Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ World Conflict II: Evangelion ❯ Asuka Strikes! (Or atleast tries to) ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

For once, review replies! Here are my replies to all you cuntrags that have no lives! Hi, dumbasses! I'm kidding, of course.

Red Mage Neko: I like your design. BUT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME SOMETHING BAD! DIE, BASTARD, DIE! ::whips out knife and tries to stab him, only to hit himself in the forehead with the hilt, knocking himself out::

Anyway, that's it! Time for story! By the way, no I do not actually smoke or drink. I'd probably end up drinking around 20 or so, though. And wow... I really need to fix the chapter where I sing.... Well, some of you might like J-rock, right? I like Hikaru Utadu and I can't understand her half the time, so maybe you get what I'm saying.... hmm... probably not. Anyway, FUCK YOU! *gives everyone the bird*

Today's Quote: [Gojyo]"I don't believe it... He's sleeping with his eyes open.... ::shakes Goku:: That's just too damn creepy!" [Sanzo] "Shut up or I'll kill you!" [Hakkai] "That's funny... Sanzo yells in his sleep." (A scene from Saiyuki, Episode 32, found by me)

BIATCHBIATCHBIATCHBIATCHBIATCH

Everyone waited impatiently outside the doctor's office, Zakku even moreso. "I'm going to start smoking if I don't hear anything soon. I have never been so nervous in my entire life," he said, pacing back and forth. "Now you know how I felt when I waited outside the ER when my kid was born," Robert said, handing him an already lit cigarette. "I was kidding... Gimme that!" Zakku said, trying to smoke it and ended up vomitting in the garbage. "Oh how I love watching someone start trying to smoke!" Ian said, laughing, earning him a punch in the back of the head by Anba. "You are so insensitive about everything EXCEPT when you're involved!" she said, then gave Zakku a Bear Hug of DOOM. "That's enough! Stop hugging me!" Zakku screamed, trying to get away, "And where's Shade?" Anba let go of him, spinal injuries and all.

"No idea, man. Said he needed time to think or something," Ian said, still rubbing his head. "Greaaat," Zakku moaned, hitting his head against the wall. The sounds of doors opening caused everyone to turn in the direction. There stood Avira, smiling. "I'm pregnant," she said, sounding rather embarrassed. Everyone else looked at Zakku, waiting for his reaction as he stood there, mouth hanging open. The words finally sank in and he passed out. "Did he just faint?" Ian asked, staring down at his currently very pathetic-looking friend. "Awww.... he looks like such an angel when he sleeps... then he wakes up and he's a psychotic 7-year-old on candy mixed with crack," Anba said, a sweatdrop appearing, anime-style. Ian looked at it and plucked it off, then took a bite into it. "Tastes like a Saltine," he said, eating the rest of it. Robert's eye twitched as he watched, "I hope you both realize you destroyed reality as we know it."

"WHO CARES!?" Ian yelled, dancing, "PARTEH!" Anba gave him another punch in the back of the head. "OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" he yelled. "We need to get him to his room!" Robert yelled. Ian groaned and picked the boy up, taking him to his room, Avira in tow.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM

Zakku opened his eyes to see Avira lying beside him, half-asleep. "I hate you," he said, narrowing his eyes at her. Her eyes opened, looking hurt. "What do you mean?" she asked. "I haven't even tried anything like that. Do you really think I'm so stupid that I don't notice when my girlfriend's been cheating on me?!" Zakku replied loudly, sitting up. "You were in jail for a year! You weren't even supposed to be let out! How was I supposed to know you'd get out!? You were just rotting away in that cell, always yelling at me, saying what a pain in the ass I was!" Avira yelled, getting out of bed. "That's because you were always clinging to me like some little girl! I got regular beatings because everyone thought I was a softy! You didn't have to put up with that! Oh no, you were too busy with your job AT THE STRIP CLUB!" Zakku hissed.

"I never worked at a strip club!" Avira said, putting on some of her clothes. "Sure, sure! Whatever you say! That's why Stephan left a message on our comm saying how great you were in bed! I even looked up where you're working now! 189 Hinamura Avenue! 'Sanosuke's Sex Club'!" Zakku yelled, causing both of them to fall silent. "I'm sorry," Avira finally said, crying silently. "I wouldn't have cared if you hadn't led me on this entire time! I know you had to have been dating someone for a few weeks before I got out or you couldn't tell! ...Don't even know why I kept my mouth shut," Zakku said, looking down at the floor, "I'll be leaving, then. I'll leave most of my things. Do whatever you please with them." With that, he got dressed and grabbed a bundle of his clothes and shoved them into a bag, along with a few much more personal items.

