Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ New Perspective Evangelion ❯ A first time.... ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

New Perspective Evangelion

If I was doing this today, this would be the start of part 2.

I don't own Evangelion someone else does.
A lot of stuff may be copyrighted
I don't own it either
It's just a harmless World Domination Plot in secret code anyway.

I...I

"So Noriko-chan, how's it going?" The digitised Dr. Akagi asked.

She was speaking Japanese, though slowly for my benefit.

"I am...em...okay." I answered stutteringly, pausing while I figured out which honorific to use, what was it one of the lieutenants had called her?

"Em...Akagi-dono," I tried.

"Good." she responded after a few nerve racking moments. "Is training going well?"

It took a few moments for me to translate into my mind. Then another short second for me to work out my response, then to work out how to answer back.

"Yes," I said brightly. "But...em...difficult it be."

Although I was sure I sounded like a Japanese dubbed Yoda, I couldn't help but get some small sense of accomplishment from that small conversation.

"It is," Akagi switched to my native language, to my great relief. "We need to bring you up to the same level as the other Children in a short space of time."

"I know," I said. "Hard work though."

I glanced down at my plugsuited body, the yellow moulded suit nice and comfortable, if it a little tight around the waist. I was still though, feeling the effects of that morning's physical training, my legs feeling stiff and heavy, as if made of solid lead.

At least the LCL was soothingly warm, like a hot bath. All it needed was something for the smell and it'd be perfect.

"Someone once said Effort and Guts bear fruit." the Doctor said. "Prepare yourself, we're about to commence the activation sequence. Keep your mind open and remember your breathing exercises."

"Roger."

I closed my eyes, and listened as the countdown begun. My third time going through a full activation test and most of my fears had melted away.

Just breath in through the nose, hold, and slowly back out through the mouth.

I could feel Unit 03's presence slowly creeping into my own awareness, the borderline once again approaching. I grasped for the EVA with my mind, trying to allow it to enter.

I could feel it filtering through, gently overriding my own senses, an electric liquid sensation flowing over my body as the power levels rose.

Point 03 and I closed my eyes, a brilliant technicolor light show sparking across the inside of my eyelids.

Point 02 and gentle apprehension clenched my chest, that maybe this time might be when she went berserk.

Point 01 and I held my breath, but not before noting the location of the ejection handles.

Borderline and exhale as my mind was exposed to what felt like a naked vacuum of sensation, my awareness swallowed whole by this great empty void, my conscious feeling like it could fill every inch of the biomechanical titans body.

I gasped for breath, my body tensing for a moment before it released, the sudden rush of power quickly tailing away to a gentle, soothing flow of feeling.

Projected onto the inside of my own eyes for a moment, was the ghosted image of the cage wall, seemingly mere feet in front of me, almost like I could reach out with my own arm and touch it.

And then, I opened them and stared at it through my own digital displays, more distant now, but perfectly sharp and in focus. Green wire frame icons flashed to life, comm's windows and system's status displays announcing themselves with a stream of irritating electronic beeps.

And then, silence again, except for the distant whirr of circulation pumps and the creaking of warming metal.

Giving everything a quick glance, nothing stood out as being out of place, no flashing read lights or blaring alarms.

"Evangelion Unit 03 Active and stable," I reported in Japanese, though I was reading the words from my plugsuit sleeve.

Control; "Acknowledged Unit 03. Test procedure commencing seventeen hundred thirty three hours."

It wasn't Akagi's voice that answered, but one that was younger and, if such a thing was possible, sounded cuter.

Maya Ibuki, she had to be. Recognising faces wasn't always possible, simply because real people don't have large animé eyes and pointy hair.. I might've even passed the brunette in a corridor somewhere and not noticed, though, looking at the image of the young woman on the comm's window beside me, it wasn't too hard to see the resemblance.

Still, it only seemed to work after I'd recognised who they were.

"Akagi-Sempai," I heard her calling for the Doctor, before asking a question I couldn't understand, followed by an equally incomprehensible answer.

Technically, I mused privately, I am roughly the same age as her.

I smiled.

Control; "Noriko, concentrate on your left leg." The voice of Doctor Akagi directed, before I'd had the chance to get to far down that path. "Can you feel anything out of place?"

Back to the test then.

Focus on my leg.

What do I feel?

Heavy, what might be the armour hanging off the flesh. Stiff, from the two hours of PT I'd been put through earlier. Buzzing, almost like someone was playing my calf like a violin, a ghost of a taught bow being drawn across the back of my leg. It was a strange sensation, like anything related.

"It feels weird." I answered, searching for a better way to describe it. "It's like when..em.. it's like just before you get pins and needles. It's buzzing."

Control; "Standby."

A moments pause and the feeling shifted, attenuating itself into a dry scrabbed itching that demanded I try and scratch, though the Plugsuit itself made that a little difficult.

And then a cooling fluid numbness washing it away.

Control; "Any different?"

"It's gone." I answered.

Control; "Acknowledged. Continue test. Time remaining; Two hours, fifty-seven minutes and thirty seconds."

And then, I was left alone in the entry plug, the circulation pumps whining beneath my seat. A quick glance over my shoulder showed the synchro-graph, hovering at just above twenty, And then I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to drift away on the tide of nerve pulses.

It was comfortable in that entry plug, and peaceful.

I felt like I could quite happily have sat there the rest of my life, enjoying the warm embrace of the LCL.

A small digital watch moulded into my wrist on the other hand, told me I had two hours and forty-five minutes left.

But, all good things had to come to end, and the sync test was one of them. Feeling somewhat proud of myself for having broken twenty percent, albeit by the slimmest of margins, I was able to change out of my plugsuit in relative peace since nobody had decided to join me in the locker rooms.

Alone, I could think I was beginning to adjust to my biological circumstances. A redhead who'd taken pity on me certainly helped. I still wondered at her motives, but I was smart enough not to spit it back in her face.

It was her who'd advised me to use the 'Women Only' carriage on the subway. While I still felt like a Trekkie at a Star Wars convention when surrounded by others of the female persuasion, Asuka'd left me under no doubt that to do otherwise would be extremely dangerous to my sanity.

Walking the short distance from the train station up to the apartment felt as if I was climbing Everest. At best, I might've weighed between four and five stone, but a days hard training meant it felt more like fifty.

I was glad to reach the steel door to the Katsuragi apartment though. It may not have been home, but it was still a welcome sight.

"I'm home," I announced my arrival as I'd been taught, slipping small feet from white tennis shoes.

"Welcome home," Shinji answered.

"Oh hey Noriko," Asuka chimed in, distracted by a textbook.

The two Pilots were sat at the kitchen table, schoolbooks piled in what seemed a haphazard manner between them.

"What...em... what...being done?" I questioned in broken Japanese.

Where'd my phrasebook get to anyway?

"Homework," came a synchronised reply, weighted down by partial fractions and verb conjugations.

I smiled a deep self satisfied smile. No ability to speak Japanese meant no school for me and, glancing at Asuka's uniform, no need to wear a skirt.

"Well, it is good for some," Asuka huffed to herself, before turning and grinning. "Of course, some' have their procedure's manuals to study, as well as the locations of every armament building, power point and launch catapult, and their Japanese language lessons." she finished in English.

I groaned and shuffled my feet, conceding as I realised that my Bavarian room-mate had won the point before I'd even realised it was up for grabs.

And the worst thing was, it was true. Forty-five armoury's, thirty-two power points and twenty-seven launch catapults, and I had to memorise the location of each and every one of them.

And I was hungry.

"Dinner...ready?" I questioned.

"Yes," Shinji answered, followed by some sentence featuring Misato's name as he gestured towards the microwave. It sounded like a warning, but I was too hungry to care.

What seemed to be pork ramen with some brown stuff slopped across the top of it sat waiting in a cardboard bucket. It looked about as appetising as something that had been picked up off the floor of a late night bus, but hunger was proving itself a better sauce than anything by Heinz.

A ding from the microwave announced that my evening repast had been fully reheated. Dismissing what sounded like another warning from the Pilot of Unit 01, I studied the overcooked pot of noodles for a moment.

It smelled like curry.

It smelled better than anything I'd ever had in a restaurant

Just sniffing the mixture of ginger, curry spices and onion made my eyes water and my nose tingle teasingly.

Hot and spicy, just the way I liked it.

"Misato cooked that," Asuka said a I broke my chopsticks. "It's classified by the UN as a chemical weapon."

"I like a bit of curry." I licked my lips, wafting steaming pot through the air, Asuka shrinking back from it like Superman from kryptonite as I passed her.

"Well, It's your digestive system."

"Curry, curry, curry." I grinned. "I love it."

Shinji coughed, redfaced as he buried himself in his arms, snickering privately to himself at some joke, to which myself and Asuka remained oblivious.

"Gomen Nasai," he tried to apologise between muffled laughs, hiding from Asuka behind a textbook.

The pair of us just looked at each other, wondering what was so funny.

"Baka," Sorhyu muttered, and left it at that.

An empty snarl from my stomach though, reminded me that I had more important things to do.

Dropping onto the couch behind me, I looked forward to savouring my meal, no matter how simple it might be. Although aware of the reputation of Misato's cooking, I was pretty certain it's assumed ability to strip paint was an exaggeration.

I wasn't aware I had an audience as I dug my chopsticks into the steaming brown heap, getting a purchase on...something. Tentatively, I brought a noodle wrapped chunk of meat to my mouth, inhaling it's burning scent.

And then, it's volcanic fury erupted on my palate.

Aside from the meat being overcooked to the point of being usable as a tyre for a light truck, it wasn't too bad. It hit the spot nicely anyway, being hot enough to clear my sinuses, and satisfyingly filling.

Asuka and Shinji both gave me a strange, funny look as if to say "How could you manage to eat that?"

I guess you just had to have a taste for it.

Or be starving hungry.

"I'm home," Another weary voice broke the peace.

I looked up from a Japanese grammar book to see Misato propping herself against the doorway, slipping out of her shoes.

"Welcome home," I answered.

"Good to be," she sighed, hanging her coat beside the door, fetching herself a fresh can of beer before dropping on the couch beside me, cracking the can, and knocking half of it back in one resolute gulp.

"Worth waiting for," she smacked her lips.

I eyed her jealously. The worst thing about being fourteen was being below the legal age. Then, I forced myself to look at the television, before Misato caught me looking.

Then, slowly, out of the corner of my eyes almost, I looked at her, then down at myself.

Misato wore a pair of cargo shorts and purple tank top, leaving little to the imagination. Looking at my own jeans and t-shirt combination, my figure comfortably hidden by loose fabric, I was beginning to wonder if I had to wear clothes like her.

Or Asuka for that matter.

The mere thought of wearing anything remotely revealing or feminine encouraged me to hide myself further beneath a jacket, or beneath the sheets of my own bed. But weirdly, of all the things I'd worn, I was most comfortable wearing a form fitting plugsuit.

Gruffly shifting my supporting underwear into a more comfortable position. Maybe because everything is held nice and steady.

I really was beginning to hate Misty May.

Looking at the future Major's ample breasts, I wanted to ask her how she dealt with them, desperate for any possible advice that could help me deal with myself. But, she'd probably just laugh at me, and there was no way I'd mention it to Asuka.

I just forced myself to watch the television, and what I guessed was a documentary about IJN capital ships of World War 2.

Shinji asked a polite question, answered quickly and somewhat scornfully by Asuka, as if the answer should've been obvious to everyone, while Pen-Pen waddled up, the penguin's master lifting him onto her lap, holding him close to her chest.

Then, she offered the almost empty can, the genetically engineered bird quarking cheerfully as he took the golden can between his beak, and knocked back the entirety of the remains.

I chuckled at the sight, the bird a perfect mirror for Misato.

"Kawaii," I smiled.

My guardian's answer though, I didn't understand.

What never ceased to amaze me, was how normal everyone was, Shinji especially. I'd been half expecting a ball of angst huddling in the corner, wilting like a delicate flower beneath the gentlest touch, but, as another argument between himself and Asuka boiled up, he stood his ground like any normal teenager. Sitting there that night, among those normal people, I was beginning to think that perhaps, I could be comfortable and content living with them. But, I was tired, and I had training the next day, so I went to bed.

I...I

Sunday morning was the end of my first full week living in the Katsuragi apartment.

It was also a day off from training for me, and the only day off from school for Asuka and Shinji. Quietly passing from my shared room, through the kitchen/living room, I yawned and stretched my stiff limbs.

"Good morning Noriko," Shinji greeted.

"Morning Shinji," I smiled back, scratching myself underarm.

He was cooking miso soup, I recognised the smell. As much as I was, technically, Japanese, nothing about a traditional Japanese breakfast really appealed to me. I'd tried some miso during the week and pretty much hated it.

Dig out some cereal or toast then, something filling anyway.

But, first things first.

One demand my female body made was to to be kept clean. It was also one demand I definitely enjoyed keeping. It may have been some weird psychosexual thing, the sort of thing that would give Freud headaches, or it may just have been some instinct hardwired into the female brain. Either way, it was good to be clean. I picked my favourite towel from the hot press, and sleepily, I slid the door open, to be met with a rather surprised German redhead, standing with one foot in the shower, the other on the tiled floor, a towel slung over the showerscreen.

I gulped, my mind taking a moment to catch up with the fact that she was naked. Not actually anything I hadn't seen before, but still.

"Hey, I'm in here!" she barked

"Sorry," I blurted out.

We stared at each other for a second.

"I'm in here first, Fourth, remember? Now close the door!"

"Right, sorry,"

Blushing privately, I slid it shut again, the lightweight door not even having a lock fitted.

Dropping down at the table, I waited for breakfast, while the shower began to hum away to itself. I'd just have to wait for her to finish. I was wearing nothing but a long t-shirt, sitting opposite Shinji as we both ate.

I could smell myself as I ate, a hot night's sweat on my nightwear. I was sure Shinji could too, the way he'd look up at me, then down at his own bowl, then back up at me.

"Noriko," he started, breaking eye contact for an instant, before forcing himself to look at me. "Why did...EVA. "

"Um...I don't understand," I repeated a stock phrase I'd been taught.

"Why do you pilot EVA?" Shinji simplified it.

The question hung there in my mind. I translated it and retranslated it to make sure I understood it. And then, I had to figure out an answer. Why did I agree to Pilot an Evangelion?

Because...And...

Fill in the blanks.

Okay.

I wanted to be a Pilot, I was sure of that. I was sure I wanted to be one. But still, when Misato first offered me the chance, why did I just jump up and say yes?

The simple answer was because I'd seen Neon Genesis Evangelion on television, and thought it would be cool to actually pilot a giant robot of my own. That was it, but I could hardly tell Shinji that, could I?

Compared to what I knew about the blue eyed boy, still waiting patiently for my answer, it sounded almost stupid.

And still, he waited.

Say something inoffensive, until I can come up with a better answer. Just don't say something stupid.

"I like EVA."

Shinji nodded.

"But...," he thought, while I telepathically asked him to drop it. "Why?"

I still didn't know how to answer that.

"Good morning guys," Misato answered for me.

Thank you.

"Morning," I smiled, Shinji parroting.

The fridge was opened, and, according to routine, the Captain picked herself a golden can, cracked it open, and downed it all in one great gulp.

"Good stuff!" she announced, followed by a burp.

And still, the shower hummed.

