Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ All I Have ❯ The Only Exception ( Chapter 17 )

: The Only Exception :

 

 

 

Andy sat patiently while Major Wintour documented what she found significant onto the recorder. He felt completely out of sorts and drained, but he was relieved in that things seemed to be over. His leg was mended, declared saved by the hospital personnel that had looked him over. It would take a few weeks to heal over completely, but the regenerative cream Samsara had used on him had mended the break and torn tendons. The doctor only had to examine and declare the rest of the damage as temporary, recoverable by physical therapy. The rest of his injuries had been small and unimportant.

 

She gave him a little smile as she retracted her hand from his head, which he felt slightly self-conscious over. He couldn't wait to take a shower. “I will take the information given to me by that young woman to the General. It looks as if everything will fix itself through this.”

 

“I just want to go home.”

 

“We ask that you stay here, until Intelligence can communicate with the South Side upon the revelation of this information. If we can work out some sort of situation where they will leave you alone, life will be easier for you.”

 

Not looking forward to staying in Center for as long as he imagined, Andy said nothing in response. He looked down at the t-shirt and scrub pants he wore and wondered if she'd seen the outcome of his and Adam's `episodes'. He didn't feel any inclination to hide himself now that he'd been discharged. There was no point to it.

 

Major Wintour said nothing after that, turning and walking out of the room with the blue recorder in hand. Andy watched her leave and then gave a low sigh as he was left within the thick silence. Watching the technicians immediately process the recorder she then handed over, he waited for at least some expression to show. Seeing nothing, he looked down at his hands, finding them dirty, the sides of his nails bloodied from his earlier ministrations in the service tunnels. He wondered how Adam was faring and hated that he was thinking of him again.

 

While the adventure underground had certainly brought out a few things, he didn't know why he was still thinking of the other man. Their being together after a very stressful occurrence of drunken misunderstandings and fits of emotion had been rather startling. Why Adam had been the one at his side was annoying and yet comforting; it meant that Adam still thought over him. It could have been anybody else that noticed his peril in the station, but Adam had been the only one to stand by his side. He wondered if that was just coincidence, or purposeful on Adam's end.

 

Thinking over Adam's outburst down below, he wondered if he'd spoken the truth. If Adam truly felt as he did, or if it were simply the situation that brought out emotions. They could have been killed down there, by either the Underworld or that suspicious creature in the water room, so Adam must have felt prompted to say something in preparation of finality. Maybe he was simply saying things to alleviate whatever guilt he felt, or perhaps he was…truly…

 

Andy couldn't bring himself to think any further, feeling that perhaps the suspension bridge effect had taken a hold of the bigger man. Maybe after a few days, Adam would feel differently of him; maybe he'd realize his love for his best friend again and realize Andy had been nothing but a distraction.

 

Whichever, now that they were safe and the situation had ended in some ways, Andy could feel himself feeling miserable about it all over again. He felt rejected and unclean, as if he had been nothing but a trollop that had interfered with someone's long-standing marriage. He looked down at his hands again and numbly picked at the grit in his nails. He wanted a drink; he wanted to forget and move on, to fall for somebody more accessible. And perhaps he could, now that he was discharged. As a civilian he could live a life with another man, having tired of hiding his desires and needs.

 

He wanted to forget about Adam and his love for Ian Peters; he wanted to forget about that night, and he wanted to feel as if someone gave a damn about him in a romantic sense. He wanted to be touched and spoiled and he wanted to wake up every day knowing that he had another man's devotion and loyalty. He didn't want to be that fling, that lapse of weakness somebody made in the midst of drinking.

 

He took a long, deep breath and exhaled slowly, feeling his brow furrow. He felt old and weary, and resting his palms on the table top, he felt his shoulders hunch. He wondered if Adam's beloved sniper had heard of their recovery, yet. He figured Adam's team would be grateful and glad to see his return, and didn't give thought to his former team. While he had gotten along with Jefferson and the others, there hadn't been a complete and deep connection. Not like Sam's team, who always seemed happy to see and be with each other. Feeling miserable and self-pitying, Andy stared at the immaculate floor and wondered what Yoshida had meant by her words.

 

-

 

Adam knew he was being an asshole. But he felt completely depressed, something he hadn't felt in a very long time. After their rescue and his debriefing, New Park's lights distracted him and delighted him in a way that made him appreciate its polluting mess. He was clear of his small injuries, having learned that he'd had a cracked sternum that was easily mended through ways of technology, and was told to take it easy until he was cleared. Even after he revealed what had happened to him and Andy after the station mess, Intelligence had what they were looking for in Andy, and Adam was cleared of his occupation in Center and sent back to the surface.