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh?" Avira said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Yeah, guess it is. Don't bother looking for me," Zakku replied as he walked out the door, stashing the pictures of his family into his back pocket. "I--" Avira started before being cut off. "Don't bother saying it. You're lying, anyway," Zakku said, then walked down the halls. Just as he reached the transportation room, he ran into Shade. "So you're leaving, then?" he asked, tilting his head, waiting for a reply. "Yeah. I guess I have a tendency to desert the ones I love, don't I?" Zakku replied, walking by him. "I'm not one to judge. You, of all people, should know that," Shade said, watching him as he walked by. Zakku stopped walking, but neither turned to face each other.

"Why is it that so many people get kidnapped for this stupid organization? Because of him, I..." Zakku's voice trailed off, tears running down his cheeks, "First, he steals Greg away from me! Then, he steals me from my family! Why do you let him lie about such things and let him do as he pleases? Why don't you stop him!?" Shade tapped the respiratory unit attached to his face, "I've already told you why. All of us are tied down. Even you're not invincible, without weakness." Zakku nodded slightly, wiping the tears away, "But... still... we could say we tried. Standing by and doing nothing only acknowledges failure. We could say we tried to stop him!" Shade sighed, shaking his head, "Everyone grows older, withering away before they die. But then there's you. You never seem to grow up."

"You're right. But my cousin wouldn't have said that. He would have argued with you that no such person could exist. Greg... was such an ignorant fool. Still..." Zakku's voice trailed off again. Shade opened his mouth to reply when an alarm went off. "Angelic presence acknowledged! All available pilots mobilize! Lt. Colonel Lyles is to report to the bridge for command!" the ship's computer announced. "Duarte, from here on out, you are unauthorized to leave the ship except for NERV purposes!" Shade said over the alarm, then ran off. "What!? Arghh.... Damn it!" Zakku yelled, kicking the wall. A few moments passed as he stood with his foot to the wall, then he ran towards his motorcycle and went down.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM

"Prepare Unit-01 for launch!" Misato yelled as she stood at the bridge. A screen opened up, showing Shade's face inside his cockpit. "Allow us to handle this matter. Your forces will take a few minutes to be ready, while ours are already launching. Excuse me, for I must enter the battlefield," he said, then the screen closed. "He's strange," Misato commented, "Where is Zakku? He should be here already!"

"He doesn't need to be here, considering we only have two units. There wouldn't really be a reason for him to be here," Fuyutski replied. "Don't launch the EVAs yet. I want them on standby," Gendou said. 'Let's see how well you do,' he thought.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM

Zakku's motorcycle shot down the highway, watching as Ramiel floated towards Tokyo-03. It was night time and the moon's light reflected off the fortress-like Angel, who stood silent, as if waiting. The reason were the shooting stars raining down on it, revealing themselves to be capsules, which opened, revealing Ian and Lucius' mechs, along with a new one. It was midnight black with light armor, red slashes across it's chest and a symbol that only those of an old unit could recognize, which was mounted on the right shoulder. Dual pistols in hands, the mech was topped off with dual railguns over the shoulders and a dinosaur-like tail. It ran backwards toward a nearby hill while the other two went straight for Ramiel. Missiles screeched through the skies, colliding with it, only to send shrapnel in an uncomfortably familiar directions.

"Son of a bitch!" Zakku screamed, accelerating and doing a stoppie as the shrapnel landed just behind him, cutting off the back wheel. The jacket and helmet did their job, allowing him to get up with relatively low damage. The motorcycle, however, was already flaming and blew up, sending him flying backwards once again. As Zakku got up, he recognized something he had only seen in mirrors; he saw himself walking through the flames, only with a certain appendage spreading behind it. "So, you're my human counterpart," it said. Zakku took off his helmet and tossed it aside, "Nice to know that everybody thinks I'm so cool that they feel the need to copy me." Humanis walked forward, drawing a glowing red sword from the air. Shraphnel flew by them, but only Zakku flinched: humanity had it's limits.

