Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Where Darkness Falls ❯ The Lighthouse ( Chapter 7 )

Where Darkness Falls

Chapter 7 - The Lighthouse

Misato heaved a weary sigh as the lighthouse came into view, shaking off a tired yawn as she and Ritsuko jogged towards the tall structure. How long have I been here? she asked herself, slightly disturbed to realize that she was not entirely sure, It's been less than a day… hasn't it?? God, it feels like forever. This place just, just DRAINS you! Wouldn't surprise me if I got home and found out I'd been gone for ten years.

She cast a sideways glance at her old friend, thinking abstractly that the woman bore a passing resemblance to Fletcher's wife.

Just around the eyes, she thought idly, swinging her shotgun around as a sound echoed out of the fog, but it's there. Maybe she's a distant cousin or something, who knows? She refocused her attention on the road. You know, I guess I can't really blame Fletcher. If I had a kid, I'd probably go through Hell to get him back.

She shook her head, reminding herself that she was currently doing just that.

"You alright Misato?" asked Ritsuko.

"Yeah," Misato said gustily, "just thinking a little about our friend Fletcher. Man, I thought I had issues with Kaji - but that guy's marriage was like a minefield!"

"How do you know?"

Misato kept scanning the street for any potential danger as she outlined all that she had read in Fletcher's journal - excepting the part about Amber. I don't KNOW that was Amber, she thought as she wound down, and even if it was - that girl is leaving with us. Ritsuko doesn't need to know about her past right now.

"I've never cared much for psych drugs," Ritsuko said thoughtfully, "too many side effects. But still, it looks like his wife had some very serious psychiatric problem - or problems - so perhaps committing her is for the best. I don't think they were making a mistake."

Misato nodded, thinking back again to what was with wisdom of hindsight HER greatest mistake. Having Asuka live with her and Shinji was the one thing she had never really repented, even when she was beginning to realise it.

I should have had Asuka live alone, she lamented, or maybe move her in with someone else. The truth is that I never got my priorities straight. Even when I saw that I was making a mistake I didn't admit it!!! When I saw how Asuka was treating Shinji, I really should have had her move out, or at least told her "Look! I won't tolerate this behaviour! I can't let you stay here anymore!" Instead I took the worst option at every turn

A more disturbing thought followed this one, making Misato shiver: How much did I contribute to her breakdown? Hell, did I even NOTICE before she was over the brink and on her way down?

"Are you alright, Misato?" Ritsuko asked again, "Man, you're starting to freak me out here - you keep going all spacey!"

"Yeah I was just thinking about…Asuka," Misato sighed, running her hand over her face. "I just keep asking myself if it was a mistake to have her move in with me and Shinji."

Ritsuko bit her lip for a moment before murmuring, "Misato…don't take this the wrong way but, yeah, I think maybe it was a mistake. I mean, I don't think this is the time for lies, so," she cleared her throat, a clear note of regret in her tone as she concluded, "I think you did make a mistake and I highly doubt Asuka's treatment of Shinji was any good for him at all." She shrugged uncomfortably.

"Thanks," Misato said softly, "I… I think I needed to hear it from someone else. I've often imagined Shinji asking what he did to deserve the treatment he got, and I've often wondered that myself. Sometimes it seemed so bad that I was tempted to throw Asuka in the brig." She gave a weak chuckle. "Well, she never like, beat him or anything, but she was pretty rough on him verbally."

Ritsuko nodded. "I don't blame you for feeling that way," she said quietly, "and I had my own contributions to that situation as well."

"How so?" Misato asked uncertainly.

"There were three people in NERV who could have removed you as her guardian," Ritsuko said reluctantly, looking as if she felt that her earlier declaration of truth being the best policy was now not such a great idea, "Commander Ikari, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki… and myself. I'm not offering commentary on your ability as a guardian, but I had entertained thoughts of moving Asuka out of your care and putting her with someone else." She glanced off into the distance, "But I never did. There was always something more pressing, you know…?"

