Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Where Darkness Falls ❯ Nowhere to go but Down ( Chapter 11 )

Where Darkness Falls

Chapter 10 - Nowhere to go but Down

Misato looked around the hallway of the house, frowning as she took in the rundown appearance of the place. It was not rotten and rundown as things in the 'other' world were, but it still appeared as though it had not been inhabited for decades. Why would Shinji be here? she wondered, shining the flashlight around in an instinctual sweep for anything dangerous. All this time, she thought with sudden clarity, all this time, I loved him… and I never admitted it - not even to myself…

She sighed deeply, realizing that if she had admitted it, she might very well have been dismissed as Shinji's guardian. Of course, standing in the dark, wondering if he was hurt or scared or lonely, that seemed like a pretty thin excuse. They were just kids, she told herself angrily, and I never really let them grow up, I kept giving orders that kept them 'safe.' But how safe can you be when you're in an EVA?? God, how did I EVER justify that?!

Misato wondered suddenly how much of what she had done in the name of tactics had actually dulled their edge. The 9th should have been a lesson, but it was a lesson that she never quite learned.

Everything always had to be my way… she thought shamefully, I was pissed off that Shinji had completely shown me up on a couple of occasions - like when he took out the 4th Angel and rescued Asuka after the 9th Angel was beaten. Even between missions I couldn't stand to be proven wrong - especially by Shinji or Asuka. Misato sighed. It was a trait that Ritsuko frequently reproached her for, and it kept her thinking of Shinji, Rei and Asuka as just kids when they were so much more. They were the ones who put their necks out so they could beat the angels. They were the ones that routinely put EVERYTHING on hold to fight enemies they knew nothing about.

They were the instruments of her revenge, and ultimately, she had done everything in her power to ensure that they never grew into more than that. Finding that she was suddenly in no real hurry to move forward, Misato stood still, contemplating the interactions with the people in her life.

Shinji was certainly not the total coward that Asuka and probably his father constantly dismissed him as. If he were a total coward, why would he have piloted the EVA at all…a coward would have refused, even though a severely injured Rei would have piloted, and if he were a coward why would he have come back after the 4th Angel? Misato had always wanted to reach who he was underneath, but she realized now that she had never made any real effort to. Shinji had finally been making some progress while they lived together but all that was flushed down the toilet by her greatest mistake. After all this time she was forced to face the truth about many of her actions, and she finally understood the nature of both Kaworu's request… and his sacrifice.

Misato looked back on her words to Shinji, and images of a broken child filled her mind. What if there was some crisis that we needed his EVA for? He was so messed up, he never would have been able to make Unit 01 walk, let alone fight!!

Then there was Rei. A young girl seemingly beyond the reach of worldly troubles, whose only reason to exist is to pilot and be obedient. But Misato had seen that emotionless exterior cracked a few times. She had seen the shy young lady underneath trying to break out of a shell made dense by fourteen years of cold reality and loveless existence. So what if she was part angel like Ritsuko said? She was still a person, a person that Misato couldn't be bothered to get to know.

And Asuka… Misato's greatest failure as a guardian. Maybe she should not have taken Asuka in in the first place, she thought. The redhead had certainly became resentful of her for quite a lot of reasons, the first being that she forced Asuka live with her and Shinji when she obviously would have preferred to have lived alone. I didn't care about that, Misato thought bitterly, all I cared about was keeping track of all the tools I could use to get revenge on the angels. Damn, my ego was MORE than a match for hers… I just wasn't as honest about what drove me as she was. Secondly, as Alicia had pointed out, was telling Shinji he was the best, right in front of Asuka's face. I pretended that I was so proud of him, KNOWING it would piss her off. God, if I actually HAD been proud of him - and showed it all the time - maybe things would have been different… Third was that Misato had come to realize, I didn't try to HELP Asuka…I was trying to make her more like me. Anyone would resent that! God, and I wondered why our relationship deteriorated.