"The test has begun," Humanis said, running forward at a pace that Zakku could barely keep track of, nearly cutting him in half, had he not jumped. "I needed a punching bag!" he yelled, slugging Humanis in it's face. Or atleast, that's what Zakku thought until he felt a familiar excruciating pain coursing through his hand and forearm. Humanis hadn't budged. "If that's all you are capable of, you shall fail the test!" it yelled, jabbing him in the chest, causing him to fly back a few feet. Zakku got up slowly, wincing as he felt the familiar sensation of a broken rib. He drew the pistol from his holster on his left pocket and shot at it. Humanis dodged them with ease as it ran forward and cut off his left arm up to his elbow, then kicked him into the edge of the highway. A panel of earth rose up from the ground in front of them, revealing Units 00 and 01. Zakku struggled to get up, ignoring the beam of energy that shot past him, nearly disintegrating him.

The deafening sound of a railgun echoed through the skies, then the shockwave that followed, knocking Humanis and Zakku off their feet. Unit 01 was crouched, targeting Ramiel with the large laser cannon in her hands. The energy inside Ramiel shined as it fired a shot towards her. "YUI! SHINJI!" Zakku screamed, watching as time seemed to slow down, the beam getting closer. Then, everything became dark. Unit 00 stood strong, using it's shield for whatever time it could buy. Machine guns and missiles boomed and screeched as they streaked across the sky, hitting the AT field of the giant fortress. The clicks of Ian and Lucius' weapons was loud.

The ACs retreated, hiding behind whatever cover was nearby. The railguns screamed as they shot forward at Ramiel, who now had two holes coursing through it. The firing ceased, at long last, and Ramiel fell to the ground. Shinji did his best to free Rei, while Humanis and Zakku continued their own conversation. "Why are you fighting? You've got the same memories as me, don't you? You must know what it's like to be human. Why do you fight us?" Zakku asked, holding his arm as he fought to keep consciousness. "The Angels cannot disobey God. We have no free will, save for Tabris. Even then, he is tied to his duty. Why do you fight, despite your hatred for others?" Humanis asked. "There are still people I love..." Zakku's said softly. "Such as that woman named Tifa? Despite her rejecting you? Despite your friends often fighting you? Despite the girl you've trusted for the past year has betrayed you? All for what?" Humanis asked.

"Yeah, I never was good at getting over the loss of friends. Ironically, the death of family hasn't bothered me in the least. I've yet to cry for the family I've lost, despite how close they were to me. My friends and I are unified to a point. All friendships must draw a line so that we might keep our individuality. As for Avira.... I don't blame her.... I'm horrible when it comes to romance. Why shouldn't she have cheated on me?" Zakku replied. "You continue to lie about it... I know your weakness, your thoughts and every action before you do it!" Humanis said, slicing off the boy's head as he jumped up, making a fist, which never made contact as his body hit the floor, then his head. "If only it were that simple to kill you," Humanis said, then disappeared into the night, leaving the body to be found by his allies.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM (next day)

"Beginning aging process," Izumi said, brushing her curly brown hair out of her green eyes. Izumi was the head doctor on the Basroil, but the expertise needed to measure the aging and physical attributes of the body for cloning were more medical than technological. Obviously, she was wearing a white lab coat, along with a short skirt and white blouse to match. The fetus within the tube quickly began to develop, first into a baby, then into a small child and continuing until a young adult was floating within the container. "Why didn't you just make him older the first time he died?" Anba asked, giving Shade a dirty look. "We couldn't do it quick enough to make him twenty at the time. Nurse!" he said, causing the red-haired girl standing at the door to jump out of fright. "Yes, sir?" she asked. "Please fetch Lt. Duarte some fatigues to wear," he said, watching the young man as he came to.

"Yes, sir!" the nurse said, then ran out. Zakku opened his eyes, waiting for his pupils to adjust to the light. "How do you feel?" Anba said, trying to ignore the fact her "little brother" was in a large tube, completely nude. "Angel.... Humanis... Fought him.... Clone.... Must... Warn... NERV," he said through the communicator in the oxygen mask before passing out again. "What!? Zack! Wake up!" Anba yelled. "Don't worry. He's got a strong enough will to keep his memories each time he's cloned. He'll be able to tell us when he wakes up again," Shade said, then turned to Izumi, "I'm going to hope you can dress him on your own?" Izumi nodded, "Although, it's not exactly a pleasure. I'm not very comfortable with dressing a grown man." Anba sighed, "I'll help, however mentally scarred I may be afterward."