Why was Asuka taking so long?

Misato and Shinji discussed the day's agenda, while I stared at the shower door, waiting for the redhead to be finished.

Eventually, maybe three quarters of an hour after I'd first burst in on her, she appeared wearing her yellow sundress.

She was fully made up, not just cleaned, but polished to a shine. Her hair had a conditioned sheen to it, perfectly tied up beneath her two red clips, with no split ends, and perfectly symmetrical. Her dress was pressed and pleated, with not a single stain, spot, or stitch out of place that I could see. The amount of effort she'd put into her appearance was evident for all to see, and she wanted all to see it.

Asuka was awesome.

A quick, giddy thrill flashed through my thoughts as I wondered if I might be able to look like that sometime. Maybe with a bit of work of course, some make-up, some new clothes perhaps, but it would be possible.

Ew...No... not if I had a choice anyway.

At least, I hoped not if I had the choice.

Shinji, on the other hand, had used my moments indecision to his decisive advantage, and had bolted to the bathroom, the door slipping shut with bladder beating thud.

"So Asuka, when is Kaji coming?" Misato questioned.

"Two hours," The German girl announced.

Another question from our guardian, maybe asking where they were going, and I lost the conversation. I tried to pick bits out of it, but there wasn't much else I could get beyond that they were going somewhere together in two hours.

That was until she realised she'd forgotten something in the bathroom and went to get it.

Asuka gently pushed the door open, and for a moment, there was silence as whatever her eyes were seeing took it's time to enter her brain, where it stewed for a few heartbeats until she finally understood what she was seeing. And then.

Asuka screamed.

It was a scream of such utter disgusted intensity it sent Pen-Pen running scared to his fridge and started a harmonic rattle of fear in the balcony windows. It was so loud, I wasn't sure for a second if she was still going, or if she'd stopped and my ears were still ringing.

"Pervert!" the cry went up. "Masturbating because you'd seen me all dressed up."

Shinji's response was a muffled and rather stunned "What?"

Sohryu growled, then grinned as the battle was joined. I looked to Misato, wondering if I'd heard that right. Judging by the way she was snickering childishly into her beercan muttering about 'little Shin-chan' to herself, I'd gotten it right on the button.

"I saw your hand on it!" Asuka announced with all the zeal of a good prosecuting attorney.

"What, I don't, " The third child sputtered, searching for his mental balance. "You were looking at me in the bathroom?"

One point to Shinji as his assailant took a step back, Asuka baulking as she scanned for a comeback. I was just trying to fill in the blanks of my understanding as best I could.

I seemed to be getting most of it right.

"Why would I want to look at it, it's tiny anyway..."

I winced for Shinji's sake, the Second Child's verbal missiles hitting the worst possible place. Then I snorted laughing, struggling to hold it in before joining Misato in her snickering game.

I heard a cough, followed by a searching stutter, Unit 01's Pilot desperately searching for an answer.

"Why would I want to masturbate over you, you're ugly anyway..."

A calm of such infinite depth followed, a heavy silence waiting for a storm that would rival the intensity of the bastard lovechild of the worst Pacific Typhoon and the wildest Atlantic Hurricane.

Asuka's response was little more than a trilingual shriek of redfaced fury that I couldn't hope to have been able to follow. I was much to busy keeping myself from spitting chewed toast as I laughed. Quickly, the battle between the two Pilot's reached a crescendo of fury, no quarter being asked or being given.

As the pressure in my bladder increased, I was forced to ask myself if Shinji would ever be leaving that bathroom, whether he'd try and run the Sohryu blockade, or just spend the rest of his life is his tiled prison.

I looked to Misato, who was wearing a foxish grin as she swirled her second beer.

"Normal," she said to me, before she downed the remnants of the can.

Clearly she was enjoying the battle. I groaned a little, instinct demanding I cross my legs to defeat the building pressure.

She ruffled her hair for a moment, looking to the battle, then stretching herself with a yawn.

"Asuka," she said, chewing air, her grin growing wider. "Why are you still looking at him?"

Silence, as the question hung heavily in the air. Slowly, Asuka began to turn a bright shade of pink.

"I wasn't!" she spat, before rattling off something in German that didn't sound too nice at all.

"Ladies shouldn't speak like that," Katsuragi remarked, before another crushing attack in Asuka's native tongue.

The target growled, tossed her hair and stormed back to the room she shared with me. Asuka slammed the door hard behind her, hard enough that it bounced back almost half way. It closed again with a thud and I heard her drop onto her bed inside with a defeated rustle of sheets.

"Shinji," Misato's attention shifted like a tracking gun turret, "Please wash your hands when you're finished."

"I wasn't!" the boy whined. "I don't do that, it's disgusting."

"Sure you don't."

There was a loud, submissive groan, followed quickly by the flush of a toilet and the running of a tap. Whether he had or hadn't been was moot now, and I think he knew it. The accusation was out there, there was no real way to fight in any more. He just slipped back into the former closet that was his bedroom and gently slid the door shut.

I didn't take any chances.

I made sure I was next into that bathroom, jumping over a desperately waddling penguin before skidding on a lonely sock and tumbling through the half open door, struggling to stay somewhat upright.

After quickly relieving the pressure, I stood under the hot falling water, thinking about the little scene I had just witnessed. It took all my willpower not to just break out laughing again, and inhale shampoo suds in the process.

There was something comforting about it though, but I didn't know what.

It felt natural somehow.

But my body still had tasks it demanded of me.

All EVA pilots were required to keep their bodies clean shaven, because of the plugsuit, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I kind of felt sorry for Shinji though.

That couldn't be comfortable for him.

Slipping a dry towel around my figure, I padded my way still dripping to my shared bedroom, where Asuka had her face buried in some clothes catalogue. There was a tense air in the room, and I felt as if I might be stepping onto to plate of a bear trap. I braced myself for the jaws to swing shut.

"She always sides with him," Sohryu snarled. "He's pathetic. All he has to do is whine and she runs to his side, pretending she can be his mother."

I hummed to show I was listening, more concerned with finding clean underwear.

"Of course, he's nothing but a disgusting little pervert, jerking himself off over the toilet when he thought nobody could catch him."

I wanted to come to Shinji's defence, somehow. I felt I had to stand up for my former gender. But still, Asuka was pissed, and it wasn't because she'd caught Shinji...in the act. At least, I didn't think it was.

But, she was supposed to be my friend.

Maybe I should take her side then?

"You told me, they're all like that," I ventured.

"Right. Every single one of them. A herd of H-game playing, skirt chasing Neanderthals who's prime ambition in life is to stick it into anything that has the remotest sense of a pulse and some things that don't."

Ouch. I felt a Quisling to my kind, either because of that, or my search for clean panties.

"Of course," she continued. "That's just the boys. Real men on the other hand, that's different..."

"Huh?"

"Not like that housebroken idiot. A real man who flirts with danger by day, and can be suave, smooth and sophisticated by night."

I grinned. I think I got what she meant.

"Like James Bond? "

"Yes, but not fictional," she said. "You haven't met Kaji yet, have you?"

I knew who Kaji was, what he did, what he will do, and how he died...em will die.

"No," I answered, struggling the hide my smile. "Who is he?"

"Oh he's awesome. He was supposed to be my guardian here, but I got stuck in this madhouse instead with an alcoholic, a mutant and a perverted idiot. But, he's still taking me out to Tokyo-2 to go shopping today. He promised before we came, and a real man keeps his promises."

"Uh-huh." I nodded, realising my underwear search would be fruitless. "Shinji done the washing yet?"

"Not likely," she snorted. "He's lazy too. He always waits until the basket is full, instead of doing things weekly like normal people. I always run out of clothes"

"Yeah," I sighed, "Not good when you have only six sets of underwear."

It was beginning to seem like like I'd be spending the day in my nightwear. Not that I'd really mind. The Lord did say that Sunday should be a day of rest after all, and I'd planned to make myself acquainted with Japanese television anyway. What was the difference between doing it nightwear, or normal wear?

My pyjama's would be warmer, that's what.

"Borrow some of mine then."

I baulked, wanting to refuse, especially seeing the pink items she'd just picked up out of her bedside drawer. She tossed them to me, the undergarments looping through the air. I reached up and plucked them from the air.

And then stopped.

I'd caught them in my left hand.

Weird.

I was normally right handed.

"What? They'll still fit, you are slightly smaller than me after all,"

And then I remembered what I was holding. I didn't shudder, I just grimaced slightly and accepted them with a polite "Thank You." There was no real use fighting it in any rate.

And what did she mean by smaller? I was at least a year older than her, if I'd remembered correctly. No way a Thirteen year old girl would have a figure like Asuka did, unless Second Impact had changed a few things. It wasn't like she was much bigger, only an inch or two at the most.

I was taller by about the same, only about an inch or so behind Misato.

Might just have been that I was a little underfed, since I'd been in a hospital.

Another thing to feel self conscious about anyway.

At least the pink things sort of fitted, and nobody would really have to see them, but still, one thing was uncomfortably obvious to me.

"I need to get some more clothes."

"Come to Tokyo-2 then," Asuka cut into my thoughts. "You can come with me as long as you don't get between me and Kaji."

I hated shopping trips, I really did. I hated being used as a combination carthorse/mobile bank by my girlfriend and her friends. Just ten more minutes would quickly drag into one hour, then two, sitting, waiting, watching as they fretted over colour patterns and whether a 'smaller size would fit better after the diet'.

Then would come the immortal 'Does my bum look big in this?'

She always demanded the truth from me, but when that truth became dangerous to my health I figured it was best for her to remain oblivious to certain facts. That didn't change the fact that I needed something to wear other than borrowed pink...things.

And that decided once and for all what I was to going to be doing for the rest of the day. There was something exciting about it too. What was Tokyo-2 like? Would it be like Tokyo-3, a planned city with wide streets and tall, antiseptically uniform buildings?

Or would it be more like the images of Old Tokyo I'd seen in a hundred films and animé, only without Godzilla or the Neo-Nerima-2 wrecking crew?

"I'll come Asuka," I said. "It sounds like fun."

"Great, we can get you into some proper clothes there as well, instead of those cheap style-less things you wear."

She was talking about the blue jeans I was slipping into. I knew what she meant by 'proper' clothes too, and it was enough to make me reconsider joining her on her day trip.

"I like these clothes." I said defensively. "They're comfortable."

"They're so unflattering," the fashion expert argued. "You can't even see your figure."

I groaned. I didn't want anyone to see my figure.

"Comfort is more important I think."

"Yeah, but in weather like this, jeans are too heavy and clammy anyway. A nice skirt, or a pair shorts are much comfier, and they'll look better too."

It wasn't really that sort of comfort I had in mind, but there was no way I could really answer without giving away my secret. Besides, just because I paid for it, didn't mean I'd have to wear it.

Another victory for Asuka then.

"Perhaps," I deflected, before changing the subject. "Anyway, how did you beat the Sixth Angel again?"

"Oh that," she took the bait. "That was easy, despite the fact that I only had a minute's power left in the batteries at the start, and I had to take the Third Child into the plug for a ride, and he couldn't even think in German, so I had to do everything in Japanese."

The best way to get along with Asuka, and to avoid unpleasant subjects, was to simply encourage her to tell you more about herself. It allowed me to get myself dressed in relative peace. I didn't even have to pretend I was listening. It was fascinating to hear about the Angel battle, and try to match it to the events I'd seen on television.

I knew I'd be getting a rather one sided account of it, but I wasn't too bothered by that fact. A quick Q & A session about EVA combat was a satisfying way to pass a few hours, my German comrade growing steadily more restless as she waited for her date to arrive.

Then, sometime just before twelve the bell rang.

That was shortly followed by a redhaired flash bolting for the door, squealing "Kajiiiiiii!"

The door slid open and Asuka quickly wrapped herself around the man standing there, burying herself into his waiting arms. At least, I think that's what she thought she was doing. The blue shirted man looked up at the ceiling above him, as if to beseech aid from some invisible deity.

"It's so good of you to come Kaji!" Sorhyu beamed. "It's so nice to see you again,"

"Nice to see you too Asuka," he said, struggling to push the limpet-like teenager off him. "Is Katsuragi here?"

Asuka stepped back, pouting and looking almost betrayed, the knowledge that he had eyes for some other woman clearly not sitting too well with her.

"She's in the shower," Asuka said, her tone sour. "She'll be a long time, so can we just go now?"

"No Asuka," the unshaven man answered, followed by what I guessed was some way of saying that there was plenty of time.

There was a protest from the Second Child, something to do with 'Four hours'. Again, Kaji responded with a deadpan "Plenty of time," before he noticed me, standing in the bedroom door. I was hoping he wouldn't.

"You must be the Fourth Child," he said warmly, the unshaven man wearing a smile that just made me uncomfortable. Either that, or a jealous pair of glacier blue eyes glaring straight through me. "It's a pleasure to meet you miss."

I hated being called miss. I hated the way he seemed to tower over me. I hated the way he was looking at me, with sleep starved eyes that contrasted a warm smile. He seemed to be staring right through me somehow, at a point on the wall behind me.

"I speak poor Japanese," I responded quietly, praying he'd just smile and nod, and leave me alone.

"I speak good English," he answered warmly.

Well, that was just Brilliant, wasn't it?.

The one person I didn't want to talk to, was pretty much the one person I could.

Just another way for the world to screw with my head.

"That's nice," I said, not sounding too thrilled.

"The Fourth Child is coming with us Kaji, she needs to get some new clothes too, if that's okay with you of course," Sohryu came to my rescue.

Again, the older man rolled his eyes. It would be a long day for him. It was then that I remembered something important, something I would need if I were to actually pay for anything.

Money.

I didn't have any.

And where did Asuka get hers anyway?

I...I

Tokyo-2 was everything I expected it to be, and more, the glittering nude glass cages of the new city towering up to one hundred stories and more above me. Even in daylight, it seemed as if the only light at street level was coming from the myriad of neon signs advertising as many different products and services as there were people crossing the streets.

There was a bustle about the place that the third Tokyo lacked, the streets of the second city being black with hurrying business people, shoppers, and nest of otaku who eyed me up, all rushing to get to wherever they needed to go.

There was an electrical, almost cyberpunk air to the place and I found myself expecting BMW mounted biker gangs rushing around the corner chasing the city winds, or scanning the duck-egg skies for Knight-Sabres darting overhead.

I nearly fell over backwards onto my ass.

"Don't get lost Noriko," Kaji called after me, himself and Asuka having gotten slightly ahead of me. "You don't know the city, you'd never be found."

To show how serious he was, he spoke in my own language.

"I'm okay!" I shouted back to him. "Just watching something is all."

What I was watching, was a giant screen showing Neo-Tokyo-2 being selected as the host city for the 2020 Olympics.

I think.

It certainly looked like that anyway.

The Olympics segued into an advertisement for a type of dog food, or for McDonalds, I honestly couldn't tell the difference. Beneath it, rolling across a building façade was GUINNESS, and a train of katakana that announced the black stuff's availability and robustness of character. It made me think of home for a moment.

"Pay Attention Noriko or go back to the car!"

Huh... Oh right...

"Sorry!"

I dashed up to join the two lovebirds. From the way she was clinging onto his arm, I was sure that was the picture Asuka had in her mind of their relationship.

"I'm so glad to be on this shopping trip with you, Kaji,"she chirped sunnily.

