Original Poetry Fan Fiction ❯ Twas the Night We Killed Santa ❯ "Twas the Night We Killed Santa" ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: XIFallenxAngelIX 
We kill Santa, and set free the reindeer. Everyone wins! Except Santa.
Miscellaneous: Original Poetry Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy | Type: Poetry | Uploaded On: 12.05.2007 | Updated On: 12.05.2007 | Pages: 1 | Words: 751 | Visits: 241 | Status: Completed
We kill Santa, and set free the reindeer. Everyone wins! Except Santa.
Miscellaneous: Original Poetry Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy | Type: Poetry | Uploaded On: 12.05.2007 | Updated On: 12.05.2007 | Pages: 1 | Words: 751 | Visits: 241 | Status: Completed
Author’s Note: Well Obviously this is a strange little version of the Christmas story that I thought up for my friends and I. Actually I wrote this back in December of 2006 and decided to post it into my dead journal. It was supposed to be a two part story, but I never got around to writing the second half, and I don’t think I’m as poetic now as I was back then so... Yeah no hope in finishing it any time soon.
Disclaimer: I do not own the original, The original is called “A Visit From St. Nicholas” and was supposedly written by Clement Clarke Moore. At least authorship was attributed to him after the poem was anonymously published in a New York paper on December 23, 1823. However, I do own myself, the strange ideas I came up with for the remake, and my friends- they own themselves.
Disclaimer: I do not own the original, The original is called “A Visit From St. Nicholas” and was supposedly written by Clement Clarke Moore. At least authorship was attributed to him after the poem was anonymously published in a New York paper on December 23, 1823. However, I do own myself, the strange ideas I came up with for the remake, and my friends- they own themselves.
“Twas The Night We Killed Santa”
Twas the night before Christmas, and after their nap,
Katy, Nancy, Ami, and Sapph were preparing a trap,
Katy placed a spike in the chimney with care,
With hopes that St Nicholas soon would sit there,
Sapphire prepared to hide things in their beds,
so if he still lived they could bash in his head,
Nancy hummed and with arsenic the milk she did lace ,
Ami put razors in the cookies he’d stuff in his face,
Then on the roof they all heard a big yell,
and smirked as Santa would soon be in Hell,
Away to their beds they flew in a flash,
Grabbing some weapons so he they could bash,
He was up on the roof with some bucks and a doe,
until he slid down the chimney to the room down below,
And what to the girls wondering eyes should appear,
but a fat old man with a spike up his rear,
He was ugly and fat and with pain he was strick,
They muffled their laughs as they watched old St Nick,
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
So many that even a sailor would be put to shame,
“Holy fuck Holy Shit There’s a thing in my ass,
If it weren’t so damn painful this might be a blast ”,
So he managed to get up and pull out the spike,
stuffed it in his bag with things he did like,
Upon the razorblade cookies the dumb ass went to,
without thinking he stuffed in his mouth a good few,
And then hiding their snickers, they all watched with glee,
As Santa Claus gagged and his mouth started to bleed,
He spat out the cookies he had to himself fed,
and turned towards the girls in their booby-trapped beds,
There was blood all the way from his mouth to his foot,
As well as his ass that was all smudged with soot,
Out from the bag which he had placed the spike,
He removed some rope, duct tape, and the like,
His eyes-how they leered Oh man it was scary,
The guy was too old, too fat, and too hairy,
His blood-soaked mouth curled into a grin,
But the girls pretended to sleep so their fun could begin,
His razor-sliced tongue licked his lips and his teeth,
Under the covers the girls for their weapons they reached,
His wrinkled old face was twisted and dark,
The girls waited and prayed to not miss their mark,
He leaned over them and he held out his rope,
then a low chuckle came from his throat,
Sapphire screamed and kicked him in the head,
Then all of the girls suddenly sprang from their beds,
They spoke not a word but went straight to their work,
As they beat the shit out of that old dumb fat jerk,
Soon on the floor Santa laid sprawled,
And then to the trash his body they hauled,
They climbed up to his sleigh and set free the reindeer,
and away they then flew since the coast was all clear,
It was just before dawn when the girls slept at last,
dreaming of how they had kicked Santa’s ass.
Twas the night before Christmas, and after their nap,
Katy, Nancy, Ami, and Sapph were preparing a trap,
Katy placed a spike in the chimney with care,
With hopes that St Nicholas soon would sit there,
Sapphire prepared to hide things in their beds,
so if he still lived they could bash in his head,
Nancy hummed and with arsenic the milk she did lace ,
Ami put razors in the cookies he’d stuff in his face,
Then on the roof they all heard a big yell,
and smirked as Santa would soon be in Hell,
Away to their beds they flew in a flash,
Grabbing some weapons so he they could bash,
He was up on the roof with some bucks and a doe,
until he slid down the chimney to the room down below,
And what to the girls wondering eyes should appear,
but a fat old man with a spike up his rear,
He was ugly and fat and with pain he was strick,
They muffled their laughs as they watched old St Nick,
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
So many that even a sailor would be put to shame,
“Holy fuck Holy Shit There’s a thing in my ass,
If it weren’t so damn painful this might be a blast ”,
So he managed to get up and pull out the spike,
stuffed it in his bag with things he did like,
Upon the razorblade cookies the dumb ass went to,
without thinking he stuffed in his mouth a good few,
And then hiding their snickers, they all watched with glee,
As Santa Claus gagged and his mouth started to bleed,
He spat out the cookies he had to himself fed,
and turned towards the girls in their booby-trapped beds,
There was blood all the way from his mouth to his foot,
As well as his ass that was all smudged with soot,
Out from the bag which he had placed the spike,
He removed some rope, duct tape, and the like,
His eyes-how they leered Oh man it was scary,
The guy was too old, too fat, and too hairy,
His blood-soaked mouth curled into a grin,
But the girls pretended to sleep so their fun could begin,
His razor-sliced tongue licked his lips and his teeth,
Under the covers the girls for their weapons they reached,
His wrinkled old face was twisted and dark,
The girls waited and prayed to not miss their mark,
He leaned over them and he held out his rope,
then a low chuckle came from his throat,
Sapphire screamed and kicked him in the head,
Then all of the girls suddenly sprang from their beds,
They spoke not a word but went straight to their work,
As they beat the shit out of that old dumb fat jerk,
Soon on the floor Santa laid sprawled,
And then to the trash his body they hauled,
They climbed up to his sleigh and set free the reindeer,
and away they then flew since the coast was all clear,
It was just before dawn when the girls slept at last,
dreaming of how they had kicked Santa’s ass.