Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Walk the Thin Line ❯ The thin Line ( Chapter 3 )

I would like to thank Nick V. valitski@gmx.net, and Doug Dennis dennis_d@popmail.firn.edu for prereading this chapter for my and giving their input. Sorry about the wait everybody but here it is finally. Enjoy.

Walk the Thin Line. Chapter 3.

"I walk the Thin Line for you.
Do just what you say to,
with fear as my friend,
I walk the Thin Line one more time for you"

. Queensryche "The Thin Line"

Asuka still couldn't believe what was happing to her. At the beginning of the day, She had woken up with the image of Kaji brushing her off so he could go on his date with Misato. But now it seemed that her wildest dreams had come true. Here she was with Kaji and he was expressing his feelings for her in a way that she only thought would happen in her fantasies.

The events of the day had brought them to the point that she and Kaji were on the couch engaged in a intimate duel with there tongues that was making it harder and harder for her to concentrate on anything else. At first Kaji had seemed surprised when she had started returning the French kiss. But like he had been doing all day he had responded positively to her actions. Now they were probing the insides of each other's mouths will more and more urgency. It was an act of give and take. But the intimacy of the act was also starting to worry her a little. Here she was compromising herself in a way that she would never have thought that she would be capable of doing. But she was here doing it with the man that she loved and it was more pleasurable than she could have ever imagined. It seemed that her mouth had become a conduit of new and powerful sensations that were awaking a new feeling inside of her. It was similar it the warm feeling that she had felt when she had noticed Kaji staring at her, but this was more powerful. As she continued in her tongue duel with Kaji she could feel a new heat building up in her. This wasn't just a fuzzy feeling; this was a warm rush that was increasing in intensity. It was driving her to return Kaji's kiss with more intensity and try to get even closer to him. She wondered what was happing to her but the voice in the back of her mind had the answer.

"You're getting aroused. Don't you know the feeling from those "intense" dreams that you have started having lately"?

The voice continued "you need to stop this now before you do something that you'll regret".

But Asuka wouldn't let her self doubts get in her way. "Why should I?" "This is what I have always wanted, Kaji is finally treating me like the woman I am."

"Besides," She continued in her mind, "I'm enjoying this… a lot."

But her doubts wouldn't be silenced this time.

"Oh really, Then why are you are here arguing with yourself, and why are you worried that you will lose control?" "Lust can do that, you know."

Asuka wanted to counter that saying that what she was feeling with Kaji was more that just lust, but this is when Kaji took the first step over the line. Kaji had stayed still for most of the time that Asuka was on him, except when he put his arms around her. So she noticed immediately when he started moving his hands. Though her attention was somewhat diverted by the way that Kaji was kissing her. She could tell that he now had moved his arms from their warm embrace of her he was now resting both of his hands on the small of her back. His warm touch felt good even though it wasn't as close of contact as the embrace of earlier.

However, what he did next got her full and undivided attention. Kaji slowly moved his hands down until they were resting lightly on her rear. Asuka's heart started racing as she began to realize where this might be going. But she also found that she liked the way he was touching her. He was still being so soft and gentle. She was caught in the middle. Part of her uncomfortable with the fact that he was touching her where no one had done so before but the rest of her was caught up in the sensation of the contact. It caused the warm rush to intensify even more and she responded by kissing him even more hungrily. Then Kaji gently but firmly squeezed her sending a jolt of pleasure though Asuka that was startling in its intensity. She moaned into the kiss as Kaji continued to clutch her. But then as if her vocal admission of what she was feeling was a signal to him. He moved his hands and broke this kiss. Then he gently moved her from on top of him so he could sit up beside her.

Immediately Asuka's heart leapt as she wondered what she did wrong.

She started to ask "Kaji, what's wr…."

But he silenced her with another kiss. This one was soft and gentle, unlike the intensely passionate one that the just shared. Then he pulled back and said.

"Nothing's wrong. I just thought that before we continue we both might want to get a little more comfortable."

Asuka's questions on what he meant died on her lips when he started to unbutton his shirt. He meant that they should undress. Her inner voice spoke up again.

"Now this is going too far." "Do you really want to get NAKED in front of him"?

Asuka felt her face heat up as that prospect finally sunk in. She imagined that she must be blushing bright red because Kaji stopped unbuttoning his shirt and said. "Are you okay? We can stop if you want to."