He was asking himself why he'd ever agreed to do it. I could see it on the man's face; it was a look I'd worn many times myself. He was asking himself why he'd ever agreed to bring two teenage girls on a shopping trip. He was worrying what sort of critical hit his wallet would take. He was trying to remember his bank's phone number, so he could beg the manager for an overdraft.

"It's no problem Asuka," he said eventually.

I groaned and scratched my back, looked up at the looming government tower, with it's fifty story pendulum clock, then at Kaji.

I didn't answer, I just jogged up, keeping my distance from the pair.

Kaji scared me, and I had no idea why. He seemed polite to a tee, well mannered and generous, but some instinct forced me to keep my distance.

"This one Kaji," the Second Child tugged on his sleeve. "They have a sale on swimsuits in here."

Swimsuits?...joy.

"Alright Asuka," the man said. "Just be sensible."

I followed the two of them in, more curious about what I might find inside, than worried.

A department store, what else? My minds voice answered deadpan. They couldn't really be too different the world over, could they?

They all smelled the same, a mix of stale perfume and dry clothes. They were all slightly too warm to be comfortable. And they were all full with chattering hordes discussing fibre-counts and last night's Big Brother eviction.

As long as the Second Children didn't expect me to have to try on any swimwear, I could deal with this. I could get in there, then get out with what I wanted and maybe along with some stuff I didn't.

"Noriko!" Asuka called me. "Have a look at this! It really suits me, doesn't it?"

And so, it started. My intrepid companion was already sizing up a ladybug patterned dress against herself.

"Well?"

"Looks nice," I said.

Asking me for advice on fashion was like asking an Amish man for advice on computer upgrades.

"It sure does," she said, "And this one too, this one's green, it'll suit you perfectly."

She dropped the dress into my arms. It looked like something rejected from the Rozen Maiden production wardrobe.

"I'll try it,"

There was a nervous quiver in my voice as I said that. She was Asuka of Borg. Resistance was futile. The pattern was set for the day.

I followed my companion, generally picking whatever I needed, then having whatever the Second decided would suit me thrust into my arms when my own opinions were deemed too conservative or too tomboyish.

About the only thing the both of us could agree on was a nice satin pair of pyjamas I dug out. They may have been purple and femine, but they were so soft and comfortable I didn't care.

I settled into a routine, listening to Asuka gossip about various things, most of which I didn't really understand, or care about. But still, I could begin to enjoy her company, I could at least understand the whole 'shopping' thing now.

I had fun.

Somehow.

I guess it was something genetic. Perhaps the bar-stool scientists were right, the instinct to shop was a part of the female genome.

And, admittedly, I did look good in shorts, but not in much else. Thankfully, even Asuka had to admit, pink was not my colour.

One thing though, that sent chills down my spine, and it wasn't think pink lace underwear.

Okay, it wasn't only the pink lace underwear.

It was Kaji.

He stared at me, or perhaps, right trough me, like I was a half visible shell-ghost of someone a long time dead. It didn't matter what tone of voice he used, what expression was worn on his face, that look from his eyes remained the same.

It was a hard look, like two imaginary laser beams were being shone from his eyes, cutting Goldfinger-like through to a persons soul, weighed down by the want of a good night's rest.

No, not from a lack of sleep, it was more than that. It seemed almost like his very character was fatigued and worn, like a new car's engine being run without oil.

Every instinct in my body screamed that he was a 'dirty person', for want of a better description, and that he had to be avoided at all costs.

And then, there was himself and Misato...

And Asuka.

What could she see in him?

Why was she so desperate for his attention, and not anyone her own age?

"Kaji, look at this!" Asuka called out. "It's perfect or diving in Okinawa,"

Asuka was holding a lighthouse striped Bikini set, the red and white bands seeming to bulge the cups out more than they actually did.

I had a rather embarrassing mental picture of myself wearing it for a moment.

"Aren't you a little young,"

"I'm thirteen." she announced, "And I have an adult body, so why shouldn't I wear adult clothes?"

She leaned forward, revealing just enough of her 'adult' chest to dare Kaji to say otherwise.

It was shameful, I thought self consciously. I would never do that. But, I did have breasts too, should I be a bit more...adventurous?

"Fine," Kaji relented, with a slight roll of his eyes. "It's your money, do what you want."

I thought to myself that, through all Asuka's bluster, if one knew where to look, one could really see how vulnerable she was beneath.

I felt guilty because I was able to see it. It seemed elicit somehow, a psychological version of peeping through the keyhole of the girls locker room.

But, one question finally needed answering.

"Asuka, will this suit me, do you think?"

I'd chosen a comfortable looking yellow one-piece affair. It didn't look too racy, was almost wetsuit substantial, and reminded me of my plugsuit somewhat.

She eyed it for a second, like a butcher would eye an innocent lamb.

"Hmmmm, it's fine, if a little nineteen-eighties. Yellow is a good colour for you though. But you'll never get a decent sun-tan wearing something like that. It's also pretty plain, but that's what you want right?"

"Yup," I nodded cheerfully.

I didn't want people staring at me.

"Of course, these are available on offer two for one," she dangled a yellow version of what she had in front of me.

I had to resist. I had to find some way to say 'no' to her. But then, I didn't want to offend her by refusing, and it was cheaper than buying two different ones.

That reminded me.

"How do we pay for all this anyway?"

"Use your I.D. Card," Kaji told me. "The company will handle anything reasonable."

Sohryu blinked owlishly for a second, perhaps not knowing herself.

"Well then," I smiled at her, suddenly seeing my way out. "Could I get both?"

"Get me a red one of what you've got then, that'd be good if the water was a little cold."

Kaji just rolled his eyes, perhaps wondering why he'd thought revealing the fact that the pair of us had a practically unlimited amount of money at our disposal had been a good idea.

I laughed. It felt good to get one over on him, even if, in reality, we probably really hadn't.

My companion had a devious, lustful look in her eyes, looking over to the expensive, exclusive designer section. Already, I was greedily deciding on a new laptop computer, a new Walkman and maybe whatever model Playstation happened to be available.

What? I'm a Sony fanboy, okay?

"Anything reasonable," repeated Kaji.

Oh, it was reasonable. To us anyway it was.

"Oh Kaji," Asuka chirruped with new glee, "Why don't we go for ice-cream when we're finished then,"

But that wouldn't be for some time. Not that I minded of course

I...I

I was on a train, sitting by a window, watching sunset orange countryside drifting past. It was a peaceful place, the distant diesel thrum of the locomotives engine tingling at the base of my spine, serving as a soothing mechanical lullaby.

I could've fallen asleep, if somebody hadn't sat down beside me.

"Good day," she intoned.

I looked at her, almost an exact doppelgänger for Rei. She had the same blood coloured eyes, that same pallid, vampiric skin. The only difference I could see was her long, full, pink tinted hair, that ran down below her shoulders.

And, the fact that she was wearing a yellow cardigan and grey industrial wool skirt, just like the school uniform Rei wore in the alternate episode 26.

I just nodded a response.

I had this awful feeling. I knew exactly what she was, if not who she was.

"Angel?" I questioned

I was answered only with knowing smile.

"You know who I am, but do you know who you are yourself?" the Angel asked.

"I..." I thought for a second, not quite sure what she meant. "I am.."

"Before you answer, look at the reflection in the window,"

Her smile mutated into some horrible grin, that lacked any sort of human emotional backing. The sort of cooling grin that you'd imagine Charles Whitman was wearing as he reloaded.

It compelled me to act.

Looking back at me, reflected, was the face of a brown eyed fourteen year old girl, her straight dark hair rolling down the side of my head, then splashing off her shoulders

"See, your own self image is not what you expected, was it?."

"No..." I gulped, touching my soft cheek, just to be certain.

"Is it not common belief among humans, that if a heart were to be transplanted, some of the memories of the donor would be received along with it? It is the seat of all human feeling, yes?"

"I suppose,"

I knew where this is going. Like standing at the front of a runaway train, watching the 'Bridge Out' signs rapidly approaching. It was that same feeling of impending, gut wrenching doom.

"From your perspective, you have received a life transplant, that is how you would best understand it. Do you?"

"I guess so."

I had been given Noriko's life, right?

"It is within my power to restore your life, to return what was taken from you. You could be yourself again. In exchange, I would only ask you to do one favour, and I will grant you this wish."

My heart leapt. I could go home!

I could wake up sleeping in my own bed. A deal with the devil would see me home and dry. Of course, I was under no naïve illusion that that is exactly what this would be.

The Angel seemed to sense what I was thinking.

"You want proof of my 'ability', yes? Then just take my hand, and I'll show you some of what I can do for you."

Her tongue lapped against her lips, like the serpent offering Eve the apple.

This was wrong... this was stupid...this was my only way home.

I slowly swallowed any fear, telling myself I was taking my first steps home, then cautiously gripped her hand.

Immediately, my consciousness was assaulted by a penetrating shotgun blast of thought and imagery. I tried to snatch my hand back from this female John Coffey, but she already had me in her grasp.

The next thing I was aware of was the smell of oiled pine floor.

It was night, and I was standing on the balcony at home, looking at the lights of the new city built around the bay. Only a pair of red navigation lights atop a rotting pair of old power station chimneys far out to sea testified towards the existence of an entire city beneath the waves.

An entire world down there, frozen at midday on September 15th 2001, when the rising seas finally overwhelmed Dublin City. I thought it was kind of cool, very Nadia-ish.

I think I was ten at the time.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden scream, followed by a hollow thud as something hit the floor.

My father was shouting, he was roaring at something, or someone downstair. He was roaring in Japanese, which I thought strange. He would always insist on speaking the 'native tongue', to better assimilate into the culture.

Curiously, quietly, I slipped downstairs to see what was going on, my stockinged feet sliding on the mirror polished pine staircase.

"What do you expect me to do?" I heard. "I mean, how long did you two...?"

I heard a mumbled, sobbed response, before my father cut it off.

"Ten Years ago, that's before she was born. She mightn't even be my daughter!"

Where they talking about me?

Next, I could hear my mother's voice, stuttering and gasped as she tried to control herself.

"She is your child. Look at her eyes...her hair... you know she's yours,"

"And not that American fucker's?"

It was rare for my father to swear. He considered it vulgar and disgusting, beneath a true gentleman.

"No," My mother said in a whining, almost pleading voice.

Silence, like a bad soap opera.

"I need to calm down." My father said, his voice taking a hard, controlled formal tone, like that time I spilled coffee on his blueprints. "For striking you then, I apologise. It was unacceptable. I shall return in three hours, if not before then."

Reaching the bottom of the staircase, I watched my father slip past, his footsteps as heavy and as grave as the look on his face. I think, I saw a tear dripping down his cheek, before he solemnly put on his grey work-suit jacket. He creaked the hall door open, being deliberately quiet in his actions, before drawing it shut with barely a brass 'tick'.

I was curious still, and now a little confused. It was eerie. I was left with a sudden feeling in the pit of my stomach that I may have been the cause of everything.

My mother was sitting, slumped over the kitchen table, crying softly to herself as she nursed a red lump on her forehead. Some of the white melamine cabinets where tossed open, and the floor was littered with the mortal remains of several broken plates.

"What happened?" I questioned quietly.

She coughed and sobbed, before looking at me through tear reddened eyes. She coughed once more, then hiccuped, before speaking slowly, between sobs. She struggled to smile at me.

"It's okay honey," she said. "It's just," she sniffed, "It's just...I did something terrible to your father... I'm sorry... things will be okay,"

I wanted to say something more, but I felt myself suddenly being torn away from the scene, my mothers tear stained face receding into harsh, bright light as the scene was crushed beneath the hammerforce weight of my true identity crashing through the wall.

I blinked, swallowed a quick, panicked gasp of dry air, my mind cartwheeling as it tried to understand who and what it really was.

I wasn't the five year old girl who's parents had been fighting, I was the twenty year old man who was just living her life...for a bit. I was...I was...myself.

I think.

A lump caught in my throat, and I couldn't speak. It was then, I heard a sickly familiar voice.

"Tabris!" it spat. It could almost have passed for hatred.

I blinked, and looked up into another set of blood red eyes, another one of those inhumanely detached Revy grins. Kawaoru Nagisa, was holding my hand, and the Angel's, apart.

She was hissing at him like a cornered cat.

"This wasn't in the agreed terms, Sister," Kawaoru said in that sickly warm voice of his. "No interference, beyond the natural course of events, remember."

And still, he grinned that repulsive grin of his.

I still couldn't speak. I wanted to scream at them, to barge past the angelic duo and make a bid for freedom...to get away from these two monsters playing God with my life.

I knew it was my life they were discussing.

I wasn't angry.

I was terrified. They might have more planned for me.

God fucking Christ what was going on?

I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't wake up from this God forsaken nightmare and just be myself again.

The female Angel turned to face me one final time, still grinning her psychopathic grin, her eyes mutating into blood red pits of despair. She said one last thing to me, one sentence that burned itself into my memory.

"If that is so, then I will look forward to meeting you in person soon enough, Lilith's Child."

Nagisa nodded, and released my hand.

Instantly I screamed my freedom from the nightmare, jumping up in my bed, swallowing great gulps of hot, sweaty night air. It was dark, I couldn't see where I was.

I hoped I was home.

I hoped it was my own room.

I dared hope it was my own life.

"Mama," Asuka murmured to herself beside me, he sheets shuffling as she rolled over once more.

In that instant, I hated her for dragging me back to what passed for reality.

But, I would gladly live the rest of my life as this girl, if I could never have another nightmare like that.

I hoped it was just a nightmare.

The new pyjamas were comfortable.

I...I

Thursday

The agonizer test the day before had more than lived up to its name. Despite being given the day off to recuperate, I still felt like I'd had a fight with a truck, and lost spectacularly.

The agonizer, officially known as The External Stimulus Control Endurance Test, was designed to test a Pilot's ability keep their concentration under ' extreme mental feedback stress.' Basically, I had to sit in an entry plug and play a simple videogame, guiding a spaceship through a tunnel, while being put through devious tortures that would've horrified the Inquisition.

I was drowned, shot, shot again, burned, crushed, had my arm/leg/back/neck wrenched apart repeatedly, boiled, dissolved in acid, had every bone in my body smashed and brought to the edge of death and back again. They stopped my heart for three minutes at one stage.

Barely able to stand afterwards, I had to be lifted from the simulator onto a trolley, where the evil Akagi'd only said "You've passed, Good Job. Take tomorrow off."

I wanted to tell her the colourful places where she could stuff her day off, but instead, I just puked up a disgusting chummy mixture of LCL and curry onto her pristine white labcoat when I tried to speak.

Then puked again when I smelled it.

I considered it ample repayment.

Misato was nicer. Waiting for me back at the apartment was the tantalising prospect of a litre tub of chocolate icecream gathering frost in the fridge.

"Alcohol and icecream heal all wounds," She'd advised sagely.

And when I returned, I decided I would have to try it.

I still wasn't sure what impulse had possessed me to do it, I had been given a day off to recuperate and rest, but I'd found myself gripped by some strange compulsion to keep up my training.

Perhaps, it was my minds way of keeping itself occupied, so it wouldn't have to dwell on dreams of Angels and demons, or perhaps it was a fragment of Noriko herself that demanded her body be kept in good condition while I borrowed it.

