Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Ad Vitam Aeternam ❯ Chapter III ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I own EVERYTHING! If anyone steals my characters, I swear I'll hunt you down.

 

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I felt weak as they dragged me away, knowing no one could help me. If they were accusing me of slander, only their lord had the power to pardon me, and, if he didn't, I would be beaten, at best. I could feel my body trembling as they led me around the back of the bar, to where the inn was. I let them shove me roughly to my knees as one of them went into a room to summon the lord. I held my breath as I watched him return, a figure soon following him. I thought my heart would stop when they finally reached me, and the lord's eyes met mine. At first it was from the fear of what would happen to me, but, when my mind finally registered who it was before me, a different kind of fear filled me. Would he recognize me, or would I be forced to hold my tongue and face my punishment? I felt a bitter laugh welling in my chest, but I bit it back. I guess I would deserve any punishment he saw fit; especially after all was said and done.

 

I think I always knew that there was a possibility that we would run into each other again, or that I would at least see him once more, but I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined it happening like this. My throat was dry as we seemed to stare at each other for a long moment, before he signaled his servants to let me up. As I moved to my feet, I could feel my knees trembling.

 

“My lord, this little wench has spoken ill of our Majesty,” the first said.

 

I watched the lord arch a brow, and I felt my heart drop to my feet. I dared not say anything, as I still feared he wouldn't recognize me, but, when he smiled grimly, I knew he had not forgotten me. How could he?

 

“Well, Alvira,” he said quietly. “This is a fine mess you've gotten yourself into this time.”

 

I held his deep emerald gaze as he stepped closer to me.

 

“What do you think?” he asked, his deep green eyes cold and unreadable, even to me. “Should I have them release you?”

 

I looked away, feeling a lead weight in my chest. He did recognize me, and, just as I had thought, he was angry. Apparently he had not changed much in the time we had spent apart. I bowed my head, deciding that it would be best to acknowledge his position and play the role of the servant, as that was how I was to be treated. And I knew I deserved it, and so much more, if atonement was what he was after. “Do with me what you will, my lord,” I said softly, grinding my teeth together, the words hard pressed to leave my lips. I knew I had a lot to make up for, but I couldn't stifle the way my pride reared at having to submit in this fashion. Once upon a time we had been equals, but that time had long since come and passed again.

 

I knew, had he been anyone else, I would have been defiant and cheeky to the end, but Esmond had once been my friend, and I couldn't pretend when those eyes, the ones that could see down to my core, were focused so intently on me and such a fierce bitterness and tinge of anger was hiding in them.

 

I watched as his jaw tightened, and I could only guess that he was trying not to blast me for being such an idiot right there in front of his messengers. I couldn't look at him as he stood there, still as a statue, waging an internal war with himself. I suppose if I had been in his position, I would have sent myself away, uncaring about what became of me. But, as I chanced a glance at him, I realized that beneath all the hurt and anger, he still loved me. I looked away, feeling dirty. I knew he would grant me his forgiveness, and I knew I didn't deserve it.

 

“Release her,” he said quietly, drawing my frightened gaze. I felt a sense of deja vue as we stared at each other for a long moment, recalling having been in a situation similar to this, except I prayed to any god that would listen that I didn't mess this up like I had before. I swallowed thickly as his gaze softened, and then he surprised me by pulling me into a tight embrace. “I missed you.”

 

For a moment, I was paralyzed, wondering if this was all a dream, and if I would wake up at any moment, but, when I felt the warmth from his body seeping into me, I knew it was very real. Surprised and scared and confused, I couldn't move as I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't quite know what to do as I stood there, shocked, still trying to register what was going on. As my brain seemed to finally catch up with what was going on, I drew a shuddering breath, returning his embrace. I felt a wave of sudden emotion sweep me, threatening to knock me off my feet. How I longed to tell him how much I missed him, and how happy I was to see him, and to spill my heart to him and let him pick up the pieces, and beg for his forgiveness for so unceremoniously dumping him and then running away. But nothing but hot tears escaped me as I clung tightly to him, finally accepting that he was real, and that I was not hallucinating. I tried not to let it, but a sob forced its way from my throat. I felt him stroking my hair, and after a while I let my teary gaze rise to meet his, trying my best not to let the begging shine through too much.