But Asuka quickly replied, " I'm okay, I really want this." and tried to prove this by starting to unbutton Kaji's shirt herself. All the while, she tried her best to ignore her increasing unease and the voice inside her mind that was screaming

"Are you fucking crazy, do you realize what you just agreed to! Stop this now." but she shot back.

"Why should I, Misato wouldn't stop"?

But the voice countered. "Oh, so now you are going to let others dictate your actions. That is the act of a coward and you know it."

"No it isn't" Asuka responded "a coward would stop now, I'm a adult, there is nothing wrong with what we are doing. Now SHUT UP and let me enjoy this."

She finally silenced the voice as she finished unbuttoning Kaji's shirt, which he then slid out of. Auska knew what was next. She tried to keep her hand from shaking as she reached up to slip off one of the straps of her dress. But Kaji stopped her.

"Here, let me return the favor."

He then surprised her by sliding over so he was sitting right behind her on the couch, gently moving her flowing hair out of the way by letting it cascade over the front of her shoulders. She couldn't see him any more but she could feel the heat of his body. Asuka shivered as she felt his warm breath on the back of her neck. Then he caressed her cheek as he started to kiss the side of her neck. Asuka gasped yet again as he found a particularly sensitive area and started to stimulate it with his lips and the tip of his tongue. She was so caught up in the sensations that she didn't realize that Kaji was undressing her until she felt him slide the top of her dress down around her waist. She couldn't stop her self from shivering as she realized that she was exposed in front of him for the first time. At least her hair gave her some concealment.

"Yes you are exposed now, even more then you think" the voice of caution spoke up again.

She didn't have to ask what it meant as the voice continued, "look down."

She did and her heart leapt in surprise as she saw her bra lying across her thighs. It was difficult for her to get it off sometimes but she hadn't even FELT him remove it.

But her inner voice, to her increasing discomfort seemed to have all the answers today. "He really seems to know what he's doing doesn't he? Unlike somebody ELSE here I can name" for once she was as a loss of words as what was going on really started to dawn on her.

Kaji must have sensed her tense up because he whispered in her ear.

"Just relax. I said that I would make it up to you and I meant that."

He then wrapped his bare arms around her and gently pulled her against him. The feeling of his warm skin against her bare back and his arm across her stomach was intoxicating and she could feel herself melting into his embrace.

She murmured back "I trust you Kaji, I'm…. just a little overwhelmed that's all."

He chuckled softly at that and replied, "That's the idea."

Before she could ask what he meant by that he turned her face so he could kiss her. And what a kiss! It was so deep and he wasted no time in slipping his tongue back into her mouth. He was still being gentle but there was a new urgency in this kiss. That and his continued embrace were so stimulating that she felt herself beginning to get swept up in the experience as the warm rush intensified even more. She found herself returning the kiss with a need that she didn't think that she was capable of a few minutes ago.

The voice of restraint spoke up yet again, "This is WRONG and you know it. End this before it is to late."

Less certain than she was before, she asked back mentally,

"Why is it wrong? Kaji cares for me and is just showing it"

"Yes Kaji cares for you…so much that he is willing to FUCK a 14 old girl because he thinks it is what she wants more than anything in the world."

Asuka started to stammer in her mind "B-but that-t not wh…."

"BULLSHIT!! That is EXACTLY what is going to happen here…and from the way things are going pretty soon at that." "And don't sit here and tell yourself that this is what you want. If it is, then why are you sitting here and just letting it happen. That's not like you, is it?" "How about going down on him." " I'm sure he would just LOVE that, wouldn't he."

"But t-that wouldn't b-be…"

"What? Lady like? HAAAA! Nothing that has happened here recently has had anything to do with being a lady and you know it.

Then the voice added viciously, mocking her earlier thoughts

"Anyway, that's what MISATO would do isn't it? Without hesitation too. I bet that she would even SWALLOW for him. You think YOU could do that?"

Asuka tried to think of something to counter the voice of her doubts but it was on a roll and just kept on.

"But no, you're just going to sit here passively and let him do it because you want to prove your maturity. Think how much this could cost him. And just to satisfy you. Hope you're proud of yourself now".