Either way, I marvelled at my new-found fitness. In only two weeks, my strength had built considerably.

I'd already run three miles that morning, and barely felt the stress any more. My old self would have been wheezing and out of breath by the end of the first block.

It was rock splittingly hot though.

The surface sun was relentless, it was something the Geofront tended to be sheltered from, and the humidity sucked the sweat out of my body, leaving my clothes soaking wet. I'd already taken my t-shirt off and tied tied it round my waist, leaving only a yellow training togs to cover my modesty.

I wasn't too bothered.

At ten in the morning, the Eva-width streets of Tokyo-3 were a concrete ghost town, the brutalist grey buildings of the fortress city.

Except only, for the green shrubbery of Tokyo-3 Municipal Park West, which ran parallel to the path. A crystal blue lake sat in the middle, above a six inch thick pane of glass, acting is a liquid window to the geofront below.

I thought it looked cool... literally.

But swimming in a foot deep pond would be difficult, unfortunately.

Wide streets and a midday sun meant no shadows, just a slow solar roast, and the start of a gentle sunburn tingle on my face.

There had to be a cream for it.

A yellow DHL van rumbled past, stopping at traffic lights for a moment, before turning off down a sidestreet, a road I knew led to the Katsuragi apartment, and a goods yard.

Maybe, it was the stuff myself and Asuka had ordered?

I was finally going to get that laptop!

I watched it hawkishly for a second, waiting for it to make one last turn. When it did, I fell flat on my face.

Rough, dirty concrete bit and tugged at my arms as I landed in a heap on the footpath. Half groaning, half grimacing, and a little annoyed, I wondered just what could have knocked the legs out from under me.

"Uh...Gomen Nasai," A voice stuttered.

Uh.. language... name... Shinji?

I was still trying to work out which way up I was, never mind who was talking, or what they were saying to me. I scratched around for a second, then rolled over onto my back, looking up at the blue sky, framed by armaments building 24(Pallet Rifle x3) and an empty office building.

"Are you okay?"

A face eclipsed the sun, envy-green eyes blinking curiously at me from behind bottle-bottom lenses.

"Aida Kensuke?" I mumbled.

It looked like him.

I don't know what he said next, but, judging by the hand offered to me, he wanted to help me up. He had greasy, sweaty, gamers hands from holding onto a plastic controller for a few hours too long.

There was something that felt...dirty about it, and I wiped my own hand clean on my shorts as soon as I was on my feet.

There was a moment of silence, while I tried to work out what I was supposed to do, or what had happened.

Kensuke Aida was standing there, liberally drizzled with green leaves, some knotted into his hair messily like some urban survivalist in a school uniform.

A camera was on the ground at his feet.

His face blanched to match his shirt.

"Uh..."

His mouth opened and closed like that of a fish stranded on a beach, as he searched for something he could say.

"Um...Thank You," I said.

It was only then that I remembered Asuka's advice from a week or so earlier. Don't talk to them, she'd said. Let them know who's boss if you do, she'd told me.

Yeah, and I couldn't even speak or work out what to say.

Kensuke could've almost been in the the same state, looking over his shoulder like he was expecting the cavalry to come rushing to his rescue, galloping across the park to drag him from this socially awkward situation.

The two of us stood there looking at each other like a pair of lost orphans, both of us waiting for something to happen, for someone to come along and break the deadlock.

He gulped, swallowed his fear, then slowly bent down picked up his camera. He picked it up in a slow, deliberate way, trying not to draw attention to it, yet doing exactly that.

I watched his gaze work it's way up my leg, past my midriff, then stopping somewhere before my neck.

Ugh...

Serves me right for wearing my t-shirt around my waist.

"What...happened?" I finally questioned.

His eyes locked with mine.

Then he smirked.

"Picture?" Aida brought the camera to his face.

Huh?

"Em...sure."

I couldn't say no. It wouldn't have been polite. Japan was all about being polite and helpful.

"Say cheese!" said Kensuke, focusing in on me.

"Cheese!" I grinned as best I could.

The rapid fire shutter clicks made it feel like I was stuck in an open air magazine shoot, the fair haired army fanboy taking little time to snap a picture, then refocus, and snap again.

"Thank you Noriko-chan!" he chirruped gleefully, wearing a self satisfied grin of the kind you'd probably wear after you'd stolen the British Crown Jewels from off the queens head without her even noticing.

As he ran off, a dark Fila tracksuited figure popped up like a prairie dog from the hedge to ask a question.

Aida answered with an exuberant "Yatta!", before the pair returned to their foliage foxhole.

I was left standing there, with the distinct impression that the wool had been well and truly pulled over my eyes.

Bollocks.

I...I

By the time I'd reached the apartment, I'd resolved never to tell Asuka about my encounter. It wasn't out of loyalty to my former gender either.

I'd been betrayed by them.

I'd stood up for them.

And then they'd gone and proven everything Asuka had told me about them had been correct.

That, and I just didn't want to hear Asuka say 'I told you so.'

What they had been doing in the hedge had become painfully obvious to me. What they were going to do with the pictures afterwards was also.

I resolved to wash my hands before I had anything to eat.

I caught a glimpse of the blurred reflection of my 'physique' in the polished steel of the apartment door before it opened.

Just when I'd thought I was beginning to get a foothold in my new life, it had been kindly demonstrated to me that I still had a long way to go.

I sighed a tired sigh, scratched my leg, then slipped out of my running shoes.

"I'm home,"

"Welcome home," Shinji's voice answered.

He was wearing a housewive's green apron, standing over a pot of boiling stock, merrily chopping carrots into it.

"Oh, hey Noriko, there was a delivery for you, it's on the table."

I took a moment to translate that, my flatmate returning to his cooking by the time I did.

The stuff I'd ordered, it had to be!

A single square brown cardboard box was sitting on the kitchen table, tantalising taped shut, with and address label stuck to it.

But there was only one...

I'd ordered more stuff than that.

Unless they'd just put it all in the one box to save on shipping.

"Sweet!" I lept forward, forgetting all about Aida and his stolen photography session. The promise of clean, factory fresh electronics lured me forward.

But then, I paused.

There was an envelope taped to the box, addressed to me.

Curious, and wondering why they'd send me a letter, I tore it free. Maybe the reason there was only one box was because NERV had decided there were some things they weren't going to pay for.

Tentatively, I opened it, expecting the traditional, condescending 'Sorry but your order could not be fully processed due to insufficient funds' line that told you exactly how much contempt the company now had for you.

What was inside, was a crisp, printed letter, with the eye-like logo of Oceanic Airlines stamped in the corner.

For a moment, it was utterly disappointing. It wasn't what I'd ordered, it was just some pointless letter from..the...airline.

My thoughts trailed off as I finally realised what I was holding.

A letter from the company that had operated flight 214.

I read it.

Ms Nagato,

Please allow me to first extend my heartfelt sympathies to you for your loss. The crash of flight 214 was a great tragedy. I was gladdened to be told of your recent recovery, a small ray of light from an otherwise dark event.

At this time, the cause of the accident had yet to be fully determined and an official report from the Japanese ARAIC remains several months away at best. A copy will be made available to you at that time. Any legal issues will also be settled once the report has been completed.

During the wreckage recovery operation, some personal belongings of yours and your father's were found. It is the policy of this airline to return these effects to their rightful owners, once they have been cleared by the proper authorities. It is my sincere hope that these items can be of some comfort to you in your time of grief.

Regards.

Micheal Spinnaker

CEO Oceanic Airlines International

I held it it in my hand for a moment, not quite sure what I was supposed to do or think about it. It just left me cold somehow.

"Uh...Is it bad news?" A voice snapped me out of it, unsure if it should even be intruding. The chopping behind me had stopped.

"No," I said.

That was all I wanted to say.

"Sorry."

The chopping resumed, each slice of the knife timing out my heartbeat. I set the letter down on the table. The box just sat there, the little dark handholds like eyes staring at me.

I wasn't sure if I had the right to even touch it.

Inside that box were the close personal items of another person, two even, people who were now dead.

I sat down, and stared back at it.

It was...unsettling to be that close to Noriko, as she had been. I found my thoughts slowly drifting back towards that nightmare a few nights earlier.

What was it? A life transplant?

I didn't understand it, I didn't want to think about it. I didn't even know if it had been something real, an invasion of my dreams to tell me something important, or just a figment conjured by too much cheesy chips and curry sauce.

And still, it sat there, staring at me, a cardboard Pandora's box daring me to just lean forward and open it.

I couldn't just ignore it either, and hide it somewhere. The secrets inside it would be freed eventually, either by myself, or by accident.

Shinji was washing the rice. Pen-Pen waddled out to the bathroom, green eyes glancing up curiously at me for a second, before he continued on his way.

Screw it.

Opening it wouldn't kill me.

I lunged forward and ripped the tape off, taking lump of the lid with me. It flopped open limply revealing nothing but a sea of packing foam.

Already, it felt like I was nothing but a grave robber, violating the sacred ground of the dead. But it was too late to turn back. Pandora's box had been opened, and the tape would no longer stick it closed again.

The first thing I found was cold and metallic, a Tag Heuer watch with a cracked and scorched face. The strap was much to big for my arm. It must've been Noriko's fathers.

With a strange reverence, I placed it on the table. I didn't know exactly why, but I knew it deserved careful treatment.

I reached in again, and grabbed something large and fluffy, a tan fur teddy bear with brown beads for eyes, and a red jacket with 'baseball' printed on it. It was good to see it. It seemed so loveable and warm, I wanted to cuddle it soothingly against myself, to let all my potential sorrows and worries be drawn away by the stuffed animal.

The third object, was metallic and heavy, but not a watch. It was a small, stainless steel bracelet. It must've once been polished to a high shine, but now, it was blued and browned in places by intense heat and flame.

It also had my name engraved on a little tag welded to it.

It was the most precious thing, worth more to me than it's weight in gold. I didn't know why or what it even was, just that it was the most special thing in the world to me.

And that it belonged on my left wrist.

It felt absolutely right to have it there.

Quickly, I wrapped it around and snapped the clasp shut, before flicking my wrist to to hear it click merrily. I smiled at it.

Finally, I found a pair of water damaged passports inside a plastic bag. They reeked so much of jet-fuel when I opened it, the smell nearly made me sick. Inside the first, was a picture of myself, smiling brightly back at me.

Well, it wasn't myself, it was her. Not me.

The second, had belonged to my father. I could see the pride and dignity in the man staring back at me. I could feel him, like I could reach out and touch him if I tried.

I could...

I sniffed, feeling hot tears well up in my eyes. No, this wasn't right , this wasn't right at all. I could remember him. A fleeting glimpse only of the man he was, of him slipping past me once, before he left through a door.

I remembered his heavy, powerful arm was holding me, soothing me as the plane went down. I could feel it still, a ghost across my back, cold now with absence.

And then, that was it.

It was gone.

I was back in the Katsuragi kitchen, swallowing a lump in my throat. I blinked and ssqueaked, forcing back a whimper. I could feel somebody watching me, a pair of curious eyes running like insects up my back.

The cooking sounds had stopped, save for a simmering hiss of the pot.

Great, now I had an audience.

Quickly, and self consciously, I dumped both passports back into their bags, and put them out of sight.

Out of sight, out of mind they said.

"Are you okay?" Shinji asked.

How long had it taken him to pluck up the courage to speak? I wondered.

"Yes," I said, my tone of voice betraying the strained truth. "Just...stuff."

That was the best I could articulate myself. There was no other way I could say it, not in Japanese anyway.

I closed my eyes for a second and rubbed them dry. I took a few deep breaths, then sighed as I leant back on the wooden chair.

The cooking started again. The box still stared at me, gloatingly as if it had won. I didn't dare see what else was in there

Quietly, I slipped everything back into the box, then covered them with a few nuggets of packing foam. I closed the lid, and forced down when it sprung back a little.

I left it there for a bit, while I washed and changed. The more I thought about it, the more I could remember what had been said to me.

It made sense then, that I would have some of Noriko's memory's somewhere, after all, I hadn't just had a heart transplant, it had practically been a whole body transplant, right down to the smallest neurons.

I'd read somewhere once, that memory's could be encoded into a persons RNA. All that would be needed to unlock that chemical cipher, would be the right key.

What I'd left in that box, was going to be put away for good.

Misato was right though, chocolate ice-cream did make me feel better.

I...I

Friday Morning, and Asuka was awake before me which I found strange. By the time I'd groggily slogged my way out the bedroom door, she was already sitting at the breakfast table, with the phone against her ear, and a pair of plastic suitcases on the ground beside her.

She was speaking in German to it.

A phone call to home perhaps?

Whatever she was saying, she sounded like someone who'd taken more Prozac than could probably be considered healthy. For some reason, her voice seemed to be bubbling with saccharine excitement.

"Guten Nacht Mama," she chirped, the black box phone bleeping as she disconnected the call.

"Guten Morgen Noriko, Das is...," she trailed off for a moment, "Good morning Noriko," she announced with an affirmative tone.

"Morning Asuka," I chuckled lightly.

I wasn't the only one having language troubles

"What's got you up so early anyway?" I questioned,

"The school trip to Okinawa," she answered, "Of course, you have to be attending school to go,"

I just didn't have the heart to tell her.

I...I

Saturday came, and I felt sick.

Really sick

The caterpillars had pupated overnight, and emerged as a flock of ravenous, biting butterflies, each one fluttering in my stomach, gnawing away at the lining of my belly. I winced as each one nipped deeper. It wasn't nerves, as least I don't think it was. It was more like a bad morning hangover, but without the benefit of the night before. Lurching to the bathroom with my hand on my belly, the fact that today would most likely be my first Angel was the furthest thing from my mind.

Damn Misato's cooking.

Damn whatever drugs Ritsuko had pumped my body with.

"Morning Noriko," Shinji greeted sunnily while I slouched towards the bathroom.

"Yeah," I mumbled sourly. "Morning"

The smell of cooking breakfast turned my stomach, the butterflies making a bid for freedom up the back of my gullet. I swallowed them back each time, but still they came. Just let me reach the toilet in time. Please, don't be locked. Please Misato, stay away. I can't wait half an hour!

Well I can, but she's paying the cleaning bill.

I'd never been so glad to reach those cold white tiles as I was right then. Why was it, I wondered, that you'd only ever get sick on your time off, or on the one day you just didn't want to be stuck in bed? Ugh, why did I have to feel like this the day of my first Angel?

The answer was given by a piece of tissue. I stared at it the way Long John stared at the black spot. It had that same air of terminal finality about it, that same lingering fear of impending suffering. It stared back defiantly at me, somehow rock steady in my leaf-quivering hand.

"Oh hell," I grimaced.

There was only one person who could help with this problem.

"Misato!" I screeched at the top of my lungs.

God knows the last thing I wanted was for anyone to find out about my little problem, but I knew only Misato could solve it. Outside, there came a patter of rapidly approaching bare feet on polished wood, the door bursting open.

Misato stood there, with a groggy, but concerned look on her face. I wasn't sure how to explain it to her, it was too embarrassing, too disgusting for me to do anything but show the offending tissue to my guardian. A confused look passed over her, and she looked at me like a curious puppy for a moment. Please don't make me explain, I begged mentally. I whimpered, and looked pleadingly up at her, praying that she would understand.

"What's wrong?," the woman asked gruffly, still half asleep and irritated at being summoned, destroying my hopes utterly.

