One Piece Fan Fiction ❯ Recipe for Disaster ❯ Recipe for Disaster ( Chapter 1 )

Recipe for Disaster

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece or any of its characters. Also, Zoro-tipping is a cruel practise, so don't try it at home.

Warnings/Notes: SmokerxAce, ZoroxSanji, SmokerxSanjixAcexZoro. Yaoi foursome. Gag-fic (don't usually put this but I think it has reached that level). Swearing. PSS (Poor Smoker Syndrome.) PWP, despite the length.

 

--

Sometimes, Smoker could only marvel at the level of chaos Ace could create.

The pirate would always manage to land them in the most bizarre situations. Something that seemed relatively innocuous at first gradually escalated, doing so in such a way that Smoker didn't realise what was going to happen until it was inevitable. Then something ridiculous and stupid would happen, and he'd end up nose over tail.

All the time Ace would just be there, grinning and enjoying the ride. The little shitbag.

The damn kid was bad for him. He knew that all too well from the consequences of their encounters. Any trouble that Ace attracted- and there was no shortage of that- often ended up deflected onto him. Unpaid restaurant bills, the damn Strawhat kid sending him through several walls, even angry women. (He still had no idea why some lady came up to him and clocked him around the back of the head with her purse, but he knew it was Ace's fault somehow. The brat wouldn't have been smirking like that for no reason.)

Now? Well, now he was buried under a heap of sweaty pirates. Pirates he recognised, pirates that he should be arresting.

As his eye twitched in repressed frustration, Smoker tried to backtrack to how he had got in this situation in the first place. What decision to follow the idiot had got him here?

It had started with him going into his office back on his ship that morning.

On his desk was a scrap of paper, onto which the name of an inn and a room number had been burnt. Perhaps it was then, when he folded the scrap and slipped it under his belt, rather than crushing it in his fist, that had made the mistake.

But he hadn't. He'd gone off duty for the evening and went out to explore the town, trying to track down the inn name on the paper. Which he knew was probably too much effort to be sane; there was no mention of a street name. He spent two hours wandering random back streets- there was no way he was going to ask someone and leave a witness- until he'd come across the correct building. When he looked at it, the place screamed 'pirate' at him. It just had that vague sense of lawlessness about it that made his marine skin crawl, even though it wasn't unpleasant in any way that was identifiable. It had a look about it; one that had endured numerous fist fights, and that the building had been built rock solid to stand for boisterous antics. Plus the cellar doors had heavy chains on top of them.

Then he could have turned back and left. He knew once he walked in there that there was a fair chance of finding bounty faces other than the one he was meant to meet.

Before he knew it, he was marching up the stairs with a single minded intent. One that had wrapped its fist around him and dragged him up them without a second thought. Taking long strides down the hall, he didn't even bother knocking on the door, flinging it open and slamming it behind him so hard the frame creaked.

He blamed this on too many lonely nights. Day after day being cooped up on a marine ship.

As expected, the brat was there, waiting.

Well, crashed out asleep on the bed, but he was there at least. He couldn't tell at the time whether it was another fit of his narcolepsy, or that he was genuinely asleep, but a boot to the side had roused him anyway.

It was probably by then that he was in too deep. The moment Ace had woken up, that was the exact point in time he'd gone too far, but damnit it was hard to resist the invitation. It had only taken moments, and few blasts of smoke and fire at the walls, to have Ace sprawled out naked under him on the bed. Still grinning.

That hadn't seemed bad at all. In fact, everything seemed to be going to plan. He was ready to fuck the little bastard. The little bastard, whose knee was indiscreetly rubbing between his legs, seemed more than ready to be fucked, and he still had both cigars to himself. Nobody else knew he was here, and they had the whole night to themselves.

Just as the corners of his mouth were being tugged by a smile of long awaited satisfaction, a loud groan passed through the wall at one side of their room, lingering for several embarrassing seconds before trailing off. Both of them turned to stare at the wall, faces paling as another loud noise came through. It was followed by a flurry of loud and angry conversation, and Smoker was sure he heard the word 'marimo'.

Just was he was wondering what the hell the occupants next door were up to involving aquatic plants, Ace had slipped out from under him and was standing by the bed, hands on his hips. The fact he was buck-naked didn't seem to occur to him as he grinned down at Smoker.

“Come on, let's go see what those two bastards are up to.” He'd said, tossing Smoker's trousers at him with an amused grin.

Too confused by the change of pace to argue, Smoker just stared pointedly at Ace's own nude form as he held his trousers. Judging by the look on Ace's face, he knew something that he didn't. After his demanding questions went unanswered by Ace, who'd retrieved his own shorts and hurriedly wriggled into them, Smoker found himself being dragged out of the door with the most irritated expression on his face he could muster.

At least he still had both cigars.

Stopping outside the door of the room next door, Ace had released Smoker's hand as he bent down to peek through the keyhole of the door. Genuine interest seemed to have outweighed the grunt of disapproval from Smoker, who lent against the door frame watching the top of the stairs at the end of the hall. Like hell he'd get caught peeping on a couple with some damn pirate.

The regular grin on Ace's face was completely overshadowed by the look he had on his face when he pulled back from the keyhole. Even Smoker faltered for a moment at the sheer trouble it spelt, though in that split second he was yanked down to the floor and told to take a look.

