Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Lift Your Head Up High ❯ Lift Your Head Up High ( Chapter 1 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Bastion 
*SPOILERS* A retelling of the last TV episode of EVA to the tune of "Lift Your Head Up High" by the Bloodhound Gang.
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 01.08.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 946 | Status: Completed
*SPOILERS* A retelling of the last TV episode of EVA to the tune of "Lift Your Head Up High" by the Bloodhound Gang.
Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 01.08.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 946 | Status: Completed
Hey party people. Wave your hands in the air. <grin>
This one goes out to everyone who's seen the last TV episode of
EVA. So with that in mind, let me get this off my chest real quick like:
*******************************************************************
SPOILERS AHEAD. FIRST GO WATCH THE ENTIRE SEASON OF EVA A FEW TIMES
WHILE BALANCING A CAN OF SPAM ON YOUR NOSE AND THEN READ THIS FIC.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!
*******************************************************************
Have a nice one, peeps.
Now, without further ado....
*===================================================================*
Lift Your Head Up High
aka
Bastion's Tribute to the Last Episode of EVA
by Bastion
*===================================================================*
Inspired by the song, Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out)
by the Bloodhound Gang.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. *.*.*.*
[The screen is black and when, in ominous fashion, white words
emerge from the darkness..]
It was 2016 A.D.
The thing people lost, in other words, the complementation of
the mind is on the run.
However, it's too short a time to describe the entire process.
[They slowly disappear, only to be instantly replaced.]
Therefore, we discuss on the complementation of the mind of one
single boy named Ikari Shinji.
[The characters dissipate into the background, and a spotlight
shines on a young, frail brown-haired boy, with the caption,
'Case 3: In the case of Ikari Shinji.' appearing above him.
They fade away and the boy sits in his chair in silence, when
suddenly he hears clapping and echoes of music everywhere.
Without warning, a large group of familiar faces are illuminated
by enigmatic spotlights.]
All: <clapping> Lift your head up high and blow your brains out!
[Then a redhead in a school uniform dances out from the
darkness, holding a microphone connected to a toy mini-piano.
Suddenly, her face is just mere inches from the boy's.]
Asuka: Do you still go to raves? Do you think Christ saves?
Do you spend your days in a Purple Haze?
Do you contemplate what a grape nut is?
Or could you live drinkin' your own whiz?
[A purple haired woman in a red jacket and black dress pops out
of the blackness under a spotlight, wagging a finger at the boy
while clutching an alcoholic beverage.]
Misato: Are you hooked on a feeling are you hooked on
gin-n-tonics?
Are you hooked on fistin' are you hooked on phonics?
[Asuka pushes out the woman and nails the boy square between the
eyes with a box of tissues. The boy finds himself on his back
with the smirking, upside down visage of Asuka still in his
vision.]
Asuka: Did you ever have sex with a box of Kleenex?
[The boy blushes and gasps as his chair's jerked upright again
to be confront by a blond boy in camouflage who begins to take
out objects from assorted pockets on his person.]
Kensuke: Did you like the movie Malcolm X?
Or do you own a record by Stryper?
Do you have a mongoloid cousin wearin' diapers?
Were you born and raised in New Jersey?
Did you like the taste of Crystal Pepsi?
[The redhead pushes the blond aside and continues to sing into
her toy synthesizer, dancing provocatively in the boy's face.]
Asuka: Are you deaf? Well if you are you can't hear me
But what's the use of living if your ear's be?
Broken even if I had spoken clearly
You're stall knot table two ear mi
[The girl scratches her inner ear and rubs it contents on the
boy's shoulder.]
Asuka: Cause life is a game that no one wins
But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin'
[Asuka waves her finger at the boy.]
Asuka: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit
[A towel slaps the boy in the face.]
Asuka: No take that towel and hang yourself with it
[Before the boy can peel the towel off his face, it squeezes
dangerously around his neck, the redhead smiles as she applies
more pressure.]
Asuka: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf
[She steps back and poses. The boy takes in a gulp of air.]
Asuka: So save the planet and kill yourself
If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about
Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[Suddenly, the entire cast is spotlighted once again.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[A chorus of Reis dance into view, wiggling their hips to the
rhythm of the music.]
Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out
[The chorus wiggles once more and vanishes. Then two spotlights
follow Ritsuko and Misato, Major Katsuragi whispers to the boy
while playfully pointing to the blonde.]
Misato: Does your girlfriend look like the chick from M*A*S*H?
Dead ringer for Klinger with a thicker mustache?
[A pale, grey-haired boy in a blue dress walks between Ritsuko
and the boy. The grey-haired boy curtsies and smiles gayly at
the boy and walks off. The boy and Ritsuko stare in disbelief,
Misato carries on obliviously.]
Misato: When you're at a get-together does everybody always ask?
Ain't no Halloween party why's she wearin' that mask?
[Misato giggles. The blonde straightens her lab coat and aims
her retort towards the boy.]
Ritsuko: Does she got more Chins than the Chinese phone book?
[Glowering at Ritsuko, Misato replies back to the boy.]
Misato: Would you rather make out with a rusty fish hook?
[Now the two women are talking directly to each other much to
the boy's chagrin.]
Ritsuko: Does she stick to linoleum when she squats?
Misato: Does she look pregnant although she's not?
[The blonde puts her hands on her hips and gives her fellow
woman the one, two.]
Ritsuko: Did you first see your boyfriend on Cops?
[Kaji is shown being escorted by law enforcement officers. He
smiles a toothy smile at Misato.]
Ritsuko: Or at a Star Trek convention or on top?
[In the old style Star Trek uniform, Kaji lifts his hand and
attempts the Vulcan sign without much success while one of his
fake ears fall off.]
Ritsuko: Of your best friend or maybe at Wendy's?
Workin' third shift late New Year's Eve?
[Now Kaji appears wearing an apron and oblong hat. He waves at
Misato as he flips a burger. She sighs.]
Ritsuko: Does he live under a bridge, scare kids, and kill
squirrels?
[A very dingy Kaji pops up from under a bridge, wearing red robes while
wearing a white wig with dog ears on top. Barring his fake
fangs, he scares everyone. Then he smiles a maize-like smile
and waves at Misato.]
Ritsuko: Does he do kegstands until he hurls?
[From in front of a toilet, Kaji weakly lifts his hand and waves
while continuing his porcelain praising.]
Ritsuko: Could a blind man mistake his complexion for Braille?
[Kaji, wearing a long cloak and a hood over his face, limps into
view. Removing his hood, he smiles, though it's hardly visible
through all the lumps of skin. He waves at Misato. She
shivers.]
Ritsuko: Does he have time to sit around and wait for the mail?
[Standing next to mail box Kaji dusts off his cardigan sweater
and waves at Misato, oblivious to the canine relieving itself on
his leg. Asuka jumps between the arguing women.]
Asuka: Life is a game that no one wins
[The boy gets tugged to his left.]
Hikari: But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin'
[Then to his right.]
Kensuke: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit
[Back to the middle.]
Asuka: No take that towel and hang yourself with it
[The others crowd around Asuka.]
Hikari: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf
[Touji gets on his knees and flexes, Hikari rests her hand on
head and ruffles his hair.]
Asuka: So save the planet and kill yourself
[Touji gooses Asuka from behind and continues.]
Touji: If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all
about
[A large red mallet nails Touji into the ground with Asuka
smiling from the other end.]
Asuka: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[With a wiggle of her nose and a snap of her fingers, the
spotlight over the cast activates on cue.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[The Rei chorus returns, but this time wiggle closer to the
boy's face. Asuka blocks his view of the dancing Rei's right
before the blood in the boy's nose reaches critical mass.]
Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out
[The boy loses the fight with his nose when Asuka joins in with
the authoritative swinging of hips of the chorus.]
Asuka: So take your life, instead of taking it for granted
I'm thinking you should can it
[Kensuke whips out a detailed diagram and pie charts.]
Kensuke: I think I'll help you plan it
[Kaji, still in his cardigan sweater, puts a reassuring hand on
the boy's shoulder. The boy cowers away.]