Okay, I just had to tell her. I just had to say it to her. It was a simple word, a dirty word. How could I say it to her without usingthat word? How could I use a euphemism with my knowledge of Japanese.

"It is my..." I gulped, a butterfly biting deep, derailing my sentence train. "It is my..."

A sudden wave of compassionate understanding washed over her features.

"Oh, it's your first," she beamed, drawing me into deep into a hot, sweaty bearhug. "We'll have to have a party tonight, just ourselves, in our pyjama's with ice cream, pizza, some drinks and some films."

"Please no," I pleaded, but my words were smothered by a c-cup. "No Ya-ya's"

Anything but the Ya-ya's.

"Ritsuko might want to come. I'll have to tell her anyway, since this might affect your piloting, so it'd only be polite to invite her. And I can't have a party without my drinking buddy can I?"

Finally, she allowed me a breath of cool fresh air

"No!" I barked.

"Of course not," My guardian smirked.

"No! No party!"

I glared her down, her face dropping.

"And why not?"

I shrunk back, another cramp taking hold.

"I em...em... I want private. I want keep private."

A painful pause. I hadn't offended her, had I?

"I understand," she sighed, disappointment flashing across her features for a moment. "But you're first time only comes once, you know." Misato smiled.

She still wanted that party, and I got the feeling that somehow, nothing I said or did could stop her. I groaned, promising myself an early night whatever happened.

"Anyway, I guess it's up to me to show you how to keep clean then. Normally your mother would, but she's not here..."

I watched with increasing worry as she busied herself in the medicine cabinet, rooting in a pastel pink box for something. Whatever it was, it came in a small sugar packet wrap. Oh no...

"Just relax Noriko, and watch closely, you'll have to do this yourself from now on."

She smirked evilly, a demented, psychopathic grin, the sadistic kind that could only come from the obscene pleasure taken in the suffering of another.

Eep.

I was reminded of a scene from the Alien films, where the alien queen had Ripley trapped, and it's chitinous ovipostor slowly raised itself upward...

It was at that moment, that I screamed. It was a piercing scream of utter violated terror that clung desperately to the drywall and doors in it's attempt to escape it's bathroom prison. Misato just laughed her ass off, offering no words of support, comfort or apology, before leaving me seated on the cold toilet lid quivering, with hot shame and embarrassment racing through my body. Slowly, I cleaned myself as best as I could, before slipping back to the safety of my bedroom. I still felt dirty somehow. Shinji stared at me, before glancing at a smirking Misato, then back at myself.

"What happened?" he questioned innocently.

"Kimochi warui." I answered, clutching at my gut.

I guess, I finally knew what Asuka had meant by that final line. It was a phrase that described the violated, disgusted nausea curdling in the pit of my stomach to a tee.

"What?"

"It's just a teenage girl thing Shinji," Misato said, waving it off.

I glared, then slouched through my bedroom door, intent on returning to bed and sleeping off my latest mental scar, but Asuka was already getting dressed.

"What was that scream, getting me out of bed like that?" she huffed.

Lie... I had to lie.

"Shinji...em...Misato walked in on him."

She blinked.

"Yeah, right," she batted it away.

As if Shinji could scream that loud or shrill. But the question was moot, and that was all that mattered to me.

"Anyway, the pool's open at headquarters, and it's pretty deep, so I thought if I can't swim at Okinawa, what's the difference in swimming in a clean heated pool? It's something to do anyway"

"Sure," I muttered.

I could float in a giant chlorinated bath and just let my biological troubles drift away. Even if I still had a mornings work to do beforehand.

"I'll get your swimsuit out and everything."

Asuka dangled the yellow striped bikini set before me, and I suddenly felt sick all over again.

I...I

My foul mood persisted all the way to the Geofront, and it wasn't helped by Asuka's insistence that the bikini suited me better than the bathing suit, even with that ragged pink scar running across my belly. I wasn't in any mood to argue with her either. In fact, the only thing I was in the mood to do was lay back and float in the pool. Warm, chlorinated water washed away the taint of the Katsuragi touch.

I followed Asuka out of the locker room, feeling horribly self conscious. It didn't help that Shinji happened to be standing outside, The boy gulped, his eyes darting between the pair of us in our striped swimwear. I was painfully aware of the fact that the stripes served only to accentuate the natural curves of the female form.

Why else would Asuka have bought them? Why else would she adjust the straps in plain sight of the poor boy?

"Stop staring you pervert!" she slapped him hard across the cheek with a sharp crack of skin against skin, and leaving a hot red handprint behind.

It's not as if he had to actually go out of his way to look for them, my minds voice remarked.

Shinji frowned. "Sorry,"

I followed a little behind, quietly stewing while I pondered the hypocrisy of having an obvious crush on Shinji while simultaneously teasing him, demeaning him and generally being an outright bully towards him. Watching Asuka berate the poor child for some minor transgression, I resolved to make it my mission to see those two together before the famous kiss.

They just needed a hammer to break the walls.

"You're actually planning on doing your homework! What a boring child,"

"Well, it's homework, it's meant to be done at home, not secretly in class,"

"My how proper you are. Well, I get bored in class because I already know what he's talking about, so I buy myself a little relaxation time."

Not so much a hammer, as a rather large industrial wrecking ball then.

The pool though was heaven. Heedless of the world around me, I lay there, allowing the hot water to soak to the very core of my body and wash away any 'womanly' issues. My self consciousness dissolved away into the clear water, drifting away along with a crinkled plaster from some previous swimmer.

Ew...

Rei passed beneath, running silent and deep like some sort of hunter killer submarine, before surfacing at the other end of the pool. A trail of bubbles lazily breaking the surface marked Asuka's passing some moments afterwards.

Heaven indeed.

Even while the redhead was explaining the ins and outs of thermal breast enhancement to Shinji, I was paying more attention to counting the lights on the ceiling above.

"All pilots please report to briefing room. Repeat, all pilots please report to the briefing room. Order A-dash-seventeen is now in effect,"the tannoy announced in crackling tones.

"What?" Asuka looked up, "What could that be,"

"Angel," I said, before paddling to the ladder.

"You can't be serious!" Sohryu snorted. "It's got to be a drill or something,"

"We don't normally have drills," Shinji said, "It would be kind of ironic wouldn't it, especially since you said there wouldn't be an attack today,"

A sly smirk crossed his lips.

"Who asked you?" Asuka bit back,

"Sorry,"

"Tch, even so, Wondergirl and Nori' would've been here, so it would've have been a problem."

Nori? That horrible seaweed stuff?

Another wave of nausea crashed over me. Just don't think about the hundred squirrels swarming in my stomach. Swirling and tumbling over each other, brushy tails tickling and tingling, claws pinching and grabbing at each other.

Ugh...crap...

By the time the four of us managed to get to the briefing room, Doctor Akagi, and the cute Maya, were already waiting for us. All I was sure of was that it would've been better to just have gone and changed into my plugsuit, rather than stand there, dripping wet in a bikini.

"Well, now that we're all here," the Doctor said, snidely glaring at me. Well, that's the way I felt about it anyway. "Three hours ago, a research team studying Mount Asama discovered an unknown object within the volcano's magma chamber."

At my feet, projected onto screens built into the floor, a fuzzy, black and tan image came into view. It was marked as the Eighth Angel alright, but, what surprised me about it was, it looked more like a Chernobyl gecko than the embryo-like image I'd expected.

"It's tiny," Asuka remarked. "Are we sure it's even an Angel?"

"Pattern Blue has been confirmed. This is most likely just it's embryonic form."

We all reeked of chlorine, while Shinji standing beside her had his eyes on her breasts, rather than the floor. It served her right, I thought, for wearing that candy-stripe swimsuit. All it served to do was make the already busty redhead look just that little bit larger and rounder.

It'd serve him right, if he's caught staring into valley of death. Fidgeting with my own straps, I made damn sure I was covered as much as possible.

Ugh...at least he wasn't staring at me.

"So, it's a baby Angel then?" Shinji questioned, forcing his eyes on pain of death to stare at the lizard.

"What are you, stupid? That's what she just said." Sohryu bit

"Asuka," Akagi cut her off, while her brunette assistant reverently handed her another clipboard. "That was essentially correct. It seems to be still sleeping, which means, we should be able to capture it."

"Capture it?" a pair of voices questioned in disbelief.

I smiled. Rei stood there, completely unperturbed.

"Yes, capture it."

"The plan," Ritsuko started, reading from the new board. "Is quite simple. One of you will be equipped with D-type armour, and descend down into the volcano's magma chamber, where you will trap the Angel inside an electromagnetic cage."

The lizard image shimmered, before being replaced with a hasty flash animation illustrating a volcano, an EVA, the Angel and a net.

"If it breaks out?" I asked, knowing full well, that it would.

"Then, we'll have to destroy it," Akagi stated.

"It sounds very dangerous," Shinji commented, before whispering something on his exhaling breath.

"Not especially," Akagi said calmly. "The D-type extreme environment equipment will be more than up to the job, though, it's not compatible with either the Test type, or the Prototype."

A light turned on behind Asuka's eyes.

We were both thinking on parallel tracks, though, with perpendicular intent. I did not want to go down a volcano. No way in hell was I going down there to die a fiery Gundam death.

"Unit 03 is the most heavily armoured, and would better be able to resist the temperatures..."

Asuka glared at me. I prayed for my safety, both from her and the volcano.

"But, Noriko, you aren't experienced enough yet, so.."

Relief...soothing relief.

"Pick me!" Asuka demanded. "Pick me! I love to go diving."

As if there could be a third, unknown production type EVA, possibly coming down from the moon.

"We will use Unit 02 and Asuka. Shinji and Unit 01 will go as surface backup, and Noriko, yourself and Unit 03 will deploy with Unit 01,"

I smiled. I was going on the mission, but I wasn't going into combat. I was in the safe place, in case something went wrong. Which, it pretty much wouldn't. This had been a relatively straightforward Angel after all, how hard could it be?

Famous last words...

"Rei, you will remain here to defend the city," The Doctor finished.

"Understood," the pilot of Unit 00 answered.

"Aww, little Miss Honour student not getting to have any fun," Sohryu teased, leaning across Shinji, giving the boy another free view.

What was she on about, doing things like that? And why wasn't anybody else noticing?

"We must move quickly, since an A-seventeen has been ordered. Get yourselves ready, we move out in one hour. Dismissed." Ritsuko abruptly ended the matter anyway.

Things did move quickly after that, my senses aflame with excitement. This was it, this was the real deal, and, I wanted to remember each and every minute detail for the rest of my days. The jog to the changing rooms had me barely breaking a sweat. I fumbled with my underwear a little in my haste, while my other two comrades undressed themselves with practised ease.

Well, it wasn't just haste.

Asuka being naked I could handle. It seemed so strange, but I'd gotten well used to her while sharing a bedroom. Also, it had quickly become apparent that she didn't really have anything that I couldn't see in a mirror myself any time I wanted to.

Not that I did, of course.

Rei, on the other hand, was different, and fascinatingly so. It took all my willpower to keep my eyes on my own locker and not her. Rei's body was of perfect proportion, as if machine-cast in a mould just to be beautiful and nothing else. Her skin tone, for example, was completely uniform, like she'd been held by the neck, then dipped in a vat of paper coloured paint. There were not spots, blemishes, nothing imperfect. Her breasts, her nipples, her toes, her feet, everything pri...

"So, what's so interesting about the First then?" sharp tones invaded my thoughts.

I squeaked and snapped my gaze towards my own toes. Caught staring by Asuka, how could I have been so stupid?

"Nothing," I mumbled, my cheeks burning as bright as her plugsuit.

Please, just drop it.

"Didn't seem like nothing, you were staring right at her."

And after this would come the inquisition, the interrogation, the final revelation of myself as the wolf in sheep's clothing. I would be ostracised, ignored, forever stranded on a little boat bobbing somewhere in the centre of the ocean between male and female. I wanted desperately to plead the second, but Asuka begged an answer.

"She is weird," I said, speaking to the plugsuit hanging in my locker.

"You can say that again," Asuka responded. "I mean, look at her body. It's so artificial, like she's a rubber doll or something,"

Relief! I could have hugged her for it. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the Rei was looking at us. A slight guilty pang rose up. We'd been talking about her while she was right there. I thought to apologise for a moment, but she just returned to dressing herself, completely unbothered. She had already slid halfway into her own white suit. I forced a chuckle, then fixed my eyes on a rusty spot on the back wall of the locker. The torches and pitchforks would stay away for another day. Lesson learned. Change the subject.

"You been on mission before?"

The plugsuit didn't answer, but Asuka did.

"Twice, didn't I tell you? Anyway, just watch and learn Fourth Child, let an expert Pilot show you just how this is supposed to be done." she blustered, as her plugsuit sucked tight to her skin.

Again I chuckled hollowly. I just wished I could have her confidence, or, that today wasn't my special lady's day. I especially didn't want Doctor Akagi to burst in on us, but, following the days pattern, the door hissed open, and in stepped the ersatz blonde with her clipboard.

I hid behind my locker door.

"Asuka, that suit's been designed with added thermal resistance." she said.

"Doesn't feel any different," Sorhyu noted.

"Push the right-hand switch to activate it,"

There came a plastic click, followed by shriek of embarrassment as the red suit ballooned out to
Santy Claus proportions and beyond. It was Asuka's turn to turn red, and I was thankful for it. Thank God it was somebody else's turn today, I'd had my fill. Even so, I couldn't laugh. It just wouldn't be right. She didn't laugh at me.

"I can't go out like this!" Asuka squealed. "I look like a communist Michelin man."

No..Don't...laugh. Must...not...titter.

"You weren't supposed to activate it inside."

"But you told me too!"

"No, I told you what button to push when the time came,"

I squeaked, grimaced, chewed my own gums, desperate to bite back on the growing giggle. It hissed from the corners of my lips, desperate for release. It shimmied, it squirmed, tittering and rasping between my lips. I knew just how that one Roman guard felt from Life of Brian. In fact, I envied him, all he had to face afterwards were a few gladiators and maybe the odd rabid lion. He wouldn't have to deal with a very annoyed and very embarrassed Bavarian.

No good...It came out, not so much an explosion of laughter, as a strangulated yapping squeal.

I winced.

"Oh shut up," she spat, her face tinted the same shade as her suit. "At least I don't have a string dangling from my.."

"Hey!" I screamed.

That one was below the belt.

"Oh, about that Noriko," Akagi chimed in like an unwelcome houseguest. "Misato told me of your 'difficulty'."

Oh, she savoured my embarrassment alright, and I hated her for it.

"Just take it out, and set your suit's sanitation systems to constant exchange. It'll do the job."

"Uh..Right," I nodded, ashamed.

Asuka chuckled "I knew there was a reason you were so moody all morning."

"Stop it! That not fair!"

"You did scream pretty loud. Is it your f.."

"Stop!" I screeched, tears welling up.

"Or was it Misato giving you a fin..."

"Stop it now!"

Why was she being so horrible? We were supposed to be friends weren't we?. Ritsuko was somewhat kind, at least she tried to hold herself back from laughing. But Asuka, she was cruel, she cackled as she waddled penguin-like to the doorway. Sniffling, trying to clear my eyes, another cramp bit deep, and I felt like just throwing up over the pair.