 

He was given a few days leave, and he intended to honor that by brooding in his room. He kept thinking of Andy, kept thinking of Yoshida's words, and wondering what was going to happen next. By the time his team realized that they were still alive, they'd left the chaotic mess in the field and met up with him in the base's hospital at midnight. He had been happy to see them, reassuring Sam that his brother was fine. Seeing Sam's worn face light up with just the sight of him had been a nice feeling; people would miss him if he were gone.

 

He had made an impact in their lives, had left a lasting imprint; but what sort had he left on Andy?

 

He felt so torn over this man, a sense of overwhelming vulnerability hitting him after things had settled down. He was aware from Larson that Center still held Andy in their depths, no doubt taking what Yoshida Smith had unlocked. But what happened after then?

 

By the time he returned to his room, feeling exhausted and worn by the past two days, he tossed aside his shoes and contemplated his bed. But he smelled of the underground, of sweat and grime, and he dully chose clothes from the dresser nearby and took a long shower. By the time he was done, he felt completely weathered. All his thoughts and feelings were in a messy jumble, but the strongest ones were of those of Andy. As he sat on the edge of his bed, elbows on knees, he wondered if Andy had thought of his apology, of his words.

 

Had they mattered to him, or had things soured so badly between them that nothing was to be fixed? If Yoshida could peer into their minds and say such things, did she see something in Andy's that seemed positive for Adam? He could not get the man out of his head, and it startled him. For when he saw Ian's relieved face, to hear his exalted words of cheer in that Adam had escaped certain death down below, he felt nothing but similar relief. Looking at the man he'd had feelings for for so long, Adam felt nothing but welcoming camaraderie. There were lingering feelings that were only there out of familiarity, but nothing so serious in that he'd return back to where he was before.

 

In a sense, he couldn't believe he'd had feelings for somebody that couldn't return them for so long. Hearing Andy calling him a coward, for being unable to move on really stirred something in Adam that only spurred for a change. He swiped his hands through his hair, the wavy length still wet after his shower. He wanted to know where Andy was and how he was doing. He only wanted to be near him and be reassured in that, perhaps, Andy would work things out with him. He wanted the man so badly that the alien sensation of feeling for somebody else was new and intimidating to him. He'd never thought he'd find somebody else to feel so strongly for.

 

He looked up when he realized he wasn't alone, seeing Ian's concerned expression, and feeling awkward. So he straightened up and wiped his wet hands on his pants, shifting his expression into something neutral.

 

“You hungry for something?” Ian asked. “Lars was asking what you wanted on your pizza. Didn't you hear him?”

 

“No. Anything will do.”

 

“What's wrong?” Ian asked, leaning against the doorframe. “Were things so bad down there you'd wear that expression?”

 

Adam nodded his head, but wondered what sort of expression he'd been wearing. “It was weird down there. Never thought how…lonely I could be, until we were swallowed up by all that darkness. And it was so quiet down there, it was completely unnerving.”

 

“Heard the underground system was a tricky place. Did you hallucinate? See weird things?”

 

Adam thought of the water system, of the unknown life form that had approached him. Unfortunately, it only reminded him of how Andy rambled aimlessly with his words, of revealing his affection for black-and-white movies.

 

“No,” he finally replied. He gave a shrug.

 

“You must be tired,” Ian decided after a moment. Adam could feel his eyes searching his face for other clues, of something that would assure him to continue prying or to leave the subject alone.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“While you guys were gone,” Ian began, walking into his room, and Adam found himself glaring at his clasped hands, wondering why his best friend had to ignore his subtle clues in wanting to be alone. “It sucked. Because I was thinking, Man. Here I was getting pissed at him for…for that situation with Murphy, and…the thought of leaving you on a bad note was just…I mean, it would have really sucked. I wasn't sure what life would have been like without you. Cheesy, huh?”

 

“Well, it's really late to reveal some—”

 

“But then seeing Sam—seeing how upset Sam was over the possibility of losing his brother, it just…it really affected me,” Ian interrupted, looking down at his boots. “He just lost it. He kept telling Jensen how he regretted saying things to Andy, how awful he'd feel having to see his brother on some autopsy gurney. Things like that. I kept telling him he was fine, that he was with you, but then…I didn't have any proof that you were alive. And it was just…sitting back and waiting for people to shift through that rubble and pulling out people that turned out not to be you, it was just…I realized I was taking things for granted.”