"I'll leave this to you two, then. Try to keep him from killing Avira. It turns out the baby isn't his. He won't be too happy when he sees her," Shade said, then walked out the doors. He walked to his office and sat at his desk once he reached it. He pulled out the photo he kept, showing himself, among others, standing in front of a demolished tank. There he sat on the tread, a beautiful woman wrapping her arms around his neck as she sat in his lap. "Mira," Shade said softly, looking at her as she smiled up at him in the photograph, he smiling down at her. She had long, flowing hair that looked either black or brown, the rest unable to be seen in the black-and-white, group-shot picture. Then there was Adonis on the edge of the photo, standing alone, a look of indifference on his face as he held the missile launcher that had most likely taken out the tank. The photo was black and white, but Adonis was a broad-shouldered man and was about 6'3". His hair was either white or blonde, from what the limited color the black and white ink could hint at.

"Adonis... I'll find you, some day... I'll avenge her," Shade said, stuffing the photo back into his pocket. For the rest of the night, Shade did not move from the chair, falling asleep, dreaming of the life he would have had if Mira were still with him. They'd have a few children running about the house, which she would shoo from the house and into the woods that surrounded the house and served as their playground. "They are such troublemakers," she would say, to which he'd laugh and reply with, "That's what all children do." Mira sat in his lap, kissing him on the lips. Just as he wrapped his arms around her, a familiar voice woke him up. "Sir? Wake up, sir!" Bruce said, shaking him. Shade opened his eyes, then noticed Bruce and a somewhat familiar figure standing behind him.

"Do you realize how hard it's going to be explaining my huge leap in age to my students?" Zakku asked, glaring down at him. Thanks to technology, Zakku was now 5'11" and didn't look like he was anorexic, along with the long hair he had sported before, only now down to his ankles; his hair grew just like the rest of his body. "You can tell them where you live. It's nothing to worry about if people find out where you live. I just hope you didn't get too involved. By the way, there's an event coming up and you need to attend it as the representative for our ship. The United Nations don't seem very happy with our suddenly popping up in Japan's airspace, along with other things," Shade said. "Great, now I'm playing politician? I'm not a jack of all trades. I can't do everything you assign me," Zakku replied. "Well, this is an assignment you cannot refuse. Dismissed. Both of you," Shade said. Both Bruce and Zakku broke into salute, then walked out.

"You're lucky to be a Ghost. Not many of us are picked for that," Bruce said as they walked down the hall. "What makes you think it's so great? We aren't allowed to stay dead. Eternal service isn't great. The first time I died, it took me a month to pull myself together once I realized what had happened to me," Zakku said. "Yeah, but atleast you aren't a cyborg. I've got to get weekly tune-ups. Let me tell you, they don't tickle," Bruce replied, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are we having a civil c-- holy shit," Zakku started, watching a brunette as she talked to her friends in the cafeteria.

She was wearing a brown T-shirt with a golden eagle on the front, stopping just a few inches above her belly button, along with pants that, surprise surprise, hugged her curves. She was also atleast half a foot shorter than him. "You've really got a soft spot for the ladies!" Ian said, popping up out of nowhere, making Zakku jump. "I-I do not! I just broke up with Avira! I don't need or want a girlfriend right now!" he replied, avoiding eye contact. "Then look me in the face and say that!" Ian said, grinning as he turned Zakku's face toward his, making eye contact.

"Er... I... don't.... okay, fine! Maybe I do! But I'm not going to get one!" Zakku said, then stopped as he saw the brunette and her friends walking towards them. "Time to play Cupid!" Ian said, chuckling as he shoved Zakku into the brunette, causing both of them to topple over, the left-over food on her tray landing on Zakku's back. "Sorry!" he yelled, getting up, blushing. The burnette got up, giving an icy glare in her bright blue eyes. "PERVERT!" she screamed, taking a swing at him, which he ducked. "I didn't mean to! IAN! You're the one who got me into this!" Zakku said, ducking another punch. "Stop trying to make excuses!" she yelled, kicking him in the stomach. Zakku blacked out for a moment, the wind knocked out of him as he fell over. As he got up, a few people began chanting for a fight. "I said I was sorry," Zakku said, earning himself a punch on the left cheek, then another in the eye.