 

“I can't tell you how much I've missed you,” he said, brushing at the tears on my cheeks. His deep gaze was confused and stormy with emotion. “I still can't understand why you ran away.”

 

I let a watery laugh escape my lips as I buried my head in his chest, feeling the ache that had persisted in my chest for so long finally dissipating. “I'm so sorry, Esmond,” I said, clinging to him tightly. “But I had to.” I prayed that he didn't ask why, but I knew it was inevitable. Every night since I left, I reminded myself why I had to leave, just so that I could be sure I would never go back. I couldn't stay in that place where all I would ever remember is the hurt and betrayal. But I didn't know if I could make him see that. For the first time in a long time, things felt right, and I didn't want to ruin that feeling. I had wished for it for too long, and now that I had it, all I wanted was to enjoy it, no matter how fleeting it was.

 

The servants, who had been all but forgotten, chose this moment to make their presence known once more. “My lord?” one asked tentatively, confusion clear in his voice.

 

Esmond turned slightly, looking at the messenger. He seemed to have forgotten about them as well. “What is it, Acario?” he asked softly, his voice just as I remembered it, if not a little strained from the weariness that I had sensed.

 

“Do you know her, my lord?” he asked slowly, seeming thoroughly confused.

 

Esmond smiled down at me fondly, nodding. “Yes,” he said, his deep green eyes again unreadable. “Alvira and I have been friends for a long time.”

 

I stared into his eyes, feeling my heart breaking. Even after all this time, he still considered me a friend? I couldn't understand why. I looked away, suddenly feeling guilty. As badly as I wanted to make him understand, and forget and move on and start again, I knew what would really happen. Once this moment was shattered, I knew we would not have a chance to be like this again. I wasn't even sure if I would allow myself to see him again after I wrenched myself from his embrace. But he didn't know that. I'm sure he expected that I would want to talk, and catch up on the past two years, and maybe even pick things up where they had left off. It made my heart ache, knowing that I would hurt him again, and knowing that he was offering me so freely a forgiveness I could never deserve.

 

After that, he sent his messengers away, leading me toward the inn. I could see it in his eyes; he was so happy to have found me again, and I felt like a dirty rat. I had wished every night that he would find me, and now that he had, I was ready to run away again. I decided I had to stop this before it was too late and I hurt him more than I intended.

 

“Esmond,” I whispered, pulling my hand from his. It caused him to pause, and he turned to face me in the cold night air. I looked up, my green eyes colliding with his. “I…..” I looked away, unsure of what to say, but knowing something needed to be said. But how to make him understand? “I can't.”

 

His eyes narrowed in confusion, and he brushed his light blonde hair from his face. “Can't what?” he asked softly.

 

“It's just been so long,” I said, wrapping my arms around myself. I couldn't look at him. “I…” My heart was hurting terribly, and the bitter night wind was making me tremble. “I've moved on, Esmond.” I chanced a look at him, hoping he couldn't see through my lie. “I have a new life here, and I want it to stay this way.”

 

For a moment, he looked extremely hurt, and then, I'm certain, he saw right through me. “Liar,” he said bluntly.

 

I felt as if a white hot iron had passed right through my gut, but at the same time, relief overwhelmed me. I blanched suddenly, my mind blank and reeling, and I felt my jaw drop. “What?” I breathed. I never could figure out how it was he saw through my feeble lies, but he did, and that frightened me. Even after all this time, he could still read me like a book.