 

Adam had seen Sam. How his eyes lit with joy and relief upon seeing him, upon learning Andy was all right. He felt slightly bad for carrying on this clandestine situation with Andy, wondering how Sam would feel in the end if he found out the truth of their fight. He worried over the possibility of Sam having conflict with knowing his brother was involved with his teammate. Sam may have said he was okay with homosexuality, but how he would take it so close in such a hateful setting was something Adam wasn't sure about.

 

“So it made me think,” Ian continued, sitting down on the other side of Adam, at the edge of the bed. Having him so close would have made Adam happy at one point; to feel the comfort of his close physical presence was something he had thrived on. But now he wanted the man away from him. He didn't want to hear what he had to say, he didn't want him in his room. He just wanted to be alone, to sort out his thoughts. “I'm an asshole, Adam. I shouldn't hate on people just because of—of certain things, and since you're okay with that, with that—that entire situation, why should I be pushing my views and opinions onto you? Especially if you're planning on being close to somebody like that. And Sam loves his brother; it's…kind of weird to see that, because…I've never had…any siblings. Any…you guys are as close to siblings as I'll have, but even with our years together, it's like…different…connected by blood.”

 

Adam wondered if Ian could reach his point soon, because now he really just wanted to lie down and stare at the ceiling.

 

Ian stared down at the carpeted floor, contemplating his next word, and Adam looked over at him. He studied his tired features, at the crop of dark blond hair that was pressed into the shape of his helmet. At the smattering of pimples caused by sweat and grime, trapped by helmet straps. And knew that even though he still had some feeling for the man, he knew that his feelings for Andy were stronger. He wasn't sure if it were because of the time spent together down below, or if just realizing how different and precious another person was to him had caused this intensity. He couldn't speak of it to anybody. It severely irritated him in that he hadn't any examples to follow, wallowing in his conflict by himself.

 

He wanted to see Andy, to see if he felt the same. If he didn't, if it was completely over, Adam wasn't sure what he was going to do. The rejection he would feel would be something completely and utterly wretched. Ian had done so plenty of times, and Adam wasn't sure why he wasn't used to it by now. Perhaps feeling such things was why he behaved so aggressively; to push someone into making a decision that benefited him.

 

“I just think that, in a sense, there's something going on that none of you are saying to anybody,” Ian said gently, startling Adam because he had been quiet for so long. But as he processed the words, he felt irritation start to creep over him. “It's weird, how it is between you two.”

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he asked.

 

“It means, that whatever started this in the first place, smells suspicious. It's weird how neither I, or Sam, don't know what started that battle of words the other night.” Ian looked at him. “There's something going on that no one's supposed to know about. But both of you are bad actors, or both of you feel too much, because now everyone knows that there's something—”

 

“Oh, wow, you all turned psychic over night,” Adam muttered in disgust.

 

Ian studied his features for a few moments, then rose from the bed. “You're tired. Get some sleep.”

 

“I am. So get the fuck out.”

 

Ian frowned at him, but he turned and complied, shutting the door behind him. Adam was annoyed in having reacted so strongly, but he flopped back on his bed and glared at the ceiling. On the other hand, he felt completely miffed that it took a near death experience for his friend to finally realize how valuable he was to him.

 

-

 

Hours later Andy sat in one of the cold, hard chairs outside of the administration office, waiting to be cleared out of the base. Nothing had been said about the information he'd been carrying around, and as he thought about it, he could see clearly the Grey Alien telling him its cryptic words and the clear print of the receipt. He wondered what had been so damn important with its mission, and wondered why it had chosen him. He figured he'd never know; the military would use that information for courses of its own.

 

The case was going to be transferred to the DEA, for they suspected earlier activity with previous southern continents' cartels. Both Merrick and Dost were already making monetary arrangements to fix the mess their henches had made; it was counted upon their contributions to fix the damages of structures and for human purposes, such as funerals and hospital costs of injured civilians.

 

His living arrangements had been made; moving out of Roseville was something he had to wait on, the military providing that service due to the continued inconveniences with the Underworld. He would be transferred off base once the arrangements had been finished, and while he was reluctant to see where he lived now, at least he had something to focus on. He debated on whether or not to get himself completely drunk as soon as he reached his new home, just to eliminate the feelings and hurt he felt over this adventure. Though he hated hearing the lectures and knowing he was just putting up a temporary wall to block things out, he hated facing such things alone.