Right up until the moment Asuka got stuck in the doorway. She stressed and strained, creaked and pulled, but the bloated suit was jammed fast.

Justice.

"No," she whined. "This isn't fair!"

"Rei," Akagi said simply.

"Yes ma'am," The First child nodded, understanding, before she stepped up behind the struggling Second, and gave a sharp push.

"Stop it!" Sohryu protested, "I can get out myself, I don't need you to push. Stop it!"

She tried to swat the albino away but failed to reach back far enough. Asuka popped free, tipping forward, threatening to roll over, before stumbling back upright like an ungainly batman villain.

"Make sure Sohryu makes it to the cage," the Doctor directed.

"Understood," Rei answered simply and followed, the ends her lips had curved up ever so slightly as she did so. She was enjoying it.

"Get her away from me! I don't need to be pushed. I don't need your help!" Sohryu's voice tailed away as she was 'guided' down the corridors.

I listened for a moment, before becoming aware of the chill air blowing through my nether regions.

"Just be quick, or Rei will have to take your place,"

I cringed, just nodding so I wouldn't lose my lunch. She left me alone, and I stared into the locker mirror, at my own feminine reflection. Still a bit thin, but toned by three weeks hard exercise and training. Just when I thought I could get used to seeing that, something new always had to come up, didn't it?

I sighed, then took a deep, steeling breath and prepared myself. I'd have to do this eventually, I couldn't rely on Misato doing it for me forever. Best just get it out of the way. Close your eyes. Steady there. This won't hurt a bit.

Ugh...I soon felt sick all over again.

I...I

"So Asuka, what were you saying yesterday about there being no chance of an Angel attack while you were away?" Misato teased.

Angry silence answered.

It took an hour or so to airlift Unit 03 to Asama. It was long enough for my mind to entertain each and every niggling fear for the forthcoming battle. The omens weren't good. I'd already flattened a shopping centre landing my EVA. What next, an orphanage, the Mt. Asama visitor centre? Controlling an Evangelion was easy, Piloting one on the other hand, was hard. You had to be so aware of the world beneath you, of how wide the road was, what buildings were nearby, or where your support vehicles or power-points were located. And that's before I'd gotten around to dealing with the enemy, or the fact that I'd been standing around for an hour and a half with only my monthly discomforts for company.

Just don't do anything and leave the professionals to it, that way I won't screw anything up by mistake.

Only the occasional question from Asuka, repeatedly wondering where her precious Kaji was, and why he hadn't come to witness her greatest triumph, or a quick radio instruction from the Command team at the Volcano observatory five miles away broke the monotony. For a moment, I almost wished to be the one wearing the Michelin man armour, if only to give myself something to do beyond playing chess against Unit 03's computer system. It may have been the most advanced operating system of all the EVA's, but it still hadn't realised that a Queen can't move the same way a Knight does.

I watched Unit 02 being positioned onto the crane, while 01 marched itself around the crater rim, taking up a station opposite my own. The sinister looking purple machine somehow seemed to be staring right at me as it stood there, its yellow eyes burning with baleful fire. Of all the EVA's, it certainly looked the most malevolent and demon-like. A mental afterimage of episode eighteen, lingered for a moment and I shuddered.

Purple people eater indeed, I thought, remembering a fannish description before forcing my attention to something else.

"Drilling complete. Unit 02 is in position and ready to be lowered." Maya's sweet voice tickled my ear.

Through a radio speaker system of course.

"Very well. Eva Unit 02, move out!" Misato ordered.

Asuka's face appeared beside my shoulder, announced by a single electronic chime

Sorhyu; "It's about time! Now watch this scissor dive!"

Gently, I leant my machine ever so slightly over the edge, getting a good look down into to caldera, and the burning lava lake below. Hundreds of feet above, and with maybe another fifty feet of flesh and steel armour between myself and it, I swore I could still feel it's molten heat on my cheeks. I could smell the brimstone, feel the ash scratching my eyes and drawing tears. Only then did it occur to me that maybe, the depth of an EVA's sensory feedback might be a little more than just balance and pain.

That was kind of cool.

The Bibendum shaped EVA 02 spread it's legs as it splashed into the liquid rock. I'd been secretly hoping for something a little more impressive from the Eva combat genius. The white machine appeared to bob for a moment in the dense fluid, before it slowly sank, liquid fire closing in over it's head until only the cable remained, slowly reeling out.

It reminded me of fishing for a moment, the eighth Angel definitely the ultimate in deadliest catches.

Shinji's face appeared in a window to my left.

Ikari; "Is Asuka okay?" he asked.

Sorhyu; "Of course I am. It's nice and toasty down here," the reply came back "But," she groaned, "I can't see a thing. The vision systems don't work right,"

Akagi; "Use the false colour mode, with filter set to the infra-red band."

Sorhyu; "Roger," the response came after a few moments,

"One hundred meters, " a technician's voice announced. "Rate of drop: three meters per second,"

Well, this was going to take some time then. It was once said, that being a passenger jet pilot, was ninety-nine percent utter boredom, followed by that one percent of absolute terror right before you hit the ground. I wondered if EVA piloting wasn't going to be the same.

It took nearly twenty minutes to get Unit 02 to its target depth, and they kept going. Deeper and deeper, it kept going, past the safety limits of the armour. Even across the radio, I could here it creaking and groaning beneath the stress.

Sorhyu; "Jeez, it's getting to be a sauna down here," Asuka complained, just to inject some life into some otherwise dead air.

Katsuragi; "There's a hotsprings resort near here. Complete the mission and I promise we can have a nice relaxing dip when it's over," Misato answered, switching back to motherly guardian mode for a moment.

Ikari; "Ah, Hot springs, it sounds like heaven, all that hot water." said Shinji.

I giggled, as the recollection of that infamous thermal expansion joke struck home.

Sorhyu; "Liar! All you want is to see my naked body, all glistening and wet, lathered up with soap,"

Shinji gulped, grimaced with pressing discomfort, then cast his gaze down at a spot off camera. A quick titter past my lips as I realised just why he was grimacing. Hehe, thermal expansion.

It was an awful joke, laced with cheese, yet somehow, it became the funniest thing in the world. Even as there were arguments over the radio over whether to drop Unit 02 further below the red line I was still sniggering away into my own clenched fist. Something was making me giddy all right. Maybe the oxygen fraction in the LCL had gotten too high? Wouldn't be the first time anyway.

Ibuki; "Unit two has lost it's progressive knife,"

I switched open the compartment in the shoulder guard. The prog-knife jerked out, still locked into its holster. Well, I had to do something beyond standing there, and sure, it'd be needed soon enough anyway.

"Unit 03 has activated it's progressive knife," a tech stated

Katsuragi; "What are you doing Noriko?" the Captain questioned.

"In case...Unit 02...will be needed it,"

Comm- Katsu: "Good, standby then."

"Roger,"

Now I just had to wait. And wait. Was it just boredom, or a desire to grab some small slice of glory for myself? It was Shinji's job in the episode, so why shouldn't I just leave it to him? I really was being an little selfish, wasn't I?

Not really. there had to be something to do other stand stand here

I flicked the switchblade style knife open. I could feel it buzzing up my arm, a knuckle-whitening low amp electric current running into my hand and up through my shoulder. I gripped the throttle, but that just made it worse.

Just don't drop the knife too early.

And more waiting. My arm going numb, my stomach tying itself in knots, and Asuka below slowly approaching the target. My gaze fixed on that little point far below, where the lava had begun to crust over again around the life support cable.

The cable swayed somewhat, stirring itself around a cherry-red hole. A technician began the countdown.

"Point oh-three."

She catches it, then it goes crazy. Only a few seconds before my party-piece. Deep breaths then, remember those breathing exercises.

"Point oh-two."

Keep your eyes on where you want the blade to go. Picture how you want to throw the knife. Remember the words of Alan Shepherd.

"Point oh-one."

I drew the blade back, ready to throw. Oh Lord, please don't let me fuck this up.

"Capture!"

My arm jerked, Unit 03 acting in sympathy. Hold the knife, don't throw it! What happened? Did she actually capture it this time?

Katsuragi; "Good work Asuka,"

Sorhyu; "This was easy. Now can I get out of here? My suit's like a sauna."

Glancing between my displays, I was wondering just what was going on. Beside me, the crane jolted, before the cables began to reverse. I watched it for a few minutes, a little bewildered and taken aback, as still glowing slugs of molten rock were knocked from the cable, splashing and cooling into black crusty cowpats on the ground beneath.

Wasn't it supposed to attack when she caught it?

And still the cable was wound up.

Sorhyu; "So Fourth Child, I hope you were watching closely. That's how you're supposed to complete a mission. Quick, efficient and without waste,"

"Em...sure," I smiled nervously.

Ikari; "I'm just looking forward to that hotspring," Shinji said, falling into a trance with the thought of it.

Something was going to happen, something had to happen, it just didn't seem right otherwise. Okay, so it had been one of the most boring episodes, but still, there had to be a challenge, and Angel fight in there somewhere?

What was going on here?

Okay... Go through it in you head. What do you remember from the series?

Asuka goes down, captures the angel, then it attacks her. There's a fight, and Shinji ends up having to rescue her. But, it hasn't attacked her. So what then? What's it waiting for.

I stared at the cable, slowly spooling up on the winch.

"All the tension released at once," a voice commented.

All except for that straining , twisting in my gut, folds of intestines tying themselves into knots while I squirmed in my chair. Unit 03 tensed sympathetically, the pair of us going as taught as a drumhead. I was quivering, wondering when...no if something was going to happen. The cable continued to reel itself onto the drum, a few meters every second. Minutes seemed as if they were hours, a cheerful banter coming across the comm's. Those hot springs did sound like paradise alright. I tried to relax. Unit 03 helped as best she could, as she usually did. She was a pair of soft arms, wrapping around my body like a winter duvet. Shinji's EVA though, still glared from the other side of the caldera.

Still reeling the cable in.

Still fucking waiting.

Why don't you just hurry up an attack? What the hell could you be waiting on? I want to get sick. I want to go to those hotsprings now.

That was the benefit of a half hour TV programme. All the boring bits like this could be edited out. How silly, to think being a giant robot pilot would be a thrill-a-minute ride. The reality couldn't be more different. There were procedures, there was training, there were more procedures, more training on top of that. Medical, synchronisation, physical tests, all before I was even allowed try and move the thing.

And then the drills, the missions, all spent sitting, breathing this disgusting blood of Lilith. That was one plot point of the series I could've done with forgetting. The cable beside me, jerked and slackened for the briefest of moments. Weird.

Sorhyu; "Hey, this thing's going crazy down here!" Asuka's sharp voice cut through my thoughts.

Akagi; "It's evolving rapidly. The cage can't take it, it's going to break free,"

Katsuragi; "Drop it Asuka, then prepare for combat." Katsuragi ordered, her face cast from iron beside me. "It must be destroyed,"

"It's about bloody time," I remarked privately, before realising the comm-channel was still open. They rest of my words were quickly swallowed before I drew any more strange looks from those who understood them.

Sorhyu; "Shit, I dropped my knife."

My cue? I looked to the image of Misato for the order.

Sorhyu; "No, Get away from me. Get away!" Sohryu shrieked.

A crunching impact drummed across the radio, punching hard from the headrest speakers. I winced away from it, the thought that Asuka might just have died flashing through my mind for the briefest of instants.

Sorhyu; "Godamn, I can't even see it!"

Um...

"Should.. I throw knife?"

Katsuragi; "Yes!" she barked, "Do it now!"

"Roger!"

Don't screw this up, I'd look like such an idiot if I did. Draw back, then throw forward as hard as I can down the hole, and hope.

"Uploading targeting data to Unit 03," a tech reported, while the HUD before me locked onto a single point below.

I had to hit that dead on.

And that poor choice of words wasn't helping.

Why did I want to do this again? Okay, focus, lock on. Ready...

Steady...

THROW!

The knife launched forward, a silver streak slashing through the black crust, leaving only a cherry-red crater to mark it's passing.

Comm-Maya: "Noriko's prog-knife is on it's way down,"

Sorhyu; "Well it can damn well hurry up!" Asuka blasted.

Another shriek of fright followed by a crashing impact echoed over the radio, tightening another knot in my gut. I'd never be able to go to the bathroom again if this kept up. I didn't screw it up. I couldn't screw it up. God I hoped I hadn't screwed it up.

"Thirty seconds to knife arrival," some tech intoned impassively.

Sorhyu; "Damn You! Get away from me!"

Beside me, the crane pitched and buckled, shifting on it's struts as the cable pulled taught once more. The malevolent frame of Unit 01 stared down into the crater, its pilot glancing quickly between screens in his cockpit.

"Twenty seconds,"

Another crunch, a long creaking wrutch announcing that the Angel had taken hold of Unit 02. Had I fucked it up? Had I hit the wrong spot? Had I thrown too hard, or too soft? Had I waited too long?, Would Asuka be crushed before the knife could reach her? Don't be stupid!

"Ten seconds,"

Sorhyu; "Damn, I've lost it. Where did this thing go?"

Shinji's gaze darted between what must've been the volcano in front of him, and an image beside him. He was thinking about something, no, he was planning, considering, wrestling with himself over whether to do it or not.

Sorhyu; "Fall faster damn you!" an alarm. "Sheiss... Get Away!"

A hard impact, the loudest so far, followed by an intermineable silence. I was sure...certain in fact, that that was it. Asuka was dead, and it was my fault. It hung heavy on my shoulders, like the hissy, snowy static the built over the radio. Time stretched to an eternity. It could only have been a few moments, a single heartbeat at most before a new Asuka's voice split the airwaves.

Sorhyu; "I got it! But damn, this thing's got me,"

Relief. That was it. The Angel would be defeated, and I'd gotten my own little piece of the action too. Nothing was left for me to do but sit back and watch everything unfold. Excitement buzzed through my veins as I listened to the battle, the drumbeat rhythm of Asuka smashing the prog-knife into the Angel sounded loud and hard, an animated picture of the battle deep below clear in my mind.

I could see the shape of Sandalphon clearly latched on to the Kenny-like hood of Unit-02's armour, it's ring of teeth scratching at the glass before Asuka. Beside me, her video image she grimaced as she drove another stabbing blow into the monster.

Sorhyu; "What's this thing made of? The knife keeps scratching off its back. I should've brought my own, this one's useless."

Akagi; "It's not the knife, it's the Angel. It's molecular structure has become too distended with the extreme heat,"

Katsuragi; "Can we pull it too the surface and finish it off?"

Comm-Aoba: "Negative, the armour won't last long enough."

I waited, a smirk crossing my lips as I did so. It was that same smirk I always wore each time I'd rewatched this episode.

Sorhyu; "I know how to beat this. Just like this morning..." Asuka announced.

Ikari; "I get it," Shinji answered.

"Thermal Expansion!" I mouthed along with that famous line in that way only a true girlfriend-needing fanboy would. Of course, I wasn't just watching it this time, I was actually taking part in it.

A flush of giddy excitement.

Sorhyu; "Shunt all the coolant to line three, now!"

Katsuragi; "Do it!"

A gaseous roar announced itself over the radio, Asuka screaming along with it as she drove that knife home for the last time. For a moment, I thought I could hear the Angel's death scream as it died.

Then, the words came.

"The target has gone silent. All field emissions negative."

Sorhyu; "But, I think I might be done for, the cable won't survive if we try to winch it."