After he'd taken another wary glance down the hallway beforehand, Smoker closed one eye and peered through the keyhole; the cigars nearly dropped out of his mouth at what he saw. The two occupants were men he was all too familiar with. He recognised them as members of the Strawhat Crew, one blonde, the other with green hair. They seemed to be pretty naked, and rather close, but that was tangential to Smoker as he was mentally totting up the bounty values in his head, trying to decide whether to drool at the fantastic opportunity that had dropped in his lap, or run for the hills.

With a creak, the door swung open, and Smoker nearly fell forwards as the surface his hands were pressed against gave way. The blonde and green haired pair instantly turned to stare, frozen in place as they looked at Smoker and Ace in mortified shock. For a couple of long seconds, all parties were stock still, before Sanji and Zoro looked down to Smoker, who was still crouching level to the keyhole.

“What the hell, Portgas? Make me look like a pervert?!” He roared, getting to his feet and trying to collect himself; his face was already red with embarrassment.

Ace looked up at him, blinking with would could've have been called innocence, if it were anyone else that is. “Well, you were the one peeking through the keyhole.”

“You did it first!”

“Yeah, but I couldn't just barge in on a couple of strangers doing it, could I? It'd be rude!” Ace protested.

“Rude? You think it is polite behaviour to walk in on people now?” Smoker retorted, clenching his fist and scowling darkly. A large puff of smoke shot out the ends of the cigars after he finished his sentence. “You fucking planned this, didn't you?”

Whilst the pair at the doorway argued, Zoro and Sanji looked on in stupefied amazement at the bizarre scene. The fact they were both stark naked, and Sanji was straddling Zoro's lap wasn't really relevant as they simultaneously wondered what the hell the pair were doing here. Obviously they were missing out on some vital information, but it was pretty clear from the fact that neither the marine nor the pirate were fully dressed that this wasn't a raid.

“Oi, close the shitty door!” Scowling, Sanji glared over his shoulder at the pair, interrupting their squabbling with the complaint.

With a cocky grin, Ace gave Smoker a rough shove in the back to get him into the room before shutting the door behind them both, flicking the lock closed and turning to the couple on the bed. Despite Smoker's accusations, this was entirely unplanned. But hell if he wasn't going to take full advantage of the situation.

“What the hell do you think you're doing, Portgas?” Lingering by the door, Smoker looked at the pair on the bed uneasily. They had been exceedingly quiet since he and Ace had barged in. Roronoa was glaring at him already, his tense body obviously itching to fight, and the blond just looked annoyed in general. Digging his toes into the carpet, Smoker braced himself for an attack that never came; just Ace's hand whipping out to pull him forwards by the waistband before he could react.

The commodore in hand, Ace looked over to the pair and directed the most charming smile he had at them, dragging Smoker along as he walked to the side of the bed.

“Fancy meeting you here this evening.”

Sanji frowned at the nonchalant approach. “This is our room.” His eye flicked over to Smoker, who was standing behind Ace, still held by his waistband. As much as the marine scowled, directed to the room in general rather than suffering the decision of picking a pirate he particularly disliked, he wasn't attacking anyone. He just looked out of place. “And what the fuck is he doing here?”

Leaning in, Ace tapped the side of his finger on his nose and winked at Sanji. “He sneaked off for some shore leave.”

“Hey!” Jerking away from the hand on his waistband, Smoker was just left to stand there as the trio of pirates smirked in amusement. Even Roronoa had an amused smile on his face.

“Oh come over here, you old bastard. You should be more pleased than any one of us.”

“And why might that be?” Hissed Smoker, glaring down at Ace angrily.

“You get three energetic young men for the evening instead of just one.”

“THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING!”

“Oi marimo, you forgot to lock the shitty door.”

“When did that become my responsibility?”

“You came in after me! Sheesh, shitty swordsman.”

“What, can't keep up with us, old man?”

“One is more than enough! Especially when it is you!”

“If you cared so much why didn't you lock it, dart-brow?”

“Perhaps if you hadn't jumped me the moment you shut it, I might have had the chance.”

“You're going pink, commodore.”

“SHUT UP!” Roared Smoker, his booming voice cutting off the three pirates from their argument.

The three pairs of eyes- well, two and a half- stayed fixed on him as he stood a little way from the bed. There was a lingering pause before Ace rolled his eyes and turned to Zoro and Sanji, grinning disarmingly.

Smoker already knew what would happen; even as Zoro and Sanji looked at each other as they considered the advance. They'd accept him readily, because everyone did. He'd worm his way in, even if they had no idea just how he'd end up there. Because it was Ace, and Ace invited himself.

“So, is he gonna to just stand there?” Zoro raised an eyebrow as Ace somehow slid onto the bed and out of his shorts in the same movement.

Not answering the question, Ace simply looked over to Smoker. His expression beckoned as he met the marine's eyes with his own, holding his gaze with confidence. Stepping back, Smoker couldn't tear away from the look, despite his common sense screaming at him that this was not a good idea. One pirate was enough trouble. He was already in way over his head. Screw the bounties.

Perhaps literally.