 

He figured he'd get in touch with his mom and give her a brief explanation of things. He hadn't heard from her in a few weeks, but that was their relationship. He figured he and Sam would stay in touch via phone and Sam's days off when the situation let up, but he regretted not being able to see the younger man every day. Sam needed him as much as Andy needed him, and Andy was very aware of this. But he figured that he would have to learn to do without; Sam would need to find somebody else to attach to to help him through the worst of his days. Perhaps he did need to learn to grow up.

 

He heard the end of an MP's verbal direction his way, and looked up to see the large guard admit in somebody from the main hall. He was wary over who the visitor was, thinking it was the Major or some other important figure that had come to spirit him away from the base.

 

Instead he felt a slight shock once he realized it was Ian Peters who was walking toward him, a guarded expression on his face. Dressed in his BDUs, it was obvious the other man wasn't as intimidating as he was in field uniform. Andy thought of their last encounter and wondered wearily what he'd have to hear now.

 

“I've been cleared to escort you off base,” Ian said quietly, looking expectant as he waited for Andy to answer him. “We'll be accompanying you to your new quar—erm, home.”

 

Confused, Andy only nodded and slowly rose, feeling the strain in his leg as he did so. Previous painkillers had worn off, but it wasn't so bad as it was underground. Andy focused on that rather than the man that walked at his side, limping slowly in slippered feet and marveling at the chance of wearing some sort of shoe wear.

 

After they'd left the main building, riding the underground train from Center to surface level, Andy found himself wondering why the man had volunteered himself to do the escorting. There were a few large MPs that were to help with the escort, none of which Andy recognized from the last time. Ian was quiet, but he held himself tensely, his expression still guarded.

 

Andy didn't know what to say to him, but he was intensely curious as to why him and nobody else. There were three SUVs waiting for them, and they headed for the middle. Once they boarded the SUV designated for his transport, Andy stared out the darkly tinted windows and felt relief for being on the surface. He never thought he'd be so grateful for the sight of the heavily populated city, of the sun. Feeling its warmth on his bared arms before the A/C could kick in, Andy stared out the window and wondered how long to live on his severance pay before he could find a suitable civilian job.

 

Seeing that the driver and the MP were in discussion over the city's baseball team, the NP Militia, Ian said quietly, “It took me awhile to make this decision. Considering the last time we spoke.”

 

Andy found himself wondering why Adam had fallen for him. Physically he was okay to look at; on the field he was intense and bossy, and his aversions to different personalities was a confrontational subject. But Andy wondered if Adam was into those that took-charge; which made him doubt that his own personality qualified as such. Feeling depressed once more over it, he figured Adam had only wanted a substitute for somebody that he couldn't touch.

 

He figured that every time he thought of Adam, he was going to throw a dollar into some empty jar. Once the jar filled, he was going to buy himself something hard and cheap, to drink Adam's memory away. He figured the jar would fill fast.

 

“I know that I'm…entirely prejudiced against those different from what I know,” Ian continued. “There's a lot that I should be apologizing for, but I can't make myself do something like that when I don't feel as fully involved with it as I should. It wouldn't be sincere.”

 

Andy wondered why he bothered, then, focusing outside the window and watching the scenery drift by. A couple of racing cars zipped around them, causing the officer behind the wheel to curse and swerve to avoid hitting them, but once the danger was assessed and it appeared that it was only a couple of teens having fun, he started to relax. Staring at the high rise buildings, at the busy air traffic that darted in between the large structures, he found himself incredibly lucky to live where he did. He didn't think he'd ever try to go somewhere where there was a sparse living population; it was too lonely, too quiet.

 

They left the freeway, Andy recognizing the area as a west side territory and feeling neutral about it.

 

“I know I'm this huge jerk, this huge idiot when it comes to people of…alternative lifestyles,” Ian then continued, struggling with the term, “but it doesn't excuse the fact that I shouldn't be so rigid and intolerant. I really like your brother, and I really want the best for him. It made me realize that I shouldn't be such a jerk when it affects people around me. Sam hasn't really spoken to me in days, since the subject first came up. And seeing him react when we thought we'd…lost…both of you in the train accident was just…I mean, I can't imagine life without my best friend. It's unimaginable to me, so to try and think what he was feeling when it came to you...”

 

Ian shifted in his seat, crossing his lanky arms over his chest. “So I realized that I needed to change my views. But…how? How, when I've lived my entire life thinking the way that I do? I want to be this better person, but I can't when I'm so limited.”