As much as she tried to deny it, her inter "doubts" were starting to sound more and more like the voice of reason. But her pride just wouldn't let her back down. She had faced the horror of the angels. What would she be if she let a little self-doubt bring her down when they couldn't?

While she had long since lost the ability to silence them. Kaji's accomplished what she couldn't and drove the voices out of her mind when he brought his right hand up and started to caress her left breast. The feelings that shot though her blew away what she had felt before in their intensity. She tried to restrain herself but couldn't stop from moaning again into Kaji's mouth. This time though, he did not stop but increased the stimulation even more by gently pinching her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. The warm rush inside of her had now become a hot blast that was making it hard to think about anything else but how good his touch felt. Asuka, almost with out knowing what she was doing, wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and arched her back, pressing herself against his hand trying to increase the sensations even more.

But with the increasing pleasure there was also a fresh surge of fear. Asuka felt like she was starting to lose control of herself. Her body was not listening to her mind. Wasn't this suppose to be special, a uniting of mind and soul? But her body was reacting to the raw physical pleasure of what Kaji was doing to her. She could not quell the increasing unease that she was feeling. Was this just lust or something more? Not to mention the fact that where this was going was scary in itself.

Her doubts spoke up again this time with an almost motherly concern.

"Your not ready for what is going to happen. PLEASE stop before you go to far."

Asuka was past arguing with herself and just asked.

"But what would Kaji think if I stopped now?"

"He would understand and you know it. Deep down you know how he feels about you. The fact that this is happening at all proves that. You're just trying to prove how mature you are. Not your love for him. Nether of you need this."

But still she couldn't bring herself to stop. Quitting was just not in her nature. Not to mention how good this felt. But what would happen after this? This added even more to her unease. She just hoped that Kaji wouldn't pick up on her doubts. This was an adult choice and she felt that it was hers to make.

Kaji was glad that Auska couldn't see his face. He was almost to the point of desperation and he didn't know if he could hide it. As Asuka reached her arms up around his neck and pressed herself against his hands, the fact that things were quickly spiraling out of his control was increasing apparent. The sensible part of him was literally screaming, TOO FAR, WAY TO FAR. But it was obvious that he had stopped listening to that part of him quite some time ago. Now, as his American friends would put it, this was down to an old fashion game of chicken. But like that game, the stakes were so high it made him shudder. He could lose not only his self respect, but love of two of the most important people of his life. But yet again, he was desperate to end this and the dark side of his mind seemed to have the answer to that.

"You still have one card to play before the end of the hand, you might as well do it". "Or do you just want to go strait to the end right now. You KNOW that you want too."

But this was one line that Kaji would not cross. He had promised himself that he would not hurt Asuka in any way and to do that would hurt her, a lot. So he shot back to his dark passion

"I'll tell her what this is all about before I do that."

But his mind fired back.

"If you do, she will hate you forever and you know it"

"I don't care. If I did that, I would deserve for her to hate me. If she doesn't stop this soon, I will." " There are some lines that I will NOT cross." With that he finally silenced his dark impulses, at least for the moment. But he was still now quite to the limit and it was time to take the final step.

Asuka was desperately trying to get control of her self but her body seemed to have a mind of its own and was reacting to Kaji's touch. Arching her back to press her breast harder into his soft hand seemed to come almost instinctually. The slow burn had heated up into a roaring fire inside her and its intensity was starting to really frighten her. Her rational side was still trying to stop her but it was being drowned out more and more by the sensations rushing though her.

Then she felt Kaji's hand (the one that was not otherwise occupied) slowly moving down her bare stomach, and the fear really began to step itself up.

"Oh my God, he isn't… is he?"

But at the same time she could feel her body tense up in anticipation of what was to come. And when it did, it was even more of a shock that she could ever imagine. Because to her even greater chagrin, instead of feeling her though the fabric of her Panties, Kaji slipped his warm hand inside of them and touched her center directly.

It was almost as if her world exploded around her as Kaji's experienced touch caused any rational thought to leave her as lightning shot though every nerve in her body. She was dimly aware that her breathing was becoming so ragged that she had to break off the kiss they were engaged in to gasp desperately for the breath that had left her. But as good as this felt, the fear that the intensity of the sensations caused was even more real; As was the fact that she knew without a shadow of a doubt, that there was only ONE thing that could follow this. And this fact left a cold pit in her stomach that even the heat of her passion couldn't warm.