Body acting before his mind could drive it elsewhere, Smoker evaporated on the spot into a thick cloud of smoke, which crept around the room at a surprising speed before he materialised on the bed behind Ace. His arms snaked around Ace's chest, one hand twisting his chin to the side whilst the other plucked the cigars from his own lips. Without a moment's hesitation he crushed their lips together, feeling a vague sense of satisfaction as Ace's body relaxed into place against his own. The eyes of the other two pirates were on him, and he was fully aware of it; the audience only made him more determined to overwhelm the cocky little bastard.

It wasn't as easy as it seemed though. Perhaps he'd taken an initial advantage with his unexpected approach, but Smoker quickly found warm hands on his chest, very quick to make their way down to his trousers. From a moment's distraction thanks to the fingers working at popping his top button, Smoker found himself being pushed back onto the bed as Ace took over the kiss.

He only had a split second of reprieve as Ace pulled back, pushing down his zipper.

“It isn't fair for you to still be dressed while we're already naked, commodore.” Muttered Ace, his voice sickeningly smug as he started to pull at the waistband; one of his hands slipped off so he could beckon Zoro and Sanji over. “Hey, come and help me with the old git!”

“I can undress myself, damnit!”

As hands grabbed at each ankle cuff of his trousers and started to pull, Smoker felt as thought he had been thrown to the wolves. Three sets of hands pawed at his trousers and made short work of them. Out the corner of his eye he noticed Ace tossing them across the room with glee, though he was too busy trying to get a grip on the couple who were now sprawling themselves over his legs. He considered turning to smoke again, but even as tendrils of white lifted up from his skin, Zoro lent forwards and met his gaze with a glare.

“Even if you are smoke, I can still slice you.”

Smoker didn't get a chance to retort to him as Sanji's foot knocked him to the side, igniting another squabble between the pair. With Sanji's bare foot warping his face, Zoro tried to grab his other leg and pull him off balance.

“Stupid musclehead, what do you think you're doing threatening him? Don't you have any manners?!”

“Knock it off!” Barked Smoker, filling his voice with as much authority as he could; the command fell on deaf ears as the pair kept fighting across his lap. As if they couldn't find a more appropriate place.

“You won't pull them apart you know.” Ace muttered in his ear, sliding his arms around Smoker's neck and running his hands down his chest. “They're like this all the time.”

Barely managing to squirm out of the way of an elbow that was on course for a rather sensitive area, Smoker growled around his cigars in annoyance. “How do they stop long enough to fuck?”

“Ha!” Ace leant forwards, moving in so close Smoker could feel his chest behind his head. “I doubt they stop just because of that.”

“Shitty marimo!”

Knocking Sanji's foot back with a frustrated grunt, Zoro took hold and gave it a hefty twist, flinging Sanji into Smoker's chest.

Before Sanji could rebound to kick Zoro in the face again, Smoker's arm hooked around his body and held him in place. Squirming against the secure hold, Sanji scowled at Smoker, who simply returned a death glare; one that was infinitely better through years of experience. Not only did the marine emanate a sense of maturity that none of them had, but there was something about him that just repressed Sanji's urge to argue as he was dragged closer by the scruff of his neck. It wasn't comfortable by any means, and Sanji was relieved when he was pulled level to Smoker's face. The cigar smoke blew into his own face, but he didn't care in the slightest; considering his own habit, he found the odour pleasant, though still strong.

Tilting his head back, Smoker glanced up at Ace impatiently before his cigars were taken from his mouth; he had no free hands to do it himself, and he wasn't sure he trusted the pirate enough to let him go. The hand on Sanji's neck slipped to cup the back of his head and pulled him forwards; for a split second his eye met Smoker's before their lips were crushed together.

Before, Sanji could just smell the smoke of the cigars, but now he could taste it. Strong fingers meshed into his hair, and he could feel the faint tickle of smoke on the back of his neck, something he knew must've been the devil fruit power at work. However, with Smoker's tongue being dragged across his lips, he didn't really give it much thought as he relaxed against him, happy to accommodate him for as long as he got to taste. It was a far more intense version of a familiar flavour that seemed to permeate everything about the marine, and he wasn't afraid to feel bereft as Smoker pulled back from the kiss.

“You smoke.”

Feeling Smoker's voice rumble in his chest under him, Sanji just glanced to the side and nodded, even though there wasn't a hint of a questioning tone. The stronger flavour of the cigars still lingered in his mouth, and he wondered how his own taste could have been discerned through that.

“How is it, dart-brow?” Asked Zoro as he laid himself down at Smoker's side, smirking in amusement as he saw Sanji's face.

“Delicious.”

Behind them, Ace looked on in amusement as he stole a drag from the cigars. It hadn't taken much to get Smoker to this point, and he knew that it was unlikely he'd pull out now. He could feel Smoker's shoulders pressed against his chest, and by his standards, he was pretty relaxed. After the supposed fight that he had put up- and really, it wasn't much of a fight for Smoker- he seemed rather comfortable under the other two pirates.

“Then you better share, love-cook.”

“By all means, be my guest.”

“Do I get any say in this?”

“'Course you don't, commodore.” Chuckling in Smoker's ear, Ace squeezed his shoulder with his spare arm as he inhaled from the cigars and blew smoke out over his hair. The growl of irritation he got in return didn't discourage him.

