Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Santa Ain't Comin' No Mo'! ❯ Santa Ain't Comin' No Mo'! ( One-Shot )

>This is a songfic.

>I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion and everything about it. If I did, then I wouldn't be writing fanfics and I'll be up on my ass making another movie and all that mess.

>Give your comments at raiden_x_@hotmail.com

Pre-ramblings: This is a side-songfic for "Shinji's Odd Jobs".

It is set beyond the current chapters, think of this as a sneak preview.

This is also an entry for the "An Anime Christmas" Fan Fic Contest.

The I was inspired to make this songfic by the song "Santa Ain't Comin' No Mo'" from the album 'Fruitcake' by the band 'ERASERHEADS' from Philippines. For those who would like the original Mp3 of this song, get more info at the 'Multimedia download' section of my website. Email me before downloading anything. 'Nuf said.

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Santa Ain't Comin' No Mo'!

(-"An Anime Christmas" Fan Fic Contest- version)

Another songfic by Raiden_X_

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Story so far:

Shinji had enough of piloting Evangelions. After a deal with his father, Shinji has two weeks worth of time to search for a different job (because Nerv will only pay for his expenses IF he pilots Unit-01) before he chooses whether to stay at Nerv or quit. Having no luck at job hunting, Shinji decides to give up. Suddenly, Death came knocking on his door. Soon, Shinji became Death's apprentice. Five days had passed (5 centuries if you count in a timeless dimension) and the young Ikari has learnt the job by heart. In order to fully graduate, he is required to forge his own scythe. Returning back to the realm of the living, Shinji set out on his quest to travel to the other dimensions. As luck would have it, Shinji meets up with Good Ol' St. Nick at the post office, collecting his mail (he had to do it himself or else the postmen are just going to trash them). Soon, they were riding on the sleigh, heading towards Mt. Olympus. After narrating all the hardships he has endured so far, the young Ikari unintentionally triggered a deep depression from Santa. Making a detour back to North Pole, the jolly red bloke 'aint so jolly anymore, sobbing away in his couch...

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[Santa's workshop]

"Thanks a lot kid! Now the big 'Red Tub of Lard' has a mid-life crisis!" The chief of the elves yelled angrily at the 'Death-in-training'.

"........!" Shinji was flabbergasted.

Santa on psychological leave meant that there would be no Christmas gifts. That could bring about a rise upon non-believers, and that meant Shinji would have to harvest Ol' St. Nick's soul.

"We got to warn the villagers! Our existence is in danger!" The Elf chief hollered to his group.

<Oh yeah, No Santa meant no Elven workshop and no secret North Pole village.> Shinji groaned.

"I have an announcement!" The oldest of the five pixies hollered over the halls of the workshop. Production halted as they perked up to listen to their chief-supervisor.

Elf Chief:

"I'd hate to burst your bubble,
Rain on your parade,
Coz you've gone through all the trouble,
Preparations you have made.
But I've got a little news and,
It's really not that good,
I don't wanna spoil the party,
But I really think I should..."

Santa's Little helpers (Chorus):

"You may have been naughty,
You may have been nice,
Well it doesn't really matter at all!
Throw your stockings out of the window,
Coz Santa ain't comin' no mo'!"

"We talked to him this morning,
And he said he wasn't well,
Ole Rudolph has a cold,
His nose is running like hell.
He doesn't like the weather,
And he really hates the press,
He'd rather stay in bed,
Than be your little town's guest..."

Santa's Little helpers (Chorus):

"You may have been naughty,
You may have been nice,
Well it doesn't really matter at all!
Throw your stockings out of the window,
Coz Santa ain't comin' no mo'!
Oh no..."

"Don't want no hesitation,
Now children don't you fret.
There's no need to feel bad about a fat guy in red.
We want your full cooperation,
Everybody settle down,
It's time to talk business,
We're not here to fool around..."

Santa's Little helpers (Chorus):

"You may have been naughty,
You may have been nice,
Well it doesn't really matter at all!
Throw your stockings out of the window,
Coz Santa ain't comin' no mo'!
Throw your stockings out of the window,
Coz Santa ain't comin' no mo'!
Throw your stockings out of the window,
Coz Santa ain't comin' no mo'.......... "

All of the little buggers began to cry...

"*Sob!* All that years of hard *Sniff!* work for nothing!"

"At least the Ol' slave driver isn't going to make work overtime anymore..."

"But that means we're no longer needed! We're dead!

"........" Shinji was at a loss to say.

"The next Christmas eve is coming next week! What are we going to do?" One of them wailed.
"We can't even use the sleigh without that freak, Rudolf!"

"........Uh..." Shinji uttered, attempting to divert attention.

All five high-ranking elves glared at the source of their misery. The Third Child suddenly felt smaller than these midgets.

"Since I... um, brought this mess, could I help you with something?"

"Not unless you can locate all the kids' homes all over the world!" The taller Elf snapped at him sharply.

"Well actually, I could." The shrouded boy replied, extracting a random hourglass from the vast void of his cloak.

This surprised the little 900+ year old ji-joes. They huddled together for an impromptu conference.

"Er... Could you handle reindeers?" The chief asked with great hope in his bead-like eyes.

"I tried a fire-breathing skeletal-horse before, what could possibly be worse?" Shinji stated nervously.

Ah... but there always was something worse than the worst... and the young Ikari had been on that path a long time ago, and he's still stuck there.

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End of crappy songfic

Author's Jibah-Jaba:

I'm sorry if there are any grammatical or spelling errors (I'm always on a rush to finish things, you see?), I'm really a flunky when it comes to grammar. I'm not really a writer but I'm the kind of guy that likes to draw. Sometimes you can't draw something but you can do it in writing (only that it's really hard to picture stuff with words), that's why I started writing these pathetic excuses for fun.

Please send any comments or suggestions at raiden_x_@hotmail.com

I'm a good sport when it comes to bad reviews but sending them to me usually doesn't affect anything (like grammar errors as an example), it just most likely add up to the reviews counter.

You can also get weekly updates (I usually update it every Friday/Saturday...) of my plight on fanfiction writing at: http://raiden-x.tripod.com/raidenxsfanfics/ (construction in progress!)

See ya!