"Yeah…" Misato replied softly. She often wondered how Asuka could keep calling Shinji an idiot. Sure, he was a very inhibited person but that hardly made him stupid. His decision to engage the 4th Angel hand to hand may have been foolhardy, but (though Misato had never admitted it) it showed at least some degree of tactical awareness, and from the footage she had looked at after the battle the angel looked VERY vulnerable to a well-placed knife-strike.

And Shinji had discovered this in the heat of battle, proving that he at least had SOME wits about him.

"Well you did have good intentions," Ritsuko said, finally breaking the silence that had fallen.

"Yeah…" Misato sighed, "but what good are intentions if you end up creating a worse situation by following them? I could have refused and told them to have her live with someone else."

"Yeah which wouldn't have made much fuss," Ritsuko shrugged, "I for one was very sceptical that having them together would maintain any kind of teamwork developed during the battle with the seventh angel. In fact, I thi-"

"You know what?" Misato cut in, "I think that's just about all the honesty I can take right now."

Ritsuko's cheeks coloured. "Right… sorry…"

Silence fell once more as they completed their journey.

**

The duo stopped when they arrived at the lighthouse, finding it quite cramped as they made their way up the stairs. "Hey," Misato said suddenly, running her hand over one of the walls, "look at this."

Ritsuko frowned, pausing to scrutinize the odd characters etched painstakingly into the wall. "Not good," she muttered under her breath, "let's hurry, I don't like the look of those at ALL."

They hurried the rest of the way to rooftop, their breathing becoming increasingly raged as the symbols began glowing all around them, barely glowing at first but soon burning with a blinding incandescence, encouraging them to make their feet move even faster. Throwing open the door to the roof, Misato felt her breath leave her.

The top of the lighthouse was covered in a huge, burning pentagram, it's lines clearly visible in the darkening night. Hot, Misato thought faintly, LORD it's hot!!

"LOOK!!"

Ritsuko grabbed her upper arm, jabbing her finger at an indistinct, dark-haired form on the far side of the roof.

"Shinji?!"

The figure lifted its head, but the distance and light between them were too great for Misato to pick out any distinguishing characteristics. Then, without a sound, both the boy and the shape vanished, leaving only vauge after images burning in the women's retinas to indicate that it was not just a hallucination.

After a quick, confused search of the empty rooftop, Misato and Ritsuko found themselves back at the doorway to the stairs. "He couldn't be…" Misato trailed off, shaking her head.

No! she told herself firmly, He is NOT dead, that was NOT a ghost!! There is no way one of those THINGS got him - not Shinji! He's hiding somewhere, waiting for me, I know he is, damn it!!

"I think this left us with more questions than answers…" Ritsuko muttered darkly, wandering over to the edge and folding her arms. "I think our friend Alicia has some-"

Her sentence went unfinished as, on the street below, a late-model Lincoln Towncar came screaming out of the darkness, swerving drunkenly out of control before smashing into a streetlight. "What the!?" Ritsuko waved Misato over, hoping the other woman could see something in the darkness below, but neither could make anything out from where they were.

"We should check it out," Misato said quickly, hurrying towards the stairs and rushing down as fast as she could.

Ritsuko followed right behind, but as they reached the bottom, her shoe snagged on the last step, sending her face-first into the floor and narrowly missing Misato.

"Whoa," Misato panted, winded from her downstairs run, "watch that last step, it's a do-"

Ritsuko cried out as the floor under her abruptly fell away, revealing a small, unobtrusive trapdoor. The trapdoor snapped shut before Misato could even blink, leaving a heavy layer of oak between the two women.

"Son of a bitch!" Misato whispered, dropping to one knee and grasping the trapdoor's heavy iron ring, but no matter how she pulled, tugged, and anchored her feet, she could not make the door budge. "Ritsuko! Ritsuko!" she yelled, banging on the door with the flat of her hand. "Ritsuko, can you hear me!?"

"Yes," came the muffled reply, "I can't get it open from this side! Can you?"

"No! It won't budge!"

"Damn it!" Ritsuko's voice was decidedly distressed, "Well, try again! I… I don't like the dark!"