Kaji: Live today like it's gonna be your last
Hang out, blow your mind, have yourself a gas
I hope you take this the wrong way
And misinterpret what I say
Rewind and let me reverse it
Backwards like Judas Priest first did
[Everyone steps away to make room for Gendo emerging from
darkness seated at a desk, his hands interlaced in front of his
face and uttering total jiberish.]
Gendo: Iliovar feeb idrayob fehc ruoy tae dna pu ekaw dlihc
lived
Iliovar feeb idrayob fehc ruoy tae dna pu ekaw dlihc lived
[Asuka hops onto Gendo's desk, taking out a gun and busies
herself polishing it. She gets off the desk and is joined by
Kaoru blowing his trumpet. Asuka waves the gun around
dangerously as the song enters its final chorus. Everyone takes
cover.]
Asuka: Cause life is a game that no one wins
But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin'
[Asuka swings, Kaoru ducks.]
Asuka: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit
No take that towel and hang yourself with it
[Irritated, Asuka swings once more with fervor. Kaoru ducks and
still keeps blowing.]
Asuka: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf
So save the planet and kill yourself
If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about
[Asuka finally connects with Kaoru, knocking him off his feet
and ruining his trumpet. She smiles satisfied and moves into
the boy's face once more.]
Asuka: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[A spotlight flips on over a shooting gallery full of moving,
metal targets resembling the boy in different states of dress.
The redhead takes aim as the cast sings.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[The boy cringes as a target goes down.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[Another target goes down.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[Yet another goes down.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[The final target goes down and the boy finds himself staring at
the barrel of Asuka's gun. She leans in, her smirk engraved on
her face and presses the weapon onto the boy's forehead.
Finally, she leans even closer and whispers.]
Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out
[The boy closes his eyes, waiting for the trigger. To his
surprise, the gun moves away and he feels a peck on the nose. The
lights go out, leaving the boy the solitary figure spotlighted.
He stares ahead vacantly for a moment, hiccups once, falls over,
and the view fades to black.]
Congratulations. The End.
^^Notes:^^
Nothing, really. I mean what do you want me to say?
**Disclaimer:**
EVA is property of Gainex
The song Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out) is
property of the Bloodhound Gang and Geffen Records.
Thanks for sharing the funny with me, please come again...
Bastion
bastion@ix.netcom.com
This one goes out to everyone who's seen the last TV episode of
EVA. So with that in mind, let me get this off my chest real quick like:
*******************************************************************
SPOILERS AHEAD. FIRST GO WATCH THE ENTIRE SEASON OF EVA A FEW TIMES
WHILE BALANCING A CAN OF SPAM ON YOUR NOSE AND THEN READ THIS FIC.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!
*******************************************************************
Have a nice one, peeps.
Now, without further ado....
*===================================================================*
Lift Your Head Up High
aka
Bastion's Tribute to the Last Episode of EVA
by Bastion
*===================================================================*
Inspired by the song, Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out)
by the Bloodhound Gang.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. *.*.*.*
[The screen is black and when, in ominous fashion, white words
emerge from the darkness..]
It was 2016 A.D.
The thing people lost, in other words, the complementation of
the mind is on the run.
However, it's too short a time to describe the entire process.
[They slowly disappear, only to be instantly replaced.]
Therefore, we discuss on the complementation of the mind of one
single boy named Ikari Shinji.
[The characters dissipate into the background, and a spotlight
shines on a young, frail brown-haired boy, with the caption,
'Case 3: In the case of Ikari Shinji.' appearing above him.
They fade away and the boy sits in his chair in silence, when
suddenly he hears clapping and echoes of music everywhere.
Without warning, a large group of familiar faces are illuminated
by enigmatic spotlights.]
All: <clapping> Lift your head up high and blow your brains out!
[Then a redhead in a school uniform dances out from the
darkness, holding a microphone connected to a toy mini-piano.
Suddenly, her face is just mere inches from the boy's.]
Asuka: Do you still go to raves? Do you think Christ saves?
Do you spend your days in a Purple Haze?
Do you contemplate what a grape nut is?
Or could you live drinkin' your own whiz?
[A purple haired woman in a red jacket and black dress pops out
of the blackness under a spotlight, wagging a finger at the boy
while clutching an alcoholic beverage.]