"You ran right into me out of nowhere!" the brunette yelled, punching him again. "My friend shoved me!" Zakku yelled back. "Duarte! Kamina! What's going on here!?" a voice yelled, making everyone stare in the direction of where it came from. Zakku and Kamina both turned to him. "Nothing, sir. Just a misunderstanding," Zakku said before Kamina could open her mouth. "The last time I checked, fighting was not a misunderstanding," Shade said, raising a brow at the black eye and swollen cheek. "It was just a misunderstanding. I probably deserved it," Zakku said, shaking his head. Kamina stood there, staring at him as he kept making excuses. Ones that might keep her out of the brig. "And what would you do to start a fight? I know you aren't a fool who goes around starting fights," Shade asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I tried to grope her," Zakku replied, stating the first thing that came to mind when he got hit by a girl for something. A few silent moments went by before Shade finally said anything. "Alright then. I expect you to report what you said earlier while in your container," he said, then walked by them. Once he was gone, Kamina finally spoke up, "Why did you do that?" Zakku sighed and shook his head, "Who knows? Probably because I'm a moron." Sighing again, he put his hands into his pockets and walked off. "Hey! Wait a minute! Wait, damn it!" Kamina yelled, running after him. "What do you want? First you try and beat the shit out of me, now you're following me around like a lost puppy?" Zakku said, looking down at the ground as he walked. "You didn't answer my question," Kanami said, stretching.

"....I.... like to help out cute girls?" Zakku said, his tone of voice showing he obviously didn't know why he did it. "I bet you just wanted to help me so I would go out with you," Kanami said, narrowing her eyes at him. "Your assumptions are really starting to piss me off. Yeah, I think you're cute, but it was my friend who shoved me into you. I'm not very good with women, anyway," Zakku replied, looking up for a moment to see just exactly where he was: the Basroil was the size of a small town. "My name's Hitomi Kanami," Hitomi said. "Let me guess... You fought in a tournament called Dead or Alive. You've got a Japanese mother and a German father who taught you karate and your favorite food is Sachertorte?" Zakku asked, a blank expression on his face as he tried not to laugh once he saw her face.

"How do you know so much!?" Hitomi asked, stepping in front of him, "Are you a stalker or something!?" Zakku groaned, then shoved her out of his way and walked past her, "Forget it. You're not worth talking to you. Sure, I'm a stalker, if that's what you want to think. I'll stop watching you while you shower now." Hitomi stood there for a moment, then walked after him. "Now who's the stalker?" Zakku said, turning around a corner.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM (Ikari/Katsuragi household)

"Misato! It's almost noon! Wake up!" Shinji said, knocking on the door. Misato groaned, still hungover. "Alright," she moaned, "I'll be up in a minute." Shinji sighed, "Hurry up or I'll start the movie without you." In his hand was a DVD that Kensuke said he'd have a good time watching, although it was unlabeled. Misato finally came out, dressed decently for a change. "I'm going to get a beer," she said, scratching her back as she walked into the kitchen. Shinji sighed and put the DVD into the player. In less than a second, moans and profanities that would make anyone blush were heard throughout the condo building. "WHAT THE HELL!?" Misato yelled, dropping her can of beer as she saw the screen; a porn video was playing. Shinji shut it off, a blood dripping out of his nose.

"Sort of reminds me of when Kaji and I... Er... nothing!" Misato said, avoiding Shinji's curious glance. With that, she went back into her room, grumbling as she held her head in pain.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM (Basroil, Shade's office)

"So this Angel is currently hiding?" Shade asked. "Or so I think. We aren't completely alike, so I can't know for sure. Humanis is very strong and very dangerous. I'm already worried it will attack NERV. If Humanis gets to Lilith, there's going to be very serious problems," Zakku said, bending his knees slightly; standing at attention would hurt the legs after a while. "At ease," Shade said, sighing, "You disobeyed a direct order to stay off the ground except for NERV purposes. You'll now be under warning status, so don't be surprised when there's a sentry drone floating outside your door." Zakku snapped to attention again, saluting, "Yes, sir!" Shade waved him away, "Dismissed." With that, Zakku turned and walked out of the room, heading towards his own.