Everything Misato had done made things worse between them, and when she knew Asuka was starting to crack, she did nothing but fall back on her rank and give orders that made the situation even worse. How much did I contribute to her breakdown? she thought miserably. Was I one of the main causes of it? God, I probably was.

Misato shook herself and started off down the hall. As she tried door after locked door, she thought again about Alicia. The woman definitely knew what was going on here, and now that Misato though about it, she realized that the monsters that were ever-present in the small town NEVER seemed to be around when Alicia was. And then she just vanishes? she thought, pushing on the second to the last door in the hall and nearly jumping as it creaked slowly open, revealing a small, well kept (if dusty) sitting room.

"What's this?" she murmured, finding the far wall of the room occupied by a tall bookshelf, upon which sat a single, framed photograph.

Misato picked it up, examining it closely with a soft frown on her face. The photo looked rather old, but she could not be one-hundred percent sure of the age, as it was black and white, but she could see the couple in it clearly… and it nearly made her gasp. One of them was a young Japanese man, dressed in a pair of dark slacks and a plain button-up shirt. And the woman looked like…Alicia??

Misato shook her head in disbelief, her eyes running around the rim of the frame until they fell on a small, somewhat faded date

"September 13, 1940."

All at once, a wave of heat washed over her, and her head began to spin…

**

Misato blinked as she found herself in the middle of the woods. She could see the house from where she was standing, only it looked well-maintained, and vibrant - as if it was less than a year old. As she watched, unsure of what to do, the young man from the photo stepped out of the front door, stretching his hands high up over his head and yawning expansively. A moment later, a young woman with long, dark hair and a deep blue evening dress ran out of the forest and, without preamble, threw her arms around him.

"Alicia!" the young man laughed, holding the woman tightly against him and kissing her affectionately on the top of the head.

"Hello, Shinji!" the girl piped happily.

Shinji?? Misato thought with astonishment, wondering where she was. She was taken aback by the fact that not only did that young man resemble Shinji but seemed to bear the same name. Could it be a coincidence? Misato wondered. They don't seem to see me… is this a… memory somehow??

"Sorry I'm late Shinji," Alicia puffed, clearly winded, "I had to wait until my father fell asleep - you know he… he doesn't like… you and me seeing ea-"

"I know," Shinji cut in gently. "It's been almost 3 years since my parents died and left me this place… there are rumours of war… I can't blame him for being nervous. I'd be nervous too if my daughter was seeing some Japanese loony in the woods, especially one ten years her elder."

Alicia shook her head. "There've been rumours of war for years," she said softly, "ever since the embargo against Japan - and you are NOT a loony… you're… my Shinji…" she ran her fingers through his hair, sighing softly as she averted her eyes. "Where you're from doesn't matter to me, neither does the fact that I'm 10 years younger - not one bit!! …you're still the man I love."

They kissed, losing themselves in the moment as thoughts of prejudice and hatred faded away.

…for them.

"Alicia!!"

Alicia's eyes flew open, and she looked back over her shoulder. "D-Daddy!" she gasped.

Instinctively, Misato tried to reach for her gun as a small group of rough-looking men stepped into the clearing, led by a man with a striking resemblance to Alicia. I can't move! she thought suddenly, stunned as her hand hung loosely by her side, I… I can't do anything but breathe and turn my head - I can't stop this!!

It did not take a genius to see what was going to happen… the hungry eyes of the men behind Alicia's father nearly shouted their murderous intent.

"Get away from him, Alicia," her father warned, never taking his eyes off the young man's face, "you just go on back home now."

Shinji cleared his throat, stepping between Alicia and her father. "Can I help you gentlemen with something?" he said politely.

"Shut up, Jap!" one of the men shouted, "We've had enough of your sneaking around!"