This is when the voice in her mind spoke with a desperateness that she never heard from it before.

"PLEASE, you have to stop this now. You know what is going to happen next and what that means…don't you?"

This is when the full implications of the act slammed into her. If she did not stop this now, there would be NO turning back; she would loose part of herself forever. She just…COULDN'T…

Kaji was almost to the point of stopping it himself when he felt Asuka start to tremble Violently in his arms and gasp the word that he had been praying to hear.

"S-stop"

He immediately withdrew his hand from its task and asked, gently, " what's wrong"

Asuka's reaction was to start shaking even more and suddenly pull away and turn to face him.

The look on her face was one of absolute panic, and it seemed to take every ounce of willpower for her to say the next few words.

"Kaji,…I-I …can't…"

With that the fear overwhelmed her and she started to struggle to get away from him. She looked so desperate that he wanted to hold her and comfort her but that would just scare Asuka even more. So he let her go as she fell to the floor and then bolted to her room, pulling her dress back up as she ran.

For a while after that all Kaji could do was sit dazed on the couch. He was appalled at how far things had spiraled out of his control and it was all he could do to keep from running himself. But after seeing the horror on Asuka's face as she ran to her bedroom, He knew he had to at least TRY to undo some of the damage. Seeing one of the most courageous and upbeat girls he knew looking so-so… LOST was almost more than he could take.

So after composing himself, he shakily got up from the couch and walked down the hall to Asuka's room. She hadn't even closed the door.

When he looked though her door, Kaji saw that she was sitting on her bed with her face buried in her hands. She was still breathing hard but he couldn't tell if that was because she was crying or if this was from the after effects of what had just happened. He knew he had to say something but what could he say to undo THIS. Finally out of desperation, he decided to just go with the plan that he had devised before all this. The plan that in his mind had already turned their relationship upside down in just the space of an hour or so.

As agitated as Kaji's state of mind was, if he could look into Asuka's mind what he saw would shock him even more. For as she sat on her bed contemplating what just happened, she felt…numb. She had just had the thing she wanted more than life itself set before her and she let her doubts cause her to throw it all away. Shouldn't she feel something more that this? Maybe her mind was shutting down instead of trying to deal with it. Deep down she knew that she probably had done the right thing but that did not make her feel any better.

This is when she heard Kaji's footsteps as he approached her room. She had hoped that he would just leave and spare her from having to deal with him and her failure, but Asuka knew that he couldn't leave things at that. That is when the footsteps stopped. Even thought she was still hiding her she could imagine that he was leaning against her door.

"Asuka, are you going to be okay?"

Inside she almost laughed, "oh sure, I'm just peachy keen, thank you very much" was the first response to come to mind but she found that she didn't have the fire left to utter the words. So instead she responded.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't…"

She trailed off at that unable to say any more.

"Its okay, I understand if you just want to be friends with me. You don't have to apologize because you are not ready for THAT yet. Don't worry about it."

Even though she knew that he was trying to comfort her, something about those words bothered her. They seemed so…CANNED.

That was when the implications of this stuck her so hard that it made her flinch.

When, Kaji saw Asuka flinch like she had just been slapped he knew he had messed up. His heart was pounding as she looked up at him with a look of shock on her face.

"You-you KNEW, this was going to happen, didn't you?"

At these words Kaji knew it was over, part of him screamed for him to deny it, or at least try to make something up. But he knew it was useless. Besides, he felt that he had done enough damage for one day.

At his lack of response, Asuka stood up and continued,

"And that was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

Kaji could think of nothing to do but, bow his head and mutter, "Yes" and then get ready for all Hell to break loose.

But what actually happened was even worse than he could imagine. He could handle an upset Asuka; he would take any insults or curses that she could hurl at him. He knew that he could even deal with a physically violent Asuka; he probably deserved a good thrashing anyway. But she did nether of these things. Instead, Asuka just sank back down to the bed and started trembling. It was as if the fire had been snuffed out of her. Then she put her face back in her hands and said,

"Please… just go."