Propping himself up on one arm, Zoro moved over Smoker with an amused smirk. One of the hands Smoker had holding Sanji in place moved to grab his chin, but he didn't even flinch, instead leaning forwards with a cocky, challenging grin to close the gap between them himself. Ignoring the slight squeeze of the hand holding him, Zoro pressed their lips together forcefully and found Smoker reacting to him with an easy confidence, neither rushed or hesitant. It was clear he had no chance of outdoing the older man on this, as much as he wanted to try.

“You taste like a fucking chimney stack.” Muttered Zoro as he pulled back, reaching up to rub a thumb over Smoker's furrowed forehead and into his hair. Rather than seeming upset though, he was amused by it. “No wonder that bastard liked it so much.” He stuck a thumb out at Sanji, who started to struggle against Smoker before the restraining arm tightened around him.

“Who're you calling a bast-”

“Don't start that shit again.”

“You know, I like it too.” Ace smiled as he leant in over Smoker's head, imitating the marine by holding both cigars in his mouth and talking around them simultaneously. He'd managed to drape himself over Smoker's face before he got a grunt of disapproval. “'s tasty.”

“Get off my face, Portgas.”

“Hey, I want to get a taste too, you can't just hog them both like that.”

“Shut up and give me my cigars back.”

“Spoilsport.”

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY FACE!” Releasing Zoro and Sanji, Smoker gave Ace a none too gentle shove out of the way, managing to snatch the cigars from his mouth before he toppled to the bed.

After returning his cigars to their rightful place with an almost serene calm, he turned to Ace, who was righting himself from the bed

“You want them? Go ahead.” Smoker gestured to Sanji and Zoro, who both had managed to remain nestled up against either side of him during his reclamation of the cigars. He propped himself back up on his elbows as he watched Ace look between the pair, trying to decide which one to go for first. Though he had no intention of saying it, he was looking forward to watching this. “Make up your damn mind before I make it up for you.”

Giving Smoker a look that was stuck between a despairing frown and a pout, Ace crawled over to where they lay.

“Room for one more?” Not letting anyone answer the question, Ace wriggled his way in between Smoker's legs, getting in between Zoro and Sanji in a rather cosy manner.

Deciding to let the cheeky gesture slide- he would get to see everything close up this way, after all, which couldn't be bad- Smoker just inhaled deeply from the cigars and tilted his head back, blowing the smoke out of his nose.

“When you say it like that, it almost seems like a question.” Zoro muttered to Ace, before directing Smoker another amused smirk that only got a snort of smoke in response.

Twisting away from Smoker's torso to face Zoro, Ace reached up to run a hand through his short green hair. The smile on his face matched the manipulative 'innocent' expression he frequently used to tease Smoker, deeming it suitable to match the man's scowl.

“Alright, you're first.”

Without even getting a chance to respond to the decision, Zoro found himself being dragged into a kiss that was a drastic contrast to the one he had received from Smoker. Rather than having a calm confidence, he was more aggressive and overwhelming. He barely had a chance to respond as Ace always seemed ahead of him, making it difficult to keep up. Before his eyes slipped shut, he got a glimpse of Smoker's rather pleased expression before Sanji unexpectedly descended on him.

“Come on, let me have one.” Whined Sanji, reaching up for the cigars.

“No.”

“Stingy stinky marine.”

“Still a no. You think you have anything on that, pirate?” Smoker grumbled as he pointed to Ace, who was in the process of tipping over Zoro.

Ignoring the undignified grunts Zoro was making as he was overturned, Sanji shrugged as he reached up to run a hand over Smoker's chest. Huddling in closer, he glanced up at the cigars before looking away casually, pretending to be more interested in Zoro and Ace. For a few moments, he tried his best to seem at ease, skimming his fingers over one of Smoker's nipples before moving them lower.

Then, out of the blue- he'd hoped- he reached up to swipe a cigar from Smoker's lips, only to find that they had already been lifted well out of his reach.

“You think I'm stupid?” A small cloud of smoke spilled from Smoker's mouth as he spoke, his tone smug. “I've seen a lot of tricks, pirate. You'll have to try harder. Cheap tricks like that won't work on the likes of me.”

“Y'know, I am a cook too, shitty marine.”

“You're still a pirate.”

“And yet you're naked in a bed with three of us.” Ace interrupted, grinning as he released Zoro from his assault and settled back in between Smoker's legs. “I think someone has developed a bit of a taste.”

“Or perhaps it is because you don't stop hounding me.” Grumbled Smoker as he returned his cigars to his lips, giving Sanji a warning glare. “Thought it was my job to pursue you, not the other way around.”

“'s fun.”

“You have a twisted idea of fun, Portgas.”

“Maybe. I do like to play with fire after all.”

“You'll get burnt one day.”

“Not bloody likely.”

“Cocky idiot.”

“Smelly old man.”

“That's a new one.” Smoker looked over at Sanji, giving him another glare as he knocked his hand away. “Cut that out.”

“Oi, come on you shitty old marine, share 'em! You have two! Sheesh.” Giving Smoker a sour look, Sanji looked over to Ace for guidance. Might as well consult someone who had more experience in this specialist area if he wanted to get anywhere.