 

“You're lying,” he said again, just as clearly and sure as the first time. His stubborn streak suddenly surfaced, and he faced me squarely, crossing his arms. “You think that the years have changed you, but you're still the same frightened little girl that fled Carrington all those nights ago.” I could see bitterness and resentment in his gaze again, and I knew that this was a wound that needed time to heal, time I didn't think I had. I gritted my teeth, my hackles rising.

 

“You think you know me so well,” I snapped. “But I'm not the person that fled Carrington. I have friends here, and people that care about me.” I wanted to tell him that I wasn't the bitter little child that I had tried so hard to leave behind, but I could tell that I would only be giving him more ammunition. If that had been true, then I don't think we would have been having that conversation. I clenched my fists at my sides, watching him size me up. It suddenly struck me, as he stood there pensively and silently, how different he was than I remembered. I had expected him to explode on me, telling me everything I knew he was fighting not to say, but he surprised me at how well he restrained himself. I suppose he was still shocked at having found me in such an odd way, and he was still trying to deal with the fact that I hadn't changed a bit, despite what I had said, not even my fiery temper. When he sighed, it suddenly struck me how tired he looked. His royal livery made him look every inch the prince that I remembered in my dreams, but his emerald gaze was cold and passive, very different from the happiness and, more often, the scorn I remembered. I knew serving as the Royal Magician would have its effects, but I never imagined it would wear him down this much.

 

“You haven't changed a bit, have you?” he asked softly, his gaze softening as well. He looked away, laughing softly as he ran a hand through his golden hair. “I guess that's to be expected.” He looked back at me. “You were never one to let anyone tell you who to be, and that temper of yours still gets you into trouble, I see.”

 

My eyes widened as he stepped closer to me. I tried to back away, but he caught me, wrapping his arms around me. I once more felt that suffocating need to escape, and, when I struggled, he only held me tighter.

 

“After two years, I finally found you,” he said, his gaze lost in mine, his voice filled with conviction. “I'm not letting you get away again.”

 

I pushed at his chest, realizing his strength had not wavered a bit as he held me tightly. “No, Esmond,” I breathed, fighting him. “Please don't—“ It wasn't that I feared him; that was hardly the case. I feared the way he made my heart flutter and my stomach do flip-flops. I was scared of the way my mind went all fuzzy when he wrapped his arms around me, and the way a warm shiver shot down my spine all the way to my toes.

 

“Why do you always fight me?” he whispered, brushing my cheek with the tips of his fingers. His eyes were genuine and concerned, and I knew he wanted an answer. I don't really know why I always fought him, but it had always been that way. Even though being there, in his embrace, seemed so right, and all I wanted was to wrap my arms around him and never let go, I couldn't deal with his affection any other way. Which seems very odd, looking back on it now.

 

I felt tears crowd my eyes as the truth serum invaded my veins. “I'm afraid,” I whispered, suddenly stilling. I love you so much, Esmond, but I'm so scared. I looked away as I brushed at my tears. You don't know what it's like to love someone so much it hurts, but to know that they'll never be able to love you the same in return. My head was reeling, and the thought that I was really stupid and maybe he did love me as much as I loved him passed through my mind. Why else had he seemed so relieved at finally finding me? Why else would he be here, right now, trying so hard not to let me go again? “But, now you're here.” I let my gaze rise to his, feeling as if thousands of thoughts were suddenly passing unspoken between us. I wanted to tell him how much I had missed him, and how terribly my heart ached every time I saw Harriet and Adrian together, as it only reminded me of what should have been between us.

 

“I missed you so much, Alvira,” he said, searching my gaze. “The night that you left, I swear a piece of me went with you.” He let my silky hair slide through his fingers, and he smiled gently. “But, I think I finally feel whole again.” He pulled me against him, embracing me tightly. “I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me,” he whispered, his breath tingling the top of my head. “Ever since you left, all I could think about is how you were right, and I was wrong, and how, if I ever got the chance to tell you how I felt, that's all I would want.” He held me at arms' length. “Alvira, I love you. And if you ever leave me again, I think I would die. I've spent so long searching for you, and, now that I've found you, I'm not letting you go.” He smiled gently. “I'll never leave you again.”