Unfortunately, Zakku has rather shitty luck and... "Hey, Zack! Did you ask her out yet?" Ian said, catching up with him. "Yes. She has a boyfriend. Now go away," Zakku said, speeding up. "You didn't even ask her! I can tell, damn it!" Ian said, stopping, "Oh fine! I have a date with Misato this week! Damn Angels... had to reschedule!" With that, he disappeared, but things never got any better. Zakku opened the door only to see Avira naked; he had walked into his old room instead of his current one. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Avira screamed, throwing a book at him, which nailed him right between the eyes. "Eep! My diary!" she said, trying to cover herself with the bed's sheets. "Take it! I don't want it!" Zakku yelled, tossing it onto the bed before walking out. "You just wanted to get a peek at me!" Avira said, glaring daggers as the door closed.

"I've got hacking skills for that! Security's not loose at all on this ship!" Zakku yelled through the door, grinning as he heard a squeak. "What are you yelling at the door for?" Anba said, popping up out of nowhere, causing him to jump. "What's with the blue dress? It's all shimmery and... tight... and.... what the hell is with the dress!?" he asked. "What, I'm not allowed to wear a dress?" Anba said, "You walked in on Avira, didn't you?" Zakku sighed and nodded, "I hate women.... MOST WOMEN!" Anba put down her hand, which had been threatening him the moment before. "You've got to go to some government thingy the day after tomorrow, so get some rest already!" she said, giving him a Bear Hug of DOOM. "Well, this ought to be fun...." Zakku said, sighing.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM ('Jet Alone Project' demonstration field, Tokyo-02)

There sat Zakku, his hair, now waist-length, locked in a ponytail and wearing a pair of black slacks and dress shoes with ankle-length black socks, a light blue dress shirt with a black tie and even a pair of black gloves, along with a pair of glasses he now needed, thanks to the fact he couldn't have his operation yet. Misato was wearing a tight black dress that was more than enough to make a man stare. Ritsuko, as always, wore her lab uniform. "Welcome, everyone! We'll soon be demonstrating in the command station, but first, are there any questions?" the man at the podium asked. "For the love of god, Ritsuko, stay away from the microphone. This thing won't work anyway. ANd before you ask: yes, it will be stopped," Zakku said, which made Ritsuko sit back down, moving her hand away from the microphone.

IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM (3 days later, Pacific Ocean)

"Wow! I've always wanted to ride in one of these babies!" Kensuke said. "Where are we going, anyway?" Shinji asked, squeezed between his friends. "What? You don't like our romantic date out at sea?" Misato said, kissing the air. "W-we're on a date!? I wore this hat especially for this trip. I'll never take it off," Touji said. "Oh, give me a break!" Shinji said, rolling his eyes. "Oh my gosh! Look at that fleet! Those are vintage models! Pre-Second Impact! WOW!" Kensuke said, pressing his camera up against the helicopter's window. "I'm surprised such a crusty old thing can float," Misato said, giving a sigh of boredom. Within a few minutes, the helicopter landed and the gang got off. Unfortunately, Kensuke got carried away and started looking at everything and Touji's hat blew away.

Shinji yawned and stretched, walking after them and Misato, looking seasick, walked after him, a hand over her mouth and another wrapped around her stomach. They all stopped once a beam shot down to the ground, revealing a familiar young man. "I'll explain later... STOP STARING!" Zakku shouted at everyone. He was wearing a black hat that might have belonged to Micheal Jackson, along with large, steel-toe boots and a pair of finger gloves. Obviously, he was wearing something more appropriate for both public and sea-side purposes: a pair of baggy jeans and a white T-shit with a motorcycle jacket that looked exactly like his old one, only bigger. "Shinji, don't you have anything other than your school uniform?" he asked, grinning. Then he saw Touji trying to get his hat out from under his foot, which he lifted, letting the hat get away.