 

Andy quietly reflected in that both men had the qualities of talking themselves hoarse about bettering themselves, about using their prejudices as a crutch. In a way he was just allowing Ian to speak, without thinking too deeply into his words. Because he was tired of it, and just wanted to get away from him. He wanted to lock himself up in his new apartment and sort his own life out.

 

“I just think that, in the end, to make them happy, I would like to offer an olive branch of sorts. I was hoping that…instead of continuing on with my bigotry, I could somehow…meet you in the middle when it comes to them. Adam means a lot to me; we're almost brothers, in a sense, and I know he still feels bad whenever it comes to you, and I still don't know what happened to make him feel that way when—”

 

“I just want to get home,” Andy interrupted quietly. “That's all I want right now.”

 

Ian's jaw tightened at the shutdown of the subject, and Andy could see that his own words had affected the other man in an offensive manner. But he returned his attention out the window and wished for the officer driving to speed it up a little. The sooner he could get home to shower and change, the sooner he could get to filling up that damn jar so he could buy some alcohol.

 

“I understand,” Ian then said shortly. “I'm sorry. To…to be this asshole. I realize it set the road ahead. But despite it all, I still want to be this, like, neutral ground. I want to be able to keep what I have with them, and to, grow up, I suppose. I want them to be happy without having to tiptoe around me.”

 

“Sure,” Andy muttered.

 

But he didn't want any involvement with this person. Because the more he thought about it, the more he saw himself entirely opposite of Ian Peters. So it was making him wonder why Adam had gone for him. It was making him think of Adam once more, and comparing their reflections in the window made him think about how different they were from each other. It started to create a little hope inside of him, that perhaps Adam had saw Andy as an individual away from Ian Peters. That perhaps everything he said underground had been the truth.

 

He didn't want to think that way, but as soon as that hopeful thought touched base, it was almost upsetting in how it seemed to take root. Suddenly he wanted to see Adam again and see if he was over that suspension bridge effect.

 

He thinned his lips and crossed his arms tightly over his chest, mirroring Ian's tense position.

 

“I, uh, was wondering if you'd like to go out with us Sunday,” Ian then said tightly, as if struggling to overcome his own anger at being shut down. “Lars was thinking—”

 

“No thank you,” Andy replied just as tightly. “I'll be…busy. With…things.”

 

Ian took a controlled breath, as if struggling to keep himself in check, and Andy sourly wondered why he was upset about things; if he were truly trying to better himself.

 

“Okay,” Ian then said slowly. “Maybe next time. When…when you are settled.”

 

“I won't be here, long,” Andy said. “Just until I can find my own place.”

 

Ian finally glanced over at him, having been talking to the windshield most of the way. “Meaning you don't want any of us to—”

 

“Yes,” Andy answered brusquely. “Only, if he wants, Sam will know.”

 

“…I understand,” Ian said with heavy frustration. “I guess I shouldn't be so irritated. I caused most of this mess, so I'll take that responsibility.”

 

The ride between them fell silent, the two men in front still talking about their sports teams. Seeing that the neighborhood they were entering was quiet and low-key, filled with low budget housing areas, Andy felt relieved at not being a security risk anymore. He just hoped that Intelligence had followed through with cooperating with the South Side in obtaining the receipt information. He was through running around.

 

“I just wish you'd reconsider—well, for Adam, because even if—because if you were, uh, well, y'see, he doesn't care if—and I'm sure he's used to it, but if it doesn't bother him, then it shouldn't bother me, but if you were considering being his friend because—”

 

Andy rolled his eyes and muttered, “He's ugly. I'm not interested.”

 

Ian purpled at that point, and Andy watched it in the reflection of the window. He wanted to laugh, because he wasn't sure how his comment had affected the other man. If he were insulted because of the nature of the response, or in defense over his best friend.

 

“I—I could somehow just…fix things, maybe mediate things between you, because he's really just—”

 

“No.”

 

“I just want to know what happened, because it was obvious you two got along so well, and suddenly it's all drama—!”

 

“I like things the way they are now.”

 

“You are so fucking stubborn—!” Ian cut himself short and exhaled slowly, obviously trying to get his thoughts back in order. “Fine. Keep it between yourselves. I just offered to help, and you both rejected me, so obviously it's something that I'm not to worry about, or even involve myself in.”

 

“Right. I'm glad you see that,” Andy murmured. He looked down at his hands and hoped that all his toiletries were in place. He was going to hop into the shower as soon as the men left.