Something snapped inside Shinji. Before I had time to figure out what or why, Unit 01 had launched itself across the crater, taking what seemed like one giant, leaping step before it crashed hard into the cable. Instantly overloaded, the crane structure buckled beneath the stress, overloaded tie rods exploding from between truss beams.

The whole machine dropped five feet, maybe more before it held steady.

The pain washed over Shinji's features as Unit 01 drilled itself through the lava crust. It was just that final scene where we see through Asuka's armour at the moment she realises that maybe Shinji does have some courage.

More than I would have anyway.

Even with the heaviest armour of all four Evangelion, there was no chance I'd be following him down there. No way. I'd sink like a stone for one thing, and judging by the agonised expression on Shinji's face, it would be like a bath in flame. It wouldn't have done much good anyway for me to have jumped down there anyway, I was still only the new pilot. If I'd have gone down there instead of him, there would've been two deaths instead of none.

I wasn't skilled enough yet.

A fair justification then, so why was there still this acrid feeling of shame on me?

Katsuragi; "Cut his sync ratio, now! Before he boils alive,"

She was a stunned as everyone else, her voice taking on a sharp edge of fear.

Katsuragi; "Follow the cable down Shinji. Do not let go of it or you'll sink and we won't be able to recover you,"

She was afraid for him, for the both of them even. I knew of course that he would be successful, but she didn't. Tense, silent minutes passed, nobody really say much aloud beyond a technician's depth countdown.

Finally, we heard Shinji's voice.

Ikari; "I found her! I've got her!"

Misato smiled a soft, relieved smile.

From Katsuragi; "Hold on tight, we're going to start reeling you in,"

Sorhyu; "You idiot," Asuka chided in venomless tones.

The drum behind me began to slowly winch in the cable, running gently so as not to jar the two EVA's loose. The crane began to tilt slightly, straining against it's guy ropes as it tried to flop over like a dead fish beneath the weight.

They couldn't not no about it, I told myself. So there was no use bothering about it. It looked to be holding anyway. Besides, if I did say anything they might just decide to order me down into the crater to pick them up.

I wasn't going down there if I could help it.

Nothing in the episode mentioned a collapsing crane anyway, so it probably wouldn't go anyway,

But something nagged at me.

One of the first thing I'd been taught, was that if I thought something should be reported, then it should be reported, regardless of how insignificant it seemed. Even if that crane wasn't going to fall, I still had to mention it.

"Um," I cut open the channel. "Has anybody...saw crane damage?"

A few confused faces answered, taking a few moments to work out what I'd said. Misato glanced away for a moment, while Asuka scowled.

Sorhyu; "You idiot!" she shot, "You're half assed heroics are going to get us both killed now."

It didn't take too much for her to change her tone.

Shinji answered with a nervous grin.

Ikari; "Sorry," he muttered, opening his mouth to say something else, before deciding it would be healthier not to.

Sorhyu; "Sorry won't cut it if you kill me!" Asuka cut loose a quick storm of fury "So help me God if I die because of you I'll...I'll.." she paused... "I'll haunt you,"

A quick chuckle escaped my lips.

Katsuragi; "Don't worry Asuka, if the crane goes, you won't be waiting too long for him to join you." Misato reminded with a humoured smile. "Besides, Hyuuga says it should hold long enough to pull you guys up anyway, as long as it doesn't take any more strong jolts."

So that was that then. Mission over. The crane damage didn't mean anything after all. It wasn't going to collapse and in another hour or two, we would be safely stewing in a steaming hotsprings resort.

Fate must've been reading my mind. And it decided it wasn't going to be taking any orders from a teenage mecha Pilot.

Slowly, the crane began to topple sidewards and collapsed down into the crater...

..Just then, the crane slowly began to topple sidewards, and collapsed down into the crater.

I watched the twisted wreckage plunge, coolant and power cables whipping and snarling over each other as they fell. Hydraulic fluid fountained off like blood. The whole lot crashed into the lava lake in an explosion of red fire and brimstone. The winch, still firmly anchored to the ground, was whirling itself up into a furious steel tornado as metres of cable spooled off uncontrollably. Smoke billowed from the bearings as emergency braking mechanisms rapidly overheated and failed. Severe-duty anchor bolts began to strip their threads, over a hundred metric tonnes of iron and steel slowly pulling itself free of it's grounding.

The significance of all this was lost on me for a moment, while I wondered just when this had happened in the episode. I didn't remember there being anything as significant as the whole crane collapsing. Maybe that bit had been cut out because the episode ran long? Why did the animatics and background on the DvD have to be for episode nine instead of ten?

"They're falling," an urgent voice announced across the radio. "Depth, fifteen hundred meters and increasing rapidly."

Katsuragi; "What are you waiting for? Grab that cable!" barked Misato. "Catch it before they fall to their deaths."

I blinked at the purple haired image staring at me.

Sorhyu; "You idiot!" Asuka screeched.

There came a second scream.

They were falling.

Slowly, the curtain lifted, and I realised just what had been going on. Right then, I wasn't so much terrified, or even concerned any more. It was more a sense of foggy bewilderment that handcuffed my response.

"Roger," I said.

Okay...grab the cable.

It took only a few moments more to grab the whipping cable, wrapping it around Unit 03's arm like a tug-o-war rope. A slight heat flared under my own arm as the cable burned it's way forward. Not painful, more like somebody had held a small lightbulb to my bare skin for the briefest of seconds.

It gripped tight.

Panic struck as the cable wrenched all seven thousand tonnes of my machine forward. Sheer bloody terror invaded my thoughts, a rush of adrenaline burning through my veins as Unit 03 skidded, lost it's footing, and began to topple forward.

I cried out, seeing my own fiery death loom large before me. My heart raced as I scrambled to balance my EVA, to keep myself from going over the edge. The horrifying realisation struck that, if I fell, it wouldn't just mean the end to my life, but Asuka and Shinji's too.

Not some fake, long holiday far away death, but real, immediate and permanent. And most likely agonisingly drawn out. All three of us, either slowly crushed to death or boiled alive in LCL, take your pick. The first time I'd come face to face with my mortality, it had been wearing black armour, now, it was a blood red lake of molten rock.

"Stop it.. STOP IT!" I screeched, driving my heels hard into the rock. There came a scream of tortured steel resonating up through the structure, mingled with the crunch of pulverised rock as I stamped desperately for some solid ground

"Stop, please stop!," I begged my machine, tears of fear welling up.

My heels dug in...hard and for a second, I felt I'd finally stopped. It was a false relief though, as the weight slowly tipped Unit 03 forwards. A bolt of fear shot through me as I struggled at the controls, trying to use my own weight in some way to keep upright. Unit 03 creaked and groaned, and it occurred to me briefly that maybe, it would be best to just drop the cable.

Better two die than three right?

Could I face Misato, or anybody else after doing that?

Shame on me for even thinking such a thing!

I shook it off and gritted my teeth.

Akagi; "Lean backwards, use your own weight to support them both," the Doctor advised.

"Got it!" I yelped.

But how in the name of God was I supposed to do that without sliding feet first into flaming death? Just hold on for dear life!

I began to panic, my heart racing as visions of my own burning face flashed before my eyes. My eyes screwed shut and I braced myself for the short rush of the fall, and the searing pain of the volcano. It would take a while to die down there. Plenty of time to suffer anyway. Burning and falling, knowing there was no hope of any rescue, knowing that it was my fault all three of us had been killed.

With a strangulated cry of fear, Unit 03 lurched forward, and finally:

Ikari; "We've stopped falling," Shinji said.

Sorhyu; "The winch must've reached the end of its cable," Asuka told him.

They were calm, calmer than myself anyway. I was shivering, gripping so tight to the throttles I'd probably bruised my own hands. It took a few precious moments for me to realise that I wasn't moving, and that warmth pooling around my waist wasn't lava burning up my legs.

Uh...how embarrassing.

Slowly, my eyes cracked open to see a cloudy blue sky, and the contrails of three bombers soaring above. Offering a quiet prayer for my safety, I looked down to see the feet of Unit 03 scant inches from the crater rim.

Okay, it must've been at least twenty feet, but it felt like inches to me.

Gut wrenchingly close to certain death.

It was almost funny.

I'd nearly died on my first mission! I'd nearly taken everyone with me too!

Relief!

"I got it," I said, chest heaving. I had to catch my breath. "I got cable,"

My muscles strained as I pulled hard back on the throttles, just trying to hold it upright. I could feel the whole weight of the both Eva's pulling on my arms. My elbows were slipping from their sockets, like somebody had decided to hang to decent sized fridges from my arms.

It might just've been myself straining against my own muscles, or some other psychosomatic thing like that. You never could tell with Eva involved, but I wasn't about to risk it by relaxing either.

Katsuragi; "Good work Noriko. We'll start the cable winch again, we just need you to pass the line through and keep it tight."

I nodded, the strain of holding the two EVA's beginning to tell.

Akagi; "Don't shock the line," the Doctor warned. "If you shock the line, you might shake them loose, or break the winch."

Was it just my imagination, or did she never have anything good to say?

"I understand," I nervously answered.

Both their lives were in my hands. No hyperbole, no bullshit, that was it. If I screwed up, that would be it. And this wasn't even in the show...or at least it wasn't mentioned. Why would something not be mentioned that was as deadly as this?

If this could happen, did that mean I could actually fail, and Asuka and Shinji would die?

Oh crap... Oh crap, Oh crap... Fuck... Why did I want to do this again?

Remember your breathing exercises, and just focus on letting the EVA do the task in hand. See how you want to manoeuvre the machine, then tell her how to do it.

Katsuragi; "Commence winching."

The cable went tight under my arms, pulling back and easing the load. Okay, I just had to loosen my grip ever so slightly to let it pass through, but not so much that it drops. That wasn't to hard, not really... I could do this.

Just ease it gently.

My heart stopped as I felt the cable begin to move. Slowly at first, before slowly building in speed. It tugged at my armour as it passed, a few meters at a time.

I began to settle into it, about the same time Misato began to explain how Japanese baths worked. I don't know how anybody could be so calm to discuss bathing, when certain death was only one mistake away. All I could see was that cable dropping from my grasp, the shock of the fall jilting the winch loose from it's mounts, and the whole lot go screaming past into the bowels of the Earth and certain doom

The nightmare replaying a hundred times for my benefit right until Misato decided it was high time she remind Asuka about of of the most important parts of Japanese bathing. That scream of fury nearly sent her plummeting back down again.

It took an hour almost to get them to the lip of the crater, an hour of fear and focus, the consequences of failure never far for my mind.

My arms ached, my head hurt, the butterflies were still biting away quite happily in my belly. I was starving hungry, yet ready to throw up at the exact same time. I just wanted to get them out of there and get to that hotsprings.

I didn't care about being naked in the same place as two other women, as long as I could have a nice hot meal, and a nice long, luxuriating soak in a mineral spa.

When the scorched form of Unit 01 finally crested the crater, I knew I was nearly done. The battered remains of Unit 02 followed a few moments afterwards, collapsing onto the fractured ground ahead of me.

Katsuragi; "Good work everyone," Misato said. "Operation complete."

A sudden warmth came over me, building into a giddy excitement. My first mission was over. That was one hell of a nasty shock, but things had worked out. Nobody was dead, the Angel was defeated, I'd saved Shinji and Asuka's lives.

I could've screamed, if I hadn't have been so damned tired. Slowly calming down while I dragged the abandoned mech's away to safety, I was struck by how little it seemed to bother anyone that Asuka and Shinji had come moments from death.

While I'd been bricking it, they were discussing bathing arrangements.

I sighed to myself and decided that maybe they were just used to it.

I...I

The resort was run by a woman named Ms. Fubuki. It was a traditional looking place all right, wooden built in a century's old style. Almost as old in fact as Ms. Fubuki herself. I'll never forget the surprised look on that her face when the four of us appeared at her door.

Behind Misato, myself and the two children where still wearing our drying plugsuits. The LCL had long since caked to our body's, giving off a disgusting smell that wasn't much different from a bad harbour at low tide. My hair had turned into a solid lump of plastic.

Fubuki was practically holding her nose as she showed us in, past that little raised platform where we were supposed to pay. Inside, the onsen was pretty sparsely decorated, matching the dignified age of the buildings exterior. Varnished wood panelling served to make it appear much darker inside, than it probably was.

Nobody had thought to bring much in the way of clothes, so a set of warm towels and some evening wear were provided for a 'fair' price. I suppose it seemed fair to Ms Fubuki, what with supply and demand and all that.

I kept my mouth shut all the while, quietly pretending I was a native just so I didn't have to go through the introduction to Japanese bathing Asuka was forced into. Gloating quietly to myself as I passed into the women's side, I was taken aside by Misato. She was wearing that same sinister grin as she had that morning and I began to realise it may just have been best to stay with Asuka after all.

"How are you feeling," My guardian asked with a false kindness.

"Fine," I mumbled, hoping beyond silent hope that she would just give me quiet congratulations for my battlefield performance.

"That's good," she responded as she stripped her bra off. "Oh, this scar? I got it during the Second Impact, it's no big deal," she swatted playfully.

It wasn't exactly her herringbone scar I was looking at.

"Anyway," Misato continued. "If those cramps are still bothering you, I know an excellent way for you to feel better. It works for me all the time."

Still, she grinned.

"You do?" I questioned, with only the slightest inkling of what she was on about.

Her grin widened.

"Mmm-Hmmm. Want me to tell you?"

I looked past the curtain, where Asuka's silhouette was being introduced to the concept of washing before bathing...for the second time. I wanted to be out there, as far away from Misato as possible. Of course, I twigged just what she might have been on about.

"Of course,"

There had to be a reason beyond alcoholism that she drank so much. Okay, I wasn't that naïve, but I could sure as hell hope. And frankly, almost anything would be better than having my stomach tear itself apart every few minutes.

"Well, come closer," she whispered. "This is a secret only for official members of the proud sisterhood of adult women,"

"Sisterhood?" I blinked, as she dragged me close to her.

Her skin was so warm! Sweaty and slick with the humidity, but still, I thought of a fair few things she could do for me that would make me feel better right away. Her arm fell heavy on my shoulder, her buxom breast pressing against mine. A ticklish thrill ran through my body as her lips approached my ear, and I found it hard to fight down the devil-grin that was spreading across my lips.

The pair of us, semi-naked in a steaming washroom, body-to body, with Misato's lips about to caress my ear with the gentlest of womanly touches.

"This is what you can do," she whispered, each sibilant tone like a serpent hissing in my ear. I grinned, a giddy, girlish grin, ready to embrace my wildest dreams at a moments notice. "You know where it hurts?"

I nodded,

"Well..." she leaned over and whispered something in my ear...

That little old wives tale sent me running with a squeak of embarrassment, red faced. That was followed by the cackling of witches laughter as Misato left me alone to wash herself at the other end of the room.

I sat back one of those stools that they had scattered round, and rested against the cold wood pannelled divider. With hindsight, I probably half knew what she was going to suggest. But, these cramps were driving me nuts.

The idea took root.

It prospered and grew while I washed myself, lathering myself up with soap with my own hands. I didn't dare let Misato wash my back in case she put in to practice what she preached. Besides, I enjoyed bathing myself. It was...soothing.

Sisterhood of adult women huh?