Misato blinked as she recognized the man's blond hair and fierce blue eyes. That's Fletcher! she thought incredulously. No, wait… Fletcher's father maybe? Or grandfather? He's just… a LITTLE different, but that's a Fletcher…

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," Shinji said, gesturing for Alicia to get behind him. "Now if you'll excus-"

"We aren't stupid," the man with Fletcher's face cut in angrily, "we've all heard the news. War's coming! …and it's all the Germans and Japanese stirring it up!"

Alicia's father nodded. "Well we aren't going to stand around and let you get us into it, Jap-boy."

It was at this point that the man named Shinji made the worst possible mistake he could. Misato thought, maybe, that the situation was still tenable… but then Shinji laughed. "I'm not trying to get anyone into anything," he chuckled ruefully, "I just want to be left alo-"

"Think that's funny do you?" Fletcher cut in dangerously. "We're all just stupid pale-faces to you, is that it? HUH?!"

"No, no!" Shinji said, raising his hands. "That's not what I meant at all, I just think it's absur-"

"Shut up!"

Misato gasped as Alicia's father took two great strides and swung his arm in a wicked hook, catching Shinji completely off-guard and sending him sprawling to the ground in an undignified heap.

"Daddy, no!!"

Alicia leaned down to help her lover to his feet, but her father struck her across the face with the back of his hand. "You get home now, Alicia," he grated, gesturing the other men forward, "This is men's work now."

"NO!" Alicia cried, struggling to her feet as the men surged forward, "God, Daddy - NO!!"

Misato tried to look away as the young woman was backhanded again, knocking her back down. Oh God, don't let this happen, she thought sickly, swallowing as the men hauled Shinji to his feet and dragged him into the forest, leaving Alicia reaching futilely out for him on the soft grass in front of his house.

"D-daddy," the young woman sobbed, grasping her father's pants leg as he stepped over her, "d-don't… please…?"

The man's face never softened as he yanked his leg free. "You go home now," he repeated flatly, his eyes alive with hate, "you just go home… this won't take long."

"NO!!"

Alicia curled into a ball and sobbed as her father moved off into the woods, a long, sturdy length of rope swinging from his belt in time with his great strides as he set out to bring his harsh form of justice to the kind, gentle man Alicia loved so much.

**

Misato gasped, falling to her knees as she found herself back in the sitting room with cold trickles of sweat pouring down her face. The picture slipped from her numb fingers, dropping to the floor with a muffled crash as the first of the hot tears slid down her cheeks. Thank you, God, she thought miserably, for not making me watch the rest…

She scrubbed at her eyes, trying to forget the look of terror on the young woman's face… and the horribly familiar look of resignation in that other Shinji's eyes. "He wasn't surprised at all," she mumbled, staring down at the happily smiling couple, "he knew just what was going to happen… and he didn't even fight."

The idea of simply giving in to death made Misato sick to her stomach, so she tried to focus her attention on something else, studying the features of the woman in the photo with great interest. The woman in the vision she'd had looked like Alicia, both in voice and appearance, but how was that possible? Just who is she? Misato wondered, reaching down and almost touching the jagged glass in the picture frame.

The woman DID look like Alicia but the way she looked at him, and the young man bore a striking resemblance to Shinji - even down to the name… but none of that changed the fact that the photo read 1940.

But that was 75 years ago… Misato thought, shaking her head, that woman couldn't have been Alicia - she'd be nearly a hundred years old! It has to be a coincidence!

Misato sighed and rose to her feet, leaving the sitting room without looking back and making her way to the last door in the hallway. "I still have to find MY Shinji," she told herself, pushing the door open to reveal a long, narrow staircase, "nothing else matters."

She made her way slowly went downstairs, finding herself in an expansive cellar. A quick look around showed nothing but a large metal door with five small slits in the centre, and a series of lines etched deeply into the wall. Nothing more.

"Nowhere else to go," she muttered, leaning against the door and trying to force it open, "Locked… figures…"

She stroked her chin with one hand, looking from the door to the series of lines. Of course!

With a short laugh of delight, Misato leaned forward and squinted, biting her lip as she read the narrow, barely legible script carved into the wall.

