Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ She Only Smokes When She Drinks ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

She Only Smokes When She Drinks
The Dude Slayer








What time is it? 9, hmmm? Wednesday night...OH! Maya'll be here soon. I
take another quick glance at the clock carefully watching as the hour hand falls to
a rest on the nine. Without fail the door opens and there she is.

"Evenin' Maya." I wave to the NERV computer tech. She's been a constant
Wednesday-nighter for the past few months. Ever since the Angels started
appearing, come to think of it.
"Usual?"
Maya nods politely as she takes her usual seat at the bar. Third stool from
the right on the main bar. "Please, Ben. It's been a horrible day."
I nod as I pick up a couple of bottles from my speed rack. "So tell me about
it. You know I love listening to my regulars." One, two, three, four...I stop
pouring and place the bottles back down and grab three more. "Lemme guess, Ritsuko
got on your case again? Aoba playing air guitar during a synch test? Or did the
Commander call you in for a private meeting?"
Casually I place the bottles back down and begin stirring the different
alcohol together. Most people would assume I'd just made a Long Island Iced Tea,
but then most people'd be wrong. For Maya I serve up a tweaked version of my
specialty drink: "The Kiyone," I replace the green Midori with a brandy and I call
it the "Maya." For a little flare I add a cherry and lime wedge, it just makes it
look nice.
Maya sighs with a defeated tone as she sips her "Maya." "Major Katsuragi and
Mr. Kaji were on the bridge today, again. Mr. Kaji made a rather rude advance
towards me, right in front of the Major. I was so embarrassed." I could see a
gentle tinge of cherry appear in Maya's cheeks. She's so cute when she blushes.
"Ben, do you remember that guy I went out with a few weeks ago?"
Jing, how could I forget. A Chinese banker doing some high profile trading
with NERV. Kami-sama that guy was full of himself. "Sure do, why do you ask?"
Maya took a deep breath before harshly exhaling. "He was married."
Ohhhhhh. I can FEEL my blood boiling.


From deep in her purse Maya pulls out a pack of Misty Light 100s. Before the
young technician could light her smoke a young man in a light blue shirt walked up
with a lighter. As casual as he could the man lit the cigarette for her.

I pick up a couple shot glasses that I'd left soaking and begin washing the
glasses. I gently shake my head with a grin. I've lost count of how many times
I've seen this. If I listen carefully I can hear Maya's reply for company.
He's over there for a minute. Probably thick headed, or stubborn. I chuckle
as the yuppie walks back to his seat near where I'm standing. Oh well, might as
well try and lift this kid's spirits.

"So you lit her cigarette?" The kid nods slightly. "Bet you're feelin'
pretty good. You probably thought you've got a shot. With most girls you probably
would have." The yuppie looks up at me curiously. "Yeah this is that kind of
place, but she ain't that kind of girl. You're readin' her all wrong. Let me tell
you about Maya."

Casually I pour out a shot of extremely expensive scotch whisky. The yuppie
slams back the drink and quickly motions for another. I'm earning my tips tonight.
I fill up the glass again as I talk.

"Maya only smokes when she drinks, and she only drinks now and then. Now and
then when she's tired of bein' let down by men." I take out a small cheroot and
light it. I take a couple quick puffs before blowing smoke rings at the ceiling.
"You can give her a light, but it's not what you think. Everybody here knows
she only drinks alone. And she only smokes when she drinks." I give the kid a
sage-like nod.
I take another puff off my cheroot. "Did you ask her to dance?" The guy
nods. Man, he REALLY looks defeated. "Let me guess, she told you no." Another
nod. Damn Maya, you really tore this guy up.
"You want a tip? I'll even give it to ya for free." Wow, where're my
shades, this guy's givin' off SPF 60 rays.
"Calm down puppy. Ya need to take her some place quiet, and see how far that
goes." Yuppie's smile disappears REAL fast. I figured he was just lookin' for a
quick lay. I reach out and pat the guy's shoulder. "Oh, don't take it all that
hard when she smiles and turns you down. For a complicated girl, she ain't that
hard to figure out."

Happily I refill the yuppie's shot glass. He doesn't think twice before
pounding back the whisky. Nonchalantly I hand a cheroot to the kid; he takes it
allowing me to light the strong cigar for him. "Maya's a good friend of mine, and
I think it only fair to tell you." I take a deep drag off my cigar before blowing
the smoke into the air.
"Maya only smokes when she drinks, and she only drinks now and then. Now and
then when she's tired of bein' let down by men." Offhandedly I flick my lighter.
"You can give her a light, but it's not what you think." With a sweep of my arm I
let the yuppie know who I'm talking about. "Everybody knows Maya only drinks
alone, and she only smokes when she drinks."
I snuff out the dying cigar and pour the kid another shot. "I suggest
packing it up and trying another girl. Maya's just out of your league, kid." I
think I'll leave Yuppie to stew over his thoughts for a while.

I give Maya a casual glance as she snubs out her second cigarette. There's a
light just above her stool that gives her a rather angelic glow. In that light its
not hard to figure out why so many guys get burned. As the ancients used to say;
"Play with fire and you're going to get burned." Well Maya's definitely fire.








Sorry people. No cute author notes this time. I'm not in the mood right now
to be funny. Gomen-nasi. Real quick notes.
GAINAX owns everything Evangelion, Connie Harrington, Tony Martin, and Tim
Nichols wrote the song "She Only Smokes When She Drinks," performed by Joe Nichols.
I am NOT making a profit from this.
The lyrics for SOSWSD are pretty much ALL of Ben's dialogue. Ben is MY
character. This is based off the episode where Kaji is seen hitting on Maya and is
also a bit of a side story to MY "Barstool Sessions" fanfics. If you're wondering,
yes the "Kiyone" is a REAL drink of my own design. If you ask nicely I might just
give out the recipe.


I can be contacted at redrum124@bigfoot.com


This has been a No Tomorrow Archieve's production.