Misato nodded absently, pondering her options. I can't just leave her here, she thought grimly, But this thing won't move an inch!!

With a sigh, she realized that did not have much choice in the matter. "Hold on!" she called, trying to sound encouraging, "I'll try to get something to pry it open! Just hang in there, okay?"

"A-Alright!" Ritsuko called reluctantly, "Try not to be too long, ok?"

Misato rushed outside, hesitated, then hurried towards the car, now clearly visible in the gloom. Tire-iron, she thought reasonable, keeping her shotgun at the ready as she approached the car, that should do it.

The passenger door was open, Misato noted, but since the car was on asphalt, she could not see any footprints leading away from the car. The driver, a mid-sized Asian man, was clearly dead, his head smashed against the steering wheel, with blood and grey brain-matter gracing the shoulders of his black pantsuit.

Swallowing with distaste, Misato reached into the man's jacket pocket and pulled out a simple ID card, a chill washing over her as she read, "Satoru Nakamura, Agent classification/clearance 6/Epsilon - Section Two, NERV."

Misato frowned, tossing the card on the man's lap. This had to have been Commander Ikari's car! she thought grimly. This must have been one of his bodyguards. Cautiously, she took a look in the backseat, gasping as she found a small set of restraints. I knew it, she thought with some frustration, he had the `alternate' right here - I missed him by minutes, maybe seconds! DAMN!!

Abruptly, she shook her head. "This isn't getting Ritsuko out of the basement," she muttered, scanning the nearby houses, "there - that one's open. Let's see what we can find."

**

Ritsuko paced around the cellar of the lighthouse like a caged tiger, muttering to herself and repeatedly checking her shotgun. "Place is the size of a one-bedroom," she whispered to herself, "but you can't be too care-"

"Hello Ritsuko…"

Shivers fell down Ritsuko's spine as she panned her flashlight in the direction of the all-too-familiar voice, the colour draining from her face as she spotted, "K-Kaji…!"

"Been a while Ritsuko…" the man said amicably as he approached, covering the space between them at a languid, unhurried pace. He was clad in only a white hospital gown - but the front of the gown was so stained and spattered with blood that red appeared its natural colour.

His eyes, Ritsuko noticed, had gone dead white… the shade of a corpse.

"You're…you're dead!" she gasped, taking a fumbling step backwards as Kaji continued towards her.

"You were supposed to meet me…" Kaji said, a vacant smile lighting his features as he took another step. "I waited there for you forever, Rits…"

"I…I was delayed," Ritsuko babbled, taking another step back and finding her back against the lighthouse's stone wall, "P1ease - it wasn't my fault! When I got there, you were gone!"

"You have any idea what they did to me?" Kaji asked, tilting his head to the side as his smile fell away. "Do you?"

Ritsuko could only nod, too dazed to speak.

"They fucking strapped to that bed," Kaji whispered, his voice taking on a sharp edge as his face contorted into a mask of fury, "Strapped me to that bed, injected me with that shit, and gave me orders like I was a fucking DOG!! You can't IMAGINE what it was like! I was nothing - LESS than nothing, do you understand?!?"

"I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry!?" Kaji roared, "They made me LICK their fucking HANDS and you're SORRY?? You were supposed to help me, you bitch!! You said you would be there, and we'd find the truth together, you, me, and Misato, just like the old days!! And you let me down!" Abruptly he was standing next to her, his voice dropping so low that Ritsuko could hardly hear it over her jack-hammering heart. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, should I? You let everyone down, sooner or later. Don't you, Rits?"

"N-no!!"

Ritsuko clenched her eyes closed, wishing that her body would obey her repeated order to move - to just get away from this man's horrible wrath. I do! she thought miserably, I let everyone down! God, Shinji, Misato, even Gendou - I let them all down! I should have been with Shinji to protect him! I should have told Misato the truth! I should have been a better lover - oh God, I'm worthless! I deserve to die!!

After several minutes of cruel quiet, Ritsuko opened her eyes. "K-Kaji?"

The cellar was empty. Not so much as a single spot of blood indicated that there had ever been anyone there besides her.