"The past -- irrecoverable

The futu-- is unknowable

The pr--ent is irrefutable

Bet--en the three

T-- Door of Heaven lies

Bounded by the -----s five

Pray ye to Sam---l

And H- shall guid- your f-te"

Misato felt a shiver work through her as her eyes ran over the patchwork poem. "The Door of Heaven," she muttered uncomfortably, "why does that sound so much like Heaven's Door to me…?"

The last time a door of Heaven had been opened, the final angel had made his move, so the idea of opening this one did not sit well with Misato.

The past is irrecoverable, huh? she thought, studying the door closely, Well I don't know about that, and I'm sure not going to pray to some musty god to guide my fate, but… pray! No, it CAN'T be that easy!!

She reached into her pocket and pulled out one of the silver crosses. "No way," she whispered, "no… way is it going to be that simple!!"

Slowly, she raised the cross, comparing it to one of the slits in the door. It looked like it might fit… but what were the chances that shoving five crosses into five holes would open a door? Especially when she JUST happened to have EXACTLY five?? There was no way!

With a slightly shaking hand, Misato reached out and fitted the end of the cross into the top right slit. "Here goes nothing…"

Before she could tell herself she was being stupid, she pushed the cross forward.

There was a soft click.

"No fucking WAY!!"

Her heartbeat picked up as she pulled out another cross. It clicked in without so much as a hint of resistance. In shocked disbelief, Misato pushed a third, then a fourth cross into place, each time expecting to find some resistance, and each time letting out a soft gasp of shock as there was none. As she pulled out the fifth cross, however, she hesitated.

You've gotta be kidding me…

Swallowing hard, Misato reached out and slowly ran her forefinger from one slit to the next, connecting them all one by one until a distinct, unmistakable pattern formed between the points.

It was a pentagram… and it was upside down.

Not giving up NOW are you? her mind chided as she stared at the final cross, Shinji's waiting for you on the other side.

A wry smile lit Misato's face.

"Yeah," she whispered, bringing the cross up to the last slit, "he's waiting on the other side alright… I just hope it's not THAT other side."

Wasting no more time, Misato rammed the last cross into place and stepped back, expecting some spectacular, grandiose opening for such a huge door.

She was not disappointed.

"Wow…"

Misato gasped as the crossed rotated silently in their slits, seemingly turning the metal to liquid as they rearranged themselves. A moment later, a brightly glowing pentagram appeared, roughly paralleling the one Misato had drawn with her finger as the crosses moved once more, sliding out of the slits until she was sure they must fall, then lying flat against the metal and spinning slowly around to stand with their points facing upward. And then… the door was gone, and only a gaping maw of a grime-crusted staircase could be seen, with no hint that there had ever been anything to bar it.

The stench that haunted Misato at various places in this town reached her, simultaneously beckoning her forward and repulsing her to the point that she felt her gorge rising. And where does this go? she thought nervously, Hell??

"Well, there's only one way to find out…" she muttered, taking a step forward… but coming up short as she noticed something.

The lines had changed.

"The past is safe

The future is dead

The present is hopeless

Abandon hope, all ye who enter

Fuck off

Don't take another step

This means you

Katsuragi!"

Misato wiped sweat off her upper lip, pulling her eyes away from the lines with much difficulty. "R-right," she stammered, too stunned by the lines to wonder why (or care how, at this point) they had changed, "well fuck you too - I'm finding Shinji!"

She took a step, half expecting some demon to come bounding out of the doorway and tear her in half, gibbering that she should have done as she was told. When she was still in one piece a moment later, she let out a deep breath and marched through the door, clenching her right hand into a determined fist. She made her way down the winding stairway for what seemed like hours, encountering nothing but grime and filth and that horrid stench of decay. Twice, she thought she saw something move, but when she shone her flashlight in the direction of the perceived threat, there was nothing.