The pain in those simple works was so deep, that he found tears welling up. He had done what none of the traumas in her life had succeeded in doing. He had crushed her spirit. The sensible part of him told him to leave before he did any more harm, but he just couldn't. He had to try to make her feel better.

Asuka really had expected him to leave like she told him to. After all he really didn't like her, it was all an act to call HER bluff. She found herself shutting down from the horror of it all. So she was surprised when he felt him sit down on the bed next to her.

"I can't leave you like this"

She replied, "Why not, you seemed to have no trouble doing that before."

His response was almost predicable.

"I care for you too much to do that"

Hearing the same words he had been saying all day thrown back at her caused some of her anger to return and she looked up at him to say "Sure you do" but what she saw brought her up short. Kaji, the most controlled and upbeat man she knew, was looking at her desperately for understanding. But what shocked her the most were the tears streaming down his cheeks. Maybe he really did care for her after all. But this fact begged the question that she now asked.

"Then how could you do this to me?"

Kaji looked back at her and said.

"I didn't know what else to do."

"What do you mean?" she asked back.

He looked like he was expecting this and responded.

"I just wanted us to go back to the way we were when you were younger. Don't you remember how much fun we used to have?"

He looked down and continued with tears yet unshed,

"But ever since you started wanting more from me, all that ended. Do you know how uncomfortable that made me? And not to mention how it made you feel. I did this because I couldn't handle the tension between us anymore."

Then he looked up at her and almost begged,

"You were like the Daughter that I never had, why can't we be like that again".

Asuka could remember those fun times too but did he STILL think of her as a child? So she said,

"But, I'm not a kid anymore."

"I know that…now." Then he nervously continued "What just happened…wasn't all an act…" he then brought his hand up and gently caressed her cheek. "I admit, that I still did until now, but today you acted like an adult… you showed restraint." Kaji looked even more nervous as he continued "More than I did". He bushed a little at that, but continued, "But that was me letting lust get in the way of how I really feel about you. Just because I don't love you the way I love Misato doesn't mean that I love you any less." By this time Asuka had tears streaming down her face too. As he continued looking at her with compassion, it was like a dam bust in her and she started sobbing. But then she felt Kaji encircle her in an embrace that seemed to warm her soul and said "you will always be my Asuka". And held her while she cried.

After a while when she had composed her self she looked up and said, "I finally understand, but did the lesson have to be so DIFFICULT" at that Kaji looked in her in her eye and said "but you are always the one to learn things the HARD way aren't you." then he got a twinkle in his eye and said "though this time we might have taken things a little to literally" at that Asuka's eyes got wide and she responded how he expected her to Calling him a pervert and smacking him upside the head with a pillow. But once she calmed down she looked up at him and said.

"So this means that I will be seeing more of you after this," and he replied.

"What do you mean after this, I'm free all day today. Is there anything in particular you want to do now?"

At this Asuka smiled a crooked smile and looked up with a lustful look in her eyes.

Kaji felt his mouth go dry as she put her hands on his chest and whispered seductively,

"As a matter of fact there is." Seeing the almost scared look on his face, she couldn't control herself anymore and burst out laughing. "I guess you DON'T see me as a kid any more do you?" to this Kaji said "HA HA, very funny." but then he looked back at her and said "So have you gotten any better at chess since the last time we played. You weren't much of a challenge then."

"Damm straight I have, enough to kick your sorry ass."

Kaji winced slightly at her language but shot back "Care to prove that?"

With that Asuka jumped out of bed to get the board she had in her closet and said "your on!"

THE END.

Author's notes: IT'S FINISHED!! This is the first REAL fanfic that I have completed and it is a good feeling to have accomplished it. Sorry this last chapter took so long but I really wanted to take my time with it since this fic has caused more of a stir than I thought it would. I guess the subject matter was more disturbing than I thought. Though one thing I noticed was that us guys are more bothered by it than the ladies are. My mom wasn't bothered by it at all. Now for future projects. The first thing on tap is to try to complete my other fanfic "Misty's Nightmare". It is a lot darker than this one and the last chapter will by hard to write. But since that I s a Pokemon fic, you Eva people probably aren't that interested in it. However, the next fic that I have planed will by more your style. It will be a Shinji/Misato fic, and it will be a full blown lemon. But before you freak. I should tell you that it is not going to be at all like you think it will by. Stay tuned.

BigRed