Wiping bitterly at her eyes, Ritsuko glared at where the vision of Kaji had been. How many people had cared about her, and how often did she dismiss them? She knew that Shinji cared about her - even after she was willing to have killed him in the fight with the 12th Angel - though why he had chosen to forgive her, she would never know. Standing in the dark, she wondered how many others actually cared if she lived or died. Maya definitely cared about her - even going so far as to help her escape her cell, but Ritsuko had not had a chance to thank her, as the woman had vanished practically the same day. Kaji had cared - even in the face of that phantasm she realised that - and Misato, despite their differences, was still a friend.

Yet at every turn she had chosen Gendou. All this time she blamed Rei for her mother's death - and her estrangement from Gendou - but after she and Shinji had escaped Japan, Ritsuko wondered if she had, in fact, been wrong to blame Rei for her mother's death after all. Hadn't she chosen her own path? How long could she blame others for everything wrong with her own life?

"Can people change, mother?" Ritsuko asked the empty room, taking a shuddering breath as she sank to the cold ground. "I'm doing my best, aren't I? If I can save him - if I can make up for all the wrong I've done HIM - then…"

Then what? her mind taunted her, Join mother? I think... I think, depending on whether Shinji forgives me for leaving him alone in his Hell... that I might just do that.

Ritsuko blinked, drawn from her dark ruminations by the sudden observation that there was light streaming down from the now-open trapdoor.

"Misato?" she called cautiously.

When there was no reply, Ritsuko got carefully to her feet, clambering quickly out of the cellar and out of the lighthouse before whatever providence had freed her decided that it might change its mind.

She can't be that far away, she thought hopefully, God, I hope she's not - I can't stand being alone anymore…

With this final thought in mind, Ritsuko set off to find her wayward companion.

**

A cursory search of the small house yielded a crowbar, a hunting rifle, and several boxes of ammunition, several of which Misato distributed around her person. Not TOO much, she told herself firmly, yeah, it would be NICE to have a hundred rifle shells, but with all the other shit I'm carrying, how would I walk?

She hefted the weapon, satisfied with its weight, and hurried out the front door, the crowbar clutched firmly in her other hand. "I'll have you out of there in a few seconds with this," she muttered under her breath, "and then? Well, I don't know - this was our best shot, so next we'll just start in one corner of the town and go from place to place, shouting our heads off and killing anything that gets in our way. Hey, a plan is-" she cut herself off, taking a deep breath. "I'm talking to myself again…"

Aside of her newly developed habit of self-communication, Misato had a nasty surprise waiting for her upon her return to the lighthouse.

Gone?? she thought, entirely confused, where the hell could she have gone? Did someone else open the door for her?

Misato crouched by the open trapdoor, shining her flashlight down into the darkness. "Well, it must have been a friend," she whispered, "no blood. Maybe Amber? Or Alicia? No, I doubt she'd actually DO something to help. Sure, she'll give us information from time to time, but-"

Silence fell quickly as Misato bit her tongue. Stop TALKING to yourself!!

Giving the lighthouse a quick, cursory search, Misato found no sign of the other woman. On her way out, however, she found a small, red envelope with the letters K.M. written on the front. She tore it open, shaking out not a note, but a 3"X5" glossy depicting a small, dark-haired figure standing in front of a fairly large house.

What, no directions? she thought sarcastically, turning the photo over and finding the back blank, How am I supposed to know where this is??

"What a second…"

Misato frowned, holding the picture closer to the light and squinting as she spotted a small, half-hidden sign in the upper right corner. Lakeside Amu

Bringing her map out, she nodded. "Ok," she murmured, quickly finding Lakeside Amusement Park on the map and laying her finger on it, "so if I can find this sign, I should be able to find the house by just looking at it from the same angle and backing up." She grinned, slipping the map back into her pocket. "Of course, the odds that I'm going to leave my back exposed in a place like th-"

She clapped her hands over her ears, wincing as that voiceless scream ripped through her mind, leaving her breathless. The stench of death and decay filled her nostrils, as she cautiously opened her eyes, bracing the hunting rifle in the crook of her arm and looking around with quick, jerky movements.