 

Ian shifted in his seat. “Adam gets surly and depressed whenever something's bothering him. Acts like this huge asshole. Because he's this big guy, he radiates this tension that makes things completely unbearable. You know, if there really is something going on with you that he's uncomfortable with, I'm not going to just stand back and let you go without having him clear up his end. That's why I wanted to accompany you back to your new quarters, to get you to at least talk to him again.”

 

Andy heard himself snort. You blind cretin, he wanted to say, but somehow managed to squash it.

 

“It has nothing to do with me,” he said abruptly. “Smith said a few things to him that bothered him.”

 

“Smith upsets a lot of people. But her mind-diving is exceptional. Whatever she said to ruffle him happens to involve you,” Ian said just as sharply. “Maybe I'm not seeing what it is, what your problems are, but I wish you'd help fix it.”

 

“The last time you spoke with me, you told me to leave him alone. That's what I'm doing. That's what I'm going to continue to do,” Andy said firmly, finally turning away from the window to look at him.

 

Ian's jaw tightened again, and he glared at the other man for a few moments before looking away.

 

“I just want to be left alone,” Andy finished slowly, watching as the officer pulled into a neighborhood that looked quiet and low-key. He noticed that in the process, the other two SUVs had diverted away, one parking down the street and the other continuing on to make a slow run around the block. They pulled up the driveway of a duplex-style building, where the other half looked empty and abandoned, but he at least had neighbors on the right side, the group of multi-ethnic people looking away from their grill to stare with curiosity.

 

Ian exhaled quietly. The MP in the passenger seat announced that they'd arrived, and he and the other officer climbed out of the front. Andy could see from his position that his things had already been delivered, a couple of men in military fatigues walking out from the open front door and greeting the other two amicably.

 

“He likes you,” Ian then said, his voice absurdly loud within the silence of the vehicle. “I see that, now. How much, I didn't ask, nor do I even bother with completely knowing. I may not know the entire story, but I care for my best friend. I only want him to be happy. With you not bothering to fulfill my request in wanting to talk to him only pisses me off. He did a lot for you and you don't even appreciate it. Your reluctance to even ask about him just tells me that you care less about him. If you want to continue being this way, fine. But the more he hurts because of you, the angrier I get. I might even retaliate.”

 

Before Andy could even muster a reply, Ian left the vehicle, to clear his throat and cheerfully greet the staring people. It was as if he were viewing another person, someone who wasn't just quietly threatening him. Seeing him reach out to shake the hands of the males of the group, compliment the females and cheerfully greet the kids while petting the family dog made him shake his head. He wasn't sure what to feel, or to even think. He slowly climbed out of the vehicle, self-conscious in his scrubs, feeling too overwhelmed to bother with greeting his neighbors himself due to the feelings racing around inside of him.

 

He worked up enough strength to walk with the officers who showed him around, and joined in with a few jokes here and there about his continued use of their moving service. They were good-natured in things, but he was really hoping they'd leave soon. He could feel himself growing depressed at the thought of being left alone, even though he knew of the families living around him. He knew he was going to abide by his earlier declaration to Sam by staying hidden until he was completely cleared by Center; he still didn't trust the South Side's intentions to stay neutral.

 

In the back bedroom, Andy kicked aside a few boxes and sat down on the mattress sitting on the floor. He rested his head in his hands and listened to the men joke amongst each other in the living room. He figured that the moment he got his rest, he'd find his own place somewhere in the city. Somewhere completely active and overpopulated, where he could hear his neighbors and where he knew he'd find somebody to spend his time with, because this isolation was absolutely wretched.

 

He rose upon the approach of footsteps, and spoke with the MP that relayed their leave. He walked with them to the door and saw them off. He didn't know if Ian had left with them, but he thought of his words and wondered what the man would do in terms of retaliation.

 

The moment the SUV pulled away from the curb, he shut and locked his doors, and headed straight for the boxes, to look for his toiletries and for a change of clothes. An hour later he was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, the comfort of a worn t-shirt and sleep pants covering him.

 

He wondered if Adam were as depressed and down as him, as Ian had said. But he couldn't help but think that the suspension bridge effect was merely overwhelming the man. Because the situation they had been in was filled with tension and chaos, and Adam could be mistaking the feelings he had for Andy as those belonging in that factor.

 

If he gave Adam a few days, to have him think his feelings over, perhaps Andy would find out. He would steel himself for the negative effect in between then; because he did have feelings for Adam. He was feeling rotten about it, but he couldn't deny it. He just didn't want to wind up hurt again.