Just as it appeared that Ace was opening his mouth to give him an answer, Zoro loomed up from behind him and tackled him. The force dislodged Ace from his rather comfy position in Smoker's lap and sent him tumbling into Sanji, both of them piling on the unfortunate cook. Only grunting in annoyance as Zoro clambered over his stomach, Smoker just watched as another fight broke out among the trio. It was entertainment in itself; all three were completely naked after all, so it wasn't like he had a bad view. He just had to block out the less-than-erotic soundtrack of the accompanying argument.

“What the hell, mosshead?” Finding himself trapped under Ace and Zoro, who appeared to have started wrestling, was not Sanji's idea of fun. He tried to kick out at them as Ace's elbow dug into his chest, but persistently missed as they wriggled about on top of him. A burst of flame skimmed the top of his head, causing him to swear colourfully. “Oi, be careful!”

Likewise, Zoro was finding it difficult to keep up with Ace when not only was he struggling, but also spitting embers that had to be dodged. In the back of his mind he knew he should be concerned about the bed getting set on fire, though he knew Smoker was still hanging around on the sidelines. He could feel Ace's thighs slipping up against his own as he pushed him down.

“For fuck's sake marimo, you're right on top of me!”

“But I bet you're used to that, aren't you Sanji?” Ace interjected.

“Shut up!” Struggling all the more at the comment, Sanji tried to dislodge Ace himself, but was too late as Zoro lifted him clear off, taking advance of Ace's brief distraction. For a moment he thought he was finally free of the pair when Ace yelled out in surprise and Zoro grinned in triumph as he lifted him away with his arms hooked under his armpits.

However, Sanji was not so lucky.

Giving Ace a smug smirk, Zoro flipped him over. It wasn't clear whether pressing him right into Sanji was intentional or not as Zoro descended upon him. Behind them, Smoker's constant impassive glare had blossomed into a grin that lingered somewhere in between amused and lecherous as he looked on Ace's situation.

“Aha, is it your turn, Sanji?” Seeming completely oblivious to the man clambering over his back- with the exception of a surprised squeak as his ass was groped- Ace smiled down at Sanji. “Don't be thinking I forgot about you.”

“Yeah, because that would be such a tragedy. To be forgotten by a complete delinquent.”

“You make it sound like you don't want me to kiss you. And you even liked the commodore.”

Going red, Sanji tried to push Ace away, but only found that he started to press closer as Zoro leant in, smirking. “You chickening out, eh love-cook?”

“Fuck you, seaweed-head.” With the hastily snapped insult that just had to be made set aside, Sanji reached up to pull Ace down by his hair, planting a forceful kiss on his grinning face. There was no way that he'd let such a blatant challenge go.

For awhile, Zoro was torn between putting on a sour look at Sanji's very thorough fulfilment of his challenge, or just grinning at the pleasant view of the pair as he leant over Ace's shoulder. He wasn't allowed too long to dwell on it as Ace rocked his hips up against his crotch though, the action reminding him of his own needs.

None of them noticed as Smoker slid from the bed, looking around the room for his trousers and retrieving them, rummaging in the back pocket for the lube. Dropping the item of clothing to the floor, he walked to the bed and got back on, offering Zoro the lube with a frown.

“You better not damage my stuff, Roronoa.”

“I'm not your property, old man!” Ace interjected, his breath hitching as Zoro's fingers grazed over something sensitive before the swordsman reached up to take the proffered lubricant. “Zoro can fuck me however he wants.”

“You want him to fuck you without it then?”

“I never said that.”

“I'm sure I'll take good care of him, Smoker.” Murmured Zoro as he pressed closer to Ace's back, grinding his hips against his ass. “Very good care.”

“Perverted marimo.”

“Idiot cook!” Reaching over Ace's shoulder to smack his palm in Sanji's stupid face, Zoro found himself and Ace dropping to the bed with twin grunts of surprise as the cook was whipped out from under them, his palm sinking into the covers.

Blinking in surprise as Ace's face seemed to rapidly descend down his body, Sanji suddenly yelled out in shock as he realised he was being pulled back. He looked down as smoke wrapped around him, suddenly materialising as a pair of pale-skinned arms hooked under his armpits and linked over his chest. Sanji let out a sigh of relief as he realised it was just Smoker, and tried to look over his shoulder at his rescuer. A slight smirk was on Smoker's face as he pulled Sanji into his lap, holding him against his chest.

“Damnit, could have given us some warning first?” Ace muttered as he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, though his look of annoyance faded as he saw Sanji get pulled into Smoker's lap. He reached behind himself, patting Zoro's side to get his attention. “Oi, lemme move forwards a bit.”

Not paying attention or even noticing as Ace and Zoro moved closer, Sanji twisted his upper body around to get a better look at Smoker, ending up hooking an arm around the marine's neck and looking up hopefully for another kiss. It appeared to work as Smoker held his cigars, leaning forwards to kiss him again. As they pulled apart, Smoker returned his cigars to their usual place. Whilst licking the taste of cigars from his lips, Sanji leant back in, his voice whispering in a tone that made the hairs on the back of Smoker's neck stand on end. “Recipe for disaster: Take three pirates and one marine. Place in a room and mix thoroughly. Leave on full heat until well done.” With the words, he reached up slowly, but with immense confidence, pressing up against Smoker's cock with his ass as he managed to pluck a cigar from between his teeth.