"No! Stop my hat, damn it!" Touji yelled, stopping when the hat was blocked by a pair of skinny legs and red high-heels. There stood Asuka Langely Sohryu, her red hairclips stuck in her red hair, her blue eyes narrowed with a cocky grin on her face. She was wearing a yellow sundress that couldn't seem to stay still for a moment, thanks to the wind. "Hallo, Misato!" she said, grinning more. "Hey, Asuka! You sure have grown a bit!" Misato replied. "And in more ways than one; my figure's filled out rather nicely, don't you think?" Asuka asked, posing. A strong gust of wind blew, causing Asuka's skirt to rise to a rather uncomfortable level, which resulted in her slapping each of the boys in turn. Zakku, however, stepped backward to avoid his slap, still holding his hat. "What the hell was that for!?" Touji asked, putting his hat back on. "That's the viewing fee! Rather nice one, if you ask me!" Asuka said.

"Oh yeah!? Well here's your ch--" Touji started, only to get kicked in the back by Zakku, causing him to fall on his stomach. "Pull down your pants and I'll kill you," he said, then dodged another slap by Asuka, "You are going to be swimming in a couple of minutes. Stop trying to slap me!" Dodge. Dodge. Dodge. Dodge, trip! "Next time I'll through you in the water," he said, watching Asuka as she got up. WIth that, he followed Misato to the bridge, with the children in tow. "This place makes me wonder how my grandfather lived like this. He was in the Navy during World War II," he said, adding the last part when Misato looked at him. They came to an escalator, which they all got on. "Hello, Admiral! I am Captain Katsuragi, Misato!" she said when she walked onto the bridge, breaking into a salute. "2nd Lieutenant Duarte, Zachary!" Zakku said, snapping to attention and saluting.

"I'd have figured you the brains of this field trip, captain, but I suppose I was wrong. Thank you so much for bringing even more children for me to babysit," the admiral said sarcastically. Misato handed him some documents. "This is the procedure for emergency power for the Evangelion," she said. Zakku still stood at attention, although he turned his head and looked down at Asuka, who seemed intent on staring up at him as if he were the Eiffel Tower. "Can I help you?" he asked. "Which one of these dummkopfs is the Third Child?" she asked. "Der dünne mit dem schwarzen Haar. Wirklich das Wimpy-Aussehen," Zakku answered, unable to keep himself from showing off his German. "Think you're real cute, don't you?" Asuka said, giving him an irritated look. "Yeah, but I'm not as full of myself as you are," Zakku replied.

"Atleast I know how to dress! Your hat doesn't match your outfit," Asuka said, pointing at the black hat, which had a white stripe going around it. Zakku took it off and pressed a button on the hat, causing blades to pop out of the rim, making everyone stare at him, Asuka more than anyone. "Misato! Why the hell did you bring this psycho!?" she asked. "Zakku isn't a psycho," Shinji said. "Oh sure! Gang up on me!" Asuka said, groaning. "Whiny little bitch," Zakku said in English, earning him a slap. "I can understand you, jerk!" Asuka said. "That's it! C'mere!" he yelled, moving towards her. "CHILD MOLESTOR! RAPE!" Asuka said, kicking him in the stomach. Kaji popped his head in, "Who's molesting who?" Misato gawked and Asuka blushed and ran to him, hugging him. "Kaji dear!" she said. "Bitch," Zakku muttered in English, wincing as he tried breathing again.

"Sir! There's an unidentified aircraft landing on our flight deck!" a soldier yelled over the communications link. "WHAT!?" the admiral yelled, looking out the window. Zakku did the same. "Oh... Those would be some of the soldiers from my ship. Don't worry about it!" Zakku said, clapping him on the back. "Why you little..." the admiral started, only to find everyone had gone. "You sure know how to piss him off!" Kaji said, laughing. Except for the different eyes and skin tone, Kaji and Zakku looked rather alike. "Yeah, I know. Comes with years of practice. My brother was my verbal punching bag," Zakku said, fixing his hat and grinning. "What the hell are you doing here?" Misato asked as everyone crammed into the elevator. "I'm not going to f--" Zakku tried before Misato yanked him in. "Just get in!" she yelled. "Good job, numbnuts. Now it's really cramped," he said in English.