 

I felt a blush heat my cheeks at the honesty in his eyes, and I looked away, suddenly flustered. I had waited a long time for him to tell me that I was right, but hearing it now made me feel uncomfortable. I had waited a long time for him to admit that he cared for me, but it made me feel undeserving. I wracked my brain for excuses, and only one seemed to stick, making me doubt, even though I knew he would have a reason why I shouldn't be worried. “But, the king—“ Sometimes I wonder what was wrong with me. Here I was, wrapped in the arms of the handsome prince of my dreams, and I was still trying to come up with reasons why he shouldn't love me. This was every girl's fantasy, and I, like the bitter child I was, was fighting it tooth and nail.

 

He shook his head. “The king has other advisors to turn to,” he said. “For now, all I want is to stay here with you. I will have to return eventually, but,” his deep emerald gaze was shining hopefully, “when I do, I hope to have you by my side.” I searched his gaze, wondering if he meant that. I was suddenly overcome with fear. What if, when he got to know me again, he realized that I wasn't what he thought he wanted? Would he still want to keep me around? I felt very insecure and unsure.

 

“But what if I'm not really who you think I am?” I asked suddenly, unable to look at him.

 

I listened to him laugh, as if that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. I watched him shake his head. “No matter who you think you are, I will always know one thing,” he said. He brushed my cheek softly. “You will always be the one for me.”

 

I looked away, imagining that this was how Harriet felt when she was with Adrian. “Esmond,” I whispered, embarrassed and unable to look at him. As I recalled, he was the only one who could say something so simple and make it sound so romantic, leaving me feeling flustered. I couldn't hide the smile on my lips. I was surprised when he put his hand under my chin, lifting it so that our eyes met.

 

“I'm so sorry, Alvira,” he said, his eyes intense as they searched mine. I felt my breath catch in my throat as my words and excuses finally ran dry. I felt a blush stain my cheeks as he leaned closer, and I felt his breath on my lips. “I love you so much.” I closed my eyes, melting into him as he gently pressed his lips against mine. I felt like putty in his hands as he pulled me closer, sliding a hand around the back of my neck, and tilting my head back to deepen the kiss. He must have kissed me for a long time, because, when he finally pulled away, I was panting, and I could hear him panting also. I slowly opened my eyes, letting my gaze meet his. At first, we just stared at each other in shock, and then he smiled slowly.

 

“I never thought you'd actually let me do that,” he said quietly, his voice husky and breathless.

 

I blushed a darker shade of red, smiling and looking away. “Me neither,” I whispered. After a moment of silence, I looked at him. I started to say something to him, when the clock in the square suddenly chimed, and my eyes widened as I realized how late it was. “Oh no!” I gasped, pulling from his arms and gathering my skirt in my hands. “I have to get home! Harriet must be worried sick!” I started to turn and run, but Esmond caught my hands, pulling me back.

 

“Wait,” he said quickly, his eyes concerned as they frantically searched mine. “Don't go.”

 

I turned to face him, letting my fingers brush his cheek. “I'm sorry,” I said softly. I held his gaze, my eyes lighting with an idea. “Why don't you meet me in the square in the morning?”

 

Esmond's eyes suddenly lit up, a pleasant change from the sadness that had permeated them only a second ago. “Okay,” he said. He pulled me close, kissing me softly. “Good night, my love,” he whispered against my lips.

 

I closed my eyes, wishing that the moment would last forever. I was disappointed when he pulled away, but I smiled anyway, turning. “Good night,” I whispered. I held his gaze for a moment, before turning and vanishing quickly into the darkness. As I rounded the corner toward the shop, I realized that my knees still felt weak, and my hands were still trembling. As I entered the silence of the shop, I smiled to myself, running up the stairs to Harriet's room. She would never believe what happened, and, surprisingly, I couldn't wait to tell her.