Settling down into Smoker's lap and taking a drag from the cigar, Sanji smirked as Ace- whose face was nearly in his lap now- gave him a cheeky thumbs up. That did not last long however, thanks to the distraction of Zoro's fingers.

“Thieving shitty pirate.”

Ducking a hand that tried to reclaim the cigar, Sanji reached over to take the tube of lubricant Zoro held out. Seems the plant was going to be helpful for once in his life. A blast of smoke shot past his ear as Smoker again tried to reclaim his property, but he had the sense of mind to dodge down before his hand materialised.

“Knock it off, you smokey-bastard.” He offered Smoker the lube over his shoulder, breathing out a large puff of smoke. “You still have one.”

“Eat shit, pirate.” Growled Smoker as he took the lube, still frustrated by the loss of one of his cigars. He gave them an inch, and they took a mile- if not more.

Rolling his eyes at his current partner's abrasive attitude, Sanji looked back to Ace and Zoro. The muscle-headed marimo seemed to be quite at home already with his fingers knuckle deep inside his own counterpart. Between his own legs, Ace was pressing his cheek up against the side of his knee, glancing up with a crooked smile as he lifted his hips against Zoro's hand. A shiver ran down Sanji's back as his hand ran up his calf, the fingers brushing through leg hair. From behind him he could feel Smoker moving, and heard a soft grunt of frustration from the marine, who was trying work the top off the lube. A second later the grunt was followed by a growl as the lid went flying past his head and pinged off the wall.

Leaning back against Smoker as a hand gripped his thigh, Sanji let him lift it to his chest, not bothered in the slightest by the bending. Cool slippery lube-covered fingers pressed against him soon after, and he had to make a conscious effort not to bite the tip off the cigar. A soft chuckle accompanied by a puff of smoke came from behind him, and a finger pushed forwards.

In front of him, Zoro was just withdrawing his fingers from Ace. He directed a knowing grin at Sanji- or perhaps it was Smoker, who was resting his chin on Sanji's shoulder now- and moved closer to Ace, bending over his back whilst his hands settled on his hips.

Not bothering to hold back a whine as he felt another finger pushing into him, Sanji cast around for a hand hold, eventually grabbing onto Smoker's side. Ignoring the disgruntled snort coming from behind, Sanji held on tighter as he felt the fingers move with a few lazy thrusts. Rough stubble rubbed against his shoulder, and the more alkaline flavour of the cigar tainted his tongue as the smoke drifted into his mouth. Though they were a little out of focus as he tried to concentrate on the sensations assaulting his own body, Sanji could see Zoro bent over Ace at his feet, the rocking movements of their bodies telling him enough. The spectacle stirred his impatience.

“Oi, mari-”

Zoro looked up at the sound, but seeming to anticipate his demand, Smoker had already withdrawn his fingers and taken hold of his hips. The approach was resolute, something Sanji was somewhat grateful for; at least the marine wouldn't mess him about.

“If you think you're ready, pirate.” Tone somewhat more smug, Smoker pulled him in close until his chest fit against Sanji's back.

“I'd say if I wasn't...” Sanji muttered, feeling less willing to agitate the marine in this vital moment but still trying to keep his cool. He only got a grunt in reply as one of the hands slipped from his hip. Moments later he felt a blunt push against his entrance, not getting a chance to tense up as Smoker pushed into him with a smooth pull of his hips.

Biting his lip, Sanji laced his fingers through black hair, pulling at it a little whilst he felt Smoker sink deeper as his own hips were lowered. Smoker's second hand soon came back to his hip, stroking over his skin with a lazy sweep and creeping up his side. Still trying to adjust and relax his body, Sanji neglected to notice the hand's movement until a thumb brushed over his nipple, and lingered there as it was plucked and teased. His hands tangled further into the black hair he had such a tight hold on and his chest arched forwards into the biting fingers, a soft groan rattling out of his throat. As Ace's hot tongue slid up his inner thigh, the groan cut off as Sanji jerked his chin down to look at him. A wide, over-confident grin beamed up at him as he stared down with parted lips and flushed cheeks. There was no chance for Sanji to get an explanation though; Smoker's hand glided up his front to cup the base of his jaw and force his head back, the gesture nearly making him choke on the cigar smoke.

Restrained within Smoker's secure hold, there was little Sanji could do as his hips were raised and lowered, and kisses were scattered over his thighs and around his erection. Soon this was accompanied by firm, controlled thrusts; the steady pace Smoker maintained had a degree of discipline that he hadn't encountered before, and it felt as though it was breaking down his restraint faster than he'd have guessed with the gradual build up. For a few seconds the kisses stopped, to Sanji's relief- it was hard enough trying to keep his cool with just the shitty marine- but the sudden feel of heated breath over his arousal made him jerk and whine against Smoker's hold. For a few seconds his straining body writhed against Smoker in his helpless overreaction, before another breath had him grinding down against Smoker with another desperate whine. The stolen cigar teetered between his lips for a few moments, before he held it in his teeth.

“Stop fucking teasing him, Portgas!” Hissed Smoker, who despite scowling, still hid his face behind Sanji's neck to shield any view of his own flushed face.