"Not good," she whispered, feeling sweat break out on her forehead, "not good!!"

The land all around the lighthouse was gone, leaving the building tethered in the middle of open, black space by four corded ropes of chain, each as thick as a compact car. That feeling of isolation - of all-encompassing ALONENESS - hammered into Misato's gut once more, wringing a miserable moan from her and leaving her weak in the knees.

"Hate this place," she whispered unconsciously, her voice choked and desperate, "I hate it, I hate it, I hate-"

She cut herself off, doing an abrupt about-face and dashing back through the lighthouse door. It was easier, here - it was much easier to bear the emptiness if it was held at bay by the solid, dank stone walls.

Up, Misato thought tiredly, nowhere to go but up - literally.

She made her way slowly up the stairs, feeling more sweat break out on her face and hands as a harsh caw echoed from somewhere above her. "And of course there's something horrible waiting for me," she mused, keeping a steady pace towards the top, "why wouldn't there be?" She paused at the top stair, staring with dull eyes down at the hunting rifle. "Well, I guess I might as well see what it is. Can't be that bad, right?"

Wrong.

Misato had to bite back a cry of horror as she threw the door to the roof open and stepped out. It was not that the creature waiting for her, a gruesome fusion of bird, bat, and lizard - with long, featherless, dragon-esque wings and flesh the colour of rust - was so terrible to the eye that it instilled instant fear, no, Misato's instinctual desire to scream was prompted by the thing's half-human, half-avian face.

And it's too-familiar eyes.

"Sa…"

Misato felt ice fill her stomach as the thing opened its beak, flapping its wings lazily as it tossed its head from side to side.

"Sa, sa,"

For one terrifying second, Misato seriously considered turning the rifle on herself, biting down on the barrel, and pulling the trigger as many times as she could to ensure that she was good and dead.

"No," she tried to sound firm, shaking her head vigorously as the creature bobbed up and down like a huge, deformed parakeet, "No, I DON'T KNOW YOU!!"

"Sa!" the creature cried, spreading its wings to their full extension, preparing to take flight, "Sa… to…"

Misato screamed, whipping the rifle up as something deep in her mind finally gave way. Her vision was instantly filled with red-tinged fog, the mingled rage and terror storming through her psyche overwhelming her self-control as her finger somehow found the trigger.

"Daddy," a small, childish voice echoed in her ears, the blast of the rifle sounding weak and far off, "I, umm… I talked to mom. She… she said I could go with you - on your trip, I mean, not to live. Do you… still want me too…?"

No, Misato's mind protested, I don't want to remember that!!

But the memory swept on, unabated. "Mmmm, sure you can," her father's voice returned, half sad, half hopeful, "do you… still want to go?

DON'T MAKE ME REMEMBER!!!

"Uh-huh. I - mommy said we should try and be friends - even if you guys can't."

No!!

"Heh, she always was smarter."

Please!

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"N-nothing…"

"God, make it STOP!!"

The world slammed back into focus as Misato's senses returned.

"G-god…"

The barrel of the rifle jumped and shook, lurching all over the place as she tried to steady it, but she need not have bothered - the creature lying sprawled on the rooftop offered no threat, its beak opening and closing senselessly as it feebly tried to flap its broken right wing. Of the left wing, Misato could see no sign - at that remained was a bloody stump, oozing listlessly over the thing's misshapen shoulder.

"Sa…" the thing squawked, trying to rise to its stubby feet, "Sa… to… SATO!!"

Misato drew the bolt on the rifle back, chambering another shell. She tried to say something - anything to deny the recognition that filled her as she looked at the thing's eyes - but her voice would not comply. How many times did I shoot him? she thought, pretending that she could not feel the dampness on her cheeks, IT, damn it - not he, IT!!

"SATO!!"

Misato took aim as the thing managed to find its footing, taking a lumbering step towards her, its sad, human eyes rolling with pain and madness.

"SAAATOO!!!"

With a firm image of her father in her mind, Misato whispered, "Forgive me," and pulled the trigger.

TBC