 

I paused before the door, tapping softly. I listened to Harriet moving around, and watched as she opened the door, her eyes wide and grateful to see me.

 

“Harriet, you'll never guess what happened!” I squealed.

 

She threw the door open and pulled me inside. “Where have you been?” she demanded. Her face was distraught. “I've been worried sick. You didn't get into any trouble did you?”

 

I shook my head, smiling. I waited as she stared at me, seeming satisfied with my answer. She watched me thoughtfully for a moment, before seeing the huge smile on my face. Her eyes widened slightly and she gawked for a moment. “Why are you smiling like that?” she asked. She walked closer to me, looking at me closely. “You're not drunk are you? `Cause if you are, I'm going to have a word with Adelphe.”

 

I shook my head, sitting on the edge of her bed, motioning for her to join me. “No,” I said excitedly. “You'll never guess what happened.”

 

She joined me, a quizzical look on her face. I'm sure she was wondering what had made me so happy, especially when I had been so angry when I left. As she watched me, her eyes softened. “You must have run into someone you knew,” she said softly, obviously thinking.

 

I bobbed my head excitedly. “And you'll never guess who,” I said. I turned to face her as she settled beside me. “So I suppose I'll just tell you.”

 

Harriet eyed me, seeming a little on edge. “This is so unlike you, Vira,” she said quietly. She frowned. “I don't think I've ever seen you this happy.”

 

I felt my smile dim a bit. Really? I shook the thought from my head. It didn't matter. I waved it off with a flip of my hand, the smile returning in full force. “I saw him,” I said quietly, as if it were a secret.

 

Harriet arched a brow at me. “Saw who?” she asked in an equally hushed tone.

 

“Esmond,” I said. I'm sure a wistful air must have been about me, because Harriet was silent for a moment as she thought, before her eyes suddenly widened and she stared at me.

 

“The Royal Magician?” she asked, becoming excited. “You saw him?”

 

I nodded.

 

“Did you speak to him?” she asked, suddenly a bundle of questions. “Did he recognize you? Did he see you?” She leaned forward, her hazel eyes full of happiness and wonder.

 

I nodded, my smile widening, if that were possible. As I began to relay my tale to her, I realized how crazy and unreal it really seemed. I stormed off, angry and ready to beat those damned messengers to a pulp, and returned happy as a lark, having run into the man that haunted my dreams. What were the odds of that? When I finished, I looked at Harriet, seeing the way she smiled sadly at me.

 

“Oh, Vira, you're so lucky,” she said, her hazel eyes sad and her voice forlorn.

 

I stared at her for a moment, before I suddenly realized what she meant. I had finally found the love of my life, and now hers was going off to war. Feeling guilty for finding the happiness I had craved for so long, I looked away, part of me wishing it hadn't happened. How could I be with Esmond when Adrian was being sent away, first for training, and then to battle. The more I thought about it, the more I realized what a pickle this was. Esmond, of course, being the king's Royal Magician, would leave as well, but I'd have more time with him than Harriet would with Adrian, and I felt as if she deserved all the time in the world with him. I knew they were destined to be together, and theirs was the love dreams were based on. Mine for Esmond seemed so small and insignificant in comparison to theirs for each other.

 

“Harriet, I'm really sorry,” I said softly, unable to look at her. “I'm sorry I brought this up.” I stood, turning to the door. “Forget that I said anything. I didn't mean to make you upset.” I could hear her sniffling a bit, as if she was fighting down tears, and I felt her hands wrap around my arm.

 

“No, Vira, please,” she said, pulling me back to the bed. She smiled at me, even though her eyes were shimmering with tears. “Tell me more. I want to hear about Esmond, and, perhaps, before Adrian leaves, we can double date. I'd like to get to know this man.” She gave me a mischievous grin. “This man must really be something, especially if he can make the mighty Alvira act like a school girl again.”

 

I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my chest as I settled on the bed beside her once more, my smile returning full-force. It would be a few more hours before either of us was able to get to sleep that night.