Are you near, Shinji? she thought tiredly, I swear, if this was all for nothing… I'll just pop that shotgun in my mouth and-

The thought cut itself off as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Dead end??" Misato cried, shining the flashlight all around the narrow enclosure at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh, you've got to be KIDDING!!" She came up short as she noticed a small, red envelope sitting in the furthest corner of the dead end, and she walked right up to it, snatching it up eagerly as she muttered, "This better be good!"

Misato frowned as she opened the envelope and shook out two mini-DVDs… and nothing more.

"What the hell…?"

As she raised the envelope to eye-level, a brilliant blue light flashed behind her eyes

**

Misato shook her head as she found herself in her apartment, sitting comfortably at the table with a mug of coffee in her hands.

Asuka sat across the table from her, staring down at an empty can of soda with a sullen look on her face.

It was day time.

There was no fog.

They were home.

What kind of fucked up dream was that?? Glancing around for Shinji. Her stomach felt as if it was sinking. Or is THIS the dream?

"Asuka?" she said cautiously, setting her mug down and walking up to the girl.

"Go away…" Asuka said coldly. "Just leave me the hell alone for once…"

Misato felt her heart clench. "Please let me help you," she said, deciding that dream or not, she had to try to find a way to help the redhead.

Asuka laughed, but it was not humorous. It was a cold, harsh sound that dripped with pity and contempt. "Help me?" she laughed, "Help ME?!?" Asuka continued to laugh, tears streaming down her face as she clutched her sides. "I hate to disappoint you, but you've NEVER tried to help me…the truth is that all you've been doing is trying to CHANGE me!!"

"That's not true-" Misato began.

"Yes! It is!" Asuka snapped back, her laughter vanishing in an instant. "You can't FORCE someone to care, and I wasn't about to try to GET you to!" Misato flushed as Asuka continued. "You were always my orders this and our orders that! You could never handle it when something or someone doesn't fit into your silly little ideals and you could never stand to be proven wrong! You don't give a fuck about what people want!"

Misato swallowed, trying to defend herself. "But I-"

"All you ever did was hurt me," Asuka whispered, rising to her feet and advancing on the woman.

"Shut up," Misato gasped, taking an involuntary step backward, "I didn't mean to hur-"

"I was a tool to you," Asuka cut in, advancing on Misato even as the woman shrank back and retreated around the table, "You insulted my intelligence and you USED me to get your silly little revenge, and then you hid behind me because YOU were afraid of SHINJI - afraid of how you felt about him!"

"Shut up!!"

Asuka continued advancing, forcing Misato into the corner as she berated her. "You wanted him so bad you could taste it!" she shrieked. "Lover, son, friend, it didn't matter as long as you had him in your life - he was food to you! If he held you, if he was nice to you, if he FUCKED you, it was all the same as long as you had someone to come home to. You're so fucking pathetic! So goddamned scared of being alone that you would do anything, SAY anything to make sure YOU were the only one he ran to when he was scared or hurt! THAT'S why you tried to destroy Kaworu in his eyes - because he needed Kaworu more than he needed y-"

"SHUT UP!!!"

Asuka's head snapped back as Misato lashed out, wrapping her hands around Asuka's throat and lifting her off the floor. "ShutupshutupshutupshutupSHUUUTTUUUUP!!!"

Tears streamed down Misato face as she squeezed harder and harder. "What would you know about it you little slut!?" she screamed. "I've been alone for fifteen fucking years! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT I'M PATHETIC!!! HOW DARE YOU!!?"

The only reply to Misato's raving came in the form of a loud, wet snap as the vertebrae in Asuka's neck finally succumbed to the awesome pressure on them.

**

Misato gasped, sitting up with a start as she found herself lying on a bed in some strange room. Where am I? she wondered, casting about wildly. The kitchen - Asuka! Oh what have I do-

"Misato?"

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she found someone sitting at the foot of her bed.

"Amber…?"