Misato: Are you hooked on a feeling are you hooked on
gin-n-tonics?
Are you hooked on fistin' are you hooked on phonics?
[Asuka pushes out the woman and nails the boy square between the
eyes with a box of tissues. The boy finds himself on his back
with the smirking, upside down visage of Asuka still in his
vision.]
Asuka: Did you ever have sex with a box of Kleenex?
[The boy blushes and gasps as his chair's jerked upright again
to be confront by a blond boy in camouflage who begins to take
out objects from assorted pockets on his person.]
Kensuke: Did you like the movie Malcolm X?
Or do you own a record by Stryper?
Do you have a mongoloid cousin wearin' diapers?
Were you born and raised in New Jersey?
Did you like the taste of Crystal Pepsi?
[The redhead pushes the blond aside and continues to sing into
her toy synthesizer, dancing provocatively in the boy's face.]
Asuka: Are you deaf? Well if you are you can't hear me
But what's the use of living if your ear's be?
Broken even if I had spoken clearly
You're stall knot table two ear mi
[The girl scratches her inner ear and rubs it contents on the
boy's shoulder.]
Asuka: Cause life is a game that no one wins
But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin'
[Asuka waves her finger at the boy.]
Asuka: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit
[A towel slaps the boy in the face.]
Asuka: No take that towel and hang yourself with it
[Before the boy can peel the towel off his face, it squeezes
dangerously around his neck, the redhead smiles as she applies
more pressure.]
Asuka: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf
[She steps back and poses. The boy takes in a gulp of air.]
Asuka: So save the planet and kill yourself
If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about
Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[Suddenly, the entire cast is spotlighted once again.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[A chorus of Reis dance into view, wiggling their hips to the
rhythm of the music.]
Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out
[The chorus wiggles once more and vanishes. Then two spotlights
follow Ritsuko and Misato, Major Katsuragi whispers to the boy
while playfully pointing to the blonde.]
Misato: Does your girlfriend look like the chick from M*A*S*H?
Dead ringer for Klinger with a thicker mustache?
[A pale, grey-haired boy in a blue dress walks between Ritsuko
and the boy. The grey-haired boy curtsies and smiles gayly at
the boy and walks off. The boy and Ritsuko stare in disbelief,
Misato carries on obliviously.]
Misato: When you're at a get-together does everybody always ask?
Ain't no Halloween party why's she wearin' that mask?
[Misato giggles. The blonde straightens her lab coat and aims
her retort towards the boy.]
Ritsuko: Does she got more Chins than the Chinese phone book?
[Glowering at Ritsuko, Misato replies back to the boy.]
Misato: Would you rather make out with a rusty fish hook?
[Now the two women are talking directly to each other much to
the boy's chagrin.]
Ritsuko: Does she stick to linoleum when she squats?
Misato: Does she look pregnant although she's not?
[The blonde puts her hands on her hips and gives her fellow
woman the one, two.]
Ritsuko: Did you first see your boyfriend on Cops?
[Kaji is shown being escorted by law enforcement officers. He
smiles a toothy smile at Misato.]
Ritsuko: Or at a Star Trek convention or on top?
[In the old style Star Trek uniform, Kaji lifts his hand and
attempts the Vulcan sign without much success while one of his
fake ears fall off.]
Ritsuko: Of your best friend or maybe at Wendy's?
Workin' third shift late New Year's Eve?
[Now Kaji appears wearing an apron and oblong hat. He waves at
Misato as he flips a burger. She sighs.]
Ritsuko: Does he live under a bridge, scare kids, and kill
squirrels?
[A very dingy Kaji pops up from under a bridge, wearing red robes while
wearing a white wig with dog ears on top. Barring his fake
fangs, he scares everyone. Then he smiles a maize-like smile
and waves at Misato.]
Ritsuko: Does he do kegstands until he hurls?
[From in front of a toilet, Kaji weakly lifts his hand and waves
while continuing his porcelain praising.]
Ritsuko: Could a blind man mistake his complexion for Braille?
[Kaji, wearing a long cloak and a hood over his face, limps into
view. Removing his hood, he smiles, though it's hardly visible
through all the lumps of skin. He waves at Misato. She
shivers.]