"Watch where you're touching me!" Asuka yelled, feeling a hand graze up against her butt. "I can't help it!" Touji said, squished against the window. The elevator finally opened and everyone got out. "Must have food," Zakku said, grabbing some of the food from the counter. Everyone grabbed either a snack or a cup of coffee, unable to eat on a ship. "Yum! European food for a change! I love it!" Zakku said, pulling up an extra chair at Kaji and Misato's end. "So, how have you been, Misato?" Kaji asked. Misato looked away, "I don't think it's any of your business." The kids were staring at Zakku, who was wolfing down the food on his plate, practically crying because he wasn't eating Japanese food. "So, Shinji... You live with Misato, right? Tell me.... Is she still.... so wild in bed?" Kaji asked, making everyone stare at him. When Zakku saw all their faces, he nearly choked on his food with laughter.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING THAT FOR!?" Misato yelled, then got up, "I'm going to see the admiral!" Kaji sighed, then looked at Zakku, "Are you her boyfriend now?" Zakku shook his head, "And I'm glad I'm not. PMS, man. PMS." Kaji laughed, then got up and waved goodbye, "See ya around, then!" Zakku got up and tossed out the rest of his food and left, followed by Kensuke and Touji. "You're coming with me, Third Child!" Asuka said, yanking Shinji away from them.


IDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOMIDIDYOURMOM (Unit-02's carrier)

"The third baron of hell," Zakku whispered to himself, looking at it as he stood on the drifting make-shift bridge of barrels and planks. "Where did you get that idea?" Ian asked, wearing the standard-issue fatigues of the Basroil, complete with it's emblem. "It's in the Bible somewhere," Zakku said, pulling a small one out of his back pocket and flipping through the pages. "Since when did you turn Christian!?" Anba asked, raising a brow. "Research. We're dealing with the servants of God, not aliens. I figured either the Genesis books or the Bible would have something. And since the Bible is only one small book, I brng it with me!" Zakku answered, not looking up, "Fuck it. I can't find it right now."

"What are you doing here!? Get away from my precious Unit-02!" Asuka cried, shoving past them before the whole boat rocked. "What the hell was that!?" Ian yelled in English, not thinking of Japanese anymore. "Angel! Move out! I want Lucius down here with the mechs!" Zakku shouted, then ran out from under the curtain and climbed onto the hovercraft as it pulled alongside the battleship, Yoko smiling from the cockpit. Ian and Anba disappeared through the top of the curtain, going back to space. Asuka ran out and grabbed Shinji as well as her plugsuit, "C'mon! I'm not going to let anyone beat me!" Shinji groaned and stumbled after her, "Why can't we just sit this one out!? Damn it!"

(Over The Rainbow carrier)

"Asuka! Get moving!" Misato yelled. The admiral pulled the mic away from her, "Don't you dare! All ships fire at will!" A battleship exploded an Gaghiel burst from the sea, much like a dolphin. Misato moved back towards the microphone when she saw Zakku standing on the flight deck, a black wing and a white wing extending from his back, his previous outfit now a white suit and his hair short. "How did he get like that all of a sudden?" she asked herself, then noticed a strange type of aircraft flew forward onto the flight deck, allowing a man to jump off, a suitcase in hand. Then she realized who it was. "Hello, Katsuragi!" a familiar voice said over the radio. "Kaji!" she said happily, a little hope in her heart. Kensuke got excited once again, "MUST! CHANGE! DISK! MUST! FILM! FIGHTER JET!" Kaji put on a pilot's helmet, "Well, I've got to make a delivery, so I'll leave everything to you, Captain!"

"Why, you...!" she said, yelling profanities. Meanwhile, Zakku walked towards Humanis, the black suitcase in hand. "I see you aren't dead after all. You really are stubborn, aren't you?" Humanis asked. "Don't you think the white suit is a little cliché for an angel? I've seen it in way too many movies," Zakku said. "Well, then... Shall we start the test yet again?" Humanis said, forming an orange sword yet again. "A sword made out of an AT field? You're going to need more than that this time," Zakku said, smiling, his teeth not showing as usual. He got on his knee and opened the suitcase, the surprise waiting inside.

BIATCHBIATCHBIATCHBIATCHBIATCH

And that's it! Woohoo! *dances like MJ again* I haven't updated in so long! And I think this was a good chapter (hopefully). I get bored while writing bad ones and I wrote more than half of this in one sitting. Hurray! And as for the cloning thing.... Seems waaaay too Rei-ish. But it will have a lot to do later on, so don't worry about it.