I'd certainly never given much thought to what was actually down there, or inside me. I wasn't so stupidly naïve as not to know either, it just never got in the way of my daily life. At least, not until that morning anyway. I'd decided that if it wasn't going to bother me, I wasn't going to bother it.

But now?

Misato had long left for the baths, yet her idea still lingered like a bad smell. You didn't like it, but you couldn't ignore it. I grunted, I wasn't a pervert like that woman. I would keep myself clean.

I framed that thought with a cold water rinse...that I didn't know was going to be a cold water rinse.

The shock of it sent me running for a rad-warmed towel before my body froze. The steaming spring beckoned outside, Misato slowly slipping herself down into it, up to her neck and beyond.

I could wait, maybe make sure I'd gotten the last few dregs of dried Angel blood out of my hair. Asuka entered, grumbling to herself about 'institutionalised racism that would have a European business closed'.

"When in Rome," I answered, my thoughts elsewhere.

"Who are you to say, When in Rome?" Sohryu huffed, throwing her plugsuit into a heap with mine. "The only thing that makes you Japanese is your genes. You can't even speak the language as well as me yet,"

I giggled. It was kind of funny that way.

"I know, but I can blend in,"

"That's stupid," Asuka bit, "If you try to blend in, the nobody will know you're any different to anyone else. Nobody will ever notice you,"

I shrugged,

"I don't really want to be noticed," I said, thinking of that first time with the stooges. "It's too much trouble,"

"You are weird, you know that, you really are sometimes,"

"I know," I smiled back at her, before pausing to think. "I guess, I like being weird,"

It was that same answer I'd given for years every time somebody told me I was weird, strange, or an outright oddball.. Asuka snorted.

"Each to her own. I must be the only normal person in NERV then," she remarked, before dropping onto a stool opposite me, her unsupported breasts bouncing.

I gave a half hearted laugh, while she began to lather her body up, massaging the soap gently into her own chest, then down along to her waistline and beyond. My eyes dropped to the sink, and my own hands. A shadow of a bruise had begun to creep across my palms alright. It gave a dull ache as I clenched my fist. I could really have died.

I could have killed everyone.

"How do you do it, Asuka?" I said.

"Do what? Wash myself? What are you stupid or something?" she blustered back. Something was obviously bothering her too.

"No.. I meant, during the mission today." I took a breath. "You nearly died, and you weren't afraid at all. Even Shinji was able to jump in and rescue you,"

Asuka scowled... I'd hit the sore spot alright. Stupid me.

"But," I said, looking at my own bruised hands. "I was so terrified of falling in that, well..." I didn't want to say I wet myself... "If I did, we'd all have died."

She caught me with a hard edged glare for a moment, her eyes cutting to my soul. I wasn't sure what was more terrifying, an annoyed Asuka, or a volcano? She thought about it, and I got the chilling feeling that I was about to be caught and ground zero of a pressure cooker explosion.

"I'm not afraid," she said flatly, fixing me with a deadly stare. " Because I don't think about it. If you only think about what can go wrong, you'll never be able to Pilot near as good as me. It's too distracting. Of course," the flavour returned to her voice, " that idiot Shinji is just too stupid to know he's in any danger until after the fact,"

"What about me?" drifted across the divider in Japanese.

A pair of steel eyes crept over the top of the barrier, curiously looking down. Asuka had her back to them, but I could see him clearly.

"Nothing," I called over.

Asuka looked up, then back over her shoulder for the source of the voice.

"Do you have spare body shampoo please?" the owner of the eyes asked nervously, " If it's not too inconvenient. There's none over here,"

"Sure... I finished," I answered back, standing up to throw the bottle to him. He wasn't paying too much attention to me anyway.

Asuka's eyes golfballed.

"You pervert!" she squealed, covering her chest with her arms. "Get your eyes back to your own side,"

"Sorry!" he yelped.

The eyes dropped suddenly, shortly followed by a wet slap of soft skin against wood and the clatter of a plastic stool being launched across the room.

"You should be!" Asuka yelled after him, before launching into a rather nasty tirade of 'colourful' german. "And it's your fault too, you know that?" Sohryu turned to face me, her gale blustering into a storm.

I winced, stepping back.

"Showing yourself off to him like that. He could see everything!"

Everything? I gulped, and looked down my body, through the valley of my breasts, along my stomach and down between my legs to my feet.

"It was just the shampoo, he wasn't even looking at me," I tried to bat it off, a lump of embarrassment slowly creeping it's way up my throat. My toes had begun to crinkle with the thoughts of Shinji actually eyeing me.

"All boys are liars and cheats who'll do anything for peek of pink, didn't I tell you?"

"Yes," I mumbled, searching for some random excuse. "But I've only been a girl for three weeks. I don't know how to be one."

Silence.

Idiot! my mind's voice screamed. Now you've gone and done it. Of course, she's only going to ask how, and then where will you be for an answer? Locked in an interrogation room, that's where.

"What are you, stupid?" Asuka blasted, reaching full cry. "How could you have only been a girl for three weeks? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard of."

She was pissed.

I was on the verge of tears.

I had to tell her now. Dear God she's just going to think I'm a loon. She stood there, somehow towering over me, with her legs far apart and her arms crossed over her chest

"I woke in hospital three weeks ago," I said, snivelling. "I only... before that...I..."

"It's your memory isn't it?" Sorhyu's tone softened. "You really don't remember anything,"

I looked up at her, her posture relaxed and neutral.

"No," I whimpered, "Nothing before the hospital,"

Silence.

"Well I'm not going to stand around here and feel sorry for you Fourth Child." Asuka said sharply. "You can either cry about it like some pathetic child, or deal with it like an adult."

I hiccuped, and blinked, trying to catch my breath.

"I'll be in the bath," she said.

Her feet padded softly on the wooden floor as she left, receding towards the pool. I slumped onto the stool with a thud, quietly sobbing.

Well, there' goes my friendship with Asuka then. And over what? Because I asked a question? Because I didn't think that Shinji might be looking at me? Probably just because she got fed up with me is all. It always happens.

Suddenly, that bath didn't seem like such an inviting place after all. Those two were out there. I could hear them chatting between themselves. I held my breath for a few moments, and rubbed my eyes as best I could, a few half stifled sobs escaping. Hiccup.

Of course, it would have to happen today, of all days. I wake up in the morning, and find it's my 'special time'. And Angel attacks, and I nearly kill everyone, and finally, I bollock my friendship with Asuka up over nothing.

Literally!

Why was she so fucking pissed off, huh? And where did she get off being angry at me? I never did anything to her. It's not my fault anyway. I've only been one for three weeks, how am I supposed to know how to be a girl?

I can't exactly ask someone now, can I?

I sighed, rubbing my stinging eyes. My brain was swimming in a sea of hormone fuelled emotions, my mind a little dinghy caught in a hurricane A quiver ran up my back as I fought to regain my mental balance. Another sniff, and a swallowed lump crawling down the back of my throat. Slowly, a cool calm came over me. I stood up, and caught sight of my still naked reflection in the mirror.

Noriko Nagato... that was me. And it wasn't going to change any time soon.

"Are you okay in there Noriko?" Misato's voice called in.

"Um...yeah," I shouted out. "Just feeling...little shy,"

A bit of a lie. Another shiver ran up my spine.

"Don't be," the answer came back. "The water's lovely and warm,"

There was a splash, and a girlish giggle from outside. Well, it would be better to work this out in a hot spring than in a chilly washroom, wouldn't it

The night air was cold, but the spring was warm in the way a simple bath couldn't be. A bath was already going cold from the moment you turned the taps off, but this spring was an infinite well of pure thermal pleasure.

It was like bathing in heat.

It soaked straight to the core of my body, boiling away any biological discomforts. After a long day, it was a perfect way to forget about everything. I slipped down up to my neck in the mineral water, and blew bubbles.

Misato sat between myself and Asuka, both half asleep.

It was quiet. It was a heavenly end to the day. I looked to Asuka, wondering what was going through her head, before deciding not to bother. Maybe if I just gave her some space, she'd cool off.

I...I

"Reise! Reise!" A woman's voice invaded my morning's sleep.

Asuka?

Well, whoever they were, they were giving orders in German.

"Schnell!" my bedsheets where whisked away by the hands of a cold breeze.

No, it wasn't Asuka, she was on the bed beside mine, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"I don't speak German," I slurred to my pillow.

Where did those covers go?

My arm reached out in a desperate attempt to find them, padding the floor, my bedroll, my leg. It found nothing but my own soft butt.

"Hawwy up!" the order came again in accented English.

Asuka was sitting up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

She muttered something in her native tongue. Something about 'Morgen'.

A malevolant shadow passed over me. My eyes followed the shadow to it's feet, up along it's shaven legs, passed the hem of a black skirt and a shaded white flash of underwear, up to a red jacket over a purple tank top, around a few stray strands of raven-purple hair, to the grinning face of my demon guardian.

"Morning Misato," I said.

Ritual appeasement, a prayer to the Gods of sleep to encourage her to leave. la la Noriko fthagn. Go away Misato and let me sleep. I'd em... been to sleep late.

"And how are you feeling this morning Noriko?" she asked.

She was too cheerful, like Elmo after a shot of lithium. Too tired to fully translate an answer, I rolled over in my bed and turned my butt to her.

"It's the second day of your cycle, isn't it?"

Bah...don't remind me. An even better reason to stay in bed. A pang of a morning cramp enforced the point.

"So, did you give my advice a whirl?" she probed,

My body curled up around itself, an echo of sensation running up my spine from a very private place.

"...Yes," I muttered, feeling my body flush with embarrassment.

"And..."

I whimpered,

"What 'advice'?" Asuka cut in.

"Don't tell her!" I whined, forgetting my Japanese.

"Just a little self medication technique for dealing with period cramps." answered Misato dismissively.

A short squee escaped from my lips, a desperate longing for a dark sheet to hide under. All I had was a basic nightshirt and my own bare skin to save me from the embarrassment of my...err,,,indiscretion.

"Oh...I prefer rocky road ice-cream myself. That sort of thing never worked for me," said Asuka, as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world.

What?...No scream of 'pervert'? No violence? No blood or hatred?

I pushed myself upright, my nightshirt hanging loosely from my frame. A little bewildered, and a little dirty downstairs, I brushed a a few dark strands of my face and sighed.

"Well, it works for me," said Misato, "And I think it might have worked for our young Noriko here too?"

That vulpine grin of hers was answered only by a nervous laugh and a quick nod. I looked to Asuka for a moment, to see what her reaction would be. All she did was yawn like this was no big deal.

Or she was tired.

An old saying came to mind-If you say you don't you're a liar, and a fool if you say that you do. Damned if it wasn't too late to just keep quiet, Katsuragi'd already chosen my path by telling all.

"It was... it worked," I whispered shyly.

It worked well...

"Each to her own, I suppose," commented Asuka, with an unbothered shrug of her shoulders. "Just don't wake me up when you do it," she warned.

What?

She should've been screaming, or ripping the life out of me with cruel taunts and jibes. Guys didn't talk about things like this, not so openly anyway. To do so would invite death by a thousand mocking laughs.

And these two were talking about it as if it was no big deal.

"Anyway, more importantly," Misato continued. "Since we didn't bring any clothes, I've ordered a set of uniforms couriered in from headquarters,"

Asuka scowled.

"I'm not wearing my school uniform on a Sunday,"

"You'll have to," Our guardians foot came down. "Unless you want to wear a used, dry, plugsuit out in public?"

"Alright," Sohryu relented with a roll of her eyes.

I didn't have a school uniform, did that mean I had to go naked?

"What about me?"

"I'll have your uniform too Noriko, don't worry." she smiled.

"But...I don't go to school," I said.

"Oh...I knew there was something I forget to tell you," she slapped her forehead. "You start tomorrow morning Noriko, I'm sorry, it must've slipped my mind."

She smiled apologetically.

All I could do was groan, and bury my face in my hands. A pot of anger simmered in my belly, rising up the back of my throat.

"Thank you for telling me," I growled.

I...I

I managed to avoid Asuka for the rest of the day. She seemed her normal self, but after yesterday, no chances were being taken. The last thing I wanted was to annoy her further. Instead, I enjoyed what Misato called a 'Pyjama day', lazing out on the couch in my nightwear, eating junkfood and watching western television.

It gave me plenty of time to reflect on what Asuka had actually said. Deal with it like an adult? Alright, so she was only talking about my memory loss, there was no way she'd know about my gender issues...at least, not the true extent. But, it was sound advice.

Sound advice that I had no idea how to take.

I barely new the first thing about being a girl, I was barely able to deal with it. Things that would be utterly normal to Asuka say, were throwing me half through a loop. I could barely deal with a stupid little tampon for God's sake, it made me sick.

It would've been so much easier if I'd just been able to remember more of Noriko's life than the last five minutes of it...or that weird train thing. I could call up on her experiences to help, to guide me and tell me how to do things, but no, I had to do this all by myself.

And now that I had school coming up, with people who were supposedly my own age?

I remembered my last time through school alright. Anybody who happened to be strange, who didn't fit the norm, was singled out, isolated and ground down. The swot, the fat kid, the loner, the teacher's pet, the socially inept, anyone who stood out in the slightest way. What was it they said in Japan? The nail that sticks out gets hammered.

I knew what that felt like.

There was only one thing for it then, I'd have to find a way to fit in. I'd have to fill Noriko's shoes and at least act like a normal girl.

A bit bloody difficult when I'd no idea how though. It'd be like asking an Amish man to work in tech-support for Microsoft.

So then, if I couldn't use Noriko's experiences as a guide, I'd have to use someone else's. Misato was too old, and a bit more...'womanly' than I could ever happily be. No, there was only one person who could help me now.

But would she?

Well, I guess I just had to bite the bullet and ask her.

Easier said than done.

It was only later that night that the courage came. After how annoyed she'd been the night before, there was no way of knowing how to react.

"Hey Asuka," I nudged, rolling in my bed to face her.

A tired "What?" answered

A lump grew in the back of my throat as my words crashed together into some almighty pile up. Something had panic-braked at my tongue, and the rest just ploughed on into the back of them. The road between brain and mouth was closed for the cleanup.

I tried to talk, to find a way to say it, but nothing could get passed the tangled verbal wreckage. Fragments of sentences flashed about through my mind.

Will you?...You know when?...I don't know...

Dammit!

Just take a detour. See if she's willing to talk about it first. A nervous flutter entered my breath as I tried to speak, my words coloured by the fear that I might finally ruin our friendship.

"Um...About last night,"

"Don't worry about it," she swatted, ruffling her sheets. "It was only your period talking, you couldn't help it."

I don't think I had anything to be sorry for, it was her that started getting angry. Bah!...It's not important now.

"Thanks, but that's not it." I said. "It was...em..." the lump bulged, shifting along the back of my gullet. "When I told you, I didn't know how to be a girl,"

"Not that again," the girl groaned.

I winced.

"It's just that..well... will you show me how?"

Silence.

The calm before the storm.

"Sure," Asuka answered groggily. "Now stop bothering me and go to sleep."

A strange, giddy excitement filled my frame for a second, before settling. I suddenly became aware that I might just have willingly joined the enemy. If I actually went ahead with this, there might be no going back.

Was it worth giving my very self up, just for the sake of fitting in?

I'd made my bed...Now I had to sleep in it.

I...I