Ritsuko: Does he have time to sit around and wait for the mail?
[Standing next to mail box Kaji dusts off his cardigan sweater
and waves at Misato, oblivious to the canine relieving itself on
his leg. Asuka jumps between the arguing women.]
Asuka: Life is a game that no one wins
[The boy gets tugged to his left.]
Hikari: But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin'
[Then to his right.]
Kensuke: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit
[Back to the middle.]
Asuka: No take that towel and hang yourself with it
[The others crowd around Asuka.]
Hikari: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf
[Touji gets on his knees and flexes, Hikari rests her hand on
head and ruffles his hair.]
Asuka: So save the planet and kill yourself
[Touji gooses Asuka from behind and continues.]
Touji: If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all
about
[A large red mallet nails Touji into the ground with Asuka
smiling from the other end.]
Asuka: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[With a wiggle of her nose and a snap of her fingers, the
spotlight over the cast activates on cue.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[The Rei chorus returns, but this time wiggle closer to the
boy's face. Asuka blocks his view of the dancing Rei's right
before the blood in the boy's nose reaches critical mass.]
Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out
[The boy loses the fight with his nose when Asuka joins in with
the authoritative swinging of hips of the chorus.]
Asuka: So take your life, instead of taking it for granted
I'm thinking you should can it
[Kensuke whips out a detailed diagram and pie charts.]
Kensuke: I think I'll help you plan it
[Kaji, still in his cardigan sweater, puts a reassuring hand on
the boy's shoulder. The boy cowers away.]
Kaji: Live today like it's gonna be your last
Hang out, blow your mind, have yourself a gas
I hope you take this the wrong way
And misinterpret what I say
Rewind and let me reverse it
Backwards like Judas Priest first did
[Everyone steps away to make room for Gendo emerging from
darkness seated at a desk, his hands interlaced in front of his
face and uttering total jiberish.]
Gendo: Iliovar feeb idrayob fehc ruoy tae dna pu ekaw dlihc
lived
Iliovar feeb idrayob fehc ruoy tae dna pu ekaw dlihc lived
[Asuka hops onto Gendo's desk, taking out a gun and busies
herself polishing it. She gets off the desk and is joined by
Kaoru blowing his trumpet. Asuka waves the gun around
dangerously as the song enters its final chorus. Everyone takes
cover.]
Asuka: Cause life is a game that no one wins
But you deserve a headstart the way your life's goin'
[Asuka swings, Kaoru ducks.]
Asuka: So throw in the towel cause your life ain't shit
No take that towel and hang yourself with it
[Irritated, Asuka swings once more with fervor. Kaoru ducks and
still keeps blowing.]
Asuka: Life's short and hard like a body-building elf
So save the planet and kill yourself
If your feeling down-and-out with what your life is all about
[Asuka finally connects with Kaoru, knocking him off his feet
and ruining his trumpet. She smiles satisfied and moves into
the boy's face once more.]
Asuka: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
[A spotlight flips on over a shooting gallery full of moving,
metal targets resembling the boy in different states of dress.
The redhead takes aim as the cast sings.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[The boy cringes as a target goes down.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[Another target goes down.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[Yet another goes down.]
All: Lift your head up and blow your brains out!
*BANG!*
[The final target goes down and the boy finds himself staring at
the barrel of Asuka's gun. She leans in, her smirk engraved on
her face and presses the weapon onto the boy's forehead.
Finally, she leans even closer and whispers.]
Asuka: Lift your head up high and blow your brains out
[The boy closes his eyes, waiting for the trigger. To his
surprise, the gun moves away and he feels a peck on the nose. The
lights go out, leaving the boy the solitary figure spotlighted.
He stares ahead vacantly for a moment, hiccups once, falls over,
and the view fades to black.]
Congratulations. The End.
^^Notes:^^
Nothing, really. I mean what do you want me to say?
**Disclaimer:**
EVA is property of Gainex
The song Lift Your Head Up High (And Blow Your Brains Out) is
property of the Bloodhound Gang and Geffen Records.
Thanks for sharing the funny with me, please come again...
Bastion
bastion@ix.netcom.com