and soul. Years of indifference and apathy were excised, exposing the frightened man that existed inside to true emotional suffering. With nothing to protect him from the memories of his crimes, Gendou screamed as vision after vision assaulted his now fragile psyche. Each atrocity he had willingly orchestrated now tore mercilessly at his souls manifestation.

"My child is dieing, Rokubungi. Instead of destroying humanity, he's opted to destroy himself." Not for the first time, Yui wept for her son. "I'm going to him."

***

Tokyo-3 Aftermath

"Baka Shinji!" Levelling her index finger at the fallen Shinji Ikari, Asuka launched into an all too familiar tirade. "You stop playing around. Wake up. Do you hear me? Get up……. NOW!" The demands, although impressive sounding and carrying the threat of physical violence if ignored, held little sway against one whose life was almost gone. The imperious quality slowly gave way to an almost pleading moan. "Baka….. Wake up…. Please. I still have to prove who the better Pilot is. We were going to teach you how to swim. You were going to be there….. Forever and ever. ….With me. ….Always." Asuka Langley Sohryu knelt over the body and the low moans that she could no longer hold back gave way to body wracking sobs. "Don't. ….Don't look at me. I'm not crying. I'm not." Out of respect for the young woman and everything she had suffered and overcome, all those present turned a blind eye to her tears. Perhaps their own tears blinded them.

"Shinji." Rei gently cradled the young mans head and rested it in her lap. "Please don't leave me Shinji." Brushing his hair back from his face, Rei wept as she watched for any sign of life. "I ………need you." Her trembling fingers slowly traced the line of his jaw to gently caress his lips. "Beside me……….With me." Emotions that were once unknown to the pale young woman now tore mercilessly at her heart. Slowly at first, but with increasing frequency, tears began falling onto Shinji's face. Rei's vision blurred as she curled up into a ball, gently nestling Shinji's head as she continued to whisper all the things she had never told the young man. Explaining just how much he meant to her.

Misato's grief released itself violently as she screamed at the heavens above. The sun began to rise above the horizon, heralding the start of a new day. Misato cursed the light, how dare it do so as if nothing had happened. Her Shinji was gone. He had become a constant. An anchor against the chaos of her life. Collapsing across the young man's body, Misato continued to cry, her sorrow at the loss of the one who held her heart knowing no other avenue of release.

***

The core of Unit 01 began to glow. Subtle at first, the continued increase slowly took on a life of its own as a low hum resonated through the surrounding area. Wave after wave of heat flowed from the large sphere, melting the earth surrounding it.

Gradually the core of Unit 01 began to cool. Steam billowed as the super heated surface reacted with the cool morning air. Stepping through the mist, a glowing silhouette appeared, making its way towards the small group currently mourning the loss of someone very important.

A young woman, dressed in a short tan skirt and pink blouse with a white lab coat stopped to gaze with infinite sadness at the young man who lay unmoving at the centre of the others. Slowly, and with great care she knelt beside Rei and placed her hand gently on his cool cheek. Even though her form lacked complete substance, there was enough for her to be able to touch her own son.

"My darling little boy. How much you've grown." A single tear streaked down her face and tumbled down onto the forehead of the young man below.

"Misses Ikari?" Misato had never seen the woman before but her resemblance to Shinji was unmistakeable.

Yui spared Misato a brief smile before returning to look once again at her child. "Yui is fine Miss Katsuragi. Thank you for caring for my boy. He appreciated it very much. He may not have said as much but it meant a great deal to him to have a home. Somewhere he felt……at peace"

Asuka stared at the woman. Then at the First Children. The similarities were unmistakable. <They could pass for Mother and Daughter.>

"Misses Ikari? I am sorry. I could not save Shinji. I failed to protect the one I …." Rei choked on the pain and sorrow as she offered her apologies to the woman beside her. The woman that was part of the template for her very existence.

"You have nothing to apologise for Rei." Yui gently embraced the girl. "Shinji was so proud of you. You became your own person. No longer Rokubungi's puppet. Seeing you smile, knowing you were happy was everything he wanted for you. It allowed him to ignore his own pain."

Rei frantically hugged the woman and buried her face into her shoulder. Tears came unabated as Yui consoled the young woman. "And you must be Asuka, Kyoko's little girl."

Asuka blinked in surprise, no longer caring who saw her cry. "You know me?"

"Your mother and I worked on Project E together, albeit on different sides of the world. She always spoke about her little Wonder Girl. You were her pride and joy." Yui smiled as she recalled the conversations she had had with the extremely intelligent Kyoko.

Misato stared down at Shinji once again, grasping his hand in hers, hoping with all she was worth that he would gently squeeze back. "Why? Why did this have to happen to him?"

"Because sometimes it is not just how a person lives that can determine the fate of a world, but how they die." The words were the only answer Yui had as she slowly began fading from sight. "He wanted to protect the ones who meant more to him than his own life. The ones he loved."

"But he never even learned to like himself." The notable lack of fire in Asuka's response was more than compensated by her grief.

"Why is everyone crying?" The quiet voice was unmistakable. It was Shinji Ikari.

***

End (Sort of)

Authors Post-Rant -

Odd way to end a series, I know. But just look how the TV series and movies ended. The epilogue will tie things up a little.

Ja Ne