“Hn... can't help it...” Ace replied, his voice shaking with uneven breaths as Zoro continued to move with an irregular pace that contrasted with Smoker's. Whereas the marine worked in measures, the swordsman served up dollops. It still didn't wipe the smug smile off his face however, even when he was directing extravagant, heated looks at Smoker, his bedroom eyes peering up past Sanji's shoulder.

Rather than doing as he was told and pulling back, Ace shifted his weight onto one elbow so he could run a hand up Sanji's thigh. Peering around Sanji's neck, Smoker directed him a bitter glare as Sanji squirmed, inadvertently spreading his legs further apart.

Deciding trying to stop Ace was essentially an impossible task without his full attention, Smoker opted to keep a tighter hold on Sanji, muttering in his ear for him to keep still when the body in his grasp twitched and squirmed. Just as he thought he'd managed to keep the pirate in check, Ace threw them both off again. The feeling of a tongue trailing up the length of his arousal before the searing damp heat of Ace's mouth engulfed him had Sanji convulsing in Smoker's arms, nearly throwing himself off balance as he rocked his hips down without restraint. Unable to lead the pirate to his own rhythm any more, Smoker soon found himself following Sanji's movements. His hand had slipped down from Sanji's neck to his chest in his attempts steady him before, and the one on his hip had wandered down to his thigh to pull it further to the side.

Looking down and watching Ace, who despite his confidence, was just as sweaty and worked up as the rest of them. Smoker realised with his own hazy thoughts that despite his apparently disadvantaged position sandwiched between Zoro and Sanji, Ace was still holding the upper hand. Even his own actions were indirectly effected as he rolled his hips up against Sanji's ass with increasing urgency. The skinny bastard had strong legs, and by concious decision or not, he was damn well using them.

At first, Zoro had not paid too much attention to what Ace was doing. As much as he liked seeing Sanji get wound up and distracted, he still only had a one track mind, and he already had something to focus on. Only when Sanji's reaction had escalated to a frenzy of movement in the edge of his vision had he bothered to really pay attention. His body still continued to work as he absorbed the situation, but he was soon throwing consciously hard thrusts, intent on breaking Ace's rhythm and winding Sanji up even more. And getting that damn marine as well. A soft chuckle passed his lips as Ace jerked forwards in surprise, his moan of mixed surprise and gratification picked up by all ears before being followed by Sanji's a split second later. A grin to match the chuckle appeared when he heard Smoker's grunt, the sound almost embodying the strain his restraint was under.

Not giving the others any chance to recover, Zoro kept moving. His fingers ran up Ace's back, tracing over skin with brave confidence as small flames spat at him. Wrapping his fingers in the back of Ace's now tangled mess of black hair with Sanji's, Zoro pressed him forwards, fingers rubbing at his scalp encouragingly. Though he didn't resist the action, allowing Sanji's cock to slide deeper into his mouth, Ace didn't take it without giving Zoro something in return, jerking his hips back with near-violence that made the swordsman's knees shake.

Feeling Zoro's fingers press down on his scalp even tighter, Ace couldn't resist groaning around Sanji's cock. He could feel Sanji's body surging up against his lips as Smoker's forceful movements slammed again the younger man's body, and moments later the cigar stub dropped in his hair as Sanji's cum spilt into his mouth. Ignoring the smouldering cigar- it wasn't going to hurt him at any rate- Ace swallowed as best he could with the increasingly desperate thrusts of the man behind him knocking the breath from his body. Pulling back a bit, he pressed his face against Sanji's thigh, his sweat dampened hair clinging to the pale skin. In the corner of his awareness he could hear the bedsprings creak underneath Smoker's heavier body, a slight smile tugging the corners of his mouth as he heard the marine hiss between his teeth.

Strong fingers wrapping around his erection quickly brought Ace's attention back to himself, flames jumping on his shoulders as his hips surged against Zoro's hand. His fingers dug into Sanji's thighs as he felt Zoro squeezing and pulling, his hand matching his urgent, body-jarring thrusts in pace. Rubbing his cheek against Sanji's thigh, Ace arched his back up, pressing his ass against Zoro's hips as he came over his hand with a jerk and gasp of pleasure. Zoro followed suit seconds later, his hand loosening its hold on Ace's hair as his body was finally allowed to relax.

For a couple of minutes, they all managed to maintain something that was near silence, only interrupted by heavy breathing and the occasional creaking of bedsprings as someone tried to get comfortable, their bodies slipping apart to rest on the bed.

Picking the now burnt-out cigar sub out of his hair, Ace frowned a little before reaching over Sanji to pass it to Smoker.

“What the hell would I want that for?” Smoker muttered grumpily, pulling his own spent cigar from his lips and crushing it between his finger and thumb as though there was no heat to the ember. Taking the remains of the other from Ace, he flicked them into the ashtray on the bedside table.

Stretching out on the bed, Ace rolled over onto his back, looking between Zoro and Sanji with a grin; Zoro was now sprawled across the sheets with his leg hanging over the edge of the mattress, almost pushed off the cramped space, whilst Sanji was half-curled up with his back flush against Smoker's chest. With a vague sense of amusement, Ace noted that Smoker received no complaint as he draped his arm over Sanji's side, not really having much room to position himself in. Reaching to his other side, Ace reached down to tousle Zoro's hair, grinning as the swordsman grunted against the covers.