The girl nodded absently. "It looked like you were having a bad dream," she said softly, "I didn't want to wake you, but… but I wanted to tell you something about that house you were looking for. My dad told me that no one's lived there for years. I guess… something bad happened there right before World War Two, and ever since that , the people that have lived there have… have disappeared, so after about 1950, people gave up and stopped trying, deciding it was better to leave it alone."

"O-oh," Misato stammered, unnerved by the girl's flat tone - and still unsure of how she came to be here. "I see."

"Misato…" Amber trailed off nervously.

"What's wrong?" Misato asked, swinging her feet off the side of the bed.

Worry about how later, she thought firmly, Amber looks like she's about to cry…

"I've… been to Brookhaven," Amber said slowly, "and I stopped by Aaron's place, and… and I found something…"

"What is it?" Misato coaxed gently, wondering of Amber had worked out for herself what her boyfriend had been up to.

A pained expression crossed the girl's face. "I had some weird feelings," she continued, ignoring Misato's question, "like… like I'd been to Brookhaven before, and at Aaron's I felt like something happened… but…" Amber's voice broke, "but I can't remember what, and… and I think it's important."

"Just relax," Misato urged, "you'll remember in a while." She offered the girl a reassuring smile. "I know that sometimes the harder I try to think of something, the harder it is to remem-"

"No!" Amber cut in, her voice taking on a desperate edge. "You don't understand! I think… something BAD happened - and I KNOW it was important… and I can't remember!"

"Easy!" Misato said, rising carefully to her feet as Amber leapt up. "Just… just take it easy, Amber. I'm right here, ok? I'll help you any way I can - oh, that reminded me, I've got your ri-"

Amber's eyes widened. "Aaron's star," she whispered hoarsely, "you have Aaron's star!!"

Misato flinched, looking at the tin star on her jacket. Damn it! she thought angrily, I totally forgot about that!!

"I gave it to him the night…" all the colour drained from Amber's face as she trailed off. "NOOO!!!"

"Amber!" Misato cried, chasing after the girl as she turned and bolted from the room, slamming the door in Misato's face.

When she yanked it open, looking left and right down the grimy corridor, Amber was nowhere to be seen. Misato tore down the hallway, banging on each door as she passed… knowing they were all locked. Finally, she came to a pair of gaping double doors, leading to yet another stairwell.

"Looks like I'm being summoned," she panted, taking a last, pained look down the corridor, "but to what? Alicia said something about a reckoning…"

Misato stood at the edge of the stairs, thinking hard on Alicia's words and what Ritsuko had said about this town. Almost every person I've met in this town has done Shinji harm, directly or indirectly, she thought slowly, even me - especially me! The only person I can think of that hasn't… is Amber.

She tried to put the puzzle together in her mind. Commander Ikari was the father who abandoned, ignored, and mistreated Shinji, exploiting him ruthlessly and giving him none of the things a father should have given his own son.

At least my own father gave me affection; she thought dismally, half-hearted kind words and lame gifts to try to make me happy after what he did to mother… but then he gave his life to save me. I can't imagine the Commander doing ANY of that. And Ritsuko…

Ritsuko, while not as bad as Gendou, nevertheless had done pretty much the same. She was never particularly close to Shinji, and essentially used him like a tool.

I never believed she LIKED the idea of having Shinji killed… Misato understood and knew Ritsuko too well to believe that, and somewhere in the darkest corner of her mind, she understood that deep down Ritsuko regretted her treatment of the boy, especially during the incident with the 12th. At the time, Misato had just written her off as cold-hearted, but then the blonde had taken him with her when she fled - and it would have been very easy to just leave him behind to fend for himself.

Fletcher… the thought passed through Misato's mind like a stray bullet. Fletcher's never hurt Shinji… has he? He's like Amber too, unless there's something I can't see…

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath. "I keep getting sidetracked," she whispered.

Pushing the gut feeling that Fletcher and Amber had some unseen connection to Shinji, Misato took her pistol firmly in hand… and started down the stairs.

TBC