 

-

 

Adam awoke with a slight start, disorientated. He opened his eyes and realized he was back in his room, that he wasn't in any danger. Realizing that it was sunlight streaming into his room, he sat up slowly, feeling a slight strain in his chest. Looking at the clock near his bedside, he reached up for his hair, ruffling it as he exhaled, feeling as tired as he did the day before. But he wasn't about to lie around in bed all day.

 

As he got up, he realized how quiet it was. He figured the others had left to get ready for patrol, feeling slightly guilty that he was unable to make it. He thought of Andy, hating that he was devoting so much time in doing so. Thinking about the other man, about the situation, wasn't getting him anywhere. Things could only be solved if he were able to speak to him, and he was positive that he would have no clue as to his whereabouts this time. But he knew that once he had the chance, Adam was going to ask Sam. Sam was happy to see him, to know that his brother was alive, but now that everything was done and over, he wondered if Sam would remember the conflicts and remember that he was angry at Adam for speaking so harshly to Andy that night.

 

With a sigh, he stumbled out of his room and used the bathroom. He took another shower and redressed, picturing a large lunch and maybe a light session with weights to help him relax. After his to-do list was completed, he sat at the couch and flipped through the channels of the holoset.

 

He saw news of the collapse, of Merrick and Dost's interviews of apology, of promises of payments and reconstruction. The situation hadn't been completely explained; the military was protecting one of its own, blaming it on a street war between the two. Their Alien faces showed no remorse, and Adam wondered what was so valuable in that receipt that lives had been lost. He wondered if Intelligence had gotten what they'd needed from Andy, and felt that twinge of irritation hit him. He had to stop thinking about the other man. He needed to stop.

 

He just wasn't sure how to.

 

He watched the `set for the rest of the day and then started dinner. While he was stirring the contents of the wok, he heard the front door open and close. He really didn't feel like interacting with his roommates. But he considered the time on the oven and looked over his shoulder, puzzled as to why one of them had returned home while they were supposed to out on patrol.

 

Instead he saw his younger brother walk in, an expression of nonchalance on his face. John was six foot four, still inching his way upward in terms of growth. He wasn't as large as Adam was, but still considered brawny. Their similar features served to remind Adam of just how his own expressions affected those around them.

 

John was considered physically intimidating, but his personality was dry, sarcastic and somewhat more mellow than Adam. It irritated Adam to see him, because he knew Ian had called him just to come over to check up on him. John was the last person in the world Adam wanted to comfort him in any way.

 

“Hey, bro,” John greeted, his New Park drawl insolent with teenage indifference. The rock-n-roll t-shirt he wore could have been made from bedsheets. His shorts hung low, and his sneakers were untied. The civilian fashion his brother preferred annoyed Adam to every end. The bright material, mixed prints and sloppy accessories seemed entirely distracting. “Heard you died the other day. So mom sent me to check on this. Can I have your stuff if you are?”

 

“Obviously I'm alive.”

 

“I see that. Shit, you got huge,” John commented, standing next to him to peer into the wok. The kitchen suddenly felt crowded, and Adam frowned at him to somehow remind him of personal space. But John ignored it, nudging one of his shoulders with his. Larson called them the Twin Towers, often faked being suffocated by the amounts of space and air they took up whenever they were together. The only thing that bothered Adam was that he suspected that his brother was going to overtake him in height.

 

“Anyway, your roommate called me. That annoying one. Told me to keep you company. Heard you were having man troubles,” John then added with a lift of his own absurdly shaped eyebrows. Adam suspected John somehow knew of his orientation, because his younger brother had dropped such hints since Adam had been in high school. He didn't talk to him about it, though. He didn't find it necessary.

 

“No. Was it Larson or Ian that said that?” Adam figured he'd short sheet their beds before they came back home, for bringing this younger nuisance into his brooding space.

 

“I tend to forget faces. Don't get all grumbly. So, wanna hang?”

 

“No.”

 

“Either we go out, cuz I know that ain't gonna satisfy your hugeness, or I stay here and bug the shit out of you.”

 

Adam knew his brother wasn't afraid of him in any way like the others. John had the personality to where he could brush away someone's fury like a pesky fly. Adam could ignore him or snap at him to leave him alone, but John stuck close without reaction, until he tired of his own task. He just had to wait for that point, but John also had the unnerving ability to ruffle him.

 

“What's it gonna be?” John asked, reaching up to tousle his unruly wavy hair, which he allowed to grow beyond his ears. The mess only served to remind Adam how he hated his own hair, reaching up to make sure it was still in place. “That looks sick, bro. Lemme have some of that.”