“You'll drop off if you aren't careful.”

“Marimo... he'd get lost on the way to the floor, heh.”

“Shut up, dartbrow!”

“Shut up, both of you!” Grunting in annoyance, Smoker leant over Sanji a bit more, trying to avoid tipping off the edge of the mattress. “'s fuckin' cramped on here, Portgas.”

Sitting up, Ace looked at Smoker with a small pout before looking between Zoro and Sanji, lashing out to grab Zoro's leg and pull him back on the bed when he started to slide off the mattress. He would have liked to stay longer, but the practicality of cramming four men into bed was that it was impossible. Someone would end up falling out. “Fine, fine.” Ace muttered as Smoker swung his legs off the bed and stood up, wandering across the room to retrieve his trousers. Letting Zoro's leg go, he reached up to pet the green hair before turning to Sanji.

Only getting a wide grin in warning, Sanji's eyes snapped open as Ace pressed their lips together. He was given no option other than to respond, his movements somewhat sluggish in his sleepy state. Across from them, Zoro propped himself on his elbows, but rather than helping Sanji, he just smirked and watched; in the end it was Smoker who came to Sanji's rescue once more, pulling Ace away by the scruff of his neck.

“Ow, lemme go, old man!” Ace squirmed as he was dragged away from Sanji, fire spitting from his skin before Smoker released him.

“Grab your shorts before you get engaged in a heartfelt goodbye.”

Huffing at the grumbling marine, Ace turned around to look for his shorts. On the bed, there was some clumsy scrambling between Zoro and Sanji as they tried to get into bed, already managing to break out in another fight. There was a creaking of springs as Sanji made to kick Zoro, only to find his leg restrained. Looking over his shoulder, Sanji gulped as he looked up at the stormy expression on Smoker's face, the marine's smoking hand holding onto his ankle.

“You two will both be quiet for the rest of the night. I don't want my sleep to be interrupted.”

Dropping Sanji's leg, Smoker trudged across the room, directing a grumpy growl at Ace before knocking the lock off the catch and slipping out of the room without another word. After he left, Zoro and Sanji directed Ace as pair of matching curious looks, now both sitting under the covers.

“Well, he never really was a guy for goodbyes.”

--

The thunderous yell of a none-to-pleased landlord and a loud thump on the door was the rather unwelcoming wake up call that Commodore Smoker got that morning. Running his fingers through his less than neat hair, he looked around the room, which was empty save the sparse furniture that had come with it, and his own clothes, with the exception of the trousers he was currently wearing. A couple of singe marks still decorated the walls. Ignoring the yells, he moved off the bed in a sleepy haze, his mind starting to recount the events as he figured out he was here. By the time his jacket was on, a deep scowl had settled across Smoker's face as he found himself facing an open window. It didn't take a genius to figure it out.

“OI, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!” The landlord's deep voice boomed through the door. “YOUR TIME WAS UP OVER AN HOUR AGO, CLEAR OUT, OR I'M COMING IN THERE TO KICK YOU OUT.”

“Hold your fucking horses!” Stamping over to the door, Smoker opened the lock and flung it open, giving the angry man a withering glare despite the fact he was nearly twice as wide as Smoker himself, and sported an impressive beard. “I'm leaving.”

“You ain't the guy who booked in last night!” The landlord yelled at him, pointing at his chest. “Where is he? He still hasta pay for the night.”

“Long gone, I'd imagine.” Smoker replied with disinterest as he pulled two fresh cigars out of his jacket and started patting his pockets in a search for matches, not bothered by the landlord's anger.

“WHAT?”

A fine spray of spittle extinguished Smoker's match just as soon as he'd ignited it, and he glared at the landlord in annoyance. “Cut it out, shitbreath.” Tossing the wet match to the floor, Smoker flipped the box and stuck another, lifting it to the tips of his cigars.

“If he ain't 'ere to pay, the charge transfers to you, buddy. You were the one sleepin' in there in the nice fella's room.”

“I didn't even book the room.”

“Well someone hasta pay. I 'ave enough damn pirates come through thinking they can take me for a damn ride.”

Reaching up to rub his temples in exasperation, Smoker breathed out a large cloud of smoke that seemed to cling around his head like a rain cloud before dispersing. “Why don't you just take upfront payments like most places do?”

“I do.” The landlord beamed at Smoker, his anger temporarily forgotten. “Made great business since switching to that system.”

“Then why didn't you fucking charge the brat?!”

For a moment, the large man just gazed at Smoker with a stupid smile. “But he seemed so nice. He prolly jus' forgot to pay.”

“What the hell? You expect a damn pirate to pay?”

“Aw, come on, he was a lovely lad.”

“Dine and dash more like.” Smoker grumbled as he started to move around the landlord in the hall, intent on leaving.

“Oi, you still owe me the charge for the night!”

“I didn't even book it!”

“Yer slept in there, you gotta pay.” By now, the smile had melted away from the landlord's face as he glared at Smoker. “'s only fair you pay for your bed if ya slept in it, isn't it?”

Looking back at the landlord, Smoker rolled his eyes, already reaching for his wallet with world weary sigh. He had no argument for that, even though it wasn't his room. Once again, it appeared that he was stuck picking up the bill.

Sometimes the commodore wondered if there really was justice in the world.