 

“Don't you have school tomorrow?”

 

“It ain't anything I need to worry about. `Sides, Sageville High has these dumb block periods, and skipping P.E. ain't going to kill me.”

 

“ `Isn't.' Not `ain't',” Adam snapped.

 

“What are you, teacher-soldier boy now?” John complained, moving over to rummage through the `fridge, and reaching for a beer. At Adam's glare, he put it back. “Just messin'. Say, what's all that going about, anyway? Heard on the news you got all missing and shit.”

 

“It was resolved.”

 

“Mom's going to call the admin and find out why her older boy baby was all missing—”

 

“It was a situation where I and a civilian had been trapped underground. It wasn't anything that serious. We got out.”

 

John nodded as he absorbed this information, reaching for a jar of chilies Adam had yet to use in his cooking. Plucking out a spoonful of the inside, he munched on that, unbothered by the heat. “Whatever. They made it all a big deal on the `set. So mom was like, Oh! My baby!”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Does mom know how humongous you got?”

 

Giving him a withering look, Adam finished cooking and dumped the contents of the wok over a plateful of rice he'd microwaved earlier. John immediately dumped the chilies on top, Adam snatching the plate away before he could attempt a bite.

 

“Not like, fat huge, but like—you been taking those muscle builder things, haven't you? Well, go ahead, if you need that synthetic stuff to get all big, but I don't even have to do a thing,” John bragged, flexing a large bicep. “Hey, wanna arm wrestle? Bet I could beat you.”

 

“Leave me the fuck alone.”

 

“I'll beat you. For serious. Hey, saw you with that colored bitch that one night. It's so weird, I see my older brother on the `set with New Park's dumbest fake celebrity, and I get all these questions that make me all popular, and I'm like, Nooo, my bro's fag, dude. He's secretly havin' this affair with her boytoy. You seen that guy, Adam? You can't help but wanna be gay for him.”

 

“John, shut the fuck up,” Adam said impatiently, administering to his plate.

 

“Seriously, I was kiddin'. I'm just here to bug you, because, like, that guy told me to. Said you shouldn't be all cooped up in your room and shit, and I was like, Why is he all cooped up in his room when he made it all out of the underground? Ain't like anybody died, right?” John leaned in close, making his hooded eyes widen ever so slightly. “Did somebody?”

 

Adam elbowed him out of the way as he sat at the kitchen table, where a couple of cups awaited him. Heartily, he dug into his dinner, feeling disappointed at the faint hint of heat that the chilies provided. John sat at the table with him, trying to snag a piece of beef and avoid the tines of Adam's fork at the same time.

 

“Whatever. I know you go by that military code, that don't ask, don't tell thing, anyway,” John continued. “I mean, about things that happen. Not, like, about anything else. All of you are secret agents of New Park City's The Man, man.”

 

Adam chewed on his food, giving John a suspicious look. “Are you on drugs?”

 

“God provided, man sustained,” John said, popping a piece of beef into his mouth. “No. Shit. I'm too groovy without that stuff, dude.”

 

Adam set aside his fork, finally tiring of his younger brother's presence. “You're fucking bothering me.”

 

“What the hell did I do to get you all angry?” John complained, but Adam could tell he wasn't bothered by it.

 

“I want this night alone. I need this place quiet. I don't want to fucking talk to anybody, I don't want to see anybody, I don't feel like fucking catering to anybody that comes over and asks me stupid shit like wanting to know what's wrong with me. I want Goddamn peace and quiet!”

 

“You got that underground, dude!”

 

“So, just for tonight, leave me the fuck alone. Tell mom whatever. Tomorrow, after you get out of school, maybe I'll be around so we can…hang. Whatever. Just get out of here and get out of my face.”

 

“Awesome,” John commented, rising from his chair. “I got mad loads of homework to do. But I'll take you up on that. I'm going to tell mom you're all emo over dead people. I'mina come back here, and if you ain't here, dude, I'm going to do shit to your room. I, like, know where you live and stuff.”

 

Adam glowered at him, but his brother left the table and sauntered to the door. By the time he shut the door behind him, he felt entirely unnerved. He didn't take his younger brother seriously, considering that John took his life's road easily, but John definitely made remarks that made Adam uncomfortable. Digging back into his food, he scowled at the large cup of milk and that of iced tea, wondering if he truly had gotten bigger since he'd last seen his younger brother.